Well that worked! Alleged “natural-born citizen” Donald Trump, if that is his real name, has been appearing on Fox for the past few weeks to say increasingly ridiculous things about President Obama’s birth and Muslims and the like, a sort of unpaid Fox contributor internship. But now, thanks to his good performance, he has been hired for a part-time gig as one of the resident Fox & Friends idiots. Congratulations, terrorist!
Newell:
Supposedly Fox News’ policy was to cut its contributors who are considering presidential runs, but that was at least a week or two ago and conditions on the ground have changed. Thank goodness. Because he won’t be on any terrible Fox News show, either. His weekly segment will be on Fox & Friends, the network’s illiterate dementia variety hour. “Monday Mornings with Trump,” as it will be titled, consolidates three of Americans’ least favorite things into four words. Have you set your TiVo yet?
More like have you set your TIME MACHINE yet! Is it humanly possible to wait until Monday?
Meanwhile, questions remain about Trump’s birth certificate. We still haven’t seen photos to verify that he actually ever was a “child,” as his most recent certificate says, a document that also doesn’t disclose any of Trump’s real estate holdings or current profession as a fake presidential candidate fake fake celebrity. HMM. It would be so easy for him to clear this up. He’s clearly hiding something. [Gawker/Mediaite]
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I thought they fired presidential "contenders." WTF?
only the real ones
Real?!
Master of bankruptcy appears on teevee network which is bankrupt of facts. Makes sense.
There's only so much room for bloviating , lying, carpetbagging, demagoguing, douchebagging, skulduggery, and tea bagging on any given morning show. And yet somehow Fox and Friends just rapes the rules of good taste without missing a beat.
In fairness to Fox & Friends, the rules of good taste were asking for it, and since it wasn't forcible rape, we're gonna have to bring this little bad-haired fetus to term.
That is an insult to rape.
"Doocey, you're fired."
If only! From your mouth to Murdoch's ears.
Next will be Truther Truth Tuesday with Charlie Sheen and Jesse Ventura
Can we also have Starwacker Saturdays with Randy Quaid and his wife?
Friday — Fairytales of Freedom with Victoria Jackson.
I don't know about Sheen, but Ventura is too smart and probably too liberal for Fox (in the henhouse) News. Although It'd be fun if he assaulted O'Reilly, Hannity, et al., on the air! For real too, I doubt they could fake it as well as the average pro wrestler.
Fake birth certificate, fake millions, fake hair, what is actually real about this man? BTW, I also was born in NY, had to get a copy of my birth certificate three years ago–it looks NOTHING LIKE that phony excuse piece of crap he released.
He's apparently really bad at business. Lost money owning a casino. How do you do that, exactly?
It is a mystery. You open the doors to big room full of games of "chance," and the suckers come in expecting to leave some of their money behind in exchange for the privilege of watching blinking lights, listening to jingling bells and superannuated musicians, and breathing smoky air. And somehow this monstrous comb-over loses money in such a business.
Technically he was born in New Amsterdam which is Dutch for "Yellow Hamster."
If Donald Trump didn't exist we wouldn't have to invent him because, seriously, what is it with this fucking waste of carbon?
That video has more assholes than a gas station hot dog
That coinage is utterly magnificent.
Reminiscent of James Joyce.
But with more assholes!
It almost makes you think all his talk about a Presidential run were just an attempt to get attention because the ratings for his reality show have cratered and he figures he needs a new job quick.
Objection! Assumes sentience not in evidence!
Did his hair get it's own show too?
It's hosting the Market Roundup show on Fox Business Channel.
I could've sworn I saw it on "Swamp People." An alligator hawked it up on the river bank and the swamp people (more heads than teeth) were beating it with a baseball bat.
I'm thinking of a career shift. If I buckle down and really concentrate on being a world class douche bag with a bad hair cut, do you think Faux Noose will hire me? I can act crazy and say stupid shit already so I'm 1/2 way there.
Can you plausibly argue that you're really, really rich, even though you have only the tiniest interest in great big projects, many of which have failed or will soon?
Afternoon lead-in to to the Major on the FOX Report: Bacon n' Dale.
I like it, especially the top billing. If you can come up with some crazy birther non-sense you can be part of the discussion panel.
It would appear that rumors of The Donald's presidential run were trumped-up
That pun made my snark frowny.
An additional idiot on Fox. As if one needed yet another reason not to watch that crap.
No wonder the wingnut right thinks education is completely unnecessary to a successful life. Look at the cavalcade of well-paid buffoonery in front of them on a daily basis. Who couldn't aspire to be Steve Doocey (or whatever his name is)?
Man, and I thought he was working for leftwing defense contractor GE over at the Nationalized Bolshevik Channel, or whatever.
Isn't this how "Lonesome Rhodes" got his start in "A Face in the Crowd"?
The what-the-fuck-is-that-thing-haired guy that isn't Steve Doocy….
He will be invaluable as a source for information on marriage counseling, hair styling, financial investments, and so much more!
ask for the onion loaf.
When the class war starts, please let it begin at the Fox and Friends studio. I want to see Doocey's head on a pike, up close.
So THAT'S why they invented HDTV! Bring it on!
Looks like Fox offered more than the Libyan Foreign Minister gig.
I will reluctantly acknowledge that Trump was born and continues to exist. However, the thing that'll really knock him out considering a real run for the office is that he'll have to disclose how much he's worth, a number he routinely doubles or triples, or just plain makes up. Fox is only being sensible in banking on his reluctance to reveal what a bullshitter he's been all these years.
By the way, where's Troll today out sick? I haven't got down fisted all day. It's just not the same on Wonkette today.
I was downfisted earlier today.
I thought your avatar looked especially pleased with itself. I hope the Log of Justice was served, as well.
He had to make a Cheetos® run, but his Hoverround® had a low battery.
I'm waiting for his new reality show where he picks his VP running mate Apprentice-style.
Trump/Meatloaf '12…Bold AND Brash
An ego the size of a garage and a meatloaf in every pot!
Thiswill raise the credibiltiy of Fox-N-Newsystuff.
If "The Donald" is up here and on Fox and Friends then who is running Hell?
Robert Novak?
Fox and Friends is hell.
No, I'm sorry. We were looking for "Other People." We also would have accepted "War." But the question distinctly asked for a metaphor, not an empirical fact.
See mah personal description!
Pig!
That'll do, pig.
(Sorry.)
Union Carbide?
How the hell can that asshole have a gig on Fox News and a show on NBC? And does anyone really like the guy? He's nouveau riche personified.
Fox is the last refuge of the scoundrel.
Do posts about Trump attract a lot of clicks? Because otherwise I'd rather hear about Barbari_i's relatives' visit.
Ah yes. The Donald. A shining example of the intellectual and moral superiority of our betters. Clearly we deserve to be reduced to peonage in homage to such greatness. E must be a king. E asn't got shit all over him, unlike the rest of us.
Speaking of wealthy individuals pretending to run for President, Ole Newt's financial angel appears to be have flown too close to the ground:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/42377799/ns/politics-...
Newtie's biggest contributor is a criminal? Who woulda thunk it.
I read that title and started to wonder why Donald Trump was donating so much to Newt's campaign.
Donald Trump a.k.a. Don McLeod a.k.a. Donny Soetero WE WANT THE LONG FORM BURF CERTIFiKAT!!!11111!
And I'd like hairpiece's burf certifikat, too. Looks Afghani to me.
For a minute I thought that said Long Form BURP Certificate.
'Dipshits, Trump & Thieves' has a nice ring to it.
Meh, I preferred Cher's version.
No one at FOX likes to cher.
I'd rather watch Howard Beale.
Message is pretty clear here:
Remember the Mane!
My nose is very happy that I had just finished by last coffee. Ten thumbs up.
I remember in high school, when we'd go to the biology lab, how it smelled so bad but after about ten minutes you'd be used to it and not notice anymore. It seems like the same sort of thing happened with Fox & Friends so to keep getting noticed they just had to up the stink factor a notch. Congratulations, Fox! You still reek!
Why is everyone so enthralled with this sub standard piece of bio mass? I may be wrong on this but, I'm willing to bet that if you were a shareholder in any of his publicly traded companies you would be under water at this point. Maybe that's the achievement, being a MAJOR LOSER while acting like you're a winner.
Charlie Sheen's not the only one who's WINNING.
On the other hand, I have no desire to see Trump's long-form hair.
With just a patch left open on the back of her neck so she doesn't die, like in Goldfinger. On second thought, fuck the patch.
OT but this made me happier than I have been all week.
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2011/04/01/wi-dems-hav...
Thanks for the link. This made my day
Just when you think karma's a bitch, it has puppies!
They already have Curly, Larry, and a pretty lady, and Trump as Moe Howard completes the formula.
(edit) actually Kilmeade is Larry, and Doocy is Shemp. There is no Curly, who loved life too much to be a Fox Fiend.
Without the "hair" The Donald could be Curly.
Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
Donald is more like "Curly Joe", who wasn't really that funny.
If that Trump half-wit is a billionaire, why does he have hair like a Walmart clerk? He also appears to have a Gingrich-like body. What a loser.
…and the personality of Giuliani, the charisma of Pawlenty and the intellect of Palin. The man's a veritable Republican Frankenstein.
Speaking of which, have we here ever seriously considered the prospect of creating a pseudo-PAC called "Vivisectionists For The GOP"? We could host the domain on Go Daddy, for irony.
You libtards don't understand. The man wants to get tough with China. Trump is use to taking on the big boys. Remember, he took the growing USFL, decided to go after the NFL and WON!!!! A $3 jury award and the league folded. Winning!!
Brian Kilmead is the smart one.
Seems to me we've set a whole new bar this year for attention whores. Even the long-serving whores like Newt and Sheen and even Chris Brown have seriously stepped up their game to compete with the cast of the Jersey Shore and Michele Bachmann. So far, The Donald may be winning. But hey … it's only April.
As long as there are questions about Trump's birth certificate, I will refer to him snottily as "Donald Soetero MacLeod".
It's not dead. I've seen it licking its nuts on more than one occasion.
Donald will personally pay for her boob job, so long as he gets to do the QA/QC inspection.
Frankly, the only thing halfway palatable about anything with the Trump moniker emblazoned on it is his line of Vodka.
And you thought I was going to say "his tombstone".
Who knew coming out as a birther would get you a job on Fox News?
Besides everyone?
FOX News: We do to Journalism what Trump did to his ex-wives!
Paid extravagantly for poor quality merchandise?
I'm just stunned at this announcement…shocked…flabbergasted…gobsmacked…really…
"HMM. It would be so easy for him to clear this up. He’s clearly hiding something." Besides a bald spot the size of a dinner plate and a penis the size of a small clitoris? I know it is wrong, shallow and illogical to judge according to appearances, but I would know Donald, Newt, Haley, Hanitty, Limbaugh and the like were douchnozzles at first fucking glance, guaranteed.
Does this man not have a real job, somewhere, besides making crap*y reality shows and bankrupting his make-believe empire?!
Fox 'n' Fiends would be more accurate, wouldn't it?
You would think that with all that money, he could afford a real hairstyle (and that goes for you too, Bill Gates).
DONALD TRUMP WAS BORN IN KENYA, HIS PARENTS ARE KENYAN ISLAMIC MUSLIM SECRET AGENTS OF TERRORISM, AND TRUMP IS A SECRET AGENT TERRORIST ISLAMIC MUSLIM, AND HIS ONLY GOALS ARE TO DESTROY AMERICA, TO DESTROY DEMOCRACY AND TO KILL ALL AMERICANS! TRUMP IS A RADICAL ISLAMCI TERRORIST, HE IS AN ILLEGAL ALIEN, AND HE WAS BORN IN KENYA!
Hey, we'll keep doing this until Trump notices or responds here on Wonkette, if that's okay!
Come on, Trump–let's see what you've got.
what an assface!
Is this the Donald's latest attempt to avoid bankruptcy?
My hypothetical grandkids will probably see their shrunken carcasses at a country fair freak show someday.
What do Americans have against "with"?
Kay, I was officially born in a toilet.
I ain't shit'n you.
Placenta came first.
What nationality do I belong?
I'm so confused.
Blue baby nation?
Thank Gawd mom didn't flush.
Gotta be his real hair: why would a rich man buy that rinse-cycle Ginger Rat?
Scum teams up with filth + it's a guaranteed lose-lose deal = lulzmonger can haz a happy!
Will Trump hire Blagojevich as the meteorologist?
jim newell is good people.
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