killing people is okay when we do it

Montana Legislator Wearing Dumb Tie Decries Drunk Driving Laws

(To be fair, everyone in the Montana legislature is wearing a stupid tie. But c’mon, look at that thing.) Drunk driving is a way of life in Montana, and bars can only survive if they get their patrons drunk enough to go out and kill people? Yeah, sounds about right. [Youtube]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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  1. Clancy_Pants

    When I was wishing for a new post so I wouldn't have to look at that dirty toilet all night this is not what I had in mind. More dead rats please.

    1. HistoriCat

      To be fair, being drunk is the only way to maintain your sanity as a state legislator. Although based on the bullshit which spews from our legislative bodies, they're not imbibing nearly enough.

  2. Sophist [غني عن ذلك]

    Is literally every bit of republican legislative activity about making it easier for Americans to die, or does it just seem that way?

    1. Not_So_Much

      I'm in exile next door in Idaho and the answer is 'yes'. This is pretty tame by local standards. I mean the tie, not the bullshit pouring out his mouth-hole. But the retardation is pretty well in line. Also.

      1. natoslug

        If I weren't paying $4.27/gallon for gas and 12+ cents/Kwh for electricity, I'd be laughing at you for still being in Idaho.

  3. Slim_Pickins

    He may be the big brained Republican that finally connects the dots from unions to Sharia law.

    1. 教授 Zoom

      Designated drivers cause socialism, since it requires collective action and takes away an individual's sacred right to get plowed.

    2. SonofSpermcube

      He isn't talking about going clubbing once a month. Having to plan things out in advance like that (in places with spotty cell service, or even spotty land-line service) would adversely affect people's ability to get together at all.

  4. JackDempsey1

    Resolved: All Montana legislators must look and act like cast members from the cancelled HBO show "Deadwood." Cocksuckers, also.

  5. edgydrifter

    Until it's legal to drive with a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone, Montana will never know the taste of freedom. And sheep will never know what drunken trucker dong tastes like, either.

    1. Lost_Teabaggers

      Oh please, like Montana is so socialist as to abide by THOSE laws…besides, that's what Montana is there for: shacks for lone, crazed nuts to contemplate attacks against our tyrannical government for giving them healthcare, and wide open spaces where guys like that can have their way with sheep in freedumz…sweet, illicit freedumz.

  6. facehead

    Can we please go back to talking about rats in toilets; because this is just fucking disgusting.

  7. EdFlintstone

    It looked better on Joe Pesci. Will Mona Lisa Vito testify later to get the bill passed?

  8. fuflans

    this is inescapable logic.

    also, i am very glad to see the water cooler right behind the majestic marble column.

  9. GuanoFaucet

    Looks like someone's pissed off he got pulled over by the cops on the way home from the bar on his John Deere riding lawnmower, again.

    1. DahBoner

      OK, I am in favor of making DUI legal in Montana if they could call it "Boner's Law"…


  10. Gopherit

    Won't someone think about the hard-working tavern owners? You know, like this guy. He probably owns 3. And a KFC franchise.

    Also, bonus points for saying this as a rep for the only state that has no maximum speed limit on their highways.

    1. Pres[ $ rm -r * ]

      Not true. Montana repealed the reasonable & prudent speed limit in 1996. The Wikipedias has an interesting story about why that happened. Now it's 75, which isn't bad either.

    2. Gnatsum

      We USEDTA have no speed limit for about the time it took for even the most retarded of our noble leaders to see that it was not the greatest idea and pass legislation to have a speed limit. But yes, as you can imagine, it was quite an adventure to drive anywhere in our alcohol soaked state during those days.

  11. gef05

    "…the bars in these small communities connect people together…"

    True. Inevitably in the morgue.

    1. Lost_Teabaggers

      Don't fergit book larnin'….maybe we can cut a deal, come to comprimise if you will…we can just write Montana, Idaho, Wyoming and my birth state the great state of Utah off…given them to the teabaggers, they can start their own country and like Canada and Mexico does to us…we can look in and laugh at all the right wing dumbasses as they crash into each others scooters while drunk…and what's left of them can duel over who gets possession of who's double down. Shit, we can even let KFC, Koch Industries and Halliburton all be headquartered there…Avon and Domino's too.

  12. __kth__

    Before I clicked on the video, I wondered, will he go with "Why Baby Why", or "Six Days On the Road"? The actual spiel was, by those lights, definitely anti-climactic.

  13. aguacatero

    These taverns connect people together so well it takes the Jaws of Life to pull them apart.

  14. MarcelleMarceau

    It's gratifying to know that drunk driving has been a way of life for Montanans for years and years.

  15. Guppy06

    Next week, he'll be explaining to the highway patrol how he doesn't have to blow into the little tube because he's in the middle of performing his legislative duties.

  16. EdFlintstone

    On this weeks episode of Queer Eye for the Hate Guy……….
    Theres bad fashion sense, like clothes from the wrong decade, but rarely the wrong century.

  17. owhatever

    The hunnerd and three peeps killed in Montana drunk driving accidents last year would probably disagree with him. Also, he lies: There was the guy that found a third way … riding his horse to the tavern, where he connected with the rest of his community.

  18. Tundra Grifter

    Who is the tall, dark stranger there?
    Maverick is his name…

    PS: That's just a regular clip-on black bartender bowtie with an extra ribbon run through the bottom. Fake as Sheer uh "Am i uh An Idiot?" uh InSannity's laugh…

  19. gullywompr

    First the gold ran out, then the whiskey ran out, then the beer ran out,…it's nice to see a high roller come thru though.

    1. CarnyTrash

      I guess some folks don't like to be called 'high rollers'. I knew a man once; he didn't like to be called 'high handed'.

  20. V572del c:/*.* y/n?

    To be fair, he was arguing against a five-year lookback provision that would make it easier to jail drunk drivers, not in favor of drunk driving qua drunk driving.

    To be equally fair, this guy is a douche bag, wrapped in a bow.

  21. kissawookiee

    This makes Arizona's insistence on the right to carry guns into bars seem positively forward-thinking.

  22. MistaEko

    Yes, crazifying your abortion laws is old hat. Now reckless endangerment laws, there's your new frontline.

  23. MistaEko

    "these bars … they're the center of the communities"

    Where do I get off acting all elitist? Right. Fucking. There.

  24. sportshort

    Lower the drinking age to ten and give young boys and girls the car keys. But only in Montana.

  25. Wilcoxyz

    He also opposes anti-roofie laws. Cause they help bring people together. Guys with stupid ties, and others.

  26. Walkinwiddaking

    "…two ways to get there. (Meaning the taverns) Either you hitchhike or you drive and I promise you that they are not gonna hitchhike." Did I hear that right?

  27. Toomush_Infer

    Yeah, well, blow it out your ass – he's right about getting places in the boonies – unless you license three-wheelers to drunks, these bars will go broke….or just abandon the roads to drunks between 2:00 and 3:00 am….my only sane choice (I'm drinking at home, like the rest of you sofateers….)

    1. SonofSpermcube

      I'm not sure some of these people have ever been more than 5 miles from a Starbucks if they weren't on a plane.

  28. Beetagger

    I need a new sidekick and he looks like the reincarnation of Andy Devine. Pass me another sasparilla, dag nab it!

  29. Negropolis

    That's like the Republican excuse for every one of their crazy plots "Such-and-such is bad for business." or "it threatens our way of life." Good god, he seriously and earnestly made both of those arguments on this issue. Mind=blown.

    "Live Free and Die/Fuck Off", indeed. Alan Grayson was right.

  30. Negropolis

    I guess "drunk driving" is what they consider "culture" in Montana seeing as how it is an attack of their way of life, and all. Why aren't there any anthropologists speaking up for these fine and proud Montanagrins?

  31. problemwithcaring

    A Black or Muslim person should do those drunks a favor and build a community center in one of their nice towns.

  32. Lost_Teabaggers

    I hear Boehner is SERIOUSLY contemplating switching states if this guy can get the drunk driving laws repealed. Imagine a drunken orange crashing into someone's home while plowed with an underage prostitute of indeterminent sex, and it's all legal!…it's like Boehner's deepest dreams come true.

  33. Lost_Teabaggers

    How about this time honored teabagger distraction? "Look Horus, there's a sheep and she's bendin' over!" Works everytime…except on Huckleberry, he's stricktly a one-swine man (how else could he get sons like those, I'm askin?)

  34. Lost_Teabaggers

    Why is it that every time I see a GOP majority state legislature in session I always hear the song "duelin' banjos" in my head?

    1. Negropolis

      South Carolinian legislators are still butthurt that they can't challenge each other to duels and caning.

  35. SonofSpermcube

    He's pretty much right. I can attest to the existence of situations like this in: Alaska, Arizona, Hokkaido (really). Hooray for rural depopulation.

  36. cheetojeebus

    I'm surprised at my Wonkette, haven't you folks seen any fashion magazines lately? maybe at the Dr's office? oh right, not many of us get to go in there without the insurance none of us can afford. Well let me tell ya, This guy is sporting a 'steam punk' look and he's doin' it well.
    re drunk driving laws.
    i'd like to put my boot so far up this doofus' ass he'll be able to taste the tiny bit of Texas still lingering there.

  37. BornInATrailer

    Assumed that it was snark and he wouldn't be directly defending drinking and driving. Came away surprised. Thanks, internet.

  38. schvitzatura

    SoberRide and public transportation are Demonrat evil programs, taking away money that could be spent on more boilermakers in backwater Montanan watering holes.

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