A man named Benjamin Foster, who is apparently a Tim Pawlenty campaign staffer, was arrested for intoxication and trespassing at a home in Ankeny, Iowa early this morning, according to Des Moines station KCCI. This scared a teen and her dog, as you can see from this video. Maybe we judged Tim Pawlenty too soon. Maybe he will be something other than a boring loser. A chicken in every pot and a drunk intruder in every back door!
Iowa political strategist Eric Woolson is a consultant for the Pawlenty Exploratory Committee. He confirmed to KCCI that Foster is employed by the Pawlenty Exploratory Committee. He said they declining to comment at this time on the incident. [...]
The Steward family said Foster was drunk and was trying to get home to a friend’s house in Johnston. They said he vomited in their backyard and scared their daughter.
According to Scared Teen, her dad got his gun out and confronted the man, and that was that.
We can’t wait to see the shaky camera angles and cool lens flares that are used when the official Tim Pawlenty version of this event is released. The part of Benjamin Foster will be played by a Furby or something; a Furby that has been tinkered with so it can vomit. Tim Pawlenty is just unpredictable like that, Iowa! [KCCI]
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Hide your kids, hide your wife, and hide your husband too because they're boring everybody around here.
Looks like the Pawlenty Exploratory Committee is taking their name to heart.
Ahhhh DAMN YOU exmartinette!!!! You beat me by 2 minutes!!!!
Full of win, you are.
the boring version of Heart of Darkness: T-Pawcalypse Now.
That's what the ex-Governor of Minnesota likes about Mitt Romney: breaks left and right.
Consultants, you just can't trust them. Guns are an excellent response.
Drunk, stupid, and T-Paw's campaign aide is no way to go through life, son.
Boys will be boys.
Family values!
needz moar neckstompin
also buttsechs, too.
He SAY they declining, not he SAID they declining.
Oh, stewardess, I speak jive!
A chicken in every pot and a drunk intruder in every back door!
Would be nice if you'd leave some of the "good jokes" for the rest of us, Jackie.
So T-Paw has conceded the corporate-bland vote to Mittens and is now campaigning on a Dadaist platform? Fascinating.
I thought Ron Paul had a lock on that with the whole blimp thing, but this is definitely a good start for T-Paw.
dada is the freedom to piss and shit in different colors.
"dada is the freedom to piss and shit in different colors. "
So shitting a rainbow would be a dada doodoo?
"to be is to do–Socrates
to do is to be–Jean Paul Sartre
do be do be do–Frank Sinatra"
–Kurt Vonnegut
"The doo doo doo
The da da da
That's all I want to say to you"
– Sting
This is bad news for Mike Gravel!
Scott Walker immediately hired him.
For $85k per year
It's an honest mistake — as a Republican, Foster thought he was supposed to be in everybody's bedroom.
Do you think he was wearing his "thug jackboots"?
I think they're called "thuggs", now.
Sounds like Pawlenty's Committee is a bit too Exploratory.
I got nothing. That is the funniest fucking shit, ever. Exploratory Committee? He threw up in their yard? Good thing a hockey fight didn't break out. Jesus, the assishness of these people.
Welcome back, down-fisty pussy!
Yup, he's started following all of us again! That is dedication. Too bad he's skeert to post. Talks a big game about being banned and unable to, though. Such injustice.
I think his IP is banhammered.
he said he has posted under multiple names but always had his name banned. I told him he was an f-ing liar because of what you just said. Then I begged Ken to unban him. I want him to come and play.
His new name is Koch-Bot. The last one was "microphallus". He's apparently into self-descriptive truth-telling these days.
"Then I begged Ken to unban him. I want him to come and play."
[clinking empty bottles together a la "The Warriors"]
Downfister, come out to play-ay!
or banana hammocked.
I'm not sure why the dipshit feels the need to "follow" everybody. He may as well just come in and just downfist all the comments randomly, which is what he's doing anyway – the misshapen shut-in freak.
So is this tinydick? And does he have a new name (after our helpful tips that his last name was uh, stupid to advertise, even if true)? Because now a "new" idiot is following me.
Hey Koch-bot. Thanks for following me. I got your downfist right here. Bitch!
Even this lesbo would totally hit that. Often. And well.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Um, hell yeah. You know a white guy is hot when even I would sleep with him.
Whoa, Daniel Craig!!!! I saw him once across the street in NYC- I'm pretty sure that he, like Hugh Jackman, when waving at the big crowd I was in- was totally waving at me.
Ooh! I'd like some of that, please!
*fans self with lavender scented hanky*
Following 198 Wonketteers, according to the notification email I just got, honoring my humble self as the 198th.
Wait a minute. Why am *I* not being followed by this clown? So jealous.
Even me – a snaggletoothed limey, at a grey ocean's remove. Even me.
The fucking idiot.
Dear Koch-bot,
You have no beauty in your soul. It is because of this that you will never understand, though you may think you do, just how grievously I insulted you when I wrote that you have no beauty in your soul.
The thread I read, he was trying to rally a bunch of his buds to come downfist at Wonkette. It is almost to weep, like they dream of something really cool like being a right-wing World of Warcraft horde.
Whereas if this place ever descends to even being able to see a WoW horde from the air, I'd be out of here instantly, cause I can't have any nerd stink on me (my hobo/ne'er-do well stank is bad enough as it is).
Nope. Pawlenty is still boring. Nice try, Wonkette.
Most of the Rethuglican candidates make me want to vomit, too.
Okay, someone refresh me. At what point can you shoot an intruder in Iowa? I think history will regard this as a lost chance.
I'm not sure about Iowa. In Texas it's legal once they nudge your barstool really hard…
WIN(ing!)
If they make it inside the property line in Indiana they are fair game. Don't even have to warn them. In fact, you can actually shoot someone through a door (helps if its a closet door and the intruder is suspected to be other than white).
Not sure about Iowa, but in Texas, you can shoot a dude in the back for stealing your property. Hell, you can shoot them in the back for stealing your neighbor's[/i] property, apparently. Really, how fucked up is that?
But in that situation it helps if the intruder is a brown-skin.
He'll be played by Foster Brooks, of course, doing his Benjamin Foster imitation.
Was he wearing his Foster Grants at night?
"This scared a teen and her dog"
Which one is which?
"I was TALKING to the duck!"
Sweet mother of God not Tim Palwenty news again. I am not one to question another’s business model but you guys at Wonkette must know you are competing with free porn on this internet thing. I would guess that Palwenty gets fewer Google hits than Clamoto on his best day
Who amongst us hasn't ended up harfing in a backyard in Ankeny whilst trying to make his way home to Johnston?
According to the Intertube they're only about eight miles apart (as the chunder flies).
Bill O'Reilly?
Benito Barfollini?
For at least the 2nd time this (half-)week, sire, you rule.
Puking! That's it. That's what Pawlenty reminds me of. Blowing puke out of your nose. It's been a long time but thanks for bring back the memory.
You know that is really a sensory memory I didn't need refreshed.
This is no way to be taken seriously in Republican Circles. Please, vomiting in the back yard and scaring a teen age daughter is child's work, a Bureau Director in Wisconsin could do that. No, if you want to be serious, you need to sleep with the teen age son, vomit on the parents, and then demand a tax cut for your actions.
And what do you call yourselves?
The Aristocrats!
Not enough incest/bestiality, but on the right track.
A real GOP Steele-style playa would blast a donor in the face with a shotgun and then get an apology from the person and a larger donation for inconveniencing the shooter.
And sodomize the little bitch, so you can collect the revenue on the rape-kit. (Might as well have her blow the dog, too.)
Perhaps it was a suicide mission to end the dullness of his sad life, but of course, this is all speculation until Palin explains it all for us, and how she's the real victim here.
Needs more cow tipping.
Is that anything like windmill jousting? Or is more like Curling?
It's the national sport of Ohio. See the movie "Heathers" for details.
What's the standard for cow tipping? 15%?
Also, more corn-holing. Also.
Between the stalker-y backyard vomiting and the gory homoneurotic hockey fights, Pawlenty's campaign is starting to look like "Salo."
Thought you said "backward vomiting." So he played drums for Spinal Tap, too? (Wait, that was someone else's . . . oh, never mind.)
"You can't really dust for vomit" — Derek Smalls
In the Army, they told us time and again: "The commander is responsible for all his men do or fail to do."
Hope that applies here.
"…her dad got his gun out and confronted the man, and that was that…"
It's like NRA porn, except instead of the pizza guy making a delivery to a lonely housewife, it's a drunk delivering vomit. Then nature takes its course until the guy with gun ejaculates bullets.
Wayne LaPierre played by Ron Jeremy.
Angry Dad played by Lance Romero.
Drunk T-Paw guy played by Scott Walker's Deputy for Licensing.
Teen played by Nina Hartley. Teen's pup played by K9.
Got wood from this comment. Oddly enough, it was when I hit the Dr. Who reference.
Kinda tuff to get wood for Nina anymore, 'less you're into the whole GILF thing.
Hey, he was just getting an early start on cockusing.
And yes, they showed a commercial for beef before the video clip.
Charlie Sheen?
Jello Biafra? (it does sound like a pretty punk rock thing to do)
To be fair the drinking and vomiting probably occurred after Mr. Foster finally read TPaw's campaign platform. I know it had that effect on me.
A real man would have shot (or buttsexed) the drunk intruder and maybe the dog and daughter as well.
Heinrich Himmler?
Hey now, when in distress it is preferred that you use the International sign for choking.
Using both arms create the shape of a pretzel and then undulate that in front of you.
Heimlich Maneuver?
Jesus?
Needs more pimp costumes.
I think we found the new Iron Man.
"His arm was in my back door, trying to get in and I screamed and went upstairs to my parents room and I continued screaming"
You know it's campaign season when there's teenage fisting, drunken campaign staffers and vomit.
Who, I ask?
Who amongst us has not wound up harfing in a backyard in Ankeny whilst trying to make his way back to Johnston?
According to the Intertube, they are eight miles apart (as the chunder flies).
Drunks come in barf goes out….
Damn, I was about to make the same joke, but about Robert Downey Jr.
I was wondering what kind of pathetic sack of crap would support T-Paw. Now I know.
Uh, hey, he was a barf sack!!!
Clarence Thomas?
Poor Ben's been a little bit off ever since Hillary killed his uncle Vince.
Nixon.
Seriously. I heard it on the tapes. Liddy says he'd do it again if asked.
It could have been worse; the staffer could have made like Billy Joel and gotten drunk and drove into these people's house.
Hell's afire, Hucklebuckle threatened to shoot all American's in the head if they refused to believe that Jesus was the dinosaur king AND erased all traces of his own existence prior to 2008.
T-Paw had to do something and the http://www.hockeyfights.com thing didn't work out too well.
Gee… political strategists never vomit on my lawn…
That's funny, Jim never sticks his arm in my back door and vomits at home . . .
M. Night Shyamalan?
Who, I ask?
Who amongst us has not wound up harfing in a backyard in Ankeny whilst trying to make his way back to Johnston?
(According to the Intertube, they are eight miles apart, as the chunder flies.)
(wtf, mods?)
Probably not the first back door he's entered with the T-Paw campaign.
If that guy wasn't so plowed he woulda probably known that was a girl and not have been so pushy.
You made the snark that came to my mind, and your version was funnier. Two fists up!
Jerry Brown's old 'spiritual adviser', Jacques, used to show up drunk at my house in Oakland all the time. It was actually kinda hot. But I digress…
O RLY?
I spent most of the last year of his last stint as Gov in my UC-sponsored Education Abroad program. When we got together for Thanksgiving a number of us told Jerry Brown jokes. Definitely a Californian tribal marker at the time. I grew up in Sacratomato so we definitely heard through the grapevine about Jerry's boyfriends, erm, "aides" or "spiritual advisors".
But keep that thought in mind and save the dish for when the meeja gets bored with the dog and is looking for dirt. In context I will say that Jerry is many, many things, but unlike T-Paw, he is rarely boring.
I thought Foster Brooks died of pickled liver years ago. Who's this Foster guy?
Yeah, I thought Hillary strangled Foster in a park?
If she'd only added, "Hey, kids, don't fuck!" she coulda gotten the big $$$ from Candie's Foundation.
Great! Now we see Prosser pulling a Norm Coleman in 5…4…3…
& John Fund has already been summoned to intimate that Kloppenburg won due widespread voter fraud.
Yep, teatards have been screaming about fraud since 9 PM last night, even before they lost. They are super nasty winners, so who expected them to be good losers.
Isn't a chicken (cock) in every pot (anus) and a drunk intruder in every back door kind of redundant when talking about Republicans?
"and a drunk intruder in every back door! "
That HAS to be a euphamism for AFA/Republican-style sexytimes…
Just more of the same: T-Paw & Company "reaching out" for the youth vote. What says American Youth more than shit-faced antics like trespassing, attempted burglary and projectile vomiting. Well, Republican Youth, anyway.
You left out the part about how they are entitled little fucks.
indeed!
I admire him, but he looks exactly like a young benjamin button.
T-Paw is said to be "disappointed," according to a campaign spokesman. Disappointed. Dude pukes in the yard and attempts breaking and entering, scaring the shit out of a teenage girl, and Pawlenty is disappointed. Okay, that's it. I'm definitely not voting for him now. Where's the swagger, Tim?
There is something in the wording of this entire posting that, well, makes me randy.
Not fair. DashboardBuddha gets another troll, I want another troll!
I think he is the same one, just a new (once again) handle.
I don't understand why they even bother with the following, once you turn off the notifications it has zero impact the person followed and it's more work for them. Well whatever floats their boat I guess. Everything new is old again.
It's easy…you just have to be more…or less obnoxious than I am. I can't tell though.
You can have mine!
Taking the government intrusion into every woman's private parts a bit far?
I hesitate to ask, but what is puking, Cajun-style like?
The troll's name is now "KochBot."
Appropriate, eh?
I don't know why this dipshit bothers changing names – it's not like Intense Debate doesn't send an email as soon as he does it.
Can't even give him points for originality. Fukkin' doofus.
His description is: "Description: Wait for months to have routine surgery in England…"
I'd do it for free in five minutes. Head transplant? No waiting here, just have a seat.
Because insurance companies here never make anyone wait for surgery?
Exactly. In the US, we uninsured get to wait for routine surgery until we die.
You could have a friend shoot your cancerous lung with a gun, then go get treated at the ER, like the conservatives like to offer up as their solution to health care.
"Because insurance companies here never make anyone wait for surgery? "
Because insurance companies here never let anyone have surgery?
There, fixed.
He forgot the for free part. And the fact that waiting times will rise under our conservative government who want, and always have wanted, to destroy our NHS.
but does Benjamin Foster eat more chicken than any man ever seen?
Republicans like their tender legal. Oh, wait, or is it their legal tender??? I haz a confused.
legal tender, illegal lenders, and regal benders?
the men don't know, but the little girls understand.
Who, I ask?
Who amongst us has not wound up harfing in a backyard in Ankeny whilst trying to make his way back to Johnston?
(According to the Intertube, they are eight miles apart, as the chunder flies.)
'exploratory', heh-heh
Who among us has never drunkenly arrived at the wrong home and apologized to the startled inhabitants with sheepish back yard vomiting only to have the apology refused at gunpoint? Damn tattletale 'fraidy cat kid making a mountain out of a footstool and now the poor drunken idiot's reputation, judgment and livelihood are in question. He'll probably have to slink off to work for Huckabee. All because some "victim" couldn't just belt up and submit to some well-meant if ill-considered home invasion. At least he had pants on.
Are we sure about the pants?
Good lord I think he might be my father-in-law.
I laughed insanely hard at that , for some reason.
He's stolen your avatar and now your naming convention. I think someone has a little crush on our SorosBot!
Dude. Heeelllllloooo. OnStar???!!
All the jokes about coming in the girl's backdoor remind me of this great song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UP5YFr4SkCQ
Frank Booth?
The Jehovah's Witnesses?
Not to be outdone, Rand Paul sent all staffers to Iowa for a good-ol-fashioned door to door anal rape canvass.
they were deployed by Air Org from his dad's blimp. parapoopertroopers.
Eric Woolson? That douchenozzle used to be a columnist for the Waterloo Courier and left under questionable circumstances. Always what happened to him.
Sounds like I want to party with this guy am I rite?
If you like to party in a polo shirt with the collar turned up and a pair of nicely pressed chinos and loafers with no socks, yes. Wait, that was an unfair stereotype, I take it back. Party on, 'matic!
pretty sure its Tim Pawlenty, not Palwenty.
Daddy got his gun and now the intruder will be forced to marry the scared teen. He will not be forced to marry the dog, but can have a little woofer lickin' on the side. I am Tim Pawlenty and I approve of this message.
I wonder how that "second ammendment remedy" supporter felt when he saw the second ammendment barrel in his face?
he probably went second in his pants.
The homeowner must have been a Democrat. A Jesus-loving Republican would have shot him.
I don't even understand why he would bother. However as he is following me too- let say I saw a 6 truck caravan on the National Mall today for the MAy 21, end of the world Jesus is coming- WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT!. And tomorrow, I am going to Rally tp protect Women's health care- that's right, ABORTION CHOICE!!! Kochmoron- downfist me or whatever- I have a real life out there.
What happened to my Kitty Dukakis joke?
T-Paw is just tryin' to show his street cred by getting all up in the hood – fer shizzle. Either that or he hired Scott Walker's drunken staffers brother.
Unfortunate that neither the teen nor her dog bit Benjamin Foster although he might not have noticed since he was really drunk and the dog is tiny.
Consistent with the typical republican MO somehow, this all will be blamed on Liberals.
KCCI is quite a station–or maybe Akeny, Iowa is just strange. Their most watched stories included "Police Find 100 People Running Around, Screaming", some lady getting bitten by a vampire and a 91 year old asleep in a ditch-maybe that last one isn't so amazing.
It sounds like the place for me!
Squad helps dog bite victim.
Red tap holds up bridge.
You are allowed to shoot intruders in Iowa, aren't you?
Well, fortunately from his website we know the nice Mr. Foster "loves his family" and "had never done a crazy thing" in his whole life … until he heard "the voice." And then he decided to go explore little girls' backdoors. Why does this story have a familiar ring to it?
"He was just drunk on the love of Jesus, happens all the time. I don't think he was sniffing around the girl, she's 15, too old for him and she's not kin. He's from Alabama, down there if they're over 13 they get too ripe." — AWW
Berlesconi? Oh…that was his OWN house.
Hmmm, I wonder what government job he would be imminently qualified for if T-Paw goes the distance?….. something in Commerce, perhaps?!
The Walker Admin is already in damage control: the 27 years old reprobate has been demoted to his prior, 64000$ a year position.
I know, quite a come-down.
Tim Pawlenty's 2 AM call comes at 3, apparently.
How drunk could Foster be, to be nine miles from his destination? and banging on doors along the way?
if you have to ask i'm not going to tell you =)
The little hussy deserved it, probably; I'll bet she was… um… not being abstinent or something.
they were confused in Iowa and implemented obstinance-only education.
"According to Scared Teen, her dad got his gun out and confronted the man, and that was that."
Maybe Dad keeps a loaded shotgun propped in a corner of the living room, like my father does.
"Maybe Dad keeps a loaded shotgun propped in a corner of the living room"
Well, DUH!! He's the father of a teenaged girl!
According to the Des Moines Register, Foster's middle name is "Limbaugh"; one of Rush' by-blows?
Rush has a blow? Rush is a blow. Rush blows!
Probably Rush does blow.
"Vote Republican in 2-BLLLLEEAUURGGGHHH!"
Well, that's one less door for the GOP-GOTV crew to knock on.
http://iowaindependent.com/54622/pawlenty-staffer...
http://blogs.desmoinesregister.com/dmr/index.php/...
Who, I ask?
Who amongst us has not wound up harfing in a backyard in Ankeny whilst simply trying to make their way home to Johnston?*
*According to the Intertubes, these two hamlets are 8 miles apart (as the chunder flies).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AHcjjxYbgNM
Hot Legs by Rod Stewart
The Making of the President 2012, Chapter 1.
What, was unemployed wingnut eunuch already taken?
He's following me; he's following me–KochBot, I mean. Lists his website as The Militant. I thought he was some rogue Trotskyite.
Sounds good. They might as well aim a little higher and save the good old fashioned "not-sick" Americans some money tho, amirite?
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