According to a press release, Glenn Beck is officially going to “transition off” his show later this year and will no longer be seen by the few remaining holdouts holed up in official Glenn Beck-brand bomb shelters across the nation. Fox and Beck’s production company, Mercury Radio Arts (which is, yes, probably so named just to annoy the ghost of Orson Welles) simultaneously announced they were partnering to work on a few specials for the channel, but let’s be honest, that’s just to distract us — this means Glenn is probably dead. True patriots knew he would one day give his life for speaking the truth, and it appears the Stalin clone army made by illegal immigrant geneticists working for The Muslims finally came to murder Glenn at his Alamo.
Roger Ailes, Chairman and CEO of Fox News said, “Glenn Beck is a powerful communicator, a creative entrepreneur and a true success by anybody’s standards. I look forward to continuing to work with him. ” Glenn Beck said: “I truly believe that America owes a lot to Roger Ailes and Fox News. I cannot repay Roger for the lessons I’ve learned and will continue to learn from him and I look forward to starting this new phase of our partnership.”
Translation: Roger Ailes said, “The socialist secularists kidnapped me and forced me to replace Glenn with a caliph as the new host of his show.” Glenn Beck said: “They’ve come for us, Eva. Let’s do it right. Guns blazing! Owwwwww.”
As this is a scenario listed on the back of the bottled hemlock Glenn endorsed, all his viewers will be dead by sun down. They’re laying down their scooters. The battle is over.
Let the apocalypse begin! [Business Insider]
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Can we stop buying gold now? Who do we turn to for advice now? What do the Beckerheads do now?
There's no gold anyway. Beck was saying just last week that Ft Knox is empty. WITH NO GOLDZ TO BACK OUR MONEY, WE WILL DIE!!!
Ft Knox is empty?
Let's close the base and f**k over Kentucky some more.
We are gonna die?
V, seriously, I am going to need you to make a promise to me that when the zombies come after us you won't trip me to distract them while you keep running. Pinkie swear?
I don't have to outrun the zombies, I only have to outrun you, as the old joke goes. Which would be humorous if it were possible for an old coot such as I to outrun a youngster like yourself, let alone the flesh-eaters. Let's just throw them Historicat to distract them.
Dude – that's harsh. And here I was planning on gathering weapons and shooting the zombies. I thought someone should have your back but apparently it shouldn't be me.
Braaaaiiiiinnnnnnnssssss …
I always loved that little conspiracy nugget…especially since they replaced gold with SDR's for which we have a huge supply. Is this just the eternal stupidity of wingnutism played straight? Or are they really so stupid they don't understand reserve SDR's function the same way as gold? I know, no snark but that one just makes me laugh…especially considering we ELECT these people…okay, time to drink now…I haz a sad.
Good riddance to bad rubbish.
That statement dimishes rubbish everywhere.
they're getting rid of him because he accidentally said something truthful on his website a couple of weeks ago. The oligarchs want to make an example of him.
What was it? The date?
# WE HAVE A WINNER, FOLKS…
It's the end of an error.
Goodnight, sweet prince, and flights of angels sing thee to thy personal harem planet.
What, did Goldline run out of gold?
No, but the market has peaked, Beck's hauling ass before the bubble bursts.
Beck's Presidential Candidate announcement in 7… 6… 5…
Beck/Trump 2012!
Beck/Bachmann 2012!
OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG.
Beck/Beck 2012: The Thetans Are After Our Gold
This frees him up for political office, you know.
Is Messiah a political office?
Duh? JIM JONES!
You say that like it's a bad thing. Let's watch as The Promise that was America dissolves in Teh Crazy.
That's no place for a visionary like Beck. Of course, Oprah's off the air now … who's going to fill the void? Katie Couric? I don't freakin think so.
Hope & Change 2011!
The handwriting was on the wall when he criticized Trump for his birther and Obama's a Muslim comments.
Glenn Beck on Al Jazeera. How awesome is that? So much win.
*head explodes*
For real, he could move to friggin Doha and everything.
He could either say he was doing it because he's uncovered some new prophecy and he's been told to go live among the infidels to receive some enlightenment.
Or he could say it's too dangerous for him in the US and that he feels safer in the very secure and tax-free haven of Qatar.
By the end of his contract, he will be drawing on old CNN memo pads.
Maybe Scott Walker can give him a job.
Does he have a DUI?
CNN wants him back.
Nah, Randolph and Mortimer Koch called Ailes and said that, useful as Beck was in 2010, he's gotta sleep with the fishes if they want to win in 2012.
This is step one of putting the airborne toxic event that was the TEA party back into the Zyklon-B canister from which it was first released. And they'll probably get away with it, America being what it is (i.e., dumb and amnesiac).
that is what I hate about the democrats–there is so much briliiant insane bullshit to make commercials out of–I would tie all these fucking nutjobs into one big racist bundle…yet we never see anything like that.
I firmly agree and fist you strongly for that idea. Beck, Bachman, Palin – broadcast their rantings, end the spot with "Really?? Really??!!!???" and then simply Vote Democratic in 2012.
"back the bottled hemlock" is a good name for a rock band.
So, uh, is a sign for, or against the rapture?
Either way, it's time to get a good seat.
Yes…
So this means he's bankrupted the tin-foil-hat-wearing, flouride-in-water-eschewing, all-black-people-are-muslin, gun-toting, budweiser-drinking demographic and is moving on to greener (literally) audiences?
The problem is that his audience has been dropping rapidly, probably because they've been succumbing to the ravages of age.
Maybe he saw how much (1/2 a Billion?) that Jerry Falwell's bible school got and he's going to go full time into lernin' the teatard youths of AmeriKKKa about… whatever knucklehead thing he can make up.
Or yeah, he's running for some polit office. Whee!
How are those blackboards going to work on the radio machine?
He'll scratch them to make a point.
Hard to differentiate that from Glenn's usual yammering.
Who's going to fill the coveted 5pm "insane ranting slot"? Who will kiss Sarah Palin's ass? WHO WILL TELL ME THAT THE ROCKEFELLERS ARE COMMIES????
Actually a little bit of snark died today.
More time to hang out on Long Island.
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/04/05/earlysh...
This will fill the open 5pm Fox timeslot.
An informative, behind-the-scenes look at the making of "Fox and Friends".
"This is Tim, who controls the Gretchen Carlson puppet. Tim, what would you say is the most difficult part of your job?"
"Well, I'd say the eyebrows. It takes real work to do that eyebrows-raised, wide-eyed look of inner soul death as Jane does the voice work."
I laughed so hard my Altoid popped out and hit the monitor.
You stare the screen with your a… oh… ALTOID. Gotcha.
that's the best damn video bomb ever.
Les, that's seriously the funniest thing I've ever seen. Kudos to you, my brudah!
May he get his richly deserved 21 Hoverround salute.
Here we go. How long before he starts walking around in an all white kaftan and sandals? If anyone is batshit crazy enough to see themselves as a messiah, it's Beck.
Well fuck. Knowing Fux and Ailes, they'll find an even more toxic goblin to replace him.
I wouldn't want to try and Limbo under that bar…
Speaking of Limbo, I don't think Rush could limbo under a pole vault bar.
The James O'Keefe Show.
"Pimpin', with J-OK!"
as long as that is pronounced J'Okee I fully support it, and fist you heartily.
I like Weigel's suggestion (in the linke V57##s linked below) that Fox double up on the crazy conspiracy-mongering and replace Beck with Alex Jones. NaderPaulKucinichGravel would spontaneously orgasm.
Yes, we need a coked-up version of Beck.
As funny as that would be, Fox News would never, ever, ever hire Alex Jones. He railed hard against the neocons back in the day.
They may get his show, but they'll never get his essence Mandrake.
Needs more Cool-Aid.
Glenn's next gig: convincing the rodents in his apocalypse bunker that Obama is the anti-christ coming to take their cheese away and form a caliphate in the next town over.
Hey, you know who else had a radio program that promoted far-fetched fiction in a manner so indistingushable from a "news broadcast" that it fostered widespread panic and paranoia amongst its listeners?
Oh, wait, you just said.
Think Beck will grow as big as Welles (literally) and start hawking plonk? That is, if he doesn't drink it all first?
They should go with a block of Greta van Sustern interviewing Sarah Palin (the Divine Messenger of Allah).
I actually have a piece of the True Cross and would like to discuss a trade. Your Jesus is so much cooler than my Jesus!
nothing better than the True Chalkboard!
well, maybe a True Skidmark from the True Magic Undies, but whatever works.
Yes but to obtain one of those you'd have to remove them from Mitt's person while he's sleeping in his magic undies…thus touching his junk. It's more dangerous than the entire Indiana Jones series, combined.
I still remember when some mormon was blabbing about how indestructable the magic undies make mormons and my friend punched him in the stomach…they didn't shield him very well then….
"Yes but to obtain one of those you'd have to remove them from Mitt's person while he's sleeping in his magic undies…thus touching his junk."
I was picturing some kind of dealie like the claw machine at the arcade.
That's impossible because I heard Glenn Beck's chalkboard is made out of the wood from THE TRUE CROSS.
He wants to spend more time with the voices in his head.
They r doing it rong, as usual. I remember when I "transitioned off" my last gig. They gave me an hour to clean out my desk. That is the proper, American way to "transition."
Glenn Beck is off pursuing other opportunities.
I don't want to give the Wonkette staff more work but I think you should work on a montage of all the crazy shit he's said over the years. Maybe even a slo-mo of him barking? PLEASE!!! I'll be your BFF!
As long as the high pitched little-girl "Get off my phone!!!!!" shriek is prominently featured.
For the finale, let's hope the writers are more Big Love and less Sopranos. I can't live with ambiguity.
or Six Feet Under last show
"creative entrepreneur"? Ah, so that's what we're calling snake oil salesmen these days.
Bernie Madoff was a pretty creative entrepreneur also too.
Another name for it is "pimp."
I look forward to the new show he'll doubtlessly be hosting on the History Channel.
Fitting as they are the All Nazi Network, with a soupcon of bigfoot thrown in
I hear they are going to re-fire Air America, and he's going to get a time slot between Ed Schultz and Randi Rhodes.
Defenestration through the Overton window. News at 11.
“Glenn Beck is a powerful communicator, a creative entrepreneur and a true success by anybody’s standards…"
"Creative entrepreneur"=Shit Head Loony Bastard that people buy shit from.
""Creative entrepreneur"=Shit Head Loony Bastard that people buy shit from. "
That describes the entire Fox line up, including American Idol.
Why are we so sure Beck would be the one on top?
Someone should have told Glenn “You never go full retard”.
do we think he cried?
Just wait for that last show… Weep-Fest'11!
He only cries for a paying audience. Media whore.
I turned him off on CNN. I never saw a live minute of him on Fox (except for the teevee at the pub, and the confusing closed captioning). In my mind Glen Beck lives on the Daily Show. Are we sure he isn't back in the green room right now with Lewis Black and Assif Mandvi and Olivia Munn playing euchre?
Glenn has a deep-seated hatred for brown people.
Yaaaaahhooooo!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcW_Ygs6hm0&fe...
Any one of their other hosts other than Shepard Smith?
He obviously wasn't leeping up the hatred and the crazy that Fox News needs to survive.
You know who else officially transition off his show?
Siegfried? Roy?
Jim Sefelt? Scanlon? Billy Bibbit?
Steve Carell?
Groucho Marx?
David Hasselhoff?
Shouty Keith?
Darren Stephens?
Charlie Sheen?
more time to rape and murder a young girl in 1991?
This makes me so happy. Of course, I know I will be let down when I hear his second act. I wonder if he can ratchet up the crazy?? Uh, sure he can.
And here I was hoping to see Beck's slow spiral into full psycosis.
Damn you Murdock!
Glenn was on his radio show (which fortunately seems to keep going on in spite of his best efforts) saying he would walk from town to town spreading his gospel of gold, emergency food storage and seed banking if he had to. Which means that soon enough he'll show up on a streetcorner near you holding a cardboard sign with "Will Prophecy Doom for Food" written on it in Sharpie.
Messiah complex ftw.
I hope the fucking asshole deep throats a Smith and Wesson and lets it cum in his mouth.
Plus first responders with stones in their shoes.
Today's Becksame Street was brought to you by the letters D, O and A.
But now where will I go with my emergency food buying questions? WHERE?!
But really, this is how I always thought it would. He gradually loses audience until Fox replaces him with the next lunatic. The only thing that will be different, as when Beck first came aboard, is that the new guy will be a tad crazier.
We all might like to imagine him going out in full-on craziness, wetting his pants on air to prove a point about the architecture of the Empire State Building secretly being a Dalek construction to contact their Islamofascist masters in space, but no, it's all really just a quiet, PR'd-to-death business decision.
Really, isn't that what it always comes down to with this crowd?
Any shelter or street corner in NYC.
The makers of Extenze™ male enhancement pills are the biggest loser in all this. Every day there's a new crop of tiny-peckered teatard men looking for a product to give 'em that "something extra." They have no Glenn Beck teevee show to flock to anymore. SAD.
I truly believe that America owes a lot to Roger Ailes and Fox News. I believe a good whipping tied to the Wall Street Bull's horns would would pay the debt I think America owes Roger. In the alternative for the non-violent types how about being placed in a cell and be forced to watch Glenn Beck's show over and over. That settles the debt also.
Did the Mayan's predict a blubbering crazy person will lose his show and end up being reduced to making his racist/anti-semitic/apocalyptic rants on radio before the end of the world? I just want to see if we are still on schedule.
He seems to be too white and bloated to be Quetzacoatl, but then according to the mormons, all the real south americans used to be a white jewish tribe, so maybe this all fits together somehow. I'm sure it is on one of Glenn's chalkboards.
I can see him homeless, walking the streets screaming " Somebody listen to me"
"Laying down their scooters…"
They can take our schizo-paranoid personalilty cult leader, Jack, but they can never take our HOVERROUNDS!
Needs more cyanide.
Don't worry barrista "artists" are still using chalk out here in PDX to advertise the blue plate special.
Maybe he's freeing up his schedule to become a full time Koch Sucker.
This news makes gives me a tingling sensation up my leg!!!
Last time I tried, it took 6 months to 'transition off' into my new job.
Translation:
Beck: Who's the bitch now, bitch?
Ailes: Thank you, Sir, may I have another?
First they got rid of Gingrich, now they're getting rid of Beck. Where do I turn now for the crazy? Oh wait, yeah, still Fox News. They've got them by the little clown car-full over there.
I think I'm the only person who buys chalk in England. It's the cheapest indigestion remedy.
"Rennies are how much?? Give me a pack of Doublemint and a box of chalks please. No, I don't care if they're coloured. I like an avant-garde movement."
I was thinking money… as in they have more green (bills)… but that would be an awfully Beck-ian take on it!
I wouldn't mind seeing the Beckheads mass Rapture themselves, but that would include my Mother, and I'm kind of partial to her.
As long as we have the wisdom of Bible Spice, the Republic is strong.
Don't worry. Soon, when the revolution starts here, there be plenty of outlines to draw.
I actually dig his work. He used to host Nightline after Teddy Koppel decided to retire. He has a nice international slant that I typically am used to only getting from places like BBC, Deutsche Welle, and Al-Jazeera English.
EDIT: Holy crap, Downfister! What was that, 4 seconds this time? Wow! You're good!
This is great news for Chris Matthews!
Glenn Beck Program: dead of Mercury Radio Arts poisoning.
Roger Ailes; "mmmm…slurp-slurp-slurp"
Glen Beck; "Don't you dare look at me!"
Roger Ailes; eyes down "slurp-slurp…mmmm…mmmm"
Glen Beck; "Mind the fucking step-children!"
Maybe it's simply a ploy to re-energize his enervated base and cause a wellspring of teary Glenn Don't Go! twitters and a popular outpouring of heartfelt ore purchases to avoid a crash in Mr. Ailles holdings in gold futures? We haven't heard the last of this unbalanced crybaby, and those who finally felt understood and spoken for and to by him will find another champion, I like to think some one with more genuine insight and less patriotic pantomimes. With that even handedness aside. fuck off Glennda, you have damaged the country you claim to love, all in pursuit of your own precious purse.
Only a conservative would leave the floundering world of television to enter the long-dead world of radio.
Glen got too big for Fox, roll on The Beck channel, all paranoia all of the time.
It's been a good day. Here in Boston Jay Severin, a local Beckian asshole, just got shit canned by a local radio station. He called some women suing the ceo of American Apparel for sexual harassment "whores" and "sluts," then bragged about how he used to bang his female interns. His ratings were sinking, just like Beck, so this was enough to get him canned.
And now, Beck. Party time tonight! Woo hoo!
Prices on Beck fell to five dollars a pound, with Roger Ailes selling short. It's a conspiracy.
Oh no! Where will i turn to learn the lessons of politics, history and science? Who can fill the void when the Beckian genius is gone? I know…I'll ask my dog.
Be honesty & sanity restored.
I hear he's touring with Charlie Sheen and Ghostface Killah's
There will always be a place waiting for Glenn over at NPR (Neocon Publicity Radio), who need a ratings boost after their dainty Schiller-putsch.
This is good news for John McCain.
Right?
Glenn Beck, Jim Jones, and Lyndon LaRouche walk into a bar…
OH!! I know the answer to this one! You shoot Glenn Beck, and then you shoot him *again* to make *absolutely sure* he's dead.
Charlie Sheen/Glenn Beck 2012, too early?
and you know who loves gold foil wrapped chocolate coins, right?
Me?
I mean, come on! Chocolate money? That's TWO of my favorite things!
My dog. You should see the back yard the next day.
Every once in a while you start to think to yourself "Maybe there is a god", but then you wake up the next day and say "i don't think so".
If Rush Limpdick keels over with a massive heart attack, it'll even out Citizen's united. Tick Tock, you fat mudderfucker, you.
Never happen… he has all the money and connections in the world, and if/when necessary, he'll just get an artificial heart like Dick Cheney, and live waaaay past his natural lifespan as a fat, useless fuck.
Well, now I just pissed myself off.
so what am I suppose to with all these seeds?
no time to garden, I play golf in the summer for cripes sake.
hard not to hate the Bleckster.
Faux must be trying to seem more moderate or something prior to the big election coverage. I do wonder what they'll replace Beck with? You want them to froth up the rubes so they vote to slash their own throats, but not so over the top as to become the story like Glenn did. They will probably avoid another shock jock, they won't go for anyone that is too out there, but there has to be a hook. This might be good news for McCains blonde and boobtastic spawn, maybe co-hosting with Elizabeth Hasselbeck so she doesn't have to work too hard reading the cue cards, Throw in Dennis Miller as a "color commentator" and I can see it working for them. What better way to say "Fuck the Poor!" than through perfectly straight teeth smiling out a pretty face. Wait for it.
[checks bank statement] Sadly, no.
All I fucking know is I walked through the door this afternoon, turned on NPR, and was "blessed" with a fucking ten-minute loving, respectful biopic of Glenn Beck, complete with audio of that fucking fucktard speaking his greatest fucking bullshit.
Can't fucking wait for when Terry Gross gives him a handjob on Fresh Air. Gah.
They are at this minute preparing a place for Glenn in the house of NPR.
And we thought we KNEW stands-for-nothing NPR!
Coulda' fooled the hell out of me. Never knew he had one to begin with. He sure as hell won't miss it, though.
Elmer Gantry 2.0
Do the Mormons have their own TV network? Like TBN?
GOODNIGHT SWEET PRINCE … & don't let the door hit you in the arse.
That's odd.
On Beck's map of Egypt in the picture, it looks like Long Island at the bottom….
Glenn Beck
vs
AIPAC's Federal Reserve
and
the controlled media FNC corporate "family"
Covering up the truth about 9/11 is considered a key security issue for Israel.
It’s a jungle out there.
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