THE FETUS' BUS BOYCOTTS WORKED!  10:14 am March 31, 2011

Arizona To Ban Racists and Sexists From Having Abortions

by Jack Stuef

'He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the Promised Land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as quasi-people, will get to the Promised Land.'Because a state lawmaker read “a magazine article on such practices in China and India,” Arizona is set to ban abortions made on the basis of the race or sex of the fetus. Not that there’s evidence women in Arizona abort a fetus based on its perceived race or sex; there isn’t. But this is a matter of CIVIL RIGHTS and Jan Brewer and her Republican legislators are not going to stand idly by watching those brave fetus freedom-marchers get hosed down by police, handcuffed at the lunch counters, refused entry into segregated “fully-developed-child only” public schools, and turned away from playing golf at Augusta National. Doctors better be careful not to give abortions to women who believe in anything but absolute equality for all people, or they’re going to be thrown in prison. Oh, and here’s a riddle: Why do so many minorities in Arizona have abortions? They’re racist and sexist!

Republican supporters had said that statistics show a high percentage of abortions are being sought by minority women and that abortion clinics intentionally locate in minority areas.

Oooooh! Must be because they’re racist! It’s the minorities who are always the ones racist against minorities, right? Thank God the noble white people of Arizona are around to make sure those minorities aren’t allowed to be racist.

The law allows the father of an aborted fetus – or, if the mother is a minor, the mother’s parents – to take legal action against the doctor or other health-care provider who performed the abortion. If convicted of the felony, physicians would face up to seven years in jail and the loss of their medical license.

“We shall overcome.” — fetuses who can somehow talk [Arizona Republic via Wonkette operative chascates]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 107 comments }

MrsBiggTime March 31, 2011 at 10:18 am

Can't we just abort Arizona and be done with it?

anniegetyerfun March 31, 2011 at 10:26 am

Depends. Are you aborting it BECAUSE IT IS FILLED WITH MESSICANS YOU RACIST?

anonymousryan March 31, 2011 at 10:43 am

The Mexicans are fine, they make delicious food and work hard. It's the whiny white people who are all on social security/disability and/or Arizona State graduates (you can major in disability collection at ASU).

V572del c:/*.* y/n? March 31, 2011 at 10:52 am

With a minor in Unemployment and Workmans Comp!

kissawookiee March 31, 2011 at 11:17 am

What's the fastest way to get an ASU grad off your front porch?

Pay him for the pizza.

CrankyLttlCamperette March 31, 2011 at 11:15 am

No, because it's full of racists.

tcaalaw March 31, 2011 at 10:19 am

statistics show a high percentage of abortions are being sought by minority women and that abortion clinics intentionally locate in minority areas

So now businesses aren't supposed to locate near their customer base? What is this, socialist central planning?

ShaveTheWhales April 1, 2011 at 1:58 am

The thing is, at least the second clause in that sentence is a fucking lie. While it's possible that some clinics intentionally locate in minority areas, statistics show that the considerable majority of them are not so located.

Not that the good legislators of AZ care about, you know, truth.

donner_froh March 31, 2011 at 10:20 am

“We shall overcome.” — fetuses who can somehow talk

And sing as well.

deanbooth March 31, 2011 at 10:30 am

But can they walk the walk?

weejee March 31, 2011 at 10:20 am

Does this bill prohibit requiring minority fetuses to move to the back of the butt?

教授 Zoom March 31, 2011 at 10:21 am

It's good to see that Arizona has a strong Civil Whites movement.

anniegetyerfun March 31, 2011 at 10:35 am

Oooh, upfisty!

CrankyLttlCamperette March 31, 2011 at 11:25 am

I'd hardly call that civil…

CapeClod March 31, 2011 at 10:21 am

This sounds like a law that protects anchor babies. Has this been pointed out to these wing nuts?

spooked911 March 31, 2011 at 11:48 am

That does seem like a contradiction, doesn't it? I would like to think that these conflicting thoughts would make their heads explode but I think wingnuts are highly immune to conflicting viewpoints.

The_Great_Gazoo March 31, 2011 at 10:22 am

They are building a dang fetus fence.

Captain_Quark March 31, 2011 at 10:22 am

I look forward to the fetus testimony that will be part of the deliberations on this bill. But what will Arizona do about those illegal Mexican fetuses? Does an "anchor baby" fetus get protection, too?

metamarcisf March 31, 2011 at 10:23 am

The bill that passed is a watered down version of the original, in which "political affiliation" was included in the criteria, along with race and sex. Why do the democrats hate the constitution?

undeterredbyreality March 31, 2011 at 10:23 am

If abortions for racists and sexists are outlawed only racists and sexists will be born.

Sounds like the perfect prescription for maintaining the status quo in AZ.

anniegetyerfun March 31, 2011 at 10:31 am

It used to be such a nice place to visit, too. And now I can't take my brown husband there because they'll ask him for his papers every 2.8 seconds. I just want some decent Mexican food and a little sunshine, is that too much to ask?

Texan_Bulldog March 31, 2011 at 10:50 am

Come to Tejas (but just the Austin part). Lots of good food & the white folks aren't scared of/don't hate the brown folks.

MildMidwesterner March 31, 2011 at 10:23 am

This bill is clearly aimed at a blind Dave Chapelle shouting "white power!"

Steverino247 March 31, 2011 at 10:23 am

We Shall Overcome?! No! Kumbaya or GTFO!

donner_froh March 31, 2011 at 10:24 am

"Republican supporters had said that statistics show"… stuff they don't understand so they just made up a bunch of shit, like they always do.

SudsMcKenzie March 31, 2011 at 10:25 am

What if they know the baby is Muslin?

anniegetyerfun March 31, 2011 at 10:36 am

Waterboarding time! What? Fetuses seem to like water, it's just a matter of introducing them to boards.

widestanceroman March 31, 2011 at 10:43 am

Nixon thought abortion was fine if the parents were a white and a black, so I guess by default, that would also be OK.

Jim89048 March 31, 2011 at 11:01 am

They cut off its right hand.

Hatrabbit March 31, 2011 at 10:26 am

Also, guns for fetuses. Go Arizona! GO GO GO!

SorosBot March 31, 2011 at 10:26 am

Well I for one always trust that the state that refused to recognize MLK day until it was finally forced by the NFL in the 90s is being on the level when they say they're trying to protect civil rights.

BloviateMe March 31, 2011 at 10:26 am

Why don't they just outlaw "icky, possibly unamerican stuff" and be done with it?

cheaphits March 31, 2011 at 10:43 am

Well, finally a concise and easily enforceable plan for the Tea Party.

And if there is any conflict Clarence Thomas and many other Repubtards know all about the "icky".

Limeylizzie March 31, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Weeps softly.

Fare la Volpe March 31, 2011 at 10:26 am

They intentionally locate in poor areas, you fart-fuckers, because those are the women most in need of family planning. If you wanna stop abortion, pull people out of poverty.

Oh wait, that's big, intrusive government. Let's stick a camera up a woman's cooch. That's made of freedom and eagle babies.

GregComlish March 31, 2011 at 10:27 am

Racist Abortions are why Ginni Thomas has never had a child.

anniegetyerfun March 31, 2011 at 10:37 am

Oh, I thought it was because she's a dude.

widestanceroman March 31, 2011 at 10:39 am

She never had sex either, since Clarence has never asked her.

Jim89048 March 31, 2011 at 11:02 am

Real men never ask!

Blendergoathead March 31, 2011 at 10:28 am

Shit. If I knew low-income minorities were, also, craving abortions, I would've set up a fetus-killing clinic right next door to that liquor store I bought down in the ghetto.

Damn.

BloviateMe March 31, 2011 at 10:29 am

I'm waiting for some wingnut to introduce a bill prohibiting trains from entering tunnels, because of the message it sends today's fragile youths.

GunToting[Redacted] March 31, 2011 at 11:28 am

Right after they hang a giant drape over the Washington Monument.

ThundercatHo March 31, 2011 at 10:30 am

Why do the republicans hate rich, white babies so much?

anniegetyerfun March 31, 2011 at 10:30 am

"Ma'am, it has come to my attention that you and your husband… are black."
"That's right, doctor."
"And you are pregnant, and want to have an abortion."
"Well, doctor, we have three kids already, and the youngest is less than a year old. We're struggling financially, as my husband's union was dismantled, and I'm a teacher; as you know, special education instruction doesn't pay that well."
"But your fetus, ma'am… it's black."
"…and?"
"I'm afraid you will be unable to abort it, because that would be racist."
"Oh, of course, how could I be so stupid? I don't know what's best for me. Thank you for having my back, Doctor!"
"Not a problem, ma'am. You know how we Tea Party supporters want nothing more than to see the world filled with more black babies!"

Blendergoathead March 31, 2011 at 11:52 am

win.

Redhead March 31, 2011 at 7:02 pm

"Ma'am, what would you think about having a baby girl in seven months?"
"Well, I don't want to have a baby in about seven months, that's why I'm here – I'm having financial problems now and can't afford a baby."
"So ma'am, you're saying that you don't want to have a baby girl in seven months?"
"Well, no, I don't."
"Well ma'am, if you abort this baby, that will be sexist."
"You mean it's a girl?"
"Well, I can't say that – I won't be able to tell the age of your baby for another 10-14 weeks. But it might be sexist, if you are having a girl, so you better not abort. Just to be on the safe side."

baconzgood March 31, 2011 at 10:30 am

"abortion clinics intentionally locate in minority areas."

That's because rich people go "on vacation" and have thier father's golf buddy do it in his basement.

ttommyunger March 31, 2011 at 10:30 am

Next, Governor Drinky McFuckstick will introduce a Bill to prohibit wiping one's ass with the left hand. Damn lefties! She withdrew a recently introduced bill that would outlaw men positioning the penis along the left pant-leg when her Republican Legislators revealed that none of them have enough penis to reach below the crotch of their trousers.

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] March 31, 2011 at 10:31 am

They said statistics show that some populations are increasingly seeking abortions based on the fetus' sex.

"Some populations", huh? Gee, I wonder what that means?

anniegetyerfun March 31, 2011 at 10:39 am

Actually, I'm kind of curious. What does she mean? Traditionally, the only culture that really seems to favor having more boys over girls, and will abort female fetuses in order to have boys, is China. The practice is specifically outlawed in Islam, and I don't know how high the abortion rate is in Hispanic communities, but I wouldn't imagine that it would favor having more boys than girls.

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] March 31, 2011 at 11:04 am

Actually, I'm kind of curious. What does she mean?

Scary swarthy foreigners who intend to undermine the moral character of out country by sneaking in and then having sex-selective abortions while burning American flags and voting Democrat.

Fare la Volpe March 31, 2011 at 10:58 am

Clearly it's men aborting all the girls babies inside them. Sexist pigs.

Edit: Christ Almighty, Annie, sorry for the comment spam. Intense Debate crapped a great big squirmish and suddenly I had sixteen of the same comment.

ShaveTheWhales April 1, 2011 at 2:01 am

The populations of the sovereign nations of China and India.

Fare la Volpe March 31, 2011 at 10:31 am

women would choose to abort because they didn't like the gender or the race of the baby

They seem to be under the impression that there is a black woman out there who keeps going to the abortionist because, try as she might, the babies inside her just keep turning out black. What's a gal to do but try her luck again?

"Maybe this one will turn out white! C'mon big money big money."

anniegetyerfun March 31, 2011 at 10:40 am

They don't consider the possibility that some women might choose to abort because they don't like babies.

kissawookiee March 31, 2011 at 11:21 am

Now that's just racist. I have it on good authority that the bill is actually aimed at white couples who don't want to pony up several thousand dollars for a trip to radioactive China.

gef05 March 31, 2011 at 10:32 am

Funny they're opposed to this. I would have thought aborting foreign babies would be Arizona's Official State Abortion.

Edit: My my. TWO downfisters? I must have said something right.

教授 Zoom March 31, 2011 at 11:08 am

Don't flatter yourself–I doubt that these doofuses even read the comments before downfisting.

mavenmaven March 31, 2011 at 11:20 am

The Breitbart downfisters can't help themselves, being fused to their chairs and all that…

gef05 March 31, 2011 at 11:27 am

"The fuckwit is strong in these two."

chicken_thief March 31, 2011 at 10:33 am

Somewhere in there is a money angle. Like when Brewer passed the "lock up the brownz" so her buddy, who owns a private prison for Federal inmates, could earn a buck or two. Matching federal funds for child welfare programs maybe? Oh, wait, they already did away with helping the poorz….

anniegetyerfun March 31, 2011 at 10:35 am

Where they will be stopped and asked to show their papers. For WTACWB (walking to abortion clinic while brown).

DaSandman March 31, 2011 at 10:36 am

Wait…Arizona teabag terrorists can read?

Fare la Volpe March 31, 2011 at 10:40 am

Obviously not.

Jim89048 March 31, 2011 at 11:09 am

They have their fetus read it to them.

baconzgood March 31, 2011 at 10:36 am

"A 1/3 of Arizonians in Arizona aren't in Arizona becasue of abortion"

-Ricky "The Dicky" Santorum-

GregComlish March 31, 2011 at 10:37 am

If a Mexican woman has a child then she's making an anchor baby. If she terminates the pregnancy it's because she's a goddamned racist.

cheaphits March 31, 2011 at 10:37 am

This could all be solved by just giving fetuses the vote.

Arizona can use more intelligent voters.

mookwrthwilson March 31, 2011 at 10:37 am

Patton Oswalt does a bit where he talks about how Planned Parenthood is always in the minority neighborhood, and ironically they have really bad cell phone service there too… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDndsvjyIG4

recello March 31, 2011 at 10:39 am

Donor ID required … ?

freakishlywrong March 31, 2011 at 10:40 am

This legislation is sure to create tons o' jawbs.

Monsieur_Grumpe March 31, 2011 at 10:43 am

Next up!
Arizona declares the rare white fetus the official state fetus.

Fare la Volpe March 31, 2011 at 10:55 am
LabRodent March 31, 2011 at 10:46 am

Its like a big CRAZY contest being run between these Republican states.
Up next Mississippi

baconzgood March 31, 2011 at 10:49 am

I hope not Mississippi. I got Tex-ass up next on the office poll.

Negropolis March 31, 2011 at 10:22 pm

Haley Barbour's running for president, so America's #50 Ranked State in Everything is going to be quiet for a few more months. In fact, Haley was in the news, today, for wanting to build a Civil Rights museum in the state. **gag**

anonymousryan March 31, 2011 at 10:47 am

I wonder if they ever considered that minorities have a higher rate of abortion because they're poor and the same people that passed this law keep cutting any and all programs to help feed, house, or provide medical care to the poor? "Have your baby because all life is sacred, just hope it doesn't need state funding for an organ transplant or that poor little bastard can go fuck himself."

Fare la Volpe March 31, 2011 at 10:56 am

Every sperm is sacred, up until it's born. Then it's just a freeloader.

GunToting[Redacted] March 31, 2011 at 11:40 am

You're missing a key point here… With all those unaborted babies, the free-market organ sales marketplace will be sitting in the catbird seat!

GuanoFaucet March 31, 2011 at 10:47 am

This is good news for Social Security!

gullywompr March 31, 2011 at 3:44 pm

FTW

lochnessmonster March 31, 2011 at 10:52 am

Did I miss it? I didn't see anything about if the father is a minor, only the mother.

V572del c:/*.* y/n? March 31, 2011 at 10:54 am

Arizona moves a little bit closer to perfection every day the legislature meets.

prommie March 31, 2011 at 10:55 am

Fetus fetishism has become the national religion.

donner_froh March 31, 2011 at 10:59 am

"Because a state lawmaker read “a magazine article"

Read an article? Yeah, right.

Thurman Munster IV March 31, 2011 at 11:07 am

Actually, it was a "friend's" magazine

Rosie_Scenario March 31, 2011 at 11:01 am

Worth repeating: "If men could become pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament."

phlox✔ March 31, 2011 at 12:29 pm

…and free daycare would have be written into the Bill of Rights.

Native_of_SL_UT March 31, 2011 at 11:03 am

Fortunately you can still legally abort a fetus you suspect may be gay.

Rosie_Scenario March 31, 2011 at 11:41 am

Beat me to it.

Rosie_Scenario March 31, 2011 at 11:04 am

If passed, expect an amendment for exceptionsto the law once there is a genetic test for teh ghey gene.

BarackMyWorld March 31, 2011 at 11:13 am

Smaller government…blah, blah…government coming between patients and doctors…yadda, yadda, yadda…social engineering…

Sue4466 March 31, 2011 at 11:29 am

And, there's no mention of what happens if the father is a minor. So, the list of possible owners expands from fathers and husbands to high school juniors.

Pragmatist2 March 31, 2011 at 11:57 am

Ah, but homophobes can abort away!!!!
If you are Mexican they will probably pay you to have one.

KenLayIsAlive March 31, 2011 at 11:59 am

This is good news for hot Mexican pool boys who want to sue racist white couples.

MinAgain March 31, 2011 at 12:49 pm

What's next? Going after Korean-owned wig shops that locate primarily in minority areas? After all, it's so racist to sell all those wigs to black folks.

PublicLuxury March 31, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Everybody understands that 'brown' fetuses are undesirable and less apt to be viable 'white' humans.

betweenstations March 31, 2011 at 1:20 pm

I do not get this. "I want big black dick but hells no to having a mixed race baby?" Or what?

If you don't like people of a certain race, DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH THEM. This seems… simple?

Failure_Artist April 1, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Wanting sex /= wanting babies. Mixed race babies are less likely to be adopted, and the mother may not want her child to suffer through 18 years of foster care.

tessiee March 31, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Dingdingding!! We have a winnah!

tessiee March 31, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Isn't that already the No Incredibly Boring Sports bill?

MadBrahms March 31, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Any minority member caught trying to have an abortion will be sent to a camp in the desert awaiting deportation. Because we *care* about them, America.

simplyblue7 March 31, 2011 at 5:59 pm

that's the most stupidest way to use the race card!

Redhead March 31, 2011 at 7:21 pm

…. and gender can't be determined by ultrasound until about 16-22 weeks. That's well into the second trimester. Many places ban or restrict abortion after the first trimester (Arizona restricts – maybe flat out bans, I'm not sure) and most abortions done for any reason other than a health problem arising with the mother are done well before the first trimester ends. So…. who exactly is aborting based on gender?

Negropolis March 31, 2011 at 10:12 pm

Cool. Let's ban something that never happens, and even if it did, would be almost impossible to discern and thus enforce!

Arizona, you're not doing it right. Hell, you're not doing anything right.

cholula April 1, 2011 at 9:49 am

You know who else targets minorities? The military. Just saying.

ariel0505 April 7, 2011 at 3:56 pm

we don't have an abortion problem, we have a poverty problem.

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