- Good news, everybody! Offensive joke Donald Trump is almost done sucking the last few drops of marrow out of our already-rotting political process. What did he do this time, “open his mouth”? Yes, precisely. During a teevee interview which will air today, Donald chortled, “I will be better than anybody. I will do the best job. If I decide to run, I will do the best job. I will be best for this country.” Not missing a beat, he added: “And, you may say, ‘Oh, gee, that doesn’t sound like George Washington.’ Well, guess what? Before George Washington ran, he didn’t sound like George Washington either.” Someone please blow the timeout/rape whistle! What are you talking about, Donald Trump? The latest NBC/Wall Street Journal poll has Donald as the Tea Bagger favorite in 2012, making him the new billionaire pin-up girl for Angry White America. It figures, since he speaks fluent horseshit. [WaPo/The Hill]
- “Harvard University professor Gary King found that senators spend about 27% of the time just taunting each other.” That only leaves 73% of the day for raising money and peeing/pooping! [Political Wire]
- The EPA is considering a new policy which would “dramatically increase permissible radioactive releases in drinking water, food and soil after radiological incidents.” What a strange and unexplainable coincidence! In other news, a giant radioactive rain cloud is heading straight for South Korea. [PEER]
{ 161 comments }
"I Will Be Better Than Anybody"
Anybody will be better than I
FIXED
Except, Trump would never, ever, know to use the subjective case. He would try to sound smart by annoucing, "Anybody will be better than myself." You give yourself away, bacon, with your use of proper grammar. You are a wonkeratti to the core.
Trump is the Ross Perot of our time — stupider and now with even more horse shit!
Maybe but will he have charts?
That would be putting the chart before the horseshit.
and less charm. The one thing…the ONLY thing Rush ever said that I agreed with was that Perot was a "hand grenade with a bad haircut".
Whereas Trump is more like an large orange sandbag with a bad case of combover.
Perot actually ran successful businesses, unlike Trump.
Terry: So true! If we had listened to what he had to say – we'd be much better off today. Same for President Jimmy Carter. Both these gentlemen stood up and pointed out serious flaws in our economy – including spending too much and too much debt.
On a more basic level, they both tried to discuss real issues and not just politics.
In Mr. Perot's case, particularly when he talked about the loss of good middle-class manufacturing jobs. I'm not saying we should have elected him President. Just that when it came to finance, he tried to have an adult conversation in a room full of children.
But like Trump, his so-called success was based on taking unfair advantage of government programs – in Perot's case, by re-selling government surplus, in Trump's by using bankruptcy filings like toilet paper.
Perot also created EDS, which was a successful company until GM bought it and ran it down over a period of years. GM then sold it to HP, who fired all the American programmers, of course, kept the contracts and subcontracted the work to India.
Terry: Particularly interesting because Mr. Perot made a point of hiring ex-US Military personnel.
Is Donald trying to upstage his own hair ?
No possible…his hair will be his running mate.
All this "I am the best" talk is making his hairpiece depressed.
It just wants to lie in bed and eat Fig Newtons…
Stewart Smalley?
"I Will Be Better Than Anybody"
Trump/Sheen 2012!
"Come for the money, stay for the drugs and hookers!"
Trump / Meat Loaf?
A meatloaf. Not the musician. Busey for Secretary of State.
Not for nothing, but Mr. Trump is not only fluent in horseshit, he also has some familiarity with French, Russian, Italian, and Creamy Italian.
which country speaks Ranch and it's offshoot dialect, Bacon Ranch?
No, let Charlie finally find his way to rehab.
I think it should be Trump/Palin or Palin/Trump.
Trump/Bachmann 2012! Bullshit and Batshit!
Trump/Bender (the Robot) 2012. Of course Bender would have to travel back in time 988 years, but it would be worth it.
Kiss my shiny metal ass/wood-grained forehead, America!
I'd actually consider voting for someone honest enough to use that as their campaign slogan.
I for one, think the Donald is a perfect candidate for the Repulicunts. Thrice married, thrice bankrupt, arrogant, disillusioned vulgarian. Perfect.
OT/ who does a bitch have to blow around here to move that fucking pee a point. Holy shit, I've been at this pee for weeks!
Exactly how does one bankrupt a casino? Statistics say it can't be done, yet the Donald finds a way. Now that is a real talent.
Put an oversized vulgarity of a hotel/sucking hole next to it, and it is surprisingly easy. Especially if it was all built on highly leveraged junk bonds.
It's seems to me logarithmic. The higher you go the harder it gets.
I tell my woman that all the time.
Math is fun!
How about merging our two pees and see what develops?
I have it on very good authority that you're never supposed to cross the streams.
Wow, how did you get your p score?
I didn't know they did that, your scarring me.
Me.
First, I love you like a freakishly wrong brother, baby, but griping about your puny 112p is like Trump complaining about his marginal tax rate.
Second, everyone should know that in the IntenseDebate economy, downthumbs only lower the vote count by one, but they are weighted much more heavily in the pee algorithm than upthumbs. So by posting a lot and giving the trolls more opportunities to vent their repressed homosexual rage by downfisting you, you end up treading water, or worse.
I wish I could upfist you based on your avatar. Isn't that my man Weiner when he was but a weenie?
Yes. A mere Vienna sausage.
Indeed, I remember the heady days of having a perfect 100p. But then the blue meanies started taking notice and took me down a notch. So yeah, good luck getting past 112p, my freakishlywrong friend.
If I were like a certain woman of my acquaintance, I'd downfist you for neediness. But I'm not, so here's one up to ya!
"disillusioned vulgarian"
You just described everyone here.
This must be the comity John McCain is always bawling about right before the Lord of the Sith tells you to go fuck yourself.
I really can’t see this guy running. Imagine Trump having to shake common people’s hands. His assistant will be following him with an industrial size drum of money scented hand sanitizer.
It will be like that video of W wiping his hand on Clinton's back in Haiti.
http://mashable.com/2010/03/25/bush-wipes-hand-on...
The Donald has people who shake hands for him. Their hands are dry, firm, and crushingly strong. The Donald will talk to cameras, any camera, while his people work the crowd.
"His assistant will be following him with an industrial size drum of money scented hand sanitizer."
would that be a solution of cocaine and gin?
@"Well, guess what? Before George Washington ran, he didn’t sound like George Washington either.”
Yep Donald, that whole Farewell to the Troops address Geo. Washington gave before heading off to become president–pure shite.
George didn't run for office, he was dragged into the presidency kicking and screaming like a little three-year old mid-tantrum. More or less.
Trump must read the same books Palin reads.
True. And, as Rep. Bachmann noted, he did devote the balance of his life to abolishing slavery.
And growing hemp.
Baby farmer/hemp farmer. Big ol' wooden teeth … I'm afraid she's got Trump beat on Washington attributes
“Harvard University professor Gary King found that senators spend about 27% of the time just taunting each other.”
They really DO reflect the will of the people!
Am I the only one who thought those numbers were just about right? I am thrilled when the next mayor of my beloved NYC, Anthony Weiner, taunts people.
I love me some Weiner..we need about 100 more of him.
He can be mayor as long as he promises to keep going on Faux and fighting with Megyn Kelly. The stupid cow.
Tweety said one true thing about Wiener (whom I also adore): he's never really run in an election. His Brooklyn pocket borough gives him the ability to zing at will.
True, but I think he would do just fine in an election, I hope he does run I think he would be terrific. Plus he has that beautiful Musliny wife, just a winning combo.
Just walking down the street in NYC gives him all the zinging ability he needs!
Tough, (but wonderful), town.
The same is sometimes said to be true of my beloved Jim McDermott, of Seattle proper (w/no overlap from the pesky monied suburbs). I don't think he's ever won by less than about 75%, and I don't think I've ever seen a campaign ad for him. (Yard signs, maybe.)
So he can do things like be Baghdad Jim, and actually propose (in words, with his mouth, for realz) impeaching President Bush, and other stuff like that.
Plus, he's a really nice guy. And my hero.
In all fairness to Donster. I don't sound like me alot. EXP:
"Baconz, you told me you wouldn't get blitzed at the party last night"
"Hmmmm. That doesn't sound like somthing I'd say"
or…Hey baby…I don't drink any more. I also don't drink any less.
it's not my fault. i was drunk.
This will go as well as Trump's first two marriages and his Atlantic City Casinos.
Manchu, you are such an pessimist. This will top (bottom?) those efforts by half.
An ego as large as Trumps must constantly find bigger things to bankrupt.
What kind of moron loses money owning a casino?
First class?
At least the radioactive cloud isn't headed for our ally North Korea.
Would they notice?
Guess what? Before George Washington ran, he didn’t sound like George Washington either
Oh Donald, there you go again mixing your metaphors. I think you meant, "If George Washington cuts down a cherry tree in the forest, but no one is around, what is the sound of one Trump fapping?"
How many casinos did George Washington bankrupt?
Even George made a profit on selling land to the Federal government for DC.
And he made some damn fine whiskey, using slave labor. Although the latter wasn't evil back then.
Well, there weren't any left, so ………all of them
Trump has gone full birther. http://thepage.time.com/2011/04/06/trump%E2%80%99...
Nay, The Donald has gone beyond full birther. He's gone… After-Birther!
Full Nutter. This is must-read material. Thanks, M. le Grumpe
On the other hand, Donald is a prolific breeder.
So, basically, if we can't stop a dirty bomb attack, we'll make it so that we don't get as officially excited about the results.
Well it makes sense since that also seems to be the policy to improve the education system.
You know who else is better than anybody?
Horatio Alger?
John Shaft?
The Karate Kid, who's the best around, nothing's ever gonna keep him down?
Nobody?
This kid:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_QYIuQBhZU
Hey, radioactive water would be great; you could get up to get a glass in the middle of the night and not have to turn the light on.
energy efficiency!!!
@the EPA's armed goons: take that!
And when you take a leak, it would be like having a lightsabre betwixt your legs, just add sound efx.
In high school I was the best swimmer among guys who couldn't swim. That sums up Donald Trump run for president
Fastest swimmer in the retard lane.
Best outcome: Trump runs as a Libertarian. They'd love to have him (their best candidate now is a fuckin radio personality from Vegas) because they'll do anything for publicity, and they're already on the ballot. The GOP gets the Kansas City Shuffle when the wingnuts swerve hard right, and only the Quiverfull Bible Homeschool Jubilee is voting for them…
What is with all these Washington references the Donald is making? Trump has faux hair like Washington's powdered wig. Does the Donald also have wooden teeth? That might explain all his methaphorical splintering of coherent thought.
Woodgrain scalp, wooden teeth
Tomato, tomahto
Nobody does it better
Makes me feel sad for the rest
Nobody does FAIL half as good as you
Donald, you're the "best"
I wasn't lookin' but somehow you found me
I tried to hide from your hair weave(?)
But the teabagger within me
The FAIL who charmed me
Is panderin to all my stupid thoughts tonight
And nobody does it better
Though sometimes I wish someone could
Nobody does FAIL quite the way you do
Why'd you have to be so "good"?
I'm picking you up the way to Canada in my jalopy, right?
Cool…so we're still on for that. I can't wait
Yes, Washington didn't sound like Washington before he ran… BECAUSE HE WAS THE ONLY PRESIDENT WHO DIDN'T RUN, HE WAS MORE OR LESS ACCLAIMED INTO THE JOB!!!!!!
That only leaves 73% of the day for raising money and peeing/pooping!
Hey, leave David Vitter out of this.
Oh, I don't know. Depends.
"Guess what? Before George Washington ran, he didn’t sound like George Washington either."
He's got the wrong George – he's the George W Bush of our time, without the charm or eloquence. To wit: Squandered money/ opportunities from his father, drove seeming cash-cow businesses into the ground, has high opinion of self despite no discernible talent, makes normal civilized people's skin crawl …
Hammer Time
Let's have the Donald in the race. Then the media can waste time on the private life of Ivanka.
See – all this time I thought he spoke fluent gibberish. He must be bi-ignorant.
Donald "the Hair" Trump can blow me and tell me the flavor. It will cost him $20.
"I will be better than anybody" he trumpeted, and then the nurse came to tell him that it was time for his Thorazine and some nice applesauce and if he was good they'd let him use the "tanning bed" again.
Can somebody dig up the footage of him wrestling Vince McMahon? We need to see how Trump will restore dignity to the office of President.
Gee I wonder how Donald makes out if daddy doesn't leave him a fortune in NYC real estate. I think he would be a used car salesman.
You know, it couldn't have been easy to fuck that up and go bankrupt. Not everybody could do it.
A BAD used car salesman.
Hooray for Tigra and Bunny.
I see the future; a Trump-Palin ticket, a Trump-Palin affair, they are elected, divorced, married, Sarah Palin becomes the first simlutaneous first-lady-Vice President who becomes President the day after Trump's inauguration, when he dies from an inauguration-ball simultaneous cocaine-Grey Goose-hooker overdose. Then comes the rapture.
You mean the Rupture, where the earth opens up and swallows everybody!
"where the earth opens up and swallows everybody!"
the Earth gets around more than Bristol Palin. *rimshot*
voting for donald trump would be like voting for a very pink dalek.
i wonder if there is a drink called a Sonic Screwdriver.
O/T, but Wonkette really needs to get on top of this Bobby TITcomb story. Perhaps they're holding off till they come up with the perfect headline…
I sent them the link last night and nothing yet?
The Donald as president would be awesome. I'd totally tune in for The Apprentice: Cabinent Appointment Edition.
"I Will Be Better Than Anybody" … so now Trump is taking campaign slogans from Alvin Greene?
Alvin Greene would be better that Trump!
He certainly seems to have an healthy, albeit undeserved, sense of self-worth.
One has only to say the words "Silvio Berlusconi" to be persuaded that this could totally happen.
Silvio has 10 times the class AND chutzpah of anyone in US politics!
No, the proper American analogy to Berlusconi would require allowing Rupert Murdock to run for president.
Now I understand why the TeaTards are so awful…all signs indicate that they look at the nineteen-fucking-eighties as the ideal reference point for American life. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go put some money down on shoulder-pad and velcro manufacturing firms.
May he be butt scuttled by a string of poloponies.
"In the second grade," Donald Trump once recalled, "I punched my music teacher." Why? "Because I didn't think he knew much about music."
Yeah, this man should have the nuke codes. Even as a child, he was a little asshole.
Big Asshole.
You can't become that loathsome overnight. It takes work!
Makes perfect sense to me. You know this dandy would never punch a P.E. Teacher; not in a million years.
Donald Trump dated Marla Maples, who appeared in C-list movie called Maximum Overdrive where she played the character "2nd Woman."
Just what America needs as a president: An overly egotistic asshole who is not only condescending but has orange hair and I suspect takes male enhancement pills because he's got a short dick and can't keep it up for more than a few faps.
This is the perfect asshole who shouldn't have any control of nuclear missle launch codes.
Shut the Fuck Up Donald Trump. I'm putting that on my Obama 2012 t-shirt.
Peace fellow Wonketters.
I think in TeaLand, tardiness is excused relative to media whoreness.
On a happier note: Pay no attention to those Big Pharma advertisements trying to convince you that you have "restless leg syndrome" and need to be put on a perpetual prescription to ease your chronic suffering. Turns out, there is a cheaper, and much more fun, way to deal with twitchiness: fapping, flogging the bishop, pulling the pud, beating the old meat, yup, masturbation cures the heartbreak of restless leg syndrome:
"Researchers say that for sufferers of the neurological disorder restless legs syndrome, a little self-pleasure could be just what the doctor ordered.
In a recent letter published by the medical journal Sleep Medicine, Luis Marin and colleagues at the Federal University of Sao Paulo, Brazil, report the case of a patient who, with masturbation and sexual intercourse, eased the symptoms of his RLS.
"The patient reported that he would get complete relief from RLS symptoms, granting him normal sleep following sexual intercourse or masturbation," the letter read."
Its good, sometimes, to be thankful for the rare item of good news, peoples.
An iron supplement helps too. I have to use those as a back up since I am also prone to RRPS (rubbed raw penis syndrome).
Instead of taunting each other 27% of the time, why don't the senators just shoot each other in duels? Isn't that the old-fashioned thing to do?
Elect all the senators' whores in their places!
Holy Crap–I just read the interview. Riley's stuff is just the tip o' the iceberg. The man's insane. And ignorant. And…just plain fucking insane!
DONALD TRUMP:
Let me just say something. There’s nobody more militaristic than me, but it’s also called attack the right target. Iran is going to take over Iraq, because we have de-neutered Iraq, you know that, in terms of their military. They’re gonna take them over very quickly as soon as we leave. If that’s gonna happen, they’re gonna take over the oil fields. The second biggest oil fields in the world. And if that’s gonna happen, I say we take over the oil fields…I would take over the oil fields, because otherwise, Iran is gonna take over the second biggest oil fields in the world. I would absolutely, without question, not leave that section of that country. I would take the oil. To the victor belong the spoils. You know, in the old days, you’d have a war. And you’d be in there. And you’d win. And you’d take over the country. Whether it’s oil or gold or whatever. You take over the country. http://thepage.time.com/2011/04/06/trump’s-...
Yeah. Unbelievable stuff. Just what we need as POTUS, a bomb-and-grab asshole. "Let there be war on Earth, and let it begin with meeeeeeeee!"
"de-neutered?"
you can make a man eunuch but not a eunuch a man?
Yeah, the whole interview is MASSIVELY CRAZY AND INSANE.
Does anyone else feel a shiver of dread whenever one thinks of this rodeo clown meeting with foreign leaders?
So the Donald wants to be top banana? How many teatards are going to slip on the peel?
Most excellent, Prag!
How about changing that one category to "peeing/pooping/other public restroom activities"?
I haz teh confuzed… In the past when confronted by a bloated, doughy pantload of an egomaniac I knew instinctively it was either Newt Gingrich or Jonah Goldberg. Now "The DonHole" has me puzzled. Just how many of these assholes populate the ranks the the Nutjob Right?
They haven't been able to find the birth certificate in any of the hotel bars they've searched! The young Japanese women didn't know anything, even after being thoroughly interrogated!
The Donald is the new Teabagger pin-up, like he has a lot in common with the average bagger…
Someone asked me once why so many openly gay males worked in the arts, and I supposed (bar stool opinion) it was because the arts had been tolerant of non-conformity and "difference" so long as you had the skills, thus… Now you ask why so many bloated, doughy pantloads of egomania populate the ranks of the Nutjob Right and…
What was George Washington hiding under that powdered wig anyway???
It's funny how my wingnut dad, or "Poptard" as I lovingly call him, used to think Trump was a pompous sleazy salesman. And now he thinks Trump can lead the country. Thank Allah for unstable polypeptides and a state education.
"Harvard University professor Gary King found that senators spend about 27% of the time just taunting each other.”
Ha, I bet even silverback gorillas spend less time taunting each other.
Yeah, but once you carve out the gay jokes about Lindsey Graham, the percentage drops quite a bit.
ah, well, a-day!
what evil looks had i from old and young.
instead of the cross,
a teabag about my neck was hung.
i'd rather vote for the hair. at least i'd know what we were getting ourselves into:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tribble
Can't improve on the WaPo article on Trump:
“What voters are saying is that they like the no-nonsense, take-no-prisoners approach that Trump seems to take,” said one GOP consultant granted anonymity to speak candidly.
Yes, what I love about Trump is his lack of nonsense.
Another reason to be proud that, with the exception of the first season of Queer Eye, I have never watched reality teevee.
OT–This bitch named Ann Halogen, who's married to the retired president of OSU and was an apolitical Democrat until the Republitards bought him for $180,000 in promised campaign funds and a promise he wouldn't have to do any electioneering because they would do it for him, just did a promo for Public Radio for KOSU in Stillwater. Hypocritical bitch.
Is Trump taking the same stuff Charlie Sheen is?
I loved Bill Cosby's reaction to the thought of Trump running, on the Today Show:
**pleading with Meredith after she uttered some bullshit about having to treat a Trump run seriously** "I don't care!"
The only bad thing about Trump is that he's jumped so many sharks, you can't get rid of him, anymore. There is nothing he can say that won't get him press. It's the cruelest of jokes.
Trump does have some qualifications: Lack of a heart or soul, experience in deriving personal gains from corporate bankruptcies, all the charm of a tasmanian devil, a desire to impose death penalties quickly and not worry about guilt or innocence later. With even less charm than Al "Chainsaw" Dunlop, everyone will, I'm sure, become enamored of this crude bug under a red rug. (kaff, kaff).
Hired a few commandos to rescue his employees in Africa, too.
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