Is Mitt Romney running for president? Are Native Americans actually Jews?! Of course he is! He’s always running for president. But Mittens is playing along with this game all the other candidates are doing, putting off announcing their run for as long as possible in the hope that, by the time the Republican electorate realizes all the candidates are boring and awful, one of them will have wrapped up the nomination. In order to start raising money, though, Romney will file some paperwork with the FEC this month. That doesn’t mean he will have a “full-fledged campaign” going. He just needs to raise a whole lot of money, very quickly, for, uh, something.
There is no hard date set yet — or at least outside Romney backers haven’t been informed of one yet — for either the initial filing of paperwork or an eventual actual declaration of candidacy. The campaign-in-waiting in Boston wants to be flexible about timing so as not to be locked into a day that could be overwhelmed by other news.
It’ll be easy to get the American people excited to elect their charismatic new leader, this random rich milquetoast who once bought himself a governorship! As long as nothing interesting happens in the world at all between now and the time they go to the polls. Wait till they hear this funny new story about the time he almost caused the family dog to commit suicide! [Politico]
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Not a chance. The party he is a member of is brutally opposed to any candidate that would actually attempt to solve a problem.
He just has to say he strayed with "RomneyCare" because he loves America too much.
I'm tingly already.
That's just your magic underwear talking.
And they haven't even deployed the fudge-n-latex-glove picture yet.
"about timing so as not to be locked into a day that could be overwhelmed by other news."
Yeah, hate to have to compete with all that "Kitten Plays With String" ink.
Wow! Mormoms are allowed to dance now? How progressive.
He's not dancing, he's having a seizure you insensitive monster.
Salt Lake City StageDive™
That's what the lead singer of the Used called pleasuring Kelly Osbourne.
He's just trying to adjust his magic underwear.
That's how those people sleep.
Either that, or the rent boy was photoshopped out.
He looks like he's doing the Hitler Jig…
Dancing, yes. Alcohol, caffeine, possessing the ability to critically think about whether a con man from NY State could have made that stuff up, no.
YOU LIE!!!!
Sorry, just looking for an excuse to post my favorite Mormon motivational posters. And to once again thank all the gods I don't believe in that I managed to convince my wife that perhaps Mormonism IS a steaming pile . . . http://mormongags.com/content/winning http://mormongags.com/content/death-america
Are Native Americans actually Jews?!
Enquring minds want to know!
To Mormons, they're one of the lost tribes of Israel. The Fukawi, I believe.
The "Fuckallyall?" Is that some kind of secret damn mormon insult or something, buddy?!
So they're from Fukushima, Japan?
Hate to be non-snarky here but yes, Native Americans along with every other people can be and are Jews. We try to keep out Republicans but have not been successful
Everyone can potentially convert to Judaism, but the Mormons have the unique belief that some tribe(s?) of Israel literally crossed the Atlantic and founded a civilization. They believe that Jesus appeared to these folks too. But then they rejected God and descended into a primitive band of nomads who eventually populated the Americas as the "Native Americans".
I didn't know that!. My grandparents also came over a ship(in steerage) and rejected Jesus. I will ask Mittens to tell me which Native Americans he thinks are my relatives- I will claim kinship and get the Jewish casino per cap.
In submarines. With windows.
See the Hekawi Indians in the old F Troop TV show:
"As a sly jest based on the myth that Native Americans are the 13th tribe of Israel, many of the Hekawi Indians were played by veteran Yiddish comedians using classic Yiddish shtick."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/F_Troop#The_Hekawi_t...
Look for the tail and horns for confirmation.
http://mormongags.com/content/jews
Well, he is sure to get the "Lord of the Dance" vote.
Not while he's moving his arms like that! Blasphemy!
I was just filing some major paperwork; had to flush twice.
Ture soundtrack: "Hrrrrrgggghhh…oops. got a little Mitt on me…hhhrrrrgghhh…"
Wow! Talk about light in the loafers. Magik Underwear?
The GOP's best prospect is a former governor of Massachusetts who instituted universal healthcare. And if you listen very carefully you can hear Michael Dukakis cursing Lee Atwater over and over.
"No, really, Governor, all the tankers wear these helmets, really! This'll make you look like a military leader!"
Romney should announce the same day that Pawlenty does. That way Mittens' announcement won't be overshadowed by something more interesting.
Are Native Americans actually Jews?!
They were in "Blazing Saddles" so it must be true.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYVtGqnjrgs
"LOZEM GEYN!!!!"
I'm sure he's had more than one hard date. I mean, how many kids does he have?
Romney'll never get the dog vote!
It's interesting that while rest of the GOP contenders are frantically clawing their way to the top of the Pyramid of Krazy, Mittens and T-Paw are trying to outbland each other. Mittens is currently at "plain Cream of Wheat." T-Paw is expected to counter with "wet cardboard."
Shouldn't there be a MoveOn supporter's head under that left foot?
Who will have the most magical Mormon underwear, Romney or Huntsman? Only time will tell.
Since the Koch Court has killed any rulez on campaign finance, Mittens has to start his fudge packing early. Bottoms up, so to speak.
So how much of kids' inheritances is he going to waste this time around?
All of it, Katie.
He's on to the grandkids, now.
I'm looking forward to the first debate, to see the smiles when all the candidates come pouring out of that one little car.
Mittens YAY my favorite alien to make fun of is BACK HAHA
"He just needs to raise a whole lot of money, very quickly, for, uh, something."
Umm … sister wives?
YES. For his cinema verite remake of "Big Love."
I can't wait to see what the 18 First Ladies wear to the Inaugural ball.
I'm thinking more and more that T-Paw will win the nom by default, simply by hanging in there.
He's going to get the Papoon for President vote: Not Insane!
As some (many?) Mormons believe in reincarnation, we'll need to see all of MIttens' birf certs.
I use Vitalis™ Hair Tonic. And I'm a Mormon.
YES WE (… might possibly at some time in the foreseeable future, if it doesn't offend too many people, and if the other Republicans promise not to be mean like that McCain fellow, and people remember to forget all about that Romney care thing … and the Mormon thing .. and the boring white guy thing …) CAN!
Mitt Romney 2012: Because Romney Cares!
No "Fudge/rubber glove" pic?
They'll use that when he announces his exploratory committee.
Why have a collection of stack photos if you're only going to use the one? (See alt-text)
You know who else was photographed in a pose that made it look like he was doing a dorky little dance?
Fred Astaire?
Glee's Will Schuster?
Pamela Anderson? Oh sorry, you said he.
Tom DeLay?
Bristol Palin?
Yes, but that was in another country, and, besides, the bitch is dead.
George W Bush?
Tucker Carlson?
Master of Puppets! I'm pulling your strings!
Just remember how well that worked for John Glen as America's first The Right Stuff candidate.
Too bad you can't win the nomination by bribing the members of the International Olympic Committee, if you could, Mittens would be in like Flynn. Mitt knows bribery.
Wow, what a coincedence. I am also going to start raising money in April. I don't have to file with the FEC because I am not running for anything. Should you want to give me money- I promise no annoying mail, email or phone calls.I also promise not to use your money for ads. I will provide complete transparency- I will use your money for me- travel, theater, fine food, really nice shoes(kind of like the GOP did for the Palins- but in my case, you never see photos, tweets, Facebook – NOTHING- about my spending of your money.
The fated format of the Founders was something like that. In order to take serious matters out of the hands of rubes, the voting of electors meant they simply picked the best Man of their region to go away and decide who's boss of us all. There was no chief executive tied to the electors at that point. And the Senate was picked by the various state legislators, in hopes of further restraining the mob. The House was a bone tossed to them so they would go along.
But by slow degrees, like in Invasion of the Body Snatchers, they crawled out of their graves and attacked DC with their pitchforks and torches. Now we're all doomed!
You know who else did a celebratory jig?
Michael Collins?
Fuck that asshole.
There's that.
The campaign-in-waiting in Boston wants to be flexible about timing so as not to be locked into a day that could be overwhelmed by other news.
Like today. They caught the runaway cobra. (I was rooting for him) How could Mitt's candadicy possibly compete with that?
Only for the Republican Party could successfully creating a universal health care program be consider a negative.
Like most rich, powerful men, Mitt Romney is fascinated by the taste of his own boogers. But not someone else's boogers. That is a nasty lie put out by the lamestream media.
How can I get a red "p" sticker? It's so hard to pair this greenish-peas colored thing.
No F: Troop. The Hakawi tribe. Where paleface and redskin both turn chicken. Rhymes with lickin.
Parmenter/Agarn 2012!
God bless those wacky cavalry men and their madcap antics! Why can't Hollywood produce quality entertainment like that anymore?
I really hopes he uses this as a platform to renounce his Mormonity. And then, and then, the Mormon leaders have a duelling press conference to say O Hells NO.
I didn't realize he had a talk show/recurring screaming head gig on Fox News (as is required of all Republican presidential candidates).
Shaka CAN!
And VCU is an artsy school.
BTW, tx for the Pablo heads up. We wrangled tickets for May 7th.
Glad that worked out! Cubism RULES.
Be there, or be- uh, squared.
Which makes squares out of both me and Mumblety-companion — we're out of town that weekend <insert sad face>
If a Mormon goes off the wagon, shouldn't somebody fer chrissakes keep them away from Captain Morgan?
Giant Leprechaun getz jiggy wit' it & the hair stays in place–don't underestimate Mitt.
Is he doing the "'Bristol' Stomp", or is it just me?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTlLUDJscSU
What a total Moroni this guy is.
Excellent. Way to quote the Book of Moran. The angel is a biggie
The odds are long, but the Tea Party has shown us that in the Republican base, math skills are not–how to put this delicately?–seen as a necessity.
I thought he announced his run already in his Christmas Card? Didn't one of his Mormon offspring's offspring actually spill the goods on grand-pappy?
Gawd. Mormons are soooooooooooooo booooorrrrriiiiiinnnnnggggg. They never do anything fun, like getting hammered or fucking their sisters… oh, wait. Never mind
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