Good news for the environment or whatever: Americans can no longer afford gasoline, because it costs about eighty dollars to fill up, so they’ve all quit driving cars! With the per-gallon price at $3.76 nationwide — and much higher on the West Coast, gah — some of the people are even sort of considering not living a pathetic sedentary life completely dependent on oil being extracted from Muslim countries on the other side of the planet and then shipped to the United States and then refined into gasoline and then carried in trucks (which themselves require refined petroleum fuel) and then poured into underground tanks at the Kwik-E-Mart. Some have even looked at commuter train schedules! And then they wandered away, confused, because what are all those little rows of numbers, anyway? The bible code?
The AP reports:
Most analysts are sticking to forecasts of a high of $4 a gallon, though some have predicted $5 gas.
Across the country, some drivers are already hunting for cheaper gas, sometimes with the help of a mobile phone app. Others are checking out bus and train schedules, reconsidering mass transportation, or trading in their SUV for a more fuel-efficient model.
Don’t do anything rash, people!
The article is full of delightful confusion from Economic Experts, who can’t seem to understand why demand for gasoline isn’t rising even as a few more thousand people have jerbs this month. These are the same economists who devised a system to track inflation that excludes all energy and food costs, because if you’d only quit going to the grocery and using heat in the winter and putting gas in your 1998 Chevy Tahoe that gets 4 miles per gallon, you would be delighted by the very minor uptick in inflation since the recession began three years ago. [AP]
{ 188 comments }
Rock the Casbah!
Rock the casbah? Ali, this is Wonkette. We rock the cash-bar.
"Others are checking out bus and train schedules, reconsidering mass transportation"
Mass transit is socialism! Are limos allowed in the HOV lanes?
Yes. Well here is what was formerly the peoples' republic of Minnesota we converted all the HOV lanes to rich people only lanes under the leadership of Timmy the Weasel.
You're not allowed in the lane without at least $500 cash in your wallet.
Looks like my cruising for burgers days are over. Would it be ironic if I took a second job as a Jimmy Johns delivery guy to pay for gas? Just kidding. I don't have a first job.
+1 Trailer Park Boys Ref.
+1 Zappa reference
"cruising for burgers"
I haven't heard this since High School!
Give me a hot sausage sandwich and a bean burrito and I'll give America all the gas she needs. Just ask the lil' lady.
You charmer.
Seriously, I don't know who thinks farts are funnier, her or my 6 year old son.
"The three basic building blocks of all comedy are: Dicks, boogers, and farts" — Eddie Murphy
Sharif don't like it, but you know, them A-rabs got so much oil, its good to keep them in turmoil just so the price per galloon can stay up.
*sigh* unfortunately you pretty much nailed…at least I found this little link lurking at bottom of this post…hell sometimes I DO miss the village idiot, at least the Shrub had some classic *prognostifications* to keep me spitting the wine out my nose http://wonkette.com/401149/jedi-knight-george-bus...
Where's my fuckin' jetpack! This isn't Tomorrowland!
And yet, some motherfucker invariably passes me doing 85 or 90 mph in his Hummer H-2 or F-350 with the 4" lift and monster mudder tires every morning.
Those people will be first against the wall.
/because the *real* villains will escape on chartered jets.
"Chartered"–how quaint. They own those jets.
Don't forget the four ft. wide "NOTW" decal across the back window.
I've feared googling that … it's a jesus thing, obvs., but is it somehow part of "Twilight" too?
/i often see it next to the giant MARINE CORPS decal.
Here in Ohio I always see the confederate flag across the back window with the letters "FRBR". Apparently it's some brand, For Rednecks By Rednecks. I honestly can't imagine why you'd be proud of that.
The ones who pass me are ALWAYS towing a boat. Always.
If we could just use the gas that's created by eating Taco Bell to power our vehicles we could all drive Canyoneros.
12 yards long, two lanes wide.
65 tons of American Pride.
Canyonero…Canyonero.
Top of the line in utility sports,
Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts.
Canyonero…
$3.76! Luxury! It costs a minimum of $4 a gallon in the Seattle area, and we have to refine it ourselves, using nothing but bendy straws and a filter from a goldfish tank.
You can get free gas. All you need is a paper clip (for the lock), a hose and a breath mint. Don't eat the breath mint first, at least that's what Otto told me.
"My leetle Robber Hose."
And prices will soon go up some more since BP is closing its Cherry Point WA refinery for 60 days.
http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/04/08/refiner...
Thank you for that article, which begins with the following: * Crude unit, coker focus of overhaul
Sounds like a party in Ferndale!
Ferndale? Ferndale, MI? The gateway to Allen Park?
True that. If it get's any more expensive, it'll be cheaper to fill up your tank at Starbuck's.
I'm always asking my car, "Car, why can't you run on Arabica beans and whiskey, like I do?". The car doesn't usually talk back, which is how I realize that I forgot to add whiskey to my coffee. That is quickly rectified.
Bendy straws? Luxury! Here we use two rusty tomato cans and a sterno, and we do it by a light powered by three potatoes strung together. And we like it that way.
You can afford string for your potatoes? We have to shave our heads and weave our own rope on a loom constructed from the rusty car parts from the autos we can no longer afford to drive. But do we complain? No.
You have a loom? Oh, pardon me you highness — when we need twine we make it by rubbing cat hair between our palms, in spite of our terrible allergies and the constant pain from when the cat scratches us because we're shaving it with a rusty Bic disposable. But we're a proud people and that's how it's always been done.
Oh, I didn't realize that you lived in an area where keeping pets was the norm. That must be nice. We ate all of our cats last winter, of course, as well as our rusty Bic razors. We really had to chew to get those down, but it was filling, and we gave thanks, like we were taught, for our bounty.
Bendy Straws!
The official straw of Sarah Palin.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/richard-adams-blo...
Hoverounds are very economical and run on electricity.
Yeah, but they make for hella boring evenings at the Friday night drags.
We like to play a little game we call "chicken." We point our hoverounds towards that cliff, and we each start out with a large bucket of extra crispy chicken. If you finish the chicken before you reach the cliff, you win.
That's a lie: they run on broken dreams and onion rings.
Just one more thing to throw us back under the bus (so to speak).
I'm saving my last cache of gasoline to fill up all of my empty whisky bottles with the rags in the necks.
Don't forget to add soap flakes, sawdust and a little dirty motor oil. ..Makes it all better.
cocktail party!!!
I will be attending!
Molotov Cocktails are so Communist.
We shoulda voted for Alvin "Soylent" Greene.
Now we can save all that money we were gonna spend on highways & bridges & shit.
Deficit solved! Yippee!
Tim Pawlenty approves this message!
That's OK, there's another nutty religious group about to get rich from oil exploration: http://www.deseretnews.com/article/600125803/Vast...
Meh. Utah. Maybe we can bury nukular wast in the hole when they're done.
Tar sands — awesome. Because Utah has so much else going for it, they may as well completely trash its natural beauty in order to get access to $250/bbl crude.
I'm just gonna sit all smug and pretty-like on my ten-speed.
Ding ding.
Whoa, you have enough money for 10 speeds!?
Talk about conspicuous consumption…
I can only afford one speed.
As a non-driver who walks to work, I will join you in smugness.
Everyone on the commuter train, do the wave!
And as a non-worker who walks to eat, I say we go get us an anus burger.
As a Noo Yawkuh who lives in the city with the lowest per-capita carbon footprint in America, I can only say… erm… what was the question again?
GASP!!! Five dollars? Obamar really is turning us in to a European style democracy. Without the cool stuff like single payer, trains to everywhere and ten weeks of vacation a year. In other words, it'll really impact the working and middle class, so…unless it can be used as a tool to bludgeon the Democrats, a big meh from the Retards.
If we could run our cars on vitriol and hot air, Washington would be the new Saudi Arabia…
I do believe the RNC would be the main production facility.
So the recent increase in the number of people on bikes in the city who look like they've bathed recently, don't have a shitload of metal sticking out of their faces and dress like human beings has not just been brought on by desire for physical fitness and concern for the environment. Now if they would just learn to stay off the fucking sidewalk.
I just got back from NYC, and was paying attention to the bikers there (because I am one) and of course there's no room on the sidewalks for bikers to ride, and most of them seemed pretty sane in the streets, especially when compared to pedestrians. (Had a beautiful New York minute when a very fashionable mom pushing an expensive-looking stroller ignored a very solid "Don't Walk" signal stepped off the curb right in front of our moving tour bus. After nearly getting crushed by our lurching bus, with arms waving, banging on the side of the bus, the whole works, she started screaming f-bombs at our driver, who, to to his credit, put the bus in park in the middle of the intersection, got out of the bus, and gave back as good as he got. Basically, mom was an idiot, I don't know if she just wasn't paying attention, because even though they obviously don't give a shit about the crossing signals, New Yorkers seem to be at least attuned to not getting killed by traffic.)
Made several passes through Central Park on foot, and didn't catch a single cyclist riding on the prohibited footpaths. All the two wheelers I saw were pretty well behaved. Disappointing lack of hipsters on fixies, however. About 95% of the bikes I noticed in NYC were beat-to-crap mountain bikes.
If I see one more Hipster walking a fixed gear I am going to take a hostage. Real cyclists use fixed gear for the track and roadies use it for spring and winter training (i.e. Dressage for people). This no brake trend on city streets is stupid and dangerous. I saw a Hipster slam into the back of a car (no brakes) and then give the driver shit about stopping short.
There's supposedly a way you can stop on a dime, without caliper brakes, by quickly flipping the bike sideways and leaning against your momentum, analogous to how experienced skiers and skaters brake. Maybe you should have to show proficiency at this before you can take a fixie onto public streets.
There's more to that technique also. You throw your body forward over the handlebars while applying strong pressure to the pedals, stopping the back wheel and throwing you into a controlled skid. Combining that with a quick sidewards flick, you can stop very suddenly. Not that I condone that sort of thing, of course. Bad for your tires.
Real Cyclists wear wool.
Down here in Dixie, there are occasional spandex-wearing bicyclists, but most of the rest pretty obviously have lost their licenses for multiple DUI offenses.
Wonkette regulars should be honored for promoting alternatives to fossil-fuelled transportation through alcohol abuse.
Nah, they've just reached critical mass.
Americans are now forced to take the bus because some selfish A-rabs wanted "freedom" and "human rights." And after all we've done to them.
Kentucky Fried Movie, FTW! And, "Better things, for better living, from Uranus!"
And, Dr. Klahn, who was my (and their) HS principal.
Lawrence of Arabia?
though some have predicted $5 gas
Of course. If you keep predicting $5 gas year after year, eventually you'll be right.
I predict that the price of stamps will rise in the future. Look at me I'm an economist now!!!
Too bad they don't have "Forever Gas"
Where's the whip?
I hope all those governors who turned down easy federal money for high-speed rail projects are happy with themselves. Wait, they are, because they're morons and don't know no better.
It's nice to see governors be so wingnutty that they'll screw over their own populace just to say "fuck you" to liberals; and by nice I mean enraging.
It's a personal right to pay 5 bucks a gallon for gas. Besides, we wouldn't need high-speed rail if the damned hippie tree huggers would let oil companies drill where ever they wanted and build oil refineries everywhere.
Rail service was the first thing to be put on the chopping block by Kasich. Granted, I wouldn't benefit from it any time soon, but now that I have a job that's an hour away it would've been a nice thing to look forward to…
Too bad we've all been thrown under the light rail (like cows on the track, but unlike regular rail light rail is derailed by cows on the track) by the party of tea baggery.
Moo baby moo!
But White Muscular Jeebus sez that it is every US American's god (not allah or jehovah or aqua budda) given right to put his big giant fat ass in a SUV fueled by cheap gas.
Today, we are all expired Happy Anus Meals, because no one can drive all the way up to the next window.
Or wedge our pudgy arms through the window, even if we could get there.
oil being extracted from Muslim countries on the other side of the planet and then shipped to the United States and then refined into gasoline and then carried in trucks (which themselves require refined petroleum fuel) and then poured into underground tanks at the Kwik-E-Mart
Ken you missed the final recycling. That is where because of the corrosion the gasoline leaks out of underground tank, fills Bible Spice's and Batshit Barbie's basements, and is then followed by a ka-boom and cleansing fireball when the hot water heater's pilot light kicks on.
The cyclist in me is just waiting for the rain to stop to start my commuting via Trek and Kawasaki. Price of gas is a good excuse as any, way I see it.
I keep an extra pair of shoes at work for the rainy days.
I'm just saying that it would be nice if we had light rail.
Tell that to the toxic Scotts and the Christies of the world. Neither of these assclowns won a majority, but they all turned down the $$. It was from the Gubbmint.
In the summer of 2008 I spent nearly 75% of my meager supply of Ameros to the propane company, electric co-op and my oil company charge card. I make more Ameros now than I did then, but they're worth a lot less, so I imagine the energy companies will again be extracting a larger than usual percentage of my treasure this year. $4.05/gal. yesterday…
The Repubicans — especially when Dubya was president — dismiss fuel price increases as the beneficent invisible hand of the market at work, sucking that fungible money out of peoples wallets into terrorist training camps in Saudi Arabia.
But mention a 0.5% tax increase and they can't say "job killing socialism" fast enough.
I suggest to you sir or madam that the reason real Ammurikkans hate public transportation is that it might benefit our very own brown and darker citizens.
Nah, we just don't want to sit next to them. But that is because Gawd made us different colors to keep us properly organized WE ARE NOT RACIST!
I'm not racist, I'm just very particular about color coordination!
Come on now, those folks aren't racists! Why just look at this not-racist comment against proposed changes to the Philly's suburban regional rail lines:
http://articles.philly.com/2011-04-01/news/293707...
"Regional Rail passengers are a different breed of rider," he said. "And now SEPTA is going to treat them like subway riders and make them go through turnstiles?"
At what point does "apocalyptic" become "post-apocalyptic"? I need to know so I can get my Road Warrior getup in order.
It happened last year, I think.
Don't fall for mass transit. Everyone knows that is the first step toward Socialism. It is all in George Soros plan!
Most analysts are sticking to forecasts of a high of $4 a gallon, though some have predicted $5 gas.
In other words, "most analysts" know as much about how high gas prices are going to rise as much as most meteorologists, when it's snowed six inches and hasn't stopped, know how much more snow we're going to get. At least they're not ministers, I guess.
It's already past 4 bucks in Chicago. I would hit someone with a blackjack for 3.75 gas. I am thinking of buying a burro.
I plan to offer free liposuction to all teatards, and then render the gallons of fat produced into biodiesel. I should be good for life.
Oh, FINE!!
That's just GREAT!!
Why don't you just… oh, I don't know… TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB while you're at it!!
they'll screw over their own populace just to say "fuck you" to liberals;
I think you answered your own question.
Let's see, I gradumacated from collage in 1981, so I think I can help answer your question.
Number 1: The war in Vietnam went on the national credit card. That plus an oil crisis and years of loose monetary policy meant that by the time Jimmy Carter was president, we have galloping stagflation.
Number 2: Jimmy Carter appointed Paul Volcker to head of the Fed. Paul Volcker said, damn loose money types! I'll get this mess fixxorred the old fashioned way! And he proceeded to wring all that inflation out of the economy, while provoking a vicious recession in the process.
Number 3: Simple-minded U.S. Americans naturally blamed Carter for everything, and voted for the Grade B leading actor/pitchman named Ronald Reagan.
Number 4: Don't forget the Iranian hostage crisis.
~
One word: malaise.
Can someone please explain to me what the hell historians mean when they refer to the Carter Malaise? It's so reductionist it makes my head hurt. They're essentially reducing an entire presidential administration to a time of "feelin' kinda poopy."
I take it they didn't care for the speech. Not that I care. I liked President Carter. Still do. Look at the kind of ex-President he's been. All helping people and shit when he should be out there raising money for his presidential library/legacy. Who does that???
Two words: Billy. Beer.
We must all follow in the tracks of the GOB and start riding Segways.
would you mind if we rerun that Jimmy Carter speech ?
As someone who played "tricycle gas line" as a child, I'd like to know too.
Except for the occasional Gun in my face and urinee smell i find Atlanta public transit above par.
Compared to…..?
Urine in his face?
I'd sure hate to be able to take high speed rail to my dumb exurban job. Wasting 3-4 hours of wages on filling up on gas to get to said job is fantastic.
I miss the days when I both lived and worked in the city and the bus got me anywhere I needed to go for a buck-fifty. (Get off of my lawn, also.)
I feel ya.
A whole lot of us have a choice between:
a) paying triple what we're paying now for housing to live within an easy walk of work;
b) walking 15 miles to work;
c) sitting in traffic for an hour each way of what essentially amounts to unpaid overtime;
but at least we don't have mass transportation to benefit the minorities and non-millionaires and single mothers and god knows who else — so I guess it's all worth it, right?
Maybe time to use that vaunted national reserve?
President Obama suggested that and Tea Bagger heads exploded screaming that it should only be used in an emergency.
Not sure what they consider an Emergency, but 4 dollar gas is going to drive the economy right back into the ditch the Bushyt Misadministration left it in.
Saw the most amazing thang this morning! Somebody other than the driver in a car going to werk. Next soccer moms will make their little darlings walk to the exercise yard.
I was line for gas behind a woman in a serious SUV the other day and she ended up with $120 worth of gas. I'm old enough to remember people dumping these big station wagons and buying Volkswagens in the late 70's; wonder if that will happen to SUVs?
It happens every time people get twitchy about rising gas prices – Craigslist etc is full of big SUVs. But as soon as gas levels out or comes down a tick, they run right back to Ford/GM/whoeverthefuck to get a fully loaded RoadLeviathon GLX Limited at 0% financing – life is good again!
We never learn.
Well. if you're in the market for cheap behemoth you don't plan on driving very often or very far, good times ahead!
It was the gawdawful sweaters, I think. Nobody wanted to be walking around looking like Mr. Rogers.
Once scientists discover a way to make cars run off of fat that would solve our country's oil dependency issue…along with our weight problem.
TeaTard next to me pumping gas into his Turdmobile volunteering out of thin air that we had to "get that socialist out of the White House". Could not help myself, told him I'd rather have a smart nigger in there than an idiot frat boy. (sorry for the n-word, but it helps to speak their language). He kept grumbling and pumping, pumping and grumbling, another potential Palin supporter ready to vote. Unfuckingbelieveable!
I love those guys at the gas station in a giant SUV, paying for their buddies on Wall Street to rip them off. Also, love to tell them that conspicuous consumption of a finite resource never seems to be the wise move. Get lots of dumbfounded looks on that comment.
It really is amazing how conservatives are now blaming Obama for the current prices at the pump. They fault him for not allowing offshore drilling (which would do absolutely nothing to help us now) and make a big show about average Americans not being able to afford gas, then march right into the halls of Congress and vote with Big Oil to resist every attempt at commercializing alternative energies. It really is ridiculous.
My post on that subject here: http://leftoflegal.com/2011/04/12/republicans-and...
How on earth did you resist not running him over and then backing up over him again?
Witnesses. Been in jail, did not like it.
Tell them it's the wonderful free market. Oil companies are free to set whatever price they want, and consumers are free to choose not to buy. Also, in Venezuela they keep gas prices low. With socialism.
And we keep corporate taxes low, with Corporatism.
I hereby use my Official Negro card to approve this exceptional use of nigger.
I think we need a seconding by another Official Negro to pass it, though. Any takers?
Racism jujitsu, fuck the world!
I've been told I'm blacker on the inside than Jesse Jackson is on the outside; prolly doesn't count, though. It is an ugly word, though; rarely acceptable for whites to use, thank you Mayor for this one-time (Hopefully) exception.
Underground ruffnecks, pounds of respect http://www.lyricsdepot.com/gangstarr/code-of-the-...
Since this has not been seconded, I declare a Negro Executive Order, therefore my decree is law of the land. Man, I have really earned my monthly Being A Black Dude Check this month, thanks Barry!
Too cool!
So, for some random reason I had my high school yearbook out and glanced through it. It has a list of what we paid for things way back in the day that says "$1.10 for a gallon of unleaded gas." [Sigh]
Of course, the biggest tragedy is making me reminisce about high school. Blech.
One of the few good things about getting older is that the older I get, the further behind me the house of horrors that was High School is.
shit, I am working right now, at home, in bed, with a cat on my stomach. ON THE COMPUTER, you perverts.
Of course on the computer. You have to maintain that web cam pay wall, don't you? BTW how much does a peek at the Mr Furley Cat Show cost these days?
Bonus points for the HSR reference.
So much of my language is from HomestarRunner.com that I rarely actually notice it. (And this is why my children were called "poopsmith" until they grew up enough to prove otherwise.)
The Poopsmith's job IS obvious.
Rolling the Vespa out of the garage again. That 80mpg thing wins with gas prices this high.
So it would be cheaper to throw flaming bottles of Vodka at them. I'll buy two, one to throw at them and one to drink completely over what has happened to my country.
The muezzin was a' standin'
On the platform cause the train was late again.
Because Reagan and Bush I engaged in a treasonous conspiracy with a foreign power to keep US citizens hostage until after the election, allowing Reagan and Bush to eke out their 1% win/landslide over the loser/peanut farmer who couldn't even get our hostages freed. Therefore, ipso facto, everything Carter said was wrong.
Well, really, I mean, solar panels? Really? [snickers through nose] I mean, what kind of wimp tries to conserve energy? It's not like there's any problem you can't solve by killing dark-skinned foreigners, am I right? USA, fuck yeah!
"Some have predicted $5 gas"? What a brilliantly gifted bunch of Kreskins. The cheapest gas I found in Death Valley last week was $5.40/gallon. Don't I win an award or something?
So THIS explains why I saw a fat lady on a Hoverround scooter on the highway the other day! Battery-operated – no gas!
Three years ago our Johnny died. The doctors told us there was no hope.
Gee, thanks, Wonkette. I always enjoy waking up in the morning to a steaming hot cup of the 1970s.
Can I crawl back in bed now?
The first time had a 50 dollar fill-up on my 1998 Honda Accord during the last big run up in gas prices I thought that if we just dropped more bombs on Arabs in the Middle East the price of gas would go down.
Downfall?
Besides, where do people that don't have jobs need to go?
1) He is a Democrat
2) The Iran Hostage Crisis
Hot.
That was awesome – it makes me want to get high this very second and watch Stop Making Sense. Is Monday afternoon too soon for that?
The last time gas prices were this high, Congress actually bothered to question oil company execs about it and they mysteriously dropped again. Given who is in charge of Congress now, this time I doubt we'll be so lucky.
Joe Barton needs to apologize to the oil execs asap!
Wish I had an electric scooter to get to work on…and they laughed at Dean Kamen and his Segway…
Things were so much easier when the bourgeoisie was standing on the radiator grill.
This is driving me crazy. Is that a picture of Jamie Farr in Cannonball Run II or what?
If it isn't it should be.
He thinks it's not kosher
Fundamentally he can't take it
You know he really hates it
Rock The Casbah?
But… but… He's history's greatest monster!
Millions of dollars for gas and not one cent for mass transportation.
btw, Carter didn't even use the word malaise in his speech. Just one of a hundred other Repub revisions of history.
I live in England. Last night I filled up the car and paid £2.10 per litre, which at 3.78 litres to the gallon and $1.6 to £1 works out as, let's see… Oh, just under $13 per gallon. Remind me, why are people complaining about gas prices in America?
For the same reason we always have. We have a trivial gasoline tax, and we're used to low priced petrol.
European gasoline prices have been approx 3X US (per unit volume) for as long as I've paid attention (forty years or so). We're assholes. Sorry.
It's over $4 in some places here in Michigan. Went up 30 cents over one night. I stopped really worrying about gas prices long time ago after realizing how subsidized ours system is compared to other areas of the world. Now, it's just an annoyance over the fact that we know that they are simply fucking with us when the prices fluctuates a quarter-of-a-dollar or more overnight.
There are many answers on this thread, and some of them contain reason.
I was, in fact, an adult (29-33) during Jimmy's administration, and the reason that so many of my compatriots refused to listen to him about fucking near anything is because he didn't lie. Consequently, he told the Merkin pipple things they didn't want to hear, so they threw him out. Bring on the actor.
Well we only keep the cats because they prevent the rats from following us home from the dump where we forage for banana peels and okra stems for our Sunday dinner. Ever since little Billy's nose was eaten off by the rats one night we've had to keep them. Of course they're feral, and possibly rabid, but we wouldn't have it any other way.
You have noses? What splendor! All of our extremeties were sold off last Christmas, so we could afford to by AnnaJo a dress for her wedding. We don't miss our kidneys, either. Never did see much use for extra anything, which is why we have survived as long as we have, blessed as we are.
A wedding — such pomp and circumstance! When two of our youngsters want to start squeezing out screaming brats of their own, we just wash them in water from the open sewer and lock them in the trunk of the rusted-out Packard in the front yard for an afternoon. Then when the groom drops the bride's bloodied panties through the hole in the floorboards we all holler and then beat each others' teeth out with ax handles in celebration. Our ways may seem strange to outsiders but we carry them proudly down the generations.
Oh, you have teeth, do you? Well, Mr. "Our Bodies Are Still Whole and We Can Afford Axe Handle", that sounds like a rollicking good time, but simple, God-fearing folks like us had to trade our teeth for matches, which were then used to suture the wounds left from pulling our teeth out. It might seem odd to someone who hasn't spent time in our humble dwelling, but it's tradition, and if there is one thing we honor, it's tradition and talking about how we honor it.
Okay, you win — also I think I need a cigarette.
Was it good for you? I felt the Earth move, but I live on the West Coast, so it could have just been Japan, at it again.
Oh, I needed that — you've been away too long.
That. Was. Amazing.
Like a great tennis match,
Hats off
Pussies.
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