The Grand (Second-)Old Party still does not control the government itself these days, but that doesn’t matter when Republican can get the president to capitulate on basically any point and steer the agenda to get what they want by promising to shut down the government until they do. This inevitable and inevitably unpopular shutdown stupidity has been put off by Democrats “compromising” — giving Republicans some of the spending cuts they want in exchange for them not being terrible douche bags for a short period of time. The Republican plan seems to be to keep staving off this shutdown thing for a few weeks at a time and forcing Democrats to give in until they’ve totaled up all the cuts they wanted. That is, until the Teabaggers ask them to make more cuts. Which will also be easily accomplished by Boehner taking five minutes before he leaves the building to drink red wine the rest of the day to scare caring Democrats by making yet another half-hearted little shutdown promise. Governing is easy!
Look, Republicans can even change the rules of the “compromise” if they want to make getting exactly what they want go a bit faster!
The House has passed a bill that would cut $61 billion from 2010 levels. Democrats say those cuts would be too large, but large numbers voted in favor of $10 billion in cuts as part of the last two short-term government funding measures.
Negotiations to bridge the $51 billion difference have been conducted by aides to Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D., Nev.), House Speaker John Boehner (R., Ohio) and White House Budget Director Jacob Lew.
Those talks faltered last week amid a dispute over where to start discussion. Republicans insisted that the two sides negotiate from the legislation passed by the House to cut $61 billion, which would put the burden on Democrats to say which cuts they didn’t find acceptable.
By July, Democrats will be forced to personally go out and murder all gay Democratic voters in the country if they “want to avoid shutdown another two weeks.” Which will be accomplished by John Boehner having the tanning bed attendant make this short threat to them over the phone while he oranges his eyeballs. Who said government had to be complicated? [WSJ]
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Gee Republican Teabaggers acting as 4 year olds, not really a surpise, what time has Obama scheduled his cave-in news conference?
Right up there with, "I won't cum in your mouth."
Much.
In San Francisco in the late-70's, the lines were:
"It's only a cold sore;
The mortgage is assumable" – and, best of all,
"He's just my room mate."
Sounds like you ought to be quickly scouting asylum nations, personal rocket launchers and/or gay conversion therapy.
You know, like, before the Paisley Pogrom gets wheeled out.
Clearly, you are an individual acquainted with CreampieSurprise.com.
(It's a baking site.)
I'm one of the 'models'. Braids and covered in cream can it get any better?
Maybe we should drop a few cruise missles on GOP HQ. For humanitarian reasons.
Might not work–those are supposed to be "smart" munitions so they would stay away from the Repubs clubhouse.
If only we could round up all of the TeaTards and drop them over in Japan. The black hole of stupidity that such a mass of lardass hover round riders would create could be used to suck up all of the radiation from the nuke plants. Don't forget to take $arah and Gingrich!
#TEATARD BLACK HOLE OF STUPIDTY
It worked for Newt.
Got him laid, anyway.
I have to salute a guy who can give a firebrand lecture on morality while a hooker blows him from under the podium.
Little known FACT: William Jennings Bryan was bling-blinging it while delivering his "Cross of Gold" oration.
Can't we just shut down a few parts of government for a while? Like, you know, the Pentagon and the agriculture subsidies? I'm sure I could think of many other things….
Corporate welfare?
Silly person of unknown gender, didn't you see the CEO of Cisco Systems on "60 Minutes" last night, threatening to move the rest of his operations to Ireland or Switzerland if US America doesn't immediately lower the corporate income tax rate to 11%? He's gotta do it, because he owes it to the shareholders.
Jesus, yeah I saw that fucker. I kept waiting for Lesley Stahl to ask something like, "And how about Cisco paying a bit more out of patriotism?"
Right. Only if stock options are tied directly to patriotism, and even then.
I think I'd move to Ireland or Switzerland regardless of the corporate tax rate.
Wait a minute – don't those countries have some of that commie sociamalist health care death panels things? And a business would still want to move there?
Not to mention (because Leslie probably doesn’t know much about tax policy) Value Added Tax.
That Rebel Flag in the rear window of your truck will probably draw blank stare over there.
Of course, he failed to point out that there would be no stockholders if it wasn't for the untold billions that Cisco has made from doing business in America.
POS.
Why am I paying GE? Could we stop for awhile or will they start building new nuke plants if we do?
Healthcare for politicians?
Just shut down the part that funds congress. Even if they shut the whole thing down, most of us know how to get by on almost nothing by now, I doubt those fools do.
Seems that the "Negotiations to bridge the $51 billion difference" are always about how to hit the 51 billion in budget cutting/gutting/reaming and not whether it is a good idea to destroy the lives of 90 percent of U.S. residents.
That's because 90% of US residents to contribute enough money to keep the politicians's thirst slaked.
Right, because if you abstract the discussion to mere numbers and dollars, it doesn't become a debate about how many poor kids will get medical care or a nourishing lunch at school. Who'd want to talk about that?
Even the jobs numbers are abstract. All these cuts are theoretically correlated to a subsequent rise in economic activity by way of keeping more of your own money. Or something like that. There's no actual people in Republicans' economic models anyway.
The 90 don't cut the checks.
Jesus – they're like goddamn managers that just need to check off this box in sharepoint to get their bonus requirements met.
Boner–can you show us on the gavel where he touched you?
Barry will fold like a house of cards and the Rs will end up getting last December's tax cuts and the $60B in cuts. The Great Capitulator.
Fuck 'em. Let 'em walk and show everyone, even more, that they are a bunch of crybaby bitches. Stop the caving!
It'll never happen.
HAhahahaha! You made a funny!
I'm not saying they will cave, I'm just saying I just saw a bunch of bats heading towards DC.
I'm not saying they will fold, I'm saying they spent the weekend attending a seminar taught by lawn chairs.
I've been imploring Reid to burn the motherfucker to the ground since November, but he won't listen.
Hell, Clinton refused to cave to the Newt and it worked out fine for him, not so well for the amphibian.
They're only going to have to murder the gay democratic voters? That doesn't sound plausible to me, Jack, that would require the GOP to compromise.
I thought they would have to fuck every Democratic voter in the ass…oh wait – that already happened. Sorry – my bad.
Besides, who would they rent then?!
They would have to also kill every last female democratic voter – they might as well finish us off, they already threw us under the bus.
Where is Moynihan when you need him. Dems need such a serious 'nad infusion it's not even funny. My lady balls are bigger than all theirs combined.
On another note, I've only been on here a week and a troll has decided to "follow" me. FML. Does he work for the CIA?
No, someone is probably paying them $20 a day to stalk you and downfist every comment you make, which is why you're at 31p after a week instead of 3000p like we all should be.
Or maybe they're not getting paid for it and they really are just that bored. I know I'd be bored if I was visiting Breitbart's site or the Big Government's site and started downfisting everyone. Not that I've ever done that. Nope. Never. *whistles*
It's okay, sweetpea. By "following" you he's actually boosting the total number of p-points you earn, completely overriding any amount of downfisting he'd ever accomplish.
His incompetence is endearing.
Our little bag of trolls just keeps adding more friends. She really must be into the fisting and the p.
Just means you said something true at least once that made a breitbarter (similar to a Santorum) really poopypants mad. And that the rest of us will fist your pee until you beg for mercy.
Here, let me give you some p-ness. Oh, that does't sound quite right. Let me upfist you. Hmmm.
Welcome to Wonkette!
The Grand (Second-)Old Party still does not control the government itself these days
Really?
Well, let's get on with "reforming" Social Security and Medicare then.
Forget that, we need to highlight the fact that "small government" in Bachmann's eyes means the freedom to control the light bulb quality in our homes, not our wombs. I've been dying for an outlet on this (latest) conservative Presidential posturing outrage. . .Jesus Wonkette, what do we have to do to get bat-shit Bachmann on the table on this?
http://www.startribune.com/politics/national/hous…
The hilarity of the whole light bulb controversy is that the Republilklans are against paying less for electricity by using more efficient light bulbs.
Because the Koch Brothers control the power grid.
Duh — skimming (profits)!
We will soon look at the heady "Sternly Worded Memo" days of the democratic party as the days of party strength and unity.
I'm growing bored with the daily numbers of e-mails begging for money to help defeat the latest Republiklan crime against the American public, only to have them fold in the name of bipartisanship.
like the old adage: I wait for the day when health and welfare are a given and the Airforce has to have a bakesale for the newest jets
What would be so unnatural about a crimped trachea?
Haha. Shit. Like a clogged toilet avoided until shift change, this will leave a mystery for the night crew.
It would be lovely beyond words if the Democrats would stake out one issue–milk money for orphans of the storm or funds to keep pictures of kittens on the interwebs–and tell Boner and Company "OK, if you want to kill orphans and deprive them of kittens in their last days go ahead and shut down the government".
But they won't because they are punks. Jesus will ride by on a dinosaur before the Congressional Dems get a backbone.
They did stake out one…continuing the Bush tax cuts…and that worked….fuckers.
Hey Democrats, I hear the Clock Tower Hotel in Rockford, Illinois offers pretty good group rates.
Will they allow me in the actual Clock Tower?
Not if you're Charles Whitman.
Democrat – Latin for no balls
Repugs don't know it, because they have no long-term memory ganglions in their reptilian brains, but they are like the idiot husband who caught his wife in bed with another man. He pulled out a gun and pointed it at his temple. The startled couple cracked up, at which point the husband blurted: "Don't laugh, you're next!".
Just as long as the FAA is shut down along with the rest of the country and the teabaggers are stuck in DC for the duration.
Over the weekend I attended a party and met a young man who is serving in the US Navy out of San Diego. For the past several weeks, each payday he's been told that will probably be the last check he'll receive for a while because the Federal Government is going to shut down.
Personally, that's a hell of a way to treat the women and men who serve our nation.
I'm in San Diego and the Navy corpsmen I've met have all told me they enlisted because they were laid off from their jerbs back home (south, east, rural, &c), couldn't find another jerb, and had to support their families. Women and men both. We have an unemployment draft, folks, and it ain't purty.
Damn, Jack, it looks like Sad Master Ken has you ready to leave the temple.
FWIW, Paul Krugman sounds like he's just about had it with President Barry, also.
No we can't (Paywall goes up 2 pm EST, for any who care.)
~
dammit, if that just doesn't summarize nicely
I was so proud when my 17yr old recognized Paul Krugman in "Get Him to the Greek."
Conversely, I was embarrassed when I recognized Terry Mc Auliffe in The Adjustment Bureau.
Thanks for pissing me off Jack!
But the Democrats just want the Republican's to like them!
They're just not that into us, I guess. Sigh. Maybe another blow job and some anal and then our PIN numbers and debit cards would help?
Ha ha, a "tax benefit." Sweet, but couldn't we call it "a subsidy from other US taxpayers" or "welfare payment to Jeff Immelt"? I guess that wouldn't be all bi-partisan-y and fair.
It figures. The White House budget guy is a Lew.
GOP, go ahead. Shut it down. But do remember you won't get paid either.
Shut it down and shut it down NOW. No waiting for a more press-friendly opportune time. Shut it down in the middle of Cherry Blossom season so thousands of tourist constituents have their vacation ruined. Shut it down immediately, before the precious first of the month so all the 'baggers don't get their SSI or disability or food stamps and then those bastards can learn exactly how much they rely on that "evil Big Government." Shut down the FAA and TSA and strand millions of people. Go ahead. I dare you . Shut it down.
Unfortunately, I'm not sure shutting down the government means shutting off the corporate lobbyist bribery spigot.
There are a lot of government employees in DC hoping for a shutdown — they've already been told by the GOP that what they're doing isn't important, so why not just stay home for a while. When the shutdown's over, they'll probably get back-pay anyway.
If only they could shut their sphincters, which seem to be in a perpetual state of openness so as to allow simultaneous exit and entrance, from the same portal.
If the Democrats had any balls, they would demand that the rich pay their share, and that they will not cut another program until the top tax bracket is moved up to the Clinton levels.
Of course, the chance of this happening is 0, so might as well close the National Parks.
"Why didn't you let us actively waffle and avoid voting on the 'use of force,' Mr. President?"
Reagan negotiated with (capitulated to) anti-American terrorists. President Obama is merely trying to copy his hero.
OK I get it. Bankers run the economy into the ground, economy teeters on the verge of second great depression, TARP, under GWB & Goldman's Hank Paulson bail out banks, banks pay out billions in bonuses to geniuses who wrecked the economy, therefore we have to cut social security because its only fair. The first thing I want to see Medicare do, after the death panels of course, it to yank back those scooters we paid for.
If we death paneled the bankers, this country would probably be fixed in no time.
Cooperation, sharing, working together? That's socialism!
Karmic justice would have Cisco moved to Ireland just in time for the Greek style Austerity Measures to be put in place in order to save the Irish economy. The American corporate tax rate won't seem so bad then.
"…giving Republicans some of the spending cuts they want in exchange for them not being terrible douche bags for a short period of time."
Yes. A nanosecond is a "short period of time".
Hey, remember when Republicans kept on insisting that the whole reason the economy was in the shitter was because of "uncertainty" (a deliberately impossible-to-define term, since life itself is uncertain and therefore any and all business decisions are inherently rife with uncertainty), and therefore the only way to get the economy back on track was tax cuts for the super-wealthy?
Yeah, well, you know what *really* prompts a fuckton of uncertainty? When you threaten, every two weeks, to shut down the government and let the US of A default on its soveriegn debt. Unless, of course, Congress approves budget cuts so deep as to alter the Government's public policy, thus causing the behavior of the biggest single actor in the economy to be wildly erratic, week-to-week. I am pretty sure that is also a source of "uncertainty" for people who actually are concerned about such things. Whether some tax cuts on 1% of incomes will expire at the time everyone said they'd expire to begin with? Not so much.
Someone PLEASE play this in Harry Reid's office:
Gil Scott – Heron, "Shut 'Em Down" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlokrdldGO8
"Either the world will be ruled according to the ideas of democracy, or the world will be dominated according to the natural law of force; in the latter case the people of brute force will be victorious." Mein Kampf.
I can pretty much use this quote in almost any story printed here these days, it seems.
Well, it seems like you are doing so. Bravo?
It was my personal protest/performance art for yesterday. Today we can go back to Sarah Palin or the like…
Tell me you didn't actually have to read the whole damn thing to pull out that quote.
But it's certainly a sweet little grenade for wingnut lists, 'specially the 2nd Amendment fans. Only for those (like metamarcist) with hazmat suits to withstand the poop-flinging shit storm, of course.
It's no longer the "Grand Old Party".
It's the Grand Guignol Party nowadays….
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