Defense Secretary Robert Gates has been a little, uh, unenthusiastic (to put it in non-treasonous terms) about President Obama’s new war venture in North Africa, as we noted yesterday. How often does the civilian leader of our nation’s military get to say a war is “not a vital national interest to the United States” before he either gets the sack or declares himself “president-general for life of America 2″? Not very long. Granted, Gates was pretty much on his way out anyway. But replacing him will be tricky, because Republicans probably won’t approve any appointment who’s not a Republican or they’re on the record previously allowing to be appointed to a job like this. So, Leon Panetta it is! And then we can start up Gates’ war tribunal. Sorry, Gates’ “small-scope international-community humanitarian action” tribunal.
Panetta also successfully battled Obama’s first director of National Intelligence Dennis Blair, the former official noted, to protect “traditional Agency funding and authorities,” including on the decision of who–CIA director or DNI–gets to pick the top U.S. intelligence official posted in countries around the world. “Panetta is one of the smartest people in Washington,” the former official continued. “He will be able to work with them and work them.”
Oh good, a guy who can make the CIA more powerful and block its oversight will now bring the same talents to the military. That’s always good for a country. Well, it worked out well in Egypt, at least.
Indeed, the main drawback to nominating Panetta for the job, according to this source, is it opens up the can of worms of who should replace him as CIA director.
On that question, the rumors are hazier. One name that’s been suggested is former Sen. Chuck Hagel (R-Neb.), currently the chairman of Obama’s President Intelligence Advisory Board, who, said the former senior official, “knows Obama quite well.” As a moderate Republican, Hagel may also “help with bipartisanship,” the former official said.
Look, just have the Republicans pick a guy and Obama will appoint him. He has re-election to think about these days. Who cares what the CIA does? Have those guys ever abused their power?
Anyway, we are glad Robert Gates will be gone. Because it’s hard not to accidentally call him “Robert Gibbs,” and vice versa. Why are all white people named “Robert,” and why do they all look the same? Also, this guy hates children. [Yahoo News]
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If all we want is an effective bureaucratic infighter, couldn't we re-animate Les Aspin? That worked out great.
And anybody who ignores the proto-militaristic homophobic Boy Scouts is okay with me.
Or how about admitted "womanizer" and undeniable sex-bomb former TX Sen John Tower? Maybe everybody's forgotten whatever it was he did that made them so mad a long time ago.
Or Sam Nunn? He could move some more military installations to GA, if that's possible.
Heavens, John Tower is "still" alive?
Wasn't there a Navy Station in Newt's land-locked congressional district?
Rummy's looking for work. Why not give the guy a second chance?
Third chance.
Or how about admitted "womanizer" and undeniable sex-bomb former TX Sen John Tower? Maybe everybody's forgotten whatever it was he did that made them so mad a long time ago.
Or Sam Nunn? He could move some more military installations to GA, if that's possible.
Didn't he die in a fiery plane crash?
I moved the comment up under my original one to glean more p. But yes, he is dead, taken out by ValuJet/ASA. As a woman, did you not find him irresistible? If so, please explain.
Completely repulsive, and that's just his politics.
You go to war with the Sec of Def you have, not the Sec of Def you want.
Let's go with Larry Craig at CIA…he's used to sneaking around and he knows how to do the wide-stance, tap dance code.
I'm a little worried about him blowing his cover.
You know who else had to name a Republican to be his SECDEF?
Bullwinkle T. Moose?
Darth Vader?
Merkin Muffley?
Richard Simmons?
Knute Rockne?
Elizabeth Taylor?
Rock Hudson did enjoy "In the Navy".
Miles Davis.
Dwight D. Eisenhower?
Every Republican President ever?
"Panetta is one of the smartest people in Washington."
Which means he might be one of the dumbest people in America.
Talk about damning with faint praise, huh?
You mean D.C. is Bizarro America? Interesting.
How about Sarah Palin? Nobody's more defensive than she is.
That's Offensive.
A T Offense.
On a more positive note, look at that cute Netflix family over there….
They must be streaming "The Good Shepard".
Now they are gone and an oversized woman is there. Did she eat them?
That's OK, I can always check my credit score.
I get an ad for cruises. Apparently the interwebs believe me to have enough money to travel to the cruise terminal.
I got the "Transformers: Revenge Of The Boobies" gal. And if I get to rate Levi's panty butts again, this will be a banner day!
"As a moderate Republican, Hagel may also “help with bipartisanship,” the former official said."
The "former official" thinks that a moderate Republican will be able to talk with the hard line GOP'ers better than a Democrat can? Is the "former official" smoking some of Willie's stash?
John Ensign is pining for a future. He'd be very good at this, 'cause he really knows how to fuck people over. This would just be taking an already well developed skill and enhancing it to include countries, their first ladies, and citizens. Let's just get behind John and give him a nice reach around to show our support.
Plus, it would be amusing to see the Navy make sense of having an Ensign in charge.
WTF? Since when does the Defense Secretary not like war? Where is Rummy in all of this. That dude couldn't get enough war. If Rummy was still in there we'd be at war with Iran, Egypt, Libya, Tunisia, Algeria, North Korea, Spain, Canada, Bhutan, The Neptune People, Mothra, several South-Western states, Antarctica…
Kind of like now. War and UnWar.
It was the best of times. It was the unbest of times.
Eurasia. We have always been at war with Eurasia.
Lets think outside the box and bring back Kissinger. He always wanted a new war to play with and now we can offer him three.
He will get along with Obama since both have a Nobel Peace Prize.
For Secretary of War, why not Arnold Schwarzenegger? he has some time these days.
Or Jesse Ventura. He has experience in fights that are not real fights. So he should be okay with war that is not war.
Isn't it time to finish out the list of Predator cast members turned politicians, and give Carl Weathers the job?
How about Gadaffy? He's a colonel so he's got the experience.
Genius! That's how Obama will get him out of Libya. Why didn't we think of this sooner?
Plus, I'm sure he has no compunction about murder and torture, so he's a good fit.
Indeed, the main drawback to nominating Panetta for the job, according to this source, is it opens up the can of worms of who should replace him as CIA director.
Yeah, and the biggest drawback to shooting yourself in the head is deciding what to use the giant hole in your skull for. Herb garden? Walk-in closet? Decisions, decisions…
That's a remarkable observation, which I would like to
stealborrow for future use.Gates is still negotiating his compensation package with Facebook.
I can't keep track of all this war stuff. Is this good news for John McCain?
Yes. And for Republicans in general.
I'd appoint Michelle Bachmann. She knows a lot about geography and history; soon we'd have so many wars, all of them for Jesus!
She sent a brigade of troops to protect Lexington, New Hampshire, and they were never heard from again.
Plus she has no military experience. That's always a plus when going to war.
Au contraire – isn't she some kind of soldier for jeezus?
Nominate a Republican because no Democrat can get through? Oh come on. Every high school girl knows the trick to this: make your first few choices so outrageous (hoochie mama style) that your mom and dad give in and let you wear something racier than they would have had you started with your chosen outfit first.
In this case, Obama should start with Madeline "What's the point of this big army if you don't use it?" Albright, then try one of the gay soliders who was kicked out under DADT, and then the Reeps will be so freaked that John Kerry will sail through…
Val, Cehney's Gal Pal Plame, might do it if ya asked her real purty like.
Anyone who thinks a former Republican can "help with bipartisanship" is a moron, because nobody can help with bipartisanship; the current GOP leaders will never, ever, ever work with Obama, they refuse to go along every single thing he does, trying to be "bipartisan" with these assholes is idiotic.
SECDEF? This is a job for Lou Sarah!
I've got it! Hosni Mubarak would be ideal for SECDEF. Hell, he wouldn't even need to awaken from his coma.
I read that as Obama's New War Robot, Gates and was impressed by the poetry of it.
That would just be a suped-up XBOX.
Droopy Dawg for SECDEF. Walnuts can be his Deputy and Miss Lindsey can be their Best Boy.
Missy could be craft services or their "grip".
Are you doing a screenplay for some kind of senior, gay porn?
Fluffer.
I'd suggest Bradley Manning for SecDef. He already knows all the secrets and could probably teach the Pentagon and the Puzzle Palace a thing or two about computers. Besides, they might then give him some clothes.
Oh HELL YES. Plus, he's gay gay gay gay GAY!
OTOH, Naked Bradley Manning would certainly liven up those Senate hearings.
The not-leaking-information part I can buy.
That's when a certain former Minnesota governor brings out "Ol' Painless"
Gary Hart can do it. And no monkey business this time.
Get with the program Gates. These countries won’t bomb themselves.
Yes they will, and with gusto.
How about Chuck Norris, he's a Repubtard if there ever was one and the Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris every night before going to bed – perfect candidate for Secretary of Defense – Chuck Norris' beard is barbed wire soaked in ox blood and held together by the souls of mortals.
Bipartisanship now means the Democrats are allowed to politely ask for lube before the GOP buttfucks them until they bleed.
Dick Cheney's available.
Seeing this country's love affair with retarded reality shows, how about we make it a contest, instead of those boring confirmation hearings? we could call it SECDEF Comedy Jam, or something, with the winner (or loser, maybe?) getting the gig. The Donald can be MC–it would be epic!
America's Next Top SECDEF.
How 'bout the Trump? WIth all those questions about where he was born, he's done for a presidental campaign, but this is a great consulation prize and will bring the birfers into the fold!
New keyboard needed: "consolation," "presidential"–but I stand by birfers
Dennis Kucinich. He should go to his confirmation hearing and announce he's slashing his own budget by $450 billion and hopes the money will be used for cheap solar-powered computers made from recycled material for our nation's poor children. Not that he'll get approved, but I look forward to all of FOX's pundits being hoarse after two weeks of solid blithering.
Robert Gates, one of the architects of Iran Contra, and, until recently, a cheerleader of our involvement in afghanistan and iraq, is saying he doesn't think something is in our national interests? Something tells me his dislike has less to do with being involved in Libya than in the paltry amount (in comparison to our other two wars) that we plan to spend blowing stuff up there.
No, elves are best suited towards wizard, rogue, ranger, or multiclass builds; they only make OK basic fighters. Humans and dwarves make the best fighters of the standard races.
/Gary Gygax
I thought they were skilled with a bow and arrow? My only nerd knowledge comes from the LOTR movies. Also, they have sexy ears. Which would disqualify Dennis.
Bernie Sanders!
No sane Senators, please.
Plus Bo won't ask and Bo won't tell. Unless he's tempted by peanut butter, then all bets are off.
Can't we just be honest and go back to "War Department?"
Charlie Sheen. He can call the job "2 1/2 Wars".
Newt for SOD (in every sense of the acronym).
Lieberman would be an excellent choice since Gates has been dragging his feet on Syria, Algeria, Somalia, Iran . . .
Seriously, Wesley Clark would be excellent.
Silly Party Selection: R. Lee Ermey. The Press Conferences would be a hoot, if nothing else.
Yeah, I mean he did say he was sorry about that "up yers, n*****" he tossed at Obama during the Toys for Tots party.
Better, they can be trained to leak where strategically convenient.
John McCain would make a good Secretary of Depends. …Oh, that! Never mind.
Ron Paul.
For the laffs.
There hasn't been a Democrat as Sec. of Defense in 14 years.
Even during the 2000 election when the Republicans were trying to make military readiness a campaign issue, there was a Republican Sec. of Defense.
Or, in fact, both.
The big incentive for the "no-flies-zone" was that Daffy was bombing the shit out of the insurgents.
You’re probably too young and beautiful to remember this, but when GHWB wanted this that this shriveled pin-stripe-clad homunculus to be is SecDef, there arose a hue and cry to the effect that Tower was a hard-drinking “womanizer.” So great was his yearning to control the mighty stream of pork that is the DoD that he then actually went on a Sunday news show and took the no-booze pledge.In retrospect he probably was what we would now call a shamelessly aggressive workplace sexual harasser, à la Bob Packwood.Repugnant in any case.
Not too Y&B, but wasn't living here at the time I don't think, but how could he be a womanizer? I bet he was just a foul groper.
Ah, but the hue and cry was from the inside-the-Beltway media. Therefore, you are both correct, allowing for definition skew.
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