garbage man

No Trash Pickup In D.C.? Just Put the Garbage On Boehner’s Lawn

Speaker John Boehner is ready to shut down the government, including DC city services like trash collection.

Well, if he won’t allow us to use OUR TAX DOLLARS to pick it up, maybe we should just BRING IT TO HIM.

Makes sense. But you people are forgetting John Boehner grew up in a den of garbage and soiled diapers and this will just make him feel more at home. [Facebook via Wonkette operative "Nolan T."]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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46 comments

  1. OC_7.1 Quake_Serf

    "DC trash collection" should be done with paddywagons, starting on capital hill…

  2. DaRooster

    Could they do one last HUGE pick up on Friday? You know, starting with that Republican trash…

  3. SorosBot

    Wait, the Washington government isn't shutting down, just the feds; why would trash collection, a city service, stop?

      1. finallyhappy

        yes, the DC libraries will close and there will be no parking tickets given out(but police will work so limit your illegal activities to parking in a no-parking zone)

    1. haleymonet

      It's the same story for all the museums in the area as well. And since it's cherry blossom season, this is going to be a huge problem for the area's tourism industry. Sadface.

    2. Cicada

      We pay our local taxes, but Congress controls whether they're disbursed to pay for the District's services. It's awesome. And by awesome, I mean totally and completely fucked.

      But hey, I'm sure all the sanitation workers and other "non-essential" municipal employees will make ends meet somehow. And the rest of us get to play in garbage piles!

      1. Sharkey

        Wow, I didn't know that. Meh, it should be okay for a week or so, kinda like snowmaggedon where no one could drive all week. After that first week, it's really gonna suck.

      2. GuyClinch

        Yep, and the cunty GOP leadership put a freshly-minted House teabagger Trey Gowdy (Teatard-SC) in charge of the subcommittee that oversees DC. Klassy move!

  4. Badonkadonkette

    Imagine all those people walking by John Boehner's lawn and wondering "What the heck?"

  5. widestanceroman

    Please dump off wine bottles with exactly 1/5th of a swig in each one, so we can watch him try and try, like a bear cub in a honey pot.

        1. glamourdammerung

          I am aware of that, just as everyone is probably aware of what "presents" I would leave in a wine bottle in Boehner's front yard.

  6. mrblifil

    Actually this is counter-intuitive, as Boehner has a surprisingly "green" political philosophy. Very few people have done so much to recycle 16-year old failed conservative tactics. Hey, 16 years! That's the same age as his favorite ball-washing caddy!

  7. nounverb911

    I already mail my dead fluorescent bulbs to my congressman, let him deal with the hazardous waste.

  8. freakishlywrong

    Where does crazy Shelly live? I'm bloated and getting cramps and we're not supposed to flush those anyway.

  9. finallyhappy

    If I knew wher Cantor or Boehner lived- I might just pick up the trash from someone in DC and put it in their trash cans.

  10. Hatrabbit

    That's a shame since the amount of white trash rolling around D.C. was just starting to taper off with the teapartiers getting all bored or something.

  11. walstib

    Where does he live in DC?

    Anyone?

    I'm willing to hop on a plane and poop on his stoop.

    1. GuyClinch

      I've gotta think that most of the GOP "leadership" doesn't actually live in DC, since it's so very, very urban. They probably live out in Fairfax County, esp. McLean, VA, where terrible Newt Gingrich and a bunch of other amoral rich white crackers live. The Repugs always treat DC with contempt, so why would they shit in their own nest? (David Vitter excepted, of course)

      1. JoeBiteme

        Actually, I think Boner does live on the Hill, but McLean Family Restaurant (Yes, I'm serious) is always a favorite with Newt, Go Pat Go and other douche bags of yesteryear…

      2. Cicada

        I'm not going to post his address, but he lives on the Hill. I'm sure the FB group will give meet-up info if the shut-down happens.

  12. GOPCrusher

    Maybe Speaker Drunky McNicotineStain should have taken this into account when he contributed to winding up the crazies and turning them loose in order to get where he is.
    Now he and the rest of the House Republiklans have to own what they did. It will be more humorous to see the debate on raising the debt ceiling.

  13. Beowoof

    I am almost ready to drive from upstate New York to Washington to throw some trash on his lawn. I think I will bring chicken wing bones.

    1. Jerri

      He's going to cry no matter what. To paraphrase my grandpa, may as well give him something to cry about.

  14. Callyson

    Aw, I'm jealous: I live too far away to contribute to this worthy cause. Locals, please dump off an extra trashcan for those of us on the West Coast…

  15. poncho_pilot

    are there a lot of urban raccoons or opossums in DC? barring anything mean being done to them, they could be an interesting ally in this crusade.

    1. smashaduck

      Only seen one opossum but our rats are bigger than most raccoons. There's a joke in there somewhere but I've hit the bong a few times already.

  16. neiltheblaze

    I don't see why Republicans can't all commit mass suicide and make the world a better fucking place.

  17. NorthStarSpanx

    Typical of bleeding heart socialist liberals, aiding and abetting the enemy.

    This is just like Hawaii's emergent care services applying its socialist life-saving skills to a real life Animal Farm character like Rush Limbaugh suffering from cardiac distress.

  18. hagajim

    Being as I am on the wrong side of the country to leave Mr. Boehner anything…..can I get a Wonketeer to leave him a big steaming pile in my name? Thanks in advance.

  19. chunchy

    if you take your garbage to Boehner's yard, let us take all the aborted baby fecies and dump them on Reid's front yard., afterall ithey are considered trash

  20. Bowmanave

    We tried living without trash service for a while, but I found it too much of a hassle and the savings negligible. It's easier to save money in other areas. Where we live, trash service is billed every three months at $45; that works out to about 50 cents a day. That's worth it to me!

  21. alaninthecastro

    No family planning services in DC? Dump your aborted fetuses on John Boehner's lawn.

Comments are closed.