but john mccain still can't get one accepted

Grammatically Challenged Trump Blasts Collins For Poor ‘Word Usage’

Yes, he will get beaten up on your wrestling show, sure.Donald Trump apparently heard the New York Times‘ lovely op-ed columnist Gail Collins wrote something about his birther revolution, and the cartoon rich man’s ears steamed with cartoon anger. “This will not stand!” Trump screamed to his assembled professional-reality-teevee-contestant employees. Trump sent the Times a response. “Some people have focused on Trump’s grammar; I am more interested in his lazy grasp of the facts,” writes Mr. Serious Reporter 2011 pageant winner Dave Weigel. Yes, the tired birther facts are not facts, which is not surprising. But Trump’s gall criticizing Collins’ “storytelling ability and word usage” in a letter strife with grammatical errors? Hilarious! We will focus on that part!

Even before Gail Collins was with the New York Times, she has written nasty and derogatory articles about me. Actually, I have great respect for Ms. Collins in that she has survived so long with so little talent. Her storytelling ability and word usage (coming from me, who has written many bestsellers), is not at a very high level. More importantly, her facts are wrong!

Donald Trump is so dedicated to public service he just gave the nation’s fifth-grade teachers a sample paragraph to hand their students to fix as a lesson on basic verb tenses. What a guy! “Her storytelling ability and word usage is not at a very high level.” Is Trump still trying to present himself as a natural-born citizen? It doesn’t seem like English is his first language.

Equally of importance, there are no records in Hawaii that a Barack Hussein Obama was born there-no bills, no doctors names, no nurses names, no registrations, no payments, etc. As far as the two notices placed in newspapers, many things could have happened, but some feel the grandparents put an ad in order to show that he was a citizen of the U.S. with all of the benefits thereto.

This is plagiarism. Trump plagiarized this paragraph from a nine-year-old wingnut spawn’s birther book report.

Weigel is upset that these lies were printed in the Times “without edit,” but c’mon, Trump handed them a hilariously bad letter. The idiocy was self-evident. Why protect media trolls from ruining themselves? [NYT via Weigel]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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127 comments

    1. V572..whatever

      Not a hairpiece, in the sense of prosthetic hair. That structure on his head is pretty clearly his own hair, died and grown to preposterous length, and then teased/combed/gelled forward into a simulation of…well, you can't tell what.

      There may be a small compressor with air jets under there too; there's no way to tell for sure.

  1. memzilla

    Bad hairpiece, bad grammar. But you can't get plugs to fix your grammar, not even on Celebrity Hairprentice.

  2. BaldarTFlagass

    I'm just interested in sitting down and having a beer with the Trump. And then getting drunk and beating the fuck out of him.

  3. nounverb911

    "Actually, I have great respect for Ms. Collins in that she has survived so long with so little talent."
    Look who's talking, mon.

    1. pbrex

      Thrice even! He fails upward so well that we really should let him be president, it would make a good metaphor or something.

    2. V572..whatever

      In his defense, some or all of those casinos were in a town so desolate they invited Trump in to give it some "class." So really, there was no chance. See, he's a victim!

      1. BerkeleyBear

        Gary, Indiana will forever rue the day they let him come to town. Given that it was the site for the Music Man, you'd think they would have seen it coming.

        1. tessiee

          They did. That's what the song, "there's trouble, right here in River City" was predicting.

  4. WinterOuthouse

    What does that cleft palate, lisping, idiot, black and gay hating, home schooled, little, bastard have to say?

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Having witnessed admin abuse first hand, I can only assume that any person who can stand working for this guy for more than 5 minutes either doesn't know any better or has been cowed into doing exactly what he wants the way he wants it.

      If it is the latter, I gaurantee the assistant writes up something like this and laughs about the errors with their friends and family, then acts surpirsed when the shit hits the fan. If it is the former, take pity on them – because they won't see the shit storm coming.

      1. Swampgas_Man

        For the sake of the Oompahs and their kin, we should have clear distinctions; BOEHNER is an Oompah-Loompah, Trump is a Lizard Person.

    1. tessiee

      "bet a lot of GOPers would vote Trump over Mittens"

      I'm guessing that a lot more GOPers have *heard* of Trump, which is often all that's needed.

  5. KeepFnThatChicken

    coming from me, who has written many bestsellers

    YOUR NEXT PRESIDENT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

  6. DaRooster

    "…but some feel the grandparents put an ad in order to show that he was a citizen of the U.S. with all of the benefits thereto."

    I am absolutely sure they thought about how he was going to run for President and so they would need the proof. My God you fucking idiots are idiots… grow the fuck up and play the game, and play correctly… with your own INTELLIGENCE, good luck moron.

  7. DeeJayKitteh

    It's a sad, sad, sad state of affairs when Donald Trump can make the ramblings of Ann Coulter look reasonable.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      In this case, the rug really ties the financial empire together. But he's out of his element here.

  8. GunToting[Redacted]

    If the NYTimes had any balls, they would add (sic) after each error. This alone would probably double the word count of the letter.

  9. bordo2

    Personally, I am inspired by Donald Trump's rags to riches rise from sexually abused shoeshine boy living in poverty in Spanish Harlem to. . .oh, wait a minute. He was born rich and has used daddy's money and connections all his life?

    Never mind.

    1. tessiee

      "He was born rich and has used daddy's money and connections all his life? "

      Yes, but it was his own skillz that enabled him to turn millions into thousands.

  10. SorosBot

    Now that Donald's gone full retard Sarah and Michele are gonna have to ramp up the crazy to keep pace.

    1. Redhead

      If you tell Palin he's "gone full retard," she'll come after you with a baseball bat. After she adopts Donald.

  11. freakishlywrong

    Ugh. This Trump character. Like a dog with a bone on a debunked conspiracy theory attacking a journalist for disagreeing with him. Next two years are gonna be fun! Or really fucking awful. I'm going with fucking awful.

      1. Steverino247

        You let me put an abnormal brain into a man with wealth, connections and Presidential aspirations?!

  12. CapnFatback

    Her storytelling ability and word usage (coming from me, who has written many bestsellers), is not at a very high level.

    That is sooooooooo meta.

  13. Frost/Nixon/Robocop

    It doesn’t seem like English is his first language.

    Really? His grammar is much better than the average birther troll letter to the editor.

    1. LettucePrey

      I personally believe that US Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and I believe that our education, like such as in South Africa and the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, our education over here in the US should help the US, or, or should help South Africa, and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our children.

  14. SorosBot

    I've read the Slate article, and god these birther myths are even stupidier than I thought. Damn, they claim that the family has conflicting reports on what hospital Barack was born in – because there was one article on him that gave a different hospital than every other. An article in a fucking high school newspaper. So some teenager's minor fuck-up became conspiracy material. Damn these people are really, really stupid.

  15. PsycWench

    He needs to take English AND Social Studies again, but I don't know who would be willing to take him as a pupil.

    1. JustPixelz

      Your profile sez you are a teacher by day and a mother by night. Sounds like you're fully qualified to take on this ill-educated spoiled brat.

  16. PsycWench

    Sarah Palin will probably comment that there weren't any grammatical errors and the LSM makes up these grammatical rules anyway.

  17. Limeylizzie

    My kind of person, automatically assume a stupid bastard has a dick so teeny that you could put it under your pillow and smoke it later.

  18. SayItWithWookies

    Gee, who could've foretold that a man who picks a feud with Rosie O'Donnell by asserting that all lesbians are dumpy would have a pre-literate mentality about other things, too?

  19. Terry

    So, has the existence of his team of Hawaiian investigators been confirmed yet? I'm still hoping he hired Dog the Bounty Hunter.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      He was having one of his better hair days, I see. Looks like one of those fluffy white seeds that blows around. Come to think of it…

  20. JustPixelz

    "…many bestsellers…

    All his books have co-authors, if not ghost writers. In fact, where's the proof he wrote any of these things? It's not in his letter writing skills, that's for sure.

  21. Gorillionaire

    As we speak, Trump has a team a financiers on their way to England so that he can buy the country and control the English language.

  22. notreelyhelping

    Seriously, the old dude who runs the secondhand store on the other side of town–the guy with tobacco stains in his beard and the "World's Best Uncle" hat–tells me this is all true! And you can still find some decent vinyl at his place. I'm mean, Swinging Fifties bachelor pad space music and Pat Boone before he went metal. Plus all the "Analog" and "Ellery Queen" magazines you could ever want!

  23. themcwow

    What is this "survived so long with so little talent"?

    Paragraph proofreading is also a fourth-grade activity.

    1. GOPCrusher

      To be honest, I would have preferred to see Plouffe respond by saying they don't know and don't care what The Donald says.
      Why give credibility to a man pandering to the Lunatic Fringe?

  24. __kth__

    Poor Gail Collins: to be measured against all of the authors that Trump hasn' t read, and be found wanting, must really sting.

  25. ttommyunger

    The real news is that this bloated, doughy pantload has learned to fart through his larynx. That explains not only the content, but the breath. You're welcome!

  26. BZ1

    The Donald believes, "There is a very large segment of our society who believe that Barack Obama, indeed, was not born in the United States." A large segment of the population also believes in UFOs, thinks that no one landed on the moon, (I could go on)…

  27. mourningnmerica

    I am not ready to throw my support behind any of the GOP candidates just yet. I am waiting for someone with a little more substance to declare. Say, Bobcat Goldthwait.

  28. NorthStarSpanx

    Didn't his beef with Rosie O'Donnell only make her more popular? Does he want to give Gail the Trump Bump?

  29. MissTaken

    Regarding that pic of the short-fingered vulgarian: Please tell me that is NOT the Donald's O Face.

    I mean I enjoy being taking down to the floor by a large, glistening, naked black man as much as the next person, but I don't need to know that Donald does too.

  30. El Pinche

    The photo played with my heart. At first glance, I thought Tiny Lister finally kicked the living shit out of that fart bag Trump.

Comments are closed.