PAULTARDS > 'BONERS FOR JOHNSON'  11:18 am March 28, 2011

Gary Johnson Running For President So He Can Be Embarrassed By Ron Paul

by Jack Stuef

Gary Johnson will formally announce his candidacy for president in April while stumping in New Hampshire, an adviser told POLITICO.

The former New Mexico governor will skip the step of creating an exploratory committee, opting for an immediate start to his bid for the GOP nomination.

Telling Politico! Fancy.

Gary Johnson is a libertarian has-been politician who could get some support if neither of the Pauls run. But one will. So he will scoop up whatever few libertarian Republican loners think even Ron Paul is too popular and mainstream for them to support.

Gary Johnson is your next president, is what we’re saying. [Politico]


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SorosBot March 28, 2011 at 11:37 am


Sophist [غني عن ذلك] March 28, 2011 at 11:48 am

That's been my response to about half the veritable bestiary of candidates and "candidates" and people who are thinking about maybe considering forming a committee to talk about the possibility of running for an office that may or may not be the presidency this election cycle.

My response to the other half?


nounverb911 March 28, 2011 at 11:42 am

Is he Arte Johnson's son?

not that Dewey March 28, 2011 at 12:16 pm

Very interesting…

mourningnmerica March 28, 2011 at 12:30 pm

But Shtoopit.

I guess you probably saw that coming.

mavenmaven March 28, 2011 at 12:37 pm

Oh, didn't see that you beat me to this reference, great minds and all…

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] March 28, 2011 at 11:44 am

Oh, I think everyone is already embarrassed by Ron Paul.

horsedreamer_1 March 28, 2011 at 11:47 am

His campaign will be derailed by rumours of his Messican origins.

Show us the birth certificate!

Andrew Drinker March 28, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Well..he was governor of NEW Mexico!!!!

It's a conspiracy!

horsedreamer_1 March 28, 2011 at 11:48 am

Also, I don't think moralist Ron Paul — I know, odd, for a Libertarian &/or libertarian — supports gay marriage. So, really, he & Gijjy* only have the weed in common.

*The former Governor's hip-hop name. From his initials, GJ.

glamourdammerung March 28, 2011 at 1:50 pm

You are usually supposed to capitalize the name of a religion. I hope that clears any confusion up.

trampndirtdown March 28, 2011 at 11:33 pm

Ron Paul certainly didn't support Bruno taking his pants off

horsedreamer_1 March 29, 2011 at 8:59 am

I just read this as Bono taking his pants off. Couldn't decide which would be worst, though: Pantsless Undead Sonny, Depantsed lady-boy Chaz, or Naked from the Waist Down Mirror-shaded Bonovox.

mavenmaven March 28, 2011 at 11:51 am

Very interesting… but not likely (ok, ok, that was an obscure Johnson reference, Ruth Buzzi would get it, though).

JoeBiteme March 28, 2011 at 11:51 am

I'm not sure Gary Johnson needs Ron Paul's help to be embarrassing.

Moonbat March 28, 2011 at 11:52 am

The other problem, beside his being overshadowed by either (or both! Paul/Paul 2012!) Paul, is that Gary Johnson simply isn't crazy and/or panderrific enough to play with your Gingriches, Bachmanns, and Romneys. His kind of Republican hasn't had a shot at national office in thirty or forty years.

4TheTurnstiles March 28, 2011 at 12:01 pm

this year's Mike Gravel, ladies and gentlemen!

Gopherit March 28, 2011 at 12:15 pm

Gravel's commercials were brilliant. Yes, we'd probably be a post apocalyptic hellscape if he had been elected……but damn those commercials were awesome.

GuyClinch March 28, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Yes, you're right. So for now US America is only a pre-apocalyptic hellscape.

BarackMyWorld March 28, 2011 at 12:08 pm

OT, but here.

finallyhappy March 28, 2011 at 5:21 pm

I've never actually listened to Crazy-Eyes- is Sara doing a good imitation?

Come here a minute March 28, 2011 at 12:09 pm

Here's a tough question: Would it be worse to be embarrassed by Ron Paul or Rand Paul? At least the older one has blimps; the younger one is just a fake eye doctor.

Gopherit March 28, 2011 at 12:14 pm

From wikipedia:

"Personal life

Johnson is an avid triathlete who bikes extensively and abstains from all recreational drug use, caffeine, alcohol, and some sugar products."

Fuck this guy. He does not represent Murikan Valuez.

Oblios_Cap March 28, 2011 at 12:24 pm

He sounds like a real dick.

SexySmurf March 28, 2011 at 12:41 pm

He sounds like a Mormon.

Gopherit March 28, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Strangely, no. He's Lutheran. And an insufferable asshole.

CthuNHu March 28, 2011 at 7:06 pm

Well, I reckon as I'll jes' be takin' this Bailey's Irish Cream back out of the gift box and keepin' it fer mahself.

PublicLuxury March 28, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Wasn't Gary the guy that stomped on the neck/head of that teeny tiny girl after he dragged her down to the pavement?

I like that guy. Very decisive. Very manly. Excellent public relation skills.

weejee March 28, 2011 at 12:24 pm

Who's putting together this herd of GOpee candidates?

A. The DNC
B. The Daily Kos
C. The Daily Show
D. Rachel Maddow
E. Ken Layne

horsedreamer_1 March 28, 2011 at 12:52 pm

All of them, Charlie.

[redacted]hse March 28, 2011 at 6:45 pm

Psst…Layne has the most to gain. Him and Arianna Huffington.

sati_demise March 28, 2011 at 12:24 pm

He is actually a good candidate. Loved him in New Mexico. He hasn't got a chance.

mourningnmerica March 28, 2011 at 12:28 pm

It's a pipe dream. He'll never match the name recognition of Herman Cain.

DownFist Troll March 28, 2011 at 12:33 pm

I for one, welcome our new Randian overlord.

hagajim March 28, 2011 at 12:36 pm

The only Johnson I want to be Preznit is my Johnson!

horsedreamer_1 March 28, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Reminds me of the Big Johnson Brand tee-shirts I used to see at my high-school. (How they cleared the threshold for "inappropriate" attire, I know not; I only know that, for purposes of enrollment at West Allis schools, beer is NOT swell.)

"The State of Our Union Is Turgid"

[redacted]hse March 28, 2011 at 6:47 pm

Campaign banners instead of posters, I assume?

loulouroo March 28, 2011 at 12:50 pm

RonRand 2012! And then I hope the earth just swallows us all up.

friendlyskies March 28, 2011 at 12:52 pm

Ron Paul > Gary "Big J" Johnson > Rand Paul

Unless you're really into the "green chile," if you know what I mean.

Pragmatist2 March 28, 2011 at 1:10 pm

We are ALL embarrassed by Ron Paul.

Gopherit March 28, 2011 at 1:21 pm

everything but shitty tootsie rolls and candy corn, I bet.

Texan_Bulldog March 28, 2011 at 1:32 pm

This guy is pro-pot legalization (if I remember correctly); he doesn't stand a chance!

GOPCrusher March 28, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Marshmallow Peeps.

GOPCrusher March 28, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Didn't stop people from throwing their votes away on Ralph Nader.

finallyhappy March 28, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Hey, he is someone else I see occasionally(because live in the DC area long enough and you will see Ralph). I think next time, I will call him a douchebag.

GregComlish March 28, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Gary Johnson was an ok Governor. He had his cloying libertarian naivety, but he didn't engage in culture war bullshit and he was willing to make some compromises. He wouldn't go along with this Obama-as-Kenyan-Socialist crap so he'll never manage to capture the fringe in which he competes. He believes in evolution, science, and even global warming. He also did some things that didn't work out well for New Mexico, like privatizing the prisons. He probably could have made up for his blunders if he succeeded in decriminalizing weed, but he failed.

deanbooth March 28, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Is he the Gary from The Horrors of Spider Island? If he crosses his legs, he running!


finallyhappy March 28, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Really, being the best gov. NEw Mexico ever had is like being a good council member here in Montgomery County, MD so doper or not- he is lost before he starts.

[redacted]hse March 28, 2011 at 6:41 pm

Gary Johnson! He was SO funny on Laugh-In! LOL!

BaldarTFlagass March 28, 2011 at 6:47 pm

Fuck your sympathy! I don't need your sympathy, man, I need my fucking Johnson!

MinAgain March 28, 2011 at 7:52 pm

I dunno. I think he could take Rand in a fair fight.

KenLayIsAlive March 29, 2011 at 12:16 am

Considering Rand had to have a goon stomp on a smallish frail woman for him, I doubt a fair fight with him is ever in the offing.

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