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They hate us for our alcoholic energy urine in a can

  • Yielding to dozens of Surveymonkey petitions, Barack Obama has decided that allowing Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and his merry 9/11 pranksters to be tried in a “normal” court — you know, where torture-induced confessions are not considered “evidence” — would be inappropriate, and that a sensationalized military kangaroo tribunal with a swift verdict would be much better for his reelection efforts. Anyway, now “justice” will be served? Sure! This is why we need indefinite detention camps, rape prisons and military comedy courts — if we don’t suspend habeas corpus, the terrorists will steal all of our precious freedums. [AP]
  • Instead of “another” story about radioactive dookie being tossed into the Pacific Ocean: Prosecution documents accuse elderly sex maniac and crook Silvio Berlusconi of paying thousands of (underage?) prostitutes to massage his wrinkly risotto balls, during his famous “bunga bunga” parties. (This is not really news, but these court documents are definitely worth reading!) [Reuters]
  • An ambitious bill which would allow hicks to use helicopters to kill feral hogs and wolves is making its way through the Texas legislature, yee-haw. [McClatchy]
  • Some college students won a basketball game. Other college students did not. [AP]
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