unlike

Facebook ‘Likes’ To ‘Friend’ Robert Gibbs (Facebook Hiring Robert Gibbs)

Add to Flipboard Magazine.

''Millions of dollars,' Gibbs? Haha, now we're ALL multi-millionaires! ... Make sure to con some Islamic teens into doing terror bullshit.' What does a powerful, immense global online network worth $60 billion need more than anything? A cozy voice in the White House! That’s why Facebook is reportedly hiring Barack Obama’s former spokesman and best buddy Robert Gibbs. The ex-White House press secretary will make “millions of dollars” in salary and stock, according to the New York Times. What will Gibbs do for the Web’s top time-waster? He’ll help “manage the company’s communications,” perhaps by verbally attacking Facebook’s most loyal users. (“Professional losers,” he might call them, or “Fake-friend house-slobs who should be aggressively electrocuted, remotely.”)

And if Mark Zuckerberg hires one of John Boehner’s random siblings for $45,000 a year and maybe hires Ginni Thomas as a “columnist” or whatever, Facebook will have total control of the U.S. government. (The Senate is powerless.)

This will also help strengthen the social network’s role as the “new CIA and FBI,” because who needs actual expensive human agents (who haven’t figured out anything “secret” in about 30 years) when Facebook has perfected the espionage art of getting people to voluntarily type in all their personal information along with whatever “causes” they “like” (Baltimore Ravens, Subway footlongs, committing Islamic terrorism, Mafia Wars).

The NYT reports:

Facebook has also become a focus of Washington as lawmakers and regulators grapple with online privacy issues and Internet security. Facebook has already stepped up its lobbying efforts in Washington, which have included discussions with the Federal Trade Commission, the Office of the Director of National Intelligence and the Defense Intelligence Agency.

Have fun being rich, Gibbs! [New York Times]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • lilblacktombo

    And now, please welcome Former White House Press Secretary Robert Gibs *undifferentiated bodyparts ragdoll onto podium*

    • Doktor Avalanche

      Best description of him evah

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Social Networks : Democrats
    Solo Screeds on Twitter : Republicans

    • jus_wonderin

      And Rusty Campers. Don't forget Rusty Campers.

      • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

        Ya can't limit mah rusty camper screed to 140 characturs! Freeeeduuuumb!

  • PublicLuxury

    I'm surprised they didn't offer Dana Perino the job. Joe Arpiao would also be an excellent choice.

  • Buzz Feedback

    Robert Gibbs just found a pot of gold on Farmville.

  • SorosBot

    But I don't wanna be poked by Gibbs.

    • hagajim

      Better than being poked by Newt…barely

  • WhatTheHeck

    Oh god, he finally succumbed to the Social Disease of the new century.

    • Sophist [غني عن ذلك]

      At least the old social diseases were fun to get, and ended in merciful death.

      • poncho_pilot

        and you got to play "robot" when you developed locomotor ataxia.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    This is all just a ploy to get subsidies for Farmville.

    • DashboardBuddha

      Very nice!

  • Gorillionaire

    I still like Gibbs. He is like the Bugs Bunny of television.

    • DashboardBuddha

      I thought Bugs Bunny was the Bugs Bunny of television.

      • Sophist [غني عن ذلك]

        I thought Bugs Bunny was the W.C. Fields of television.

        • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

          I don't think I've ever heard Bugs Bunny say, "I don't drink water. Fish fuck in it."

        • jus_wonderin

          No. No, W.C. Fields is the Winston Churchill of Radio.

          • Sophist [غني عن ذلك]

            But I thought Winston Churchill was the Benjamin Disraeli of semaphore?

          • jus_wonderin

            Diraeli is the Moses of the clay tablets.

          • Sophist [غني عن ذلك]

            Ah, but wasn't Moses the Thag son of Ugg of pointing and grunting?

            …yeah, I think we've mined all the ore we're gonna get out of this particular vein.

          • jus_wonderin

            But, but, wasn't Thag son of Ugg the oozing premodial carbon molecule of life that had no thumbs.

    • nounverb911

      Is Dana Milbank the Elmer Fudd of television then?
      http://wonkette.com/417972/dana-milbank-moves-to-

  • BarackMyWorld

    Robert Gibbs's bank account Likes this.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I am so looking forward to the coming civil war when this nation is split between Facebook and Google. It will be so much more interesting that the 'baggers and their rebellion for corporate tax breaks.

    • jus_wonderin

      Doesn't that happen immediately before SkyNet becomes self-aware?

  • PublicLuxury

    This pisses me off

  • Sophist [غني عن ذلك]

    Well, he certainly has a lot of experience explaining how violations of privacy (and other rights) aren't really that big of a deal and that we should stop complaining. Besides, it's not like Facebook has been illegally detaining anyone for indefinite periods or hooking up car batteries to their users genitals or whatnot (I am not a Facebook user, so let me know if this is incorrect), so this should actually be somewhat easier than his last gig.

    • jus_wonderin

      "…hooking up car batteries to their users genitals"

      That is more a BeFriends thing.

      • Sophist [غني عن ذلك]

        …I am so not coming to your birthday party.

  • horsedreamer_1

    Sorkin's already writing the sequel.

    Rob Lowe has called thirteen times, already, about appearing in the movie.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I'll show him! I'll refuse all of his requests to "Friend" me.

  • DashboardBuddha

    The people in the picture have a plethora of pastel panache.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    What's Facebook?

    • jus_wonderin

      I think it was the sequel to Silence of the Lambs.

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        On the intertubes would that be Silence of the Spams?

    • mayor_quimby

      I think you may have failed your internet driver's license test, yet you have a commenter account at our Wonkette. Good job, and an upfist in your general direction!

  • mavenmaven

    One less unemployed today!

  • MittsHairHelmet

    I'm surprised he didn't go work for Myspace, considering how lately the administration has been acting like its 2003.

    • nounverb911

      And work for Rupert Murdoch?

    • horsedreamer_1

      Let's check Gibby's Xanga to see what he says.

  • JoeBiteme

    It pleases me to imagine Gibbs taking orders from an entitled twenty-something in a hoodie…

  • An_Outhouse

    I heard FaceBook was looking for a database administrator. Gibbs may be in for a surprise.

  • http://andrewdrinker.wordpress.com Andrew Drinker

    Does that mean my right-wing "friends" will stop using Facebook to post their insane screeds? It's getting tiring hiding them from my timeline.

  • Ancient_Hackery

    There is no justice. Robert Gibbs is the epitome of the guy that got pushed into the lockers in Junior High, mainly because his dad gave him crewcuts with what appeared to be a a weed-whacker.

    { Not that bullying is acceptable!, just sayin }

  • Captain_Quark

    Does this mean that Gibbs will be taking orders from Sarah Palin, the woman who invented the Facebook and that Twatter thing, too?

    • mayor_quimby

      Nope, but he is sure as hell ask for root access to her account on his first day. How could he NOT do that?? Look for her to come home to Rupert's Myspace and day now cuz she can't trust the lamestream social network anymore.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Well, that's a switch. He quits a job working as a spokesperson and front man for a faceless corporate bureaucracy that is deaf to the wishes of its users and keeps vaguely talking about a bright future of profits and stock returns. Then he winds up working for Facebook.

    • jus_wonderin

      Well, you could call it "Social" work.

    • GOPCrusher

      Sounds like a lateral move.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Gibbsy, two weeks ago: "Sorry Barry, I'm outta here. Wanna spend quality time with my son, get my life back, blah blah, etc."

    Gibbsy, yesterday: "Sorry son. Dad's got a new sweet multimillion dollar job. Sucks to be you, but money talks."

  • jus_wonderin

    The fister is back. But, he only a dick. A small dick.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      All for thumbs (up), and thumbs for all!

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

      The Fister will always be among us. He is many and legion. Plus he really really needs those sandwich coupons.

  • Come here a minute

    Gibbs, make sure you stick a couple of more zeros on whatever offer they give you, they won't know the difference.

    • jus_wonderin

      A big salary (like @ Facebook) is probably like winning the Lottery. Neither of which I have experience with. Now, dreams. Dreams, I got some of those.

      • Jim89048

        Then you Sir/Madame, are very rich indeed. My dreams have all died in a bathtub, filled with bitter tears.

      • Come here a minute

        Oh yeah, also send me 1/100 of one of those zeroes!

  • Troubledog

    Finally, the private sector is making some jobs!

    • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

      Maybe every $1M a year job should count as 50 jobs in unemployment stats? America would be out of this recession in no time!

  • DownFist Troll

    I love Barry's fake laugh pose in that picture.

  • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

    Gibbs doesn't really have a face for Facebook, you know?

    But for PudgyFuckStickBook, on the other hand…

  • bumfug

    Facebook will resist abuse by the Director of National Intelligence and the Defense Intelligence Agency about as well as Hollywood resisted McCarthyism.

  • GlowneyHouse

    You know a certain Iowa Senator is just ACHING for a position with Twiiter.

  • bagofmice

    It needed them, obviously

  • BaldarTFlagass

    the Web’s top time-waster?
    Since I don't facebook (is that a verb?), Wonkette takes that honor with me. Maybe I'd go visit my facebook page more than once every 18 months if I could score me some p points for clever repartee over there.