BIG SKY SMALL MINDS  11:29 am April 8, 2011

Montana Still Wants To Prosecute People For Being Gay

by Jack Stuef

This man professes to need some anal education.“Fourteen years ago the Montana Supreme Court ruled that a state law criminalizing gay sex violates Montana’s constitution, yet the Montana Legislature has repeatedly failed to scrub the language, which places homosexuality in the same legal category as bestiality, from the books.” Too busy trying to legalize drunk driving? No, Montana’s legislators just hate gay people. According to Republican state Rep. Ken Peterson, the ruling against the gay-sex law has, thank God, left open a loophole for the prosecution of gays. What sort of thing could be illegal? “Here, young man, your hormones are raging. Let’s go in this bedroom, and we’ll engage in some homosexual acts. You’ll find you like it,” Peterson said (really). Some young man out there in Montana should go show up in Peterson’s bedroom so he can be arrested.

“Homosexuals can’t go out into the heterosexual community and try to recruit people, or try to enlist them in homosexual acts,” Peterson says. He provides an example: “‘Here, young man, your hormones are raging. Let’s go in this bedroom, and we’ll engage in some homosexual acts. You’ll find you like it.’” Peterson hasn’t actually seen this happen, he says, because “I don’t associate with that group of people at all… I’ve associated with mainstream people all my life.”

You can never doth protest too much, right? (Also, lol, Peterson thinks people who live in middle-of-nowhere Montana are “mainstream.”)

Maybe this is just his way of celebrating the government shutdown; repeating the classic gay-fearin’ rhetoric of 1995. [Missoula Independent]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 193 comments }

nounverb911 April 8, 2011 at 11:31 am

But a wide stance is still okay in their eyes.

anniegetyerfun April 8, 2011 at 11:46 am

To be fair, that was Idaho.

harry_palmer April 8, 2011 at 11:48 am

You da what?

(Sorry, couldn;t resist.)

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 8, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Everyone knows that mainstream people use a wide stance. How else can you hook up for anonymous gay sex and not be prosecuted?

Pragmatist2 April 8, 2011 at 11:32 am

"Loophole"??? So that's what they call it in Montana.

anniegetyerfun April 8, 2011 at 11:47 am

They are always looking to tighten those loopholes. Because they get loosened by the horses. When they ride them, that is.

Doktor Zoom April 8, 2011 at 11:52 am

Loop, Glory, whatever.

Swampgas_Man April 8, 2011 at 3:17 pm

Bung?

hagajim April 8, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Loophole – Lambs poophole…bunch a sheepfuckers all of em.

Texan_Bulldog April 8, 2011 at 11:33 am

If that dude is not a member of NAMBLA, I'll kiss my dog's rear end.

harry_palmer April 8, 2011 at 11:47 am

By his own admission he daydreams of hook ups with "young men."

elviouslyqueer April 8, 2011 at 12:17 pm

I'll kiss my dog's rear end

Hey, Montana legislators are all "Ew, gross, gay sex," but I'm sure they'd be right on board with helping you do this.

freakishlywrong April 8, 2011 at 11:34 am

Any chance of prosecuting Montana for being assholes?

anniegetyerfun April 8, 2011 at 11:48 am

Come here, Asshole, your hormones are raging. Let's go into this bedroom and try out some homosexualisms. I think that you will find that you like it.

V572..whatever April 8, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Easy on Montana, folks. I once spent a very enjoyable weekend with a flight attendant in Billings. "Let's go in this bedroom," she said, "and let's engage in some heterosexual acts." And we did. And it was good.

Plus Yellowstone is awesome.

GunToting[Redacted] April 8, 2011 at 1:43 pm

We call that the Arizona Corollary. The state is beautiful. It's 90% of the population who suck.

Swampgas_Man April 8, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Sure that's not Utah you're talkin' bout?

GunToting[Redacted] April 8, 2011 at 4:20 pm

Nope, pretty sure. Once you leave the toxic valley behind (home to scorpions, Gila monster, and Bristol Palin's crackhouse) it's actually quite lovely. I'd imagine that the same would apply to Utah, but I've only been to SLC.

unclejeems April 8, 2011 at 1:45 pm

So, I reckon the flight attendant was satisfied with Old Faithful?

Graham Cracker April 8, 2011 at 4:04 pm

The courts would be tied up for years!

nounverb911 April 8, 2011 at 11:34 am

"You can never doth protest too much, right? "
Its time for Ken Peterson to come out of the closet.

Chet Kincaid April 8, 2011 at 11:34 am

In other words, all Montana Tourism media buys in the San Francisco Metro Area have been cancelled.

ChurchofRealism April 8, 2011 at 11:34 am

The Koch-face is strong with this one…

__kth__ April 8, 2011 at 1:53 pm

the way the hair is mussed, like he thinks it makes him look just a little younger

Grief_Lessons April 8, 2011 at 11:34 am

Deep in the recesses of the repressed ball of yarn Ken Peterson is pleased to call his mind, he yearns (yearns!) to get on his knees and genuflect before the impossibly dark penis of a large black man. It's what made him the Republican he is today.

Negropolis April 9, 2011 at 12:23 am

Fuck, you didn't tell us the safeword for reading that.

dr_giraud April 8, 2011 at 11:35 am

There are 2 kinds of "mainstream" in Montana: one you fish in, and the other you dump mining chemicals into.

riverside68 April 8, 2011 at 12:03 pm

Which one is the golden shower I hear so much about?

__kth__ April 8, 2011 at 2:08 pm

should win the thread, but the frist posts usually get the worm

Barbara_i April 8, 2011 at 11:35 am

"Homosexuals can’t go out into the heterosexual community and try to recruit people, or try to enlist them in homosexual acts"

Do they gays get small appliances for bringing more members in? Is this like a Tupperware party thing where they lure us in with hors D'oeuvres and small nibbly foods and then then we get a kicky beret` and then we all have to give each other a ride to gay pride parades and glue sequins on each others costumes?

I'm just not sure how this gay thing works.

Redhead April 8, 2011 at 11:42 am

Judging by that guy's mug, I'm guessing it must have something to do with roofies…

jus_wonderin April 8, 2011 at 11:42 am

I do think it is called "Gayway". But it is more of a pyramid scheme where we form an actual pyramid of nude, oiled up, sinuous bodies.

But yes, toasters are involved.

widestanceroman April 8, 2011 at 11:46 am

I can haz pikz?

loulouroo April 8, 2011 at 11:52 am

You beat me to it! I was just going to say that The Gay is the worst Multi-Level Marketing scheme EVER.

Doktor Zoom April 8, 2011 at 12:33 pm

The Toasters are involved, too? Frak me! I'd have assumed it was just the Skinjobs.

Tommmcattt April 8, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Toasters are involved, but only to toast the fetus treats at the meeting.

Nothing like a crunchy fetus to get your motor running.

BTWBFDIMHO April 8, 2011 at 11:56 am

- and this Tupperware would be ideal for your LBT sandwiches…
- OMG, that's disgusting!!

Barbara_i April 8, 2011 at 11:58 am

Disgustingly fresh! Did you listen for the patented burp? I was going to call the burp something else and didn't have the balls to do it.

FangornForest April 8, 2011 at 1:48 pm

They give out tupperware?! That's how my daughter came home with the sandwich keeper from school the other day! According to the gay agenda literature you only get the toaster after being indoctrinated at gun point.

{Sidenote: I've been lurking for a while, upfisting you guys behind the scenes-I'm shy that way-Thanks for some wonderful sanity saving snark :) }

DaRooster April 8, 2011 at 11:36 am

Wait just a cotton pickin' minute…
You ARE Republican and you THINK you have never associated with a gay guy? Think Rent Bois Ass-neck.

You sir are a moron!

pbrex April 8, 2011 at 12:47 pm

But but but, the CL posting said he was str8 and just experimenting! If I can't trust M4M ads anymore I don't know what to believe.

DaRooster April 8, 2011 at 3:38 pm

He replied to M4M 'cuz he was thinkin' Moron 4 Montana.

twoeightnine April 8, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Boise is in Idaho not Montana. Also.

Negropolis April 9, 2011 at 12:25 am

But, it's not gay if your penisii (?) don't touch.

GuyClinch April 8, 2011 at 11:36 am

Let's all chip in and buy him a 1-way bus ticket to SF's Castro District.

Callyson April 8, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Bus ticket? Hell, I say we spring for an express flight.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 8, 2011 at 1:53 pm

No good, as he would secretly enjoy it.

Negropolis April 9, 2011 at 12:28 am

Hell no am I going to pay so this guy can go on a relaxing vacation to his usual haunt.

baconzgood April 8, 2011 at 11:37 am

“Here, young man, your hormones are raging. Let’s go in this bedroom, and we’ll engage in some homosexual acts. You’ll find you like it,”

Worst fern-bar pick up line EVER!

Amo_of_Bogio April 8, 2011 at 11:43 am

Never been to MT, baconzgood, however I imagine fern bars are thin on the ground.

OT, the only things I know for sure about Montana come from "A River Runs Through It" the novel, not the movie.

baconzgood April 8, 2011 at 11:55 am

I've been there pretty place, ugly people.

GunToting[Redacted] April 8, 2011 at 1:48 pm

As I mentioned above, this applies to much of Arizona as well. I can't WAIT until the Rapture!

anniegetyerfun April 8, 2011 at 11:51 am

I'm trying to picture a young man, even a gay young man in Montana who is desperate to have a first sexual experience with a predatory older man, giving into that line. And I don't think he would. I think he would be, all, "Wow, that just fucking killed my boner. Thanks."

GeoffPeterson April 8, 2011 at 12:16 pm

I believe what dickhead is implying is that this line would on straight men and turn them gay. Thus the need for the law.

SorosBot April 8, 2011 at 12:28 pm

What the guy doesn't understand is that he's not a straight man who's been tempted and tricked into gay sex at times, he's a closeted gay man; actual straight men don't have the same desires he does and so won't turn gay if "recruited" (really just hit on).

__kth__ April 8, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Obviously it's supposed to be a paraphrase. If it sounded too authentic/sexy, people might think that Peterson had the 'mo cooties.

That's why Peterson didn't go with the first, ostensibly-hypothetical pickup line that occurred to him, e.g., "wow, you look like you've really been working out".

Gleem_McShineys April 8, 2011 at 3:13 pm

I believe "What position did you play" is the lastest one all the Repubs are using nowadays.

kissawookiee April 8, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Aaaaaaand the "writers" of Mary Worth have just stumbled upon the best new plot direction and dialogue EVAR.

Doktor Zoom April 8, 2011 at 12:37 pm

Aldo "Brokeback" Kelrast, back from the grave.

ArmoredBore April 8, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Alas, the content filter at work is preventing me from linking it (first no Dresden Codak, and now this? HARUMPH), but OK Cupid did a survey/study thing about gay vs. straight dating. One bit I found interesting was how some impossibly tiny fraction of OK Cupid users who identified as gay said they hit on heterosexuals intentionally. Something like 0.5% of those surveyed.

Those cunning fags and their roving bands of gay banditos!!

OC_7.1 Quake_Serf April 8, 2011 at 11:37 am

Peterson: Show us on the doll where they 'recruited' you

Jerri April 8, 2011 at 11:37 am

Here, young man, your hormones are raging. Let’s go in this bedroom, and we’ll engage in some homosexual acts. You’ll find you like it.

Well if that line doesn't get a young man all hot and bothered, nothing will. I hope Peterson buys the guy a phosphate when they're through engaging in some homosexual acts.

SorosBot April 8, 2011 at 11:54 am

It's a great line; I've picked up a ton of girls by walking up and asking, "Let's go into this bedroom and engage in some heterosexual acts." Drives them wild.

GeoffPeterson April 8, 2011 at 12:18 pm

I find that line is particularly effective if I had, "You'll find that you'll like it."

Callyson April 8, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Oh great. Now I have to go masturbate after hearing that line. BRB.

Rosie_Scenario April 8, 2011 at 11:37 am

Appropos: there's apparently a new poll, taken in Mississippi (why let Montana have all the fun), and more folks think that interracial marriage should be illegal, than think it should be legal. The 21st Century isn't exactly what I expected it would be.

ifthethunderdontgetya April 8, 2011 at 11:40 am

Both Clarence Thomas and his wife think it should be outlawed.
~

EatsBabyDingos April 8, 2011 at 11:49 am

Inter species is still okay, though?

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 8, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Hell, it's recommended in Mississippi.

anniegetyerfun April 8, 2011 at 11:52 am

My (brown) fiance announced that to me last night as I was curling up to read Nelson Mandela's autobiography. I can't say that I woke up feeling happy or anything.

Negropolis April 9, 2011 at 12:29 am

Show off!

anniegetyerfun April 9, 2011 at 10:45 am

Right? I can't help it.

jqheywood April 8, 2011 at 11:54 am

46% of republicans in Mississippi think it should be illegal, 40% think it should be legal, and the rest are functionally brain-dead.

Only 40% think it should be legal.

America, what a country!

finallyhappy April 8, 2011 at 3:44 pm

I hereby move that we force Mississippi to secede along with Texas and Montana- and we will continue to help them with new territory as time goes on

harry_palmer April 8, 2011 at 11:54 am

The 21st Century hasn't gotten to Mississippi yet.

SorosBot April 8, 2011 at 12:03 pm

Nor the 20th.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 8, 2011 at 12:04 pm

There still waiting on the 19th.

Mumbletypeg April 8, 2011 at 11:58 am

Can I get a witness?
Why, thank you, annals of Virginia, hallmark of shame.

GOPCrusher April 8, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Because it's Daylight Savings Time, it won't be the 21st century in Mississippi for 60 more years.

jus_wonderin April 8, 2011 at 11:38 am

“I don’t associate with that group of people at all… I’ve associated with mainstream people all my life.”

Yeah, right.

CliveWarren April 8, 2011 at 11:46 am

R. Kelly used to associate with midstream people. A moderate just like Ken-P!

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 8, 2011 at 12:05 pm

Well, if you have never "mainstreamed," you really can't call yourself a closeted homosexual.

SorosBot April 8, 2011 at 11:38 am

So how did this guy not here about the Supreme Court ruling quite a few years ago that made kinds of laws unconstitutional?

Oh, and moran: 1) gay people do not go out and recruit, and 2) gay people are mainstream.

jqheywood April 8, 2011 at 11:57 am

I was at a pride parade in DC years ago, and my favorite part was the J. Edgar Hoover marchers (they were all in drag in red dresses) chanting "ten percent is not enough! Recruit! Recruit! Recruit!"

Frost/Nixon/Robocop April 8, 2011 at 11:38 am

‘Here, young man, your hormones are raging. Let’s go in this bedroom, and we’ll engage in some homosexual acts. You’ll find you like it.’

Sorry ladies, after reading that sentence I'm now gay. That's exactly how it works.

karen April 8, 2011 at 6:07 pm

Pfft. That's nothing. It turned me straight, then it confused my gender, I had a sex change, and now I'm gay for the wang. Powerful, this gay voodoo.

Fred_Wertham_Jr April 8, 2011 at 11:39 am

How long until we see a Wonkette post about this guy with the pic of the "Free Candy" van?

Allmighty_Manos April 8, 2011 at 11:39 am

“Homosexuals can’t go out into the heterosexual community and try to recruit people, or try to enlist them in homosexual acts,” Peterson says

Man, that is really going to hurt GOP outreach.

ifthethunderdontgetya April 8, 2011 at 11:39 am

Ken finds gay sex icky, icky, icky! he says.

But he's so curious.
~

Redhead April 8, 2011 at 11:40 am

Wasn't that guy on an episode of "To Catch A Predator?"

DashboardBuddha April 8, 2011 at 11:40 am

The stupid is strong in this one.

marinmaven April 8, 2011 at 11:41 am

Mainstream Montana men are famous for not wanting to quit their sheep and long to "lay down" with them. Sheep are so nervous, most of them are addicted to tranquilizers or hope cowboy puts a little Rohypnol in their feed. So if they classify homosexuality with beastiality aren't they saying being gay is a-okay?

Doktor Zoom April 8, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Triumph of the Wool

OurHoboSenator April 8, 2011 at 11:41 am

Rep. Peterson was going to comment on this post, but he got distracted clicking on the "Hiscox" ad on the sidebar…

UpstateYorkee April 8, 2011 at 11:41 am

"Here, young man, your hormones are raging. Let’s go in this bedroom, and we’ll engage in some homosexual acts. You’ll find you like it."

With pick-up lines like that it's no wonder he's not getting any.

GuyClinch April 8, 2011 at 11:42 am

Hey, this guy is actually pretty reasonable. Almost concedes private behavior is off limits. It's the public stuff that'll get ya! From the article:

The other offense, in Peterson's legal opinion, is the public display of homosexuality, since he believes the Supreme Court's decision only applies to private acts behind closed doors. Being gay in public, he says, is a wholly different matter:

"In my mind, if they were engaging in acts in public that could be construed as homosexual, it would violate that statute. It has to be more than affection. It has to be overt homosexual acts of some kind or another… If kissing goes to that extent, yes. If it's more than that, yes."

SayItWithWookies April 8, 2011 at 11:51 am

Driving a Miata, for instance, would be over the line.

jus_wonderin April 8, 2011 at 11:43 am

I bet they have more than one trick, and often.

weejee April 8, 2011 at 11:44 am

There are some goats sheep up on Brokeback Mountain that would like to testify about Rep. Ken Peterson. Something about a pitiful wide stance and that he's a 60 second man who's foreplay is to simply call out "brace yourself."

Doktor Zoom April 8, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Baaaaaa-d love.

marinmaven April 8, 2011 at 11:45 am

Rep. Ken Peterson will be found in a Rentboy.com scandal in 4,3,2…

anniegetyerfun April 8, 2011 at 11:45 am

“Here, young man, your hormones are raging. Let’s go in this bedroom, and we’ll engage in some homosexual acts. You’ll find you like it,” Peterson said (really).

Well, chances are that he has had practice reciting this statement.

simplyblue7 April 8, 2011 at 11:46 am

Pffft…gays don't recruit. We're not jehovah witnesses!

Goonemeritus April 8, 2011 at 11:48 am

Thank God Montana is still ok with that hot man on sheep action.

Doktor Zoom April 8, 2011 at 11:59 am

Billy Connolly has some advice on the matter.

Not_So_Much April 8, 2011 at 11:48 am

I don't think that's his "hormones" that are raging when he talks about hairless young men with six-pack abs and smelling of sweet, sweet Axe. I hope Ken's Hello Kitty underoos are up to the task.

deanbooth April 8, 2011 at 11:50 am

He provides an example: “‘Here, young man…

The reporter is confusing an example with a suggestion.

randcoolcatdaddy April 8, 2011 at 11:51 am

When I look at this man, I feel quite sorry for Montana's sheep.

GuanoFaucet April 8, 2011 at 11:51 am

“‘Here, crazy-pants Peterson, your brain cells are rotting. Let’s go in this padded cell, and we’ll engage in some electro-shock therapy. You’ll find you like it.’”

widestanceroman April 8, 2011 at 11:53 am

True confession: I did recruit a heterosexual and got the absolute worst BJ ever in the history of the world (whoever said bad head is better than no head never met this guy).

Lesson learned; no on-the-knob-training offered.

GuyClinch April 8, 2011 at 11:59 am

Hey, I did the best I could, okay?

widestanceroman April 8, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Did your uvula grow back?

GuyClinch April 8, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Yeah, thanks. Did your pecker grow back?

widestanceroman April 8, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Why yes, thanks. Everyone says it grew back shinier and with more volume.

widestanceroman April 8, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Did your uvula grow back?

[forgive if this appears twice, Int. Deb. stole the first submission]

anniegetyerfun April 8, 2011 at 11:53 am

Oh, damn, you beat me to it.

MistaEko April 8, 2011 at 11:54 am

If that's how the gays are doing their recruitment, it's no wonder they're actually 4% less of the population than previously estimated.

themcwow April 8, 2011 at 11:57 am

Bedroom?

SheriffRoscoe April 8, 2011 at 11:59 am

He didn't say anything at all about the laundry room, on top of the washer, right?

jus_wonderin April 8, 2011 at 12:12 pm

I think he could have just left a ______________ there.

SheriffRoscoe April 8, 2011 at 11:57 am

Thank you, legislators, for protecting us from giving into our raging hormones and doing things in the bedroom we might actually like.

Doktor Zoom April 8, 2011 at 11:57 am

Compare and contrast:

Here, young man, your hormones are raging. Let’s go in this bedroom, and we’ll engage in some homosexual acts. You’ll find you like it.

You pulled a tiny petal off my world just when I thought you were to add one but all around is the meadow, where I shall again dance and skip and sing till some fool girl should brush my wing.

So, who woulda guessed? Julian Assange is marginally better at pitching woo than a Montana homophobe!

mereoblivion April 8, 2011 at 12:04 pm

And I woulda guessed that it's easier to woo a raging young man right ouside a bedroom than a fool girl in a meadow, but one never knows.

jqheywood April 8, 2011 at 11:59 am

FTW!

neiltheblaze April 8, 2011 at 11:59 am

This dried up fuck couldn't get a date in a gay bar at last call when everyone not hooked up is completely desperate.

jus_wonderin April 8, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Pretty sure that goes for the parking lot as well (as he slowly, slowly walks to his car).

MarionNYNY April 8, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Money talks.

JustPixelz April 8, 2011 at 12:02 pm

After arresting a non-heterosexual for pursuing happiness, the judge can now offer the classic choice — jail or the army.

v572625694 April 8, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Ease up on Montana folks. I once had a very enjoyable weekend w/a flight attendant in Billings.

neiltheblaze April 8, 2011 at 12:04 pm

"I am pansy scum SIR!"

DownFist Troll April 8, 2011 at 12:05 pm

but goat fucking is still legal right? wouldn't want to upset the base by putting big government in peoples barns.

baconzgood April 8, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Tee-Hee
"Butte"

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 8, 2011 at 12:08 pm

I know when I was a teenager, and my hormones were raging, I would often get me some gay sex to settle them down. But, if it is against the law, that doesn't make me gay, right?

Weenus299 April 8, 2011 at 12:09 pm

Come here, Montantan teenager person, your hormones are raging. Let's go into this gun store and try out some semiautomatics. I think that you will find that you like it.

Fixed, Murican style.

Jerri April 8, 2011 at 12:11 pm

What do you mean, "These John Philip Sousa marches are spoiling the mood?"

SheriffRoscoe April 8, 2011 at 12:12 pm

If the definition of "mainstream" is "premature orgasm but it's ok anyway because I was already out of breath due to being fat and out of shape" (and I do believe that definition is current in the United States), then I concur with Mr. Peterson's statement, as I don't associate with mainstream people. And by "associate", I mean "screw."

x111e7thst April 8, 2011 at 12:13 pm

I'm pretty sure I last saw this guy in the old St Marks Baths, pushing his penis through a loophole in the hope that someone would take pity on the tiny fragile thing and engage is some sort of homosexual act with it.

mourningnmerica April 8, 2011 at 12:14 pm

Pa-dum, tsshhh.

mourningnmerica April 8, 2011 at 12:16 pm

So it's OK to drive drunk, but suck a dick…. your ass is goin' to jail.

DashboardBuddha April 8, 2011 at 12:16 pm

Well done.

I like big Buttes and I cannot lie!

Doktor Zoom April 8, 2011 at 12:18 pm

So at the moment I'm doing online scoring of the essay portion of a certain large state's standardized tests for 4th-graders (hint: a surprising portion of this state's 9 year olds can't spell "San Antonio"). Here is a verbatim sample from an essay I read last night, about a trip to the fair:

Then we whent to eat. I ate some cotten candy and a pickel and a cock. Then we whent go eat really food We ate sangwish and cock. Then we whent…

(I think the kid meant "Coke," or maybe "cookies" or "cake.")

My other favorite was the kid who wrote about visiting the "incest exibet" at the natural history museum, where s/he learned that "not all incest are bad, some are good like ladiebugs."

(OK, so I'm violating my Nondisclosure Agreement here, but what the hey–if the poindexters who I've contracted with can track me down from this silly post on a warblog, I'll admire their L337 5K1LLZ and I'll go quietly)

unclejeems April 8, 2011 at 1:51 pm

How do they do with public? My grad students often drop the "l". What goes around, comes around.

Doktor Zoom April 8, 2011 at 4:18 pm

That, of course, is just good ol' Spellcheck Fail, which is where we get things like one of my students wrote a couple years back: "The new bride will be four lanes wide, which should eliminate a rush hour bottleneck."

Negropolis April 9, 2011 at 12:27 am

ROTFLMAO!

XOhioan April 8, 2011 at 2:29 pm

A sangwish is what you need after a good squirmish.

JoshuaNorton April 8, 2011 at 12:20 pm

That dude should be the poster boy for beastiality. I mean if you had a choice between him or a sheep, which way would you go?

Just look at him. Dayam! That's a whole lotta ugly happening in one place.

DashboardBuddha April 8, 2011 at 12:22 pm
Groupshrug April 8, 2011 at 12:25 pm

Sure this guy is an Asshole.

But can you really say that Gay men don't try to "recruit" straight men? Isn't that like a whole category of gay porn?

widestanceroman April 8, 2011 at 12:38 pm

A gay porn category of seducing straight guys exists (just as there is a category of straight porn that involves getting 2 chicks to go "that way" for the straight guy's enjoyment), but the problem is the use of the word, 'recruit,' as if they were ever after under the control of the predatory homo's agenda.

SheriffRoscoe April 8, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Sure, but it never seems to work. As soon as you get him recruited you realize he wasn't straight in the first place.

AJW@[redacted] April 8, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Hah–I've been trying to recruit a girl for years, and wouldn't you know it, NONE of 'em are straight…

magnetite April 8, 2011 at 12:49 pm

They also get themselves sent to prisons that you could escape by simply walking out via the fourth wall, past the cameras and the fluffers.

neiltheblaze April 8, 2011 at 1:10 pm

There's a whole group of gay guys who think straight men are Prime Grade-A Beef and are willing to risk getting punched in the mouth when they sidle up to them.

On the other hand, there are a whole group of straight men who find out you're gay and hit on you because they think they're doing you a big favor (Because, they're "real men", and "you know you want it" – and their wives don't understand them – though in reality, they ALWAYS understand them all too well – and "it's not really cheating because you aren't a woman").

All part of the Rich Pageant that is Sexually Repressed America.

GuyClinch April 8, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Were you perhaps also thinking of the enormous Berkeley Pit there? http://www.damninteresting.com/the-pit-of-life-an

kissawookiee April 8, 2011 at 12:28 pm

No, because nobody actually ends up liking broccoli.

BornInATrailer April 8, 2011 at 12:29 pm

"I’ve associated with mainstream people all my life"

Just like Jesus!

bflrtsplk April 8, 2011 at 12:32 pm

This fellow needs a healthy helpin'of buttsecks. Pronto! "Here, old frart…"

Tommmcattt April 8, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Don't look at me.

poncho_pilot April 8, 2011 at 12:32 pm

“‘Here, young man, your hormones are raging. Let’s go in this bedroom, and we’ll engage in some homosexual acts. You’ll find you like it.’”

stunning dialogue. reminds of this excellent film made by the Inglewood PD (of course):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17u01_sWjRE

orygoon April 8, 2011 at 12:36 pm

"in the same legal category as bestiality".

Montana. Sheep/redneck country.

<scratches head, puzzled>

Guppy06 April 8, 2011 at 12:38 pm

"Here, young man, your hormones are raging."

Oh, I know this song! "It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A!"

Doktor Zoom April 8, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Wonkette's Montana Office: It's all about the Buttesecks.

(Whoot-whoot, in the Butte!)

owhatever April 8, 2011 at 12:40 pm

"Here, young lady, your hormones are raging. Let’s go in my office, and you can engage in some homosexual acts with my hot secretary. You’ll find you like it, and I can take pictures."

DeeJayKitteh April 8, 2011 at 12:42 pm

I was going to say I'm surprised he's not trying to outlaw college based on all the hot girl-on-girl experimentation that's going on…but based on the general level of ignorance in Montana, I think he already has.

hagajim April 8, 2011 at 12:46 pm

It's Montana and they are much more likely to prosecute the gays than the sheep fuckers….simple fact.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 8, 2011 at 12:52 pm

Hey, where is our fisting troll? I would think he couldn't resist a post about closeted gay sex.

widestanceroman April 8, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Both hands are busy today.

ArmoredBore April 8, 2011 at 12:52 pm

Like Lewis Black said, everything would change if we could just stop the dastardly queers. We'd all have solar energy! The Sunnis and the Shiites would lay down their arms!

thefrontpage April 8, 2011 at 12:59 pm

All of the approximately 9 million people estimated to be gay, lesbian or bi-sexual in the United States should immediately move to Montana.

thefrontpage April 8, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Montana is for Lovers

hagajim April 8, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Montana is for sheep Lovers…fixed that for ya.

thefrontpage April 8, 2011 at 1:00 pm

This guy better start worrying about the new properties in Montana that were just purchased by Nathan Lane, George Michael, Elton John, Richard Simmons, Rosie O'Donnell, Ellen DeGeneres and Andy Dick.

XOhioan April 8, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Someone's been play-acting with their Ken dolls.

XOhioan April 8, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Also, someone is wearing an obvious hairpiece. Which young men in Montana might go for, I guess.

hollywooddood April 8, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Why are Repubicans so obsessed with penises and vaginas? Is it in the Constitution?

twoeightnine April 8, 2011 at 1:28 pm

Jesus hung out with the gays?!?1? They're not going to like that in Montana.

phlox✔ April 8, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Looking for my Butte Pirates football t-shirt as we speak.

unclejeems April 8, 2011 at 1:47 pm

No guts, no gays, no glory. If LGBT didn't exist, the wingnuts would have to invent them. I mean, what's a wedge issue for!

Swampgas_Man April 8, 2011 at 3:19 pm

If NAMBLA didn't exist, these guys would still be fucking boy prostitots.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 8, 2011 at 1:53 pm

I believe it is spelled "Koch."

unclejeems April 8, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Or Wisdom. He probably prefers Beaverhead.

BZ1 April 8, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Is that picture of a cadaver supposed to be Rep. Ken Peterson (R-Montana)? It does look a little humorless.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 8, 2011 at 2:06 pm

He spends all of his time staring at the Tetons, and telling himself that is what he really, really wants.

Swampgas_Man April 8, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Pretty sure his head's been in Butte all his life.

Andrew Drinker April 8, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Here, young man, your hormones are raging. Let’s go in this bedroom, and we’ll engage in some homosexual acts. You’ll find you like it.

Hey, it worked for Lindsey Graham!

*sizzle*

Swampgas_Man April 8, 2011 at 3:24 pm

If teh Cock has any sense, it's avoiding him w/ might and main.

Ustreetmike April 8, 2011 at 3:37 pm

This guy has obviously never heard of Scott Oak from Missoula.

Rowdy5000 April 8, 2011 at 3:40 pm

You heard it here first, gays: you are still cool and underground. Way to not lose your integrity going mainstream, gays.

WhatTheHolyHeck April 8, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Oh, there's the downfister.

No fear, I have your back. (Just not in that way.)

D Gregory Smith April 8, 2011 at 3:50 pm

I say it's fascination rather than disgust….

ttommyunger April 9, 2011 at 12:50 pm

It has taken me a long time to come to the place where I stop judging people on their appearance. Seeing this asshat's picture is causing me to rethink my position. He looks more gay and confused than a blindfolded Elton John at a weenie roast. Don't know about the hormones, but the "stupid" is definitely raging here.

Grief_Lessons April 9, 2011 at 9:20 pm

Wonkette: your home for politics-themed masturbation fodder since 2004.

trondant April 10, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Yes, and nothing makes them happier than hearing "pitcher."

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