Hot Girl Totally Into You Until Condom Appears

  PSA fail


Here’s some Public Service Announcement sent to your editor. Look how the happy, pretty girl totally scowls when your “helicopter” puts the condom on your “Washington Monument.” Gah, condoms! Don’t ruin another “sexy weekend in D.C.” by unrolling some gross old condom. Playas don’t need a raincoat!

And here’s Part Two of that video, when some random black actor playing “Barack Obama” looks away as the Washington Monument explodes, when the condom is taken off. Also there is like some weird Hawks & Doves-esque Neil Young tribute band playing in the background, the end.

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A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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128 comments

      1. Failure_Artist

        Ugh I should have known. I thought it was weird that they (the National Park Service?) would actually allow this.

  1. TanzbodenKoenig

    Everyday 10,000 teens catch an STD

    C'mon kids, everybody's doin it! You don't wanna be the only one of your friends without the clap, do you?

  2. baconzgood

    You know, till seeing this PSA I never made the connection that the Washington Monument obelisk looked like a phallus.

  3. V572..whatever

    That's not a random Black actor. That's Blair Underwood, part-time star of every B-list teevee series eveh, going back to "LA Law."

    Jeebus I'm embarrassed that I know this. Downfist me now, troll!

    1. V572..whatever

      Thank you, troll! May I please have another?

      Also my car could use a nice washing.

      1. TanzbodenKoenig

        Haha, in case you haven't noticed he's changed his name to Microphallus, i don't know if he gets the joke.

        1. ChessieNefercat

          How do you find out the name?
          Apologies in advance if this is a really dumb questionm.

          1. SorosBot

            Check out your profile, he's probably among your last 5 visitors as he's stalking all of us – and yes, he is. His original name "Spanky2b" shows up; clicking on that will take you to his profile with his latest names and ramblings.

    2. not that Dewey

      I knew that, mainly from his role on Sex 'n the City, which is even more embarrassing.

  4. DownFist Troll

    She's mad because condoms cause abortions and aids. It's true, the Pope said so.

  5. memzilla

    It would have been more impressive if the Washington Monument had been climbed by a giant crab louse.

    1. Trannysurprise

      That PSA is coming next. Except all the actor does is walk into The Big Hunt and voila, covered in crabs.

    2. ChessieNefercat

      That would have been an interesting movie back in the 50's, even if relegated to Army hygiene flicks.

    3. tessiee

      "The giant 50-foot-tall preying mantis was shot down over Newark!"
      "Thereby improving TWO things!"
      /MST3K/

        1. Limeylizzie

          I thought my days of small dicks were over when I first beheld the glory of MrLimeyLizzie's "Log of Justice" but apparently not as Microphallus is now following me

          1. Chet Kincaid

            Oh Lizzie, please leave Mr. Limeylizzie's Log out of this, it bums me out. And, "Log Of Justice?" Refrain from commenting in the form of Ginny Thomas, also.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      "…thoughts within."

      You're very kind to ascribe "thoughts" to the rare zot! resulting from the occasional synaptical twitches of the two, dare I say, limp, neurons lying on the bottom of his largely empty cranium.

  6. Troubledog

    Damn, it's like that crazy night we partied at Assange's house. He was all like hey, let's use these condoms and the bitches were like no way, dude. And so Julian gets a condom on and the crazy one tore the end off of it? Then the quiet one started talking about having his babies and destiny and shit? Man, that was a fucked up party.

  7. DashboardBuddha

    "What's a phallus?"

    That's the name of our next troll stalker. They really don't get it.

    1. DashboardBuddha

      Seconds…mere seconds…that's all it took for downfister mini-dick to do his work! Do these assholes work in shifts?

  8. DashboardBuddha

    I hate this anti-american shit. If George Washington wore a condom, how could he have been the Father of our Country?

    1. Doktor Zoom

      He impregnated ladies, but not the British ladies.

      When he wasn't fucking the shit out of bears.

  9. MinAgain

    Hey, now. If Washington had put a condom on his "monument" back in the day, he never would have become the father of our country.

    1. aguacatero

      He didn't need one — while he blamed Martha for their inability to have children, it is now believed the problem lay with him.

      1. ChessieNefercat

        "…the problem lay with him"
        Are you saying "the problem" who lay with him gave him something that caused sterility, hmm?

  10. Gold_ManSacks

    There are 999 other guys out there sharing the love with 10 teens a day? We should start a facebook group.

  11. Barbara_i

    I would have chosen the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception. I'd like to see Palin's head explode after that.

      1. Barbara_i

        Monument? I don't think they call tunnels "monuments" They should slap a toll booth on it and save the economy from ruin.

        1. Fare la Volpe

          This is Madame Palin speaking. She thinks an ant hill with her name on it is a monument.

    1. poncho_pilot

      "I'd like to see Palin's head explode after that."

      i would feel the same way no matter what sentence preceded this one.

    1. Thunderclees

      Could be Indian—word is Trojan had to create a new, smaller-girth condom for the Indian market.

      I don't know what this means, and I don't care to find out.

  12. Radio_______

    According to David Barton PhD. (Hon.), the Washington Monument was erected as a tribute to our Christian heritage.
    And a big dick would know about a big dick.

    1. BlueStateLibel

      You didn't miss anything–just a bunch of hot naked chicks pole-dancing around the Washington Monument. Our first Founding Father would have been proud.

  13. Dudleydidwrong

    There once was a lady named Alice
    Who used a dynamite stick for a phallus
    They saw her vagina
    Over North Carolina
    And her ass headed west over Dallas.

    I hate limericks.

    1. DashboardBuddha

      OT

      There once was a whore from New York
      Who was known to be fond of her work
      She said to her client, "now, don't be defiant…
      you can eat me, but you can't use a fork"

      1. baconzgood

        There was once a man from Nantucket
        With a dick so long he could suck it
        He said with a grin
        While wiping his chin
        "if my ear were c**t I'd fuck it"

    2. Doktor Zoom

      A decrepit old gas-man named Peter,
      while hunting around for the meter,
      touched a leak with his light.
      He arose out of sight
      and as anyone reading this can plainly see, he also completely destroyed the meter.

  14. DashboardBuddha

    Maybe their time would be better spent as WoW gold farmers. They would have a job providing a desired service, plus they can hang out in mom's basement all day playing games and not bothering us. Win!

  15. prommie

    Every pigfucker in jeebus-loving flyover-'tard-land knows that the HPV virus can kick any condom's ass. The HPV virus is like the Dale Earnhardt of STDs, it will just run your condom right into the wall, and infect your ass, for the sin of having non-procreative sex with a human (pigs are fair game). Thats all it's legal to teach the pigfucktards, that condoms ain't shit against HPV (its the only thing they could find that they don't work against).

    1. SorosBot

      Which is why they're trying their best to make sure the kids never get vaccinated for it; after all, those sluts deserve to punished with possible cervical cancer.

      1. realmurkin

        Whoops, you beat me to it. I wish comments on here would update in real time. Sorry about the repetition.

      2. tessiee

        "those sluts deserve to punished with possible cervical cancer. "

        So, honor killing, just in slow motion?

    2. realmurkin

      And now that there's an HPV vaccine those same dinguses argue that it will make 12 year old girls into sluts and baby Jeebus will weep forever, the end. Pigfucktards do love themselves some HPV.

      1. ChessieNefercat

        I remember that argument when the shots first came out and thought it was stupid then, too.

        I remember my daughter at 9 years of age. Had I told her that she was going to the doctor for a checkup and he would make sure her shots were up to date, it probably would not have even occurred to her to ask what the shots were for.

        And if it had, I would have told her that one shot was to protect her from cervical cancer down the road. I'm pretty sure she would not have grilled me about the risk factors for cervical cancer, nor would she have said "Awesome, now I can brag to everybody at school that I can fuck every boy in school and not get cervical cancer. I'll be so popular!"

        Stupid morons.

        1. finallyhappy

          See, you would have told her it will protect her from cancer whereas the rigthwingers are too stupid to think to say that- plus protecting anyone from venereal disease is wrong. Of course, when you marry- as a virgin, you will marry a virgin and if not, you deserve to get an STD- so no doubt, the GOP is riddled with many of the (is it now 31?) STDS

  16. OneDollarJuana

    Apropos of condoms, I noticed that "Microphallus" is now following me. Assuming the name is accurate, how can I tell that he is following me?

    1. SorosBot

      Having to constantly teach kids who have no idea what they're doing seems like it would get tiring after a while.

  17. DahBoner

    Neil Jung?

    Man, I was into Jung before complex, collective unconscious synchronicity was cool…

    I could be happy the rest of my life with a cinnamon air-popped squirrel…

  18. JustPixelz

    If I'm interpreting this correctly, The Washington Penis gives Sexually Transmitted Democracy to the slutty countries around the world. (I'm winking at you, Virgin Islands.) But the big Trojan stops that spread. Why do condoms hate America?

  19. lochnessmonster

    I appreciate all the eagle eyes out there making sure these things a seen but some of it I just can't watch

  20. Plowmon

    I never got no STDs back in highschool, I'd ball 'em in the rumble seat of my Model A and then just put 'em back in the pen before daddy got started with chores…

    1. tessiee

      You tell 'em!
      Why, back in my day, we didn't have no fancy monument rubbers!
      If someone was nice enough to have sex with you, by golly, you sexed 'em!
      And we were glad to get it, too!
      We appreciated things!
      Not like these kids today!
      /old fart rant/

  21. ttommyunger

    Learning about sex in attics, basements and cars was good enough for my generation. In fact, it was great!

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