not-yet-true headlines

California Gov. Jerry Brown’s ‘First Dog’ Euthanized Due To Budget Cuts


Here’s a stupid Los Angeles Times video of Governor Jerry Brown’s legless tribble-sausage dog running around the state capitol while most dogs in California are being “put to sleep” (along with education and infrastructure and state parks) because corporations won’t pay their fair share of taxes in California. Yayyy, animal videos!

Seriously, that is why California is “broke,” because the gazillion-dollar corporations that call California home simply do not pay any state income tax. From CALPIRG:

Corporate tax avoidance is a rampant problem

• In California 78 percent of corporations paid no more than the $800 minimum franchise tax in 2001. Worse, over half of profitable corporations paid no more than $800 minimum, including 46 corporations with over $1 billion in 2001 receipts.

• A study by the Multistate Tax Commission, a joint agency of state governments, estimates that by 2001 the growth of corporate tax sheltering accounted for $12.4 billion in lost annual revenue beyond what occurred during the 1980s. According to mid-range estimates, California corporate tax revenue was 19 percent lower than it should have been.

• The federal Government Accountability Office estimates that underreported corporate income taxes and employment taxes cost the federal government $84 billion in 2001. The GAO also reports that 33 percent of large U.S. corporations reported no tax liability in 1995, a percentage that rose to 45 percent by 2000.

• A study of 252 Fortune 500 companies between 2001 and 2003 found that they paid state taxes at only a third of the statutory rates and 71 of them paid no state taxes at all during at least one of these years.

But don’t worry, the Wall Street Journal had a story today about how California’s real tax problem is that rich people get taxed too much. And no, we aren’t linking to it. [LAT/CALPIRG]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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  • nounverb911

    Yes, but did Meg Whitman contribute to Social Security for her illegal housekeepers?

  • PublicLuxury

    Is Sheriff Joe Arpiao involved in this euthanasia?

    • Redhead

      Only the brown dogs.

  • arihaya

    Vote for GOP ,,, We are the Pro-Life party *

    * not applicable to the poors, dogs, women and Muslins

    • SorosBot

      Or babies once they're actually born.

      • Redhead

        As long as it's a fetus, there's still a chance it could be born a white male. You don't really know. But once it's born, then they know for sure – and if it's a baby girl or not-white, well, you just KNOW that those babies didn't work hard for any kind of government assistance and aren't pulling their own weight.

        • SorosBot

          Hell, in Nebraska they've already managed to kill at least five brown babies by denying prenatal care to pregnant Mexican "illegals".
          http://wonkroom.thinkprogress.org/2011/03/25/nebr

          • Redhead

            That would be a felony worthy of the death penalty in Georgia… or is it only a felony if you're a legal citizen?

      • OneDollarJuana

        Unless they're rich.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      In that order.

  • MistaEko

    Hurry, Ein! Run away with Ed before the tragic ending!

    • 教授 Zoom

      Bang

      (EDIT: Thank you very much, Wonkette…Now I have a mental image of Spike Seigel limping down the stairs, smiling, and saying his poignant last words: "Finger-Bang.")

  • PublicLuxury

    You do not need an education to walk the Guvenor's dawg.

  • Buzz Feedback

    You could buy a lot of horchata with that lost $12.4 billion.

  • DashboardBuddha

    I <3 dogs. A friend of mine has a Gorgi that hangs out in her coffee shop. Delicious coffee and a "dog fix"…win!

    • OkieDokieDog

      My sister has one too. They take it on trips (motorcoach – ha!) and even built a box for it to sit in on one of their 4-wheelers. That dog has done more traveling than most Americans.
      It's a (pampered) dog's life.

    • jus_wonderin

      We can bring them to work. Our Producer brings his rescue in Mon-Thurs. I can't bring mine in 'cuz they are BAD DOGS. BAD DOGS.

      • gef05

        "We can bring them to work."

        I hate you.

        "they are BAD DOGS. BAD DOGS"

        But even a bad dog is a good dog.

      • emmelemm

        I bring my dog to work too. He haz an old, so he mostly sleeps all day.

        GOOD DOG!

        • BaldarTFlagass

          I have some older co-workers that do the same thing. But it's the federal government, so they'd have to come to work in their jammies and take a nap on the agency director's desk in order for anything to be done about it.

          • emmelemm

            Hee hee hee!

            I should clarify that "he haz an old" doesn't mean ME, as in, he has an old owner who follows him around.

    • finallyhappy

      A Corgi- like the Queen has? What isa Gorgi?

      • DashboardBuddha

        My bad…my finger slipped and landed on the G instead of C.

        • tcaalaw

          Darn, I was thinking it was a golden retriever/corgi mix!

    • ChessieNefercat

      I love my big stupid dog even though he occasionally stands on the cat (mrowk!)

  • horsedreamer_1

    Corporation uber Alles.

    • Radiotherapy

      Now the Suede Denim Secret Police will be under Homeland Security.

  • nounverb911

    "Corporate tax avoidance is a rampant problem"
    Did California give GE a refund too?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      {/snark off}

      There was a story on 60 Minutes last night that made a good case that our (federal) corporate tax rate is to high. Long story short, why incorporate in USA (35% tax rate) when you can incorporate in Ireland or Switzerland (12%)?

      They didn't get into how a corp like GE ends up paying negative taxes, or the fact that personal income taxes are absurdly low in the USA, but still, if you want to know why your job is being shipped overseas, that's one reason.

      • doloras

        Because that 12% corporate tax rate JUST SENT IRELAND BANKRUPT, that's why.

      • EdFlintstone

        Heres a story from Reuters. From 98-2005 57% of all American corporations payed zero in income taxes. I dont know how you go lower than zero. The tax code isn't thousands of pages because Joe Lunchbucket is doing the short form with the standard deduction. I bet you would be extremely hard pressed to find a corporation(as in 1) that pays 35%. On the bullshit meter, the 35% corporate tax rate rivals the number of Saddam's mobile weapons labs.
        http://www.reuters.com/article/2008/08/12/us-usa-

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      If GE owns any buildings it bought before Prop. 13 kicked in back in 1978, it's paying property taxes from that era and the rate is probably about 1/gazzilionth of what the building is worth. So close enough.

  • fuflans

    also: the rent is too damn high.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    When you're that low to the ground walking through the grass must be kind of stimulating if you know what I mean.

    • Barbara_i

      Yeah, it's all fun and games until you have to take the dog to the vet to get the medicine for his weed whacker.

      • SorosBot

        Vet? Medicine? Americans can't afford those anymore.

        • Barbara_i

          The downfister is on the loose. I fluffed you back up.

        • jus_wonderin

          Who down fist posting about sweet canines???? Pigfuckers?

      • jus_wonderin

        I know from this (the low clearance). I have doxie. Short in the front, party in the back. Now I am thinking I should have named her Mullet.

        • 教授 Zoom

          Is that one of those Leftist Ortho Doxies?

  • tiredalways

    Is there anyway we can instead euthanize GE and all corporations alike?

  • OkieDokieDog

    Keep the dog – put a teabagger to sleep. There's bunches of them that want to see Jebus, so it's a win/win.

  • SorosBot

    But all that money the corporations aren't paying in taxes are trickling to the rest of California, right?

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    At what point were the corporations and the rich able to convince the middle class and poor that they were the victims of taxes, and so we must gut all services so that they can add an extra billion to their profits. After all, those Lear Jets don't just fly themselves.

    Makes you wonder why Socialism has become such a bad word. Better than being a Plutocracy.

    • keepem_sikanpor

      Plutocracy built on the backs of the proletariat and enabled by the douchebags (elected officials).

  • Steverino247

    Let's see if Jerry can find a way to ferret out that hidden tax revenue.

    Oh wait! Ferrets are illegal in California!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Now you're a fucking park ranger too, Steverino?

  • WhatTheHeck

    When will the corporations stop lifting up their legs and peeing on the rest of us?

    • Fare la Volpe

      Tricklin' down…

    • hagajim

      Better yet…when will the rest of us wake the fuck up and rip the dick that's pissing on us off!

    • ChessieNefercat

      As long as they have kidneys, never. Time for a little surgery, internet urban legends style, but "for reals", as the kids say.

  • EdFlintstone

    If Leona Helmsley were alive today, she would be the front-runner for the GOP nomination.

    • EdFlintstone

      This must of really bothered our favorite troll to get him to change his name to "Leona Helmsley=Dem" The troll does like hanging out at my page, must be because my avatar is a 4th grade boy. Mark Foley is that you?

  • Fare la Volpe

    The video cut off right before Sutter and the LA Times reporter played red rocket together.

    • DaRooster

      Don't be gay Sutter… don't be gay.

  • Gopherit

    We've solved corporate tax avoidance in Arizona by all but refusing to tax corporations at all. Next, we'll just hand them buckets of money.

    • OC_Surf_Serf

      The Corporations will rent you those buckets.

      • Gopherit

        After we make them and sell them to the corporations at a major loss.

      • Gopherit

        Also, we're going all flat tax here. Fuck the poorz! http://www.azcentral.com/arizonarepublic/opinions

        • JohnyEdge

          Let us know when Az catches up to Texas by abolishing the income tax.

          • genxr

            And make up the difference in property tax!

          • HistoriCat

            Don't forget the high sales tax!

    • DaRooster

      They truly don't need your tiny lil State Monies… they gots the Feds… which of course gets us all.
      Hooray for corporations!

      Dickweeds.

  • baconzgood

    "California tax evasion"

    -Jello Biafra-

  • V572del c:/*.* y/n?

    Good thing nobody's talking about Prop 13, the real source of all budget woes in CA.

    • V572del c:/*.* y/n?

      So sensitive that one post about it gets an immediate downfist!

      • mereoblivion

        Followed by an up from me–and another for this'n too.

    • Jim89048

      Oops, I did, down below…

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    And no, we aren’t linking to it.

    Good idea for all Rupert Murdoch-owned media. That pig needs to be barbecued.
    ~

  • LabRodent

    California Dreaming on income tax day.

  • EdFlintstone

    Corporate tax rates(real ones-what they actually pay) at their lowest levels in decades, corporate profits at an all time high and still no hiring. Its almost like this supply side economics is just a giant bullshit ponzi scheme. No it's exactly like that.

    • Gopherit

      Aw, and I was all ready for the golden showers to trickle down on me! Disappointed.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    If Teddy Roosevelt were alive today, he would have personally given the shake-down to these corporations, barreling into their board rooms on his horse, sword drawn, demanding a check signed in blood by the CEO.

  • Jim89048

    Howard Jarvis and Paul Gann sure pulled a fast one on CA, way back when. Had everyone fearing their sainted grandmothers would be taxed out of their homes if Prop 13 didn't pass, while slipping corporate person's ownership of property into the same 2% per anum capped tax rate increases, until the property sells, but corporate persons, unlike the rest of us, never die, so the taxable value never goes up past what it was assessed at in 1975, and now they don't even want to spend the lousy $800 a year minimum, and threaten to move the corporate offices to Texas of Ireland, whichever gives them the best blowjobs, I guess?

    • V572del c:/*.* y/n?

      Who'd have guessed that, given the opportunity, people would vote that their taxes should never go up? This is democracy demagoguery at its finest.

      There was maybe a worthy intent in not driving poor grannies out of their houses by constantly raising their property taxes. Means testing would've been a good idea….

  • straighteight

    I mentioned this under my old username (before IntenseDebates), but I have 8 dogs (Chihuahua mixes) I rescued from death row in California in the last year. We're at full capacity because we're just two people living in a single-family house in the middle of Seattle and the legal limit of pets per household here is five. Very sad situation there. We're still transporting dogs by the vanload to B.C. It's really heartbreaking. There hasn't been a dog I've met that hasn't been a fantastic canine citizen.

    • 教授 Zoom

      Funny, I just read something in The Onion on this topic. It's funny 'cause it's tragic!

    • DaRooster

      Kudos to you…

      "Spay and Neuter your pets."
      -Bob Barker

      • straighteight

        One of ours is at least ten and has had countless litters. Can't even spay her because of her age and health. But we also have a male who is at least 11 and was never neutered, so we gambled and decided to have him fixed because they can still get it on at their ages. It was hard on him but the doctor gave us a ton of painkillers for him.

        Seriously, spay and neuter your goddamn dogs.

        • DaRooster

          A ton of painkillers? Better keep that quiet… Rush will be getting neutered. Oh wait… maybe there will be some wonderfully horrific accident.

    • V572del c:/*.* y/n?

      Good for you. Upfist for you. The poochies can't help themselves. HSUS.

    • http://wonkette.com Ken Layne

      All the shelters in Southern California are just crushed by the amount of abandoned pets during this Great Recession.

      • straighteight

        So many victims.

        Lots of the dogs come in as "strays." Because it actually costs money to surrender an animal to a shelter, people just dump them outside the facility and they are brought inside by the staff. I just go on the assumption that the owner can't afford the surrender fee.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

      I get all rejects from the humane society. They are with me for life. Carry on Mr Eight.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Are these the dogs of war that we are supposed to let loose on those "prim evil savages" in Afghanistan? I don't think they will do the trick.

    • 教授 Zoom

      Havoc!

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Mmmm, looks like just the right size.

    • Jim89048

      I think it's a typo–should be dongs of war.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Wonkettz why can't you let sleeping dogs lie?

  • 教授 Zoom

    Stands to reason that the gobernador of California would have a lowrider dog.

  • OneDollarJuana

    Whaddya mean? It's what he lives for.

  • PartyMarty

    It's "CALPIRG", not "CALPRIG".

    • http://wonkette.com Ken Layne

      CalPig? That sounds racist.

  • bokononista

    So to be a "strategist" for Jerry Brown means you take his dog outside for it to take a shit. Guess it's easier to wash the dog-logs off your hands than have to gargle after a meeting with lobbyists and the governor.

    • V572del c:/*.* y/n?

      At least this person is doing something more useful than all those "Democratic stragegists" and "Republican strategists" bloviating on the teevee and/or auditioning for jobs with pols.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Is this one of the dogs of war that didn't get loose?

  • Extemporanus

    Outside of a dog, a corporation is a man's best friend.

    Inside of a dog, it's too hard to tax.

  • qwerty42

    Ken, Ken, Ken (sigh)
    At least they are not lowering the taxes the wealthy pay by increasing the taxes everyone else pays. That is going on in Arizona.

    • hagajim

      Well hell it's Arizona…what do you expect. Next thing you know these dumbasses will have a State holiday for Loughner and McVeigh.

    • ChessieNefercat

      And Michigan (Taxes on pensions! And tax cuts for corporations! Share the sacrifice!).

  • LiveToServeYa

    Tribble-dogs are OK as long as you keep them out of the quadro-triticale.

    • 教授 Zoom

      Most curious creature, Captain. Its trilling seems to have a tranquilizing effect on the human nervous system. [begins to pet it gently] Fortunately, of course, I am immune to its effect.

    • ChessieNefercat

      "Spock, do you know who put the tribbles in the quadrotriticale?"

      "No, but if you hum a few bars…"

      (Outtake, I believe.)

  • ShiftyParadigm

    He tried that same "walk around the capitol and shake hands" thing with Linda Rondstadt, but she drew the line at belly rubs.

  • LocalGirlMakesGoo

    Governor Jerry Brown, 3/21/11: "If you're not going to vote to extend taxes, you're not going to vote to cut, you're not going to vote to do anything to redevelopment, so, what the hell are you going to do? By the way, if you're not going to do anything, why do you take a pay check?"

  • Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum

    Huckabee's son has volunteered to take the dog off Jerry's hands.

    • Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum

      And Mittens has volunteered to make the delivery.

    • Thurman Munster IV

      What? To fucking eat it? Those Huckafucks will eat anything

    • ChessieNefercat

      Oh, poor doggy, don't do it, Jerry!

  • hagajim

    Maybe – just maybe – one of these days we'll all wake up and see that the Plutocrats have been hitting us with the big Cleveland Steamer for the past thirty years, rise up and mushroom stamp the fucks across the face until balance is regained…then we can wash, rinse and repeat because we never learn a damn thing from history.

    • ChessieNefercat

      What's a mushroom stamp or should I look it up on Urban Dictionary? (I did that with Cleveland Steamer (my home town!) and said yikes and slammed the book shut.)

      Never mind.

  • jus_wonderin

    "Aye, sir. Before they went into warp, I transported the whole kit'n kaboodle into their engine room, where they'll be nay tribble at all."

  • fuflans

    god mara liasson is a pain in the ass.

    sorry, just had to say that.

    • V572del c:/*.* y/n?

      Glad I'm not the only one who thinks so.

    • metamarcisf

      Where I come from, Mara Liasson is known as a two-bagger….

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Just waiting for him to realize his mistake and undo 13. I am paying 17x the property taxes of my next door neighbour. Love it here in Califortuneia

    • V572del c:/*.* y/n?

      You can have my tax break when you pry it out of my cold, dead hands!

      But realistically, even Ahrnohld, during his brief honeymoon, got shouted down when he listened to sensible advice from his good buddy Warren Buffet and proposed fixing it.

  • metamarcisf

    OT, but I just saw the copy of Donald Trump's alleged birth certificate on Newsmax. According to this document, he was born in Jamaica Hospital. You know who else was born in Jamaica?

    • GuanoFaucet

      Desmond Dekker?

    • Come here a minute

      Bob Marley?

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      The Osmonds?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Ian Fleming?

    • ChessieNefercat

      Most Jamaicans?

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Jamaica Queens? Is the Donald a queen, with that sad over-engineered comb-over?

    • Jim89048

      I want to see the birth certificate for that thing living on his head.

    • DaRooster

      Blue Mountain Coffee?

  • jus_wonderin

    The are so sweet at home, but get them in public and they are lil demons. I think it might be a protection thing. And I think the breeds are extra loyal (read: insanely so).

    • gef05

      Many moons ago we were out walking the first of our (senior) rescues when we witnessed a single vehicle crash. While waiting for the ambulance to show up I stood there with our little princess sitting by my side. People, lights, vehicles, noise, and she never moved.

      As the driver was taken away my wife and I finished up with the cops and were moving away when a woman came up to us and said, "All this time your little dog has sat perfectly! What a beautifully behaved dog."

      We thanked her and walked off, without mentioning that our little princess was deaf and blind.

      • jus_wonderin

        Ahhhh. Poor baby. Sweet story. Thanks.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Gah, I should incorporate! Here I've been paying state taxes as an individual like a chump!

  • KommunistKitty

    This bitch is California's Marie Antoinette.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    As we near the end of a somewhat snarkadaisical Monday, have any Wonketteers ever rented a car and when dashing back to catch yer flight, pulling into the gas station with no time to spare, you find that you have no clue as to on which side of the car you'll find the gas cap? Well if you've been there, the Boingers are here with help.

    • ChessieNefercat

      Why, thank you! Twenty years from now, I will probably own a car with that useful bit of information (based on the 20 year old pile of rust I'm driving now).

      I love little bits of useful information like that and can hardly wait to spread it around. :)

    • ChessieNefercat

      Oh, and snarkadaisical? Awesome.

    • comrad_darkness

      Wait, no one noticed that icon was there all these years? You are fucking shitting me.

  • smokefilledroommate

    Semi-cute doggie = tax evasion. What is this world coming to?!

  • ChessieNefercat

    Let's try electric shock collars instead (cranked up to "the chair"). To hell with positive reinforcement.

  • MiniMencken

    Pembroke Corgis. Godless eating machines! Can clear a coffee table of paté, Carr's water biscuits and assorted artisanal cheeses faster than you can say "Let's take our cocktails and step out onto the veranda to admire the sunset over the Channel Islands." I speak from bitter, bitter experience.

    • ChessieNefercat

      Yes, I feel your pain. I just came home and found that my big stupid dog ate half a bag of cat food, the bastard, and now has cat food farts and I am out half a bag of cat food.

  • Negropolis

    Come on, Ken. This is really reaching, even by your standards. It's like your trying to turn people away from here, lately. This is like the bullshit disconnected logic parents use when they tell their children to finish the food on their plate, because there are starving children in Africa. Yeah, like that food on your plate was going to reach them, anyway, and even if it did, they wouldn't have the money to pay for it.