As governor of Minnesota, Tim Pawlenty did something highly suspect: He promoted minority homeownership. “But owning your home is a white-people thing,” you say. “Because that’s how things were in the house I grew up in, back in the 1950s, where my dad beat my mother until every inch of her was bruised and then tended to his collection of murdered immigrants in the basement.” Yes, but Tim Pawlenty hates your America. And he even let MUSLIMS own homes, allowing a company to provide mortgages to Muslims that were structured so as to avoid charging interest, which many Muslims view as a violation of their religion. Thankfully for Pawlenty’s presidential hopes, however, he shut down this company as soon as he heard it was Muslim, and that is the reason why you weren’t forced to pray to SHARIA this morning and put SHARIA in your oatmeal and make sure your SHARIA made it to their school bus on time.
“This program was independently set up by the Minnesota state housing agency and did not make any mention Sharia Law on its face, but was later described as accommodating it,” the spokesman, Alex Conant, said. “As soon as Gov. Pawlenty became aware of the issue, he personally ordered it shut it down. Fortunately, only about three people actually used the program before it was terminated at the Governor’s direction.”
Yes, how dare we let something in our country not violate Sharia? We should each spend at least five hours a day slaughtering pigs in a VERY non-halal manner and gambling and drinking alcohol and refusing to let children of divorced parents stay with their mother if they are still weaning. TAKE THAT, SHARIA!
Fortunately, only three Muslims were using this mortgage company when Pawlenty went Crusades on its ass, so the Sharia wasn’t able to turn Minnesota too evil/brown. We can only hope that those three people were thrown out of their homes and have left this hostile country in anger, because creating angry Muslim foreigners is exactly what America needs. Terrorism brings us together! [Ben Smith]
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Not even a Muslim would buy a cheap house in Albert Lea.
What do you mean, "We should each spend at least five hours a day slaughtering pigs in a VERY non-halal manner and gambling and drinking alcohol." Don't Americuns do that already?
Mostly….but I thinkt he 'Merikans are the pigs in this case.
Dear T-Paw,
I was hoping you could help me make sure I'm violating sharia when I prepare breakfast for my kids. Do I have to add crabmeat to their Cherios, or are the less-expensive and more-conveniently packaged bacon bits haram enough? (I can't use alcohol, BTW. my kids think it's yucky and won't take it).
Thanks,
Caveman
If your kids think alcohol is yucky, you're not beating them enough.
Crab is halal. If using bacon bits, make sure not to use Bac~Os, which I believe might actually be vegan.
Crab is halal? Heh. I always assumed the Muslims thought the bottomfeeding scavengers were icky and avoided them. (Well, apart from their own mullahs, of course. They'd have a hard time avoiding them.)
If I can recall my Mooslamic training, there is the occasional Muslim who won't eat shellfish – the hadith that deals with seafood is something like "All that swims in the sea is fit for you." But then some Muslims were, all, "He said SWIMS, not WALKS or SITS QUIETLY ON A ROCK." Anyway, I've only met a couple of Muslims who wouldn't eat shellfish, but they also (and I am not kidding) believed that the Prophet never laughed, so they stopped laughing.
Pro-tip: halal is much less restrictive than kosher. Keep it free from booze, pig, and anything killed without saying a little prayer in the direction of Mecca, and Muslims can chow down on what they like.
Not only killing the pigs, but then frying them up and swalling it down with plenty of mayo and beer.
Mayo? Don't you mean Miracle Whip?
Miracle Whip? Don't you mean Baconnaise?
With a side of Ranch
I totally fucking googled Baconnaise and now it's logged in my search history for life.
However, maybe I should keep some on the side, to ward off potentially offending muslims. Like offering coffee to door-to-door mormons.
Probably shifts at the packing plant are more like 8 hours. Drink after work, those knives are dangerous.
So Muslims keep re-electing Bachmann? Bye T-Paw….this ought to sink your snoozy ship before it ever leaves Port.
Pawlenty explained, "We intended the program to help people, not Muslims."
Don't forget how when the scary witch at a McWeathervane pep rally shared her opinion that Obama was Arab, the old one shook his head and took back his mic and said, 'Naw, he's a decent family man. …'
But his nickname is T-Paw. That's just too awesome not to vote for him! Plus he seems just so nice (to white people like me).
T-Paw 2012!!!
It reminds me of that old Knack song….ma ma ma my Sharia……
Sharia don't like it…
Rock the casbah, rock the casbah
FTW!
Sha-a-a-a-Ria, bayaybe.
And the HITS keep on comin'……..
Impeach Obama! He was supposed to keep us safe from sharia cooties and he failed! First successful Muslim attack on the US since 9/11! Now he's destroyed Dubya's perfect record of national security! I don't recognize my country anymore!
Is that you, dad?
Fox News Islamic overlord and owner Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal is not amused.
There's no bigot like a skinny, pussyfart bigot. They are the best.
Haley Barbour protests this.
He prolly does think he's skinny…and smart, and handsome.
That kind of public display of bigotry will fuel the momen-tim (TM Extemporaneous) in the GOP primary.
"We should each spend at least five hours a day slaughtering pigs in a VERY non-halal manner and gambling and drinking alcohol"
I do that everyday.
Edit: Oy html quoty no worky
less-than symbol, blockquote, greater than symbol . . .
and that's how you do the Wonkette HTML quote dance!
Curses, it's too late to edit. But thank you good sir, and upfist for thee.
So Mooslamist Infidels need not apply then?
No better way to show you're a badass than to smack around the tiniest constituency in the state. Real Presidential timber!
Really more of a typical republican "bad ass" really tough when you outnumber the other guys or are bigger, but when it gets to a real fight they are nowhere to be found. ( See great republicans who fought in Viet Nam).
They're still beatin' up on injuns on Faux Noise. Injuns!
Well, there's always the little people. I'm sure he found a program that benefits them and whacked that, too.
You mean midgets or leprechauns?
Just when I was thinking the GOP field would be nothing but shrieking, pandering, vapid idiots, along comes Pawlenty. Prosecution rests.
Pawlenty (R-Pandering to Bigotry).
T-Paw pickin' up some SPAM and Hobo beans at the local Quiki Mart for lunch like a good American't afford anything else to eat.
Nom nom nom. You da man, TeePaw! Keep it reelz, dawg!
Spam tastes great when served with a nice bottle of Sharia.
Pawlenty prevented the good citizens of Minnesota from having to stone their daughters, which I assume is the Muslim alternative to paying interest on your home loan.
the christians just won't let anyone in on their action. they want a monopoly on stoning.
And on usury.
This Republicans crying Sharia shit is all about their weak weak will and how they just know that once they get a deep deep breath of beating people in the street for minor God infractions they will join that party so hard, but will then have to hate themselves more than they already do.
They will hate fuck themselves to death.
When I imagine the terror of sharia law, I shutter to think of all the poor Afghani women, forced not to pay interest on outstanding loans. Thanks T-Paw for nipping this one in the bud.
Heh. Time to call US Bank and tell them I'm a Muzzie, ergo their 4.25% on my mortgage payments are no longer valid and need to be refunded ASAP.
I'm Rasta, man. Jah say, no points on closing.
WHEN WILL BREETBART INVESTIGATE THIS RACISM WITH THE VIDEO CLIPS
The only way to save this country is to force all non-Christians to violate their religious beliefs. Until the Amish are forced to watch internet porn on their iPhones all day, no one is safe.
Is that Halal approved Spam?
No. It's actually being tampered with before being sent to noted SPAM aficionado & alleged Hawai'ian Barack Hussein Obama.
What the fuck is Sharia Law anyway? Do these douche bags even know because I don't. I'm pretty sure Sharia Law doesn't state that people HAVE to explode themselves. And if it oppresses women and children you'd think all this Rethuglicans would be all up for it.
Sharia Law is a Tyler Perry character: a take-no-guff, six-foot-four, three-hundred-pound African-American Muslim single mother who knows what she deserves and will do everything within the law to get it in this white man's world.
So you can see why Pawlenty's hand was forced.
dude, you know they have no fucking clue nor would they spend the time reading (gasp) up on it. and like every other major world religion, there are probably a thousand different interpretations. but what should evident to any of the protestants (being that's why the split off of the catholic church) will be lost on most of them. they don't really care–they seem to think all muslims are just brown robots who occasionally blow up because they "hate our freedom".
Dude, not knowing what something IS shouldn't dissuade you from hating it. If FOX says it's bad, it's BAD. (With the exception of "spring break." They say that's bad, but the T&A footage they provide to illustrate their point makes me think they don't really believe it. "Oh, my, a wet T-shirt contest. How evil! Let's look at that again. Back to you, Todd, for additional footage of that shameful display by drunken college girls.")
It's an academic debate on how to live an ethical life, hence 4 rival schools. It's much the same kind of thing as halakah.
This country will not be safe until all non-Christians are forced to violate their religious beliefs. Until Buddhists are going on mall shooting sprees, we are all doomed.
In defense of T-Paw, if it got around that a community was lending and borrowing without usury, Aaron's Rent-A-Center would be in grave danger. And there's nothing more American than "rent-to-own".
also, clicking through to Adam Serwer's original story would be worth your lazy-ass whiles, not just because it's good for you, but because it's full of gold (teaser: Rick Santorum actually uses the phrase "incompatible with American jurisprudence", like he's Learned Fucking Hand or something).
The old jurisprudential joke was "Quote Learned, follow Gus" – Learned's brother who was not a Scroogian conservative. Still, Learned had a killer name.
(I know I shouldn't have posted that, but it popped into my head.
Is there not a single Republican presidential wannabe who isn't prepared to pander to the bigoted wing of the party?
Oh wait, that's the entire Republican Party nowadays. What was I thinking?
Well, that certainly makes sense, after all, Islam is literally the only religion that condemns usury. I mean, where did they even get that stuff from, anyway? It's like they pulled it out of thin air, or read it in a book that isn't a holy book of two other major religions.
Seriously, let's just continue in this vein, with a few other issues:
Islam condemns gambling. Therefore it's safe to assume that "T-Paw" will green-light a massive expansion of legal gambling, in MN.
Islam condemns gay marriage. So expect "T-Paw" to distinguish himself as a Republican voice for marriage equality. Any day now.
Most Kosher food is more or less considered Halal, as well. Therefore, Tim Pawlenty will personally raze every Kosher butcher in the state. Anything to thwart those Mooslems with their Mooslemic Iraq-law.
No, historically Christians were against usury, too.
Well, yes, that was my point. Sarcasm doesn't always communicate on the internets.
Having triumphed over Sharia law in Minnesota, T-Paw is ready to take on Mooslim Law in England. If we fight them over there…
Good to see the Republicans keeping a keen focus on the economy, and not digressing into nonsense.
It just slays me when I hear that T-Paws biggest problem is that his charisma scores are in the negative. Forget the boring: Just listen to what that drip says and look at what he does. Charisma is his only asset.
a company to provide mortgages to Muslims that were structured so as to avoid charging interest
Sharia law doesn't let you offer someone a ridiculously low teaser interest rate that will adjust upwards after two years to something that will result in foreclosure; meanwhile you can't repackage that shit mortgage into a AAA CDO and sell it to unsuspecting pension funds all the while buying a CDS and taking the short side? Clearly Sharia law is evil; it must be stopped.
No, really – any interest. Muslims get around it by paying "fees" rather than interest. I'm not even sure why they bother, to be honest.
He's a Republican. Being an asshole is the default position.
Yes, you have to select Tools>Options>Not Republican to customize the setting for secular sanity.
Microsoft Turd 2012 beta version?
No interest?! Where do I sign up?
I got no love for T-PAW– he made it his crusade to cut medical care for poor folks, including my terminal and disabled sister-in-law. Not a nice man.
And now he and Jan Brewer are sharing tips on how to expand their practices.
I'm sorry about your sister. Best wishes to her.
T-Paw saved Minnesota from going down a slippery slope; if they accommodated the Muslims here, next thing you know the schools might start offering fish or vegetarian dishes on Fridays to accomodate the Papists, or Jews government workers might be allowd to take off on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.
"next thing you know the schools might start offering fish or vegetarian dishes on Fridays to accomodate the Papists,"
Or the vegetarians!!
Accommodation = Surrender!!!!!!!!!!!111!!
Thank goodness Republicans believe that no one should be able to practice their religion freely. Aren't they always talking about that? How we should prevent religion from being practiced freely?
Quick, bacon needed stat.
Ah, it's OK. Pawlenty is Republican. Anything goes.
Remember way back in 2000, when Dick Cheney claimed he lived in Wyoming and not Texass?
Shit, Teabaggers didn't even so much ask for a copy of his utility bill, much less a birf certificate…
That's the funny part — it's the kind of "interest-free" loan that would make Frank Luntz smile. Other than the name it's just like any other home loan.
Osama bin Ladin put the "O" in the 0.0% loan.
Wow, Tim. Even your bigotry is bland and uninteresting.
Off with his Crusader head! He's so fucking boring and mealy mouthed that no one would notice.
I always laughed when the loan shark just down my street had a big golden cross nailed right above the doorway.
So T-PAW was for Sharia before he was agin'it? Holy Jimmy-Dean-sausage-on-a-stick-wrapped-with-a-chocolate chip-pancake, our Wonkette has found a case of Repug hypocrisy? Whodda thunk???? I'm stunned, just stunned.
Plumpbelia is qwik today, this post wasn't up 60 seconds before it went to 0. Thumbs up for all I say.
Your winnings, Captain.
That's all well and good, but how many guns does he own?
I also find it incredibly amusing that all the faux Christians like TPaw probably believe Jesus was all for usury and outrageous interest rates–that's why he flipped over the money lenders' tables in the temple–their interest rates were too low.
How do muslims get mortgages anyway, when your deed has to be consecrated by drinking the chalice of pigs blood and vodka with your loan officer? Or was that just my bank?
In Tea-Pawt's defense, Minnesota's state capitol is named in honor of apostle-turned-saint Paul, a tentmaker who didn't offer interest free mortgages to Muslims, either.
Sorry, Jack. I know you tried to punch that story up a bit but whenever I read anything concerning TPaw, I lose my concentration and the next thing you know I'm waking up with my head on the desk and everyone else has gone home for the weekend.
I know what you [clunk] zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……………………
Oh yes, the GOP primaries are, indeed, going to be a cesspool of lies, stupidity, incoherence, bigotry and full-tilt motherfucking crazy.
I hope my liver will hold up until November 2012, b/c I definitely don't want to miss this.
Oh, fuck this asshole. It's Friday…time for Sangria Law!
I still have some work to do, so make mine a Sharia Temple.
Im w wAy ahed of uuuu ..
Ha! MOOSelamists! A+
Hell, Madoff is orthodox, and it didn't stop him from defrauding plenty of people, including fellow Jews (something singled out as particularly bad in Judaism- this actually factors into why a number of his clients trusted him in the first place, and why they responded with a particularly profound sense of betrayal). Just because the rules are there doesn't mean everyone follows them, and the difference between "Christians" and Christians has certainly been discussed to death, by me, at this point. It really doesn't matter if you're talking drunkenness, gambling, accumulating wealth and explotating of the needy, or childrape, you're going to find more people who call themselves Christian than you are people who pay attention to what that's supposed to actually mean.
Still, my main point was that even if there's fewer Christians and Jews who pay attention to those rules, they still exist for Christianity and Judaism as well, meaning that shutting down an accommodation like this to fuck over devout Muslims in particular is unmitigated dumbassery, the abject bigotry involved notwithstanding.
Are you suggesting that T-paw is a hypocrite? *gasp*!
I think the Pawlenty campaign has a theme song, its catchy and easy to remember. Spam Spam Spam Spam, Spam Spam Spam Spam, Combine that with a goose step march and I think we have a winner.
The Bible condemns usury in no uncertain terms.
In the Book of Exodus God says "if you lend money to my people, to the poor among you. you shall not exact interest from them" (22: 25). The fifteenth Psalm says that those who lend at interest may not abide in the Lord's tent or dwell on his holy hill (1-5).
Ezekiel compares usury to adultery, robbery, idolatry, and bribery, and asks whether he who "takes advanced or accrued interest; shall he then live? He shall not. He. shall surely die; his blood shall be upon him."
Why is T-Paw against the word of god?
♫♪♩Ooh my little hijab'd one, hijab'd one.
When you gonna give me some time, Sharia?
Ooh you make racism fun, my racism fun.
Gun it comin' off the line Sharia!
Never gonna stop, give it up.
Such a tight-shut mind. Always get it up when I
Persecute the muslin-kind. Ai-ai-ai i yi woo!
M M M My Sharia…♫♪♩
as shitty as a person as Pawlenty is willing to be, it won't matter. he's probably equally as boring as Kerry, Gore, and Dukakis were. they want the crazy, and Pawlenty won't be able to deliver the goods. if he won the primary i'd be really shocked.
His teenagers have to get pregnant, too. Proudly pregnant. And monetize their premature parenting. Gah.
Try to think of the frequently naked hot Vulcan chick from Enterprise instead.
I just bought a John Deere Gator with a 36 month no interest loan. Do I have to pray five times a day now?
It's been Sharia Law for US corporations for some time now.
Terrorism may bring us together but love will keep us together.
I think of T'Pau. You know, Give A Little Bit of Heart and Soul.
No Interest should be his campaign slogan.
Well, to be fair, he did outlaw kosher pickles.
As far as I can figure out, most pickles would be kosher anyway- except at Passover- and then there are special laws(believe me, I know). So don't go buying bottles of "kosher pickles" thinking you can eat them during Passover. Okay, no one cares, I'm done.
that could just mean he's trying out for a John Waters' movie.
Ah said, Ah said, ah ain't gonna let them mahnority varmints git no low interest loan!
Them mahnority's like ah prairie dawg. Them's cute 'n all, and mah wahf sure do love on them, but they can ruin a whole ru-I said I said-ruburban cahmunnity in ah instant! Not on mah watch! Not in mah state!
Where do we sign up for the religion that combines the drinking and pork bbq with banks not being allowed to charge exorbitant interest?
Tell ya what, I'd be willing to take a chance on getting my hand cut off for shoplifiting an apple or something if I could get my house re-financed at 0 percent interest. I'd have that fucker paid off in 1/3 the time…
"… went Crusades on its ass."
Jack, you da infidel.
It amazes me that these people aspire to national offices and they do idiotic things like this. Have they never heard of the internets, yootoobes etc? Worse than that, people actually VOTE for them!
Totes, DB.
Members of Wonkette, in light of recent facts about Muslims I've been hearing from Fox, I'm sad to announce that the Gyro House restaurant I go to on occasion serves halal meat. I'm afraid I'm now a Muslim and I don't think I'll never know when I started to become one :(
So T-paw closed this sweetheart deal mortgage scheme, thus protecting Mooselemers from buying homes they couldn't afford while white Americans had to suffer through the housing crisis.Another win for the Taliban.
The state buys the home for the market price and then sells it to the buyer for the market price plus the total interest. Thus, the actual loan that the buyer is paying is all principal, technically.
I am so worried about the brown. I look into my closet everyday and make sure there are no brown people, brown shoes, brown sweaters, brown shirts, brown jeans, brown socks, brown underoos, brown lingerie, brown carpet, brown rugs, brown wall hangings, brown wood, brown table, brown chairs, brown automobiles, brown dirt, brown leaves, brown pets, brown items floating in the toilet, it just goes on and on. I work all day and evening on the problem. I go to bed exhausted. Do you know what I found in our bed? A brown pubic hair from my husband. Then I looked and he had brown hair on his chest, arms and legs. I ran screaming from our house.
The people here are really nice; but they only wear white and everything else is white too, so I feel better.
It's funny how unfunny that is. I'd forgotten that Muslims have just as many obtuse, contradictory, and perverse rules and peccadilloes as the various Christian sects.
I wonder how the Flying Spaghetti Monster feels about clam sauce?
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