Joe Lieberman Already Planning To Invade Syria

  sore bomberman


Oh, look what you did. You gave Joe Lieberman precedent to invade pretty much any country on the planet under an authoritarian regime. He says it’s “consistent” to invade all these places. Well, he’s not wrong! Lieberman’s days may numbered, and he probably should be ignored by everybody at this point, but somehow we get the feeling he’s about to pull another war out of his jowls of defeat.

But before that happens, can we please send this arrogant warmonger to Libya to try his hand at killing Gaddafi? That should be the rule every time he wants to add another war onto what we’re already waging in the world. He’s a good military decision-maker, right? He seems to think so. We’re sure he’d last a very long time on the battlefield. [Hot Air]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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108 comments

    1. horsedreamer_1

      "I don't turn on the stove, I don't pick up the phone — & I sure as shit don't fucking launch airstrikes against a bunch of ragheads! Shomer fuckin' Shabbos!"

      1. tiredalways

        Funny but don't ever tell a Hindu from India that India is Muslim country or you would be Jihaded before you know it :)

      1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

        I was going to say Detroit, but, lets face it, Lieberman probably wants to bomb it also.

    1. hagajim

      Better question…are there any countries that Lieberman doesn't want to bomb….not counting Israel of course.

  1. memzilla

    If we want to declare war on an authoritarian regime that oppresses its citizens and ignores the rule of law… let's start with Wisconsin.

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      How much longer can we allow Rick Perry to carry out his reign of terror in Texas?

  2. Gopherit

    You have to hand it to him. He's showing restraint both in not suggesting Iran first and also in not calling Syria North Israel.

  3. SorosBot

    War, huh, good god yall, what is good for? Absolutely everything, according to Joe and his best buddy John.

    1. jus_wonderin

      Doesn't WAR create jobs? I mean we got three of 'em going now. And isn't the Unemployment rate at like 2 percent or something?

  4. SheriffRoscoe

    Can we bring back George "Dubya" Bush to give Lieberman a ten minute definition of the word "sovereign," where the only word he gets to use in the definition is the word he's trying to define? That would help me take my mind off a lot of this bullshit.

  5. PublicLuxury

    The only way I am going to agree with the LIEberman, is if his BFF John McCain comes back as a fighter pilot.

    1. chicken_thief

      He couldn't keep a plane in the air 40 yrs ago, what makes you think he's any better now?

    2. Veritas78

      I don't think we have enough aircraft for that. For Chrissake's, there's a war on! Or three.

  6. Oblios_Cap

    It's pretty obvious that Sun Tzu stole most of Droopy Dog's ideas and claimed them for his own.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      I'm sure Toby Keith can come up with something.

      Y'all done protested good
      But the guvmint blasted your 'hood
      And I think that war is great
      Because I love promotin' hate
      So…
      We're gonna bomb Syrian asses
      Turn their streets to molasses
      Because al-Assad fired on your masses
      We saw it in photographses
      The USofA don't want to intervene
      But you know how we like waggling our peen
      So we'll bomb your asses tonight… for freedoms!

    2. CthuNHu

      Just say the word, ohhhhh. Sy-sy-syria … nope, doesn't cut it.

      Sorry, Phil, you make lousy music to invade by.

  7. DaRooster

    "He’s a good military decision-maker, right?"

    Can one simultaneously invade AND retreat?

  8. edgydrifter

    To be fair, if my head looked like John Kruk's steroid-atrophied scrotum, I'd probably lash out at the entire world, too.

  9. KeepFnThatChicken

    to hear Republicans correctly, they all say we have fifty-seven states, thanks to Obama's errancy.

  10. Come here a minute

    The only reason Gates has stayed on is he is afraid Lieberman might be appointed in his place.

  11. Fare la Volpe

    Hey now, some cocksuckers are really cool, and brave, and smart, and provide a valuable service to the community.

    Lieberman's more like that College Humor girl who thinks blowjobs involve sandpaper and teeth.

  12. prommie

    Joe appears to have come up with a "final solution" to the arab problem. Has he been to Wannsee lately?

  13. DahBoner

    Would'nt be surprised if there was Syrian insurance company money up Lieberman's butt…

    #LIEBERMAN WAS AL GORE'S WATERLOO–RustyCamper

  14. V572del c:/*.* y/n?

    You think we could've elected a worse president than Chimpy in 2004? Just sayin: it coulda been this guy.

    And what's the deal with this "Arab street" shit–is there an Israeli "street"?

  15. mourningnmerica

    I am trying to work up some Joementum for another invasion, but I'm struggling. Maybe I'll invite Bill Kristol over for drinks tonight.

  16. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I refuse to take anything Lieberman or other war hawks say seriously until they come out in favor of boots on the ground to promote regime change in Italy.

    Plus it has the benefit of being a war that we know we can win, because we won it just 70 years ago.

    1. chicken_thief

      And the weather, women, food and wine, not necessarily in that order, are much better in Italy.

  17. Gleem_McShineys

    He's gonna need to see his physician, his warrection is lasting far beyond four hours.

  18. Tundra Grifter

    "…he’s about to pull another war out of his jowls of defeat."

    That's some very funny stuff, Jack! Very funny, indeed!

  19. SkinnyNerd

    Anybody else get the feeling that we'll be warring from Casablanca to Jakarta by year's end?

  20. KenLayIsAlive

    If by "wave" you mean being brushed lightly by a warm water jet in a hot tub somewhere watching FOX when the shit goes down, then this will certainly happen.

  21. zappadoo76

    God gave Abraham and his descendents all the land from the Euphrates to the Nile. It's right there in the Good Book (Genesis 15:18). That land, aka Eretz Ysrael, includes Syria. The US is the ally of the children of Abraham. Therefore the US needs to do God's Work and take over Syria and give it to Joe Lieberman and the other children of Abraham, but not to Ishmael and his children, the A-rabs, cuz Ishmael was a bastard, who was born to Abraham's whore housemaid, Hagar, so he doesn't count. Now you understand the theology of all this, so stop whining.

  22. NorthStarSpanx

    In the same way that spectacular losses at the ballot box hasn't seemed to dampen lucrative opportunities in pushing a conservative agenda for Joe Miller, Christine O'Donnell and Sharon Angle, I don't see Joe Lieberman's "retirement" being preferable to suffering his crazy-Juggernaut in the private sector.

  23. BTWBFDIMHO

    Actually, Obama is planning to invade Syria, but not before Lieberman leaves the Senate and becomes the new US Ambassador in Teheran.

  24. ttommyunger

    The Liebercunt has his face in Netenyahu's lap so much he's learned to breath through his ears.

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