sore bomberman

Joe Lieberman Already Planning To Invade Syria


Oh, look what you did. You gave Joe Lieberman precedent to invade pretty much any country on the planet under an authoritarian regime. He says it’s “consistent” to invade all these places. Well, he’s not wrong! Lieberman’s days may numbered, and he probably should be ignored by everybody at this point, but somehow we get the feeling he’s about to pull another war out of his jowls of defeat.

But before that happens, can we please send this arrogant warmonger to Libya to try his hand at killing Gaddafi? That should be the rule every time he wants to add another war onto what we’re already waging in the world. He’s a good military decision-maker, right? He seems to think so. We’re sure he’d last a very long time on the battlefield. [Hot Air]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • nounverb911

    Just as long as Lieberman's kids are in the first wave.

  • Gorillionaire

    Just not on Saturdays.

    • nounverb911

      Miss Lindsey can cover for Lieberman on Saturdays.

    • horsedreamer_1

      "I don't turn on the stove, I don't pick up the phone — & I sure as shit don't fucking launch airstrikes against a bunch of ragheads! Shomer fuckin' Shabbos!"

  • Blendergoathead

    I thought Puerto Rico was our 51st state. Have we invaded them lately?

    • Fare la Volpe

      Not nearly enough.

    • horsedreamer_1

      No, no, no — they've invaded us. Been to the Bronx, lately?

    • blueplano

      They're not muslim.

  • baconzgood

    "NEEDS MOAR WAR"

    -Joe Lieberman-

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Newest political party: Killing Syrians for Joe Lieberman

    • nounverb911

      I thought NBC canceled "Crossing Jordan"?

    • Fare la Volpe

      It's got Joooooementum!

  • GregComlish

    Are there any Muslim countries Lieberman doesn't want to bomb?

    • nounverb911

      Saudi Arabia?

    • horsedreamer_1

      India?

      • tiredalways

        Funny but don't ever tell a Hindu from India that India is Muslim country or you would be Jihaded before you know it :)

        • Ms Kami Quasimodo

          I know what you're trying to say, but "jihad" is a Muslim concept, not Hindu.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Michigan?

      • V572del c:/*.* y/n?

        Well, maybe just Dearborn….

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        I was going to say Detroit, but, lets face it, Lieberman probably wants to bomb it also.

    • chascates

      Indonesia?

    • hagajim

      Better question…are there any countries that Lieberman doesn't want to bomb….not counting Israel of course.

  • memzilla

    If we want to declare war on an authoritarian regime that oppresses its citizens and ignores the rule of law… let's start with Wisconsin.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      How much longer can we allow Rick Perry to carry out his reign of terror in Texas?

      • blueplano

        Until all Texans get brain transplants.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Lieberman’s initial statement, showing a change:

    "It is consistent for the U.S. to attack all Arabian authoritarian governments…"

  • Buzz Feedback

    Next on the target list: Dearborn, Michigan

    • horsedreamer_1

      & that harlot fifth columnist, Rima Fakih.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    but yesterday it was Lebanon and tomorrow it will be Jordan…

    • jus_wonderin

      All of them, Katie.

  • Troubledog

    We only bailout countries if they're too Muslim to fail.

  • Gopherit

    You have to hand it to him. He's showing restraint both in not suggesting Iran first and also in not calling Syria North Israel.

  • tiredalways

    This is definitely good news for John McCain

  • SorosBot

    War, huh, good god yall, what is good for? Absolutely everything, according to Joe and his best buddy John.

    • jus_wonderin

      Doesn't WAR create jobs? I mean we got three of 'em going now. And isn't the Unemployment rate at like 2 percent or something?

  • Radiotherapy

    Can't we just tuck these problems away in a closet?

    • Callyson

      The closets of America are too crowded with Republican politicians and their rent boys.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Tucked in the closet like a reporter at a Joe Biden fundraiser?

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Can we bring back George "Dubya" Bush to give Lieberman a ten minute definition of the word "sovereign," where the only word he gets to use in the definition is the word he's trying to define? That would help me take my mind off a lot of this bullshit.

  • tiredalways

    Remember who else likes to invade countries?

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      Bush? McDonalds? Hitler?

    • Jim89048

      Obama?

    • horsedreamer_1

      Alexander of Macedon?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Or Cleopatra?

      • Steverino247

        That's Mr. "the Great" to you buddy!

    • SorosBot

      Magneto?

    • Come here a minute

      Sixties British pop bands?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Howard Schultz, CEO of Starbucks?

    • http://wonkette.com Zvi_Bleindmeis

      The Beatles?

    • chascates

      The International Monetary Fund?

      • V572del c:/*.* y/n?

        Nice!

    • Winnie_Cooper

      Starbucks? (Just basing this on recent trips abroad.)

    • RedneckMuslin

      Killer Beez?

      • horsedreamer_1

        Wu-Tang! Wu-Tang!

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      The Mongol Horde?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      American Oil Companies? American Chemical Companies? Nike?

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    If only the Republicans had run a credible candidate in Ct. in 2006…

    If only!
    ~

    • tiredalways

      You said 'Credible' & 'Republican' in one sentence..tee hee..

  • PublicLuxury

    The only way I am going to agree with the LIEberman, is if his BFF John McCain comes back as a fighter pilot.

    • chicken_thief

      He couldn't keep a plane in the air 40 yrs ago, what makes you think he's any better now?

      • PublicLuxury

        That is my point. One less

        • Lascauxcaveman

          But give him one that the flight tech has done an "oopsie" on the ejector seat.

    • Veritas78

      I don't think we have enough aircraft for that. For Chrissake's, there's a war on! Or three.

  • fuflans

    i'm not watching that.

  • Oblios_Cap

    It's pretty obvious that Sun Tzu stole most of Droopy Dog's ideas and claimed them for his own.

  • chicken_thief

    Can't bomb Syria – there's no Beach Boys song to hawk it.

    • anniegetyerfun

      I'm sure Toby Keith can come up with something.

      Y'all done protested good
      But the guvmint blasted your 'hood
      And I think that war is great
      Because I love promotin' hate
      So…
      We're gonna bomb Syrian asses
      Turn their streets to molasses
      Because al-Assad fired on your masses
      We saw it in photographses
      The USofA don't want to intervene
      But you know how we like waggling our peen
      So we'll bomb your asses tonight… for freedoms!

    • CthuNHu

      Just say the word, ohhhhh. Sy-sy-syria … nope, doesn't cut it.

      Sorry, Phil, you make lousy music to invade by.

  • DaRooster

    "He’s a good military decision-maker, right?"

    Can one simultaneously invade AND retreat?

  • arihaya

    naaah that was just big talk, no way we gonna bomb Syria

    Syria has no Oil

  • edgydrifter

    To be fair, if my head looked like John Kruk's steroid-atrophied scrotum, I'd probably lash out at the entire world, too.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      win

    • CthuNHu

      Yeah, I guess we could toss GI'd-love-to-invade Joe into the "Little Nuts" category.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    to hear Republicans correctly, they all say we have fifty-seven states, thanks to Obama's errancy.

  • Come here a minute

    The only reason Gates has stayed on is he is afraid Lieberman might be appointed in his place.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Hey now, some cocksuckers are really cool, and brave, and smart, and provide a valuable service to the community.

    Lieberman's more like that College Humor girl who thinks blowjobs involve sandpaper and teeth.

  • prommie

    Hey, any hot chicks in here? I'm sick of all you nerds, where the bodacious babes at?

    • V572del c:/*.* y/n?

      Too many dicks on the dance floor, clearly.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

      There may be only a few, but they make up for their scarcity with their unquestioning willingness and impressive capacity.

  • prommie

    Joe appears to have come up with a "final solution" to the arab problem. Has he been to Wannsee lately?

    • karen

      Who gets to play Lieberman in the movie? Conspiracy: 2011, a BBC film.

  • ThankYouJeebus

    Thanks again, Connecticut!!

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Connecticut, the South Carolina of New England.

  • DahBoner

    Would'nt be surprised if there was Syrian insurance company money up Lieberman's butt…

    #LIEBERMAN WAS AL GORE'S WATERLOO–RustyCamper

  • V572del c:/*.* y/n?

    You think we could've elected a worse president than Chimpy in 2004? Just sayin: it coulda been this guy.

    And what's the deal with this "Arab street" shit–is there an Israeli "street"?

  • Extemporanus

    Just shut the fuck up already, you rubber faced, fist-filled, Gigglesnort Hotel evictee, you.

  • http://eldonaldo.com el_donaldo

    Hot Air? I remember when there was a link ban on Politico. That seems so innocent now.

  • mourningnmerica

    I am trying to work up some Joementum for another invasion, but I'm struggling. Maybe I'll invite Bill Kristol over for drinks tonight.

  • DownFist Troll

    I imagine it'll be something along the lines of : "YEEEEE-HAAAAAWWWW"

  • BarackMyWorld

    Ladies and gentleman, your 2000 Democratic Party VP nominee.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I refuse to take anything Lieberman or other war hawks say seriously until they come out in favor of boots on the ground to promote regime change in Italy.

    Plus it has the benefit of being a war that we know we can win, because we won it just 70 years ago.

    • chicken_thief

      And the weather, women, food and wine, not necessarily in that order, are much better in Italy.

  • Gleem_McShineys

    He's gonna need to see his physician, his warrection is lasting far beyond four hours.

  • Tundra Grifter

    "…he’s about to pull another war out of his jowls of defeat."

    That's some very funny stuff, Jack! Very funny, indeed!

  • SkinnyNerd

    Anybody else get the feeling that we'll be warring from Casablanca to Jakarta by year's end?

  • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

    The countries Joe Lieberman is most in favor of invading: Syria, Lebanon, Jordan, the West Bank, Egypt and Gaza.

  • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

    If by "wave" you mean being brushed lightly by a warm water jet in a hot tub somewhere watching FOX when the shit goes down, then this will certainly happen.

  • zappadoo76

    God gave Abraham and his descendents all the land from the Euphrates to the Nile. It's right there in the Good Book (Genesis 15:18). That land, aka Eretz Ysrael, includes Syria. The US is the ally of the children of Abraham. Therefore the US needs to do God's Work and take over Syria and give it to Joe Lieberman and the other children of Abraham, but not to Ishmael and his children, the A-rabs, cuz Ishmael was a bastard, who was born to Abraham's whore housemaid, Hagar, so he doesn't count. Now you understand the theology of all this, so stop whining.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Ooooh. Logic.

    • zhubajie

      Sounds like something a Texas representative might say on the floor of the House.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    In the same way that spectacular losses at the ballot box hasn't seemed to dampen lucrative opportunities in pushing a conservative agenda for Joe Miller, Christine O'Donnell and Sharon Angle, I don't see Joe Lieberman's "retirement" being preferable to suffering his crazy-Juggernaut in the private sector.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    Actually, Obama is planning to invade Syria, but not before Lieberman leaves the Senate and becomes the new US Ambassador in Teheran.

  • blueplano

    I'm impressed.

  • zhubajie

    Syria is rich in olive oil!

  • RIGHTYOURSELF

    Joe Lieberman is the worst thing to ever happen to the Jews.

  • ttommyunger

    The Liebercunt has his face in Netenyahu's lap so much he's learned to breath through his ears.