Conservative Rap Group 'The Young Cons' White, Terrible At Rapping

If you guys didn't hear, Democrats tax everything! Thankfully these very adept rapping fellows from the world-famous ghetto Dartmouth are here to explain this, make a number of strained pop-culture references, and give shout-outs to some of their favorite Bible verses. And you'd never believe it, but all of the Fox News personalities love them!

Here is a video of them playing basketball and, um, sitting on a wall for a bit? Are they on the Dartmouth basketball team, or are those hoops just really low? Dartmouth, when you let these guys in, did they break the SAT they were so good at it? Like, did they dunk the SAT and shatter its glass?

"God loves the poor, but so does Big Government." Whoops! "I wish for a passion so strong I uproar / That my child bares a dream, be an entrepreneur." Oh man, we're uproaring so hard on these small-businesses rhymes up in heres, shortsies!

Glenn Beck's website is working again, and it has a review:

If you’re not familiar with “The Young Cons,” then let me introduce you to them. Josh Riddle and David Rufful are seniors at Dartmouth College, where they spend their free time playing basketball, attending classes, and–rapping about Ronald Reagan, Ayn Rand, and Jesus Christ. Their unique [YES!] brand of rap music has been noticed by the likes of Megyn Kelly, USA Today, Fox News, Mark Steyn, Mike Huckabee, and the list goes on.

It definitely does! These bros list all the testimonials from conservatives on their website. One black guy says (haha, jk, he's white), "They’re Christian. They’re conservative. And, of course, liberals are going crazy over this. Some of their lyrics are really a hoot." A hoot! Somebody called them a "hoot!" That's the kind of reputation a rapper usually has to murder for! (Or be an owl.)

How do you know these young gentlemen are academics? Just look at their sources!

"You had me at citing Free Republic. A-plusses for all of you!" — their professor

"Those blazers you're threading are very doping, dog-dogs! We respect you!" — other rappers

Congratulations, Dartmouth [ The Blaze ]