bachmann/robert e. lee 2012

Dave Weigel Proves Michele Bachmann Is Kenyan Idiot

This would piss her off, if she knew how to read.Jabbering fucktard clownfish Michele Bachmann was one of the twelve or so teabaggers to “protest” in Washington today, by utterly failing to have a protest. But at least she posed with this sign announcing that she had escaped from Kenya, and that this strange white suburban wingnut village in Kenya was now missing its main idiot. Then Michele Bachmann walked into a tree and thanked George Washington for ending slavery and writing the bible, the end. [Dave Weigel’s Twitter thing]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Comments

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  • PalinPussyPower

    I'd hit that. Bachmann, I mean. Crazy in the head, crazy in the bed.

    • deelzebub

      It's all fun and games until she boils your bunny.

      • nounverb911

        Be afraid, be very afraid!

        • DownFist Troll

          Doesn't she have like 14 kids? clearly she's doing something to keep her man coming back.

          • deelzebub

            From what I've seen of her husband, she keeps him interested by letting him do her from behind while she wears a flannel shirt, a wig, and a fake mustache.

          • BarryOPotter

            Michele: "Who's 'Bob'?"

          • Terry

            She's fostered a slew of kids

    • V572del c:/*.* y/n?

      Been there, done that (crazy, not Miche1e). Can't really recommend it.

      • gef05

        Yep. My best best mate was with a certifiably crazy gal for a couple of years. The sex was apparently wild – but the outline of her shoe tread on the side of his face, his black eyes, the cuts on his hands and arms, the destroyed property – it all just made it seem like a regular guy was keeping a crazy whore. I get the sadz whenever I hear the "crazy sex FTW" bullshit.

    • Fuck Toad

      Nah, there are plenty of psychos who are just terrible in the sack. And Bachmann seems like the type who can only find pleasure from procreative, missionary-style, lights-out sex with no filthy moaning or needless touching of body parts.

      • Not_So_Much

        It'd be like fucking a knothole in a piece of industrial siding. Pass.

        (But I'd donkey-punch that in a heartbeat.)

    • Redhead

      With a 2×4, yeah.

      • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

        You're saying you'd hit that? In the head? THAT'S ABUSIVE!

        • Redhead

          But it makes such a nice ringing noise! I can tap her head instead of hitting it, if you'd like, that but that nice hollow sound wouldn't be as loud.

    • MinAgain

      The only thing I'd hit that with is a pie.

      • glamourdammerung

        Is "brick" a flavor of pie I am not aware of?

    • Tommmcatt

      Straight guys are weird.

      • HELisforHEL

        Yeah, they are. I still love them men folks, but they really do seem to like that idea of "Crazy in the head, Crazy in the bed". Until, as some folks have pointed out above, it spills over into every other aspect of the relationship, no matter how loosely defined. And it always ALWAYS spills over. BECAUSE THEY'RE CRAZY.

    • Limeylizzie

      After all those kids it would be , as my Granny used to say, 'Like sticking your cock out of the wondow and trying to fuck the world'.

      • Sparky_McGruff

        Your granny sounds a lot more fun than mine. My granny just used to bitch about how she shouldn't have to pay taxes, and that the "niggros and messicans" were taking over.

        • Limeylizzie

          She was beyond fabulous, grew up in the industrial North and worked in a cotton mill when she was 12 years old, huge union supporter all her life , weighed about 90 lbs and stood just 4'9″ tall but was a giant , never heard a racist or mean thing from her but she loathed Maggie Thatcher!

          • comrad_darkness

            She sounds like a great gal. *snif*

          • Limeylizzie

            So many stories about her, her Grandmother had 4 children , all by different fathers, we suspect she sold her favours as they were really poor, and my Grandmother was very dark, looked like Merle Oberon when she was young, and when she would go to the outdoor market , as a child, many of the stalls were Jewish-owned and operated and they would always claim her as “one of us” and give her free stuff! So, family lore has it that her father was a Jewsh peddlar in the Manchester area.

    • magnetite

      No. Just no. This woman is nitroglycerine; and you're not supposed to jiggle, joggle or shake nitroglycerine.

      If you have been affected by issues covered by this comment please ask your nearest James Coburn for more information.

    • Lost_Teabaggers

      Nahh…not me, when I see Bachmann I always remember that time she sexually assaulted Dubya after one of his bullshit "state of denial" speeches…I don't know 'bout you, but I'm not stickin' my dick in any woman with THAT low of standards. Besides, Bachmann probably hasn't been fucked in 30 years, she's married to a Republican male, after all. The bats moved in there the night of consumation when he exclaimed "you've got a uterus!" and ran out of the room screaming like a girl….probably more bats in that snatchs belfry than in Big Ben.

  • Weenus299

    That nut didn't fall far from the tree, I see.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    The tree is the smartest organism in the pic.

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      I hit downfist by mistake! The tree is smarter than me too.

      • Not_So_Much

        I fisted you both. And the tree. Also.

        • fuflans

          and I fisted all of you for the love.

          • Radiotherapy

            Somewhere in Kenya a village is missing a tree.

            (And fists for you all because of my "stupid" phone and I accidentally downfisted earlier.)

          • nonbeliever7

            Aha…I've been afraid to admit it but my "stupid phone" also occasionally downfists. Nothing to do with failing eyesight and pre-martini jitters.

          • Beowoof

            Now if someone would fist Michele and Sarah maybe we could get them to stay home and do just that guy.

  • MarcelleMarceau

    Bachmann's whistlestop en route to taping 'Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader'.

  • deelzebub

    As is often the case, there appears to be more press than protesters at a Teabagger rally.

    • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

      Foxnews counts as both.

    • Beowoof

      Corporate Media giving us the objective view. All 100 teabaggers all day and all night. Union rights protesters by the 100,000, not so much.

  • memzilla

    Does this mean she endorses ACORN now?

    As one nut to another, obvsly.

    • nounverb911

      She is standing under an oak tree.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    i'd still vote for the misinformed nativist sign over the misinformed nativist congresswoman.

    • Sophist [غني عن ذلك]

      Well of course. President Stupid Sign would never defund the Dept. of Education and then invade Belgium, because it is an inanimate object and therefore incapable of action. A similar degree of wisom could not be expected of Bachmannnnnnnnnn.

  • gullywompr

    Tree bagger.

    • pukebot

      wing knot

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        douchenutzel

        • gullywompr

          Eats shoots and leaves.

  • nounverb911

    I see that Crawford, Texas' village idiot is home again.

  • WhatTheHeck

    This is a sad day for trees. One of that tree’s siblings died to give birth to that sign.
    And now the tree can only weep with that sap standing next to it.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      I see what you did there.

    • PublicLuxury

      Bachmann made that tree get an abortion!?! She is killing baby trees. All trees have the right to life. Who cares if they are killed for housing and school supplies later. They need to be born? hatched? rooted? um ah planted. Yes. Planted.

  • nounverb911

    Its really sad when there are more photographers than teabaggers at the protest.

    • fuflans

      I could even tell from radio coverage how small the crowd was. Still!!! NPR felt the need to give them a full prime time segment.

      I say go ahead and defund.

      • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

        hear hear. We don't need any more stories about congressional hats.

        And don't ask because it is literally too stupid even to make fun of.

      • comrad_darkness

        I will not miss the Nice Polite Republicans.

    • AKHottie

      And how does this differ from the other bagger gatherings? [Gatherings = group steeping of teh tea bags.]

    • AKHottie

      And this differs from other teabagger rallies how?

  • poncho_pilot

    have they checked the Starbucks? the one in the mall next to Forever Snowflake?

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    There is such a thing as over fertilizing. Save the tree!

    • YasserArraFeck

      The amount or bullshit that tree's getting, it'll probably live forever

  • MinAgain

    I'm pretty sure that tree is a Democrat.

    • Terry

      It's DC. Everyone and everything is a Democrat except the GOP'ers who come to town related to an election cycle and a few old white guys up in Northwest.

    • Negropolis

      But of course. Liberals are always hugging them; they want to return the favor.

  • EdFlintstone

    Somewhere with two capitals, yep it was an authentic teabagger rally.

  • Callyson

    Most of the photographers appear to be down – blousing Bachmann…which, I guess, explains how that batshit crazy wingnut gets press…

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      she is a boob. she may even be two boobs.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Somewhere in Minnesota there's an entire village worth of idiots that keep voting this dingbat into office.

    • __kth__

      right, if their village was short an idiot they wouldn't notice, as there are too many to keep count

    • Negropolis

      WIN(ing!)

  • user-of-owls

    George Washington, George Washington,

    …kick the cunt apart.

  • Mumbletypeg

    TAGS: MINNESOTA LICE

    Them's squirmishin' words, Ken!

  • PublicLuxury

    There's a new form of hallucinogen in my city. They're calling it Bachmann due to the length of time the user loses ties with reality. Users often claim to be transported back in time to the late 1700's when men wore wigs and weren't ridiculed.

    • Beowoof

      Did those same men hang around stage coach men's rooms looking for love.

    • Negropolis

      I don't know, I think the dopehead probably just woke up in San Francisco

  • Gopherit

    I used to feel a twinge of pity when I'd see these kinds of fucktarded signs at teabagging rallies….you know, like you might feel for a dog that tries really hard to open a doorknob. Like, wow, you really think you're clever. Now, though, it just pisses me off. Fuck these fucking clowns.

    • emmelemm

      Aw, he thinks he's people! (Creator of sign, that is.)

  • petehammer

    Although "SomeWhere" has an oddly capitalized W, the rest of the sign has good grammar and spelling.

    Therefore:

    FALSE FLAG OPERATION!

    • AKHottie

      Wait! Village is also capitalized in mid sentence. The rest was spell-checked. Proof that Koch has supplied auto-correct to teh sign makers. NOT false flagged – false auto-checked!!111!ELEVENtY

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    This is just so sad on only one level.

  • EdFlintstone

    Dozens of supporters, looks like Michele has some of that Joementum!!!!

  • gullywompr

    So that's the Crazy Tree that Michele Bachmann fell out of…

    • bumfug

      …and hit every branch on the way down.

      • Negropolis

        That'd explain the perpetually concussive look on her face.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Mehbe Bachmann could do CPR on the rat from the earlier post.

    Batso & Ratso 2012

  • Not_So_Much

    She's never going to make it nationally until she learns to use her rental terror-babies as stage props at these events.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Nah, they're too busy doing chores around the federally-subsidised farm, and sweatshopping leather key fobs and other craft shit for Michele to sell at the checkout down at the local truck stop.

  • Walkinwiddaking

    Judging from the photo there appears to be more photographers than idiots.

  • bflrtsplk

    She's like one of those people you see ranting on the corner with a sign and a tin cup that everyone crosses the street to avoid making eye contact. Wait, she is one of those people.

    • WilliamHTaft

      So THAT'S why she stares off to the right slightly instead of straight ahead. She's adapting.

      • bflrtsplk

        President Taft. I hear you've formed an exploratory committee to return to the White House, if only in spirit.

        • WilliamHTaft

          Indeed. I would love nothing more than to engage further in the national debate but me and Ben Franklin's ghost are fascinated by this demonry you call an iPhone. It even has pornography! What a wonderful America you've all created!

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Will you all stop complaining. She brought that nice sign to identify herself to others, and placed it aside when she agreed to a photo. What a nice, old, crazy lady.

    • gef05

      Her cats are sitting just out of shot, beside her bag of knitting.

  • fuflans

    I just can't settle on which batshit republican lady is most annoying. Some days I think michele my belle. Other days you just have to go full palin.

    • AKHottie

      Depends on which one does full frontal first.

  • Redhead

    You know, I hear they're making great strides in eliminating fetal alcohol syndrome these days. Too bad they couldn't get to Bachmann's mom.

  • Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum

    Humor tips 4 Baggerz – part 316:

    "Somewhere in Texas, a village is missing its idiot" is funny because W was famously ineloquent. Substituting "Kenya" for "Texas" is stupid because Obama is famously eloquent.

    Thank you for your attention. You may now resume your regular fart-sack activities.

    • Tommmcatt

      Don't bother…waste of time, annoys the pig, etc.

    • genxr

      They really don't get it. A few years ago my father was all excited to tell me a joke he heard on the Rush Limbaugh show, because it was so hilarious. It started like this:

      "So Al Gore was told by a general that 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq…"

    • Sparky_McGruff

      No, it's funny because he's a nee-grah. Only they can't say that in public, so they have to make jokes like this one, or jokes about his teleprompter. The "President is a dumb negro" is implied, and incredibly funny to a teabagger.

  • Ugh

    I've got to think at this point this sign thing is pretty played out. Maybe the drooling old white people who make up the foot soldiers of the Tea Party still haven't figured it out; but the higher ups have to know by now when they get their picture taken with just about any sign it's gonna result in this. Maybe they don't care; maybe they think it's better than what would happen if they ran away from crazy people who would carry signs like this, I don't know.

    Or maybe I'm just projecting my own capability to recognize that a past event that happens over and over again means the same event might have similar properties in the future.

    • genxr

      Rand Paul and the Head Stompers got it figured out.

    • Tommmcatt

      Are you kidding? It gives them "dumb cred". How can you be a true patriot unless you too are a slack-jawed yokel?

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    The sign should be (of course) "Tits or GTFO".

    Can't imagine any other reason to hang around that idiotic harpy,

  • smokefilledroommate

    The sign isn't in braille, so she doesn't know what it says. She probably doesn't even know it's there!

    I thought the pic called for a Blingee! Yay!

  • user-of-owls

    Brilliant!!

  • Dudleydidwrong

    "Let's see," says the dog. "There's a tree. And there's Michelle Bachmann. Which one shall I piss on?" Dog thinks, decides that he'll piss on the tree. "Why did you piss on the tree and not on Bachmann?" you ask, wonderingly. "Because Michelle Bachmann isn't worth pissing on," responds the dog, knowingly, revealing a depth of understanding that transcends her Minnesota district's voters.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      A dog walks into a bar and sees a fire hydrant, a tree trunk, and Michele Bachmann's leg…

    • [redacted]hse

      That dog is a regular Alvin fucking Greene, ain't he?

  • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

    Michele is getting press…. Sarah is going to be soooo pissed.

    • El Pinche

      Sarah who?
      Ohh yeah, I vaguely remember that wildercunt.

  • poncho_pilot

    if they wanted to use a tired old internet-sex-meme to name themselves after, i think Donkey Punchers would have been better. they could have spared themselves the obviously dumb, implied historical rewrite of the meaning behind the Boston Tea Party. but you can't expect much from people who cherry pick their own Holy Bible so why should they treat the Constitution any differently?

    psst! Bachmann! hey you! you have representation. just because you don't want what the majority of the country wants doesn't mean you have to act like a bunch of whiny little assholes.

    p.s. http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/9/

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Strange her gay husband isn't anywhere in that shot. He must have been busy lolling around the Macy's men's room at that time.

    • Beowoof

      I do believe he was over in Sportswear looking for some new outfits for her. Then over to the men's room for lunch.

    • AKHottie

      With Todd?

  • glamourdammerung

    And this is why no one takes movement conservatism seriously. You can not debate or reason with lies and "the crazy".

  • SudsMcKenzie

    There is a place. Like no place on Earth. A land full of wonder, mystery, and danger! Some say to survive it: You need to be as mad as a hatter.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Allz I can say is: the Germans are no idiots…OR ARE THEY?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6itHZEH0Ds&fe

  • fartknocker

    Look at her legislative agenda. All she does is praise people for sleeping on Swedish Foam Mattresses in Saint Cloud, praise old dying farts, and bash the President:
    http://thomas.loc.gov/cgi-bin/query/r?r111:@BAND(

    What a stupid fucking twat. At least she's engaged with her voters – who probably enjoy hover rounds, ham, bisquits and gravy. Maybe she can be a Professor of Bat Shit Interpretations of the Federalist Papers at Oral Roberts University.

    • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

      Oh my god. It is the holy bible of batshittery.

  • gord83

    Under the spreading chestnut tree
    The village idiot stood……..

  • Negropolis

    Jabbering fucktard clownfish

    I burst out laughing when I got to "clownfish." It's the most perfect description of her.

  • Wonketti_Cat

    Give Chris Smith a break lady, he was only over there for a week.

  • Lost_Teabaggers

    Hey look…Bachmann's gotten all of her presidential supporters into one convenient place…game on, bitches!

  • EvanHurst

    Layne, you're getting a Peabody for "jabbering fucktard clownfish," I can just smell it.

    • AKHottie

      No, that's Palin's twat you be smelling.

      • AKHottie

        Oh, I feel so welcomed here. :) I've just been down fisted. Tis true that I will cheerfully consider both ways. So thanks, I guess.

        Well, off duty, time to have drink. Nite all! I'm going home with that warm feeling that comes with anonymous downfisting and thoughts of giving Boehner blow jobs (teeth included). Crash Tango – let's talk!

  • AKHottie

    But the drugs are good. (in terms of street value)

  • bflrtsplk

    I believe myself is on the downfist protocol as well. Can't be sure. Been meeting with Jack Daniels all night. He helps me forget.

    • Limeylizzie

      I upfisted you baby, just in case

      • bflrtsplk

        Thank you darlin'.

  • Come here a minute

    Somewhere in Minnesota a middle-aged kid with a funny name ("Elwin Tinklenberg") is just shaking his head at his fellow citizens.

  • ChessieNefercat

    I just love "jabbering fucktard clownfish." I think it should be used in every election ad against every republican. Who cares it it's polite? It's true. If people get used to thinking "jabbering fucktard clownfish" whenever they think of a particular republican, maybe they would actually vote intelligently?

    One can dream.

    • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

      What does GOP stand for? Jabbering Fucktard Clownfish.

  • RodneyBadger

    Is Bachmann wearing a bumpit?

  • Sue4466

    Proving Bachmann is an idiot is like proving a dropped book will fall to the ground. Where is the challenge?

  • owhatever

    Michelle Bachmann presents the woman she is hugging to the press as the missing idiot. "I tracked her down all by myself, but it was really, really hard," Bachmann said. "She was hiding among all of the other idiots in my district."

  • Poindexter718

    The sign is clearly Photoshopped–accurate spelling is the tell.

  • PlanetWingNut

    o/~ tie the crazy around the old oak tree then beat the shit out of it o/~

  • sbs94553

    Bachman is a cunt

  • e_z

    Hey Teabaggers, Thomas Paine, remember him?

    "The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country"

    Ya Pussies