TURD ADVENTURES  11:02 am March 31, 2011

CIA Running Around Libya, Obama Authorizes Arming Libya Rebels

by Jack Stuef

And we won't come back till it's over over there.Remember when President Obama made that speech about how the war in Libya was such a small war you could barely see it, and it was pretty much over and done with anyway, so you can go back to watching (your one life on Earth fade away while you watch) Dancing with the Stars? That wasn’t exactly correct. But hey, what’s an American war without the president lying about it? Obama was just being patriotic and paying tribute to the great leaders who came before him! (Namely, right before him.) While the CIA is flooding Libya with agents trying to simultaneously figure out how to help the rebels and learn who these people even are, it turns out Obama already authorized heavy arms shipments to them. The turd sandwich has been placed in the microwave, and it’s HEATING UP.

President Barack Obama has signed a secret order authorizing covert U.S. government support for rebel forces seeking to oust Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi, government officials told Reuters on Wednesday.

Obama signed the order, known as a presidential “finding”, within the last two or three weeks, according to government sources familiar with the matter.

Well somebody was planning ahead!

Sending in weapons would arguably violate an arms embargo on Libya by the U.N. Security Council imposed on February 26, although British, U.S. and French officials have suggested there may be a loophole.

There’s always a loophole for illegal wars: It’s called “being America.” FUCK YEAH!

In addition, the American spies are meeting with rebels to try to fill in gaps in understanding who their leaders are and the allegiances of the groups opposed to Colonel Qaddafi, said United States government officials, speaking on the condition of anonymity because of the classified nature of the activities. American officials cautioned, though, that the Western operatives were not directing the actions of rebel forces.

Yet. So who are these rebels we may soon be trusting with our advanced weapons and running this country?

The briefers told Congress they are a loose-knit, localized and factionalized opposition lacking the basic military necessities of command, control and communication, according to lawmakers who attended the briefings, one for the House and one for the Senate, in an auditorium beneath the Capitol.

Uhhhhhh.

Look, we’re already in this war. We’re already committed to taking down Gaddafi, whether Obama admits it publicly or not. So instead of doing things on the cheap and hoping they work out, why don’t we just invade and make sure a stable government is set up? Yes, that means doing this. But what happens when we’ve armed rebels like this in the past? This. Hmm. A turd sandwich indeed! [Reuters/Politico]

 
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{ 107 comments }

neiltheblaze March 31, 2011 at 11:05 am

With our asleep at the switch Media – Iraq and Afghanistan were apparently wars so small you could barely see them. Libya is a Sunday drive to these people.

dailyworldwatch April 1, 2011 at 12:43 am

Leave Obama alone! CIA people don't wear boots! There is no boots on ground still! Oh…oops…

Fare la Volpe March 31, 2011 at 11:06 am

Jesus fuck, America.

Jesus fuck.

crybabyboehner March 31, 2011 at 11:49 am

He also wept and now we know why.

Moonbatting Average March 31, 2011 at 11:07 am

We will be greeted as liberators when this war pays for its self.

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] March 31, 2011 at 11:16 am

We'll be home by Eid ul-Fitr.

SmutBoffin March 31, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Probably be in about 6 months. Yep. Definitely 6 months or so.

Native_of_SL_UT March 31, 2011 at 11:07 am

So we are helping other people water the tree of liberty, What's the big deal?

ManchuCandidate March 31, 2011 at 11:08 am

How do you think Luke Skywalker blew up the Death Star?

Proton Torpedoes don't grow on trees.

SmutBoffin March 31, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Oh, so you believe the "official" story: That a ragtag group of rebels of varying hirsuteness infiltrated the Death Star, stole the secrets of it's manufacture, and destroyed it with a single torpedo, a feat even experienced pilots have deemed "…impossible, even for a computer"?

Death Star was an inside job WAKE UP SHEEPLE

memzilla March 31, 2011 at 11:09 am

Because this policy worked out so well when we armed the mujahadeen to fight the Soviet Army in Afghanistan in the '80s… that's why.

Negropolis March 31, 2011 at 10:34 pm

We armed a bunch of guys called the motherfucking mujahideen, for Allah's sake; a group of fighters who indentified themselves primarily as religious fighters. We knew who they were and we still armed them because we had such a blind hate for the Soviets during the Cold War. I'd hate for people to pretend that we thought they were some kind of secular, high-minded democrats.

This was not the secular, facebooking twitteratti we're seeing arise and supporting, today. What's happening over the region, today, is not in anyway comprable to the Islamic revolutions that swept the region in times past. They just aren't no matter how much some may feign us "not knowing" who the rebels are. We know enough to know who they aren't. I'm so damned tired of these far-fetched comparisons.

donner_froh March 31, 2011 at 11:09 am

"a loose-knit, localized and factionalized opposition lacking the basic military necessities of command, control and communication"

Exactly the people who we should be arming with heavy weapons.

freakishlywrong March 31, 2011 at 11:19 am

Sounds like teatards.

CrankyLttlCamperette March 31, 2011 at 11:34 am

Teatards want someone else to invade for them. I mean, Dancing with the Stars isn't going to watch itself, pal!

WhatTheHeck March 31, 2011 at 11:46 am

Now if I remember my history, the Taliban were such a loose-knit group fighting the Soviets back in Afghanistan, so we gave them some stingers to play with.
And them we created Bin Laden.

What could go wrong?

Ducksworthy March 31, 2011 at 11:09 am

I don't get it. Lybia's a kleptocracy. The US of A's a kleptocracy. I thought kleptocracies didn't go to war with other kleptocracies.

memzilla March 31, 2011 at 11:15 am

No, we're an oligarchy. They're a kleptocracy.

harry_palmer March 31, 2011 at 11:21 am

No, we're a kleptocracy. They're a klepto-crazy.

Ducksworthy March 31, 2011 at 11:48 am

Oh Right. And here I was hoping for an anarcho-syndacalist commune.

calibrit March 31, 2011 at 11:50 am

Bloody peasant.

jqheywood March 31, 2011 at 11:50 am

Oh there you go, bringing class into it again….

calibrit March 31, 2011 at 11:58 am

Well, that's what it's all about, innit?

calibrit March 31, 2011 at 11:59 am

If only people would listen

Not_So_Much March 31, 2011 at 11:39 am

I believe you're actually thinking of "Herpes".

philpjfry March 31, 2011 at 11:10 am

When is the last time this country was NOT involved in a war? Jesus Christ

nounverb911 March 31, 2011 at 11:13 am

September 10, 2001?

Thurman Munster IV March 31, 2011 at 11:24 am

July 3, 1776?

riverside68 March 31, 2011 at 11:40 am

BUZZZ –Not!
Rhode Island declared indendence on May 4, 1776, after burning a british man-of-war to the waterline. (The brits were interferring with non-tariff free marketeers, aka smugglers.) The whole town of Providence turned out for the burning!

Thurman Munster IV March 31, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Well fuck me sideways.

Ducksworthy March 31, 2011 at 11:30 am

We have always been at war with …….

KenLayIsAlive March 31, 2011 at 11:50 am

everyone.

jqheywood March 31, 2011 at 11:51 am

East Asia?

SorosBot March 31, 2011 at 12:01 pm

The filthy Spaniards. Remember the Maine!

Texan_Bulldog March 31, 2011 at 11:12 am

"why don’t we just invade and make sure a stable government is set up? " Like we've done such a good job of that in Iraq & Afghanistan. I am very disappointed in this decision but will still not vote for Newtie or Mitt or any of the Pauls out of spite.

Terry March 31, 2011 at 11:24 am

Some folks from the early days of the Iraq coalition provisional authority are probably still looking for jobs. I bet the Heritage Foundation still has all those resumes on file.

Hatrabbit March 31, 2011 at 11:12 am

Microwaved turd sandwiches? I believe the correct term is 'Hot Pockets'.

iburl March 31, 2011 at 11:12 am

Oil! Good god y'all! What is it good for? Absolutely everything! Ungh!

BloviateMe March 31, 2011 at 11:12 am

I refuse to jump on board until it's dubbed a "Crusade."

Until then, it's just so half-assed.

Blendergoathead March 31, 2011 at 11:13 am

Somewhere in the world, there are serious people who gamble on things like this, and whoever placed their bets just right just won the brownie/muslin trifecta.

Oh yeah, that would be the global military industrial complex – they win every time.

baconzgood March 31, 2011 at 11:14 am

Yes….This time is going to be just fine. Not like Saddam Hussein, or Franco, or Stalin, or Batista, or Pinochet, or Noreaga, or well…pretty much all of Central and South America over the past 100 years. This time it's gonna be just fine….Trust me, what could possibly go wrong?

Now let's get back to that bridge that you're going to buy off me.

riverside68 March 31, 2011 at 11:47 am

Not to be picky but when did Stalin have a contract with the CIA or any other US government agency or corporation?
Not that he didn't save our asses by "tearing the guts out of the Nazi war machine."
Oh yah, I forgot, Lend/Lease.
Carry on.

baconzgood March 31, 2011 at 11:51 am

I'm glad for your approval.

prommie March 31, 2011 at 11:15 am

Libya isn't a turd sandwich, its actually the only so-called "food" item that is more disgusting than a turd sandwhich. Libya is a marshmallow Peep, and you know what happens when you put a Peep in the microwave!

SexySmurf March 31, 2011 at 11:15 am

Sounds like all the planning of the Bay of Pigs crossed with the legality of arming the Contras. I predict a huge success.

BarackMyWorld March 31, 2011 at 11:16 am

Reagan did this shit all the time and it barely made the news. Except that one time.

Ducksworthy March 31, 2011 at 11:34 am

That story says Reargun armed the Iraninan terrorists to get release of the hostages. Actually the deal was that they would keep the hostages until his inauguration and not release them until then.

Hatrabbit March 31, 2011 at 11:16 am

Oh, come now Obama.
Don't make Kory Shore cry, and die, again.

jus_wonderin March 31, 2011 at 11:24 am

Shhhhh. He will go away if we are quiet. And I don't want him stomping on my rock hard head.

freakishlywrong March 31, 2011 at 11:16 am

It appears our leaders isn't learning either…FTW.

Guppy06 March 31, 2011 at 11:16 am

Wah wah, our Anglo-French allies don't have the aircraft carriers and the cruise missiles, but surely they can be the ones to supply the spies and shit! Heck, I'd wager French spies would be more likely to speak the local language!

riverside68 March 31, 2011 at 11:56 am

Or that the locals speak french, former colony and all.

Badonkadonkette March 31, 2011 at 11:17 am

Say what you will about Bammers, Jack. We're all still better off having a guy like him, who goes into a war knowing we're screwed whether we get involved or sit it out, than we were having that retard with a deck of trading cards who literally thought Iraq and Afghanistan were a fucking game, except better, 'cause it had real people.

SorosBot March 31, 2011 at 11:17 am

You go to no-fly-zone and cover pseudo-war with the rebels you have, not the rebels you wish you had.

Not_So_Much March 31, 2011 at 11:37 am

You can't know what you don't know or that which is unknowable… Squirmish!

DaRooster March 31, 2011 at 11:17 am

"The briefers told Congress they are a loose-knit, localized and factionalized opposition lacking the basic military necessities of command, control and communication…"

Will they arm us when the revolt against the rich starts? That's gonna be kewl…

smitallica March 31, 2011 at 5:13 pm

"…a loose-knit, localized and factionalized opposition lacking the basic necessities of command, control and communication…"

So the rebels are Democrats, then?

randcoolcatdaddy March 31, 2011 at 11:18 am

Well, Obama, enjoy that turd sandwich you just ordered along with that of iced urine and a side fried left over lyposuction fat that your predecessor ordered at the drive through.

You want some Tums with that?

Not_So_Much March 31, 2011 at 11:18 am

That's the least secret Secret Order ever.

harry_palmer March 31, 2011 at 11:19 am

Here's how it works: Arming the shit out of Qua-ka-ga-daffy was the clear-eyed, pragmatic thing to do not too long ago, just as now arming the shit out of those who want him dead is the clear-eyed, pragmatic thing to do. You libtards don't know shit about geopolitics. This is the winning strategy we used in Iraq, Afghanistan, Africa …

Ducksworthy March 31, 2011 at 11:42 am

It helps that the NRA is running the congress.

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] March 31, 2011 at 11:19 am

But hey, at least we're not trading blood for oil this time, right? That's a step in the right direction, isn't it?

Jim89048 March 31, 2011 at 11:31 am

So the payback to USAmericans is exactly zero, but the MIC stocks are looking great!

Oldskool_ March 31, 2011 at 11:19 am

Cue the impeachment talk from the Iraq warmongers.

bumfug March 31, 2011 at 11:20 am

"President Barack Obama has signed a secret order authorizing covert U.S. government support for rebel forces seeking to oust Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi, government officials told Reuters on Wednesday."

Did the Oxford English Dictionary, besides adding OMG, LOL and Muffin Top, also redefine the words "secret" and "covert?"

Not_So_Much March 31, 2011 at 11:35 am

Yeah, what the shit? It would appear one of the two congress douchenozzles briefed on this was twatting it at the exact same time.

This is the best we can do at 'secret'? Assange would be laffing if he had any emotions.

DaRooster March 31, 2011 at 11:44 am

So they were acting treasonous against our country?

That seems like an excommunicatable offense or something…

Radiotherapy March 31, 2011 at 11:20 am

We need to get more of those white compact Toyota pick-ups…and spray paint, lots of spray paint.

jus_wonderin March 31, 2011 at 11:29 am

I think in Lybia you can have the gun month factory installed.

Terry March 31, 2011 at 11:21 am

Did anyone honestly think that the CIA wasn't in Libya to some degree before this uprising and to a much greater degree after this all started?

elviouslyqueer March 31, 2011 at 11:27 am

For real. It's like every Tom Clancy/Jack Ryan movie ever made, only with moar dead American soldiers.

Not_So_Much March 31, 2011 at 11:21 am

Since swine aren't popular over there, is there a new name to mean 'Bay of Pigs'?

Thurman Munster IV March 31, 2011 at 11:25 am

Bay of Hummus?

jus_wonderin March 31, 2011 at 11:29 am

Bay of Turd Sandwiches

riverside68 March 31, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Shores of Tripoli?
Used before?

LiveToServeYa March 31, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Bay of Falafels

CapeClod March 31, 2011 at 11:25 am

I'm going to bet that some scumbag despot who has nothing to do with Libya is going to get a birthday cake out of all this.

Come here a minute March 31, 2011 at 11:27 am

Awwww! I asked for this sandwich to be NOT toasted. They always screw up my order.

LabRodent March 31, 2011 at 11:29 am

When two tribes go to War a point is all that you can score.

elviouslyqueer March 31, 2011 at 11:35 am

Frankie says: FTW.

arihaya March 31, 2011 at 11:32 am

Like Jefferson,, Hopey also sending ships to Tripoli,, but i am affraid only that far the similiarities go in this Libyan war

jus_wonderin March 31, 2011 at 11:33 am

We can be sure it wouldn't be a nation with no oil.

Lascauxcaveman March 31, 2011 at 11:34 am

On other battle fronts, it seems Wisconsin schoolteachers may have won a squirmish in their war.

SmutBoffin March 31, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Yeah, after the judge told the Walker Admin. THREE TIMES that the law couldn't go on the books.

Jim89048 March 31, 2011 at 11:39 am

Is this war already small enough to drown it in a bathtub? If so, why has nobody drowned it in a bathtub yet?
ABORT THIS ANCHOR-WAR!

greypanter March 31, 2011 at 11:42 am

What could possibly go wrong?

el_donaldo March 31, 2011 at 11:42 am

Is that a turd sandwich in the microwave or a poodle?

Lascauxcaveman March 31, 2011 at 11:44 am

Patience, patience.

crybabyboehner March 31, 2011 at 11:46 am

Bomb first, ask questions later.

Lascauxcaveman March 31, 2011 at 11:47 am

Eh, I'm not freaking out, yet. I still think Libya most closely resembles the thing we did in Kosovo, only with fewer Albanians, and more oil.

Ducksworthy March 31, 2011 at 11:52 am

So another blow for Muslin liberation? Impeach! Impeach! Impeach! (Trying to sound like a Darlek.)

Lascauxcaveman March 31, 2011 at 11:57 am

Also fun: the Libyan foreign minister has apparently defected to Britain.

Mostly this is Wonkette-worthy because dude's name is "Moussa Koussa."
Sure, it's no Boutros-Boutros Ghali, but still.

AKbum March 31, 2011 at 11:51 am

Mission Creep makes baby jebus cry.

weejee March 31, 2011 at 11:53 am

The CIA operatives must be camel veterinarians as the rumor is they are there to vet the rebels.

calibrit March 31, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Oh, great. We all know how high the CIA's standards are for who they work with. If they were A-OK with Mobutu Sese Seko, I'm sure they'll only approve of Libyan rebels of the finest moral character. LibyGandhis, if you will.

cat48 March 31, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Gates just said in testimony this a.m. that we have not armed the rebels & he doesn't see that happening, because there are other countries capable of doing that. NO PLANS & Congress Gang of 8 Says NO REQUEST RECEIVED, except the normal CIA authorized for ANY operation. A guy at The Atlantic thinks the prez is just mess'n with Gadaffi's mind by leaking untrue stuff. Sounds like something he's capable of since he does it to Repubs all the time & they act just like Gadaffi, crazywise!

anniegetyerfun March 31, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Fuck YEAH. This is the kind of clandestine shit that makes our country great (also, hated). Boo-yah, USA USA USA!

chascates March 31, 2011 at 12:21 pm

How about doing something for union members here at home?

SmutBoffin March 31, 2011 at 1:01 pm

U.S. States have a right to self-determination, so Obama can't interfere. Libya, however, does not.

V572del c:/*.* y/n? March 31, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Here's the problem with "rebels." They start off with a lot of jehadi enthusiasm, well founded anger at the old regime, high spirits and the element of surprise. Then they run out of ammunition, food and water and gas, and the trucks break down, and the weapons jam because nobody knows how to clean them, and they don't have any radios on the same frequency. Meanwhile the regime's relatively well-disciplined and adequately supported forces start fighting back. The importance of unglamorous maintenance and resupply now becomes evident.

So we can help, with bombing to frighten and discourage the regime's guys, and logistical support to the rebels. It might be worth it, and it might work.

Apparently we can't do nothing. It's not like this is Rwanda or something.

An_Outhouse March 31, 2011 at 12:52 pm

I don't think there would much harm if we gave them some walky talkies and suicide vests.

Gopherit March 31, 2011 at 12:59 pm

No boots on the ground? We must be making the bastards wear sandals or something. Yay having a president with a law degree again!

badkarma92 March 31, 2011 at 1:53 pm

I think that we should never have interfered with the Libyans why dos it matter if we do any thing we should have just let Mubarak do what he was going to do and have some sort of stability in the region now we have no idea who going to come to power.

Negropolis March 31, 2011 at 10:42 pm

You're being facetious, right? Please tell me you're being facetious.

owhatever March 31, 2011 at 2:51 pm

To send our Libyan rebel buddies megadollars means the poors at home in America must starve harder. We're broke.

Negropolis March 31, 2011 at 10:29 pm

The rebuhls is Al Queda and other assorted racial Mooslamics, I tells ya! Col. Q-Daffy told us so! Democracy, my ass. It's just like in Egypt, and Tunisia, and Bahrain and Syria and…they all want to trade out their secular(ish) dictators for caliphates!

ShaveTheWhales April 1, 2011 at 2:17 am

So, I do have to point out that the Reuters article, at least, comes from the Reuters blog of the (wonderfully named) Mark Hosenball. I have no idea who this blogger is, and hence no opinion about his objectivity or verification protocols, but I was struck by the fact that he apparently used this story in very similar posts four or five times in one day. Or maybe I'm misunderstanding his blog history.

In any event, I hope he got multiple verifications from the "government officials with knowledge" that are the source of the article.

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