bloody blood bloods

British Sharia Protestors Giving American Bigots Run For Their Money

Muslim, muslamic law, from Iraq, you know. Muslamic ray-guns? We’re not quite sure what this bloke is saying (something about the metric system and putting blood in their pudding cups?), but we know these guys are better than our bigots. When’s the last time you saw a mosk protest in the United States? Back in the summer before all the teevee shows returned for the fall schedule! Our shriveled-up old bigots are too lazy to protect us from Sharia. And just look at that video! You can fit a lot more bigots into your rally thing when you’re not all in scooters!

But not so fast! The English Defence League has this to say about gay rights on its website, which includes FLASH ANIMATION, the work of the librul elite:

Judging from what has been written in the article it would appear that Gay Pride is putting the doctrine of political correctness before standing up for gay people who have been on the receiving end of Islam inspired aggression and persecution. Its willingness to back down in the face of this aggression does not indicate ‘pride’ at all. It is basically saying that respect for the Islamic religion effectively trumps basic human rights in general and gay rights in particular. In the absence of a credible opposition to Islamic homophobia perhaps the EDL should stand up to oppose the persecution of gay people in the East End directly and take to the streets itself?

Yes, the EDL even has a photo of an English flag with a rainbow on it in that post. Nice try, you redcoat scum! You attempt to lure the Teabaggers into joining you with your fight against Sharia, but you’re just another secret gay conspiracy! The founding fathers knew exactly what they (Mel Gibson in The Patriot) were doing when they bayonetted you! Our bigots will continue to hate BOTH mosks and fagets with the same strength. It’s called “equality.” [YouTube/EDL]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef
What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


    1. Sophist [غني عن ذلك]

      Wondering which of the buggars to blame
      And watching for pigs on the wing.

  1. baconzgood

    We can't allow a racist gap. C'mon Alabama and Tex-Ass start pulling your weight. AZ and KY can't do it ALL.

  2. aguacatero

    They look like people who were denied employment as soccer hooligans for being too boorish and stupid.

  3. freakishlywrong

    Why do all these idiots sound like drunken retards? He sounds like one of Chuckles Grassley's tweets.

    1. SorosBot

      It's logic; if all Brits are drunks, and all teabaggers are retards, then all British teabaggers are drunk retards.

    2. Swampgas_Man

      Proving once again there's only about an eighth of a vowel between BBC newsreaders and those sheep-botherers in Suffolk or somegoddamnwhere.

  4. Lascauxcaveman

    Hahaha. I can't understand a word he's saying. Might as well be complaining about how poorly his side did at the football match.

    Also, Limey Lizzie or other Brit commenters here, I'm told different neighbourhoods of London have different accents that set them apart from each other as much as a Mainer's manner of speaking sets him apart from a Texan. Can you place this guy?

    1. Limeylizzie

      'ello Mate! I think he is from the North, not London or even close, possibly the Midlands.

    2. Limeylizzie

      I listened to it again and I believe it is from the Bolton EDL rally, which puts it outside Manchester in the North West of England.

          1. Limeylizzie

            Well, in that it is poorer, more working-class and the seat of government is miles away, I suppose that could be said, but it is very industrial.

          2. Jim89048

            But what was he saying? Aside from "muslamic" and "that's why all these people are here", I couldn't understand a fecking thing he was saying.

          3. doloras

            Basically what he was trying to say was NO SHARIA, but he was too drunk or stupid to remember the precise order the syllables went in.

    3. elviouslyqueer

      Wait. You mean he wasn't? I figured all that talk about Muslamic infeedels was just slang for those wankers on Majesty United.

    4. natoslug

      I'm not a Brit, but I think I can can narrow down his accent to Upper Retardshire. Boy needs to stop huffing so much paint.

    5. comrad_darkness

      I'm sadly disappointed in myself then. I caught every word. Come on, he repeated himself three times at least with every phrase. It was like a bad opera without the tune.

    1. V572 [REDACTED]

      Yet another thing the founders got wrong. On the plus side, we were spared the Kissinger and Schwarzenegger candidacies.

    1. doloras

      I THINK he was saying "Islamic rape camp", what with him going onto "15 year olds being raped" after that.

      1. V572 [REDACTED]

        Never understood why Teh Ladiez go all moist for these Cockney (if that's what it is) accents. There's a big difference between these guys and Hugh Grant.

        1. WriteyWriterton

          Grant's all twitchy, too. Upper-middle-class-twit-twitchy. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

  5. JackDempsey1

    Print out the text of that guy's statement, laminate it and glue it onto a camper, and you got yourself a mobile Magna Carta.

      1. Swampgas_Man

        Problem is, most of us wouldn't understand Le Pen whatever brand of French they spoke.

        1. Negropolis

          His daughter is even more a slimbeall than he is because she should really know better. And, to think, these political parties are, whether they be in the Netherlands, England, or France, are increasingly getting very close to being major coalition parties in governnment…

  6. Come here a minute

    The line, right, where he says "want Britain to be about British", yeah, it was so good he had to say it twice.

  7. SayItWithWookies

    I wonder what the Picts would have to say about these thieving Celts trying to claim England as their own.

  8. mavenmaven

    How times have changed. There was a time when stupid violent wanking british punks at least made good music (well, one summer, anyway, 1977). Now they are just stupid shite.

    1. DahBoner

      Seriously, there ain't been nothing but gay, faggy nightclub music coming out of Britain for decades now…

      1. WriteyWriterton

        This is my opportunity to insert my "The Clash were poseurs!" observation and get certain people angry at me again.

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      The Sex Pistols? Well, loud, fun and exciting music, anyway. But I wouldn't exactly call it 'good.' They certainly didn't.

    1. elviouslyqueer

      I'm sorry, what? I couldn't hear her ramblings over the sound of those two rubber bands straining against those impossibly fake tits.

  9. jus_wonderin

    My Sharia Amour, lovely as a summer's day
    My Sharia Amour, distant as the Milky Way
    My Sharia Amour, pretty little one that I adore
    You're the only girl my heart beats for
    How I wish that you were mine

    Seriously though, thank you Brits for taking a bit of the heat off our crackpots.

  10. Limeylizzie

    When I was a skinhead, back in my early teens, it was all about the reggae music, you could even be a black skinhead no problem, times have changed.

      1. Limeylizzie

        This was in the 70s. We didn't do disco , I went straight from Skinhead to Punk in about a year.

          1. Limeylizzie

            Well, London has had more of an immigrant population for longer, so the National Front was recruiting in the late 70s and 80s and Thatcher was always pushing anti-immigtation policies so the two were a match made in heaven.

          2. WriteyWriterton

            A cricket match? One of the three-day kind? With the watercress sandwiches and everyone dressed in white and gin everywhere? Count me in! If not, feck it.

    1. WriteyWriterton

      Well, yes, they did. They fired their coach, hired Jean Marie LePen, and bought the contracts of a bunch of morans from the French National(ist) team

  11. baconzgood

    Troll? Are you trying to take my 110 pee? Show yourself! Or are you a scared for us to see how small your pee is?

  12. harry_palmer

    I guess it was inevitable they'd miss a few when they shipped out their undesirables on the Mayflower or transported them to Australia.

    1. poncho_pilot

      eh. Sid still needed his girlfriend to kill him. maybe if we splice in some Ian Curtis.

        1. poncho_pilot

          my apologies, you are correct. i think i just wanted to make fun of Joy Division and jumped the gun.

  13. Limeylizzie

    There is a large Asian/Indian/Pakistani immigrant and second generation population in Bolton and the surrounding area and it used to be a big coal mining area until Thatcher broke the mining unions and the mines closed , so there is an angry, unemployed white population that is becoming increasingly racist. My mother grew up in Burnley, about 20 miles away from where this rally took place, and we spent all our Summer holidays there, it used to be a gritty, working-class, mill town typical Industrial Revolution stuff, but it was always a great place. Used to have a great football team as well.

    1. elviouslyqueer

      Other than the part about your holidays, this sounds like a travel brochure for Wisconsin.

    1. WriteyWriterton

      The Sheriff or Elviously might be best positioned (hee-hee) to answer your question.

  14. Gopherit

    Christ. First we get our teabaggers and now the English are developing these modern day redcoat-chavs. Maybe we can stage Revolutionary War II in Lexington and Concord up in New Hampshire and kill two flocks of birds with one stone……and a lot of explode-y things.

  15. Beowoof

    I do believe those Arabs did invent that damn algebra, (al-jabr). First they made his life miserable with math and now they want to finish him off with Sharia.

    1. comrad_darkness

      Please, "maths". Don't ask my why anyone would pluralize an abbreviation, but there you go.

  16. DahBoner

    Offtopic, but have you ever noticed how Salespeople are living the American Dream?

    They say in sales, you can make as much money as you want to make!


    What's the best way to get into sales?

    Should I send in that coupon from the back of the comic book and get started selling "<>True Grit" and living the American Dream?

    How about Real Estate?

    God don't make no more dirt…

  17. BornInATrailer

    You know how everything sounds either a little bit cuter or a little bit smarter in an English accent? This would be the exception that proves the rule.

    EDIT: Also, that is one right dumb cunt.

  18. fuflans

    today is my birthday and this post and the Camper of Truth have pretty much made it.

    thank you wonkette.

    1. harry_palmer

      These are the kinds of gifts you can cherish for a long time, too, cuz the stupid and racist and violent we'll always have with us.

    2. comrad_darkness

      cheers to you

      or as the gentleman in the video might say "Awfckin blighter drink yer bloodybear elsthfth well, yust drink upwhat??"

  19. owhatever

    Excellent. A fresh spokesman to headline Tea Party rallies this summer in the colonies. He shares the dream and is more well-spoken than most of last year's crop, "Mooslamic Law" is spin genius, and will go over large with the Foxies..

  20. fuflans

    also, i'm totally using this as an audition piece (contemporary comedic, dialect of your choosing).

  21. GuanoFaucet

    Maybe if someone took these skinheads bowling, they wouldn't be such fucktards. Nazi punks fuck off, also.

  22. DahBoner

    The same thing once happened to me.

    I remember mistaking an old woman for a trout stream in Vermont, and I had to beg her pardon.

    "Excuse me, " I said. "I thought you were a trout stream. "

    "I'm not, " she said.

    I was really drunk at the time…

  23. SorosBot

    On behalf of my fellow Americans, I want to apologize for exporting teabagging to the rest of the English-speaking world. We've also exported it to Australia, where there remarks towards the woman Prime Minister show what our teabaggers would have been like if Clinton had won instead of Obama:

    "Standing in front of a banner that read "JuLIAR, Bob Brown's Bitch", Tony Abbott's speech was punctuated by chants of "ditch the bitch" and "liar, liar"."

  24. Beowoof

    EDL is clearly recruiting by buying beer at the pub and then bringing them out to the demonstration.

  25. natoslug

    What a sad, pathetic excuse for teabaggery. Not a hoverround in sight. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG, MUMBLY BRITISH GUY!!!

  26. comrad_darkness

    Just looking at these people. How many illegitimate heirs did the Prince of Wales sire again?

  27. comrad_darkness

    Well, I'll give him credit, he's got all the same specifics as a teabagger when actually requested to give them up.

  28. Guppy06

    At first, I thought Braveheart and The Patriot were all about Mel Gibson's secret fantasies of killing the English.

    Then I learned that the English were just metaphorical stand-ins for the Jews.

  29. Guppy06

    Actually, the question we should be asking ourselves is "Why can't the Log Cabin Republicans have the self-respect and testicular fortitude these Limeys have?"

  30. imissopus

    I like that the British media will actually call these guys out for their inarticulate, incoherent rage, whereas the American media covering Teabagger rallies will say that both sides make good points and should be given equal consideration. No, idiots, no they should not.

  31. __kth__

    Actually they are all on scooters too, only Vespas and Lambrettas. So they've got that twee bigot niche covered.

  32. glamourdammerung

    They are not as obese and not too lazy to walk on their own, so they do have at least a few good traits compared to our domestic reactionaries.

    1. Negropolis

      They seem to be on the complete opposite of the phyiscal spectrum. Malnourished, undersized, and lacking vitamin D.

      Our Tea Partiers can beat up your nationalist chavs! USA! USA!

  33. comrad_darkness

    Did he say Mooslimic rayguns? or Mooslimic Reagans? Because I'd have to agree that much of the middle east leadership does have that certain cult like, old and doddering thing going on.

    1. mayor_quimby

      Stabbing is just too messy for the US, we prefer shooting sloppily across parking lots, usually hitting random passerby on their way back from bible study, who were the first member of their family to go to college.

  34. YasserArraFeck

    Christ Almighty – I can't decide if the guy's brain-damaged, drunk or rendered incoherent by the apparent lack of all but two teeth, or some sad combination of all three.

  35. magnetite

    Allow me to translate.

    "I would normally be kicking my girlfriend's head in. Or that of a gay man. Or a rival football fan. Or someone from the next village/town/city. Or someone who's a different colour to me. Or anyone who looks at me funny when I'm acting like an arsehole. Today I am marching for the right to be able to think I should get away with kicking muslim heads in as well. I have been told not to swear."

  36. SkinnyNerd

    If that is a well spoken young British lad, I better study up on my British English if I plan on visiting across the pond.

  37. magnetite

    We're weird little insular fucks, we are. It might have been all the invasions, it might have been the vanished Empire but we're a bit xenophobic. That's allowed. We fear the man across the sea. Thing is, once he comes to live in Britain he becomes one of us no matter his creed or colour. If he wants to join us in our national sport of fearing the man across the sea, fair enough. If not, we'll probably just whine when he leaves his mower out as we do everyone else. That's the way it generally is. Sadly there's a streak of full-bore racists from the capital to the coast in every direction and in every walk of life from the Crown to the coal-miner.

    Our Daily Mail hooted "Hurrah for the blackshirts!"
    A Conservative MP, Peter Griffiths, partly campaigned on the slogan "If you want a nigger for a neighbour, vote Liberal or Labour" in a 1964 local election.

    A cheery, related chaser (more for me, they're my idiot countrymen for once): the superb Stewart Lee on "political correctness gone mad"

    1. mayor_quimby

      Holy shit. As "a black", that is an amazingly racist turn of phrase, so direct and to the point, and it fucking rhymed on top of all that.
      Even in 1964 your racists were ahead of American southerners! If George Wallace had run on that openly racist slogan, he might still be president today. I certainly wouldn't be getting my $100K yearly reparation check from the government.

      1. magnetite

        We were getting better though. In some places. In some ways. More inclusive, more multicultural, less hateful. Then the banks fell and the wolves above came back in through the holes in the economy, and will try to turn us against each other again to take our minds off the same destruction of rights and services you're enduring.

  38. Negropolis

    Judging by that accent, I bet he's from the north of England, which would explain a helluva lot by itself. And, judging by the tracksuit, I'm betting this is one of those rare and elusive chavs I keep hearing about. What a bunch of ghoulish apparitions these bastards are. All emaciated and incoherent and Shaun of the Dead-like in movement and speech. If ignorance is bliss, these fuckers are in White English heaven.

    Ignorance knows no national boundary, unfortunately. "Muslamic Law", indeed. Couldn't have said it worse, myself.

    BTW, does the EDL have an outfit up in Northern Ireland? I'd really like to hear them make sense of the Irish. Is this one of those "the enemy of my enemy is my friend"-type deals where the folks they used to hate are now tolerated because they aren't the new enemy?

Comments are closed.