and the blogging software puts another red line under it

Sarah Palin: Is Libya a War Or Is It a ‘Squirmish’?

Why is nobody talking about this? According to leading military scientist Dr. Sarah Palin, this conflict could very well be a squirmish, which just sounds awful. Actual, no, that sounds rather cute. Can we buy it for the kids this summer and set it up in the backyard?

Also: We knew there was something unnerving about Obama starting to employ this “North Star” metaphor in speeches this year. It turns out it’s the sort of thing Sarah Palin likes. Yeah. Not only does Obama have an unpopular, never-ending new squirmish on his hands, he’s starting to talk like Lou Sarah. This is a very serious situation and may end up sinking his presidency. [Crooks and Liars via Wonkette operative “Melissa”]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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    1. Zvi_Bleindmeis

      I am flustrated about that, too. These johnny-come-lightlies just don't get it. They don't understand how our northern load star provides us with a true moral compast.

    2. kdnyc

      The current squirmish in Libya is Obama's way of refudiating Qaddafi. The English language constantly evolves. Maybe it's you libs aren't keeping up with it. It's like snarky people like you are the AP Stylebook and Palin's the OED. LOL!

  1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I once dated a girl who was a real squirmish. Best relationship I ever had.

    Edit: Strangely enough, Google Spell Checker doesn't know squirmish. Further proof of Google's Left leanings, or that they need to develop a Palin Plug-in?

      1. mayor_quimby

        I know her too, she gets around. Totally ruined my mattress, the plastic sheets did fuck-all to prevent the mess.

    1. Gleem_McShineys

      Could they just develop a Palin Plug?
      You know, to cork them.

      Important Spec: Has to fit both pie- and skank-holes.

    2. Not_So_Much

      I thought squirmish only referred to what one did with teh buttsecks — inserting the penis in another man's rectum and squirming around in excrement?

    1. baconzgood

      I do know if you invade one with no pretense, afterward she has to pay for the kit herself in Alaska. The other, even if the U.N sais no it doesn't matter. But, I don't remember which is which.

    2. riverside68

      Playing with one without consent will get you extradited to Sweden.
      The other not so much

    3. Chet Kincaid

      Yes she does! She saw "Sex And The City II", and the one girl quipped, "He's the Lawrence of my Labia", so obvs that's the name of the cuntry. Let's not squirmish about it!

    1. Flat_Earther

      I thought it was Alaskan for 'my daughter is upstair probablying F'ing a guy from school and she may be pregnant'. No, I'm sorry that's a Bristol.

    2. The_Great_Gazoo

      Is pregnant an adjective? Just asking so I will know that, if so, squirmish is not only a noun and a verb, but also an adjective. And a grammatical trifecta such as that really packs some weight.

  2. Gopherit

    Sure, Sarah. Start this crap again right AFTER the revised Oxford English Dictionary goes to print. You have to be faster. You are misunderesimating their abilities, and i am here to refudiate you for it.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      Or what the English language does while trying not to fall out of Sarah Palin's mouth?

  3. edgydrifter

    I think she's describing what Todd feels when he rattles his spawn wand around her greasy birth canyon.

    1. Moonbatting Average

      This caused me simultaneous attacks of giggling and nausea. Squirmishness, I think it's called

  4. philpjfry

    Let's ask her opinion on the sun coming up in the morning. I hear Obama's for it which means she gets squirmish and afraid every dawn. Aragont no nothing evil bitch. As if it matters what we call it.

    1. aqua_buddha

      If you squint, she's looks like a squirrel.
      A gigantic ferocious squirrel.
      S'quite a sight.

    2. V572del c:/*.* y/n?

      Saw Gertie @DCA once, pre-surgery. She's a tiny little sprite with glowing bleached hair.

      That doesn't mean anything. But there it is.

    3. Mumbletypeg

      "Gretta van Susteren is really nauseating"

      Then they're well-matched. Anyway Todd, I take it, does not find Susteren's deficiencies insquirmountable.

    4. FoxyO_Wiley

      Oh how I long for the Gretta of the OJ days…she was fantastically squirmish back then, but now only makes me hurt.

  5. Grief_Lessons

    Other things the Libya conflict may be: engragement, fraycas, imbruglia, flustercluck.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Her delusions of grandeur never turned into something real, either. Other than cold, hard cash. Too bad she blew it on her oldest daughter's cat-house.

      1. Grief_Lessons

        Cold and shamed, lying naked on the floor. Get up, put on some clothes fer chrissakes.

  6. anniegetyerfun

    Sarah talks like a novelty t-shirt with a slogan about being drunk. "I swear I'm sober, ociffer!"

        1. riverside68

          He's welcome to them, dime a dozen is the price I believe
          I'm loaded and this gun's not afraid to use me.

  7. memzilla

    Squirmish (adj): referring to small bushy-tailed rodents in Pennsylvania Dutch country who eschew electricity and zippers.

  8. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Can everyone now agree that $arah Palin should be left on an ice flow or something? For the good of the Nation?

    1. Dances_For_Ham

      I continue to hope and pray a freight train will drop on Ms. Palin. Always have, always will. There…. I said it.

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        Not with the fucking climate change Lionel, there are no floes left to spare unless she snipers the last of the Polar Bears.

  9. DashboardBuddha

    Squirmish is how she describes sex with Todd. He doesn't so much penetrate as squirm around, thus squirmish.

    1. Rotundo_

      Sort of like the salmon do it, only you don't die right away, you just wish you could, eternally..

  10. SayItWithWookies

    You know, Philosopher-Queen Sarah Palin is really onto something here — the reason Americans don't like war is that the terms aren't cute enough. We should really have a De-Miniaturized Zone between the belly-giants to cease hospitilities, otherwise we'll end up with a messacre with lots of collie-lateral damage.

  11. Ducksworthy

    Oh not you don't Jack. Not again. I know what's behind that play arrow and I'm not clicking on the clicky to hear the spoutings off the gibberish grifter.

    1. FNMA


      Which I think is an Inuit word for something — quitter governor or snowbilly grifter…something like that

  12. baconzgood

    In the spirit of Sarah I'm making up my own word

    Palin-drone: adj./adv./ verb- to vacuously drone on and on without making a lick of sense.

    1. GeneralLerong

      Beauty! "a word salad of palindrones" – sounds pretty creepy!

      Let's discuss recipe possibilities: Some bitter greens with alphabet noodles , somother in… smothered in….uhnnn, never mind.

      I never eat salad anymore anyway, certainly not in a restaurant.

  13. problemwithcaring

    "I was for the no-fly zone, before I was against it. But I am not really against it. Or something."

  14. imissopus

    I know it's pretty much rhetorical to ask this whenever Sustern is blowing a Palin like that, but still, what the FUCK are you two nitwits yammering about?

    1. Thurman Munster IV

      …what the FUCK are you two nitwits yammering about? A beautifully turned phrase indeed. Thank you.

    2. ChessieNefercat

      "…what the FUCK are you two nitwits yammering about?"

      Always with the gotcha questions!

    1. comrad_darkness

      Don't you mean Squamish, BC? Being as it is just north of Vancouver, Sarah could see it from her house.

  15. donner_froh

    It is possible to mispronounce a word while on live TV. The best way to deal with it is to not deal with it since those listening/watching are more interested in what you think about an issue than how you pronounce all the words.

    Unless you are Sarah Palin (may the peace of Allah be upon her). Then making such an egregious mess of a very common English word shows she doesn't know what it means. Which is typical because she is a stupid trollop who thinks knowing stuff is for liberal elitists.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      "those listening/watching are more interested in what you think about an issue than how you pronounce all the words"
      However, in Sarah's case, there is no thinking going on, about the issue or anything else, so people might as well focus on her pronunciation.

      "…she is a stupid trollop who thinks knowing stuff is for liberal elitists"
      You're a very kind person to ascribe "thinks" to whatever bug-zapper random electrical zots! are going on in that skull of hers.

      1. tessiee

        "to ascribe "thinks" to whatever bug-zapper random electrical zots! are going on in that skull of hers."

        *kisses Chessie on the cheek*

        Um, you *do* have a cheek, right? You haven't disappeared entirely except for a smile? Cause I can always kiss you on the lips. *applies strawberry lipgloss*

    1. ProgressiveInga

      Right? Who the hell wants nuance and well-reasoned thought when going to war? Mushroom clouds, yellow cake, uranium, WMD. Now those are REAL reasons to bomb the hell out of a country thank you very much.

      1. tessiee

        "those are REAL reasons to bomb the hell out of a country thank you very much"

        Well, that and oil.

    1. Fare la Volpe

      T'was a sustern, and the alaskunts
      Did squire and squimble in the glate:
      All a cringely were the bristolcoves
      And the willotrigs refudiate.

      1. not that Dewey

        Beware the Snowbilly, my son:
        The jaws that yawp, the flaccid snatch.
        Beware the Todd-Todd turd, and shun
        The furious wingnut klatsch.

      2. not that Dewey

        And, as in squirmish thought she stood
        The Snowbilly, with dearth of shame
        Came grifting through the common good
        And shifting all the blame.

  16. franco_pinyon

    Is it the lack of sunlight during Alaskan winters? Is it caribou meat? Is it hairspray?

    1. The_Great_Gazoo

      Used as a verb, it refers to the act, either purposeful or accidental, of expelling santorum. For example, "Excuse me while I use the ladies' room. I need to squirmish." Or, "Oops, I just squirmished in my panties."

  17. randcoolcatdaddy

    The Urban Dictionary provides this definition:

    "A verbal stoush between two or more parties that is so petty, pointless, misinformed or ill-conceived that it makes witnesses wince with embarrassment, or so uncomfortable that they don't know where to look."

    Yep…that fits most anything Sarah Palin is involved with…

  18. mavenmaven

    That bit where she started talking about the North Star as Alaska's GPS made me literally rip my own head off at the neck.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      You didn't stick around for the confusion between astronomical concepts (North Star), gravitational concepts (a plumb line), and Tom Toms?

      Smart, very smart.

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        Next, she'll start shooting her fingers in the air a la Tina Fey after her cutsie over-the-top Alaskan references.

        1. ChessieNefercat

          Do you suppose she has any idea that the North Star can be seen outside of Alaska?

  19. WhatTheHeck

    Now that we are at war with the Squamish, we will finally bring democracy to those communist Canadians.

  20. kissawookiee

    Lou Sarah would like us all to know that in the Palin White House, she will be the one deciding on wars and squirmishes, in heels and a squirt.

  21. jus_wonderin

    And, I waved my wand of magic and make the word "Quittage". Fixed for all time. There. You. Go.

    1. tessiee

      They actually have 72 different words for "dumb cunt", although before Silly Sarah's ascendancy, they only had one.

  22. MegPasadena

    I heard that North Star is Lou Sarah's code name among the Palin people.
    That's why she got all excited when it got mentioned by the President.
    It is true!

    1. Mumbletypeg

      As a kid I would have killed to get my hands on one of those. I can't remember if I ever did.

  23. Fare la Volpe

    What Greta said:
    There were a lot of nuances in his speech

    What Sarah heard:
    Blah blah blah blah Not Sarah Palin blah blah

    1. Negropolis

      Actually, this is what I think Sarah head:

      "meow meow meow meow. meow meow meow meow. meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow…"

  24. Gleem_McShineys

    There's no need to be so squornful. She obliviously just misbeglotted lingistically.

  25. pinkocommi

    Because Sarah Lou was born a real American, she refuses to speak real English. Until we have a 100% American language, she'll invent her own.

    1. Jim89048

      Which, maybe according to the shrub, is uniquely American. Kinda like working two jobs to put food on your family.

  26. ChessieNefercat

    Remember Noriega? I think we should blast Sarah's shriekingest yammerings into Gaddafi's compound. Five minutes to squirrender?

  27. DustBowlBlues

    If Sarah Palin didn't exist, wonkette would have to invent her. It's never a slow day on the humor front when this utter moron opens her pie hole.

    1. ShaveTheWhales

      Truly, I do not think even the combined snarkalopogus of Wonkette could invent this (I'm at a loss*) alleged person.

      *There are so many pejoratives, but really none of them properly describe her vileness.

  28. ChessieNefercat

    With Sarah, it's minimal education and no need for the occasional fastball to the melon.

  29. AngryGeometer

    Nothing says "presidential gravitas" like talking like the sweetly retarded girl from the Family Circus.

  30. tessiee

    I remember being around 14 years old or so, and thinking that my parents were the absolute stupidest people living. Somewhere around my 21st birthday, I outgrew that childish belief.

    What are her kids going to do in case they live that long?

    1. ChessieNefercat

      "I remember being around 14 years old or so, and thinking that my parents were the absolute stupidest people living….What are her kids going to do in case they live that long? "

      Well, odds are, they won't be, you know, thinking, so I'm thinking (har-har) that it won't be a problem for them.

    1. 教授 Zoom

      There is always a troll about. They seem to believe that the downfisting "drives us crazy," because we notice it.

      I think that just maybe they can't tell the difference between "Oh, that's odd, why does my post has a "0?" and "Oh, horrors! My life has no meaning anymore! Surely I shall be driven mad, MAD!!! And then I shall cease believing in anything, including my muslin/communist/socialist/gay-promoting/America-hating liberal agenda!"

      1. ChessieNefercat

        Well, it is annoying, in the same way that my cat hawking up hairballs or my dog farting is annoying, but geez, I don't lose sleep over it. Cats gotta hawk, dogs gotta fart, trolls gotta downfist, I guess.

        Now, I really like upfisting people even if I don't have time to comment. It's a nice thing to do, I think.

        Who gets off on anonymously doing a mean-spirited thing like downfisting? I guess the trolls got nothin' else to do now that they can't vote repeatedly and meaninglessly for the untalented lazyass Palin spawn on some stupid reality show?

        1. PuckStopsHere

          I guess the trolls got nothin' else to do now that they can't vote repeatedly and meaninglessly for the untalented lazyass Palin spawn on some stupid reality show?
          Pretty. Much.

  31. Flat_Earther

    Does anybody still take her seriously. Even the Faux News people have to be laughing at her.

  32. Chet Kincaid

    This stupid bitch can't conceive of how it would be in our national interest NOT to be in charge of attacking another Arab country without the buy-in of other Arab states and the international community. What a fucking waste of hair and glasses. However, "squirmish" is brilliant, goddamn that idiot-savant cunt.

  33. VinnyGonzanzano

    (Forget about 'squirmish': the piece de resistance of the exchange is the following:)

    Greta: I was concerned Obama's speech wasn't clear enough, didn't directly address the rationale for military action in Libya.

    Lou Sarah: Well, he did mention the North Star, so that was good.

  34. EdFlintstone

    Worst job in the world, Sarah's copy editor when she was a sportscaster. I never knew Rickey Henderson led the league in troubles and driples.

  35. owhatever

    Again, Squarah infuriates her libtard critics with her elegant use of the English language.

  36. MadBrahms

    Palin: "And U.S. interests can't just mean validating some kind of post-American theory of intervention wherein we wait for the Arab League and the United Nations to tell us 'thumbs up America, you can go now, you can act', and then we get in the back of the bus and we wait for NATO, we wait for the French to lead us. That's not inspirational.""

    Not *inspirational*? Our foreign policies need to be *inspirational*? What the fuck does she want us to do, deploy Thomas Kincaid? Bomb them with copies of that "footprints" poem? Conquer them with a rousing rendition of "On Eagles' Wings"? I am at a loss here.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      Well, I wouldn't want to see that nice Vanna lady that does all the knitting patterns cry, but that conservatard host deserves Palin on the show.

      Didn't Miss Piggy of Muppets fame do a version called Squeal of Fortune? How apropos.

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        Actually, I was thinking that Sarah is more like the Vanna White or Suzanne Somers of Politics rather than the Paris Hilton or Charlie Sheen – Vanna became a mega-star in the 90's for no reason whatsoever except for her vapid bright smile and her darling All American Girl ideal looks. She makes an estimated $4 million a year for turning letters and wrote a best-selling autobiography. Suzanne was blond enough to pass for attractive and wasn't afraid to take a goofy role in television. She's leveraged her one minute of an acting career into a multi-million dollar brand.

        However, neither Vanna or Suzanne are seemingly mean-spirited and toxic figureheads, so I take it back. Charlie Sheen it is. Winning!

        1. ChessieNefercat

          Oh, I see! Sarah as host! Geez, how long until a guest crawled right over that wheel and throttled her? (But there was a letter H, there was!) I agree with your assessment of both Vanna White and Suzanne Somers, but as you say, they don't seem to be mean-spirited people. Unlike our Harpy Of The North.

  37. The_Great_Gazoo

    I know what you were trying to say. You were going to remind us that 25 years ago Doc in "Back to the Future" was targeted by armed "Libyans" in a minivan in the parking lot of the shopping mall just before Marty McFly went back to the future.

    And now here we are, back to the future. Or somesuch.

  38. MiniMencken

    Tonight, Squirmish people around the world are sleeping the sleep of the saved, knowing that Sarah is their true and constant champion.

  39. Negropolis

    Translation: Awll yore English langwidge R beelong two I/me.

    Sarah, that words doesn't mean what you think it means.

    BTW, the attempt to build a bridge-to-nowhere to connect this with Obama (along with all of the other weak tea comparisons) is just fucking ridiculous.


  40. Negropolis

    Squirrenders is when you surrender with squirrels, I hear. I'm not sure any such animal is indigenuous to Libya, so we're stuck with Qaddhafi for the time being until we can airdrop some squirrels in there.

  41. Negropolis

    Whatever war Obama is raging in Libya, there is not a war in our recent memory with more casualties than Mrs. Palin's brutal War Against the Englih Language/Battle For Teabonics. The atrocities she's committed against this proud, freedom-loving language are eligible for immediate prosecution at the Hague. Never forget!

    When is Obama going to come to the English language's aid, hengh? Surely, this is further proof of his moral weakness and degeneracy. Mommas, don't let your boys grow up to be president.

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