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A candle in the wind.Donald Trump has done just about everything he can to lead this country. #1: He brought the birth-certificate issue into this campaign. #2: He hired a team to go to Hawaii to investigate. And now #3: He loves this country so much he is spending his spare time applying his own gifted mind to the issue, and has come up with a solution to it all: Barack Obama was born in Kenya, but his selfish criminal grandparents wanted to make him a citizen illegally, so they stuck a notice of his birth in the newspaper when he got back from his baby journey of baby self-reflection in Africa. And since everybody knows you only need to present a newspaper clipping to get citizenship from the government, that’s all it took to do the worst crime in U.S. history, which has now been uncovered by Donald Trump’s reasoning skillz. You’re fired, Matlock!

We sat through an entire dumb phone interview Trump did on Morning Joe with one of those weird crews that show comes up with, composed of Willie Geist, Ed Rendell, Donnie Deutsch, and, sitting quietly in the corner, still alive somehow, Pat Buchanan. Here’s what Trump said:

“So he could have been born in Kenya, they come over to the United States, the grandparents put the ads in, and I’m telling you, there is a major chance that this guy has violated the United States Constitution.”

“This guy” meaning “this guy when he was a baby.” That newborn baby was a criminal! That baby knew what it was doing when it became an illegal citizen.

Pat Buchanan took the argument apart. PAT BUCHANAN. You know you’re in trouble when Pat Buchanan thinks you’re being insane:

“But, you know, Donald, they would have to travel, you’d have to bring the kid out of Kin-ya, and bring him back to the United States. You’ve got documents for all that, do you not? I mean, the mother would have to travel within a short period of time. There would be records of all of that.”

Trump’s response: There are documents. Okay! So yes, Barack Obama’s mother gave birth to him, hid Baby Barry in a suitcase, sweated her way through customs in Hawaii without them noticing there was a baby in there, and then Obama’s grandparents presented the Social Security Administration with a newspaper clipping, and suddenly he’s a citizen.

Wouldn’t Obama be a citizen even if he was born overseas because his mother was American? Oh, never mind. Obviously it was worth sitting through this clip just to see this graphic at the end:


One of these things is not like the others! (Cohen's gay too, right?)


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