McDonald's Will Hire 50,000 of America's 24.3 Million Unemployed

Good news, hamburglars! Industrial cow-parts processor "McDonaldland Corporation" will hire 50,000 of the nation's 24,300,000 million officially unemployed, "involuntary part-time" and "discouraged" workers. Just show up at your local McDonald's (or the other one, at the next offramp) on April 19 and you may be one of the lucky .002% of unwanted American laborers to get a job assembling McGriddles at 5 a.m. until robots take over all fast food jobs in 2014. Winning the Future!

 USA Today , which we love specifically for its deadpan ability to reprint dumb corporate press releases as "news articles," provides the following inspirational details:  

McDonald’s (MCD) plans to hold its first national hiring day April 19 to fill 50,000 jobs at its restaurants nationwide. The company says it is making a concerted effort to add staff as its business improves and more of its restaurants stay open 24 hours a day.

The company’s hiring goal translates to between three and four new hires per restaurant.

Twenty-four hours a day! Because god forbid you have to make it through the wee small hours between closing time and Sausage-Biscuit time without a McRib and 72 ounces of corn syrup ....

The same blurb then says the salt 'n fat chain's turnover "slowed because of the weak economy," so maybe it's hiring even less anusburger flippers than usual? Who knows, right? Just put it in the paper, call it a day.

Also: When the chain's stores in the west had a regional hiring day in 2010, some 60,000 turned up in desperate hope of getting one of the 13,000 jobs offered. [ USA Today ]