Grammatically Challenged Trump Blasts Collins For Poor ‘Word Usage’

by Jack Stuef

Yes, he will get beaten up on your wrestling show, sure.Donald Trump apparently heard the New York Times‘ lovely op-ed columnist Gail Collins wrote something about his birther revolution, and the cartoon rich man’s ears steamed with cartoon anger. “This will not stand!” Trump screamed to his assembled professional-reality-teevee-contestant employees. Trump sent the Times a response. “Some people have focused on Trump’s grammar; I am more interested in his lazy grasp of the facts,” writes Mr. Serious Reporter 2011 pageant winner Dave Weigel. Yes, the tired birther facts are not facts, which is not surprising. But Trump’s gall criticizing Collins’ “storytelling ability and word usage” in a letter strife with grammatical errors? Hilarious! We will focus on that part!

Even before Gail Collins was with the New York Times, she has written nasty and derogatory articles about me. Actually, I have great respect for Ms. Collins in that she has survived so long with so little talent. Her storytelling ability and word usage (coming from me, who has written many bestsellers), is not at a very high level. More importantly, her facts are wrong!

Donald Trump is so dedicated to public service he just gave the nation’s fifth-grade teachers a sample paragraph to hand their students to fix as a lesson on basic verb tenses. What a guy! “Her storytelling ability and word usage is not at a very high level.” Is Trump still trying to present himself as a natural-born citizen? It doesn’t seem like English is his first language.

Equally of importance, there are no records in Hawaii that a Barack Hussein Obama was born there-no bills, no doctors names, no nurses names, no registrations, no payments, etc. As far as the two notices placed in newspapers, many things could have happened, but some feel the grandparents put an ad in order to show that he was a citizen of the U.S. with all of the benefits thereto.

This is plagiarism. Trump plagiarized this paragraph from a nine-year-old wingnut spawn’s birther book report.

Weigel is upset that these lies were printed in the Times “without edit,” but c’mon, Trump handed them a hilariously bad letter. The idiocy was self-evident. Why protect media trolls from ruining themselves? [NYT via Weigel]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 127 comments }

Hatrabbit April 11, 2011 at 11:33 am

I bet that's the last time Trump dictates a letter to his shitty hairpiece.

Fisty B Spankingit April 11, 2011 at 11:35 am

Fluffy! Take a memo!

nounverb911 April 11, 2011 at 11:46 am

Fluffy? I thought his hair's name was Merkin Muffly.

tessiee April 11, 2011 at 7:06 pm

It is; Fluffy is his butt gerbil.

V572..whatever April 11, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Not a hairpiece, in the sense of prosthetic hair. That structure on his head is pretty clearly his own hair, died and grown to preposterous length, and then teased/combed/gelled forward into a simulation of…well, you can't tell what.

There may be a small compressor with air jets under there too; there's no way to tell for sure.

WinterOuthouse April 11, 2011 at 11:33 am

That ain't write

memzilla April 11, 2011 at 11:33 am

Bad hairpiece, bad grammar. But you can't get plugs to fix your grammar, not even on Celebrity Hairprentice.

BaldarTFlagass April 11, 2011 at 11:34 am

I'm just interested in sitting down and having a beer with the Trump. And then getting drunk and beating the fuck out of him.

KeepFnThatChicken April 11, 2011 at 11:40 am

With an O. E. D.

BerkeleyBear April 11, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Unabridged, naturally. One volume at a time, over several days.

FraAnima April 11, 2011 at 11:34 am

"How I Spent My Wingnut Summer Vacation"

by Ignatz B. Trump
Home Room 4-1

Badonkadonkette April 11, 2011 at 11:34 am

Can Trump haz ESL?

nounverb911 April 11, 2011 at 11:35 am

"Actually, I have great respect for Ms. Collins in that she has survived so long with so little talent."
Look who's talking, mon.

ManchuCandidate April 11, 2011 at 11:36 am

I'll question the intelligence of anyone who loses money running a Casino… not once but twice.

pbrex April 11, 2011 at 11:41 am

Thrice even! He fails upward so well that we really should let him be president, it would make a good metaphor or something.

tessiee April 11, 2011 at 7:08 pm

"Thrice even!"

Or perhaps even *fice*.

V572..whatever April 11, 2011 at 12:04 pm

In his defense, some or all of those casinos were in a town so desolate they invited Trump in to give it some "class." So really, there was no chance. See, he's a victim!

BerkeleyBear April 11, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Gary, Indiana will forever rue the day they let him come to town. Given that it was the site for the Music Man, you'd think they would have seen it coming.

tessiee April 11, 2011 at 7:09 pm

They did. That's what the song, "there's trouble, right here in River City" was predicting.

WinterOuthouse April 11, 2011 at 11:36 am

What does that cleft palate, lisping, idiot, black and gay hating, home schooled, little, bastard have to say?

nounverb911 April 11, 2011 at 11:39 am

Which one?

V572..whatever April 11, 2011 at 12:05 pm

Todd's new baby?

baconzgood April 11, 2011 at 11:38 am

Jeeze, You'd think he's have a better secretary to do his writing for him.

BaldarTFlagass April 11, 2011 at 11:42 am

He probably fired her.

BerkeleyBear April 11, 2011 at 4:56 pm

Having witnessed admin abuse first hand, I can only assume that any person who can stand working for this guy for more than 5 minutes either doesn't know any better or has been cowed into doing exactly what he wants the way he wants it.

If it is the latter, I gaurantee the assistant writes up something like this and laughs about the errors with their friends and family, then acts surpirsed when the shit hits the fan. If it is the former, take pity on them – because they won't see the shit storm coming.

BaldarTFlagass April 11, 2011 at 11:39 am

"Fraught" would have been my choice…

BeWoot April 11, 2011 at 11:39 am

Bachman/Trump 2012. Bring it!

Seriously, bet a lot of GOPers would vote Trump over Mittens.

ManchuCandidate April 11, 2011 at 11:40 am

Yes. No Mormoni underpants. No Obamacare stain. Plus Mittens is a ROBOT unlike Trump who is an oversized Oompah Loompah.

Maman April 11, 2011 at 11:47 am

And a biznizman… which they all seem to get hot and sweaty for…

Swampgas_Man April 11, 2011 at 1:51 pm

For the sake of the Oompahs and their kin, we should have clear distinctions; BOEHNER is an Oompah-Loompah, Trump is a Lizard Person.

tessiee April 11, 2011 at 7:12 pm

"bet a lot of GOPers would vote Trump over Mittens"

I'm guessing that a lot more GOPers have *heard* of Trump, which is often all that's needed.

KeepFnThatChicken April 11, 2011 at 11:39 am

coming from me, who has written many bestsellers

YOUR NEXT PRESIDENT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

ManchuCandidate April 11, 2011 at 11:46 am

John Grisham?

GOPCrusher April 11, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Jackie Collins?

tessiee April 11, 2011 at 7:12 pm

Stephen King?

Crank_Tango April 11, 2011 at 11:39 am

my grammar is yooge, and the biggest and best in the world.

OkieDokieDog April 11, 2011 at 11:40 am

Trump seems qualified enough to start Teh Donald T rump Chart-eR Skool fur birfers.

DaRooster April 11, 2011 at 11:41 am

"…but some feel the grandparents put an ad in order to show that he was a citizen of the U.S. with all of the benefits thereto."

I am absolutely sure they thought about how he was going to run for President and so they would need the proof. My God you fucking idiots are idiots… grow the fuck up and play the game, and play correctly… with your own INTELLIGENCE, good luck moron.

DeeJayKitteh April 11, 2011 at 11:41 am

It's a sad, sad, sad state of affairs when Donald Trump can make the ramblings of Ann Coulter look reasonable.

DemmeFatale April 11, 2011 at 4:25 pm

I'm sad when he makes Mittens look like the grown-up in the room.

Hatrabbit April 11, 2011 at 11:41 am

The Donald: not the tallest skyscraper being disputed in the bankruptcy court.

Steverino247 April 11, 2011 at 11:41 am

Shut the fuck up, Donny!

BaldarTFlagass April 11, 2011 at 11:48 am

In this case, the rug really ties the financial empire together. But he's out of his element here.

facehead April 11, 2011 at 11:42 am

Now every birther will start quoting the NYT to support their position.

genxr April 11, 2011 at 11:42 am

I like Trump because of the interesting word usements he structures.

GunToting[Redacted] April 11, 2011 at 11:42 am

If the NYTimes had any balls, they would add (sic) after each error. This alone would probably double the word count of the letter.

nounverb911 April 11, 2011 at 11:43 am

Donald are you happy to see us or is that a "Tribble" on your head?

GuyClinch April 11, 2011 at 11:44 am

A Treatise on Vulgarity by Donald Trump. That's about the only book he's qualified to write. That and Bankruptcy for Dumb Assholes

kissawookiee April 11, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Using a tiny, tiny keyboard.

Gleem_McShineys April 11, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Scrambly The Tribble in Adventures on Planet Woodgrain

tessiee April 11, 2011 at 7:15 pm

Too bad for him that the title "A Confederacy of Dunces" has already been used.

bordo2 April 11, 2011 at 11:44 am

Personally, I am inspired by Donald Trump's rags to riches rise from sexually abused shoeshine boy living in poverty in Spanish Harlem to. . .oh, wait a minute. He was born rich and has used daddy's money and connections all his life?

Never mind.

ManchuCandidate April 11, 2011 at 11:47 am

Yeah, you'd think that US America learned from the colossal fuck up of 8 years of W.

BaldarTFlagass April 11, 2011 at 11:51 am

Now go home and get your fucking shinebox!!

Redhead April 11, 2011 at 12:41 pm

"and has lost daddy's money"

Fixed.

tessiee April 11, 2011 at 7:16 pm

"He was born rich and has used daddy's money and connections all his life? "

Yes, but it was his own skillz that enabled him to turn millions into thousands.

SorosBot April 11, 2011 at 11:45 am

Now that Donald's gone full retard Sarah and Michele are gonna have to ramp up the crazy to keep pace.

Redhead April 11, 2011 at 12:42 pm

If you tell Palin he's "gone full retard," she'll come after you with a baseball bat. After she adopts Donald.

tessiee April 11, 2011 at 7:17 pm

Somehow I feel confident that they're up (down?) to the challenge.

freakishlywrong April 11, 2011 at 11:46 am

Ugh. This Trump character. Like a dog with a bone on a debunked conspiracy theory attacking a journalist for disagreeing with him. Next two years are gonna be fun! Or really fucking awful. I'm going with fucking awful.

Hatrabbit April 11, 2011 at 11:46 am

I want to see his Brain Certificate.

nounverb911 April 11, 2011 at 11:49 am

Who's brain was it?
Abby Normal's
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQ_pKqiB5Rg

Steverino247 April 11, 2011 at 11:55 am

You let me put an abnormal brain into a man with wealth, connections and Presidential aspirations?!

CapnFatback April 11, 2011 at 11:47 am

Her storytelling ability and word usage (coming from me, who has written many bestsellers), is not at a very high level.

That is sooooooooo meta.

Frost/Nixon/Robocop April 11, 2011 at 11:48 am

It doesn’t seem like English is his first language.

Really? His grammar is much better than the average birther troll letter to the editor.

GOPCrusher April 11, 2011 at 2:05 pm

And it isn't in ALL CAPS.

4TheTurnstiles April 11, 2011 at 11:49 am

If we make English the official language of the USA, will the Birthers have to go?

LettucePrey April 11, 2011 at 1:14 pm

I personally believe that US Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and I believe that our education, like such as in South Africa and the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, our education over here in the US should help the US, or, or should help South Africa, and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our children.

SorosBot April 11, 2011 at 11:49 am

I've read the Slate article, and god these birther myths are even stupidier than I thought. Damn, they claim that the family has conflicting reports on what hospital Barack was born in – because there was one article on him that gave a different hospital than every other. An article in a fucking high school newspaper. So some teenager's minor fuck-up became conspiracy material. Damn these people are really, really stupid.

genxr April 11, 2011 at 11:50 am

This conspiracy runs deep. All the way to home ec. Even study hall can't be trusted.

Fare la Volpe April 11, 2011 at 11:54 am

The truth is out there….between third and fourth period.

CapnFatback April 11, 2011 at 11:49 am

This is plagiarism. Trump plagiarized this paragraph from a nine-year-old wingnut spawn’s birther book report.

Or his Internet talk show.

LesBontemps April 11, 2011 at 11:51 am

That's "vocabulary Nazi," not "grammar Nazi," but yeah.

BaldarTFlagass April 11, 2011 at 11:54 am

Nice one!

LesBontemps April 11, 2011 at 12:03 pm

I'm not Hitler, just Hitleresque.

anniegetyerfun April 11, 2011 at 12:13 pm

You know who ELSE was Hitleresque?

GOPCrusher April 11, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Nurse Diesel?

V572..whatever April 11, 2011 at 12:05 pm

Stop all this useless pedantry.

SilverTsunami April 11, 2011 at 11:52 am

Which begs the question, "How has Trump surivived so long with so little talent?"

Swampgas_Man April 11, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Daddy's money.

Gleem_McShineys April 11, 2011 at 3:26 pm

How is daddy monie formed?

PsycWench April 11, 2011 at 11:53 am

He needs to take English AND Social Studies again, but I don't know who would be willing to take him as a pupil.

JustPixelz April 11, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Your profile sez you are a teacher by day and a mother by night. Sounds like you're fully qualified to take on this ill-educated spoiled brat.

ChurchofRealism April 11, 2011 at 11:53 am

Short-fingered vulgarian also a non-haired grammarian.

Monsieur_Grumpe April 11, 2011 at 11:54 am

Welcome to the real world Donald where most people are not on your payroll.

Maman April 11, 2011 at 11:54 am

Can someone explain to me how he expects to run for president with such thin skin?

Fare la Volpe April 11, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Hasn't stopped Sarah.

__kth__ April 11, 2011 at 7:54 pm

didn't stop Nixon, or Bush 43 for that matter

PsycWench April 11, 2011 at 11:54 am

Sarah Palin will probably comment that there weren't any grammatical errors and the LSM makes up these grammatical rules anyway.

Fare la Volpe April 11, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Your liberalizating grammaticular rules have been refudiated, lame-stream media.

JustPixelz April 11, 2011 at 12:13 pm

She will tweet it, as "LSM fail on Trump grammer, elites dont like teh truth. 'Going Rogue' makes a grate gift"

ShaveTheWhales April 12, 2011 at 1:26 am

Got to celebrate shit.

Limeylizzie April 11, 2011 at 11:57 am

My kind of person, automatically assume a stupid bastard has a dick so teeny that you could put it under your pillow and smoke it later.

SayItWithWookies April 11, 2011 at 11:58 am

Gee, who could've foretold that a man who picks a feud with Rosie O'Donnell by asserting that all lesbians are dumpy would have a pre-literate mentality about other things, too?

Fare la Volpe April 11, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Hey, Donald, pinch your face one more time. It makes you look super serial.

Terry April 11, 2011 at 12:02 pm

So, has the existence of his team of Hawaiian investigators been confirmed yet? I'm still hoping he hired Dog the Bounty Hunter.

Fare la Volpe April 11, 2011 at 12:06 pm

And Boba Fett.

JustPixelz April 11, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Dey speak betta English dan de Trump, mon.

mavenmaven April 11, 2011 at 12:05 pm

I bet the original missive from Trump was all in capital letters.

anniegetyerfun April 11, 2011 at 12:14 pm
Swampgas_Man April 11, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Who let him have the crayons again?

weejee April 11, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Is teh Donald's appalling sense of tense an attempt to speak teh Vulgate to teh masses?

AJW@[redacted] April 11, 2011 at 12:08 pm
Dudleydidwrong April 11, 2011 at 10:12 pm

He was having one of his better hair days, I see. Looks like one of those fluffy white seeds that blows around. Come to think of it…

JustPixelz April 11, 2011 at 12:11 pm

"…many bestsellers…

All his books have co-authors, if not ghost writers. In fact, where's the proof he wrote any of these things? It's not in his letter writing skills, that's for sure.

mereoblivion April 11, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Best text we ever had.

Gorillionaire April 11, 2011 at 12:17 pm

As we speak, Trump has a team a financiers on their way to England so that he can buy the country and control the English language.

tessiee April 11, 2011 at 7:20 pm

Well, that's very nice, I'm sure, but this is the U! S! A! and we speak AMERICAN!!!

notreelyhelping April 11, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Seriously, the old dude who runs the secondhand store on the other side of town–the guy with tobacco stains in his beard and the "World's Best Uncle" hat–tells me this is all true! And you can still find some decent vinyl at his place. I'm mean, Swinging Fifties bachelor pad space music and Pat Boone before he went metal. Plus all the "Analog" and "Ellery Queen" magazines you could ever want!

themcwow April 11, 2011 at 12:29 pm

What is this "survived so long with so little talent"?

Paragraph proofreading is also a fourth-grade activity.

LesPaultard April 11, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Please don't underestimate the near near total stupidity of the birther crowd.

GOPCrusher April 11, 2011 at 2:18 pm

To be honest, I would have preferred to see Plouffe respond by saying they don't know and don't care what The Donald says.
Why give credibility to a man pandering to the Lunatic Fringe?

__kth__ April 11, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Poor Gail Collins: to be measured against all of the authors that Trump hasn' t read, and be found wanting, must really sting.

ttommyunger April 11, 2011 at 12:49 pm

The real news is that this bloated, doughy pantload has learned to fart through his larynx. That explains not only the content, but the breath. You're welcome!

tessiee April 11, 2011 at 7:22 pm

"this bloated, doughy pantload"

Nicely done, Sir.

ttommyunger April 11, 2011 at 11:41 pm

I have my moments. Thank YOU!

BZ1 April 11, 2011 at 12:55 pm

The Donald believes, "There is a very large segment of our society who believe that Barack Obama, indeed, was not born in the United States." A large segment of the population also believes in UFOs, thinks that no one landed on the moon, (I could go on)…

mourningnmerica April 11, 2011 at 12:55 pm

I am not ready to throw my support behind any of the GOP candidates just yet. I am waiting for someone with a little more substance to declare. Say, Bobcat Goldthwait.

NorthStarSpanx April 11, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Didn't his beef with Rosie O'Donnell only make her more popular? Does he want to give Gail the Trump Bump?

richhell April 11, 2011 at 1:54 pm

I liked Trump better when his stump speeches were like this: http://www.gocomics.com/doonesbury/1999/12/06/

Gleem_McShineys April 11, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Yeah, it just sits quietly on his head, never barking.
SIT! STAY! GOOD BOY, SCRAMBLES!

BerkeleyBear April 11, 2011 at 4:51 pm

With my feet, I favor quality podiatry to either.

tessiee April 11, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Can I get an a-men for peasantry? Or pleasantry, either one is good.

MissTaken April 11, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Regarding that pic of the short-fingered vulgarian: Please tell me that is NOT the Donald's O Face.

I mean I enjoy being taking down to the floor by a large, glistening, naked black man as much as the next person, but I don't need to know that Donald does too.

El Pinche April 11, 2011 at 6:51 pm

The photo played with my heart. At first glance, I thought Tiny Lister finally kicked the living shit out of that fart bag Trump.

Crank_Tango April 11, 2011 at 11:29 pm

well I dunno if “hairpiece” is the appropriate word…

tessiee April 11, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Vin Diesel?

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