Mitt Romney found himself an empty news cycle this afternoon, so he finally announced his candidacy for president in a video carefully crafted to be more boring than President Obama’s first campaign video. In a way, Romney was taking an idea from his last campaign, which featured an inexplicable ad of him running. Now Mitt is standing above a running track, rather than on a course. See, things are different this time! Romney’s slogan, “Believe in America” was actually last used in August 2004 by loser John Kerry, when he was on a two-week, 21-state tour flailing like a bland loser while the Swiftboaters swiftboated him. Romney has also taken his logo from Aquafresh, of all things, which isn’t even one of the top two toothpastes in America. When Mittens steals something boring, he steals it from fellow losers.
Emails the Democrat who caught the echo, “I mean – Kerry’s slogan? Was Dukakis’s not available?”
No, it was, but you can only have one slogan at a time, silly.
Meanwhile, that swirl in the Romney logo looks so much like toothpaste the thing actually appears to read “OMNEY.” Look at it again. You won’t be able to stop seeing “OMNEY.” What does a search for “OMNEY” turn up? Not a lot. Pretty much just whatever the hell this is:
Good thing Romney has name ID and not too many people will be Googling that, we guess?
Oh, and somebody on our tips line suggested it’s a good time to repost this:
Yes. It is. [Ben Smith/VF Daily]
{ 155 comments }
What a leader!
(tool)
romney – serial killer handsome.
bind torture zzzzzzzzzzz
American Psycho
Omney-potent. RrrrOmney-Fresh!
I don't like the Romney brand of toothpaste. It is gritty and tastes like unwashed dick.
It's like that gum in Willy Wonka, whatever flavor you want it to be, it'll be.
What exactly does unwashed dick taste like?
You don't want to know.
Vote Republican! Make things whiter!
Hey, wasn't that Strom Thurmond's campaign slogan?
Romney: Catch the mildly febrile feeling!
Make Mormonism the State Church of America! The other fundies'd shit themselves to death!
Why, that's diabolical. I like it.
Then perhaps you could persuade the Mormons to circumcize theirhearts. Few would survive amateur heart surgery.
What the hell? I never watch any clips and I started to watch this one. i demand Wonkette give me back the 2 minutes(NO, I didn't watch the whole thing) I wasted.
4 out of 5 dentists recommend OMNEY. It has the ADA Seal of Acceptance!
Safe when used exactly as directed. Do not exceed dosage guidelines.
I guess the fifth dentist is either black or Hispanic.
OMNEY has been shown to be an effective decay preventative dentifrice when used in a conscientiously applied program of oral hygiene and regular professional care.
You'll wonder where the yellows (and blacks, and browns) went
When you vote for Mitt for President!
Omney "Purple fantasy, rollin' in my purple Caddy"
Now that's a real slogan.
Also, that "R" looks a little limp, if you know what I mean.
Purple Omney in the Purple City is Purple.
What rhymes with that, anyhoo?
The closest I could come to rhyming "purple" is "Berffle." And I did have to look that up in your Funk & Wagnalls.
See the birds
Red, blue and purple
If the sight don't drive ya mad
The chirp'll.
Also,
What color is a belch? Burple.
Maple Surple, according to Roger Miller
Didn't Sarah Palin use the running thing in 2008?
OT: on CNN.com Trump says he's the Obama campaign's worst nightmare. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH…..ow, now I'm sore.
Easy there, TrumpWench
Lou Sarah's running made sense, though, because America loves bouncing titties, because of teh freedumb boners.
This, TPaw and Trump's media tour are the best things that could happen to Obama.
The GOP – constantly reminding us what douchebags they are.
I've been saying that for months (years? decades?) but I'm getting increasingly unsure that the American will ever be aware of just how big a bunch of douchebags Republicans are.
Watching the Republicans from here at Wonkette makes me feel like a member of the crowd of Tunisian extras when Michael Palin and Graham Chapman were doing the whole "Wewease Wodewick" and "Thamthon the Thadduthee Thtrangler" bit up on the dais.
Mother had the feeling he might be TOO appealing, so mother never told him about Ultra-Brite: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaGR0SGuRkk
(If only she were still around to run for Prez–or anything else.)
I made it a whole minute into the video…is this a Poe? Surely it was not serious?
I watched the whole thing thinking it some really brilliant snark, but now I'm not so sure.
Either way, Mitt should hunt those fuckers down and shoot them, they ain't helping him.
If he hunts them down, I might think better of him for about three-quarters of a minute.
If this http://wonkette.com/411667/georgia-gov-candidate-… is real, then Gimme Mitt could be for real.
I watched the whole thing. It brought a tear to my eye. Then I dry-heaved.
My ears were bleeding after 0:49. Damn you Jack Stuef.
Wait. Wasn't "Omney" a computer from the 80s? Or a bad soft-porn SF magazine put out by Guccione?
Also, a crappy econobox sold by Chrysler back in the 1980s.
Mitt's video is certainly something that Jeebus-tear-weeping bald eagles could fap to.
Just like all
aliensMormons, the message is subliminal: OMNEY = MONEY. GIVE TO THE 'PASTY' FACE. MARRY AND REPRODUCE.I had slow day, too, evidenced by the fact I was posting to Wonkette. I didn't get fired, didn't file a grievance, and didn't get reported for drinking on the job. I formally announce my candidacy for President of Earth. Vote for me.
"A vote for slithytoves is a vote for slithytoves!"
you have my vote! and all the absentee ballots from every state I've ever lived!
Don't blame me! I voted for slithytoves!
Thanks! Yer check is in the mail. (Please don't cash before 2021.)
"Gimme Mitt" is a real treat. Syrup of Ipecac will be obsolete.
Mitt Romney: Like Pawlenty, except without all that charisma.
Reminds me of an old joke, the punchline of which is, "Second prize is TWO weeks in Detroit".
Now I want Boner to run; I'm imagining his campaign song.
"Give me Boner, more Boner, it'll carry us throu-u-u-u-gh…"
The Rethuglicans have cut the funding for people who have a running Boehner.
I thought Cialis and Viagra had all these warnings about having a Boner for a couple of days, much less years?
Yeah, as soon as I have an erection lasting more than 4 hours, f**k calling a doctor — I'm booking a room in the Hilton and calling every ex-girlfriend in the book.
If Mitt wins the candidacy, he can make Boehner his VP Candidate and we'll have Mitt Boehner.
Welcome back, Missy.
Seconded!
Jack, you got the soundtracks reversed. Watching the second vid with Omney's audio over it just hip-hop rocks!
an empty news cycle this afternoon
Fuck..we just went to 7 in Japan, folks
Uh, that's Chernobyl Game Level 7
Fuck.
Oh, it's okay. Now that we in America have confirmed that we're all good, to hell with those furriners. What's Charlie Sheen up ta?
RED ALERT, people! Look sharp.
(Um, seriously, that's bad. But whatta the fuck-a we supposed to do about it?)
I'm not sure, but I'll assume we're supposed to boycott TEPCO or something.
drink? more?
Just not milk or water… that leaves vodka. Oh, perfect!
I like how your only options are milk, water, or vodka. Just the essentials.
Mitt will fix it. Anybody that can rhyme "ours" with "cause" can do anything.
That's RRRomney, now with more R's than Ronald Reagan.
Man, this guy is like the boring version of Al Gore.
Looking at that aqua-fresh "R" too long may make you vomit.
I don't think he's gellin'.
How easy will Trump trounce this goofball…
Poor Mittens! 2012 is the Year of the Crazies. He should be screaming about the 80 bazillion in deficits that will cause our great-grandchildren to self-abort.
Geeesh. Give him a chance to warm up. He is only just now doing the exploring thing. Shouldn't be too long before he is blathering.
Romney's so damn boring it's almost impossible to really make fun of him. There just isn't anything there, except for the magic underwear and the dog thing (both of which have been pretty much played out).
Wake me up when Bachmann jumps on the "Hopey's brain was operated on by aliens" train (or flashes her coochie on Fox).
I think Romney will surprise you at the adeptness with which he inspires mockery.
I await for the teabagger response to this rather direct link between Romney and the fluoridation of just about every-goddamn-thing in America.
Here's a video synopsis of Gimme Mitt, FWIW:
Foundling Fathers, flags, Lincoln, St. Ronny, WTC, eagles, 911, WWII, law and homeland security order, business cred, $1 million Mitt bill?, kissing babies, family, family
hate libs, businessman, hate lib elites, freedom, and most important, lots of Mitt — he's a looker.
Romney/Omney '12
What kind of teabagger video shows Reagan just as they sing the room "error"?
one who's a commie sleeper agent and still hasn't come in from the cold, yet.
"Believe In America." Isn't he cute? And don't you other kids tell him any different, you hear? I want him to hold on to his childhood as long as he can.
I borrowed a friend's '79 Dodge Omney once. It was a piece of crap, too.
(R)Omney 2012: he's Romnipotent.
he's also Romniverous? grrr!
He can get away with ripping off a toothpaste logo because most Republican primary voters don't have teeth.
Is that why they don't call it teethpaste?
So John Ashcroft finally got a singing gig.
Wow, that "Gimme Mitt" thing was a crime against rhythm, rhyme, scansion and arrangement at least. And how many times do you hear lyrics about running the Olympics and bringing "fiscal success" to Massachusetts? Add to this the random vibrato for inexplicable moments of pathos, the swelling harmonies, the "turned water to wine" (oh sure, why not?) — its sum total just screams "If you were all just as blindly adoring as I am this would be a great country, ruled as we would be by the likes of Jim Jones and Aimee Semple MacPherson."
Yeah, I wondered about that "water into wine" thing (at 1:21 for those who wish to experience the blessed lyrics for themselves). Wine – for a Mormon? Or doesn't the Moran who wrote this know about liquor and the Latter Days Aints?
Did Trey Parker and Matt Stone write/preform this?
I upfisted you sheerly for your screen name/avatar.
Omney-present
Omney-vor
Omney-potentOmney…
Omni hotels?
Omney there yet?
For the campaign trail:
omneybus
Romney paste: A sedative and teeth whitener all in one. Magical underpants not included.
that doesn't sound so bad, really.
"OMMMMMMMMMMM"ney? The yoga people want their peace of mind back.
reminds me of this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxVH5sKUlPg
from the depths of my Johnson, I thank you.
Rom-N-y 4 U and Me!
Glad to hear he's not letting that whole "Stepfather to Obamacare" thing keep him down!
For me, Palin using that creates almost the same disconnect as the German golden oldie arbeit macht frei.
Romney Brand! It's the Lava Soap of Toothpaste!
The Owl is back! All hail the Owl! Hope you're hale.
But, that Lava comment reminds me of the old joke about the toothbrush salesman with a lisp. Punchline:
"This tastes like shit,"
"It is shit…wanna buy a toothbrush?"
Do they call him Mitt because he likes to hold balls? Those are the whitest teeth I've cum across.
Amazing. Is there anything Word Art can't do?
last used by loser John Kerry in 2004
So, (R)omney was a combat vet in Vietnam?
Ahhahahaha…no. He was in France in the 60's. If he was a Dem, he'd be crucified for that.
That video gags maggots. It looks like something that was produced for a junior high course in "Introduction to Hollywood film making." C+ I hope that Mittens uses it this time around to save money.
A swiftboat would overrun Mitt so fast they would not even realize he was there!
He's definitely with T-Paw on the Lazy River.
His first choice, "Let's Get Romney-Sexual," didn't quite pan out.
Omney = Omen
The Omen
Directed by Richard Donner. Starring Gregory Peck, Lee Remick, David Warner. An American ambassador learns to his horror that his son is actually the literal Antichrist
Or…
Omney: now guranteed to clean santorum!
Omentum. I just don't know if it is the Greater or the Lesser.
Romney believes in America, and god cursed black people with dark skin because they are angels of the devil. Always knew there was something wrong with Lil Wayne.
yeah well mitt you didn't really 'carry us thru' did you? didn't even make it to the final round defending 'merica's honor against the kenyan birther… left us to be defended by that old guy who crashed all those airplanes… left us to the tender mercies of the pitbull with crappy lipstick…
fuck you mitt. you've failed us before.
you'll do so again.
HI, BILLY MAYS HERE FOR OMNEY CLEAN. ARE YOU TIRED OF BROWNS DIRTYING UP YOUR WHITE HOUSE? JUST SPRAY OMNEY CLEAN AND BOOM! YOUR WHITES ARE CLEAN AND NON-THREATENING JUST LIKE THAT!
GET YOUR WHITES WHITER THAN WHITE WITH OMNEY CLEAN.
so full of win
CALL NOW AND WE'LL THROW IN A TOP RATE TAX CUT! JUST PAY LOBBYISTS AND TOADIES!
Seconding "full of WIN".
It was the "non-threatening" that pushed it over the top – so perfect, so perfect.
Shouldn't it be in Teabagger-speak?
BELIVE in Real America
also: 'q' is awesome tonight.
Have you noticed that when you squeeze Aqua Fresh out of the tube and all the colors get mixed together it looks kind of grey?
Just sayin'…..
He will never be President Omney. Though, I think he might have a shot at the Aquafresh spokes-model after he's out of the race.
Where's The Beef?
Fun Mormon facts.
There is a reason why Mormon people have dumb first names.
You see there are only a handful of different surnames in Utah.
Mostly they are Young, Clark, Smith or Johnson.
If they give their kids normal first names, you'd end up with 13 Jeff Clarks, 11 Larry Smiths and 23 Mary Johnsons is every single class. Giving their kids weird first names makes them unique.
In Romney's case, he goes by his weird middle name Mitt because there were already 300 Willard Romneys at Brigham Young.
Just guess which state has the most Romneys? http://names.whitepages.com/last/romney
more fun Mormon name stuff: http://wesclark.com/ubn/
Some of those baby names sound a bit 'urban' to me.
"There is a reason why Mormon people have dumb first names.
You see there are only a handful of different surnames …
If they give their kids normal first names, you'd end up with 13 Jeff Clarks, 11 Larry Smiths and 23 Mary Johnsons is every single class. Giving their kids weird first names makes them unique. "
This is something I hadn't actually known before, thanks.
My question is, how is "Mitt" short for "Willard"?
Man, that second video, it all starts to make sense. "Give me Mitt…he'll Kerry us through". There was also what sounded like ""He shaking down every company, one by one…" That can't be right.
Why didn't he just go with "New! Improved!" for a slogan, an obvious extension of "Tested. Proven." I'd call Mitt quite the product, but for fear he'd take it as a compliment, and that's just wrong.
"ROMNEY- Mittens you can believe in."
And hey, Aquafresh: you're #1 to me. Don't ever change.
Fresh. Clean. Conservative.
Entitlement programs and gingivitis, you're both on notice.
Not "Belive in America also freedom of speech and smaller government where they have oversight and that's all a part of the maverick thing that is so full of spirit and energy with no holds barred protection from the LameStream Media"?
And to fit right in, Mitt's campaign slogan is in ALL CAPS.
"Mormons: three in one protection for your family." Why not maximize a motto that embraces both AquaFresh AND polygamy.
I don't mean to sound like a bigot, but Mormons are even worse than the Jews…and you know how those Jews are.
Mostly reasonable, educated and thoughtful? I don't know. How are those Jews?
Check out that family photo with the three dozen kids and the whatnot. If this guy is not a motherfucker–it's the only think he's not fucked. And did he really turn water into wine like the song sez…cause if he did, fuck it, I'm voting for him.
At least they can't use the shirtless Ted video on their commercials anymore. Unless the are complete douchebags. But wait . . . .
Mitt Romney Takes Slogan From Loser John Kerry, Logo From Toothpaste
…and ideas from inside his own ass!
OMNEY
Relieve on America.
Mormon Glenn Beck arguing for a return to the Gold Standard was just the beginning. In 2013, America gets a Golden Shower.
This message paid for by Mitt's the Shit 2012. Undead Merlin Olsen, Treasurer.
Not a very good Mormon if he's turning water to wine….
Trump and Romney will lose of course, and probably very badly, but think of all the 'money and jawbs they'll be pumping into the economy! All's we need is Steve Forbes, Bill Gates and Paul Allen, and the damn depression will be over.
Don't forget the Omney-Grab, which made a fortune for The Jerk.
Omney-Grab / Peters 2012!
Who is Omney?
Omney, or Romney, has no business being president, or holding any political office. He's unqualfied, inexperienced, an idiot, a moron, a poseur, he was a lousy governor, and he's just a nimrod.
Mittens Romney – Aquadouche! Seriously, his logo is about as good as that of Aquafresh….will leave your teeth nice and white – but leave a nasty taste in your mouth.
I've never seen that Romney documentary before, he cleaned up America and turned water to wine? Not bad for a Mormon.
A bland rich guy from Massachusetts who says "Believe in America."
Can Bob Shrum be far behind?
Maybe he chose the toothpaste logo because he wants to be seen as "refreshing." Let's just be glad he didn't rip off the Massengill logo. Although that would have been more appropriate.
With the Aquafresh logo and the "Touch of Grey" inky black product in his hair, maybe Romney can have his campaign financed by a consortium of RiteAide/DuaneReade& Walgreen's.
Aquafresh is a loser toothpaste? But it keeps my smile bright and minty fresh!
It does, right?
Doesn't it?
What is it with political candidates and logos and slogans? I am not buying some stupid product I don't need, I am voting for a president. How about wasting your time on hammering out a decent policy. And what is it with the red, white, and blue? We are not that dense as a country yet, we know we're voting for president of America. It's not like your only other option is pink nail polish, people, there's millions of colors to choose from.
Oh no you don't, Jack. I spent my day divided between my dentist, the VA Eye Clinic and stuck in traffic transiting the two. You don't seriously expect me to voluntarily watch the Mitster, do you? I'm not as dumb as I look….well, not quite.
Well, the milk and water will be contaminated, but vodka, sweet vodka should still be just fine. If you prefer gin or tequila, I'm sure those will work.
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