BABIES THAT NEED TO BE STOLED AWAY  3:38 pm March 30, 2011

Teabag Spawn Forced To Stand On CGI Mt. Rushmore, Sing About America

by Jack Stuef


“I’m just a kid…” Okay! So stop! You will be an adult some day, but this will be on the Internet forever! “Available on iTunes.” Oh God.

Kory shore is a singer, songwriter and gifted musician with the talent and charisma to rival that of child performers Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus.

But do those other children sing about birth certificates and redistributive tax policies?!?!?!

This kid in 50 years:

(If he’s not riddled with new orifices and stuffed behind a K Street dumpster in approximately a week, that is.)

The best part of this video, obviously, is when the kid’s stroke-addled old sex offender mentor raps about freedom in the “Fat Usher section.” [Videogum via Gawker]

 
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{ 188 comments }

SorosBot March 30, 2011 at 3:40 pm

It's no Friday, that's for sure.

horsedreamer_1 March 30, 2011 at 3:43 pm

But Rebecca is black.

So, there can be none more black.

Fare la Volpe March 30, 2011 at 4:41 pm

When I looked over on the Suggestions sidebar, the videos considered similar were "Friday" and "Justin Bieber Shot on CSI"

Wonketti_Cat March 31, 2011 at 3:18 am

Thomas Paine and Ben Franklin need to work on their rap game.

CliveWarren March 30, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Korny? Shore!

ManchuCandidate March 30, 2011 at 3:41 pm

What about crying for Good Taste or the lack of it?

Callyson March 30, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Look out, Justin Bieber!

horsedreamer_1 March 30, 2011 at 3:43 pm

I think Lincoln preferred what Booth did to his head.

jdoleman March 30, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Judging by the video vis a vi the scale of Mount Rushmore our new patriotic Justin Beiber is 33ft high, eat that Libtards.

horsedreamer_1 March 30, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Still not tall enough to ride 900 ft Jesus.

Fare la Volpe March 30, 2011 at 4:42 pm

Or his Tyrannosaurus mount.

Barbara_i March 30, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Doesn't matter how tall he is, his penis is still 2 and a half inches.

mourningnmerica March 30, 2011 at 3:44 pm

I give it an 8. It has a good beat, and you can demagogue to it.

nounverb911 March 30, 2011 at 3:44 pm

When does he get second amendmented by his meth dealer?

Tommmcatt March 30, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Oooh, I made it almost a whole 20 seconds.

Crank_Tango March 30, 2011 at 4:15 pm

hahahaha I made it to 28 seconds, but I have a wicked tooth abscess, so my pain threshold is not what it would normally be. I think it actually made my mouth feel better for half a minute…

MrsBiggTime March 30, 2011 at 4:22 pm

I made it to :27 but I'm heavily opiated today.

anniegetyerfun March 30, 2011 at 5:07 pm

You bitches are LAME. I made it to 1:27 before retching loudly. I WIN!

Or lose, really, depending on how you look at it.

PocketsTheClown March 30, 2011 at 4:56 pm

tl;d

KenLayIsAlive March 30, 2011 at 8:17 pm

That's about how long Chris Lee was a congressman I think.

PsycWench March 30, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Got a few seconds into it and was distracted by a missed lyric opportunity. He should have started wandering around the Founding Fathers singing "I'm just…a kid…who wants…a wig…"

CliveWarren March 30, 2011 at 3:50 pm

I'm just a kid, but like Booth I pop caps,
I split wigs of beardy dudes in top hats.

Tommmcatt March 30, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Wiki-wiki-wiki-WHA!

TheMeatmaker March 31, 2011 at 2:25 am

I'm just a kid who wants a Whig?

WhatTheHeck March 30, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Fail. Not once dod I see him cavorting with Ronald Raygun or touching Sarah Palin’s Alaska.

ManchuCandidate March 30, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Oh that Alaska, it's such a hairy, er, scary place.

MrsBiggTime March 30, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Muskrats all around.

bumfug March 30, 2011 at 4:28 pm

I wouldn't touch Sarah Palin's Alaska with your Florida.

el_chupacabra March 30, 2011 at 3:45 pm

I feel like my hate of children has finally been substantiated. This is a good day.

MrsBiggTime March 30, 2011 at 4:31 pm

If his mama would have laid off the booze during those nine months he might have stood a chance.

FNMA March 30, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Jesus Fucking Christ, don't do that to us again!

Maman March 30, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Just waiting for a mountain or a stiff breeze to bounce that young man from the top of the mountain.

chicken_thief March 30, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Sorry. Couldn't get past the first 30 seconds. Why do I have this feeling that the next news about this little emo shit will be about how bullied he was before swallowed the working end of his dad's .38?

poncho_pilot March 30, 2011 at 3:50 pm

he'll be an hero.

elviouslyqueer March 30, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Jared Loughner, welcome to This Is Your Life!

Crank_Tango March 30, 2011 at 4:16 pm

or his stepdad's 6"

nounverb911 March 30, 2011 at 3:46 pm

What is he going to do when he hits puberty?

poncho_pilot March 30, 2011 at 3:51 pm

maybe it'll help his singing.

James Michael Curley March 30, 2011 at 3:51 pm

He'll probably fix that with the same remedy the tea baggers propose for all of us. 'A .38 calibre vasectomy.'

Cicada March 30, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Tell his parents to go fuck themselves, then move in with his boyfriend Ramon.

elviouslyqueer March 30, 2011 at 3:47 pm

"I'm crying for America, I'm dying for America."

No, you are a FUCKING 11 YEAR OLD DOUCHE.

Crank_Tango March 30, 2011 at 4:17 pm

hey now, don't discourage the kid. i have no problem with him dying for america, the precious little scamp.

aguacatero March 30, 2011 at 3:47 pm

His voice sings of America, but he dresses French.

Zombie_Reagan March 30, 2011 at 3:47 pm

You know who else was a "singer, songwriter, and gifted musician" with a bad haircut…

…yep, Elton John.

baconzgood March 30, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Paul Anka?

memzilla March 30, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Emo wingtard is emo.

poncho_pilot March 30, 2011 at 3:48 pm

conservatives should leave the arts to us pinkos. i've seen paintings by real elephants that are better than this song.

El Pinche March 30, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Is it wrong that I masturbated to this? I feel so squirmish now.

elviouslyqueer March 30, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Mark Foley? That you?

mourningnmerica March 30, 2011 at 4:00 pm

You think you got problems? I masturbated to the Ashcroft video.

El Pinche March 30, 2011 at 4:04 pm

HA!

PsycWench March 30, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Could there be cute young female teabagger offspring who swoon over this kid? What do they throw at him, keys to their chastity belts?

poncho_pilot March 30, 2011 at 3:59 pm

nah, they all have retinal scanners on them these days.

SorosBot March 30, 2011 at 3:50 pm

He should do a team-up with those Prussian Blue white supremacist twin singers.

GuanoFaucet March 30, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Or the wacist pundit kid. They could do a variety show.

starfanglednut March 30, 2011 at 7:43 pm

Vawiety

genxr March 30, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Whatever happened to those two girls? They dropped out of sight. I think they both hate their mother now.

SorosBot March 30, 2011 at 4:39 pm

I'm hoping they both got revenge on their racist brainwashing parents by getting knocked up by black guys.

FNMA March 30, 2011 at 3:51 pm

OK, Kory, show us on the doll where the man at CPAC touched you.

ablington March 30, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Oh Gawd, that poor kid. All he wanted to do was play Pokemon on his DSi and watch The Clone Wars, DAD. This is some serious Mommy Dearest shit right here.

EdFlintstone March 30, 2011 at 3:51 pm

The conservatives will eat this up faster than you can say Lee Greenwood.

JoeBiteme March 30, 2011 at 3:52 pm

The unhinged music teacher mother who forced this "performance" should be put in prison for child abuse.

Grief_Lessons March 30, 2011 at 3:52 pm

No, you're not crying for Amarica, you're crying for you. In thirty years when you've finished working a sixteen-hour day in your union-free plutonium mine and traded your daily foodstamps for White Kasuls and 2 packs a peace cigs, you'll take the bus past the seven-story mansion/bordello where the town's only plutocrat spends all day eating solid gold and doing millions of dollars of cocaine off a stripper's ass (your daughter is the stripper, and gets ten cents an hour).

You we should cry for, but America will be just fine.

jus_wonderin March 30, 2011 at 3:57 pm

and cakes we like?

Grief_Lessons March 30, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Slather those cakes with musturd and 3 ketchups and we've got a deal.

genxr March 30, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Sure life will be hell, but if it annoys the Democrats, then it's fine by me.

GuanoFaucet March 30, 2011 at 3:52 pm

If Thomas Jefferson were alive today, he would smack the living shit out of this kid's parents.

baconzgood March 30, 2011 at 3:53 pm

"Kory Shore is a singer, songwriter and gifted musician with the talent and charisma to rival that of child performers Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus."

I don't care how much a douche bag a kid is, that's just WAAAAAAAAY out of bounds.

(P.S. NOW I'm glad they took away my flash player.)

SorosBot March 30, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Not to mention that it's wrong – Cyrus is not a child anymore.

SayItWithWookies March 30, 2011 at 3:53 pm

That's simply inspirational. In fact, I'm inspired to pay for his mom's next abortion.

PsycWench March 30, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Downfister on the move!

baconzgood March 30, 2011 at 3:58 pm

How he can downfist us for making fun of this is beyond me.

jus_wonderin March 30, 2011 at 4:13 pm

We have to understand it is probably beyond him too.

Crank_Tango March 30, 2011 at 4:23 pm

I am kinda loving the idea of someone being so pathetic as to just sit on these posts all fucking day and clicking on the little red hands, for every single comment and reply…I mean talk about being a useless human being…
seriously, I love it.

please don't kill yourself just yet, loser, you have so much more to give the world.

baconzgood March 30, 2011 at 4:30 pm

…Or to take away. I bet he's alot like the Kid's in the Hall "Crush your head" guy.

Barbara_i March 30, 2011 at 3:53 pm

"I'm dying for America" Guess what? I'd let him! Actually, if there is anything I could do to help, just let me know.

V572del c:/*.* y/n? March 30, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Send some relatives to go visit him.

Barbara_i March 30, 2011 at 4:54 pm

I've been thinking about this. How does this little shit kid think he's "dying for America?" I'd like to see him sing this crap to Marine who is in physical rehabilatatin to learn to walk again.

V572del c:/*.* y/n? March 30, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Or somebody should take him for a walk near Fisher House at Fort Sam Houston, where he can see how some young wounded people are going to have to live out their lives with their faces disfigured, limbs missing, etc.

Ha ha! Well, no, not really. Sorry.

SorosBot March 30, 2011 at 5:16 pm

But he says he's "dying for America", not "dying for America's former President's daddy issues and lust for oil".

baconzgood March 30, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Needs Moar PedoBear.

facehead March 30, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Both vids made me feel a bit squirmish.

genxr March 30, 2011 at 4:18 pm

I have to wonder. Is this a warblog or a squirmish?

aguacatero March 30, 2011 at 3:54 pm
James Michael Curley March 30, 2011 at 4:14 pm

My sainted mother in law never understood why her grown children and there spouses rushed to the TV when "The Muppet Show" came on.

vodkamuppet March 30, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Hmmm….that sounded like a lot of soaring rhetoric and platitudes without any real substance but that would be very un-teabagger like, so I must not have been listening (I wasn't). Also, this kid has "future twink pooped out of the bottom of the gay porn industry" written all over him.

Fare la Volpe March 30, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Eh. Give him 4 years. He'll meet a rough trick named Jim and start a webcam show to pay for his PCP addiction. Tragic.

poncho_pilot March 30, 2011 at 3:55 pm

if he said he wanted to run for president the Rs would talk about an amendment to remove the age requirement. like they talked about doing on the natural citizen bit when they were hyping Schwanzenegger. downfister is back, i see.

SexySmurf March 30, 2011 at 3:55 pm

"I'm dying for the buttsechs. I'm crying for the buttsechs"

Monsieur_Grumpe March 30, 2011 at 3:56 pm

“Is our generation out of luck?”
Yes apparently.

jus_wonderin March 30, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Is Teddy giving him head?

James Michael Curley March 30, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Still waiting!

Chillwaver March 30, 2011 at 3:57 pm

"The talent and charisma to rival that of child performers Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus. "

Can you imagine combining these two into a single teabagger kid? I don't want to.

poncho_pilot March 30, 2011 at 4:05 pm

do you mean genetically? or like at cold stone when they mix two types of ice cream together?

jus_wonderin March 30, 2011 at 4:06 pm

I think he means like using the Large Hadron Collider.

GunToting[Redacted] March 30, 2011 at 5:16 pm

How about two properly aimed and calibrated catapults?

SexySmurf March 30, 2011 at 3:57 pm

This is why auto-tune was invented.

jus_wonderin March 30, 2011 at 4:07 pm

"Do you believe, believe, believe in life after love, love, love"

mesothet March 31, 2011 at 2:58 pm

The worst thing is, there is some serious autotune abuse going on in that track, yet somehow he seems off anyway. The glitchyness in the voice that really jumps out at the end of the song and at the end of the first verse betrays some heavy, heavy processing. The poor DSP trying to keep up with what I assume is wild vibrato in the kid's attempt to find a note makes the already unlistenable simply brutal.

Lesson: Some things even autotune can't fix.

To be fair to Antares, I think they used some other pitch correction program, because I haven't heard autotune proper track that poorly since that kid was in diapers. No, not last week. I mean regular size diapers.

weejee March 30, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Teabagger playing a Yamaha piano? Mmmmm, Yamaha closed their Thomaston, GA in 2007 & to the best of my knowledge & quick Google are no longer manufactured in the US. Should a for realz patriot give a shit about US jobs, other than the usual sexting jobs?

Amanwithnoplan March 30, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Does anyone else keep seeing Darth Vader instead of George Washington at the beginning?

MinAgain March 30, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Well, that puts to lie the old expression that music hath charms to soothe the savage breast. My breasts are ready to reach up and smack me in the head for clicking on the damn arrow.

LiveToServeYa March 30, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Next time, listen to your boobs. They speak wisdom. In dialog, even.

widestanceroman March 30, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Just reading comparisons to Beiber/Cyrus, I'd rather pull all of my fingernails out and insert them one after the other into my dick hole than listen or watch this.

Somebody give this Turd Newton something to cry about.

PsycWench March 30, 2011 at 3:59 pm

And twenty years down the line, you WILL be taunted by your own children.

genxr March 30, 2011 at 4:13 pm

And your children will be taunted by their friends when your video gets circulated around their school.

metamarcisf March 30, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Who's the nitwit standing on Alexander Hamilton's head?

smokefilledroommate March 30, 2011 at 4:28 pm

They should have had him hanging out of Jefferson's nose, then dropping gingerly into God's red-white-and-blue Tissue of America®.

aguacatero March 30, 2011 at 5:02 pm

That's Theodore Roosevelt — and he's not nice when he's angry.

baconzgood March 30, 2011 at 4:01 pm

I want to see the Hulkster kick this kid's ass
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PAU3iINiLCE

jus_wonderin March 30, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Does he like movies about gladiators?

smokefilledroommate March 30, 2011 at 4:02 pm

He's "dying for America"? Just wait seven or eight years and he can make that a reality, as I'm sure we'll have some middle eastern wars brewing.

SorosBot March 30, 2011 at 4:20 pm

Brewing? The current wars won't be over with that soon.

Amanwithnoplan March 30, 2011 at 4:02 pm

And I always thought that youngest brother on Malcolm in the Middle was cool, even though he looked like he had one chromosome too many. Not now.

JoshuaNorton March 30, 2011 at 4:03 pm

gifted musician with the talent and charisma….

Obviously written by someone who doesn't know the meaning of any of those words.

The Jesus halo thingy effect was a nice touch, though.

Monsieur_Grumpe March 30, 2011 at 4:03 pm

From Youtube comments:

New Rule: If you are going to ruin your son's future with homeschooling, at least let him leave the house to get a decent haircut´╗┐ first.

DemmeFatale March 30, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Downfister ahoy!!

V572del c:/*.* y/n? March 30, 2011 at 5:12 pm

He/she's one of my followers now. Yay!

JustPixelz March 30, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Here are your lyrics — or post-American modern poetry — as we call it:

I'm just a kid
Who wants to know
Where did all the great men go
All I see are lying fools
Tearing up the golden rules
I wonder where we'll all wind up
Is my generation out of luck

I'm crying for America
I'm dying for America
To stand back up and spread her wings
And soar the skies again

I have my life in front of me
So tell me now will I be free
To take my dreams from here to there
Or will the fabric finally tear
And rip the future from my hands
I'm not to young to understand

I'm crying for America
I'm dying for America
To stand back up and spread her wings
And soar the skies again

I'm praying for America
To be a great America
To stand back up
And spread her wings
And soar the skies again

The propaganda's got to stop
Don't keep us from the mountain top

I'm crying for America
I'm dying for America
To stand back up and spread her wings
And soar the skies again

I'm praying for America
To be a great America
To stand back up
And spread her wings
And soar the skies again

My America
Our America
Stand back up and spread her wings And soar the skies again

I'm crying for America
I'm dying for America
To tell me if I have a chance to soar.

jus_wonderin March 30, 2011 at 4:10 pm

"To take my dreams from here to there
Or will the fabric finally tear"

Hmmm. He wants to be a seamstress????

baconzgood March 30, 2011 at 4:20 pm

You know the first time I heard the Birth of Cool by Miles Davis I was blown away…..This kid just plain blows. His lyrics make Gorkey Park look like Chuck D.

PsycWench March 30, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Whole lotta spreading going on.

El Pinche March 30, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Fuck GarageBand. Also iMovie.

SorosBot March 30, 2011 at 4:06 pm

"Sodomy" from Hair, maybe?

James Michael Curley March 30, 2011 at 4:15 pm

When I first saw that in 1967, I was young enough and naive enough to need to look up a few of the words.

Monsieur_Grumpe March 30, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Hey he's got a crappy website! http://www.koryshore.com/
Be nice.

baconzgood March 30, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Isn't there like, I don't know, a musicians' union to keep him from recording? Fucking DAT lets any slob make a demo now a days.

weejee March 30, 2011 at 4:26 pm

At least the PRS guitar appears to be home-grown. Spendy, but home-grown.

Monsieur_Grumpe March 30, 2011 at 5:02 pm

PRS? Yeah. Mommy and Daddy must have money or it's a stock photo. At that age I was banging on guitar of unknown origin that was impossible to tune, had a tremdous buzzing sound when it wasn't squealing and the strings were at least 2 inches from the neck at the 12th fret. I have suffered.

weejee March 30, 2011 at 5:34 pm

For me it was a used Silvertone acoustic, but still plunkin' after all these years.

V572del c:/*.* y/n? March 30, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Just remember that Ashcroft, who lost a Senate election to a dead man, at least had the guts, while practically on his deathbed, to tell Gonzo to go pound sand, he (A'croft) wasn't going to sign that piece of paper 'Berto was waving in front of him to reauthorize Chimpy's unlawful trampling of the 4th Amendment.

You do wonder where he got the idea he could sing, though.

mourningnmerica March 30, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Let fascism roar
Cause we deserve it even more
Than Newt or whatever Nazi whore
Fox is cramming down our drawers.

From rocky road to throbbing arse
Republicans are such a farce
With nowhere left to hide
Get out the cyanide
A-mer-i-ca has run it's course

The GOP has many fans
So we'll be eating out of cans
And I don't mean Rentboy's ass.

Hatrabbit March 30, 2011 at 4:15 pm

"I'm crying for America, I'm dying for America" Shame will do that to you.

mavenmaven March 30, 2011 at 4:16 pm

"where did all the great men go"? Mark Foley would like to show you…

Incidentally, there are the obligatory spelling errors on the lyrics page: http://www.reverbnation.com/artist/song_details/7

Hatrabbit March 30, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Wait … What? Did Justin Bieber have Michele Bachmann's baby?

mrblifil March 30, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Worst "It Gets Better" video. Evar.

smitallica March 30, 2011 at 4:19 pm

"I'm not too young to understand. But I am just old enough to serve as a mouthpiece for my batshit fucktard parents' right-wing lunacy that I've been spoon-fed every day in between church services."

I'm crying for America, too. Probably for very different reasons than this young man.

Slim_Pickins March 30, 2011 at 4:20 pm

The profound insights of a tween, set to music no less. Something that the imbeciles with sub-90 IQs can lap up. Why isn't he on American Idol?

aguacatero March 30, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Somehow I suspect that these insights didn't originate with the tween.

Hatrabbit March 30, 2011 at 4:25 pm

This is number one with a bullet on Mark Foley's ipod list.

KeepFnThatChicken March 30, 2011 at 4:27 pm

What I see: Justin Bieber

What I hear: Dear Mr. Jesus

What I throw up: Spicy chicken salad with no italian vinaigrette

JustPixelz March 30, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Are you the boss of me? Really! Is this my boss?

(I found the lyrics on the internets. If I had tried to transcribe from the video I would have clawed my eyes and ears out after the first "soar again".)

Gopherit March 30, 2011 at 4:28 pm

He has a promising career in Christian rock…..Jesus Jesus spray your love on me…

SorosBot March 30, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Ew. And Christian rock is pretty lucrative, but as a certain young lady realized it's more lucrative to start singing generic but catchy sexualized pop while showing off your cleavage and filming videos in skimpy outfits.

Guppy06 March 30, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Cary Grant did it better.

__kth__ March 30, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Me too, kid, but the tears on my cheeks are from laughter.

jus_wonderin March 30, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Me too. And who knew I could bend like that?

__kth__ March 30, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Also Mark Foley is really rattling that corner table at Starbucks right now.

Gopherit March 30, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Was he even alive when America was great? Wait a second……was I even alive the last time America was great? Even okay-ish?

That kind of crime against a viola should not go unpunished.

BloviateMe March 30, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Don't know I would call it an anthem or anything, but I really hope this kid is Catholic, so I can root for the buggering priests without that nagging sense of guilt.

fuflans March 30, 2011 at 4:36 pm

hey kid!! if you want to see your future soar and take flight back into the sky again you should think about moving to china.

hagajim March 30, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Do we now have to rename our monument Mount Douchemore?

__kth__ March 30, 2011 at 4:38 pm

gone to young boys, every one
when will they ever learn?

Fare la Volpe March 30, 2011 at 4:44 pm

I feel so sorry for this poor, beleaguered, home-schooled white male child living in upper-middle class surburbia. Truly he knows the pain of oppression.

SorosBot March 30, 2011 at 5:02 pm

It's the pain of growing knowing that people of his race and gender no longer have quite as many unearned advantages in life as we used to.

MrsBiggTime March 30, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Hey downfister! Nice to see you again! All this talk of effeminite boys got your panties in a wad?

Fare la Volpe March 30, 2011 at 4:54 pm

No, but seeing the nubile 14-year-old left a different wad in his panties.

VinnyThePooh March 30, 2011 at 4:45 pm

"I'm dying for America."
Capital idea! Time to don the boots-n-utes, princess. Pack yer bags for Crapistan!

WordSaladNation March 30, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Shit, it's better than the new Coldplay album.

WordSaladNation March 30, 2011 at 4:53 pm

I got my downfisting cherry popped! SCORE!

el_donaldo March 30, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Jump, not-Bieber, jump! Bieber can jump, too, really.

FlipOffResearch March 30, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Boy oing!

loulouroo March 30, 2011 at 4:50 pm

I was waiting in the Rite Aid a few days back and Lee Greenwood came on over the Muzak. And several of the creepy Tulane Greek-types started singing along! FUCK ME! There is no hope for the youth of today!

iburl March 30, 2011 at 4:59 pm

"I'm dyin' for America"
So, the kid has plans to be a suicide bomber?

aguacatero March 30, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Nobody stands on TR's head.

nonbeliever7 March 30, 2011 at 5:03 pm

That poor kid. I hope he knows a good catholic priest that can console him through his anxiety issues.

anniegetyerfun March 30, 2011 at 5:05 pm

What the fuck is with conservatives and fake ficus trees?

V572del c:/*.* y/n? March 30, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Racist pundit kid: it's your move.

GunToting[Redacted] March 30, 2011 at 5:07 pm

That should be iPecac.

Monsieur_Grumpe March 30, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Brilliant!

bokononista March 30, 2011 at 5:08 pm

instead of "… out of luck.", a more poetic rhyming would have been "We are Fucked!"

Thedongsofwar March 30, 2011 at 5:17 pm

YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO DIE FOR AMERICA!

PublicLuxury March 30, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Perhaps this kid could guest star on Gilligan's Island. I'm sure he is the home-schooled apple of his parents eye. eyes?

kissawookiee March 30, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Kickin' on the Lincoln head/ Sittin' on the Washington head/ Gotta make my mind up/ Which head can I take?

Nope, no less intolerable that way.

not that Dewey March 30, 2011 at 5:43 pm
anniegetyerfun March 30, 2011 at 5:52 pm

You can cry for America, kid, but I cry for your future sex life.

Karma_Suture March 30, 2011 at 5:53 pm

I'd like to comment but then my p-ness would be exposed.
Then the troll would start playing with my p-ness and I hate it when it does that.

So…. I just won't comment until it has had it's daily fill of p-ness knavery.

Craig March 30, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Christian rock has sure gotten creepy. Where's Pedobear when we need him?

HelmutNewton March 30, 2011 at 6:00 pm

He's like a white trash, no-talent Justin Bieber. Oh, wait…

Nopantsmcgee March 30, 2011 at 6:04 pm

Where's the bullies when you need them?

undeadgoat March 30, 2011 at 6:18 pm

You don't have to worry about "Where have all the gray men gone," kiddo, you're poorly-lit enough to be a statue.

wsbloodystump March 30, 2011 at 7:40 pm

Well…Katy Perry started out as a Christian singer so maybe….oh noes

ttommyunger March 30, 2011 at 9:57 pm

Cute kid. He has about the same odds for a full life as Michael Fucking Jackson did.

Left_Leftie March 31, 2011 at 12:24 am

Where DID all the grey men go???????

Also this video is quite good when muted. And by good I mean hilariously awful.

SonofSpermcube March 31, 2011 at 9:05 am

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omx7u0ZWUAY

Apparently that is the song that qualifies his dad as a "Top 10 Producer."

hilacious March 31, 2011 at 12:49 pm

When Twilight & Wingtards collide.

Rarian Rakista March 31, 2011 at 7:46 pm
Dr_pangloss April 1, 2011 at 5:37 am

His Liberty is in danger as he sits behind a grand piano in his McMansion. I'm crying tears of sorrow for you kid, but it's not for the reason you think. You overprivilliaged libertarian fuckwit.

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