A SERIOUS MAN  11:05 am April 7, 2011

Donald Trump Has Team of Gumshoes In Hawaii Looking For Birth Certificate

by Jack Stuef

Only the best can crack this case!Donald Trump has certainly given a very interesting interview to the Today show, considering he’s going to be our next president of the United States and all! “Let me just say something. There’s nobody more militaristic than me.” Cool! It’s about time we had a president with no experience in politics who is upfront about blowing up every other country on the planet. “Iran is going to take over Iraq, because we have de-neutered Iraq, you know that, in terms of their military.” De-neutered, huh? Is Iran going to get in a squirmish with them? The new military terms we hear these days are so strange and complex! Oh, also: Donald Trump says he has people in Hawaii working on finding Obama’s birth records. How big of him. He knows how to protect and defend this country.

MEREDITH VIEIRA:
Okay. Are you saying if you were President, you would take us out of Afghanistan?

DONALD TRUMP:
Well, nothing’s simple. Because I don’t believe in foot soldiers. They get blown up on streets. But I do believe in airplanes that are 50,000 feet up. And when we see through intelligence what’s going on, knock the hell out. Oh, by the way, I’m much more militaristic than Obama.

Sure, airplanes can run a country. Let’s go with that.

DONALD TRUMP:
I am saying I want to see the birth certificate. It’s very simple. I want to see the birth certificate. How come his own family doesn’t know which hospital he was born in? How come– forget about birth certificates. Let’s say there’s no birth certificate. How come in the hospital itself, okay? This is one of the…in the hospital itself, there’s no records of his birth. In other words, it doesn’t say how much they paid, where is the doctor, here’s your room bill. You know, all the

MEREDITH VIEIRA:
You’ve been privy to all of this to know this?

DONALD TRUMP:
Well, I have people that actually have been studying it and they cannot believe what they’re talking.

MEREDITH VIEIRA:
You have people now out there searching– I mean, in Hawaii?

DONALD TRUMP:
Absolutely. And they cannot believe what they’re finding. And I’m serious–

Yeah, why won’t this hospital just release half-century-old billing records to people who say they’re working for Donald Trump? Don’t they know about that “private detectives a reality teevee goon hired” clause in doctor-patient confidentiality? It says you should keep ancient billing records around for decades just in case Donald Trump’s representatives say they want them.

But wait a second, Trump has never released the billing records from his birth. The evidence is really mounting he is an illegal Kenyan, isn’t it? [The Page]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 186 comments }

nounverb911 April 7, 2011 at 11:09 am

While they are at it, maybe they can find the person responsible for his hair.

baconzgood April 7, 2011 at 11:41 am

Cy Sperling hiding in a cave in Pakistan

i_AM_ready April 7, 2011 at 12:02 pm

I have this fantasy that a reporter would ask Obama about Trump saying all this shit, and Obama would say, "Um, is Trump that guy with the fancy hairdo?"

Serolf_Divad April 7, 2011 at 11:09 am

"de-neutered" is the new mis-underestimate.

Tundra Grifter April 7, 2011 at 11:52 am

Serolf_Divad: I guess it means "sew 'em back on."

It remains equally astonishing that neither Donald Chump or Duh Gov'Nuh can get through an interview or infomercial without proving they can't string together seven or eight coherent sentences.

__kth__ April 7, 2011 at 12:34 pm

Interpreting malapropisms is a hobby of mine, so I'm gonna guess he was trying to say 'denatured', only because he wrongly believes that 'denatured' is a synonym of 'neutered'.

metamarcisf April 7, 2011 at 11:10 am

These are the same detectives that O.J. hired to find his wife's killer.

LabRodent April 7, 2011 at 11:37 am

The REAL Killers

nedbeaumontjr April 7, 2011 at 1:28 pm

Those guys are geniuses. They get money to do nothing, famously.

Mahousu April 7, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Yeah, but so does Congress, and I wouldn't call most of those guys "geniuses."

comrad_darkness April 7, 2011 at 9:56 pm

How DO you retain your svelte figure with scores like that?

Tundra Grifter April 7, 2011 at 11:10 am

So Donald Chump doesn't know any more about HIPAA than he does about the WTO.

WTF?

He did manage to say "Well, I have people that actually have been studying it and they cannot believe what they’re talking."

That makes two of us, Donald – 'cause I don't believe what they're talking either.

PsycWench April 7, 2011 at 11:56 am

He and Palin must use the same "speechwriter".

Barbara_i April 7, 2011 at 11:11 am

After he finds the birth certificate he's going to want to find the discarded foreskin from Barry's circumcision, just to be sure. Wait until he finds that he can wear it as a swim cap. Guess you won't be the biggest prick after all, eh?

OneDollarJuana April 7, 2011 at 11:26 am

Trump says he was born in Jamaica, Queens. Where's his BC to prove it wasn't the other Jamaica?

SorosBot April 7, 2011 at 11:30 am

Didn't some wingnuts demand to know if was circusmsized, because that apparently would make him a Muslim (even though a lot of hospitals routinely do so)? I think they really just wanted to see his big black dick though.

Barbara_i April 7, 2011 at 11:47 am

His dick is probably so big that it has its own teleprompter.

Chet Kincaid April 7, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Oops, did you say that out loud?

Chet Kincaid April 7, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Oh, so I see your counter-Spanky2b strategy: if he's fappin', he ain't downfisting! Just keep breathlessly describing Barry's throbbing Executive Branch!

BlueStateLibel April 7, 2011 at 12:14 pm

It would be a big improvement over what he's got on his head now.

nounverb911 April 7, 2011 at 11:11 am

"But wait a second, Trump has never released the billing records from his birth. The evidence is really mounting he is an illegal Kenyan, isn’t it?"
Jamaican born Trump is part of a Rastafarian plot.

Ducksworthy April 7, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Ganja might explain the incoherence, But it wouldn't account for the pettiness and underlying stupidity, mon.

Chet Kincaid April 7, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Get up, stand up
Stand up for the Right.
Get up, stand up
Just give up the fight!

OC_Cesium-137 _Serf April 7, 2011 at 11:11 am

they cannot believe what they’re finding

and with you as ringleader, neither will anybody else

JustPixelz April 7, 2011 at 12:03 pm

Except the birthers and Repubicans — they'll believe anything.

But why is Trumpette keeping those unbelievable "findings" a secret? What does he have to hide?

Clancy_Pants April 7, 2011 at 11:12 am

I hear you can get a vasectomy reversed. But if the 'nads went in the trash I don't think there's anyway to get de-neutered? At least that's what the vet told me.

Crank_Tango April 7, 2011 at 11:32 am

Well Stump keeps his in a jar and they are YOOGE, and the best, finest, classiest disconnected balls around.

OzoneTom April 7, 2011 at 11:39 am

Perhaps he was thinking of medical-quality TruckNutz: http://www.neuticles.com/

ttommyunger April 7, 2011 at 11:12 am

"Absolutely. And they cannot believe what they’re finding." And no one else will, either, douchebag.

ManchuCandidate April 7, 2011 at 11:12 am

Fools rush to get interviewed on Today where Wise Men wisely avoid to speak.

mourningnmerica April 7, 2011 at 11:12 am

He's SECOND in Republican polls. A retarded narcissist getting support for President from the GOP faithful. What a shock. Who would'a thunk it?

Buckminster April 7, 2011 at 12:09 pm

Sheesh. These desperate Repubs would vote for a mop wrapped in a bathrobe if it was screaming "black man in the White House, take up guns now!"

Pithaughn April 7, 2011 at 12:34 pm

Hmm, I feel the same towards Trump right now as I did towards Reagan in 1979, ie this is the best the R's have? There is no telling who the R's will nominate. But we know it will be someone with lots and lots of corporate cash to fund propaganda of hate fear and lies.

Weenus299 April 7, 2011 at 11:12 am

You think Sam Spade is on it?

magnetite April 7, 2011 at 11:13 am

Donald: "Got dimes?"
Detective: "Fuck off, grandad."

memzilla April 7, 2011 at 11:13 am

In the Great Card Game of Life, A**holes are Trump.

smokefilledroommate April 7, 2011 at 11:13 am

Does this mean Iraq now has balls?

Preferred Customer April 7, 2011 at 11:14 am

If Perot was the tragedy, this guy clearly is the farce.

baconzgood April 7, 2011 at 11:14 am

"…I don’t believe in foot soldiers…But I do believe in airplanes…"

That strategy worked for Goring against England didn't it?

Chet Kincaid April 7, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Formal Violation. s/b:
You know who ELSE believed in bombing England instead of sending in foot soldiers?!

Limeylizzie April 7, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Darling, they are playing our song

Chet Kincaid April 7, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Would you answer to Isabella, brave and lusty brigade leader in the Resistenza Partigiana? I could go for some Italian.

Limeylizzie April 7, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Si. You are very handsome soldier, I will hide you in my cave.

tcaalaw April 8, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Kaiser Wilhelm II and the Imperial German High Command?

andnowyoudont April 7, 2011 at 7:18 pm

Infantry, queen of battle. He's lost the Army on this one.

Steverino247 April 7, 2011 at 11:15 am

How does this idiot dress himself in the morning?

SorosBot April 7, 2011 at 11:40 am

How do you know he does, instead of having one of his mistresses (read: prostitutes who only sell themselves to one wealthy man) dress him?

Weenus299 April 7, 2011 at 11:52 am

With the most expensive cheap-ass suits in Manhattan.

Crank_Tango April 7, 2011 at 12:08 pm

One toupé at a time, just like any other man.

Steverino247 April 7, 2011 at 2:37 pm

OK. Got it. But then, how does he walk and breathe at the same time once he's dressed you smarty-pants commenters?

zhubajie April 8, 2011 at 10:46 am

Probably he has servants pull it all onto his body, after they lick him clean.

SorosBot April 7, 2011 at 11:16 am

There's no one more militaristic than Trump, who went to a military high school, yet strangely his bio has no mention of any actual military service, despite the fact that he prime draft age during the Vietnam war. Hmm…

weejee April 7, 2011 at 11:21 am

Ch-ch-chickenhawks are most definitely not an endangered species. A dangerous species yes, but endangered most assuredly not as they clearly outnumber vets.

prommie April 7, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Military high schools are where rich families send their unruly, rapey-druggy asshole shit for brains kids. The places advertise in the New York Times Sunday Magazine, after they get kicked out of Andover or even, god forbid, The Hun School for wrecking some young Saudi shithead's Ferrari and raping local girls , there are places like Valley Forge Military Academy, babysitting rich young criminals for over 100 years.

weejee April 7, 2011 at 11:16 am

we have de-neutered Iraq

And 'cause of that the Donald feelz we gotta squirmish Iran before Iran squirmishs Iraq? How many hairballz does this guy have between his ears?

under_score April 7, 2011 at 11:16 am

I'm just a bill, missing hospital bill, there's a usurper out near Capitol Hill…

hagajim April 7, 2011 at 11:17 am

Trump has never released the billing records from his birth

That's because he was born in Jamaica and his parents paid with two chickens, a pigfucker (The Donald) and a giant bag of the best Jamaican weed mon.

DaRooster April 7, 2011 at 11:17 am

"…because we have de-neutered Iraq…"

So we gave 'em balls? Not a good idea…

Frost/Nixon/Robocop April 7, 2011 at 11:18 am

Fuck birth certificates, why isn't someone trying to figure out where Donald Trump is getting his money from? He lost money INVESTING IN A CASINO!!!!!!

fartknocker April 7, 2011 at 11:20 am

Donald Trump sounds a lot like Donald Rumsfeld when it comes to military OPS. Rummy kept pontificating that it was our supper-dupper weapon systems that would made us invincible in Iraq. We know how that worked out…

Trump is a ignorant, dangerous, egotistical asshole. And as fellow Wonketter correctly asked: "How do you bankrupt a casino?"

OneDollarJuana April 7, 2011 at 12:03 pm

Donald Trumpsfeld. Or is it Rumps-felt?

andnowyoudont April 7, 2011 at 7:22 pm

The Anonymous are nothing till they take the money.

zhubajie April 8, 2011 at 10:49 am

By letting employees steal? By stealing too much yourself?

Barbara_i April 7, 2011 at 11:21 am

The man has his own line of spring water, Trump Ice:
Trump Ice spring water is one of the purest natural spring waters bottled in the world. It is tested continually to confirm its purity and bottled at the source in a modern facility to ensure that purity is maintained. Try its refreshing taste and you will agree—the
difference is clear.

Great, if this clown is elected I won't have to try to swallow my cyanide pill dry.

freakishlywrong April 7, 2011 at 11:21 am

On Mornin' Blow today Ed Rendell and Donnie Douche told him how much they loved him and how great he was, but….and then he went on a ten minute rant about how Obamar was born in Kenya and was snuck in to the U.S. and that his grand parents placed the birth announcement. Mouths were agape and lots of nervous laughter ensued; thank goodness Pat Buckkka got his back and said he'd like to see what's ON the birf certificate. Good times!

SorosBot April 7, 2011 at 11:38 am

Goddammit, I miss having Rendell as Governor.

DaRooster April 7, 2011 at 11:22 am

"Oh, by the way, I’m much more militaristic than Obama."

Do you think THAT will help you with the Repugnants? Did you not see they tried to attack him for attacking Lybia? What's that… he's Brown? Oh, OK then.

JoshuaNorton April 7, 2011 at 11:23 am

It's hard to take someone seriously when all you can do is stare at their hair and think 'you're kidding, right?".

fuflans April 7, 2011 at 11:23 am

"Well, nothing’s simple. Because I don’t believe in foot soldiers…But I do believe in airplanes that are 50,000 feet up. And when we see through intelligence what’s going on, knock the hell out. Oh, by the way, I’m much more militaristic than Obama."

how do you even mock that?

x111e7thst April 7, 2011 at 11:31 am

You say the guy must have a really tiny penis. Which is self evident.

Dr_Zoidberg April 7, 2011 at 11:24 am

My Republican dream ticket is Palin/Trump. Obama won't even have to campaign to get re-elected.

XOhioan April 7, 2011 at 11:28 am

You beat me to it. These two belong together, somehow.

genxr April 7, 2011 at 11:54 am

All Obama has to do is show up to the debates and spend his entire time allotment laughing. And I mean the entire time, argument and rebuttal, a full five seconds past the red light, incurring a time warning because he can't stop laughing.

__kth__ April 7, 2011 at 12:37 pm

I'm thinking something like when James Brown used to close with "Please, Please, Please", and would stage-keel over, and then one or two of the Famous Flames would try to help him to his feet, and JB would reject their help and belt out another verse.

So Obama would be all laughing so hard he was croaking, and then, "ok [serious face], I'm OK now, I've got it together", only to bust out in guffaws anew.

Dr_Zoidberg April 7, 2011 at 12:38 pm

You made me laugh out loud. Now my employees are looking at me funny…

[redacted]hse April 7, 2011 at 5:07 pm

And if Palin/Trump win we can, at least, die laughing.

fuflans April 7, 2011 at 11:25 am

also: i am officially bored with donald now.

next wingnut please.

Ducksworthy April 7, 2011 at 11:25 am

So if I pretend to be a drooling hebephrenic idiot, but rich, I canz be on the today show? I mean pretending all around. This is not a serious place, despite the triple front war on the browns.

mourningnmerica April 7, 2011 at 11:25 am

He is so clearly emotionally disturbed… Michele Bachmann seems centered compared to this poor bastard.

The only example I can think of to rival him among GOP candidates is, well, Newt Gingrich. Christ, maybe Mittens isn't so bad, after all. At least he's… sane, as far as I can tell.

Ducksworthy April 7, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Sane while practicing Mormonism. Tough, but perhaps doable.

zhubajie April 8, 2011 at 10:52 am

Well, sane compared with all the other extraordinary loons.

jus_wonderin April 7, 2011 at 11:26 am

HOW LONG ARE WE GOING TO CONTINUE TO HEAR THIS SHIT???!!!

Dr_Zoidberg April 7, 2011 at 11:33 am

As long as there's a mentally unstable Republican't/TeaBagger alive.

So….a long time, then.

OneDollarJuana April 7, 2011 at 12:11 pm

You will hear this shit until things get so bad that the public wakes up and votes in mature, reasonable legislators who restore public control over the public airwaves, restore fiscal sanity and control over Wall Street, and most importantly, finally enshrines in our Constitution the obvious fact that corporations are not persons.

Or until WW3, when it all goes away anyhow.

genxr April 7, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Until President The Donald de-neuters the entire mideast and send the world to hell. Then, instead of hearing this, you'll hear things like, "Get away from that water. That's my water" and "I heard there's a stash of hobo beans in the abandoned warehouse, but it's guarded by The Lord Humungous and his post-apocalypse minions."

XOhioan April 7, 2011 at 11:27 am

Dear god please a debate between Palin and Trump.

Dr_Zoidberg April 7, 2011 at 11:34 am

Yeah, but wouldn't that much suck concentrated in one place be like dividing by zero? You know, world-ending, or something?

SayItWithWookies April 7, 2011 at 11:28 am

Not only does this man's personal belief system seem to come from the National Enquirer, but he can't even complete a freakin' sentence. I've worked for executives like this, who speak in this sweeping shorthand babble, and it must be assiduously translated from their bullshit into a detailed description of reality. Frequently this can't be done without making a huge number of guesses or assumptions about what he wants, because he doesn't have a sufficiently clear grasp of the facts to express it himself. It's sort of the know-nothing executive's self-corralling mental block. And I fervently believe that it's extremely dangerous for someone in charge of weapons to have this defect. Also he thinks he's some sort of genius, which clearly means he has an aversion to evidence.

ManchuCandidate April 7, 2011 at 11:38 am

He was born rich. Facts are for little people.

genxr April 7, 2011 at 12:04 pm

He has tiger blood and dollar-sign DNA.

Buckminster April 7, 2011 at 12:12 pm

Rich ignoramuses are God's chosen people, doncha know.

SorosBot April 7, 2011 at 11:28 am

Psst, Donald; you don't need to waste all that money to find Obama's birth certificate, just use Google, he released it on the internet back in 2008. There, now your search is much easier, and don't you feel silly!

weejee April 7, 2011 at 11:32 am

'zactly, here

Gleem_McShineys April 7, 2011 at 3:31 pm

and don't you feel silly

The man goes on teevee with an electrocuted chinchilla corpse on his head. Look, when the man virtually drinks gallon drums of industrial strength ridiculous for breakfast, it's pretty clear he can no longer even feel silly from something so mild as simply being proven absolutely fucking wrong.

Mumbletypeg April 7, 2011 at 11:29 am

So the Trump next will declare — and personally finance — his own war on Hawaii? Or will he settle for stripping her of her grass-skirts and stand naked in her solitary-confinement cell in retaliation for *not* leaking urgently-needed documents of information?

Surely — when I was about the age of the kids in the above photo — our neighborhood game "I Declar War" made better sense than what's undertaken by this century's leagues of nitwits'.

XOhioan April 7, 2011 at 11:30 am

Apparently teabaggers are harassing the shit out of the poor staff at Kapi'olani Medical Center because harassing the shit out of people is the only type of political activism they know how to do.

SilverTsunami April 7, 2011 at 11:56 am

The staffers don't have anything else to do, for heaven's sake. It's not like they work at a hospital or something.

Crank_Tango April 7, 2011 at 11:37 am

Well at least now I understand why Barry is content to let these assholes go on and on and on about the birth certificate. It is the best GOP crazy litmus test there is.

Also, "The Donald," by focusing on this guy's birth certificate, you are tacitly implying that that is the only reason Obama shouldn't be president. Like, that's all you have to throw at him. (psst he's also black, you can try that too).

Also, also, also, his mom was an american lady, you stupid fuck, so even if he was born in space, he would still be a fucking natural born citizen.

PS Hi Kockbutt, hope you're having fun in the trailer, watching soaps today.

Ducksworthy April 7, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Crank,

The birf certicate is brought up over and over to remind those of who don't care that he is black, without enunciating the N word. It is a racist strategy. Shorthand for blackniggerkenyansocioislmaist. Which as too many syllables and is, in any case, offensive to normal people.

Allmighty_Manos April 7, 2011 at 11:39 am

Considering Trump is doing well among GOP primary voters through his sheer vulgarity, I declare him their fucking problem and take no responsibility as an American for this man.

SheriffRoscoe April 7, 2011 at 11:41 am

Hillary Clinton is banging her head against the desk right now, wondering why she didn't think of a way to disqualify Obummer from being president.

imissopus April 7, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Or maybe just because Bill's visiting her office.

thefrontpage April 7, 2011 at 11:44 am

This is the truth: Donald Trump is not a U.S. citizen. There is no legal evidence of his birth certificate. He was actually born in Kenya. His parents were both militant facist Kenyan Muslim Islamic terrorists who worked to kill people. Trump is actually a Kenyan Muslim Islamic terrorist whose goals are to destroy democracy, the West, the United States, the United States government, all of the people in the United States, Israel, and anyone who supports democracy, freedom, and the United States and Israel. Donald Trump is an illegal alien. Donald Trump is a farce. Donald Trump is a Kenyan Muslim terrorist.

Ducksworthy April 7, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Ah. All that bleach. That explains a lot.

[redacted]hse April 7, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Donald Trump masturbated with a crucifix, also.

weejee April 7, 2011 at 11:44 am

OT

The GOPeely C'Addle Timez is giving high viz to an article that says if Ryan's 2012 Budget were to get passed, that seniors would take it right up the ass. Problem is most oldes aren't Wonketteers so it is doubtful they will do enough Crispy Creme pushaways to be able to get out of their Hoverounds to do a couple of push-ups and get the systolic under 180.

Jerri April 7, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Because you want to piss off the demographic group that consistently votes in the biggest numbers. Oh, that's right, the AARP are a bunch of thugs now, since they supported the health care bill.

Have fun in the wilderness, GOP. I understand you've been there before, no?

Ducksworthy April 7, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Ryan is their Moses. Remember it was Moses who led the Joos into the wilderness, had them wander around for 40 years, and then died. Let's hope for the same for this Wisconsin Kochsucker.

SorosBot April 7, 2011 at 12:41 pm

It's also fairly ironic, since the main way all of the new GOP Congressmen won in November was by scaring the old people with lies that health reform was going to destroy their medicare; yet of course it's the Republicans who really do want to destroy it.

FlownOver April 7, 2011 at 11:45 am

Semi-OT-ic:

I'd like to thank all the little people who helped make my Hundredth Pee possible. You're all invited to a little gathering to celebrate this milestone, just as soon as I get this week's check from **********. (Gotta be discreet, but I can tell you it's postmarked Wichita.)

kissawookiee April 7, 2011 at 11:58 am

I got my hundredth pee a month ago, and KochBot's been whittling away at it since then.

[redacted]hse April 7, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Yeah. I had EIGHT hundred.

kissawookiee April 7, 2011 at 5:19 pm

I actually had 50,000. One for each foot of militaristic de-neutering altitude my planes fly at.

johnnymeatworth April 7, 2011 at 11:46 am

Since there's no one more militaristic than Trump, maybe he'll start "discharging" people from Celebrity Apprentice instead of firing them.

mercianomad April 7, 2011 at 11:47 am

Donald Trump: Proof positive that nearly limitless money and power still won't necessarily buy you any class, taste, knowledge, or sophistication.

baconzgood April 7, 2011 at 11:48 am

You know who else was militaristic with out being in the armed forces….

SheriffRoscoe April 7, 2011 at 11:50 am

Hirohito?

SorosBot April 7, 2011 at 11:55 am

Skynet?

kissawookiee April 7, 2011 at 11:59 am

Colonel Sanders?

mereoblivion April 7, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Captain Dudley Smith?

weejee April 7, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Rupert Murderingkochsucker?

SorosBot April 7, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Cleopatra?

baconzgood April 7, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Dick Sargent?

GOPCrusher April 7, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Dick Cheney?

jus_wonderin April 7, 2011 at 1:12 pm

Charley Tuna?

undeterredbyreality April 7, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Milli Vanilli?

trampndirtdown April 7, 2011 at 11:15 pm

John Wayne?

zhubajie April 8, 2011 at 10:56 am

The whole Republican Party, USA?

widestanceroman April 7, 2011 at 11:49 am

Before I cast judgment on this bloated roadkill-crested buzzard, I need to know:

Does the carpet match the drapes or what?

It's an evil question, but fitting, since this is my IntenseDebate 666th comment.

kissawookiee April 7, 2011 at 11:59 am

It does–but Down There it's a woody-grain tattoo.

genxr April 7, 2011 at 11:50 am

Why shouldn't we send the poors off to fight and de-neuter people? The rich already pay most of the taxes. It's not fair it's not fair it's not fair! (stomps feet)

EatsBabyDingos April 7, 2011 at 11:50 am

Trump is so manly he gots three penises.

bflrtsplk April 7, 2011 at 12:20 pm

And none of 'em work.

undeterredbyreality April 7, 2011 at 11:50 am

"Whether it’s oil or gold or whatever. You take over the country."

Foreign Policy for Dummies.

Weenus299 April 7, 2011 at 11:53 am

What are we going to do to Iran? Deflower it?

mrblifil April 7, 2011 at 12:15 pm

Well we know Iraq has certainly been defenestrated.

mereoblivion April 7, 2011 at 12:31 pm

De-neuter dictators
'Cause we're masturbators

weejee April 7, 2011 at 12:40 pm

When the Vietnam era chickenhawks were asked how they avoided service they mumble a lot but gets down to "I ran."

Now that their bellies have sagged and their hair has fallen out they take the space out of "I ran" and become Iran studs. To celebrate their new found bravery lets put a couple of studs in their collective dicks.

mavenmaven April 7, 2011 at 11:53 am

IN fact, his military strategy is to build big Trump Towers over every bad country, upon which his warplanes can land and thus deneuter the bads.
As an added benefit, there will be food courts inside!

randcoolcatdaddy April 7, 2011 at 11:53 am

Wow … I never thought we'd have another rich guy more eccentric and deluded than Howard Hughes. We can only hope Trump eventually retreats to one of his towers to watch "Ice Station Zebra" over and over again….

BZ1 April 7, 2011 at 12:01 pm

For a while, Hughes actually wasn't a blight on civilization, now the Donald…

ShaveTheWhales April 7, 2011 at 8:39 pm

Yeah, quite a bit back in the day, Howard was at least an interesting rich motherfucker.

SilverTsunami April 7, 2011 at 11:54 am

I think the birth certificate is hiding behind an umbrella in one of those festive drinks. Send me to Hawaii and I promise I'll make an inspection of those, and the beaches, too, just to be really thorough.

SheriffRoscoe April 7, 2011 at 11:56 am

Parents of 15, 16 and 17 year-old boys are eagerly awaiting the arrival of our next ultra-militaristic president, amirite?

[redacted]hse April 7, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Jobs!

kissawookiee April 7, 2011 at 11:57 am

Easier than finding his wang, since that would take two hands AND a microscope.

neiltheblaze April 7, 2011 at 12:02 pm

He needs a pair of tweezers for fapping.

jus_wonderin April 7, 2011 at 11:58 am

Donald's Brain is the Amelia Earhart of the present age.

BZ1 April 7, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Don't disparage the Earhart, she might still be alive, not likely that the Donald's brain cells are…

Hatrabbit April 7, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Obama's birth certificate is currently circling 50,000 feet above Trump's creepy militaristic hairdo.

Crank_Tango April 7, 2011 at 12:23 pm

I think that is the secret to the hair too–one strand flown of nylon around in circles over and over –it's called the Holding Pattern.

MistaEko April 7, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Send Trucknutz to a deneutered Iraq. Vote Republican in 2012.

Poindexter718 April 7, 2011 at 12:14 pm

Trump's vital documents are most likely sealed in Delaware bankruptcy court.

SheriffRoscoe April 7, 2011 at 12:16 pm

American bombers can win wars from the safety and convenience of high, 50,000-foot altitude. Today, my visit to Wonkette has resulted in the learning of this incredible fact.

Crank_Tango April 7, 2011 at 12:24 pm

Worked in Vietnam, didn't it?

mrblifil April 7, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Finally a Mommy who will bitchsmack La Donald into some semblance of humility, or as close as his particular brand of autism will admit. Her name? REALITY.

BlueStateLibel April 7, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Psst, Donald, I have a genuine NY State Birth Certificate. It looks absolutely NOTHING like that thing you're trying to pass off. I'll assume then you were born in Scotland, and aren't even eligible to run for president.

JustPixelz April 7, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Trump also says: "I love this country. But, this country is going to hell.

Is there nothing we can do to make America's billionaires happy?

Note to Trump: You live in the United States of America. Even with its flaws, it's greatest nation in the world. By far. You are not in hell or even on the road to hell. So fuck you.

mrblifil April 7, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Mr. Sad Downfisty McMicropenis certainly seems to love him some Donald.

Terry April 7, 2011 at 12:23 pm

I have a strange feeling that Trump might have hired Dog the Bounty Hunter to find the birth certificate.

I can save them all some time: http://msgboard.snopes.com/politics/graphics/birt

Ducksworthy April 7, 2011 at 12:31 pm

I keep trying to think of something to compare this creature to and all I can come up with is an extraterrestrial blancmange.

Limeylizzie April 7, 2011 at 2:53 pm

Mmmmm blancmange is delicious, especially the pink kind.

Ducksworthy April 7, 2011 at 12:38 pm

I don't know about you but a 6 figure salary and room and board in Hawaii for a year and I could be talking shit I didn't believe too.

DahBoner April 7, 2011 at 12:42 pm

MEREDITH VIEIRA:
You have people now out there searching– I mean, in Hawaii?

DONALD TRUMP:
Absolutely. And they cannot believe what they’re finding. And I’m serious–

MAUI WOWIE IS $475 A FUCKING OUNCE??? WE CANNOT BELIEVE IT…

[redacted]hse April 7, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Donald- please send money.

Wilcoxyz April 7, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Trump plane-diplomacy doctrine: You're fired upon.

Guppy06 April 7, 2011 at 12:56 pm

"And they cannot believe what they’re finding."

"Shooting ranges in shopping malls?"

"How can any mortal consume that much spam?"

"Everyone keeps calling me 'haole.' What kind of weird Spanish is that?"

"I've never seen so much Japanese tail in my life!"

ThankYouJeebus April 7, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Puffy short fingers are a medical warning sign of douche-baggery.

thelastrefuge April 7, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Anyone see Trump being roasted on comedy Central last month. I can just imagine some of the attack ads being used if Trump should actually run for Prez. I almost missed this little Ditty from Cspan last week by Larry Wilmore of the daily show.
Congressional Correspondents Dinner Presentation (cspan)
Comedian, actor and Daily Show correspondent Larry Wilmore provided the entertainment. The 67th annual dinner was the first to be called the Congressional Correspondents' Dinner. http://www.tvnportal.com/videos/301436-congressio

Chet Kincaid April 7, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Alaskunt/Short Fingered Vulgarian 2012

andnowyoudont April 7, 2011 at 7:47 pm

Short fingered vagnarian

BklynIlluminati April 7, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Trump is the type of douche who would use the nuke football to score points with babes to get laid.

philpjfry April 7, 2011 at 2:56 pm

This must be joke right? I mean nobody can be that stupid can they? and people are honestly talking about making this pile of walking idiocy president? Is being a moron a requirement for being a republican? I guess it is. ahhh I made myself sad.

Gleem_McShineys April 7, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Bad news folks: that is NOT a finger.

Soylent Green April 7, 2011 at 3:22 pm

I'd rather see the proof as to why they don't believe he's american. They only need to provide their racism.

Steverino247 April 7, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Not to mention rebounds, shots on goal, saves, RBI's, what position you played if you're ever asked twice by a VA politician…

deanbooth April 7, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Can you imagine if the news media gave Pat Paulsen serious interviews about becoming president in the 60s & 70s? It's unbelievable how vapid these people are.

Ducksworthy April 7, 2011 at 5:17 pm

I think you're on to something. A new comedian, maybe Dave Chappelle could be RepublicanPresidentialCandidateMan and just spout all the insane thoughts these people have expressed.

andnowyoudont April 7, 2011 at 7:09 pm

Yea! Seems I remenber being taught that using inappropriate weapons (ie. attack helicopters (intended for use against tank formations in the open) against a gaggle of reporters on a city street was kind of a war crime (but only if the Rooskies did it)

andnowyoudont April 7, 2011 at 7:29 pm

I enlisted in 1970. First intelligence test I ever flunked. Everybody else in my unit was drafted . They were dragged in kicking amd screaning. Every one of them stands head and shoulders above the Trump.

comrad_darkness April 7, 2011 at 9:44 pm

Trump Palin isn't just the next kid she squeezes out, but a presidential ticket?

trampndirtdown April 7, 2011 at 11:16 pm

Jack thanks for the screen shot, I loved Carmen San Diego, wish they would remake it.

zhubajie April 8, 2011 at 10:44 am

Palin!

zhubajie April 8, 2011 at 10:45 am

Evolution?

Chet Kincaid April 7, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Grazie! After dark, you could help me find my unit. It feels like I've been cut off for an eternity!

Limeylizzie April 7, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Of course, it will take many days , I fear, as the Germans are all around here, we will find some way to pass the time until it is safe to leave.

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