IPADSIDE CHATS  10:45 am March 28, 2011

Obama To Declare Mission Accomplished In Libya War Tonight

by Jack Stuef

This always works, right?Though Secretaries of War Adventure Robert Gates and Hillary Clinton are “leaving open” exactly how many years in Libya the United States will be fighting a war to remove a despot they say they don’t want to remove, President Obama is continuing on with a scheduled address to the nation tonight on our cute new little war in which he will “discuss how our efforts in Libya have advanced our interests and averted a catastrophe,” according to the White House. Which is interesting, because just yesterday Gates said Libya did not pose a threat to the U.S. and going to war there was “not a vital national interest.” And our military says the gains made by the side we’re supporting in this civil war could fast be reversed if we ever stop bombing the other side. So our Nobel peace laureate will simultaneously pretend he doesn’t care if Gaddafi stays as dictator, sell the lie that we won’t be in Libya for a long time, and convince America this war is in its interest while the guy in charge of its military says it isn’t. Good thing he’s so good at talking and such!

“The regime still vastly overmatches opposition forces militarily,” Gen. Carter F. Ham, the ranking American in the coalition operation, warned in an email message on Monday. “The regime possesses the capability to roll them back very quickly. Coalition air power is the major reason that has not happened.”

“Four more years! Four more years of Hope, Change, and Endless War!” — Obama re-election slogan

On “This Week,” ABC News’ Senior White House Correspondent Jake Tapper asked Gates, “Do you think Libya posed an actual or imminent threat to the United States?”

“No, no,” Gates said in a joint appearance with Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. “It was not — it was not a vital national interest to the United States, but it was an interest and it was an interest for all of the reasons Secretary Clinton talked about. The engagement of the Arabs, the engagement of the Europeans, the general humanitarian question that was at stake,” he said.

“The importance of the engagement of the Arabs and the Europeans is why you don’t have a job right now. But don’t let me make you think our objective is to defeat and remove Gaddafi. We don’t! We just like to bomb things in Libya!” — alternate Obama re-election slogan

Meanwhile, the U.S. is not going to war with Syria because no other country wants to. And, of course, because that hated leader is apparently our friend, so we call him a “reformer,” something the crowds being fired on by him seem to disagree with, but whatever, those particular humans aren’t a “humanitarian cause.”

Yep, this speech should definitely solve all the problems with our war machine! Cover yourself in the blood of Arabs and join us back here at 7:30 ET for our liveblog of the festivities. [NYT/ABC News]

 
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{ 70 comments }

GunToting[Redacted] March 28, 2011 at 10:46 am

Think of all the jobs this is going to create! When does the Tripoli McDonald's start accepting applications?

Jim89048 March 28, 2011 at 11:06 am

MMmmm, McRibs…

WhatTheHeck March 28, 2011 at 11:40 am

Mmmmmm, Mc Lamb Kebabs

nounverb911 March 28, 2011 at 11:14 am

Tripoli seems more like an In-N-Out Burger kind of town.

GuyClinch March 28, 2011 at 11:21 am

I think I see what you did there.

GOPCrusher March 28, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Besides, the costs associated with our intervention in Libya, will be paid for with Libyan oil revenues.

jdoleman March 28, 2011 at 10:47 am

Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos.

V572 [REDACTED] March 28, 2011 at 11:06 am

He's not MY president! Whatever the fuck that means.

CookiE_MonstA March 28, 2011 at 10:51 am

We still have troops in Germany and Japan. THAT'S how long we are going to be in this for…

ifthethunderdontgetya March 28, 2011 at 10:52 am

Haha, Jack.

I beat you to that last week.

It's not like we didn't all know this was coming…
~

OneDollarJuana March 28, 2011 at 11:37 am

"No one could have foreseen …"

randcoolcatdaddy March 28, 2011 at 10:53 am

Sigh … If we just had Teddy Roosevelt in the White House, all three of these wars would have been over in just a few days.

GOPCrusher March 28, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Remember the Maine!

weejee March 28, 2011 at 10:55 am

Barry is going to announce that he swung Ghadaffy a job with Halliburton in Dubai and Disney will start building Disney Desert in Tripoli next week.

Also, Obamar don't care 'bout libtards and antiwar shit 'cause the GOpee big four's numbers are tanking.

Callyson March 28, 2011 at 11:18 am

the GOpee big four's numbers are tanking.
Mission accomplished!

Boojum_Reborn March 28, 2011 at 12:28 pm

Has someone been downfisting their GOPee?

harry_palmer March 28, 2011 at 10:56 am

As disgusting as the subject of this post is, at least it doesn't involve Newt's little soldier.

PrezCamacho March 28, 2011 at 10:58 am

We need to be severe with Obama from now on – No more wars unless you get a Groupon discount first.

Barbara_i March 28, 2011 at 11:01 am

I'm sure he's out in the rose garden right now, writing "mission accomplished" with his cigarette butts.

V572 [REDACTED] March 28, 2011 at 11:02 am

If you're going to keep the empire neat and tidy, there are going to be these little janitorial tasks from time to time. Well, all the time, really. Just ask the Brits…well, no, bad example because their empire provided citizens at home with the world's highest standard of living, railroads, factories, subways, blah blah…

We've got a lotta guys in jail, though, so that kinda counterbalances the child mortality rates, crumbling infrastructure, lack of public transportation, etc.

poorgradstudent March 28, 2011 at 12:57 pm

And that's what makes the American Empire the suckiest empire in history.

elviouslyqueer March 28, 2011 at 11:03 am

In related news, the GOP is still clutching their pearls about Barry not consulting them ahead of time. Because that worked so well back in 2001 with that whole "rationale for bombing the shit out of Iraq" thing.

SorosBot March 28, 2011 at 11:20 am

That, and some of them are clutching their pearls about how Barack consulted with the UN ahead of time; apparently respecting international law makes America week or something.

OneDollarJuana March 28, 2011 at 11:38 am

I think they're just pulling their pearls out of various orifices…

SorosBot March 28, 2011 at 11:50 am

No, you make a pearl jam with whiny, self-important lyrics and mumbly gravel-voiced singing.

HateMachine March 28, 2011 at 11:59 am

Everyone knows that Congress is a more important arbitrator of international relations and international military intervention than the United Nations.

LabRodent March 28, 2011 at 11:03 am

I need a little more Palin and less war to start my Snark up on a Monday.

Oblios_Cap March 28, 2011 at 11:03 am

The importance of the engagement of the Arabs and the Europeans is why you don’t have a job right now.

Rarely is the question asked "Is their upcoming nuptuals going to create as great an economic boon for the US as the Royal Wedding will create for the UK?"

harry_palmer March 28, 2011 at 11:04 am

At least Newt and the Repubs have proved they don't give knee-jerk support to just any military action.

KenLayIsAlive March 28, 2011 at 11:07 am

You really have to coddle them if you want their jerk support.

SorosBot March 28, 2011 at 11:20 am

Remember how they were with Clinton – "No war for Monica!"

hagajim March 28, 2011 at 11:06 am

Nothing like the 'War and Death' merry-go-round to keep your weekend hopping.

SexySmurf March 28, 2011 at 11:06 am

I have a sneak preview of Obama's speech:

"There has been too much violence. Too much pain. But I have an honorable compromise. Just walk away. Give me your pump, the oil, the gasoline, and the whole compound, and I'll spare your lives. Just walk away and we'll give you a safe passageway in the wastelands. Just walk away and there will be an end to the horror."

Doktor Avalanche March 28, 2011 at 11:08 am

Why do RWers hate him again? How is is radically, let alone marginally, different from what they want for us?

KenLayIsAlive March 28, 2011 at 11:13 am

Oh, he's Black.

PublicLuxury March 28, 2011 at 11:28 am

He has affection for his wife and children and doesn't beat them. Also, too, he prolly has an enormous wanker and teapublicans are scared of anything bigger, better or smarter than theirs/them.

Doktor Avalanche March 28, 2011 at 11:49 am

Okay, so he's got that whole 'human' thing going for him…but other than that, what have the Romans ever done for us?

HateMachine March 28, 2011 at 12:02 pm

This war is actually beneficial to the mostly brown citizens of a country on another continent. Hell, they invited the UNSC in. OF COURSE the GOP hates it.

Jim89048 March 28, 2011 at 11:09 am

"This will be his Waterloo, this will break him."
This is good news for Jim DeMint?

nounverb911 March 28, 2011 at 11:11 am

The good news is that Obama isn't giving the speech on an aircraft carrier. The bad news is we don't get to see him in a flight suit.

ThankYouJeebus March 28, 2011 at 11:12 am

Didn't this guy learn anything from his predecessor? The first reason is WMDs. Democracy on the March is number 5 or something.

samsuncle March 28, 2011 at 11:13 am

Will Barry give his speach while wearing an Air Force Pilot's jumpsuit with an XXL codpiece?

PublicLuxury March 28, 2011 at 11:24 am

I can't even bleieve you said that Sam! It is common knowledge that Obama's codpiece is an XXXXXL

Moonbat March 28, 2011 at 11:48 am

Even now, I'd forgive him an awful lot if he walked up to the podium tonight and said, "'Scuse me while I whip this out…"

Buzz Feedback March 28, 2011 at 11:17 am

Bombing the Future.

KenLayIsAlive March 28, 2011 at 11:20 am

"The Europeans don't go to war with the military they wish they had but refuse to pay for, they go to war with our military."

HateMachine March 28, 2011 at 12:03 pm

We should honestly start charging rent instead of just casually lending it. God knows we're taking a loss on the thing any time we're not using it ourselves.

PublicLuxury March 28, 2011 at 11:22 am

My country has a bigger dick than your country.

OneDollarJuana March 28, 2011 at 11:39 am

My country IS a bigger dick than your country.

jus_wonderin March 28, 2011 at 11:27 am

I do wish that BO had asked for Republican "permission" so that they'd have some heat to take on this as well. Oh. Well.

aguacatero March 28, 2011 at 11:27 am

For a (to me) plausible defense of the Libyan intervention from a guy with big cred:
http://www.juancole.com/2011/03/an-open-letter-to

HateMachine March 28, 2011 at 12:13 pm

That sums it up pretty nicely. I get really confused when people tell me that I'm supposed to be against us bombing the shit out of a pack of awful people in Libya so that they can't rape and/or murder a much larger number of mediocre-to-decent people.

EDIT: In fact, can we get that piece forwarded to the White House? Maybe Barry can just read from it instead of whatever he's got prepped for tonight.

HuddledMass March 28, 2011 at 2:56 pm

What we're doing in Libya is not at all equivalent to the war in Iraq. I get it if you're a committed pacifist — but shielding civilians who are trying to stage a peaceful revolution? That can't be wrong.
Maybe not smart, but we'll soon see.

jus_wonderin March 28, 2011 at 11:29 am

It is less filling.

Weenus299 March 28, 2011 at 11:29 am

What made him think a speech to the nation would make it all better? The last one, about that oil thing that never got resolved prettily, bombed and made us all hate his guts and hate gasoline so much that we had to burn it incessantly, 24 hours a day, pretty much like we've been doing in the 110 years leading up to the BP/Halliburton/Transocean disaster.

This is good news for Fukujima, I guess.

philpjfry March 28, 2011 at 11:32 am

Sometimes it just don't pay to get out of bed

jus_wonderin March 28, 2011 at 11:37 am

They usually leave a 20 on the nightstand for me. That's enough for smokes and a fifth of vodka.

Pragmatist2 March 28, 2011 at 11:35 am

He will also declare an end to hostilities in the Seminoles Wars just to reduce the War Balance Sheet a bit.

NewYorkJew March 28, 2011 at 11:36 am

Great re-election slogans, Jack … Hoping Obama takes heed.

Here's one focused on domestic policy, usable by Democrats at all levels in 2012 (thinking, e.g., of the Cuomo budget "deal"):

"Government of the people, by the millionaires, for the millionaires!"

Asa_Hawks March 28, 2011 at 11:40 am

Hi Barry, I have a few quick questions:

1. What is the point?
2. How long is this going to be?
3. Why ?

Thanks.

WhatTheHeck March 28, 2011 at 11:46 am

Pull out Barry. Pull out.
Oh, the war? Never mind.

DahBoner March 28, 2011 at 11:50 am

Don't let the smoking bong become a bag of mushrooms!

Man.

Guppy06 March 28, 2011 at 11:52 am

Syria bordering Israel also helps.

BarackMyWorld March 28, 2011 at 12:04 pm

With all this bombing, I might need to change my username to BarackYOURworld.

BarackMyWorld March 28, 2011 at 12:15 pm

I'm not sure if I just got downfisted because our troll is back, or because the joke itself was actually pretty weak.

GOPCrusher March 28, 2011 at 1:28 pm

The fact that you admit that there is a problem, is the first step to recovery.

Come here a minute March 28, 2011 at 12:11 pm

The administration's ladies nagged him into giving this speech.

DownFist Troll March 28, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Well, glad that's over. Now it's just another "not a war" war i can drown out with nascar.

BlueStateLibel March 28, 2011 at 12:41 pm

He will also announce that from now on, he's going to be taking lots of vacations at his brush-clearing ranch in Texas, that he choked on some pretzels yesterday, and that in fact, he is the missing Bush fetus all grown up.

SkinnyNerd March 28, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Not just Syria, don't forget our good "friends" in Bahrain.

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