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WOMENS IS EVIL!!!So why is the “World’s Greatest Nation of Health Care” about to shut down, again? Right, because crybaby jerkwad John Boehner hates evil womenfolk so much and all his misogynist closet-case Republican donors hate women so much and did you know what is gross? A woman, with her “lady parts” and all wanting to “not have crotch cancer” or whatever. Ladies are disgusting, because if you need to put a penis somewhere, what on earth is wrong with a young boy’s mouth? And these gross things, the womens, think they will get some kind of “contraception” or “cancer screening” even though they are poor? Jezebels! Burn in hell with cancer, Jezebels! Whores of Babylon!

As many of the “policy bloggers” are typing today, Planned Parenthood is basically the entire reason the gaylord Republicans are going to shut down the United States Government (except for the war killin’ part). Even though just 3% of Planned Parenthood’s budget is spent on abortion — and none of Planned Parenthood’s federal funding, obviously — the point is that some gal somewhere might get some idears about how she could think she’s so high falutin’ she’ll go see the old coat-hanger doc without the menfolk’s permission. And people wonder why we have domestic violence!

Anyway, we hope America is shut down not just for a while, but for good. Forever. We would like to nail John Boehner to the United States entrance sign, wherever it is. (Over a young boy’s crying mouth?) And then we would paint on John Boehner’s beautiful dapper suit, “CLOSED FOREVER.” This would be both a sign and a symbol.

You know who might make good use of this country? THE RED COMMUNIST CHINESE. At least they know how to run a business.

Here’s a “Friday Fun Video” sent by Wonkette operative “Nichole” and apparently featuring her sister “Renee.” It makes a good point, but it does sort of gloss over the part about how all right-wing men are closet cases who are actually super happy about not having to close their eyes and fantasize about Billy Ray Cyrus again, for the whole 25 seconds they have to spend in their wives’ vagina.

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  • Troubledog

    In China, they only abort the girl babies, thereby creating fewer hoohaws to examine. Why hasn't anyone thought of this? Hoohaws are nothing but seething cauldrons of sinful lust.

  • OC_7.1 Quake_Serf

    Well, many Republicans never seem to plan parenthood for themselves, so…

    (looking at you Snowbilly)

    • AutomaticPilot

      Only elitists plan their pregnancies.

    • not that Dewey

      Unplanned Parenthood = "our way of life"

    • themcwow

      and grandparenthood

  • Mumbletypeg

    A word of the wise to Boehner if he picked the wrong week to quit smoking:

    "Fear not the cough to carry you off;
    Fear the coffin we'll carry you off in."

    Signed,
    Women of the United States

    • BTWBFDIMHO

      +10
      I hope he dies during the shutdown, so he will never have a dead certificate.

      • Mumbletypeg

        Back at you. Something you posted earlier today made me laugh, and then start conjuring what long acronym your username must stand for. If you'd rather not divulge, well at least I'm having fun guessing…

        • Goonemeritus

          I might be wrong but I think it’s a tip of the hat to the best pickup line ever from Anchorman.

          • Mumbletypeg

            I'll have to check that out, having not seen it yet. Also not having become familiar w/ B…O's position on the slidey-scale of Prez-love/haterz, I hope it doesn't offend that I was thinking of going with "Barack 'Tarnished Winner Bravely Forgets Democratic Intelligence Might Hurt' Obama"

          • emmelemm

            My guess: BTW by the way BFD big fucking deal IMHO in my humble opinion…

            But I'd like to hear this pick-up line from Anchorman.

          • Goonemeritus

            " I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal."

          • ShaveTheWhales

            "So why don't we go into this bedroom and commit some _____sexual acts. I think you'll find you like it".

      • BTWBFDIMHO

        I mean, death certificate….

      • tessiee

        Will that disqualify him from… anything?

    • tessiee
  • mavenmaven

    Its not the details of the thing, but the principle behind it. And the principle is, say any dumbass thing possible to get elected and thus kickbacks from wealthy donors. All together now: MUSLIM KENYAN ACORNS ARE ABORTING OUR BABIES!

  • Oldskool_

    Gee whiz, all anyone has to do is ask Smoker Face a sentimental question and he'll start babbling like a baby. Why is it not used on him every day on every issue?

    • trondant

      "Got a light?"

  • I say just give all the money to Bristol.

    • nounverb911

      Her chain of Bristol Meth labs could use financing.

  • MittsHairHelmet

    Amen.

  • CapnFatback

    The pie chart clearly explains the whole issue. The "abortion services" wedge takes up far too much space on Boehner's favorite cryin' cheek.

  • nounverb911

    Oh No! What will Lindsey Graham do for attention now?

    • PocketsTheClown

      I, for one, am waiting for Jowl Lieberman to declare war on it.. whatever it is.

  • harry_palmer

    Republican morality = telling other people who, when and how they can fuck, while personally fucking everybody every which way they can.

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      WIN! of the fucking century! (have I mentioned yet today how much I fucking hate these sexually repressed fat old white men, especially when they invoke MY name for their bullshit *morality*)

    • finallyhappy

      I am stealing this for my next rally- I may have to change the fuck word though- for the childrfen.

  • ThankYouJeebus

    I think it's just because lady parts gross out The Boner.

    • Mumbletypeg

      If he never met a vagina he did like, he's not meeting with vaginas often enough.

  • CapnFatback

    Does the 1% "Other Services" of Planned Parenthood (as per the chart) include cleaning up Bush messes?

    • orygoon

      At least one percent of their budget, sadly, is for security around not only their clinics, but their employees' homes as well, because being "pro-life" sometimes has a very strange meaning.

    • Probably Santorum messes. You know, all the froth and stuff.

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      d'ya you mean other services like the 'fetus-in-a-jar' special that Bar Bush was so proud of extracting from her hoohaw? then the answer is yes!

  • Amo_of_Bogio

    Fucking fuckers and the fucks who elected them. I like the cancer & STD free hoohaws.

    • ejcsanfran

      Why do you hate America?

    • CalamityJames

      I kinda dig the baby free hoohaws.

  • WilliamHTaft

    No money for the womenfolk who need healthcare and birth control, lots of money for war. This is the new Sharia Law bill, right?

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      Allahu Akbar!

  • nounverb911

    Has anyone explained to Boehner where little Boehners come from yet?

    • da butt?

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      his pants?

  • DemmeFatale

    There's something quite "Wizard of Oz-ish" about that picture, but I just can't put my finger on it.

    • DonnyKerabotsos

      Pay no attention to the man behind the pie-chart!

    • XOhioan

      I always thought Boehner looked like the moon in the early silent film "Le Voyage Dans La Lune," except for the coloring: http://www.filmreference.com/Films-Vi-Wi/Le-Voyag

    • ejcsanfran

      "Finger" is probably not the best word choice in this context. Oh, wait – I mean it is the perfect choice.

    • genxr

      Nobody sees the Boehner! Not no way, not no how!

    • Steverino247

      Let's see. Cowardly Lion? No. Coward and lying. Yeah, that's it!

    • Come here a minute

      Horseface of a different color?

  • nounverb911

    Margaret Sanger is not amused!
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Margaret_Sanger

    • Ooh, just a fun little sidenote about our feminist forebears. Hate the sin, not the sinner, my brother or sister.

    • not that Dewey

      Yeah, but they'll try to get us on the whole "Margaret Sanger was a Eugenicist. You liberals always want to kill everybody."

      I'm always leery about mentioning her name, for that very reason.

  • ArmoredBore

    Someone do the math here… uh, 3% of 11.4mil in 2009 works out to… $342,000 USD? Really? By the Maker, there are SPORTS CARS more expensive than that! You can't even fire a Tomahawk missile with that money!

  • jaytingle

    The thing that enrages me most is that some lowlife lobbyist– a WOMAN!– is fucking Boehner with the full knowledge that he is playing petty chickenshit games with women's health. This bugs me nearly as much as the fact that Ken Mehlman bought a multi-million-dollar condo in Chelsea and some self-hating queer is sucking that scumbag's dick. We can only hope that these worthless shitheads have no access to contraception or VD treatment when they most need it.

    • AutomaticPilot

      Well, I kinda hope they DO have access to contraception.

    • Warpde

      "We can only hope that these worthless shitheads have no access to contraception or VD treatment when they most need it. "

      They are working on it.

  • CapnFatback

    Is Victoria Jackson's funny twin sister in that video?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      That is the first time "funny" and "Victoria Jackson" have been used in the same sentence since 1991.

  • smokefilledroommate

    tee hee hee, period !

  • pukebot

    he wants his face to be the only leather mitt in town.

    • XOhioan

      Leather mitt vs. ham wallet, boys.

    • poncho_pilot

      Remember to ask for the triple B-J–Boehner. Brand. Beef. Jerky. It's like chewing on my face!

  • hollywooddood

    Everybody knows that women getting pap smears bankrupted the economy. It's the vaginas, stupid.

  • KathrynSane

    Mr. Ken Layne, sir, you are an artist and your medium is ripping the shit out of the GOP on the internet.

    • KathrynSane

      Seriously, though, fuck these misogynist douchebags. GTFO my government.

      • Dashboard_Jesus

        …and GTFO my vagina, or at least your vagina? (btw, that's some mighty fine p-ness ya got there Ms Kathryn!)

  • Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum

    I love Hoo Haw!

    That Junior Samples – what a hoot.

    • trondant

      SA-lute!

  • XOhioan

    I wouldn't touch John Boehner with someone else's vagina.

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      neither would he

  • Hatrabbit

    A healthy vagina is a happy vagina. And we don't want the country suddenly over run with happy vaginas do we?

    • gef05

      No, but it sure is being over-run by cunts at the moment.

    • Boojum_Reborn

      I took a v'gina to the movie
      Didn't have to pay to get it in

      V'gina, v'gina, laughing happy v'gina
      V'gina, v'gina, eat 'em up, yum..

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      personally I LUVS me some happy vagina!

  • SpeedoFart

    Well, I know I'll never need PP again. Just looking at Boner's face made my vagina shrivel up and die.

    • hollywooddood

      You said it, sister. Mine shut down in self defense.

      • Honestly. Mine is crying.

        • hollywooddood

          I hate it when my 'gina has mood swings.

          • SpeedoFart

            My tits ran away, too. I now look like that Marilyn Manson album cover. Thanks a lot, Boner.

      • tessiee

        Clank!

  • chascates

    You mean Planned Parenthood isn't just about aborting babies to sell to the pet food industry? Maybe we should rethink shutting down the entire government just to appeal to wingtards.

  • pinkocommi

    The GOP is all about efficiency: What's the point of diagnosing cervical cancer, if you can't afford to pay the doctor out of pocket for treatment and don't have health insurance anyway?

    • finallyhappy

      YES, you deserve 100 thumbs up for this.

  • Mumbletypeg

    Cute vid. Not so much Vagina Monologues.. . more like a Vagina Cantata.

  • Callyson

    all right-wing men are closet cases who are actually super happy about not having to close their eyes and fantasize about Billy Ray Cyrus again
    IDK, Cyrus might be a little old for this crowd: I see them as more the Justin Bieber type. Either him, or that kid who sang that song about freedom and such on top of Mount Rushmore.

    • finallyhappy

      Justin Beiber and sex- I am really old(and a woman) and the image makes me ill.

      • tessiee

        I'm not crazy about the "Billy Ray Cyrus and sex" image, either.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    I'd like to see Cecile Richards (pres. of Planned Parenthood & daughter of bad ass TX Gov. Ann Richards) stick a carton of cigarettes up John Boehner's ass and twist sideways. Give that dickwad something to really cry about–because by the time he dies of lung cancer, he will be a nobody/has been whom no one will even remember.

    • Rotundo_

      I'm hoping that he will be struck with it in 3,2,… So that we can remember the good times with him, handing out checks from big tobacco on the floor and all that, as his insides metasticize into goo. Couldn't happen to a better candidate for the disease.

    • PsycWench

      Light them first.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Thank you for the information. I did not know she was Ann's daughter. Now it is less surprising that she is such a stud.

  • Goonemeritus

    You are looking at this through the distorting filter of reality and decencies. A significant part on Boehner’s base is against way more than abortion in that pie chart. For example contraception, STD screening and even some cancer screening pisses off the God bothers. And don’t get them started on other services.

    • tessiee

      Shorter: If you have a muffin, then die! Die, damn you!!

  • franco_pinyon

    "Pap smear? I thought everybody was talking about Planned Parenthood giving women Pabst Beer." – John Boehner

    • sati_demise

      hey oh!

  • EdFlintstone

    Do they offer grooming services for Christine O'donnell's super fur burger?

    • PocketsTheClown

      Ok I didnt need that kind of imagery in my brain, so now I will go drink liquor.

      • EdFlintstone

        Don't make me bust out the blue waffle again.

    • I think they support all forms of birth control, and as I recall, the guy who pornblogged about her crotchbound yak ranch found his dingus had inverted itself at the sight of it, or something.

      So they'd probably opt to leave her bramble-bushed.

      • genxr

        "crotchbound yak ranch" FTW

      • If you aren't 1000p by the end of the weekend for that awesomeness, then this world just isn't worth living in!

    • Gainsbourg69

      Some of us like a bit o' fur in our burgers. Gee.

      • Limeylizzie

        You, sir or madam, are my knd of guy for that and also for the Serge reference on your avatar.

      • tessiee

        This may have been thought of already, but I've never seen it. Some enterpreneur should have a muff spa, for those of us who don't want to go full Brazilian, but who do want to be all groomed 'n' cute. They could have trims into heart shapes, landing strips, etc., and maybe fun colors like pink and blue. I would *so* go, especially during bathing suit season. Oh, yeah, and they should have a special on heart shapes for Valentine's Day.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      That's the "other" 1%.

  • facehead

    "We shall fight in the muffins, we shall fight on the treasure trails, we shall fight in the plowed fields and in the nappy dugouts, we shall fight on the tracks of land; we shall never surrender, and if, which I do not for a moment believe, this hoohaw or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our Empire beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the Great Beef Curtain, would carry on the struggle, until, in God's good time, the new world, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of the fuck hole."

    • Rotundo_

      (Dabs tear away from corner of eye) Well said, Well said indeed! (Sniffs, dabs tear from opposite eye, claps loudly, but slowly in reverence, applause builds into deafening roar) (Gentle fade to black)

    • genxr

      Raise your sword, brave Beardclam, for they may take our lives, but they will never take our hoo-haas!

    • Warpde

      Ha, Ha, Ha…..
      You said Fuck hole.
      I hear da Boner is looking for one.
      Your not a male by any chance???

    • Doktor Zoom

      Never have so many fapped so much to so little.

      or

      This was their finest "O."

  • sportshort

    Contraception is 35%. You gotta have a baby if yer gonna fuk. That's the rule and yer gone against God if you don't do that. Every time you fuk you gotta have a baby. Tha's in the Bible. Or it was on TV. Cause babies have to be born or we have to raise taxes and poor people get all our hard earned monies. Babies are gifts from God we can leave in the dumpster next to the railroad tracks if it's too much trouble. If you wear a rubber yer going to hell. I read that in a magazine. Plus, it don't feel as good. I think.

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      well played sir *golf clap*

    • finallyhappy

      Yup, I had a friend whose sister had two kids she couldn't support with – well, never sure who the dads were anyway – because CONTRACEPTION Is wrong. If you have sex, you have to have a baby. This is what she learned in church(although as it was a Catholic church- I guess the priests weren't worried because none of the altar boys got pregnant)

  • MistaEko

    Of all the ways our world might be brought to its knees, never in my wildest dreams did I think it would be because of cooties.

    • gef05

      +1 would fist again

  • Well this is embarrassing…we'll go down in history as the country fell due to hoohaws

  • EdFlintstone

    I'm not a gynecologist, but I'll take a look.

    • spudgun

      I'm not a gynecologist but I did stay at a Holiday Inn last night…

    • Well of course your not a gynecologist, you'd be in congress if you were. Seriously though what is it with all the doctors in congress? Don't they have like you know patients to attend to?

    • tessiee

      I wanted to major in Nursing, but my milk dried up.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    The Republicans have a point. Given that women are constantly bleeding down there, what the hell can medical science do for their lady parts?

    Plus, as Newt Gingrich once observed, they are getting infections every month. Hell, a real doctor worth his salt would go nowhere near that brewing cauldron of septic ladyhood. Just think of the children!

  • It's "coochie," not "hoohaw." That is all.

    • DonnyKerabotsos

      In the spirit of cooperation and compromise so lacking in our reps, may I suggest "hoochie?"

      • poncho_pilot

        why not coochaw?

      • tessiee

        In scientific terminology, the external part is a "muffin" and the internal part is a "wooch".

    • Cicada

      I prefer "moist fistula" myself. Or "mucus filmed love hole", if you want to get sexy about it.

    • Rotundo_

      The gates to heaven always seemed more descriptive and accurate to me.

      • HempDogbane

        "The gates of heaven, they budged an inch, nothing much has happened since."

    • Steverino247

      The Magic Kingdom–because it's the Happiest Place on Earth.

    • Mumbletypeg

      Mango begs to differ.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Well, "cha-cha".

      • Crank_Tango

        I prefer good old fashioned domestic shorthair pussy, thank you very much.

        And if aunt flo is sleeping on the couch, I will just go around the back door.

        • CalamityJames

          You must be Glenn Beck cause you slingin' some gold round here.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Puh-leeze. It's "Ladygarden."

      • You win the future with "Ladygarden."

    • not that Dewey

      I'm telling the FL legislature on you. You said "coochie".

      • Coochie! Coochie! Coochie! Fuck the FL lege! The Uterati have spoken!

    • CalamityJames

      "Analog Flesh-light"

    • tessiee

      OK, true story:
      A few years back, I had a summer job on the playground. One of the kids pointed to her crotch and said, "We don't use baby words for things. We call things by their proper names! Do you know what the proper name for this is?"
      Me: I would like you to tell me.
      Kid [condescendingly]: It's CHINA!

      • Doktor Zoom

        Well, that's what Barbie has printed on hers…

  • OneYieldRegular

    I suppose this means we can look forward to a new Title X family planning agency called Unplanned Parenthood, directed by Bristol Palin?

    • ShaveTheWhales

      This comment deserves more visibility.

  • Come here a minute

    Next up: Shutting down PETA.

  • neiltheblaze

    People are going to look back on this time and think "What were they drinking?"

    • nounverb911

      Unfortunately not cyanide flavored cool-aid.

  • Gopherit

    I am earnestly awaiting the Cervix Lock Act of 2011. Remember ladies, no one knows better than the republicans and Jesus what you can do with your body. Surrender now.

  • kissawookiee

    *sigh* I got nuthin' left. It's Friday afternoon and the guys runnin' the joint have officially gone BAT. SHIT. INSANE. so there is nothing left to do but drink, drink, drink, and drink some more. Fuck 'em all.

    • AJW@[redacted]

      A favorite group of mine, The Evangenitals, has a song about that…

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      cheers!

    • SonofSpermcube

      How is that fucking anyone but you?

  • BZ1

    Why not just change the name "Planned Parenthood" to "Family Values Institute"; that should do it…

    • emmelemm

      Double speak swings both ways, eh?

  • AJW@[redacted]

    I always wondered why Lysistrata never made the bigtime…

  • fartknocker

    John,

    If your so against Planned Parenthood, how about we put your wife and daughters at the front of the line of people who will never receive PAP smears or any other preventative care. Oh that's right, I and all of the other taxpaying Americans pay for your health care since your a legislator. You keep forgetting that little factoid.

    Fucktard hypocritical asshole.

  • gef05

    Cost of planned parenthood over last decade :
    $10 billion US (approximately)

    Cost of Iraq "war" over last decade:
    $3 trillion US (approximately)

    And the Republicans want us to believe they care about human life the economy.

  • SkinnyNerd

    Just incorporate your uterus, and Republicans will let it do whatever the hell it wants. Be sure to have it hire some lobbyists:

    http://incorporatemyuterus.com/

    • smokefilledroommate

      Mine's name is 'Yootie'. I thought that was better than 'Eunice' or 'Bleedy'.

  • Warpde

    I know the Boner, and most/all Repubs ( exceptin the ladies) likes boy's boners but why is he trying to fuck the men who appreciate a vagina?
    I like vagina. I came out of one you know.
    Keeps my teeth clean…Unless they shave.

  • Blendergoathead

    In protest of this horrible travesty, all true, liberty-loving Americans who are in possession of referenced "hoo-hahs" (sp?) should go out to their nearest drinking establishment, get rip-roaring drunk, find a suitable partner, and give their "hoo-hah" a workout that it won't forget for years to come.

    For freedom!

    • tessiee

      Um, yeah…
      In *protest*, that's the ticket…

  • Cicada

    C'mon Republicans, think of your beards!

    • Win win fucking WIN!11!!!one!uno

    • Hi I'm Senator Larry Craig and I'd just like to set the record straight I am not a gay man and neither is my wife.

    • If not the beards, at least the merkins!

  • samsuncle

    So the "get the government off my back and out of my life" crowd want to tell women how to manage their hoohaws. Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!

    • Remind every woman in your life that voted for the Republicans last fall:

      THIS IS WHAT YOU VOTED FOR!

  • DashboardBuddha

    There's another website that I frequent (Trees and Things) that has a user (ok, douchebag) there that says that Planned Parenthood serves no useful purpose to the security and stability to the nation. There are many there who follow this same line of logic. C'mon over and spread so love. it may not be as satisfying as carpet bombing Breibart trolls, but it's super easy to get an account.

  • hollywooddood

    Well, I blame sperm.

  • I really hope that the next time Boehner orders a glass of merlot at the Capitol Grille or Bistro Bis, the exhausted, hard-working crampy waitress who can't get her pap smear fills his glass with menstrual discharge.

    • emmelemm

      That is totally, off-the-wall disgusting and gross.

      And yet, not at all uncalled for. I second the motion.

      • LetUsBray

        "That is totally, off-the-wall disgusting and gross."

        Which is precisely what makes it AWESOME.

    • GeneralLerong

      Is it better than poop-filled vodka?

    • ShaveTheWhales

      I salute you for that awe-inspiring concept. If we could promote it to actual meme status, we could probably put the Bone right off of red wine forever.

    • tessiee

      I wouldn't be opposed to that, but who she *really* should do it to is Clarence Thomas.

  • Redhead

    Well, how dare those uppity wiminz seek out cancer screenings and infection treatment or *gasp* birth control so less funding (federal or otherwise) gets spent on birth control? How dare they think they have the right to see a doctor or actually make decisions? Don't they know their place? If a man chooses to have sex with a wimminz (instead of a little boy), the wimminz don't get a say- and any resulting disease/ pregnancy is just a lemon to make lemonade with! Besides, to go to the doctor, they have to leave the kitchen!

    Uggg Boehner makes me sick. I mean, for all the obvious reasons, but also the fact that this turd-faced kiddie-diddler thinks it's acceptable to control not just women but anyone who might attempt to actually treat them like human beings capable of making decisions about their lives themselves. I know republicans have no concept of consent when it comes to sex, whether it's with women or men or children – or maybe they just don't value women and children enough to actually think they need consent. Where does such arrogance come from? Where does this mindset that they are somehow SO much better than all others, smarter, wiser, better at making decisions – and that they should therefore get to control everyone else? Is it an extension of trying to control the economy and their workers for their profits over the years? is it the result of the tea party and their endless stupidity and willingness to do whatever they're told?

    Boehner, you get a say in what I do with my lady parts when I give you permission to put any part of your body anywhere near my lady parts. In other words, never. Go fry in a tanning bed, you old wrinkle-balled incest-baby piece of shit.

    • hmm, time to start investing in bulk condoms and passing them out in front of the federal building downtown, I guess.

    • tessiee

      "Where does such arrogance come from? Where does this mindset that they are somehow SO much better than all others, smarter, wiser, better at making decisions – and that they should therefore get to control everyone else? "

      My best guess is that it's that sense of entitlement that comes from being born into a family with shit-tons of money.

  • Blendergoathead

    Excuse me for this, but…

    WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO HEAR ALL THESE FUCKING SEGMENTS HUMANIZING AND IDOLIZING TEABAGGER HACKS AND GOP HYPOCRITES ON FUCKING NPR EVERY FUCKING DAY? HEY NPR – THEY'RE GOING TO DE-FUND YOU ANYWAY, STOP EATING THE SHIT OUT OF THEIR ASSES.

    Okay, feel better now. Carry on.

    • fuflans

      thank you very much. (was it paul ryan loving 'zeppelin' that did it?).

      i have been ranting that over and over in the last couple weeks and i don't think i can do it again.

      for the pride of the 'p'.

  • fuflans

    to be fair, helen of troy had a hoohaw and look how well that turned out.

  • owhatever

    The Founding Fathers did not put Planned Parenthood in the Constitution, much to the dismay of Thomas Jefferson and other seekers of slave hoo-haw.

  • philpjfry

    Get government off our backs and into the womens cooters where it belongs

  • El Pinche

    GOP wants to replace PP with "BristolCare – The Baby Miracle Foundation"….clinic visits include free meth, Pabst, cockrings, Bon Jovi CDs, dirty mattresses and baby nyquil .

    • tessiee

      Ahem… Bon Jovi, you say?

  • Gainsbourg69

    Is it the fact that something is planned that makes these fuckers hate this organization so much?

  • Steverino247

    To paraphrase a scene from The Right Stuff…

    The issue here isn't pussy. The issue here is monkey.

    See what Gus is sayin' here is that the TeaBaggers think the President is a monkey and they'll do anything to try to get him out of the White House.

    The issue here is funding. If the Republicans can cut off the funding to the President's base, they know he's got no funding to run for President.

    No bucks, no black Presidents.

    • poncho_pilot

      yep.

  • poncho_pilot

    fuck it all. let's paint all the buildings in America red, rename it "Hell", and make the dwarf Sheriff. who's with me?

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    cunts

  • Come here a minute

    ICKY — why must we squirmish over ladyparts? The only solution is tax cuts.

  • Fuckin' please, motherfuckers. If it was planned dispensing little blue pills for fat wheezy diabetic conservative men who can't get it up hood, they'd be threatening to shut down the government in order to increase its funding.

  • not that Dewey

    Hey, I just got here. What did I miss?

    (no, seriously, this is the first chance I've had today to look at the Wonkett AND APPARENTLY I'VE MISSED QUITE A LOT)

    In the radio-quiet zone that is my occasional workplace, there is no wifi, no cell phone service. I am forced to "wait until I get home from work to waste time on the internet", as they say.

    :(

    • Goonemeritus

      Quick rap up is we're doomed, general consensus is we all need to start drinking.

      Hope that helped

      • not that Dewey

        I'm waaaaaaay ahead of you.

        • Drinking on the job again, Dewey?

          • not that Dewey

            a) I live in Mountain Time Zone, and

            b) yes.

    • HistoriCat

      I feel your pain – the changes at my office make getting to Wonkette a dubious proposition at best. How am I supposed to find time to go through all of the insightful commentary in the few pitiful hours between coming home and going to sleep before my wretched existence starts over again tomorrow.

      • not that Dewey

        There's like 200 comments/article these days. When the fuck am I gonna read all that crap?

        [now]

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Just another day in the-Republicans-are-laughable-idiots-who-nevertheless-are-in-position-to-further-degrade-life for-almost-all-citizens America.

      Apparently, we all missed a turn thirty or forty years back up the quantum-mechanical alternatives tree. I hope my eigenselves are enjoying life.

      • not that Dewey

        You can't simultaneously know your trajectory and your eigenselves' trajectory.

        • Doktor Zoom

          So, Schroedinger's Cat may or may not go into a bar…

          • Doktor Zoom

            So this state trooper pulls over Werner Heisenberg and says, "Sir, do you know how fast you were going just now?" And Heisenberg says, "I have no idea. But I know exactly where I am."

            (Traffic stop fascism!)

          • ShaveTheWhales

            WernerHeisenberg.com?

          • Doktor Zoom

            Eeew–that redirects to "scientificbible.com," which has a sort of Timecube vibe…Do Not Want!

          • not that Dewey

            wow. I thought you were joking. And, there's not a single link on that page — block quote upon block quote. It's as though the author doesn't know what the "h" in "http" stands for.

            Recently, one of those "pocket constitutions" found its way into our house. There is this whole preface section, which has nothing to do with the Constitution. The first section: "Observing the Hand of Providence", in which the author tries to make the case that the US Constitution is the third in a series that began with the Old Testament and the New Testament. Do not want, indeed.

          • not that Dewey

            Wow. You've got a really well-defined position. Where'd you find the time?

          • not that Dewey

            WTF? Why did Ken delete my post? It was just a lame, harmless call-and-response joke. Sometimes I don't get this place.

  • DownFist Troll

    Dear Boner,

    I hope you knock up that lobbyist chick you're banging on the side. And i hope she CHOOSES to keep it (see that all caps word? that's the thing we libtards want, a bloody choice). I hope shes sues your ass for alimony, and i hope you get sued again for divorce. I hope it forces you to resign.

    Boner i want karma to bite down on your balls like it was the star of a Triple X German porn.

    Signed, teh downfist troll.

  • smokefilledroommate

    I think KochBot's new name is 'TastyLeadPaintChips™' (which I'm sure is a snack of choice), if anyone cares.

    • Crank_Tango

      herf derf hilarious. oh man that kockbutt, really had a future here except for the being a raving wingnut part.

  • JoshuaNorton

    Repigs are just lucky that pathological lying isn't a felony. Unfortunately for our side, the most effective way of dealing with it is.

  • widget2011

    If thre's a deal, does that mean the John Boehner and Harry Reid get married?

  • HolyCow!!

    Religious zealots hate women not closet cases moron.

  • Crank_Tango

    Also, I would like to bang the nice asian lady with the polkadot scarf, if you are her.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      I'm not her, but I second that emotion.

  • supernoun

    The world makes me want to die

    • tessiee

      It makes me want to put my foot so far up Reptilian ass that they taste shoe leather, except that they'd probably enjoy it.

  • rocktonsam

    the first time I heard hoohaw was when Henry Blake was giving shots to Radar's pets for rabies.

    I haz a confused

  • fuflans

    god.

    i leave this post to click on the bbc and see patrick stewart et alia protesting the british gov't reducing arts funding by a £100 million from a £450 million budget

    planned parenthood cost us $11.4 million in 2009????

    <bangs head over and over and over on table>

    lizzie why did you leave???

    • Limeylizzie

      Because the University of Texas at Austin were suitably impressed by my degree from Oxford that they threw money at me . I am always threatening to return and MrLimeylizzie gets such a sad so I stay.

    • tessiee

      "i leave this post to click on the bbc and see patrick stewart et alia protesting the british gov't reducing arts funding by a £100 million from a £450 million budget "

      Nothing against Planned Parenthood, but Patrick Stewart's speaking voice is worth at least that much.

  • BZ1

    The Dems caved and there's a deal, sans the riders in the vaginal stream…

    • AJW@[redacted]

      I was really cheering for a shutdown, but then I've been cheering for that since the Dems caved on the tax cuts in January…

  • loulouroo

    The Tuskeegee experiment should now be conducted on all teabaggers. Or maybe it already has. Syphilitic holes in their brains would explain a lot.

  • SonofSpermcube

    I'd say "women should go on strike, withhold sex from Republican partners" but Republicans are all closet homosexuals anyway, so it wouldn't help anything.

    • Limeylizzie

      I have never knowlingly fucked a Republican.

  • tcaalaw

    For those keeping score at home in re the video, in order of appearance:
    Yes
    Yes
    No
    No
    Yes
    Maybe
    Yes
    Yes
    Yes (and twice on Sundays)

  • finallyhappy

    Absolutely, I remember when abortions were not legal so people who could pay had real doctors do it safely and poor women or scared girls tried to do it themselves, have friends "help" or find some "doctor" to botch their abortion and kill them.

  • finallyhappy

    I think it is because defunding Planned Parenthood creates the jobs that the Gop says they are all about. I mean , this is all about smaller less personally intrusive Government and Jobs, right, right,??. some teabagger freshman republican said so and I believe.

  • zhubajie

    Why not shut down the Pentegon and the Congressional salaries?

  • StarsUponThars

    Republicans: keep your Boehner out of my vagina.

  • ttommyunger

    I can understand being preoccupied with vaginas, but could never be a Republican because they seem just as preoccupied with dicks and assholes, too. Speaking of dicks and assholes: ………………………………………..
    (Insert Rightard Name Here)

  • tessiee

    "And then we would paint on John Boehner’s beautiful dapper suit"

    I read this as "John Boehner's beautiful diaper suit".

    • not that Dewey

      Is there another way to read that?

  • Walkinwiddaking

    Fuck you Wonkette, if Larry Craig was still in the Senate he'd have a thing or two to say about your utterly baseless comments. Oh..

    If Lindsay Graham…dang it.

  • Walkinwiddaking

    If David Drier…oh shit, I give up.

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