How does a bland lone-horse candidate like Tim Pawlenty get attention when Donald Trump’s fake presidential contest is much more interesting? Not the birther “issue!” According to Pawlenty, he watched CNN say they saw Obama’s birth certificate, and he trusts them. What? Here’s Pawlenty’s plan: “Our role is not to be one of many, it’s not to lag behind China, our role as the United States of America is to lead the world in everything.” Everything! Watch out, China, we’re gonna top you in jailing dissidents. You think you hang a lot of your citizens, Gaddafi? Wait till Pawlenty’s in office! Is America currently not leading the world in force-feeding the elderly gasoline? Pawlenty’s got a plan to fix entitlements!
Later, Pawlenty said he thinks, because Obama doesn’t know what he’s doing, the U.S. is going to plunge into another recession. How patriotic of him! It’ll be great for the markets to have the next president saying we’re doomed to go into a recession at any minute.
And then, at the end, he inexplicably tosses a tiny toy football with Hannity. Woah, those guys are pretty fucking American! [YouTube]
{ 70 comments }
Not the only balls these guys have handled.
The smile and the miniature football toss; that's a gay thing, right?
Sort of like the old-school signals of the earring in a certain ear, or the hankie in a certain pocket?
Wasn't the football code for having a jockstrap fetish?
We lead in Koran burnings, apparently, as well…
Go Tom!
Ladies and Gentlemen: THE GOLD DUST TWINS: SUCKEE AND FUCKEE!!! "Tim and Sean, sitting in a tree, s-u-c-k-i-n-g! " Sorry, couldn't click on that two-person circle jerk.
Dude, that football has been in Hannity's ass–gross.
It wasn't a little green football. FAIL.
When Pawlenty is president, America will lead the world in narcolepsy.
Question number one fromHannity: "I haven't paid much attention to this issue until lately, but is the President a Kenyan?"
I think the actual phrasing would more along the lines of, "I assume you've paid more attention to this issue than I have, so you no doubt know polls show a lot of Americans think the president is from Kenya, in Africa. Would you tell them they should give up their belief?"
And the tag line at the bottom of the screen would again read, "Obama Not American?"
Fuck Hannity.
It's Friday and I needs my Benincasa
fapfixHave you been listening to her podcast, Sex and Other Human Activities?
I won't clicky this. I
know who the fine haired asshole under the arrow is, but who is this Pawlenty fellow?
They call him T-Paw, which I think means he is the white Eminem? Or Vanilla Ice, I forget.
Lead the world in everything? Even mosque building? ZOMG! T-Paw will cram hot throbbing Sharia law down our throats! He's a Mooooooslim!!
Nah, Lindsey Graham's gonna do that.
"Hot Throbbing Sharia" is the name of a dancer down at the Whassup Pussy(cat!) club downtown.
“Our role is not to be one of many, it’s not to lag behind China, our role as the United States of America is to lead the world in everything.”
We already lead in unemployment, the rest should be easy.
Don't forget fatassedness
Although you could see the shadows of both of the Koch Bruddahs' schlongs on the background.
"Pawlenty Wants U.S. #1 In Pet Rape".
Needs more sheep!
baaaaaaaaaaaaad
More pet rape will only lead to more aborted rat babbys in toilets.
Those damn demon sheep were asking for it.
That guy offers paw-lenty of nothing.
Didn't Porgy sing that in "Porgy and Bess"?
Are you thinking of 'I Loves you, Timmeh?' Now that's good, clean, colored-entertainment.
T-Paw believes in America's recession exceptionalism.
As Governor, Pawlenty had all the personal magnetism of a township supervisor, the fiscal skills of Jeff Skilling, the erudition of Louie Gohmert, and the leadership of a bawling baby.
Looks like he's a shoo-in for the GOP nomination.
Don't forget, he's hung like Newt Gingrich.
Or he's hung like a newt.
The tiny football was the most informative part of that segment.
Once again, a concrete pumper truck full of unperceptive, monotonous, and essentially otiose questions from Hannity. At the start I though T-PAW was gonna cross-check the Seanster for his seemingly unending birther questions. Compared to Hannity, Puhleanty sounded almost reasonable. Well not really, but ya get my drift. Doesn't seem that you could clear all the shit from Hannity even giving him an upper GI with a fire hose.
The GI is the wrong place to hose out Hannity. His overly large dome is where the impacted feces is worst.
Good point Breit. Then perhaps a large ear syringe to load buckets of dung beetle larvae to help clear his mind.
Stalin's favorite geneticist (later much beloved by Great Leap Forward Mao), one Trofim Lysenko, argued that by gradually moving warm weather crops northward each season, they would eventually adapt to the point that one could grow oranges at the North Pole.
What's this to do with the post at hand? If we as a nation slowly crept northward, shedding the South and deranged West and acquiring the pathologically sensible Canadians, perhaps some day we could grow democracy at the North Pole.
Hey! Another mile west and I'd have to be a dolphin! I don't like sex in the water because the lube just washes away and things chafe, which really makes me question how and why dolphins do it anyway. Maybe jellyfish make a decent waterproof lube? If so, would they hold up in a hot tub? My point is, just because I am in the west, I'm not deranged. I'm pretty sure it is hereditary, not environmental.
Dear Heloise,
Aren't slugs naturally lubricated? The trails on my windows would seem to suggest so.
Sincerely,
Dry Hump in Arkansas
Yes, but saltwater wreaks havoc on our skin. Two seconds in salt, and we look like Courtney Love.
Nematocysts for her pleasure.
Now that is a very cunning plan, friend. I love the idea of slowly creeping towards beautiful Quebec…
Talk about incoherent, incompetent, disrespectful, thy name is Pawlenty…
Ahhh, good ol' Tim "I-used-to-be-a-kinda-likable-guy-with-no-real-baggage-'tiI-decided-to-run-for-President-and-started-pandering-to-the-lowest-common-denominator-regardless-of-how-racist,-bigoted,-or-ignorant-they-are" Pawlenty.
When it comes to jailing people, USA is already number one, thank you very much. No other banana republic or Middle Kingdom is even close on a per capita basis. USA! USA! Fuck yeah!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incarceration
Hey, Hannity is doing his part to make up the pet rape gap. More than his share if you count all of those neighbors' pets that he molested.
It's often a fine line between rape and inadequate foreplay.
Well, we know that under Pawlenty, we will lead the world in bridge collapses.
Warning!
*****************************SPOILER ALERT!!!**********************
If you're not familiar with Sean Hannity, he can be best described as a pathological liar.
Lying is a part of Hannity's autonomic nervous system.
I thought he was programed daily with RNC talking points. Every time new ones are programmed in, the old ones are erased, so he has no sense of consistency to worry about.
The question is, what stupid thing did Pawlent do that he had to go on Hannity, the place Conservative Politicians go if they don't want to be asked real questions. Has he been molesting dogs of late? At least then he and Hannity would have something in common other than hating anyone that does have Koch dollars.
Pawlenty's U.S.–Leading the world in Wonder Bread mayonnaise sandwiches served with a glass of milk on a white formica table with white cotton table top and shiny white seats in a diner made of the skins of white Public Sector Union members.
Tim Pawlenty is a "Major Player"? That's the best they got?
Looks like another 4 years of cope and change!
I'll take the cope….
I see a pattern here, Sarah was dumping on China in her ultra-famous India speech and now Talibland T-Paw is picking up the teabagger dog-whistle. China bad, U.S. Exceptional.
They better be careful or else they won't have any cheap mini-flags to wave this Fourth of July.
When the new recession starts, will Santorum blame it on abortion?
If we want to lead the world in executions this country had better start judicially killing prisoners a lot faster. As of now we are behind (in order) China, Iran, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, the Democratic Republic of the Congo and Egypt. While that is certainly good company for a freedom loving nation we are still far from number one.
We can lead the world in everything right now by simply redefining "lead" to mean "be 39th or worse". Done!
America number 1 in producing the elite idiot politician.
Already winning on the highest per capita ratio of Hoverrounds! Take that Chinese.
Number 1 in making rape victims pay for their own rape kits! Oops, I forgot, there are no rape victims, only rape accusers. Hooray!!!11!
We're already #1 on pets that fake rape in order to get federally-funded abortions.
Lead the world in everything?
Listening At Gunpoint with Ted Nugent – coming soon to FOX NEWS!
"Contaminated feeding bags" indeed.
Tim is nice. Minnesota White..errr…nice.
T-Paw is a D-Bag.
But did he say it in a funny southern accent? I am no longer interested in anything T-Paw has to say unless he says it in a funny southern accent.
I love that line at the begining "Take back Our government." Our Sean? Really?
First candidate to form a PEC, hrmmm? Pics or GTFO!
What happens when you are number one at not being number one?
YOR HED ASSPLODE!
Comments on this entry are closed.