IT'S MORNING IN AMERICA  9:19 am April 11, 2011

Donald Trump’s Birther Investigation Makes Sarah Palin All Hot & Bothered

by Riley Waggaman

Barack Obama's REAL bird certificate

  • What do rich people do with their money, besides using it to pay taxes? (Haha, what taxes?) Well, we know what Donald Trump is wasting his fortune on, since he is a shameless exhibitionist: He has hired a crackerjack team of private investigators to find Barack Obama’s real “bird certificate,” which your Wonkette has had for quite some time now. Sarah Palin has words of encouragement for Donald, obviously: “More power to him. He’s not just throwing stones, you know — from the sidelines. He’s digging in there.” Indeed! And although Palin claims that our president was born right here, in Freedomland, she also hints that Obama is hiding something. Something sinister! That his real father is Malcolm X? Or maybe a Marxist space lizard? Who knows! You would think that Donald Trump would have some sort of duty to his shareholders — you know, to make them money, instead of hiring research interns to browse Geocities-Freeper message boards all day long. (Donald Trump is not your ordinary businessman, since he is actually a business failure who enjoys “roasting” his celebrity clown friends on Comedy Central, or something.) Anyway, Donald Trump is creating jobs. Yay! [The Hill]
  • A skirmish between demonstrators and the Egyptian army left one dead and dozens wounded in Cairo’s Tahrir Square. Remember when the Egyptian army was supposedly pro-democracy, and refused to shoot protesters? Yeah. That’s not how military juntas work. [McClatchy]
  • A magnitude 6.6 earthquake terrorized Japan, causing mudslides and fires. [CNN]
  • Also: Multiple tornadoes tore through eleven towns and cities in western Iowa on Saturday. Good gravy. Please stay safe, everyone! [Des Moines Register]
 
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{ 189 comments }

slithytoves April 11, 2011 at 9:22 am

He’s not just throwing stones, you know — from the sidelines. He’s digging in there.

Ah, the joy of mixed, chopped, and pureed metaphors in the morning.

CapnFatback April 11, 2011 at 9:30 am

The more you dig, the more stones you can uncover for Sarah to throw from the sidelines! Presto! Everybody wins!

hollywooddood April 11, 2011 at 9:38 am

I thought she was talking about her hoohaw.

Monsieur_Grumpe April 11, 2011 at 9:38 am

It’s kind of like a super fiber cereal that tastes so bad it opens the apertures at both ends.

AJW@[redacted] April 11, 2011 at 10:17 am
ThankYouJeebus April 11, 2011 at 9:40 am

I recall an episode when Bobby Brown was really digging in Whitney's 'there' too.

SorosBot April 11, 2011 at 9:54 am

Let he who is without sin throw their cares to the wind cries Mary.

DashboardBuddha April 11, 2011 at 10:04 am

I nominate this to win the morning.

not that Dewey April 11, 2011 at 10:38 am

Seconded.

bagofmice April 11, 2011 at 10:04 am

Duh. Winning!

baconzgood April 11, 2011 at 10:08 am

You really have to buckle down your self by the boot straps because he who throws stones at glass jaws has yet to cry with the saints due to hell being paved with good intentions.

trampndirtdown April 11, 2011 at 10:13 am

And he stuck the landing folks.

tessiee April 11, 2011 at 2:05 pm

They say it can't be done, but sometimes, it doesn't always work.

SilverTsunami April 11, 2011 at 11:56 am

He's digging up the sidelines? Doesn't the stadium have some rule about that? *sigh* It's so hard to keep good playing fields.

genxr April 11, 2011 at 11:58 am

Oh, those Oakland Raiders fans.

user-of-owls April 11, 2011 at 9:23 am

Did I miss anything?

vulpes82 April 11, 2011 at 9:24 am

Nope, just the world going to shit some more. Boring stuff, basically.

BaldarTFlagass April 11, 2011 at 9:35 am

This just in: Earth to spin out of its orbit and crash into sun. And now, sports.

Limeylizzie April 11, 2011 at 9:37 am

Oh Owls, how are you? I was worried about you.

user-of-owls April 11, 2011 at 9:49 am

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tth-8wA3PdY

Thank you from the bottom of my little avian heart.

Limeylizzie April 11, 2011 at 10:15 am

And for you, the happiest song in the world.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fKHtlLIvyQ&NR

Mumbletypeg April 11, 2011 at 9:46 am

Dunno, still indigesting these 'raw story' feeds as they're a little too raw… At times feeling like Paris or Prince must have felt being dangled over a balcony blindfolded, only instead of the Gloved Wonder it's our Prez in a Dr. Strange cape and tights keeping me guessing from under my blankerchief while trying to gauge from the mob's reaction below what the hell is going on —
How are you managing during this 2.25-years'-long political hangover, u-of-o?

weejee April 11, 2011 at 9:50 am

Top of the morning to ya. There was this small bit about some archeologist finding a follow-up Mayan calendar that has something about two women rulers starting out in 2013. Could mean auf deutsch Merkle and Oz's Gillard, Hillz and Gabby Giffords, Palin & Bachmann, they're not quite sure.

PocketsTheClown April 11, 2011 at 10:37 am

There is a new breed of pol now. It will be black and orange and smells like camels. But it loves deeply.

MildMidwesterner April 11, 2011 at 9:23 am

"Multiple tornadoes tore through eleven towns and cities in western Iowa on Saturday."

Is this statement a commentary on the Republican primaries?

GOPCrusher April 11, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Nah.
Saturday night was much more exciting than that.
And Terry Branstad was going to fly up and survey the damage until his staff informed him that Pocahontas County was won by Chet Culver, then they changed their minds.

OC_1 metre wave_Serf April 11, 2011 at 9:24 am

Seriously, can you file for bankruptcy that many times and still think you are qualified to run the free world?

Limeylizzie April 11, 2011 at 9:37 am

Apparently so.

Monsieur_Grumpe April 11, 2011 at 9:39 am

Ego always trumps common sense.

Zvi_Bleindmeis April 11, 2011 at 12:16 pm

And Trump always senses common ego.

freakishlywrong April 11, 2011 at 9:43 am

AND, don't forget, be thrice married and the candidate of the "Values Voters".

BaldarTFlagass April 11, 2011 at 9:45 am

It worked for GWB, right?

deanbooth April 11, 2011 at 9:50 am

Knowing how to file bankruptcy may be a crucial presidential skill in 2013.

anniegetyerfun April 11, 2011 at 10:26 am

This is true – does our current president understand the intricacies of the law when claiming that, all of a sudden, you can't pay everyone that you owe money to? Because that's pretty much the next 100 years for this country.

FlownOver April 11, 2011 at 10:25 am

Keyword: "think."

DaRooster April 11, 2011 at 10:36 am

Hey… nothin' is free… hence the bankruptcies.

hagajim April 11, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Why not? W. did..

donner_froh April 11, 2011 at 9:25 am

The tornadoes hit the towns in Iowa where the Michele Bachmann campaign had set up offices. Having the first in the nation caucuses can have its drawbacks, like being destroyed by god, who works for Sarah Palin.

trampndirtdown April 11, 2011 at 9:25 am

The president certainly seems to be hiding the fact that he's a democrat pretty well.

franco_pinyon April 11, 2011 at 10:37 am

Hah! Sadly, this is more truth than joke.

SorosBot April 11, 2011 at 9:26 am

Is it just me, or is "natural disaster kills dozens/thousands/millions" becoming a fairly regular thing these days? Ah, guess that's the new normal of global warming and wild weather (and the old normal of fault lines making the ground unstable).

franco_pinyon April 11, 2011 at 10:38 am

Global Warming? There is no such thing as Global Warming. It was edited out by the Bush White house.

Problem solved!

DaRooster April 11, 2011 at 10:39 am

Just trying to get us desensitized… that way it won't be such a surprise when we are destroyed by God, aliens, that thing on Trump's head, whatever…

GOPCrusher April 11, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Global warming doesn't exist. It's just a liberal ploy to take money from the white people and give it to the browns.

WinterOuthouse April 11, 2011 at 9:26 am

"A skirmish" Riley?

Don't you mean squirmish?

Chet Kincaid April 11, 2011 at 9:31 am

Somebody hadda, surprised it wasn't Riley!

trampndirtdown April 11, 2011 at 9:29 am

It's not a real turdnado until Grampa Cornpants tweets about it.

CrunchyKnee April 11, 2011 at 9:31 am

It trndo blew thru Iowa Hawkeyes 2 b 4 corn!

easynewz April 11, 2011 at 9:29 am

True story: The 'Jasmine Revolution' was started by incredibly brave women. Guess how many women have a seat on the Egyptian interim government council? Zero.

Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss.

freakishlywrong April 11, 2011 at 9:30 am

As much as I feel thrown under the high speed rail that this awful country will never have by Obamar, (and the hideous narrative that cutting spending creates jawbs), when the birther shit starts up, and the Wassillabilly jumps on, I realize how loud and obnoxious that bullet was we dodged in '08.

BerkeleyBear April 11, 2011 at 10:06 am

If we didn't keep stepping on our own dicks we'd have high speed rail. But even in Illinois, where Durbin and the governor are both big believers, the local pols keep crying about how it might go through a part of town they don't want it too, and it will lead to – gasp – more trains coming through town.

And that's on top of the asses in places like Jersey and Florida turning the money down for no reason other than that the Dems tried to give it to them.

Democracy sucks at central planning. Except where it furthers huge corporate interests (see Big 3 involvement in ending mass transit in favor of the interstate highway system).

riverside68 April 11, 2011 at 10:32 am

Big three being GM, Standard Oil, and Firestone.
Now that was central planning! It goes to show what a great incentivisor obscene profit is.
OP can even make central planning work!

emmelemm April 11, 2011 at 1:59 pm

I read this weekend that Washington state is getting EXTRA high speed rail money because other states had turned it down.

{"Ha-HAA" – Nelson Muntz}

BerkeleyBear April 11, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Yep – the money Oberstamfuherer Walker, medicare fraud meister Scott and jowly boy Christie turned down. Although then at least Florida realized that there was maintenance/upgrade money for existing track in the package and now sort of wants it back, but there's no way the Feds give it to them without agreeing to high speed.

glamourdammerung April 11, 2011 at 9:31 am

I remember when Palin was whining about how unfair it was that people were asking her about a birth certificate.

But then again, I also remember when Republicans whined about how celebrities should keep their political views to themselves.

SorosBot April 11, 2011 at 9:39 am

Silly, remember that the Republicans don't have to meet the same standards that they hold Democrats too; next thing you'll be saying she's a hypocrite just because she attacks Obama just for using a teleprompter in speeches she gives while using a teleprompter.

glamourdammerung April 11, 2011 at 10:00 am

Or your pal whining about how mean those liberals are for banning them due to their behavior while defending a fellow Breitard advocating literally shooting people they disagreed with?

SorosBot April 11, 2011 at 10:11 am

Oh yeah; I see that on one of Breitbart's threads our downfister is involved in our occasional troll di_di_is_alpha actually supports killing all liberals. What a great guy!

Edit to add a note that the nakedly eliminationalist (along with the fascist "jokes" about sending all union members to Gitmo) are at the bottom of page 4 here:
http://tv.breitbart.com/union-protesters-arrested

anniegetyerfun April 11, 2011 at 10:28 am

To be perfectly fair, I did post a recipe for Rich Person Flesh Steak Diane the other day. It's so tender, though, I thought you guys might find it handy someday soon.

glamourdammerung April 11, 2011 at 10:33 am

So more than one of them agrees that literally murdering people for having different opinions and doing no crime is acceptable.

And yet these same clowns will be the first ones fabricating how the next nutjob that shoots at people because of right wing nonsense was really a "leftist".

Which sums up everything one needs to know about movement conservatives in a nutshell.

freakishlywrong April 11, 2011 at 9:46 am

Bing-fucking-go!

BaldarTFlagass April 11, 2011 at 9:31 am

I'd like to see the birth certificate of Donald Trump's hair. Or the receipt, anyway.

WinterOuthouse April 11, 2011 at 9:31 am

There is a mix-up. The Donald began investigating BO. He thought it was Barack Obama but he's hot on the trail of Bo's, the Portuguese Water Dog, brif certificate. Bo was not born in America and obviously in not eligible to be the First Dog.

Bo was born on October 9, 2008.

easynewz April 11, 2011 at 9:35 am

Bo is THE REAL ANTICHRIST!!1! The Apoplexipocalypse is nigh!! Refudiate your buttsecksing ways, you heathens!

kissawookiee April 11, 2011 at 11:27 am

If BHO was a real American, he would have bought a dog that was born on 9/11.

Goonemeritus April 11, 2011 at 9:34 am

No way Malcolm X could be his dad, by now he would have climbed out of the grave and given our POTUS a stern talking to.

BaldarTFlagass April 11, 2011 at 9:37 am

I'd like to see Barry sporting the bowtie, though. THAT'd get the right spazzing out like Science Officer Ash after Yaphet Kotto knocked his block off.

Doktor Zoom April 11, 2011 at 11:04 am

Obama/Brother Mouzone 2012!

SorosBot April 11, 2011 at 9:51 am

The latest birther theory (from one of the books Greer reviewed) is that his real father is Jimi Hendrix; I think we'd all like to see Barack give one of his guitar licks.

BaldarTFlagass April 11, 2011 at 9:54 am

Well, there's sure been some "If Six Was Nine" moments over the last couple years…

ShaveTheWhales April 12, 2011 at 12:59 am

Well, he is a lefty. Handed, that is.

4TheTurnstiles April 11, 2011 at 9:36 am

Does the GOP even have a candidate for 2012? So far it's a convention of crazies and ugly people. Specifically, crazies that will inherently divide the right.

You have three factions: the religious fanatics, the security-military phallus admirers, and the big money scene. W managed to appeal to all three just enough, and hence, kept the thing together. Palin or Huckabee for the fanatics, no one yet for the military-nationalist set, and Romney for the Moneybagz… no one all three can accept. Look for a third party spoiler. Expect a clusterfuck. Just be the adult in the room, Barry.

Terry April 11, 2011 at 9:50 am

Pawlenty, who barely was relected as governor the last time he ran. He's an exciting candidate, just as exciting as a nice casserole that someone brought over as a housewarming present and you forgot to refrigerate overnight.

4TheTurnstiles April 11, 2011 at 10:26 am

Not enough, as they say, "Red Meat." Norman fucking Schwartzkopf could win the nomination before Pawlenty.

Trannysurprise April 11, 2011 at 9:37 am

"Multiple tornadoes tore through eleven towns and cities in western Iowa on Saturday. Good gravy."

Don't you mean Good High Fructose Corn Syrup? I think they did away with gravy years ago.

ChessieNefercat April 11, 2011 at 12:35 pm

I believe the high fructose corn syrup goes on over the gravy, before the cheesy melt sodium sauce.

GOPCrusher April 11, 2011 at 1:18 pm

You East/West Coast Elitists know absolutely nothing about us people. Nothing can replace gravy.

GregComlish April 11, 2011 at 9:37 am

Guys, you didn't mention Trump's disgusting "Letter to the Editor" in the New York Times:

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/08/opinion/lweb08t

Trump literally declares: "[Gail Collin's] storytelling ability and word usage (coming from me, who has written many bestsellers), is not at a very high level. More importantly, her facts are wrong!"

How can Wonkette overlook this prime specimen of laughable unhinged bullshit???

This is the biggest Wonkette "scam" in history!

Limeylizzie April 11, 2011 at 9:51 am

Wasn't that fantastic? His grammar is so appalling and he is callng her out on hers.

glamourdammerung April 11, 2011 at 10:02 am

Maybe he is just working on his blatant hypocrisy cred with the aptly named "base".

Of course that would imply he was seriously going to run for the GOP nomination instead of just milk the Retard-Americans for money and another "reality" show run or three.

SorosBot April 11, 2011 at 9:56 am

They don't want to waste one of their twenty allowed views per month without paying a ridiculous monthly fee on Trump's claptrap?

Come here a minute April 11, 2011 at 10:06 am

Coming from me, who has written many Wonkette comments, some people have a way with words, and others, well, "not have way."

Doktor Zoom April 11, 2011 at 11:10 am

We're havin' some fun!

Ducksworthy April 11, 2011 at 10:06 am

The Donald admires Ms. Collins because she has "survived so long on so little talent."

He would admire that.

anniegetyerfun April 11, 2011 at 10:31 am

Or be incredibly jealous of it. A least she (apparently) has a tiny bit of talent.

donner_froh April 11, 2011 at 10:33 am

The times should have included the "dictated not read" line at the bottom of the letter.

riverside68 April 11, 2011 at 10:35 am

My favorite part was Collin's response in which she noted that in one of the Donald's notes to her he managed to misspell "too."
Don't get in a fight with a columist, They get paid to write on deadline and are always looking for material.

WinterOuthouse April 11, 2011 at 9:40 am

Republignorants luv signs from God. They can see them clearly when the Wrath of God is taking out the Japanese, Haitians, Chileans. . . How did they miss the unmistakable signs in Iowa?

weejee April 11, 2011 at 9:56 am

Prespikely so. In the last century how many were killed by floods, hurricanes, and tornadoes in God's beloved red states and how many natural disaster deaths in New England or on the left coast? Dog knows who she loves.

GOPCrusher April 11, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Iowa is a blue state, but we fully expect the Westboro Baptists to show up again with their God Hates Fags signs.

noodlesalad April 11, 2011 at 9:41 am

Tornadoes and earthquakes, that's just not classy. What we need here are some classy, grade-A natural disasters, like a volcano or a typhoon. Typhoon, like tycoon, the king of the disasters, and they hit Hawaii, right? That's classy.

tessiee April 11, 2011 at 2:16 pm

*lightly kicks noodlesalad in the ankle under the table*
Shut-uuuuuupppp with the volcanos!
*lives near Mt. St. Helens*

ManchuCandidate April 11, 2011 at 9:42 am

Looks like Trump and Palin are going to be squirmishing over who takes the crown in the "most stupider political person of 2011" pageant.

easynewz April 11, 2011 at 9:48 am

Ooh. Where can I get tickets? And is Charlie Sheen gonna be the MC?

ChessieNefercat April 11, 2011 at 12:46 pm

Separated at birth, those two. Hideous reflections of each other, with the spoon banging on a tray for attention mentality of a pair of two year olds.

emmelemm April 11, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Stupid AND incredibly thin-skinned.

freakishlywrong April 11, 2011 at 9:42 am

Or, maybe Trig's birf certificite. What's she hiding?

DaRooster April 11, 2011 at 10:35 am

Trig's birth certificate would at least be legible… as opposed to the former.

KeepFnThatChicken April 11, 2011 at 9:43 am

What does not make Palin "hot and bothered"? I mean, with five kids, apparently she's a bonafide sexpert, and apparently is itchin' for a scratch if someone drops a remote.

DashboardBuddha April 11, 2011 at 10:03 am

"Commercial's on…Todd, shag your ass over here!"

tessiee April 11, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Do we know whether she likes the sexin, or just birthin' babbys?

Terry April 11, 2011 at 9:47 am

"although Palin claims that our president was born right here, in Freedomland, she also hints that Obama is hiding something"

Sister Sarah just assumes that everyone thinks and acts like she does. In her world, who doesn't have 10-12 active vendettas and a few major skeletons in their closet?

bagofmice April 11, 2011 at 10:16 am

Wikipedia has such a dry sense of humor.:
Donald is the fourth of five children of Fred Trump, a real-estate developer based in New York City and self-made millionaire. Donald was strongly influenced by his father in his eventual goals to make a career in real estate development,[8] and upon his graduation from the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania in 1968, Donald Trump joined his father's company, Elizabeth Trump & Son;[9] taking its helm in 1971 and rechristening it The Trump Organization.[10][11]

Terry April 11, 2011 at 10:26 am

Fred Trump was a "self-made millionaire" with a company called "Elizabeth Trump & Son" where he was the son?

DashboardBuddha April 11, 2011 at 10:29 am

I once worked for a dude that named his company [Redacted] and Son. The kid was 3 years old.

ManchuCandidate April 11, 2011 at 10:53 am

Fred Sanford?

LesBontemps April 11, 2011 at 9:53 am

From the comments to the birther story at The Hill:

If Trump gets the republican nod, I am 100% behind someone that knows how to make business work and doesn't hate half the country's residents…

Irony is dead, shackled to a concrete block and dumped in the Mariana Trench. The end.

freakishlywrong April 11, 2011 at 10:03 am

By "Simpleton"

Why has obama spent millions to keep the birth certificate hid?? why does obama continue to hide college records, passport???
AMERICANS WANT TO KNOW WHO THE MAN IS THAT CALLS HIMSELF ''BARRACK HUSSIEN OBAMA'.

These are our fellow citizens..

Come here a minute April 11, 2011 at 10:04 am

… doesn't hate half the country's residents…

Yeah, he only hates the other half.

DashboardBuddha April 11, 2011 at 11:02 am

Actually, he hates the 90% who aren't rich.

Fare la Volpe April 11, 2011 at 10:10 am

Bankruptcy is the new Success.

freakishlywrong April 11, 2011 at 10:16 am

I also loathe The Hill and switch the teevee immediately upon seeing A.B Stoddard.

kissawookiee April 11, 2011 at 11:33 am

By my reckoning, the poors + the gays + the libruls + the men who accept God's plan for their follicles = 99.3%, which is just slightly more than half. Then again, all those bankruptcies tell me that Donald's math skills aren't quite where they need to be, so should I really expect more from his groupies?

philpjfry April 11, 2011 at 9:53 am

It would be nice if we could steer a tornado into a building with only Michelle Bachman, Sarah Palin and Donald Trump. There are other possibilities but I didn't want to be greedy.

ifthethunderdontgetya April 11, 2011 at 9:54 am

Great.

Not even 10 A.M. on Monday morning, and Riley has me so depressed I'm not sure I'll live until Tuesday.
~

vulpes82 April 11, 2011 at 10:10 am

I seriously have given thought to not reading Wonkette for a day or two, just to ameliorate the crushing despair. (Of course the dick jokes keep pulling me back in.) Not the pageview-juicing strategy Ken was going for, I think.

user-of-owls April 11, 2011 at 9:56 am

Vacuous Tit-Marmot Comments on Parasitic Hair Weevil's Secret Mission.

pg. 12B

easynewz April 11, 2011 at 10:02 am

Ha. Dunno why, but "Vacuous Tit-Marmot" makes me giggle like a schoolgirl.

CapnFatback April 11, 2011 at 10:24 am

Pssst. The secret is in the "Tit."

Doktor Zoom April 11, 2011 at 11:14 am

The Secret Tit was my favorite Joseph Conrad novel.

baconzgood April 11, 2011 at 9:57 am

You know with all this birther talk I'm starting to doubt that I was born in this country. Seriously, I don't ever REMEMBER being born in the U.S.

KeepFnThatChicken April 11, 2011 at 10:12 am

I grew up thinking, "There are other countries… clearly they have good things happen too, right? I mean, if people lived in Depressionstan and the sun never shone, that country would be the home of mass suicides, right?"

I mean, what's the population of North Korea? They're still sleepin' and fuckin' and eatin', right? Not that I wanna live there, of course, but Donald Trump's skull would be stuck on a pike if he were there — and would be utterly silent.

Limeylizzie April 11, 2011 at 10:20 am

I'm feeling the same way.

DashboardBuddha April 11, 2011 at 10:28 am

While I don't remember the actual event, I know for sure I was born in this country. However, I don't know what country I woke up in this morning.

BerkeleyBear April 11, 2011 at 10:30 am

Yeah. I have to take my parents' word for it (and that the paper they gave me is a real birth certificate). Given all the lies they have told over the years, I suppose I need to investigate.

baconzgood April 11, 2011 at 10:35 am

Don't trust your parents and thier lies. Remember the Santa Clause and Easter Bunny fraud they perpeuated.

SorosBot April 11, 2011 at 10:45 am

It may be true – if the Obamas created a huge conspiracy to hide the country of their son's birth just on the very unlikely chance he might want to run for President someday (even though, as his mother was a US citizen, he would have been eligible if he was born on the moon), then maybe your parents did the same and your political ambitions just never panned out.

MissTaken April 11, 2011 at 12:46 pm

My parents lied all the time: marijuana BAD, sex VERY BAD, boys like girls who wear glasses and read books and such. All LIES!

I'm pretty sure I'm also a Kenyan who has a doctored up birth certificate claiming I was born in California.

SorosBot April 11, 2011 at 12:51 pm

That one about boys liking girls who wear glasses and read books is true, for some of us at least.

ChessieNefercat April 11, 2011 at 12:52 pm

I'll bet you "don't remember" the name of the nurses who were at your birth either, hmm?

emmelemm April 11, 2011 at 2:18 pm

True story: last year I went to get one of those "enhanced" driver's licenses, since I had to renew mine, and I occasionally go to Canada…

Anyway, you go in to the driver's license place, and you fill out a questionaire which asks, among other things, what city/state your mother and father were born in. First of all, I realized after the fact that I actually put the wrong town for my father's birthplace – he grew up mainly in one small town in WA, but was actually born in the next town over. Second, as I was filling out the questionaire, I suddenly had a "brain lapse" moment in which I couldn't remember if my mother had actually been born in WA or NE. My grandparents met and married in WA, but I know they had briefly moved to Nebraska when my aunt was very small, then moved back to WA (and stayed). I think I left that space blank and just put "U.S." under the country. Then, when I got up to the window and the guy was looking at it, he said, "Hey, you left this blank" and I said, "Yeah, I just *totally* can't remember if my mom was born in WA or NE and I've called her like 10 times on the cell phone and she's not picking up." He said, "But she was born in the U.S., right?" I said, "Yep." Then he said, "Well, why don't you just put WA down, then." So I did. (Turns out she was indeed born in Seattle, duh, der, derp.)

Yay for evidence and verification and all that stuff!! (NOT.)

/p.s. I'm white – could you tell?

MARCdMan April 11, 2011 at 9:57 am

Gah, I don't ever want to think about Sarah Palin being hot and bothered this early ever again.

Come here a minute April 11, 2011 at 10:02 am

Instead of the insipid celebrity roast, they should roast one of the common folk, such as those who are bankrupted by medical bills, on a spit, with celebs paying $1M a plate. It will be all the rage, and solve the "deficit problem".

CalamityJames April 11, 2011 at 10:15 am

They would just write it off as a donation.

baconzgood April 11, 2011 at 10:21 am

"…but seriously I love Cancer Boy he's the only one to (insert shitty joke here)."

tessiee April 11, 2011 at 2:22 pm

"I kid because I love"

GeneralLerong April 11, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Actually, the traditional approach is to put the slave inside a giant bronze bull and light a fire underneath.

Back to my hummingbird tongues on toast.

Tundra Grifter April 11, 2011 at 10:04 am

"He’s not just throwing stones, you know — from the sidelines. He’s digging in there.” – Duh Guv'Nor.

In my neck of the woods (as opposed to necking in the woods, which I've been all for since high school), when you find yourself at the bottom of a hole you're supposed to stop digging.

trampndirtdown April 11, 2011 at 10:17 am

Shhh don't tell her.

4TheTurnstiles April 11, 2011 at 10:27 am

Trump ignores Palin. Palin can't ignore Trump. Hence: Trump > Palin in the political imaginary of the American wingnutosphere. How the mighty have fallen. Keep digging, Sarah.

Doktor Zoom April 11, 2011 at 11:20 am

Sorry, Tundra, you failed to mix your metaphor there. Try this:

In my neck of the woods, when you're a rolling stone and you find yourself gathering daisies at the bottom of a hole, you should keep on fuckin' that chicken until the cows come home, which is where the heart is. Drill, baby, drill, and support the troops!

Tundra Grifter April 11, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Dr. Z: My bad! Please help me out here. When mixing metaphors, should they be shaken or stirred?

ChessieNefercat April 11, 2011 at 12:55 pm

I'm just enjoying the concept of someone thinking that it is easier to throw stones and hit things if you first dig a nice deep hole from which to throw the stones.

I guess that's why castles were always carefully built below ground level; it made both defense and offense so much easier.

GOPCrusher April 11, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Give Bible Spice credit. She managed to interject herself into Donald Trump's Birther Rants.
It's all about her.

Fare la Volpe April 11, 2011 at 10:20 am

Donald Trump can steer a business like John McCain can steer a jet.

DashboardBuddha April 11, 2011 at 10:21 am

right into the ground

CapnFatback April 11, 2011 at 10:28 am

NEWSFLASH: Trump to announce Obama's birth certificate cover-up! President secretly related to Omarosa!

After all, sweeps week is rapidly approaching . . .

tessiee April 11, 2011 at 2:23 pm

"President secretly related to Omarosa! "

Well, they *do* have similar names.

Limeylizzie April 11, 2011 at 10:32 am

This was my favourite moment of irony from The Hill comments.

Why has obama spent millions to keep the birth certificate hid?? why does obama continue to hide college records, passport???
AMERICANS WANT TO KNOW WHO THE MAN IS THAT CALLS HIMSELF ''BARRACK HUSSIEN OBAMA'.BY simpleton on 04/11/2011 at 09:19

Fare la Volpe April 11, 2011 at 10:34 am

"Why won't Obama let us pry into every personal and financial detail of his life? WHAT IS HE HIDING???"

MissTaken April 11, 2011 at 12:48 pm

I doubt the President calls himself BARRACK HUSSIEN OBAMA. I'm sure even a Kenyan usurper like him can spell his own name correctly.

By simpleton, indeed.

widestanceroman April 11, 2011 at 10:34 am

It is testament of this great nation here, that she is already slurping on Trump there (VP, cabinet position?). She's gotta know she won't make presidency based solely on her medicated fan club.

AJW@[redacted] April 11, 2011 at 10:39 am

There are names and words that get a laugh from merely uttering them.

Trump. Amirite, people?

BaDaBump.

Blendergoathead April 11, 2011 at 10:41 am

Well, I guess I can find some cold comfort in the fact that a great number of my fellow Americans are just as stupid today as they were when I left work on Friday, and that the MSM is just as happy to let the whole world know it, ad nauseum.

franco_pinyon April 11, 2011 at 10:57 am

I predict that the next Administration ends up being "Two No-Trump."

DashboardBuddha April 11, 2011 at 11:03 am

I actually look forward to a Trump presidency. I think every country should have its own Baby Doc Duvalier.

PsycWench April 11, 2011 at 11:12 am

Donald Trump is not your ordinary businessman for which I am incredibly thankful. If he was, the US would have gone the way of Enron.

kissawookiee April 11, 2011 at 11:18 am

I initially read that as "a skirmish between decorators and the Egyptian army" and thought, well, who among us has not had differences of opinion over window treatments? Now I'm returning to my regularly-scheduled migraine.

thefrontpage April 11, 2011 at 11:20 am

Years ago, when Sarah Palin was working as a spy for the Kenya Muslim Islamic Revolutionary Terrorist Group (KMIRTG), Todd Palin, while accompanying her on an undercover mission, had a torrid affair–affairs are always torrid–with Kenyan female member of KMIRTG. Their love child is now an illegal alien working in the administration of Arizona Governor Jan Brewer, working as a national security adviser to Brewer, handling top-secret, clandestine issues and documents every day. Meanwhile, Palin and Trump used to be spies for KMIRTG for years, working together as undercover terrorists. Neither Sarah Trump nor Donald Trump were born in the U.S. Both are illegal aliens.

tessiee April 11, 2011 at 2:25 pm

"Years ago, when Sarah Palin was working as a spy for the Kenya Muslim Islamic Revolutionary Terrorist Group (KMIRTG)"

???
I thought she was working for Middleastern Islamic Liberation Front.

Doktor Zoom April 11, 2011 at 11:27 am

I have to think that the main reason that Obama hasn't made any move to release the "long form" birf certificate is that it's just plain too much fun to watch the loons spin themselves into madness. The more energy they put into trying to prove he's a Secret Kenyan, the less time they have to support any viable GOP candidate that might appear. As an added benefit, the majority of swing voters will tend to see the GOP as tainted by its wacko wing.

mavenmaven April 11, 2011 at 11:57 am

The GOP is its wacko wing.

mereoblivion April 11, 2011 at 11:58 am

Re alt-text: So Barry started out, at least, as a good egg. If only he had turned out more hard boiled.

GeneralLerong April 11, 2011 at 12:19 pm

You need to send that one to Paul Krugman.

DahBoner April 11, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Not Barry's style.

He's always been Over Easy

Steverino247 April 11, 2011 at 12:06 pm

Newsflash. Even if Trump gets a copy of the original documents or has the originals stolen and presents them on national television as proof positive that Obama was born when and where any sane person thinks he was, this will not stop. This madness is caused by the fact that Obama is African-American. The birthers will never stop, no matter if every fucking one of them gets an all expenses-paid trip to Hawai'i and sees the clerk pull it out of the drawer for them. They will claim any document shown was a forgery and stuffed in the state files. Anything will be said or done in order to keep this madness going.

tessiee April 11, 2011 at 2:26 pm

May I have an all-expenses-paid trip to Hawaii, please? I promise to invite all you guys over to my house to view the vacation pictures.

hagajim April 11, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Better hire a team to travel to seven states, four countries and Phoenix University.

tessiee April 11, 2011 at 2:06 pm

And whatever that school is that you get into by drawing a cartoon turtle on a matchbook cover.

anniegetyerfun April 11, 2011 at 12:19 pm

To be perfectly fair, I think what Sarah means is, "I do not intend to anger the hairpiece, because the more money he wastes on this fruitless enterprise, the less he will have to blow in the primary against me."

Sadly enough, Trump is one of the few people that is stupid AND petty enough to look stupid and petty compared to Sarah Palin. I literally cannot think of anyone else who could get into a catfight with Sarah Palin and come out looking worse than her.

Of course, the catfight hasn't happened, but it will, and it will be somewhat glorious.

ttommyunger April 11, 2011 at 12:33 pm

A hot and bothered Sarah Palin brings to mind how much this vapid twat deserves a good beach-fucking. For those uninitiated, it involves Elmer's glue and a good sprinkling of sand on the male member.

tessiee April 11, 2011 at 2:28 pm

But, wouldn't that punish Todd as much as…?
Oh.
Never mind, then.

JustPixelz April 11, 2011 at 12:33 pm

If he believes what he's saying, Trump should agree to the following:
- Obama should be deported
- military forces should not obey Obama's orders
- Chief Justice John Roberts should be impeached for swearing Obama into office

BZ1 April 11, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Lou says "it's kind of perplexing", which is referring to everything she encounters…

baconzgood April 11, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Miss Taken and Tessiee…..You chicks are HOT!

MissTaken April 11, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Yippee!

tessiee April 11, 2011 at 8:40 pm

*smoochy smooch smooch*

Gleem_McShineys April 11, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Perhaps The Donald's is a Trumpit

Thedongsofwar April 11, 2011 at 6:09 pm

"Obama's parents put an announcement in the paper so they could qualify for welfare"

Oh Trump, you are delightful. Trump and Palin should run together and embody the Republican party at its absolute worst.

NadePaulKuciGravMcKi April 11, 2011 at 7:45 pm

both
parties
corrupt
best buds
giuliani
trump
kerik

glamourdammerung April 11, 2011 at 10:37 am

Voted down in under a minute.

I see I got under someone's skin.

I would say I must really be driving them crazy, but that would imply stability on their part in the first place.

Keep crying, teatard.

tessiee April 11, 2011 at 2:13 pm

"So more than one of them agrees that literally murdering people for having different opinions and doing no crime is acceptable."

There's a car parked in front of a house not far from me which sports a cross-festooned bumper sticker saying, "TRUTH!! Not "tolerance"" (can't you just hear the sneer in "tolerance"?). I figure that if I were to break his (or her) windshield and slash his tires because I find his ideology repugnant, that would be OK, since the actual car says that tolerance is not only unnecessary, but bad.

SorosBot April 11, 2011 at 10:42 am

Keep on consistently refreshing to downfist, increasing the page views and making Ken et al. more money.

DashboardBuddha April 11, 2011 at 11:01 am

Just about. He said he wanted to leave his son the company and maybe he would someday have a son, carrying on the tradition.

…of cutting grass. In Maine.

GOPCrusher April 11, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Mr. Plow?

tessiee April 11, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Well, they're too greasy to fry and not nutritious enough to bake, so thanks.

tessiee April 11, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Incredible dilemma:
Who has a better theme song, Sanford and Son or Mr. Plow?

glamourdammerung April 11, 2011 at 3:40 pm

I always found the fact their continued, uninjured existence directly refutes their crying about "union thugs" and the like targeting "people" like themselves.

tessiee April 11, 2011 at 8:38 pm

By "targeting", they mean persecuting by not being exactly like them.

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