FAIL  2:32 pm March 31, 2011

‘Dozens’ Show Up For Teabagger Tea Party In Washington Today

by Ken Layne

Whoops, we forgot all about today’s Tea Party “Rascal Rumble” on the National Mall today! Turns out the Teabaggers forgot about it, too. According to Fox News, “dozens” showed up. Also according to Fox News, it would’ve been a much bigger rally but, uh, it was kind of cold outside. You know, 42 degrees, rainy. Nobody wants to get all wet or have to put on a raincoat or whatever!

As the Daily Kos points out, it was just a wee bit chillier out when more than 100,000 pro-labor Americans turned out to support the public workers in Wisconsin. In fact, it was about 15 degrees and snowing the whole time.

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OvertonWindolt March 31, 2011 at 2:34 pm

To be fair, they all tried to get there, but the rain shorted out their hoverrounds.

dr_giraud March 31, 2011 at 2:40 pm

It was poignant, really, watching the hoverrounds spin in the mud. It made you realize what a mercy the Death Panels will be.

GayInMaine March 31, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Ma, rain must be a comin'. The gears on my Hoverround are stickin'. Best stay indoors today.

OvertonWindolt March 31, 2011 at 2:36 pm


JustPixelz March 31, 2011 at 2:44 pm

Dozens! That's most of Beck's audience.

gullywompr March 31, 2011 at 2:46 pm

No problem. Fox has stock reels of other rallies.

Jim89048 March 31, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Are there palm trees in DC?

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 31, 2011 at 3:02 pm

No, but despite the rain and the cold, it is a sunny fall day at the rally.

Radiotherapy March 31, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Who knows? But they're ruining my cherry blossom experience.

MrsBiggTime March 31, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Nuremberg comes to mind

gullywompr March 31, 2011 at 4:42 pm


GOPCrusher March 31, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Maybe they can explain why President Obama is standing on a podium in front of the Capitol giving his Inauguration Address.

SorosBot March 31, 2011 at 2:46 pm

So Fox's excuse is to call their own viewers a bunch of wimps who can't a bit of a chilly drizzle.

chicken_thief March 31, 2011 at 2:57 pm

It's ok. That sort of logic is well beyond their capabilities.

Badonkadonkette March 31, 2011 at 2:51 pm

According to Fox News, “dozens” showed up

Applying the Fox News equation of 1000(X), where "X" is the actual number of people who attended a teatard event, this means there were two mice and a tumbleweed on the Mall.

emmelemm March 31, 2011 at 2:55 pm


ThankYouJeebus March 31, 2011 at 3:18 pm

There probably were dozens. But they were the make-up and production crew for Faux.

metamarcisf March 31, 2011 at 2:52 pm

Only dozens? And I was ready to make some clever comment about D.C. today being the wheelchair capital of the world…

smokefilledroommate March 31, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Most of them can't just up and buy a ticket to DC, now. There needs to be a celebritee like Glenn Beck, et. al. to get them off the couch and out of the pork rind bag.

freakishlywrong March 31, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Ahh..Teatardlicans. Looks like the fanny packs were on a little too tight. That ship has sailed with the dog that won't hunt aboard.

chicken_thief March 31, 2011 at 2:55 pm

There was way more than "dozens" – but that was all that would fit on the Mall lawn.

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 31, 2011 at 2:56 pm

If FOX said dozens, it must have been, what, 2 people?

And, give them a break. It is not like our founders ever did anything in the cold and bad weather:

ShaveTheWhales April 1, 2011 at 3:09 am

I was thinking it had to be less than one person, using the usual Fox crow devaluation factor.

And, after some thought, I stand by "less". "Fewer" applies to integral quantities.

mavenmaven March 31, 2011 at 2:58 pm

The teabaggers usefulness has dried up, their Koch-masters now want them to disappear.

Troubledog March 31, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Did you see that picture Weigel posted, of Bachmann posing for a pic, accidentally and unfortunately standing next to the birther sign? That was pretty funny.

freakishlywrong March 31, 2011 at 3:09 pm

But..they're NOT racists.

GOPCrusher March 31, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Obviously the other woman in the photo, is a Democratic plant, with a strategically placed sign, looking to discredit Representative Bachmann (R-Minnesotastan)

[redacted]hse April 1, 2011 at 9:20 am

The blond woman's hat is mighty snazzy. She must be so proud of how marvelous she looks!

DownFist Troll March 31, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Well, to be fair, it is REALLY hard to get a Rascal onto the mall.

widestanceroman March 31, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Even teatards know radioactive rain is not a pacemaker's BFF (not to mention what ordinary rain does to a handlebar-mounted 8-track player).

Monsieur_Grumpe March 31, 2011 at 3:11 pm

“Rascal Rumble” gives me an idea for a new type of demolition derby.
We might have to punch it up little by placing very sensitive air bags under their seats.

weejee March 31, 2011 at 3:12 pm

Well dozens is a math term the teatards know, since that's what donuts and eggs are packaged in when a bagger is on a diet.

Sue4466 March 31, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Dozens of millions, you mean. Report the truth, librul Fox News!

EdFlintstone March 31, 2011 at 3:23 pm

To be fair it was BOGO day at Golden Corral.

prommie March 31, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Needs moar Albert Speer and Leni Reifenstahl.

TanzbodenKoenig March 31, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Triumph of the Wildebeasts?

jqheywood March 31, 2011 at 4:25 pm

That would be gnus to me…

deanbooth March 31, 2011 at 10:14 pm

I see you have fascism on your mind today, prommie. Me too — the removal Maine mural seems more ominous, more telling, than all the union busting. Add to that the Wisconsin legislature's disrespect for the courts and Cantor's idea that a bill can become law without Senate approval, and it may be that we are reaching a tipping point. As the guy who wrote the "First they came for…" line said, it happens in small, nearly imperceptible stages, in incremental transgressions not individually outrageous enough to be worthy of mass protest.

Oblios_Cap March 31, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Truly, it was a gaggle of TeaTards.

The rest of them are standing in line to get the first tickets to the new "Atlas Shrugged" movie coming out in a couple of weeks. They'll be sorry when they realize it 's April 15 and they haven't filed their taxes!

The movie, I'm sure will break all sorts of box office records.

BaldarTFlagass April 1, 2011 at 9:18 am

Well, it should be a case of the movie being better than the book, because what could be worse than that piece-of-shit book? I can't wait till they get to the part with the three hour monologue!

timbo71351 March 31, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Does that mean we can now start ignoring those fat, dumb, old, bitter racists?

ManchuCandidate March 31, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Well to be fair, by mass the doughy dozens weigh as much as 100K unionists.

[redacted]hse April 1, 2011 at 9:27 am

Fair? I say push them over in their scooters and then, when they start crying and screaming and kippering around like a mackerel on a deck, point out that "life isn't fair!"

Then set them on fire.

Pop_Socket March 31, 2011 at 3:29 pm

At least we don't have to worry about the cherry blossoms being trampled underneath the scooter wheels.

Hatrabbit March 31, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Only three people actually showed up. 'Dozens' refers to the amount of donuts they consumed.

Ken Layne March 31, 2011 at 4:59 pm

… per person.

Giveusabob March 31, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Hey waitaminute. That's the plot from The Infinite Jest, minus the huge, radioactive/toxic dump in upper New England!

(Although, I've not been to Vermont recently. Things could've changed.)

GOPCrusher March 31, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Spanx-wearing Cherokee shemales=Great Band Name

GinnehRED57 March 31, 2011 at 4:00 pm

This is what happens when you fail to fertilize your AstroTurf in the fall; weak grassroots and a MUCh smaller crop o' mechano-grubs in the spring.

DaRooster March 31, 2011 at 4:14 pm

These numbers only happened due to the amount of camouflage being worn… I'll betcha!

4TheTurnstiles March 31, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Teabagging has jumped the shark. Fox now working on new programming…

__kth__ March 31, 2011 at 5:20 pm

well we had a "tax revolt", and before it was all about the war on terror. That means Family Values is next in the rotation, so closets will need to be scoured of wetsuits, dildoes, and diapers toot sweet.

JustPixelz March 31, 2011 at 4:40 pm

As long there's no Sharia Law, it's OK.

Gopherit March 31, 2011 at 4:44 pm

But those dozens were all hard core. Hard. Core. FREEDUMB!!

PublicLuxury March 31, 2011 at 4:47 pm

I bet the food was a factor. Nobody organized the potluck so there was nothing to sustain the hover-baggers. Many hover-baggers will probably be found dead of corn syrup withdrawl along the paths and roadways to the National Mall.

PublicLuxury March 31, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Didn't Scalia take out a few hover-baggers on the Georgetown Prkwy?

Dr_Zoidberg March 31, 2011 at 5:18 pm

I am interested in your viewpoints and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

finallyhappy March 31, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Hell yeah- I had on tights,thermals top and bottom, a silk t-shirt, a turtle neck, a sweater, sweat pants, boots, a thermaloft coat and hot pads in my double gloves and boots- and my feet were still cold(also had on my Inaugural volunteer hat- STILL PROUD!!!)

. Hey, I had over 300 people at my exhibit today so I guess I am much more of a draw than Crazy eye Michele!

finallyhappy March 31, 2011 at 6:03 pm

Considering the crowds in Dc right now for Cherry Blossoms, quite the truth!

MinAgain March 31, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Hell, we turned out 4500 teachers in Nashville on a cold and rainy March 5. So much so that we've taken to calling it the Umbrella Revolution……

Midway117 March 31, 2011 at 7:13 pm

NPR had a real story on this, those liberal bastards.

Tundra Grifter March 31, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Agreed – if ClusterFox says "dozens" the whole thing was probably just a line for a lunchtime hotdog cart.

Sparky_McGruff March 31, 2011 at 9:35 pm

I suspect there is nothing little about them. Well, maybe their brains, and their sense of fairness, decency, and empathy.

problemwithcaring April 1, 2011 at 1:23 am

They release dozens of Teabgaggers on the Mall and then bitch when the National Park Services will still have to re-sod.

ttommyunger April 1, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Do you suppose they've finally figured out that they are just props in the Koch-Kibuke Theater called Politics? Naaaaaaw! Prolly just the rain.

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