flotus files

Like All 1950s White First Ladies, Michelle Only Writes Lady Things

That's MRS. Flotus to you...FLOTUS fans, rejoice! Michelle Obama is writing a book. It is coming out sometime in spring 2012, which might be helpful if Mister FLOTUS is going to try to keep his job, because how many wars will we be fighting at that point? Anyway, Michelle Obama’s book is going to be all about the White House garden, other gardens, and healthy eating. Proceeds from the book will go to charity — probably a “charity” that gives treadmills to impoverished children. Unfortunately, our FLOTUS doesn’t seem to realize that this book is basically giving the middle finger to suffrage and the women’s movement and all of that because gardening is sexist. Of course.

Our FLOTUS has used her White House garden as a way of sharing her anti-obesity initiative with American children and adults. But writing a book about it is just wrong, according to some lady from a parenting blog called The Stir.

Wait, that’s … it? We have a First Lady who graduated from Harvard, and all you’ll let her write about is the White House garden? Paging 1950, you can have your first lady back. We’d prefer our version be allowed to tackle something a little more meaty.

It’s important to remember that someone is “letting” pre-Civil Rights first lady Michelle Obama write this book, because as a society we are way past gardening, but Michelle Obama coming up with her own ideas would be absolutely ludicrous.

I’d like to think that the strong woman who swept into the White House would instead focus on something grander. Like Let’s Move, the program that has turned the war on childhood obesity on its head, thanks to Mrs. Obama’s hard work? It was, after all, her creation. Or perhaps a tome on what it’s like to be black in America, written by the wife of the first black president? Even a memoir on what it’s like to give up one’s job for your spouse and still make an impact on society would do for feminists’ sakes.

Yes, maybe Michelle Obama should write about the Let’s Move! campaign. Isn’t that the thing where she encourages children to exercise and eat healthy food — say, food you would grow in a garden, outside, using movement? Or she could write about being black. After all, as this article points out, Michelle Obama graduated from Harvard and Princeton, so it’s still very important that she remind everyone of her race at all times. For feminism. [The Stir]

Blair Burke (blairelinor@gmail.com) obsessively follows Michelle Obama’s every move for “The FLOTUS Files,” which appears every Monday here at your Wonkette.

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About the author

Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

View all articles by Blair Burke

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68 comments

    1. Sophist [غني عن ذلك]

      Black babies that came out of a Harvard-certified, Princeton-approved uterus that still makes an impact on society?

      1. BarackMyWorld

        I can see it now.

        Palin to Michelle Obama: "You don't know nuthin' 'bout birthin' no babies!"

        1. Chet Kincaid

          There should be some kind of Law like Godwin's about the average number of comments in a thread about a post concerning a black woman before that goddamned quote comes up. You have set the benchmark as 4-deep.

    2. chicken_thief

      Babies don't count. Only retarded babies count. Preferably birthed after flying around for half a day.

  1. PsycWench

    Or perhaps a tome on what it’s like to be black in America, written by the wife of the first black president? Even a memoir on what it’s like to give up one’s job for your spouse and still make an impact on society would do for feminists’ sakes.
    Yes, by all means, write something that the teabaggers can quote-mine for information and can post on Facebook sans context so they can have a circle jerk of righteous indignation.

    1. DaRooster

      You must not forget that they are PATRIOTS and would be for the country and the President… no matter who it is.

      1. genxr

        I'm sure her choice of vegetables will reveal her deap-seated hatred of white people, and a chalkboard will draw a direct line between kumquats and the rise of communism.

    1. poncho_pilot

      but i thought she was against meaty children? she should write a cookbook. maybe with a title like, Helping People Lose Weight? too long? what about To Serve Man? i think that's a winner.

  2. PublicLuxury

    Maybe our beautiful FLOTUS could write about black gardners at Harvard? I think that would level the field

  3. PublicLuxury

    I like to garden. It takes bending and carrying and kneeling and pulling… Oh gawd, gardening makes me hawt.

  4. Mahousu

    … tackle something a little more meaty.
    Fine, her next book will be about running your own slaughterhouse.

  5. jus_wonderin

    "I’d like to think that the strong woman who swept into the White House would instead focus on something grander."

    Swept? That is womans work Michelle.

  6. OC_Surf_Serf

    Wait…also on The Stir: "Can't Lose Weight? Convert to a Skinnier Religion "

    'nuff said.

  7. Sophist [غني عن ذلك]

    Hey, didn't we used to wait for someone to actually finish something before complaining that they should write a memoir about it?

  8. DaRooster

    "We’d prefer our version be allowed to tackle something a little more meaty."

    1. Like ME? Yippee!

    2. Too much meat isn't healthy.

  9. ShiftyParadigm

    I, for one, am looking forward to where she comes down on the vine-ripened vs. picked pink tomato controversy.

  10. Frost/Nixon/Robocop

    How long before Rush Limbaugh accuses our FLOTUS of using the book proceeds to buy ribs, fried chicken, collard greens, barbecue potato chips, and kool aid? How long will he be able to think about those foods without getting a tiny erection?

    1. ChessieNefercat

      Who knows? Today the bloated gasbag was chatting with a call-in fellow racist about how awful FLOTUS looks in yellow and how odd her shape is.

  11. elviouslyqueer

    We’d prefer our version be allowed to tackle something a little more meaty.

    If by "meaty" The Stir is referring to Haley Barbour, then Michelle's going to need the entire front line of the Packers, the Steelers, and the Redskins. Plus a backhoe, also.

  12. ttommyunger

    I think she should write a book about getting horse-fucked in the Lincoln Bedroom by a black man. That would be a first, except for that one dalliance that Nancy had with Sammy Davis, Jr.

  13. Weenus299

    "How to keep a fertile organic garden that keeps your family happy and healthy, and Rush Limbaugh can suck on his own fucking fat nipples."

  14. OkieDokieDog

    While I do appreciate her efforts towards curtailing child-hood obesity, (lord knows we have more than enough fat assed Americans) and showing that home grown vegetables are way better than that crap in grocery stores, I gotta say – wish she'd speak out against The WAR on Women. Planned Parenthood has taken a beating by the religious zealots and needs all the help they can get. Mrs. Obama is (I think) strong enough to bitch slap those bastards down.

    Or she could just read The Pokey Puppy books to illiterate illegal anchor babies like Laura Bush.

    1. Fare la Volpe

      Illiterate illegal anchor babies
      like Laura Bush

      That's not true. Laura was very literate.

      1. OkieDokieDog

        lol Ya got me on the bad sentence structure. I've read too many teabaggie signs and blog posts, so noaw Ah dun forgetz propper Engrish.

  15. mourningnmerica

    Another similarity is that Mamie Eisenhower did have the most junk in the trunk of any first lady until Michelle. Also.

  16. Weenus299

    Maybe it'll be a book about gardening that isn't about gardening? Like Trout Fishing in America. I think she knows a little bit about subversion.

    1. V572 [REDACTED]

      Will it contain a reappearance by legless-bum-on-a-cart Trout Fishing in America Shorty?

  17. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Not all first lady books are boring. Why is it everyone forgets Mamie Eisenhower's stunning retelling of the Lolita story from the point of view of the girl, L?

    Or Nancy Reagan's Sucking Your Way to the Top?

  18. freakishlywrong

    By "Let's Move", does she mean out of this obscenely ridiculous right wing theocracy that U.s. of America has become?

  19. Callyson

    We have a First Lady who graduated from Harvard, and all you’ll let her write about is the White House garden?
    Well, she could surprise us…after all, do we really know just what crops are growing there? "Michelle's Medical Marijuana" has a nice sound to it…

  20. LiveToServeYa

    Fine: "The Gardening Manifesto" or how the history of gardening is one of class struggle between species by M. Obama.

  21. DaSandman

    Her next topic will be "Pussy Shaving in America" The cover will be a picture of a shorn cat.

  22. hagajim

    Maybe she could write a book about how frustrated she gets every time Barak caves in when they have an argument….like he caves on everything else.

    1. genxr

      "You want to watch a chick flick every night. I only want to watch a chick flick once a week. So we'll compromise, by watching a chick flick every night and then another on weekends. Damn I'm good."

  23. Sassomatic

    A real feminist black president would write about her lady parts. America doesn't even know if she mows the lawn.

  24. Come here a minute

    You would think they'd be satisfied by Michelle's writing about getting a share of the crop she is growing on someone else's land.

  25. chicken_thief

    The war on obesity has been turned on its head? So that's why my grandsons have been asking for fruit wedges for dessert instead of the chocolate chip w/M&M's cookies they are usually jonesing for.

  26. Fare la Volpe

    Uh oh, you guys. Downfisty has a bee in her bonnet today.

    And by bonnet I of course mean cooch.

  27. DownFist Troll

    She's attacking my rights! I'll show you gubmint! ima eat me a bag of Doritos and drink some mayonnaise with vodka.

    For Liberty!

  28. lochnessmonster

    Limpboy says she shouldn't wear yellow or bare her arms. This person criticizes her book subject which may actually help someone. Not everyone knows all about gardening like the elitist blogger. Seems they'd like the FLOTUS to just stay in the WH with all the curtains drawn until the whole thing is over in 2016.

Comments are closed.