rick's list

Rick Sanchez Hires Publicist To Promote Rick Sanchez Post On HuffPo

Dumbass.One day you’re bringing home six figures from CNN, the next day you’re unemployed and apologizing to the fucking Jews and trying to figure out how to get paid from Twitter. That is the complete Wikipedia entry for Rick Sanchez, the dumbest anchorman since Ron Burgundy. And now, for reasons we cannot even begin to fathom, Rick has hired a New York publicity firm to send emails to our former morning editor (a Jew) about Sanchez posting something banal on Huffington Post about something Rick saw in a Jewish publication.

If you’re going to hire a publicist, maybe don’t hire a publicist that will bizarrely send “story ideas” and interview pitches to a vicious political satire site that has published dozens and dozens of vicious attacks on Rick Sanchez, for being dumb.

But, who are we to decide how the big-money Republicans are supposed to spend their money? Anyway:

From: ____@5wpr.com
To: tips@wonkette.com
Date :Thu, Apr 7, 2011 at 12:46 PM
Subject Porn Pays Politicians – Uncovered by Rick Sanchez, former CNN Host

Wonkette
Mr. Josh Fruhlinger
Via Email: tips@wonkette.com

Dear Josh:

Rick Sanchez, former CNN host, picked up on a story that no one seems to be following. Perhaps it is not a big deal, but a known pornography provider – and pirated porn as well – is a donor to Congressmen Cantor and Weiner and to the Republican National Committee

Can I interest you in looking further and even talking to Rick?

Thanks

______

Perhaps it is not a big deal? You’re not really selling the story here!

What follows this email is the text of something Rick Sanchez has posted to Huffington Post — anyone can post anything to Huffington Post. It’s about some dumb article in The Forward about some sleazebag somewhere who donates money to politicians like any sleazebag might do. That’s it! Stay tuned for tomorrow’s edition of “Rick’s List,” when Sanchez will leave weird comments on some kid’s YouTube video of “Lego History” or whatever.

Anyway, we sent this to lazy Josh Fruhlinger (who is a few months late with his latest Cartoon Violence column!), and Josh wrote back, “Wait, Rick Sanchez is writing for the JEW-CONTROLLED MEDIA???? There’s your story right there.” And then we said, No, Rick Sanchez has simply linked to the Jew-Controlled Media. And then Josh was all, “That’s gotta be the most depressing/unrewarding publicist job ever, trying to publicize Rick Sanchez’s sad content-aggregation hobby.”

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Comments

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  • undeterredbyreality

    Dirty, dirty, dirty Sanchez…

  • Rosie_Scenario

    Porn libel.

    • baconzgood

      I'm "libel" to watch some porn.

  • 738838

    Sanchez/Fruhlinger 2012

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Fruhlinger/Sanchez 2012

      FIXED

    • tessiee

      Sanchez/Mel Gibson 2012

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Ron Burgundy deeply resents that comparison. Any of the Fox bobble heads would qualify, though.

  • EdFlintstone

    The worst part of the story according to Sanchez, was that the porn was jew porn, AKA the hedgehog Ron Jeremy.

    • DownFist Troll

      That man is a living god. An ugly god, but a god nonetheless.

  • bureaucrap

    Ron Burgundy is fictional. Perhaps Rick Sanchez might consider doing the same; it might be a good career move for him.

    • http://wonkette.com Ken Layne

      I lived in San Diego in the 1980s, and I interned at the local NBC affiliate's newsroom. Ron Burgundy is NOT fictional.

      • Lucidamente1

        I thought it was Ron Hunter.

      • emmelemm

        Art imitating life FTW.

  • waitforsugar

    "Can I interest you in looking further and even talking to Rick?" Nope, not even about porn.

  • http://wonkette.com WordSaladNation

    I don't mean to go all "middle school English teacher" on this publicist, but this sentence is a mess:

    Perhaps it is not a big deal, but a known pornography provider – and pirated porn as well – is a donor to Congressmen Cantor and Weiner and to the Republican National Committee.

    He should have written something like this:

    Perhaps it is not pertinent to the plot, but a provider of pirated porn is a patron of political poopnozzles.

    • Goonemeritus

      Me thinks he talk pretty.

  • Lucidamente1

    As long as he agrees to have himself tasered regularly, I'm ok with it.

  • baconzgood

    Sanchez pirate porn? Kinky! This is exactly the kinda story us Wonkers want!!! Why the FUCK did you pass?

    • GOPCrusher

      What is pirate porn anyway? The male role has a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder?

      • GOPCrusher

        Wow. That received a downfist? Someone truly lives a bitter existence.

        • baconzgood

          "BLOW ME DOWN" Need I say more matey? ARRRRRRRRRR!!!!

      • La_Cieca

        Well, matey, you can start with a little ARRRR-al, then we'll be seein' what ensues.

      • Guppy06

        Lots of lusty wenches in heaving bodices. Basically,film versions of your typical trashy "romance" novel.

      • Negropolis

        A peg leg, eh? Sounds kinky. Just think of what you could do with a peg leg…

        • Ms Whatever

          Um, amputation fetish porn exists. google at your own peril.

      • tessiee

        "What is pirate porn anyway?"

        Well, it's a certain *kind* of pirate…

  • Giveusabob

    5WPR? You mean Ron(n) Torossian's wacky promo company? Well, it makes sense, really. http://gawker.com/#!5375465/ronn-sic-torossian-
    Besides that, what's up with the HuffPo going Bizarro World on us? First Breitbart and now Sanchez?

    • LocalGirlMakesGoo

      I'm guessing the AOL merger?

  • CrunchyKnee

    Pirate porn!!!???!!!111!!one! Yaaar.

    • 738838

      Captain Pissgums and his pervert pirates.

    • FNMA

      I've always wondered what "shiver me timbers" meant.

    • Barbara_i

      Ass Pirates of the Caribbean?

    • prommie

      Arrrr, where be my wenches? Its time to divide the booty!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Ferret around in a pornographers dealings long enough, of course you're going to find some Weiner.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You all are too critical. At least Rick is staying with something he understands: porn.

  • DaRooster

    "I grew up not speaking English, dealing with real prejudice every day as a kid; watching my dad work in a factory, wash dishes, drive a truck, get spit on. I’ve been told that I can’t do certain things in life simply because I was a Hispanic."

    I would think someone with such a childhood might be a bit less of a bigot… but alas, again the joke is on me for having hope in humankind.

  • SayItWithWookies

    After Rick Sanchez is done blowing the lid off the whole "legal political contributions" scandal, maybe he can investigate the questionable behavior of the traffic light down the street, which regularly turns from green to yellow then red before starting all over again. Perhaps it is no big deal.

  • poncho_pilot

    pirate porn? arrr. it's driving me nuts.

    • DaRooster

      I only go to movies that are Rated… ARRR!

      • poncho_pilot

        Ron Johnson (Arrrr-WI)

    • sati_demise

      No complaining or you get to walk the plank

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Where's it driving them?

  • SorosBot

    Oh no, someone involved in a legal portion of our entertainment industry that the professional puritanical prudes disapprove of may have donated money to politicians, how awful.

  • freakishlywrong

    Wait. What? Arianna Huffington is doing pirated porn with Jews and dumb, twittering anchormen and their weiners? On CNN?

  • Badonkadonkette

    Wow, dude, Rick Sanchez panhandling for media attention is actually the most pathetic thing I've seen in a while. I actually feel sorry for hi-ah, nope. Nope. No I don't.

  • DownFist Troll

    You know who else hated the Jews and liked pirate themed porn?

    • SayItWithWookies

      Long John Himmler?

    • GOPCrusher

      Mel Gibson?

  • Barbara_i

    Yay! The downfister hates porn.

    • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Especially porn without animals.

    • poncho_pilot

      but he loves Jesus. he's probably the one dfing me on the bible post.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      He is probably upset that none of the links lead to pictures of little boys.

  • edgydrifter

    Investigating links between porn and Congress is like swinging a bat in a pinata factory. You're going to connect with something, guaranteed.

  • finallyhappy

    I remember when the Forward was in Yiddish-Rick Sanchez couldn't have used that Jewish controlled medium(plus the stories were not about porn)

  • Hatrabbit

    You might wanna pull out yr jazz flute Rick: "Little Ham 'n Eggs comin' at ya, hold on people hope ya got your griddles"

  • SorosBot

    So Sanchez is blogging for the HuffPo now; he's not just an antisemite, he's also a scab.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    "Can I interest you in […] talking to Rick?"

    FUCK no. And you can forward this anywhere.

  • Come here a minute

    Rick Sanchez
    I put flowers on Algernon's grave today.
    5 minutes ago.

  • Chillwaver

    HuffPo still exists? Didn't Zsa Zsa Huffington sell it to the Tea Party's official internet provider?

  • fuflans

    well at least we don't have to look at scott walker's crossed and beady eyes for this particular story.

  • GOPCrusher

    Rick Sanchez's next big tip? Charlie Sheen likes to party.

  • Weenus299

    Has he been pepper sprayed yet? Waterboarded? I'd pay him a nickel to see Shit Done To Rick Sanchez.

    • Gopherit

      He could probably get some ad revenue from youtube for that. Sorta like an upscale version of Bumfights.

  • XOhioan

    Rick Sanchez is the new Associated Content. Google's going to have to add a " and NOT "Rick Sanchez" to their search algorithm.

  • GeoffPeterson

    I'm Rick Sanchez?

  • Guppy06

    You down with that jive?

  • Gopherit

    Rick is missing his calling. He needs to call up Johnny Knoxville and do a newsy political version of Jackass.

  • MinAgain

    I kinda like the idea of pirate porn.

    • sati_demise

      and a bottle of rum.

    • tessiee

      I want my pirate porn screen name to be Treasure Chest.

  • lulzmonger

    HuffPo just got Rickrolled.
    Too late?

  • Negropolis

    Bad, bad Sanchez. Dirty Sanchez…

    …the dumbest anchorman since Ron Burgundy.

    Bret Baier begs to differ, Ken. Also, even though she's a host, Megyn Kelly. Also.

    What's more annoying, Mormon missionaries, or Rick Sanchez whoring for attention?

  • tessiee

    And Turkish prisons?