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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • DownFist Troll

    I too, have been blocked from Sarah Palin's FB

    • anniegetyerfun

      Today, we all all Sarah Palin Facebook blockees.

      • OC_Surf_Serf

        now if could just block her face and books from the intertubes…

        • horsedreamer_1

          If only we could have tied her tubes twenty-five years ago.

          • Not_So_Much

            Her Mom's, 50 years ago, would have been even more of gift to humanity…

      • anniegetyerfun

        If only I could spell.

        • BlueMonkeh

          lol – today we r all bad spellrz – like Palin

        • Sophist [غني عن ذلك]

          Grammer? I barely know her!

          • finallyhappy

            Kelsey is a he!

    • Gopherit

      So was I….and what a fun morning that was.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I have been blocked from Sarah Palin's FB. All of them.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Try re-registering as Lou Sarah 01.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I too, have been blocked from Sarah Palin's FB

      And all of you, birthers or otherwise, were blocked because you were not focusing enough attention on Sarah. It's her facebook, dammit, not Obama's.

      • Gopherit

        Really, who would have thought you could be blocked for spouting birther shit on her FB? I can only assume they took her comment as some sort of snark. She probably spelled it "burth sertifikut."

  • catchtheflava

    Ah, I'm glad to see he's fishing for the crazy vote. TRUMP/SHITHOUSE RAT '12

    • Graham Cracker

      The sane would surely never vote for him!

    • anniegetyerfun

      Wait, but who would be running for VP?

      • catchtheflava

        Perhaps MinuteMom herself? That would be a showstopper of a move.

    • Gleem_McShineys

      SHITHOUSE RAT

      Now hold on there, the 12th Amendment clearly states that his Is his hair is ineligible as VP, because it resides in the same state as Trump.

  • sussemilch

    Sarah, so mean :( she's just a tiny mom.

  • OurHoboSenator

    Don't need no One Minute Mom

    • Extemporanus

      Ludacris!

      • horsedreamer_1

        If it's an hot minute, it's Anthony Kiedis.

        In fact, given the state of the Michigan economy, I think Anthony Kiedis's dad going door-to-door selling childhood photos of his rock-star son is the leading industry.

        • Extemporanus

          Give it away, give it away, give it away now!

    • 教授 Zoom

      It goes without saying that, as a Real American, she's no New York Minute Mom.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    I can say it in 20 characters
    "GOP=Fucking Retards."

    • The_Great_Gazoo

      And you can shorten that to 13: "GOP=Fucktards."

  • slithytoves

    Did they at least use a stick to draw a line through that pile of shit?

  • elviouslyqueer

    Needs moar #bitchplz

  • pinkocommi

    Who knew Sarah Palin had any standards at all? Also.

    • MegPasadena

      Thanks to her official FB managing team, not leaving it to Lou Sarah.

    • comrad_darkness

      All I can figure is she can't take the distraction from her her her.

    • ChessieNefercat

      She just doesn't want people asking about the Trigster's birth certificate.

    • Negropolis

      Who knew Sarah Palin['s Facebook manager] had any standards at all? Also.

      Fixed.

      Sarah Palin? Well, she's still totally without scruples. Scruple-free since 1964!

  • undeterredbyreality

    In other news, Hell freezes over.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Trump gets a boost from the crazies and Sarah Palin emerges as the Tea Party's moderate. Win-win.

    • aqua_buddha

      Celebrate with a fizzy Gin And Overtonic.

  • baconzgood

    Is MinuteMom Trump's Lou Sarah? Inquiring minds want to know.

  • edgydrifter

    I know he's already released a birth certificate, and the governor of the state where he was born vouched for him, and snopes debunked claims to the contrary, and even most of his political opponents stopped questioning his birthplace a long time ago, but still…
    He's just so urban.
    It really makes you wonder, doesn't it?

    • freakishlywrong

      They're not racists! Nope. Some of their best friends are Kenyan Colonialists Muslin usurpers.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Herman Cain is a double-agent!?

        • DemmeFatale

          Cain's not a double-agent, he's a strategy.

          (Why he doesn't get this, is beyond me.)

      • riverside68

        For being so very urban, he is clean and well spoken.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Not just urban, but very, very urban.

      • OC_Surf_Serf

        worse, a Turban Urban…

        (I am sooo sorry…Must. Resist. Compulsions.)

      • elviouslyqueer

        Not to mention very, very near. Also, too, as well.

      • SorosBot

        Very urban, but also articulate.

    • V572del c:/*.* y/n?

      You're talking about The Donald, right? He is pretty damn urban.

    • Failure_Artist

      Sure he's written two autobiographies and released tons of photos, but I don't feel like I know him.

      • 教授 Zoom

        I'm just not comfortable. I mean, what do we really know about him?

    • catholic4condom

      Obama can't be an American because Americans are either white or black and talk like Jimmy JJ Walker. Obama doesn't talk like an American Black so he can't be from here. That's the reasonong that has made birtherism the fastest growing political movement since William Howard Taft discovered laxitives.

  • Hatrabbit

    Thank You Trump …ewwww .

    Nothing good can come after that opening.

  • Zombie_Reagan

    Minute Mom has Birther hips

    • Negropolis

      FTW

  • Allmighty_Manos

    WHY IS SARAH PALIN COVERING UP THE TRUZTH ABOUT KENYAN SOCIALIST OBAMA!! (Sorry I just set up my automatic Politico comments program)

    • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

      God, have you ever seen the commenters over at the The Hill online? Utterly gobsmackingly batshit.

  • Schmannnity

    Palin blocking inquiries from birthers? Does that mean Palin is less crazy or less opportunistic? Must be less crazy, the alternative is an impossibility.

    • Ducksworthy

      Actually the answer to both is the same. No.

    • 教授 Zoom

      Neither less crazy nor less opportunistic. Just has handlers who can count. There's enough people who are crazy enough to support Palin without courting the barking mad birthers, who are a minority of a minority.

      God knows if there were a sufficiently large pederast vote, and if they were likely to give her money, she'd be asking why Obama persecutes NAMBLA.

  • freakishlywrong

    Oh Minute Mom, Freedom Fighter. Everyone knows the true act of patriotism is to question the citizenship of your President and the validity of the U.S. of America Government. A few short years ago this was known as "treasonous"

    • DaRooster

      Now it is Patriotism…

      Dude, we're SOOOO fucked… *sigh*

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      The important thing is for the soldiers to refuse orders from Obama. That is the end-point for this game. Your move, birthers.

    • GOPCrusher

      Check out the Yahoo comments regarding Obama ordering the bombing of Libya. According to the WingNuts, attacking sovereign nations in the hopes of effecting regime change, is an impeachable offense.
      Who knew?

      • Beowoof

        Really, and we blew the chance to impeach Bush, well I am sure Congress won't blow it again.

    • Negropolis

      Yea, treason is the reason for the season!

    • Negropolis

      Win

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Once again Trump the Megalomaniac is getting credit for something a bunch of other people did first.

  • anniegetyerfun

    It's entirely possible that she was blocked from Sarah Palin's Facebook page for using correct punctuation and recognizable spelling standards.

    • MrsBiggTime

      sure sign of the elitist.

    • Fare la Volpe

      LOU SARAH SMASH GRAMMER SPELING

    • Beowoof

      We'll have none of that there fukcing edukated talking on Sara's page.

  • JoshuaNorton

    Well of course Trump is as crazy as any of the foaming birthers. Could anybody sane look in a mirror every day and think "great hair"? The last time I saw something like on top of a persons head it had a chin strap.

    • DaRooster

      I think he's going for the Davey Crockett look, sans tail.

    • [redacted]hse

      A chin-strap, and high-heels.

    • loulouroo

      The last time I saw something like that on someone's head it had a paws.

  • The_Great_Gazoo

    If Sarah Palin's Facebook page is blocking all the purse pistol packing freedom fighting Minute Mom birther wingnuts, it would stand to reason that Sarah Palin's Facebook page should also put a block on Sarah Palin.

    • [redacted]FetusJar

      Hey Sarah :

      To thine own self be true, bitch. Also.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Why did $arah block her? What's her dirty birf certificate secret?!?!?
    Is she part (shudder) Canadian?

    • aqua_buddha

      Black, Proud, and uhm .. Russian.
      Remember when Putin stuck his head up her airspace ?

  • BlueStateLibel

    She is thanking Trump for bringing his own questionable birth certificate into the public eye? BTW, Minute Mom, you are crazy, I feel sorry for your kids.

  • Zombie_Reagan

    Is it difficult to be a self-professed "Freedom Fighter" whilst wearing Mom jeans?

    • Fare la Volpe
      • OkieDokieDog

        Jeeez Mom! Ur camel toe is showing.

    • GOPCrusher

      Can you really be seen planting IED's in a Dodge Caravan?

    • Beowoof

      But I bet her bacon and nacho cheese fries ass fills them out completely.

    • DemmeFatale

      Why yes, Zombie.

      (Everyone knows that fighting for freedom is easier in sweat pants.)

      • Negropolis

        And, easier still in a track suit. This is good news for Arabs!

  • LiveToServeYa

    Yes, but where's Trump's Certificate of Real Hair?

  • Hatrabbit

    Thank you Trump …

    -for making me look at your shitty hairdo for the last twenty years.

    -for making Michele Bachmann look like the second stupidest candidate.

    -for making Elizabeth Hasselbeck's nipples go hard when you went all birther on The View.

    -for singlehandedly keeping our economy afloat with your collection of solid gold bidets.

  • LabRodent

    Thats all I need baby one Minute.

  • Gopherit

    I think Twitter is the best thing to happen with teabagging conservatards. I can barely stand to read anything they say. 140 characters is probably my limit.

  • Hatrabbit

    Minute Mom … Freedom Fighter?

    Only terrorists want to fight freedom.

  • Hatrabbit

    Apparently that's not a dead chipmunk on The Donald's head, it's a Freedom Fighter helmet.

    • Crank_Tango

      foil lined, no less.

  • neiltheblaze

    Sarah probably decided that birtherism is the wrong mud to hurl. I'm surprised she figured it out.

    • GOPCrusher

      One of her handlers probably told her not to pander to the Batshyt Crazy Demographic.

  • PocketsTheClown

    She looks a little mediterranean… jus sayin is all.

    • SexySmurf

      She's obviously a Nicaraguan contra.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Wes Unseld wants her dead.

  • http://www.fifthinternational.org/content/education-programme 4TheTurnstiles

    Dear MinuteMom, Freedom Fighter:

    Spend a night at my house. You won't shit right for a month afterward, but you'll have a totally different view of freedom, resistance, stretching your limits, giving birth, and santorum. Free offer! just no talking.

    Yours with a firm hand,
    4TT

    • http://www.fifthinternational.org/content/education-programme 4TheTurnstiles

      Oh, and you'll never go back to that constipated closet-case Ned Flanders husband of yours again. (don't you think he deserves a few "poker nights" with the boys anyway?)

    • Failure_Artist

      Ewww.

  • fuflans

    freedom fighter??? freedom fucking fighter ??!?!??!? what the fuck have you EVER fought for lady 'mom'? what have you ever had on the line??? go to fucking libya or tibet or burma or afghanistan or death row in fucking texas and then talk about 'freedom fighting'.

    god. and sorry i got no snark. that fucking moniker really pissed me off.

    • Doktor Avalanche

      Why do you hate freedom?

    • freakishlywrong

      fu, she is fighting the tyranny of mild reforms on a for-profit health insurance system. Get with it. Sheesh!

    • Failure_Artist

      Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.

    • GOPCrusher

      She's fighting for freedom from the Muslim Kenyan Socialist Usurper.

    • AngryGeometer

      Hell, if she wanted to fight communism and help only white people, she could head to Belarus. THERE ARE WHITE PEOPLE BEING OPPRESSED! The suffering of one white person somewhere is the suffering of the white race, everywhere. How can a birth certificate compare to that?

      Oh, and the infant mortality rate in Belarus is lower than it is here, making it a great destination for moms!

  • SorosBot

    Lady, other women's husbands may have been able to impregnate them in just a minute but it's normally not something to brag about.

  • DaRooster

    "Minute Mom?"

    That's some looseness.

    • Extemporanus

      Minute Mom has a big hand.

      • smokefilledroommate

        But I thought her husband was Sixty Minute Man.

  • Captain_Quark

    Wait a second. I'm supposed to believe that our Freedom Fighting Minute Mom posts to her Twitter feed with an iphone? Can a batshit crazy truther teabagger really bring itself to use such an obviously leftist bit of technology? Or is this further proof that the iphone interface is so simple that even a teabagging simian can use it? Questions, questions….

    • genxr

      I can see her now, galloping through Lexington (NH) in a minivan shouting "The Kenyans are coming! The Kenyans are coming!"

    • FNMA

      Yes, it is that simple. They particularly enjoy the Feces Throwing ap.

  • Extemporanus

    Down Syndrome vs. Donald Syndrome…FIGHT!

  • nounverb911

    Does Minute Mom come in half gallon containers? Does she contain pulp?

    • freakishlywrong

      She ♪♫could.♪♫. If ya get muh drif…

  • Crank_Tango

    The best part about all of this is this asshole is obviously trying to keep his shitty apprentice show alive, when I think it will just be the final nail in its coffin.

    • Beowoof

      I never watched it before and now I will ask people not to watch.

    • Rotundo_

      The crew of has beens and never weres on this season is something to behold. It was pure, distilled, essence of shit when Joan Rivers and her talent-free daughter were on it. Now it has LaToya Jackson and other "Z" listers no one has heard of, or wants to hear from. Trump is losing it in a lot of ways, not just hairline.

  • genxr

    Lou Sarah gives this a thumbs up

  • GuanoFaucet

    One man's freedom fighter, is another man's keyboard retard.

  • chascates

    Still waitin' on Jesus' birf certificate.

    • Negropolis

      I know, right? Last time I checked, he was born in Bethlehem and raised in Nazareth, both of them filled with Palestinians. He may be an Arab, just sayin'.

  • Sophist [غني عن ذلك]

    Wow, that is a thing of beauty. It's perfect. It's like some sort of Republican koan. What is the sound of one braincell tweeting? This.

  • PublicLuxury

    This means WAR. If the unemployment rate wasn't so fuckin' high then 'those' people would find something better to do, like slaughtering their pastor or terrorizing children from playing out doors or hassling unsuspecting postal employees.

  • loulouroo

    Gee THANKS Trump, because we are getting within two years of the actual election, so the frontrunners' handlers are damping down the crazy. Because Minute Mom has had her head up her ass for the last 3 years and hasn't been paying attention to the refudiation proof, Trump is her man! Minute Mom, don't worry, there's plenty of room in the Teatard party for balloon heads yet. Jump on in!

  • smokefilledroommate

    'Murka should be proud of a Mom who Fights for our Freedumbs for roughly 60 seconds before taking the kids to soccer practice.

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      You noticed that too, eh?

  • chascates

    Via Crooks & Liars:
    Called in by Fox News to deconstruct President Obama's speech, she wonders aloud whether the Libya action is a war, an intervention or a "squirmish".

    The balance of her "opinion" is to be expected, but at the end, just after the "squirmish" drop, she goes on some weird tangent about the North Star and how it's a guide.

    • freakishlywrong

      Look for "squirmish" to be Websters Word of the Year.

      • horsedreamer_1

        It's going to put up a fight, but WINNING will, well, win.

        Tiger-style.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Got to celebrate it!

    • Come here a minute

      What a coincidence, listening to Sarah Palin speak makes me squirmish.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

      Her moniker Minute Mom must refer to her attention span.

  • OkieDokieDog

    Thank you Trump for giving Gary Busey a job. Other than that – fuck off.

  • riverside68

    Minute Mom or Minute Mon?
    OMG she's part of the Jamacian rasta cabal.

    Wake up Sheeple!

  • problemwithcaring

    Bring the question to the forefront? Didn't the President's own campaign start a much criticized/publicized website (FighttheSmears) to debunk your stupid "question" like 2 years ago?? Didn't six sitting members of Congress c0-sponsor a bill about this shit question 6 months into Obama's presidency? Hasn't every single GOP hopeful, even remotely associated with a presidential run, been asked their thoughts about the President's birth?

    What part of any of this is 'Donald Trump bringing the question to the forefront"?

    • loulouroo

      Hasn't SCOTUS already slapped the birfers frivolus lawsuits? Where has Minute Mom been for the last 3 years?? What freedom has she ever fought for?

  • JoshuaNorton

    Three words "The Donald" needs to remember. Meg. Fuckin'. Whitman.

    Look it up.

    • genxr

      At least he won't be making fun of Obama's hair.

      • hilacious

        Wrong rich white CA woman losing candidate.

        But you still got a chuckle and an upfist from me.

        • GOPCrusher

          Oh, I don't know. I'll bet under that rug, The Donald has a world class five head to rival Meg Whitman's.

    • BlueStateLibel

      I don't think Trump has nearly as much money as people think, and I suspect his whole run for the presidency is bullshit, designed to prop up a failing empire. It reminds me of something, oh, yeah, the country where I live.

  • genxr

    Her tweets are hilarious. 3 days before complaining she got blocked from Sarah's fb page she wrote this:

    "twitter needs to change it so they can't see your tweets and you can't see theirs. Like facebook"

  • mrpuma2u

    Who is the Donald going to choose for his running mate? Joe the plunger? Will he then tell Joe "Yoah FI-ahd" after Joe inevitably dicks up some public appearance by appearing and speaking? Oooooh my naughty bits are all a tingle at the mad cap hijinx that will ensue. Run Trump run, it will be far more entertaining than your stupid TV show ever dreamed of being.

    • loulouroo

      Seriously. He may crash and burn harder and brighter than Palin or even Bachmann. And Huckabee is just so boring he might get elected. Run, Donald, Run! I'd get a big ol' bowl of popcorn for those fireworks. Then I'll beg France to take us (the sovereign state of Louisiana, according to Russell Pearce) back.

  • iburl

    I was blocked from Palin's FB too. (Funky Bush).

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    MinuteMom, busy Freedom Fighter, also sez:

    I was born and raised in the city and I look forward to watching Giuliani do for the US what he did for NYC.

    Hooray, no more graffiti on US.

    Hubby just went out to buy a mega million ticket. Wish him luck!

    ;and

    regardless of the certificate, constitution also states that both parents must have an allegiance to no other country but the US

    Yes, but what does our Constitution say?

    • loulouroo

      Where the fuck does it say THAT?! Nobody's parents were born here back then.

  • proudgrampa

    Don't need 136 chars to say, "Fucked up!"

  • DashboardBuddha

    Minute Mom? Freedom Fighter?! Jingoistic, self-aggrandizing patriotism makes me puke.

    • GOPCrusher

      "Jingoistic, self-aggrandizing patriotism makes me puke."=Great ribbon magnet slogan.

  • jonzin

    Also, is the downfisting troll on the loose again?

  • Mahousu

    MinuteMom also tweets: Two years ago, my LONG FORM birth certificate was denied at the motor vehicle agency because it didn't have a raised seal on it.

    Yeah, it didn't have a raised seal because it was an INTERNET FORGERY! MinuteMom is just another KENYAN DEEP PLANT AGENT, trying to lure true USA AMERICANS with the siren song of JAMAICAN=KENYAN LITE POSEUR Donald Trump.

    • GOPCrusher

      Sleeper agent. She was activated that day her phone rang and she heard the words, "John has a long mustache.".

  • 教授 Zoom

    Please follow this gal on Twitter, where you can get updates on her new patriotic family band: "Minute Mom and the Sloppy Seconds." (They're touring Texas on a double bill with The AfterBirthers)

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Jeeze take it easy on her. She's been a Mom for only a minute.

  • hagajim

    Minute Mom – she's only a minute mom because every time her husband pins her dumb ass down to inseminate her she fights for her freedom and he ends up finishing in 60 seconds because she is so squirmish.

    • Negropolis

      This is just like Sesame Street. I'm learning so much about the English language. Learning is fun!

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Hey, MinuteMom – Those drugs you seem to be taking? I don't want any of those drugs, please.

  • GOPCrusher

    Oily Titz is actually a Democratic plant?

    • SorosBot

      According to Kristol, yes

      • Lascauxcaveman

        So she's a "False Fag" operation; a gay man dressed up to look like a woman?

  • problemwithcaring

    "If you leave me, I will kill myself. I will elect Michelle Bachman president."

    • jus_wonderin

      LOL. You play this game well.

      "Oh god. You know how to push my buttons. Of course, now I can't leave. Next you will be saying that Newt will be VP."

      • problemwithcaring

        It was either that or I am pregnant. But I couldn't find a good metaphor for America With Child.

        • Negropolis

          How about, "…or I'll post all of the nude pictures you sent me on my Facebook and send them to your boss/family"?

  • fartknocker

    On March 26th MinuteMom also tweeted:

    "Two years ago, my LONG FORM birth certificate was denied at the motor vehicle agency because it didn't have a raised seal on it."

    So this goofy bitch question's our current president's citizenship yet she'll accept the birth certificate prepared by what appears to be made from articles found at the Pottery Barn and a Hallmark store? And she want's a guy who has hair that looks worse than Kate Gosselin's backwards flying stork for President. What the hell is she drinking?

  • lochnessmonster

    Why do ppl with iPhones and iPads leave the message on that they are sending the tweet or message from their iPad or iPhone? I figured out how to change mine in about 2 mins. And I'm hardly tech savvy–just ask my kids. Or do they think they have the only one so they are trying to impress??? Don't get it.

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    Plus you'd have to wonder what kind of telepathy torture they'd use to determine true allegiance. Then there's the DNA testing to verify true parents.

    As a bit of trivia, Gerald Ford was born "Leslie Lynch King, Jr", then wisely changed his name after his mother remarried. Pretty sure "Lynch King Jr" would have hurt with the African-American vote. Though first name "Leslie" might have locked up the coveted Leslie Nielson fans.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Well it's really not a question anymore is it? I mean surely enough time has gone by that he has had every opportunity to provide sufficient documentation and since he has not, it is safe to conclude what we have seen so far is fraudulent? So where is the "question?" Assuming the birfers are right and he doesn't have the documentation they seek, that's a thing he really can't prove isn't it? How do you prove that you DON'T have a birf certificate? What they really mean is that the President wasn't born in the country and is lying. Unfortunately for them his mom's US citizenship means he's a citizen nevertheless, and until they prove he was born out of the country, there's really no evidence that he's naturalized as opposed to born on US soil.

    So they should still just shut the fuck up, but at least they should be honest and stop suggesting there's somehow some open question at play. There isn't.

  • Beowoof

    Oh yeah well Donald will take away your social security money and give it to his Wall Street buddies, after all they are so adept at handling other peoples cash.

  • comrad_darkness

    Remember, Palin was handpicked to be VP to a guy who was born outside the U.S. and even (modern recreated birf certs with non-existent hospitals aside) outside the Panama Canal Zone. Apparently even The Grifter can be consistent where she stands on this.

  • owhatever

    I thought he already owned America.

  • DahBoner

    Perfection!

    10 out of 10 on The Wingnut Scale…

  • DahBoner

    Does anyone know what country John McCain was born in?

    • Warpde

      There's not a country that would admit it.
      No Country for Old Man.

  • PuckStopsHere

    Wonder no more. It was a gift.

  • Negropolis

    MinuteMom, eh? She must be a hit with the perpetually desperate suburban soccer dads.

  • Negropolis

    FTW First Runner Up

  • lulzmonger

    Trump's hair is irrelevant – he can wear an elephant-scrotum on his head for all I care. If I was a Yankee I'd be a bit more concerned with that little "I BANKRUPT EVERY FUCKING THING I TOUCH, UP TO & INCLUDING A FUCKING CASINO" issue Teh Donald seems to have. Pandering to mouth-breathers like MiniMom is just a symptom of Trump's chronic case of Venal Assclown Disease.