PSA FAIL  1:10 pm April 4, 2011

Hot Girl Totally Into You Until Condom Appears

by Ken Layne


Here’s some Public Service Announcement sent to your editor. Look how the happy, pretty girl totally scowls when your “helicopter” puts the condom on your “Washington Monument.” Gah, condoms! Don’t ruin another “sexy weekend in D.C.” by unrolling some gross old condom. Playas don’t need a raincoat!

And here’s Part Two of that video, when some random black actor playing “Barack Obama” looks away as the Washington Monument explodes, when the condom is taken off. Also there is like some weird Hawks & Doves-esque Neil Young tribute band playing in the background, the end.

[YouTube]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 128 comments }

Failure_Artist April 4, 2011 at 1:13 pm

I wish I could have been there when that happened.

V572..whatever April 4, 2011 at 1:17 pm

CGI ≠ reality.

Plus there's no God. Leprechauns are totally real, though.

Failure_Artist April 4, 2011 at 6:22 pm

Ugh I should have known. I thought it was weird that they (the National Park Service?) would actually allow this.

finallyhappy April 4, 2011 at 8:15 pm

And unicorns

TanzbodenKoenig April 4, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Everyday 10,000 teens catch an STD

C'mon kids, everybody's doin it! You don't wanna be the only one of your friends without the clap, do you?

poncho_pilot April 4, 2011 at 1:43 pm

the sound of one hand clapping…ha. eh.

Boojum_Reborn April 4, 2011 at 4:54 pm

You can't get STD's that way.

Doktor Zoom April 4, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Is that like a Pokemans? Gotta catch 'em all?

baconzgood April 4, 2011 at 1:14 pm

You know, till seeing this PSA I never made the connection that the Washington Monument obelisk looked like a phallus.

HempDogbane April 4, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Sec. of State Camille Paglia has explained this in detail, many times.

MadBrahms April 4, 2011 at 7:21 pm

You should see the one in Baltimore! It seriously looks like Washington is being ejaculated out of the top.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/c/c1/Con

V572..whatever April 4, 2011 at 1:15 pm

That's not a random Black actor. That's Blair Underwood, part-time star of every B-list teevee series eveh, going back to "LA Law."

Jeebus I'm embarrassed that I know this. Downfist me now, troll!

V572..whatever April 4, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Thank you, troll! May I please have another?

Also my car could use a nice washing.

TanzbodenKoenig April 4, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Haha, in case you haven't noticed he's changed his name to Microphallus, i don't know if he gets the joke.

V572..whatever April 4, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Great. Now try "microcephalic." Look it up, troll boy. Your picture is next to the definition.

Doktor Zoom April 4, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Microphallus, mega-schmuck. It's a paradox!

ChessieNefercat April 4, 2011 at 5:40 pm

How do you find out the name?
Apologies in advance if this is a really dumb questionm.

SorosBot April 4, 2011 at 7:29 pm

Check out your profile, he's probably among your last 5 visitors as he's stalking all of us – and yes, he is. His original name "Spanky2b" shows up; clicking on that will take you to his profile with his latest names and ramblings.

not that Dewey April 4, 2011 at 2:11 pm

I knew that, mainly from his role on Sex 'n the City, which is even more embarrassing.

DownFist Troll April 4, 2011 at 1:17 pm

She's mad because condoms cause abortions and aids. It's true, the Pope said so.

assistantatlas April 4, 2011 at 1:31 pm

And the ghey. Condoms also cause the ghey.

tessiee April 4, 2011 at 7:08 pm

It's a lot like how seat belts cause car accidents.

memzilla April 4, 2011 at 1:18 pm

It would have been more impressive if the Washington Monument had been climbed by a giant crab louse.

Trannysurprise April 4, 2011 at 3:57 pm

That PSA is coming next. Except all the actor does is walk into The Big Hunt and voila, covered in crabs.

finallyhappy April 4, 2011 at 8:19 pm

I'm concerned just walking past that place!

ChessieNefercat April 4, 2011 at 5:42 pm

That would have been an interesting movie back in the 50's, even if relegated to Army hygiene flicks.

tessiee April 4, 2011 at 7:08 pm

"The giant 50-foot-tall preying mantis was shot down over Newark!"
"Thereby improving TWO things!"
/MST3K/

SudsMcKenzie April 4, 2011 at 1:21 pm

So that's a PSA for NBA players right?

SorosBot April 4, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Along with Palins.

GOPCrusher April 4, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Thanks to Brisket Palin, I lead an abstinence existence. No condoms for me!

weejee April 4, 2011 at 1:21 pm

The troll should put condoms on like a stocking cap. Protect the rest of us from the thoughts within.

Limeylizzie April 4, 2011 at 1:37 pm

The troll's father should have put on a condom.

Limeylizzie April 4, 2011 at 1:41 pm

That stupid cunt downfisted me within seconds of my posting.

Limeylizzie April 4, 2011 at 1:49 pm

I thought my days of small dicks were over when I first beheld the glory of MrLimeyLizzie's "Log of Justice" but apparently not as Microphallus is now following me

poncho_pilot April 4, 2011 at 2:01 pm

would that make you the Log Lady, then?

Chet Kincaid April 4, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Oh Lizzie, please leave Mr. Limeylizzie's Log out of this, it bums me out. And, "Log Of Justice?" Refrain from commenting in the form of Ginny Thomas, also.

ChessieNefercat April 4, 2011 at 5:47 pm

"…thoughts within."

You're very kind to ascribe "thoughts" to the rare zot! resulting from the occasional synaptical twitches of the two, dare I say, limp, neurons lying on the bottom of his largely empty cranium.

mourningnmerica April 4, 2011 at 1:22 pm

It's what you put in a chalice.

Ken Layne April 4, 2011 at 2:37 pm

"…. my chalice. It's a special one, it's made of gold …."

Troubledog April 4, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Damn, it's like that crazy night we partied at Assange's house. He was all like hey, let's use these condoms and the bitches were like no way, dude. And so Julian gets a condom on and the crazy one tore the end off of it? Then the quiet one started talking about having his babies and destiny and shit? Man, that was a fucked up party.

DashboardBuddha April 4, 2011 at 1:24 pm

"What's a phallus?"

That's the name of our next troll stalker. They really don't get it.

DashboardBuddha April 4, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Seconds…mere seconds…that's all it took for downfister mini-dick to do his work! Do these assholes work in shifts?

DashboardBuddha April 4, 2011 at 1:25 pm

I hate this anti-american shit. If George Washington wore a condom, how could he have been the Father of our Country?

Fare la Volpe April 4, 2011 at 2:08 pm

Let the Semen Soar~

DahBoner April 4, 2011 at 2:18 pm

# U.S. AMERICA SPLOOGE

sezme April 4, 2011 at 2:24 pm

He wore a wooden condom, as was the fashion in the day.

DashboardBuddha April 4, 2011 at 2:51 pm

It's astonishing at how close our country came to being splintered.

Doktor Zoom April 4, 2011 at 3:39 pm

He impregnated ladies, but not the British ladies.

When he wasn't fucking the shit out of bears.

keepem_sikanpor April 4, 2011 at 6:55 pm

FTW!

tessiee April 4, 2011 at 7:00 pm

???
I thought that was Teddy Roosevelt.

MinAgain April 4, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Hey, now. If Washington had put a condom on his "monument" back in the day, he never would have become the father of our country.

aguacatero April 4, 2011 at 1:28 pm

He didn't need one — while he blamed Martha for their inability to have children, it is now believed the problem lay with him.

ChessieNefercat April 4, 2011 at 5:49 pm

"…the problem lay with him"
Are you saying "the problem" who lay with him gave him something that caused sterility, hmm?

mavenmaven April 4, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Is this another fable about Washington, oral, and wood?

SheriffRoscoe April 4, 2011 at 1:27 pm

If your cock is that sharp and pointy, you better goddam wear something.

UpstateYorkee April 4, 2011 at 5:59 pm

That's to say nothing of the size.

sezme April 4, 2011 at 6:15 pm

Ah, the Julian Assange paradox…

Gold_ManSacks April 4, 2011 at 1:32 pm

There are 999 other guys out there sharing the love with 10 teens a day? We should start a facebook group.

Barbara_i April 4, 2011 at 1:33 pm

I would have chosen the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception. I'd like to see Palin's head explode after that.

Fare la Volpe April 4, 2011 at 1:38 pm

"'Immaculate Conception'? They made a monument to Bristol?"

Barbara_i April 4, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Monument? I don't think they call tunnels "monuments" They should slap a toll booth on it and save the economy from ruin.

Fare la Volpe April 4, 2011 at 2:18 pm

This is Madame Palin speaking. She thinks an ant hill with her name on it is a monument.

poncho_pilot April 4, 2011 at 2:07 pm

@Jesus: drill, baby, drill.

poncho_pilot April 4, 2011 at 2:05 pm

"I'd like to see Palin's head explode after that."

i would feel the same way no matter what sentence preceded this one.

ChessieNefercat April 4, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Beat me to it! Thumbs up for you!

Failure_Artist April 4, 2011 at 6:26 pm

Nah, that's a Catholic church. Palin only goes to store-front churches.

aguacatero April 4, 2011 at 1:34 pm

A timely message for the George Washington of our own day, Newton Leroy Gingrich.

Fare la Volpe April 4, 2011 at 1:35 pm

And if that monument were black, it would need a Magnum.

LabRodent April 4, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Ya Damn right !

user-of-owls April 4, 2011 at 1:39 pm

I believe the brothers prefer 40's.

LabRodent April 4, 2011 at 1:51 pm

A 1945 Chateau Mouton Rothschild …but then again we're rich.

Thunderclees April 4, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Could be Indian—word is Trojan had to create a new, smaller-girth condom for the Indian market.

I don't know what this means, and I don't care to find out.

SheriffRoscoe April 4, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Don't say the word 'girth' around me! You get me all excited.

AJW[redacted] April 4, 2011 at 5:27 pm

How 'bout roundth then?

DaSandman April 4, 2011 at 1:40 pm

As ever in Murica, its all about the fake big white dicks

Rosie_Scenario April 4, 2011 at 1:45 pm

She looks like Monica Lewinsky.

Radio_______ April 4, 2011 at 1:47 pm

According to David Barton PhD. (Hon.), the Washington Monument was erected as a tribute to our Christian heritage.
And a big dick would know about a big dick.

Failure_Artist April 4, 2011 at 6:27 pm

By Christian heritage he means Masonic neopaganism, right?

LibrulEleet April 4, 2011 at 7:28 pm

Haha, you said "erected."

zhubajie April 4, 2011 at 7:41 pm

The Egyptian part?

SorosBot April 4, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Condom goes on, semen stays out – how'd you explain that?

baconzgood April 4, 2011 at 1:53 pm

How come I have two balls and women don't?

Thunderclees April 4, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Never a miscommunication.

Andrew Drinker April 4, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Sometimes I have to admit I'm glad that my company's firewall blocks YouTube. My imagination is really running wild at this point.

BlueStateLibel April 4, 2011 at 2:08 pm

You didn't miss anything–just a bunch of hot naked chicks pole-dancing around the Washington Monument. Our first Founding Father would have been proud.

GOPCrusher April 4, 2011 at 2:48 pm

With Lee Greenwood playing in the background. I weep with national pride.

Dudleydidwrong April 4, 2011 at 1:53 pm

There once was a lady named Alice
Who used a dynamite stick for a phallus
They saw her vagina
Over North Carolina
And her ass headed west over Dallas.

I hate limericks.

baconzgood April 4, 2011 at 2:00 pm

But you're so good at telling them…

DashboardBuddha April 4, 2011 at 2:05 pm

OT

There once was a whore from New York
Who was known to be fond of her work
She said to her client, "now, don't be defiant…
you can eat me, but you can't use a fork"

baconzgood April 4, 2011 at 2:08 pm

There was once a man from Nantucket
With a dick so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
While wiping his chin
"if my ear were c**t I'd fuck it"

Doktor Zoom April 4, 2011 at 3:35 pm

A decrepit old gas-man named Peter,
while hunting around for the meter,
touched a leak with his light.
He arose out of sight
and as anyone reading this can plainly see, he also completely destroyed the meter.

rocktonsam April 4, 2011 at 1:55 pm

squirmish

poncho_pilot April 4, 2011 at 1:59 pm

dikileaks.

DangerHelvetica April 4, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Sex America sounds way better than our America. Lets talk about it, indeed.

DashboardBuddha April 4, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Maybe their time would be better spent as WoW gold farmers. They would have a job providing a desired service, plus they can hang out in mom's basement all day playing games and not bothering us. Win!

prommie April 4, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Every pigfucker in jeebus-loving flyover-'tard-land knows that the HPV virus can kick any condom's ass. The HPV virus is like the Dale Earnhardt of STDs, it will just run your condom right into the wall, and infect your ass, for the sin of having non-procreative sex with a human (pigs are fair game). Thats all it's legal to teach the pigfucktards, that condoms ain't shit against HPV (its the only thing they could find that they don't work against).

SorosBot April 4, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Which is why they're trying their best to make sure the kids never get vaccinated for it; after all, those sluts deserve to punished with possible cervical cancer.

realmurkin April 4, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Whoops, you beat me to it. I wish comments on here would update in real time. Sorry about the repetition.

tessiee April 4, 2011 at 7:04 pm

"those sluts deserve to punished with possible cervical cancer. "

So, honor killing, just in slow motion?

realmurkin April 4, 2011 at 2:12 pm

And now that there's an HPV vaccine those same dinguses argue that it will make 12 year old girls into sluts and baby Jeebus will weep forever, the end. Pigfucktards do love themselves some HPV.

ChessieNefercat April 4, 2011 at 6:01 pm

I remember that argument when the shots first came out and thought it was stupid then, too.

I remember my daughter at 9 years of age. Had I told her that she was going to the doctor for a checkup and he would make sure her shots were up to date, it probably would not have even occurred to her to ask what the shots were for.

And if it had, I would have told her that one shot was to protect her from cervical cancer down the road. I'm pretty sure she would not have grilled me about the risk factors for cervical cancer, nor would she have said "Awesome, now I can brag to everybody at school that I can fuck every boy in school and not get cervical cancer. I'll be so popular!"

Stupid morons.

finallyhappy April 4, 2011 at 8:25 pm

See, you would have told her it will protect her from cancer whereas the rigthwingers are too stupid to think to say that- plus protecting anyone from venereal disease is wrong. Of course, when you marry- as a virgin, you will marry a virgin and if not, you deserve to get an STD- so no doubt, the GOP is riddled with many of the (is it now 31?) STDS

LiveToServeYa April 4, 2011 at 2:03 pm

All this monumental architecture is totally compensating for something, anyway.

DahBoner April 4, 2011 at 2:07 pm

In Russia, some days you eat the bear.

Some days the bear eats you…

prommie April 4, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Either way, you drink caucasions.

OneDollarJuana April 4, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Apropos of condoms, I noticed that "Microphallus" is now following me. Assuming the name is accurate, how can I tell that he is following me?

Rosie_Scenario April 4, 2011 at 2:26 pm

The aptly-named one is following me, too.

Karma_Suture April 4, 2011 at 6:35 pm

I think it is Microphallus because HE is a She…
checked out her/it's intense debate deally…
I guess it was a choice Microphallus or Megacunt.
http://intensedebate.com/people/Spanky2b

Fare la Volpe April 4, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Everyday 10,000 teens catch an STD

Hence why I only screw virgins.

SorosBot April 4, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Having to constantly teach kids who have no idea what they're doing seems like it would get tiring after a while.

DahBoner April 4, 2011 at 2:15 pm

Neil Jung?

Man, I was into Jung before complex, collective unconscious synchronicity was cool…

I could be happy the rest of my life with a cinnamon air-popped squirrel…

mereoblivion April 4, 2011 at 2:19 pm

Let's talk about sacks.

JustPixelz April 4, 2011 at 2:37 pm

If I'm interpreting this correctly, The Washington Penis gives Sexually Transmitted Democracy to the slutty countries around the world. (I'm winking at you, Virgin Islands.) But the big Trojan stops that spread. Why do condoms hate America?

Tundra Grifter April 4, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Is that the outtake video from Jessica Cutler's Playboy photo shoot?

BZ1 April 4, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Will Microphallus turn into Macrophallus?

ChessieNefercat April 4, 2011 at 6:03 pm

In his most secret, highly unrealistic dreams, perhaps.

LiveToServeYa April 4, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Now *that's* a big rubber. Or a stele-rubber, if you prefer.

lochnessmonster April 4, 2011 at 5:36 pm

I appreciate all the eagle eyes out there making sure these things a seen but some of it I just can't watch

MiniMencken April 4, 2011 at 5:59 pm

Let's talk about sex? With a teenager? Where is that legal?

Redhead April 4, 2011 at 7:24 pm

blue states.

ttommyunger April 5, 2011 at 11:09 am

Georgia, my friend; and most other Come to Jeebus States.

peterkondom August 31, 2011 at 11:34 am

it's legal in many countries, do your research
in my country is legal if she's over 16

Plowmon April 4, 2011 at 6:22 pm

I never got no STDs back in highschool, I'd ball 'em in the rumble seat of my Model A and then just put 'em back in the pen before daddy got started with chores…

tessiee April 4, 2011 at 7:13 pm

You tell 'em!
Why, back in my day, we didn't have no fancy monument rubbers!
If someone was nice enough to have sex with you, by golly, you sexed 'em!
And we were glad to get it, too!
We appreciated things!
Not like these kids today!
/old fart rant/

finallyhappy April 4, 2011 at 8:17 pm

Dule is busy with Psych – a lot better than the Event- but I watch them both

ttommyunger April 5, 2011 at 11:11 am

Learning about sex in attics, basements and cars was good enough for my generation. In fact, it was great!

poncho_pilot April 4, 2011 at 1:51 pm

don't forget the lawyers.

Limeylizzie April 4, 2011 at 5:06 pm

But, in my mind, you are the proud owner of The Trunk of Righteousness.

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