Weird Creeper Ben Quayle Upsets Politico By Mentioning They’re Terrible

Our terrible news media and terrible politicians like to get together for fancy dinners sometimes to dress up nice and feel glamorous and very lightly poke fun at how terrible they all are. Last night, indecisive but would-be serial killer Ben Quayle opened his sad effort at reading jokes he paid a guy to write for him by observing how awful Politico is. After spending all night crying about this, Mike Allen responded today by pretending the crowd didn’t laugh and was positively AGHAST that anyone would criticize Politico’s long tradition of excellent journalism. But really he just thought Quayle was his best friend.

Quayle:

Although I come from a newspaper family, we seem to have a strained relationship with the press. “Strained” is a polite term for “troubled.” And “the press” is a generous term for “Politico.” You know, it took everything I had not to refer to Politico as the worst media outlet in history. It’s not that I don’t believe that assertion, but I don’t want to get into hyperbole.

Yep, seems about right.

Mike Allen, the revisionist eight-year-old.

Freshman Rep. Ben Quayle (R-Ariz.) bombed so badly people felt sorry for him: “It’s a little weird for me to be speaking at an event that’s sponsored by the media. Although I come from a newspaper family, we seem to have a strained relationship with the press. ‘Strained’ is a polite term for ‘troubled,’ and ‘the press’ is a generous term for POLITICO. You know, it took everything I had not to refer to POLITICO as the WORST media outlet in the history. [Groans] It’s not that I don’t believe that assertion, but I don’t want to get into hyperbole. [Dead silence; puzzled looks].

“Yeah, wulllll, you’re a poophead, Ben, and nobody even likes you.”

Unfortunately for Allen, there’s video of this. And you hear people laughing amidst scattered applause when he says they’re the worst. Whoops.

Jason Linkins:

only the Beltway media would host their own roast and then be shocked to hear someone attempt a roasting

Exactly. But the reason Allen’s really so butthurt about this is he obviously thought Quayle was his friend. Remember this interview? Yes, that’s Mike Allen asking Ben Quayle about his sexy muscles. Later, he has an odd little orgasm when Quayle says he reads Playbook.

Here’s the lesson of this story: politicians, especially cool young (weirdo) ones, should never say anything mean about journalists, because journalists are delicate little things that need politicians to like them. And once they start thinking a politician DOESN’T want to be their friend, they may actually CRITIQUE them and point out their faults! Imagine that! [HuffPo]