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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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Hola wonkerados.

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  1. Barbara_i

    Japan got struck again yesterday with an earthquake. Oddly enough, the rape, meth and batshit crazy capitol of the world, Wasilla remained unscathed. I am starting to think that there is no God.

    1. nounverb911

      Japan's God of Earthquakes is busy right now. When he gets some spare time he'll concentrate on Wasilla.

  2. OkieDokieDog

    Obviously this is a twatter mistake. Ben was assigned to chair the subcommittee on earth quacks.

  3. nounverb911

    "Uh Oh: Ben Quayle In Charge of Our Earthquake Preparedness"
    But who will protect us from Quayl?

    1. Gopherit

      Because an Arizonan, who has absolutely no experience in earthquakes, but with Dan Quayle's genes, will be helping us prepare for earthquakes? If I were in LA, I'd be pushing off the San Andreas to make it an Island. The City-State of Los Angeles.

  4. Texan_Bulldog

    How do these assignments get made? WTH does Ben know about earthquake preparedness–he'd be better off spending his time teaching old man Grassley how to tweet. At least Ben's tweet is readable.

  5. SorosBot

    His big plan will be to prevent god from punishing us by outlawing television shows from featuring successful single mothers.

  6. Gopherit

    Something tells me this will result in several churches getting grants for Jesus prayer circles to save us from the unholy ground demons. It's not like the USGS was doing much better anyway. NO WELFARE FOR SCIENTISTS!

    1. SorosBot

      Then I'll demand we go back further, and bring back the practices of sacrificing horses to appease Poseidon and prevent his wrath.

  7. SexySmurf

    As a resident of Seattle, I can now sleep soundly knowing that Dan Quayle's son from the middle of Buttfuck Arizona is on the case.

      1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

        It is kind of scary how many posters are from the Puget Sound Region. And, heck, Lascaux hasn't even checked in. There might be more of us from this area that post here than any other area than DC. Just another reason Ken should fly out everyone to Seattle for a major party.

        I just figure that we thought this blog was about the real Washington and got stuck.

        1. emmelemm

          It is a little scary…

          Also scary: how much time I've begun spending on the Wonkette because it's the only way I can drown my sorrows. Because of that, I vaguely seem to recall that the Olympic Peninsula caveman mentioned something about being on a trip for a week or something and not being able to Wonk.

          Other posters who leap to mind as having outed themselves as Seattlites: OneDollarJuana, and the person who has an avatar with the Seattle skyline with the British flag behind it…

    1. GOPCrusher

      Not if you're looking for a good reason to completely defund seismic monitoring. Jeebus will protect the Righteous.

  8. Rosie_Scenario

    Quayle should be on a committee dealing with child welfare. That campaign ad featuring him and someone else's children was great.

  9. Callyson

    Welcome to California, where if the radiation from Japan doesn't get you, the earthquake "preparation" from Quayle will…

    1. vulpes82

      What's sad is you could make this exact comment on every Wonkette thread, and it would be totally appropriate.

  10. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    The nice thing is that when the viaduct finally collapses, I'll have a good excuse to take a day off from work.

  11. magnetite

    Dandad must have bought beachfront property in Arizona and got tired of waiting for the value to go up.

  12. widestanceroman

    If I lived near fault lines, I'd be replacing my roof with cotton batting right now.

    Damn thing is, being a Republican, when the big one hits, it won't be his fault (I should be smacked for that, but an upfist will do for now).

  13. OneYieldRegular

    I have to give Junior kudos that he's not demanding live testimony from fetuses on this issue (yet), but god these Republicans are slow. I mean, wasn't earthquake preparedness "critical" *before* the devastation in Japan? And isn't his entire party in the process of dismantling whatever funding might make actual "earthquake preparedness" feasible?

    1. zhubajie

      Wait till we find out what he means by "preparedness"; tithing to some evangelist perhaps?

  14. fartknocker

    For some reason when I see Dan's face I always think "dude, your nose is kinda goofy – it looks like the South Pacific Induction Zone along the Pan-Asian fault line."

    Danny will be just fine. If he has questions he can always call John Boy McCain who spent a number of years in Vietnam and probably experienced an earthquake.

    Snark off, this shit pisses me off. In the US we have a program called NEHRP (National Earthquake Hazard Reduction Program), which is consortium of some of the world's smartest geophysicists, geologists, structural engineers, and materials experts who continue to study and improve construction practices in seismically active areas. How is it that a shit bag from AZ whose claim to fame was to create a website showing 20-something women drinking in bars in Scottsdale while flashing their breasts http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2010/08/11/days-d… in charge of a committee like this? Oh yeah, I remember why – he's a fucking Teabagger and will want to defund NEHRP and the FEMA Urban Search and Rescue Teams because they are expensive and earthquakes don't happen.

  15. Poindexter718

    OK, Bobby Jindal, I take it back: you're free–nay, encouraged–to derisively mock government efforts at disaster preparedness.

  16. arihaya

    this is, basically, GOP's way of telling California and the rest of Left Coast (which is tectonic hotspots) to fuck off and die

    1. Limeylizzie

      I am peeing myself at that comment and I really don't know why, I am actually crying with laughter.

  17. Biel_ze_Bubba

    You can't do anything about earthquakes. Which is why Quayle is perfect for the job.

  18. ttommyunger

    This mouth-breather is living proof that genes and chromosomes can be cruel to the extreme. Too bad daddy found the right hole for once. Daddy's stupid and mommy's ugly squared and put in one disgusting skin sack.

  19. Lost_Teabaggers

    Unfortunately liberals Wasilla seems to be out of harms way of Alaskan natural death…it's too far away from the active volcanoes (though a truly massive eruption could cover it in ash) and it's not closely located enough to the coast to get hammered by anything but a truly massive earthquake off the Aluetians. That being said…it is Wasilla, and there could be dormant faults nearby that could rupture…we're still finding those all over the place. But liberals…there IS a place that could level a good portion of the South: the New Madrid fault zone in Missouri. There's also a fault at the bottom of the Mississippi which could nail Louisianna…and there's enough nuke plants in those areas that if either fault let off a big one ala Japan we'd be looking at Fukushima x X. So, while the methbillies probably would escape harm…the megachurches could easily get leveled…that's at least something, right?

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