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Look how humble she is even though her art is the greatest thing ever created by mankind!Meghan McCain has long wanted the world to take her thoughts on politics seriously, despite giving them absolutely no reason to do so, so for her latest column, she’s taken a studious look at the 2012 presidential race, and decided it will probably pit the Republican candidate Sarah Palin against a Democratic nominee named Charlie Sheen. WHAT’S THAT? YOU CAN’T STOP LAUGHING AT THE ABSURDITY OF THIS UNLIKELY SCENARIO? That’s precisely what Meghan wants! She has been paid money (we assume) to write out a HUMOROUS SKIT depicting these two individuals at a future debate. Of course, they can’t help but talk about Meghan McCain, considering how important she is to the Politics and the National Conversation and the Issues.

Charlie Sheen: I didn’t quit anything, you clearly have no idea what you are talking about. I elected to win. And if elected president that is what I will continue to do. Winning is my life, Rachel. WINNING! WINNING! [He takes a drag from his cigarette and winks at Maddow in a suggestive way.]

Holy cow! Did Charlie Sheen actually say this? It’s tough to tell, because Meghan McCain is so good at comedy and theater!

Rachel [Maddow]: Sarah, this question is for you. How do you respond to critics who say you are too polarizing for the Republican Party and you could possibly be forfeiting the presidency to actor Charlie Sheen? Political blogger and your former running mate’s daughter Meghan McCain has been one of your most vocal critics.

Sarah: Meghan McCain is nothing more than an irrelevant RINO blogger, everybody knows that.

Charlie: [Takes a long drag from his cigarette.] I invited Meghan on my private campaign bus but she wouldn’t come. Do you think Bristol would be down to hang?

Jack: This fictional work, despite being a stroke of genius, is inaccurate because it’s obvious to all political observers that “political blogger” Meghan McCain will be the nominee of BOTH major political parties in 2012. We’re sorry we’re so mean to you, Meghan! Please continue to lead our country forward with your expert insight into its governance! [Daily Beast]

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  • BeWoot

    Megs has got it all wrong. It's gonna be Michele Bachmann vs. Bobcat Goldthwait.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      My money is that it will come down to Sharon Angle versus a speck of dust she calls Torrance.

    • Crank_Tango

      Come to think of it, we've never actually seen M-Bach and B-Goldthw together, have we?

    • Angry_Marmot

      Change I can believe in.

    • tessiee

      *ahem*
      May I request Victoria Jackson vs. Bobcat Goldthwait?
      Just cause it would be fun to listen to.

  • HistoriCat

    Why is Meghan McCain wasting her time at the Daily Beast? She's finally coming into her own and should jump ship for Wonkette.

    • DownFist Troll

      K, but she's gotta mud-wrestle with Benincasa instead of writing things.

      • BornInATrailer

        I'd buy that for a dollar.

    • Badonkadonkette

      Better hurry, before WaPo snatches her up.

  • OC_تصفح_Serf

    President of Hooters??

    (with a discount from her mommy's beer company)

  • She thinks she's people!

    • Steverino247

      She's Soylent Green?

      • poncho_pilot

        no.

        soylent green is people
        Meghan McCain isn't soylent green
        therefore, Meghan McCain isn't people

  • nounverb911

    Meghan's just jealous because "Dancing with the Stars" wanted Bristol instead of her.

    • Redhead

      The rejection letter from SNL didn't help things either.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Meghan needs to get laid; unfortunately most Republican men aren't interested in chicks.

    • nounverb911

      Can't she borrow one of Bristol's rejects?

      • Texan_Bulldog

        Would YOU want one of Bristol's rejects? Jesus…the mind boggles.

        • Crank_Tango

          No shit–they must be the human equivalent of downer cows deemed too sick to go to golden corral

      • tessiee

        Bristol has rejects??

    • Jim89048

      I'm not sure Megs isn't, however.

    • The_Great_Gazoo

      Too bad Ben Quayle will only titty fuck her, and that doesn't really count as getting laid. Or does it?

    • Guppy06

      Outside the sanctity of marriage?

      /pearlclutch

    • thedeathofirony

      Meghan needs to get laid; unfortunately most Republican men aren't interested in chicks adults.

  • Crank_Tango

    this is good news for…you know who else…oh fuck it show us your tits already.

    • BeWoot

      Don't you mean, show us the rest of your tits already?

  • The_Great_Gazoo

    Meghan's dialogue would ring more true if she depicted Sheen as asking Sarah if she thought Willow might be down to hang on the bus, rather than Bristol.

  • smokefilledroommate

    Cartoon character writes unfunny crap about hypothetical presidential cartoon character candidates… anvil? gong? mechanical slappy-hand?

    • PocketsTheClown

      Banana peel?

      • smokefilledroommate

        I wish someone would drop her off at CASS for a month without any outside contact–including 'blog' privileges..

  • user-of-owls

    As a practicing political scientist, I take great umbrage to this. That's right, I said umbrage.

    • arihaya

      un-Bra-ge ?

    • Angry_Marmot

      Are you taking umbrage while waxing wroth? I believe they're contraindicated.

      • 教授 Zoom

        It's especially risky if you're in high dudgeon. Consult a doctor if your dander is up for more than four hours.

    • As a practicing Crayola artist, I take burnt umbrage to this.

      • 教授 Zoom

        "Burnt Umbrage" would be an awesome name for a band.

    • riverside68

      Come back when you're done practicing, we want to see finished product!

    • WriteyWriterton

      Yes, well, as a practicing Anglophile, I say "Pip-pip!" and "Cheerio!" but not to any useful purpose.

    • tessiee

      "That's right, I said umbrage."

      *monocle falls off in shock*

      • BerkeleyBear

        "Good day, sir."
        "I siad good day!" waves hand, sniffs diffidently, strides off head down.

  • bagofmice

    But is she bi-winning?

  • Crank_Tango

    "Irrelevant RINO blogger". On March 24, 2011, It became self-aware.

    • lulzmonger

      Liquid mimetic poly-alloy or GTFO.

  • nounverb911

    Has she finished her father's "dang fence" yet?

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Boy, I wish people would pay me money just because my parent was a failed candidate. What the hell is wrong with my Mom and Dad?

    • Schmannnity

      Meghan or Bristol?

      • NorthStarSpanx

        Or George Clooney?

  • OkieDokieDog

    I'll take her politically serious as soon as she pole dances for Jebus.

  • metamarcisf

    Anythin this girl has to say, I'm standing in line for her autograph. She is the mastermind of the sure-fire GOP tits-and-lizards ticket in 2012.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      She likes to pretend that photo was a casual, impulsive tweet and that everyone was guilty of making it pejorative with many sexual undertones.

      She wanted to be seen as sexy, hiding behind Andy Warhol, the irony. . .

  • Leading political scientist Meghan "Look it's me Again" Mccain did diss Bachmann saying “Michele Bachmann in my opinion is no better than a poor man’s Sarah Palin.”.

    No doubt drawing on her extensive knowledge of poor people. But still how many Repubtards have had the ball to call out both Sarah and Michele in public?

    • riverside68

      I always thought Palin was the poor man's Bachmann.

      I do not want to research this, maybe a practicing Poli Sci could do a thesis on it.

  • bumfug

    Ha ha, the joke's on Tina Brown.

    • 教授 Zoom

      Perhaps literally.

  • Schmannnity

    I cannot believe how acceptable she makes that little douche Tucker Carlson look in retrospect.

  • I think the real left vs. right battle is struggling to leap out of that shirt.

    I'm sorry Meghs, come back to Wunkerville and we'll be nice again.

  • proudgrampa

    Mmmmmmmmm. Casabas.

  • memzilla

    If you were to send Meghan McCain through Jeff Goldblum's inverter-transporter of "The Fly," I believe you'd get Intern Riley Waggaman.

    Anagrams of "Meghan McCain" include Manna Chic Gem and Am Caching Men. Also.

  • SayItWithWookies

    What are you talking about, Jack? I just clicked on Meghan's article and I thought it was incisive and scintillating.

    Oh, wait — that was just the Newsweek pop-up ad. No, her article sucks. Sorry.

  • EdFlintstone

    Megs can invade my no fly zone any time.

  • pinkocommi

    Poor Meghan McCain. People initially stereotype her as dumb because she is a beautiful blonde with big tits. And then she writes articles that definitively prove it to be true.

    • Now now. Beautiful?

      • pinkocommi

        Given that I read a post today in which someone shockingly said he found Michele Bachmann attractive, yes I would call Meghan beautiful.

    • zhubajie

      Fake blonde; fake tits?

  • DaSandman

    I don't care, I don't care, I don't care….

    Just let me do my progressive romp on those big Repug titties. The ball gag will take care of the rest.

    Boo ya!

  • Extemporanus

    "SKITS or GTFO"?

    I believe that you may have misheard us, Megs.

    • emmelemm

      Your wit is sharp, even in the late hours!

      • Radiotherapy

        Yeah, he's always perky.

        • Extemporanus

          Thank you both for providing such good support.

  • Sassomatic

    This is a lot funnier when you realize it's sock puppets, and that the socks are on her tits.

    • bagofmice

      Puppetry of the sweater puppies.

  • Guppy06

    Is her middle name "Mary Sue?" I've seen better Care Bear slash fiction!

  • PocketsTheClown

    Dingbat rack-peddler is a lousy writer.

  • arihaya

    the only thing that prevent people from treating her like Ann Coulter is because Meg has boobs

    • tcaalaw

      And a less prominent Adam's apple.

    • BornInATrailer

      And a vagina.

  • CapnFatback

    Charlie: [Takes a long drag from his cigarette.] I invited Meghan on my private campaign bus but she wouldn’t come.

    Yes, but did she get on the bus?

    • WriteyWriterton

      I saw that, uh, coming, a mile away.

  • Goddamn, which idiot hired Tina Brown to run the stupid website? Anyone who would pay money to Meghan McCain for writing anything must be incompetent.

  • Radiotherapy

    You know who else had nice thingies and was involved with convoluted plots?

    • Angry_Marmot

      Charlotte and Emily Bronte?

    • Haley Barbour?

      • Mumbletypeg

        Hayley Mills…

    • gef05

      Mary Shelley?

    • gef05

      Oh oh oh.

      Mata Hari.

    • riverside68

      Mae West?

    • BornInATrailer

      Margaret Thatcher?

    • lulzmonger

      Valerie Plame?

    • tcaalaw

      Elizabeth Taylor?

  • BarackMyWorld

    At least she's not Bristol Palin.

  • horsedreamer_1

    If Sheen wins*, the First Lady could return to what she loves: Adam & Eve presents, in conjunction with the Library of Congress, Bree Olson in Mowing the South Lawn.

    *Axiomatic.

  • bflrtsplk

    Let's cut to the chase: If Meghan were to campaign topless*, everybody would forget about the deficit.

    *One can only dream.

  • Once again, I clicked, and no boobs. Page views do not grow on trees, Stuef.

  • FNMA

    I've said it before, and I'll say it again — satire should be left to the professionals. Or at least people who have some semblance of a sense of humor.

  • gef05

    She is just so cheap and trashy. I would not have sex with her if she were the last woman on earth.

    (yes I would)

  • neiltheblaze

    For what its worth, I never even think about Megs until teh Wonkette brings her up. So fuckin' stop it, will ya?

  • Well, to be fair to Hooty McBoob, she's right as Charlie Sheen the "Demrat" * would be the only person Sarah Palin could beat in an election.

    *from what I understand, the Torpedo of Truth is more of a libertardian politically.

    But her humor is seriously lacking. Why couldn't she just copy/paste/childishly edit songs or movie or famous quotes into parody… not that I know anyone who is lazy enough or stupid enough to do that.

    • undeterredbyreality

      I fart in your general direction.

  • Why would she plagiarize from a 6 year old?

  • Bluestatelibel

    Kind of like Maureen Dowd, except totally lacking in occasionally being charming and funny.

    • Plus Dowd's bust measurement accrues much more in her favor, when taking relative proportion into account.

  • mumbly_ジョジョ

    Dear Jack: please keep posting that picture of Meghan McCain on articles. Hell, even if the post doesn't have anything to do with Meghan McCain. Doesn't matter.

  • ThundercatHo

    Well, that pic of Megan's mammaries certainly seems to have cheered up the male Wonketteers. But, listen Megs, the liberal fantasy is Martin Sheen, not Charlie, with Catherine Zeta-Jones as first lady. I mean, did you see those pics of her getting her medal thingy from the Queen? Top notch.

    • Jim89048

      Did she get her medal for her work in the T-Mobile commercials? Because that was the first (only) time I've seen her.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Meghan graduated from Columbia University? I did not know that. So is that sort of like when they let dumb jocks go to a nice college on scholarships because they play with balls? Meghan is like the dumb jock of female bloggerdom / political science writers. I get it. [Roscoe winks at everyone in the thread, then takes a long drag from his cigarette, and coughs and chokes on it]

    • FNMA

      And she plays with balls?

    • dahboner

      BOOBIES!

    • BerkeleyBear

      It is called a permanent captial campaign/endowment funding. You have to find 10% or so of your student body whose parents can actually pay the full list price of an Ivy degree to fund scholarships for everyone who actually is smart enough to maintain the academic reputation of the institution. Sure it means you have some rich idiot alumni, but they make the best donors (them and the scholarship kids who make good but have a chip on their shoulders and need to prove it to everyone).

      And yes, I said endowment.

  • ObamaHatesLibyans

    WankerBone du Jour–a pic of the Underachiever-in-Chief:
    http://www.moronail.net/img/2716_i_aint_doin_shit

  • What is it with these Rethug spore that always brings the aammm-bee-ants of East Texas trailer trash? (no Frog pronunciation of ambiance, svp, merci)

  • Weenus299

    She spent five years as a POW somewhere, right?

    • LiveToServeYa

      Under the control of Ilsa the Wicked Warden, yes.

    • BornInATrailer

      She has been held in a cage and poked by Asians with sticks. But no, never a POW.

  • Ms McCabe missed the obvious and went for the gratiuitous. S. Palin's campaign song… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OwJdS8lH7yA

    because Goddamn it, God's on my side

  • Trannysurprise

    You have to admit that seeing President "Monster Tits" McCain throw out the first pitch would be ratings GOLD. And give Sarkozy something to do at the G8.

  • LiveToServeYa

    Today, we are all incompetent humor writers.

  • dancesw_cougars

    Didn't she write a book called "Sweaty, Sexy Politics", or something like that?

  • prommie

    Midnight posting, then we have to listen to the crickets through most of the work day? Lay off the crack, man.

  • V572del c:/*.* y/n?

    <s>T

  • hagajim

    Meghan McCain….right breast Republican, left breast Liberul…..oh hell just show us your milk jugs already!

  • tessiee

    Teh bewbies. Yr argument is invalid.

  • In her defense it was rather surprising how quickly the liberal elite gathered around to embrace Charlie Sheen and his lifestyle choices.

    Wait, what the fuck is she talking about again? Hey Tits MacGillicutty…after you're finished blowing me how about you pick any one of the crazy ass murdering terrorists on the far right, Loughner, McVeigh, Randall Terry, Eric Alan Rudolph…go ahead pick any one of them as the counter to your mendacious "left-wing crazy" trope. Oh wait that's right, your friends pretend Loughner was a "leftist."

  • metamarcisf

    Senator McCain, I would like to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage

  • El Pinche

    I refrain from saying anything about that horribly unfunny block of text since its covered well in both comment sections. ..except Daily Beast commenter "dookyhole" apparently thought it was humorous.

  • DahBoner

    Charlie Sheen trying to hit on Rachel Maddow…

    Did Lynn Cheney ghostwrite this Lesbian porn?

  • rocktonsam

    boobs!

    winning!

  • fuflans

    oh man megs you seem like a decent girl and you certainly have friends in the right places (all puns intended) and you're awful pretty to boot. but i have said it before and you really need to stop:

    comedy is really really hard.

    leave it to the pros.

  • L188188

    Mmmm… headlights.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    The typical conservative woman likes to keep her boobs out of sight. I like that, actually. It makes me listen closer to what she has to say, and how fucking horrible it actually sounds.

  • owhatever

    Meggie? Newt calling on line three. He promises to divorce Callista. Says that picture makes him really patriotic.

  • Walkinwiddaking

    Holy Shamoley. Is that picture photoshopped or are those puppies the real McCoy? Or, I guess, McCoy's

  • Walkinwiddaking

    Or, McCain's.

  • zhubajie

    MM should just bare her breasts and cover her face with a yashmak.

  • About time. America hasn't had a President with ample boobage since Traft.

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