UNLIKE  11:27 am March 28, 2011

Facebook ‘Likes’ To ‘Friend’ Robert Gibbs (Facebook Hiring Robert Gibbs)

by Ken Layne

''Millions of dollars,' Gibbs? Haha, now we're ALL multi-millionaires! ... Make sure to con some Islamic teens into doing terror bullshit.' What does a powerful, immense global online network worth $60 billion need more than anything? A cozy voice in the White House! That’s why Facebook is reportedly hiring Barack Obama’s former spokesman and best buddy Robert Gibbs. The ex-White House press secretary will make “millions of dollars” in salary and stock, according to the New York Times. What will Gibbs do for the Web’s top time-waster? He’ll help “manage the company’s communications,” perhaps by verbally attacking Facebook’s most loyal users. (“Professional losers,” he might call them, or “Fake-friend house-slobs who should be aggressively electrocuted, remotely.”)

And if Mark Zuckerberg hires one of John Boehner’s random siblings for $45,000 a year and maybe hires Ginni Thomas as a “columnist” or whatever, Facebook will have total control of the U.S. government. (The Senate is powerless.)

This will also help strengthen the social network’s role as the “new CIA and FBI,” because who needs actual expensive human agents (who haven’t figured out anything “secret” in about 30 years) when Facebook has perfected the espionage art of getting people to voluntarily type in all their personal information along with whatever “causes” they “like” (Baltimore Ravens, Subway footlongs, committing Islamic terrorism, Mafia Wars).

The NYT reports:

Facebook has also become a focus of Washington as lawmakers and regulators grapple with online privacy issues and Internet security. Facebook has already stepped up its lobbying efforts in Washington, which have included discussions with the Federal Trade Commission, the Office of the Director of National Intelligence and the Defense Intelligence Agency.

Have fun being rich, Gibbs! [New York Times]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 67 comments }

lilblacktombo March 28, 2011 at 11:33 am

And now, please welcome Former White House Press Secretary Robert Gibs *undifferentiated bodyparts ragdoll onto podium*

Doktor Avalanche March 28, 2011 at 11:53 am

Best description of him evah

OC_Surf_Serf March 28, 2011 at 11:33 am

Social Networks : Democrats
Solo Screeds on Twitter : Republicans

jus_wonderin March 28, 2011 at 11:55 am

And Rusty Campers. Don't forget Rusty Campers.

KenLayIsAlive March 28, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Ya can't limit mah rusty camper screed to 140 characturs! Freeeeduuuumb!

PublicLuxury March 28, 2011 at 11:34 am

I'm surprised they didn't offer Dana Perino the job. Joe Arpiao would also be an excellent choice.

Buzz Feedback March 28, 2011 at 11:34 am

Robert Gibbs just found a pot of gold on Farmville.

SorosBot March 28, 2011 at 11:37 am

But I don't wanna be poked by Gibbs.

hagajim March 28, 2011 at 12:34 pm

Better than being poked by Newt…barely

WhatTheHeck March 28, 2011 at 11:38 am

Oh god, he finally succumbed to the Social Disease of the new century.

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] March 28, 2011 at 11:58 am

At least the old social diseases were fun to get, and ended in merciful death.

poncho_pilot March 28, 2011 at 12:14 pm

and you got to play "robot" when you developed locomotor ataxia.

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 28, 2011 at 11:38 am

This is all just a ploy to get subsidies for Farmville.

DashboardBuddha March 28, 2011 at 11:45 am

Very nice!

Gorillionaire March 28, 2011 at 11:38 am

I still like Gibbs. He is like the Bugs Bunny of television.

DashboardBuddha March 28, 2011 at 11:45 am

I thought Bugs Bunny was the Bugs Bunny of television.

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] March 28, 2011 at 11:57 am

I thought Bugs Bunny was the W.C. Fields of television.

GuyClinch March 28, 2011 at 12:01 pm

I don't think I've ever heard Bugs Bunny say, "I don't drink water. Fish fuck in it."

jus_wonderin March 28, 2011 at 12:03 pm

No. No, W.C. Fields is the Winston Churchill of Radio.

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] March 28, 2011 at 12:06 pm

But I thought Winston Churchill was the Benjamin Disraeli of semaphore?

nounverb911 March 28, 2011 at 11:52 am

Is Dana Milbank the Elmer Fudd of television then?
http://wonkette.com/417972/dana-milbank-moves-to-

BarackMyWorld March 28, 2011 at 11:39 am

Robert Gibbs's bank account Likes this.

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 28, 2011 at 11:39 am

I am so looking forward to the coming civil war when this nation is split between Facebook and Google. It will be so much more interesting that the 'baggers and their rebellion for corporate tax breaks.

jus_wonderin March 28, 2011 at 11:56 am

Doesn't that happen immediately before SkyNet becomes self-aware?

PublicLuxury March 28, 2011 at 11:40 am

This pisses me off

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] March 28, 2011 at 11:41 am

Well, he certainly has a lot of experience explaining how violations of privacy (and other rights) aren't really that big of a deal and that we should stop complaining. Besides, it's not like Facebook has been illegally detaining anyone for indefinite periods or hooking up car batteries to their users genitals or whatnot (I am not a Facebook user, so let me know if this is incorrect), so this should actually be somewhat easier than his last gig.

jus_wonderin March 28, 2011 at 11:58 am

"…hooking up car batteries to their users genitals"

That is more a BeFriends thing.

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] March 28, 2011 at 12:08 pm

…I am so not coming to your birthday party.

horsedreamer_1 March 28, 2011 at 11:45 am

Sorkin's already writing the sequel.

Rob Lowe has called thirteen times, already, about appearing in the movie.

Oblios_Cap March 28, 2011 at 11:46 am

I'll show him! I'll refuse all of his requests to "Friend" me.

DashboardBuddha March 28, 2011 at 11:46 am

The people in the picture have a plethora of pastel panache.

weejee March 28, 2011 at 11:47 am

What's Facebook?

jus_wonderin March 28, 2011 at 11:59 am

I think it was the sequel to Silence of the Lambs.

weejee March 28, 2011 at 12:10 pm

On the intertubes would that be Silence of the Spams?

mayor_quimby March 28, 2011 at 3:46 pm

I think you may have failed your internet driver's license test, yet you have a commenter account at our Wonkette. Good job, and an upfist in your general direction!

mavenmaven March 28, 2011 at 11:48 am

One less unemployed today!

MittsHairHelmet March 28, 2011 at 11:49 am

I'm surprised he didn't go work for Myspace, considering how lately the administration has been acting like its 2003.

nounverb911 March 28, 2011 at 11:54 am

And work for Rupert Murdoch?

horsedreamer_1 March 28, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Let's check Gibby's Xanga to see what he says.

JoeBiteme March 28, 2011 at 11:50 am

It pleases me to imagine Gibbs taking orders from an entitled twenty-something in a hoodie…

An_Outhouse March 28, 2011 at 11:52 am

I heard FaceBook was looking for a database administrator. Gibbs may be in for a surprise.

Andrew Drinker March 28, 2011 at 11:52 am

Does that mean my right-wing "friends" will stop using Facebook to post their insane screeds? It's getting tiring hiding them from my timeline.

Ancient_Hackery March 28, 2011 at 11:56 am

There is no justice. Robert Gibbs is the epitome of the guy that got pushed into the lockers in Junior High, mainly because his dad gave him crewcuts with what appeared to be a a weed-whacker.

{ Not that bullying is acceptable!, just sayin }

Captain_Quark March 28, 2011 at 11:56 am

Does this mean that Gibbs will be taking orders from Sarah Palin, the woman who invented the Facebook and that Twatter thing, too?

mayor_quimby March 28, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Nope, but he is sure as hell ask for root access to her account on his first day. How could he NOT do that?? Look for her to come home to Rupert's Myspace and day now cuz she can't trust the lamestream social network anymore.

randcoolcatdaddy March 28, 2011 at 11:57 am

Well, that's a switch. He quits a job working as a spokesperson and front man for a faceless corporate bureaucracy that is deaf to the wishes of its users and keeps vaguely talking about a bright future of profits and stock returns. Then he winds up working for Facebook.

jus_wonderin March 28, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Well, you could call it "Social" work.

GOPCrusher March 28, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Sounds like a lateral move.

elviouslyqueer March 28, 2011 at 12:03 pm

Gibbsy, two weeks ago: "Sorry Barry, I'm outta here. Wanna spend quality time with my son, get my life back, blah blah, etc."

Gibbsy, yesterday: "Sorry son. Dad's got a new sweet multimillion dollar job. Sucks to be you, but money talks."

jus_wonderin March 28, 2011 at 12:04 pm

The fister is back. But, he only a dick. A small dick.

weejee March 28, 2011 at 12:12 pm

All for thumbs (up), and thumbs for all!

mrblifil March 28, 2011 at 1:45 pm

The Fister will always be among us. He is many and legion. Plus he really really needs those sandwich coupons.

Come here a minute March 28, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Gibbs, make sure you stick a couple of more zeros on whatever offer they give you, they won't know the difference.

jus_wonderin March 28, 2011 at 12:22 pm

A big salary (like @ Facebook) is probably like winning the Lottery. Neither of which I have experience with. Now, dreams. Dreams, I got some of those.

Jim89048 March 28, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Then you Sir/Madame, are very rich indeed. My dreams have all died in a bathtub, filled with bitter tears.

Come here a minute March 28, 2011 at 8:29 pm

Oh yeah, also send me 1/100 of one of those zeroes!

Troubledog March 28, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Finally, the private sector is making some jobs!

KenLayIsAlive March 28, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Maybe every $1M a year job should count as 50 jobs in unemployment stats? America would be out of this recession in no time!

DownFist Troll March 28, 2011 at 12:43 pm

I love Barry's fake laugh pose in that picture.

KenLayIsAlive March 28, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Gibbs doesn't really have a face for Facebook, you know?

But for PudgyFuckStickBook, on the other hand…

bumfug March 28, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Facebook will resist abuse by the Director of National Intelligence and the Defense Intelligence Agency about as well as Hollywood resisted McCarthyism.

GlowneyHouse March 28, 2011 at 2:37 pm

You know a certain Iowa Senator is just ACHING for a position with Twiiter.

bagofmice March 28, 2011 at 4:03 pm

It needed them, obviously

BaldarTFlagass March 28, 2011 at 6:00 pm

the Web’s top time-waster?
Since I don't facebook (is that a verb?), Wonkette takes that honor with me. Maybe I'd go visit my facebook page more than once every 18 months if I could score me some p points for clever repartee over there.

jus_wonderin March 28, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Diraeli is the Moses of the clay tablets.

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] March 28, 2011 at 12:52 pm

Ah, but wasn't Moses the Thag son of Ugg of pointing and grunting?

…yeah, I think we've mined all the ore we're gonna get out of this particular vein.

jus_wonderin March 28, 2011 at 1:05 pm

But, but, wasn't Thag son of Ugg the oozing premodial carbon molecule of life that had no thumbs.

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