ROMNEYCARE  4:38 pm April 11, 2011

Weird Robot Mitt Romney Makes Creepy Video Announcing His Candidacy

by Ken Layne

Here’s a hilarious Will Ferrell spoof of a Mitt Romney campaign announcement. No wait, it’s the actual announcement:

Oh for fuck’s sake.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 68 comments }

Gratuitous World April 11, 2011 at 4:43 pm

correction: "they just don't know how wages are undercut or jobs are sent overseas in the private sector. my hair does."

DaRooster April 11, 2011 at 4:47 pm

My hair dos?

exmartinette April 11, 2011 at 4:47 pm

"Hi. This is Dash Riprock speaking to you from an empty stadium somewhere. Bzzz, dsfg, glplxxk, boop, send money."

OkieDokieDog April 11, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Don't feed the Mittens, he'll breed.

nounverb911 April 11, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Too late.

poncho_pilot April 12, 2011 at 5:19 am

i think mormons are like mogwai. water makes them breed. feeding them after midnight turns them into gremlins. they can still drink 3.2% beer, though.

hagajim April 11, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Oh look…Mittens put on his "I'm a real candidate" face to allow his underwear to announce for him.

Gopherit April 11, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Mitt knows how to add money into the economy. He'll drop at least $100 million on this failed run. On the plus side, he didn't stray into any of his LDS cazy town bullshit, so he'll be in for a few weeks anyway.

SayItWithWookies April 11, 2011 at 4:52 pm

"And with this new meter I don't have to stick my fingers anymore. And these life insurance rates won't increase and I don't need a doctor's visit to qualify. Quaker Oats — it's the right thing to do."

Crank_Tango April 11, 2011 at 6:14 pm

…we won't get any older and we won't ever die.

CliveWarren April 11, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Get A Brain Morman!

harry_palmer April 11, 2011 at 4:55 pm

If the only qualification for President is having the acting skills of a bad TV commercial doctor, Mitt's your man.

nounverb911 April 11, 2011 at 5:04 pm

As proven by Saint Ronny.

johnnymeatworth April 11, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Odds that Mittens' hair trumps Trump's?

LesBontemps April 11, 2011 at 5:20 pm

My money is on Mitt's hair in two out of three falls. But Trump's hair cheats, so it all comes down to the refs.

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] April 11, 2011 at 4:56 pm

"Look, I'm standing in front of a baseball field. Am I totally fucking American or what?"

chascates April 11, 2011 at 4:59 pm

He's not announcing his candidacy, just his committee to collect money!

EatsBabyDingos April 11, 2011 at 5:02 pm

His eyes are entirely too red where they ought to be white. Hence, and ipso facto, he's been hitting the bong too much before trying to "teleprompt." Waaaay too Canadian, even for South Eastern Canada/East Vermont.

But I love the magic hair helmut.

cheaphits April 11, 2011 at 5:31 pm

Mitt better gobble every drug he can buy, beg or borrow if he's going to compete with the heavy crazies he's going to face in the Repubtard primaries…he's gonna need way more than pot,.

EatsBabyDingos April 11, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Yeah, I'm thinking Thorazine, for a little Dozin' and Droolin' So he won't feel so out of place with the other "candidates" or the hoverounds.

Crank_Tango April 11, 2011 at 6:15 pm

and whatever mccain was on during the debate that gave him lizardface. lots of that!

poncho_pilot April 12, 2011 at 5:21 am

McCain is the lizard king.

nounverb911 April 11, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Mitts campaign slogan:
A chicken in every pot and a dog on every car roof.

Texan_Bulldog April 11, 2011 at 5:10 pm

That's 2 minutes & 30 seconds of my life that I'm going to keep! But, I do like how the video is juxtaposed next to the "Giving up on gay men?" ad.

J Rbt. Oppenheiner April 11, 2011 at 5:11 pm

A renneydae fund?

widestanceroman April 11, 2011 at 5:12 pm

"How can it not know what it is?"

Cicada April 11, 2011 at 5:22 pm

You're on to something here. Mittens has shown a lack of empathy for dogs…
http://www.snopes.com/politics/romney/dog.asp

Schmannnity April 11, 2011 at 5:14 pm

"Last week in Nevada, I walked through neighborhoods with homes either vacant or in foreclosure." Spoiler alert for Hangover II.

Come here a minute April 11, 2011 at 5:15 pm

From the satirical video site President or Die.

EdFlintstone April 11, 2011 at 5:28 pm

Needs moar epileptic camera work.

Barbara_i April 11, 2011 at 5:31 pm

I wonder if he is going to win the soccer mom vote by marrying all of them?

weejee April 11, 2011 at 6:21 pm

Harem scare 'em.

Beetagger April 11, 2011 at 5:34 pm

No snark. This jerkwad has no beliefs of his own that he won't compromise away. He's like a goddamned weather vane, turning his pretty head whichever direction the corporate/tea party wind blows.

fartknocker April 11, 2011 at 5:37 pm

I will not watch the video. The last thing I want as a President is a former CEO/ El Jefe. And what is up with that hair – it looks like his barber went to the Rick Perry School for Men's Hair Care.

zhubajie April 11, 2011 at 9:01 pm

George W. Bush was both, of course!

Andrew Drinker April 11, 2011 at 6:08 pm

I fell asleep somewhere around 0:27.

KeepFnThatChicken April 11, 2011 at 6:10 pm

Move over, Bob Saget. I know now the real "illest motherfucker in a cardigan sweater."

edgydrifter April 11, 2011 at 6:11 pm

He believes in America. Cool. He also maybe believes Jesus moseyed around the old west in a poncho like Josey Wales. Good luck selling that, dude.

poncho_pilot April 12, 2011 at 5:28 am

that sounds like an awesome movie, though: The Outlaw Jesus Wails. "Wails" because he also plays guitar.

so, Zachariah meets Six-String Samurai meets Buckaroo Banzai.

BlueStateLibel April 11, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Why are there no American flags in that commercial? Why does Mitt Romney hate America?

Fare la Volpe April 11, 2011 at 7:59 pm

Not even one flag pin, and he didn't have his hand over his heart.

If it weren't for the fact that he's white, I'd be outraged.

SudsMcKenzie April 11, 2011 at 8:54 pm

No kidding, Military Flyover or GTFO.

…. or just GTFO

bumfug April 11, 2011 at 6:17 pm

Good thing he's starting a new committee – his last "exploratory committee" (both hands) wasn't able to find his ass. I also like how he can't quite kill the smile that pops up when he talks about how bad unemployment is hurting the masses.

weejee April 11, 2011 at 6:18 pm

His hair gel has left his brain folliclly-impaired.

BarackMyWorld April 11, 2011 at 6:23 pm

Wait….is that Mitt Romney, the pro-choice, pro-healthcare reform governor of Massachusetts?

Didn't he serve only one term and leave office with a 34% approval rating?

Nothingisamiss April 11, 2011 at 6:36 pm

That was soooo long ago. Do you think anyone will remember?

Radio_______ April 11, 2011 at 6:26 pm

Wonbot TSA-1138 (Ret.) could kick this cyber-ass silly.

Nothingisamiss April 11, 2011 at 6:35 pm

But….they're rich so they're obviously better than us!

KenLayIsAlive April 11, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Just curious Mitt, what's it going to take to pry the billions and trillions out of the super wealthy's hands and get them to hire and invest in America after making more billions nearly destroying our economy?

More tax cuts? Less regulation? Blow jobs? Slavery? What?

What a fucking Mittiot.

zhubajie April 11, 2011 at 9:02 pm

Slavery, esp. in blow-job bars.

HelmutNewton April 11, 2011 at 6:54 pm

I almost feel sorry for Mittens. Of course there's the Mormon thing. But his basic problem is that he's an old-school "backroom deal" kind of politician in a Republican party more concerned with women's uteri and teabagging each other over who can take away Grandma's Medicare the fastest.

Tommmcattt April 11, 2011 at 7:08 pm

If any post deserved commentary by that talking dildo Ken owns it is this one.

MinAgain April 11, 2011 at 7:12 pm

"Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!"

NadePaulKuciGravMcKi April 11, 2011 at 7:56 pm

neocon willard
for sale or rent

zhubajie April 11, 2011 at 9:04 pm

Robby the Robot for President!

GeneralLerong April 11, 2011 at 7:28 pm

Well, if they select Palin as VP candidate again, we can at least look forward to her murdering him and then carrying the head around as she yells "Me! Me King now!"

pinkocommi April 11, 2011 at 7:59 pm

I watched the entire commercial anxiously waiting for Mitt to blame American's declining competitiveness on the fact that so many science teachers are prevented from teaching creationism in our public schools. Or is that allegation just subsumed within the criticism of "Obama's policies"?

Fare la Volpe April 11, 2011 at 8:00 pm

Selling out, duh.

zhubajie April 11, 2011 at 9:03 pm

Servicing the private sector?

poncho_pilot April 12, 2011 at 5:30 am

hey! keep your government out of my private sector!

NadePaulKuciGravMcKi April 11, 2011 at 8:01 pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0qQwmknQmao&fe

Election '08: The Dope Show
upload by eenkmouse2311

XOhioan April 11, 2011 at 9:10 pm

Is this one of those Xtranormal cartoons?

Monsieur_Grumpe April 11, 2011 at 9:16 pm

I was hoping he'd demonstrate how to properly tie a dog to the roof of your car. Maybe in the next video.

Hatrabbit April 11, 2011 at 9:23 pm

"I'm not a sheet of white paper, I'm you."

Hatrabbit April 11, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Poor Mitt. He still looks shattered from the beating old Walnuts McNutty-pants gave him in 2008.

Hope there's no Octegenarians running this time around, Mitt couldn't survive that shit.

Pop_Socket April 11, 2011 at 10:03 pm

Do NOT watch that video while operating heavy machinery. I had to check my watch twice. I've seen more exciting Pat Boone music videos.

JuanJamon April 12, 2011 at 8:32 am

Allow me to summarize for those of you who rightfully do not care or have the time to watch this video.

Mittens: "Business, business, jobs, Obama fails, America, business, jobs, business, America, greatness, jobs, business, president, donate."

ttommyunger April 12, 2011 at 10:13 pm

What a dick! A lame, limp tiny dick.

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