bachmann/robert e. lee 2012

Dave Weigel Proves Michele Bachmann Is Kenyan Idiot

This would piss her off, if she knew how to read.Jabbering fucktard clownfish Michele Bachmann was one of the twelve or so teabaggers to “protest” in Washington today, by utterly failing to have a protest. But at least she posed with this sign announcing that she had escaped from Kenya, and that this strange white suburban wingnut village in Kenya was now missing its main idiot. Then Michele Bachmann walked into a tree and thanked George Washington for ending slavery and writing the bible, the end. [Dave Weigel’s Twitter thing]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne
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        1. DownFist Troll

          Doesn't she have like 14 kids? clearly she's doing something to keep her man coming back.

          1. deelzebub

            From what I've seen of her husband, she keeps him interested by letting him do her from behind while she wears a flannel shirt, a wig, and a fake mustache.

      1. gef05

        Yep. My best best mate was with a certifiably crazy gal for a couple of years. The sex was apparently wild – but the outline of her shoe tread on the side of his face, his black eyes, the cuts on his hands and arms, the destroyed property – it all just made it seem like a regular guy was keeping a crazy whore. I get the sadz whenever I hear the "crazy sex FTW" bullshit.

    1. Fuck Toad

      Nah, there are plenty of psychos who are just terrible in the sack. And Bachmann seems like the type who can only find pleasure from procreative, missionary-style, lights-out sex with no filthy moaning or needless touching of body parts.

      1. Not_So_Much

        It'd be like fucking a knothole in a piece of industrial siding. Pass.

        (But I'd donkey-punch that in a heartbeat.)

        1. Redhead

          But it makes such a nice ringing noise! I can tap her head instead of hitting it, if you'd like, that but that nice hollow sound wouldn't be as loud.

      1. HELisforHEL

        Yeah, they are. I still love them men folks, but they really do seem to like that idea of "Crazy in the head, Crazy in the bed". Until, as some folks have pointed out above, it spills over into every other aspect of the relationship, no matter how loosely defined. And it always ALWAYS spills over. BECAUSE THEY'RE CRAZY.

    2. Limeylizzie

      After all those kids it would be , as my Granny used to say, 'Like sticking your cock out of the wondow and trying to fuck the world'.

      1. Sparky_McGruff

        Your granny sounds a lot more fun than mine. My granny just used to bitch about how she shouldn't have to pay taxes, and that the "niggros and messicans" were taking over.

        1. Limeylizzie

          She was beyond fabulous, grew up in the industrial North and worked in a cotton mill when she was 12 years old, huge union supporter all her life , weighed about 90 lbs and stood just 4'9″ tall but was a giant , never heard a racist or mean thing from her but she loathed Maggie Thatcher!

          1. Limeylizzie

            So many stories about her, her Grandmother had 4 children , all by different fathers, we suspect she sold her favours as they were really poor, and my Grandmother was very dark, looked like Merle Oberon when she was young, and when she would go to the outdoor market , as a child, many of the stalls were Jewish-owned and operated and they would always claim her as “one of us” and give her free stuff! So, family lore has it that her father was a Jewsh peddlar in the Manchester area.

    3. magnetite

      No. Just no. This woman is nitroglycerine; and you're not supposed to jiggle, joggle or shake nitroglycerine.

      If you have been affected by issues covered by this comment please ask your nearest James Coburn for more information.

    4. Lost_Teabaggers

      Nahh…not me, when I see Bachmann I always remember that time she sexually assaulted Dubya after one of his bullshit "state of denial" speeches…I don't know 'bout you, but I'm not stickin' my dick in any woman with THAT low of standards. Besides, Bachmann probably hasn't been fucked in 30 years, she's married to a Republican male, after all. The bats moved in there the night of consumation when he exclaimed "you've got a uterus!" and ran out of the room screaming like a girl….probably more bats in that snatchs belfry than in Big Ben.

          1. Radiotherapy

            Somewhere in Kenya a village is missing a tree.

            (And fists for you all because of my "stupid" phone and I accidentally downfisted earlier.)

          2. nonbeliever7

            Aha…I've been afraid to admit it but my "stupid phone" also occasionally downfists. Nothing to do with failing eyesight and pre-martini jitters.

          3. Beowoof

            Now if someone would fist Michele and Sarah maybe we could get them to stay home and do just that guy.

  1. deelzebub

    As is often the case, there appears to be more press than protesters at a Teabagger rally.

    1. Beowoof

      Corporate Media giving us the objective view. All 100 teabaggers all day and all night. Union rights protesters by the 100,000, not so much.

    1. Sophist [غني عن ذلك]

      Well of course. President Stupid Sign would never defund the Dept. of Education and then invade Belgium, because it is an inanimate object and therefore incapable of action. A similar degree of wisom could not be expected of Bachmannnnnnnnnn.

  2. WhatTheHeck

    This is a sad day for trees. One of that tree’s siblings died to give birth to that sign.
    And now the tree can only weep with that sap standing next to it.

    1. PublicLuxury

      Bachmann made that tree get an abortion!?! She is killing baby trees. All trees have the right to life. Who cares if they are killed for housing and school supplies later. They need to be born? hatched? rooted? um ah planted. Yes. Planted.

    1. fuflans

      I could even tell from radio coverage how small the crowd was. Still!!! NPR felt the need to give them a full prime time segment.

      I say go ahead and defund.

    2. AKHottie

      And how does this differ from the other bagger gatherings? [Gatherings = group steeping of teh tea bags.]

    1. Terry

      It's DC. Everyone and everything is a Democrat except the GOP'ers who come to town related to an election cycle and a few old white guys up in Northwest.

  3. Callyson

    Most of the photographers appear to be down – blousing Bachmann…which, I guess, explains how that batshit crazy wingnut gets press…

  4. BarackMyWorld

    Somewhere in Minnesota there's an entire village worth of idiots that keep voting this dingbat into office.

    1. __kth__

      right, if their village was short an idiot they wouldn't notice, as there are too many to keep count

  5. PublicLuxury

    There's a new form of hallucinogen in my city. They're calling it Bachmann due to the length of time the user loses ties with reality. Users often claim to be transported back in time to the late 1700's when men wore wigs and weren't ridiculed.

  6. Gopherit

    I used to feel a twinge of pity when I'd see these kinds of fucktarded signs at teabagging rallies….you know, like you might feel for a dog that tries really hard to open a doorknob. Like, wow, you really think you're clever. Now, though, it just pisses me off. Fuck these fucking clowns.

  7. petehammer

    Although "SomeWhere" has an oddly capitalized W, the rest of the sign has good grammar and spelling.



    1. AKHottie

      Wait! Village is also capitalized in mid sentence. The rest was spell-checked. Proof that Koch has supplied auto-correct to teh sign makers. NOT false flagged – false auto-checked!!111!ELEVENtY

  8. Not_So_Much

    She's never going to make it nationally until she learns to use her rental terror-babies as stage props at these events.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Nah, they're too busy doing chores around the federally-subsidised farm, and sweatshopping leather key fobs and other craft shit for Michele to sell at the checkout down at the local truck stop.

  9. bflrtsplk

    She's like one of those people you see ranting on the corner with a sign and a tin cup that everyone crosses the street to avoid making eye contact. Wait, she is one of those people.

    1. WilliamHTaft

      So THAT'S why she stares off to the right slightly instead of straight ahead. She's adapting.

      1. bflrtsplk

        President Taft. I hear you've formed an exploratory committee to return to the White House, if only in spirit.

        1. WilliamHTaft

          Indeed. I would love nothing more than to engage further in the national debate but me and Ben Franklin's ghost are fascinated by this demonry you call an iPhone. It even has pornography! What a wonderful America you've all created!

  10. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Will you all stop complaining. She brought that nice sign to identify herself to others, and placed it aside when she agreed to a photo. What a nice, old, crazy lady.

  11. fuflans

    I just can't settle on which batshit republican lady is most annoying. Some days I think michele my belle. Other days you just have to go full palin.

  12. Redhead

    You know, I hear they're making great strides in eliminating fetal alcohol syndrome these days. Too bad they couldn't get to Bachmann's mom.

  13. Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum

    Humor tips 4 Baggerz – part 316:

    "Somewhere in Texas, a village is missing its idiot" is funny because W was famously ineloquent. Substituting "Kenya" for "Texas" is stupid because Obama is famously eloquent.

    Thank you for your attention. You may now resume your regular fart-sack activities.

    1. genxr

      They really don't get it. A few years ago my father was all excited to tell me a joke he heard on the Rush Limbaugh show, because it was so hilarious. It started like this:

      "So Al Gore was told by a general that 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq…"

    2. Sparky_McGruff

      No, it's funny because he's a nee-grah. Only they can't say that in public, so they have to make jokes like this one, or jokes about his teleprompter. The "President is a dumb negro" is implied, and incredibly funny to a teabagger.

  14. Ugh

    I've got to think at this point this sign thing is pretty played out. Maybe the drooling old white people who make up the foot soldiers of the Tea Party still haven't figured it out; but the higher ups have to know by now when they get their picture taken with just about any sign it's gonna result in this. Maybe they don't care; maybe they think it's better than what would happen if they ran away from crazy people who would carry signs like this, I don't know.

    Or maybe I'm just projecting my own capability to recognize that a past event that happens over and over again means the same event might have similar properties in the future.

    1. Tommmcatt

      Are you kidding? It gives them "dumb cred". How can you be a true patriot unless you too are a slack-jawed yokel?

  15. smokefilledroommate

    The sign isn't in braille, so she doesn't know what it says. She probably doesn't even know it's there!

    I thought the pic called for a Blingee! Yay!

  16. Dudleydidwrong

    "Let's see," says the dog. "There's a tree. And there's Michelle Bachmann. Which one shall I piss on?" Dog thinks, decides that he'll piss on the tree. "Why did you piss on the tree and not on Bachmann?" you ask, wonderingly. "Because Michelle Bachmann isn't worth pissing on," responds the dog, knowingly, revealing a depth of understanding that transcends her Minnesota district's voters.

  17. poncho_pilot

    if they wanted to use a tired old internet-sex-meme to name themselves after, i think Donkey Punchers would have been better. they could have spared themselves the obviously dumb, implied historical rewrite of the meaning behind the Boston Tea Party. but you can't expect much from people who cherry pick their own Holy Bible so why should they treat the Constitution any differently?

    psst! Bachmann! hey you! you have representation. just because you don't want what the majority of the country wants doesn't mean you have to act like a bunch of whiny little assholes.


    1. Beowoof

      I do believe he was over in Sportswear looking for some new outfits for her. Then over to the men's room for lunch.

  18. glamourdammerung

    And this is why no one takes movement conservatism seriously. You can not debate or reason with lies and "the crazy".

  19. SudsMcKenzie

    There is a place. Like no place on Earth. A land full of wonder, mystery, and danger! Some say to survive it: You need to be as mad as a hatter.

  20. fartknocker

    Look at her legislative agenda. All she does is praise people for sleeping on Swedish Foam Mattresses in Saint Cloud, praise old dying farts, and bash the President:

    What a stupid fucking twat. At least she's engaged with her voters – who probably enjoy hover rounds, ham, bisquits and gravy. Maybe she can be a Professor of Bat Shit Interpretations of the Federalist Papers at Oral Roberts University.

  21. Negropolis

    Jabbering fucktard clownfish

    I burst out laughing when I got to "clownfish." It's the most perfect description of her.

  22. Lost_Teabaggers

    Hey look…Bachmann's gotten all of her presidential supporters into one convenient place…game on, bitches!

  23. EvanHurst

    Layne, you're getting a Peabody for "jabbering fucktard clownfish," I can just smell it.

      1. AKHottie

        Oh, I feel so welcomed here. :) I've just been down fisted. Tis true that I will cheerfully consider both ways. So thanks, I guess.

        Well, off duty, time to have drink. Nite all! I'm going home with that warm feeling that comes with anonymous downfisting and thoughts of giving Boehner blow jobs (teeth included). Crash Tango – let's talk!

  24. bflrtsplk

    I believe myself is on the downfist protocol as well. Can't be sure. Been meeting with Jack Daniels all night. He helps me forget.

  25. Come here a minute

    Somewhere in Minnesota a middle-aged kid with a funny name ("Elwin Tinklenberg") is just shaking his head at his fellow citizens.

  26. ChessieNefercat

    I just love "jabbering fucktard clownfish." I think it should be used in every election ad against every republican. Who cares it it's polite? It's true. If people get used to thinking "jabbering fucktard clownfish" whenever they think of a particular republican, maybe they would actually vote intelligently?

    One can dream.

  27. Sue4466

    Proving Bachmann is an idiot is like proving a dropped book will fall to the ground. Where is the challenge?

  28. owhatever

    Michelle Bachmann presents the woman she is hugging to the press as the missing idiot. "I tracked her down all by myself, but it was really, really hard," Bachmann said. "She was hiding among all of the other idiots in my district."

  29. e_z

    Hey Teabaggers, Thomas Paine, remember him?

    "The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country"

    Ya Pussies

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