Meghan McCain has long wanted the world to take her thoughts on politics seriously, despite giving them absolutely no reason to do so, so for her latest column, she’s taken a studious look at the 2012 presidential race, and decided it will probably pit the Republican candidate Sarah Palin against a Democratic nominee named Charlie Sheen. WHAT’S THAT? YOU CAN’T STOP LAUGHING AT THE ABSURDITY OF THIS UNLIKELY SCENARIO? That’s precisely what Meghan wants! She has been paid money (we assume) to write out a HUMOROUS SKIT depicting these two individuals at a future debate. Of course, they can’t help but talk about Meghan McCain, considering how important she is to the Politics and the National Conversation and the Issues.
Charlie Sheen: I didn’t quit anything, you clearly have no idea what you are talking about. I elected to win. And if elected president that is what I will continue to do. Winning is my life, Rachel. WINNING! WINNING! [He takes a drag from his cigarette and winks at Maddow in a suggestive way.]
Holy cow! Did Charlie Sheen actually say this? It’s tough to tell, because Meghan McCain is so good at comedy and theater!
Rachel [Maddow]: Sarah, this question is for you. How do you respond to critics who say you are too polarizing for the Republican Party and you could possibly be forfeiting the presidency to actor Charlie Sheen? Political blogger and your former running mate’s daughter Meghan McCain has been one of your most vocal critics.
Sarah: Meghan McCain is nothing more than an irrelevant RINO blogger, everybody knows that.
Charlie: [Takes a long drag from his cigarette.] I invited Meghan on my private campaign bus but she wouldn’t come. Do you think Bristol would be down to hang?
Jack: This fictional work, despite being a stroke of genius, is inaccurate because it’s obvious to all political observers that “political blogger” Meghan McCain will be the nominee of BOTH major political parties in 2012. We’re sorry we’re so mean to you, Meghan! Please continue to lead our country forward with your expert insight into its governance! [Daily Beast]
{ 134 comments }
Megs has got it all wrong. It's gonna be Michele Bachmann vs. Bobcat Goldthwait.
My money is that it will come down to Sharon Angle versus a speck of dust she calls Torrance.
Come to think of it, we've never actually seen M-Bach and B-Goldthw together, have we?
Change I can believe in.
*ahem*
May I request Victoria Jackson vs. Bobcat Goldthwait?
Just cause it would be fun to listen to.
Why is Meghan McCain wasting her time at the Daily Beast? She's finally coming into her own and should jump ship for Wonkette.
K, but she's gotta mud-wrestle with Benincasa instead of writing things.
I'd buy that for a dollar.
Better hurry, before WaPo snatches her up.
President of Hooters??
(with a discount from her mommy's beer company)
She thinks she's people!
She's Soylent Green?
no.
soylent green is people
Meghan McCain isn't soylent green
therefore, Meghan McCain isn't people
Meghan's just jealous because "Dancing with the Stars" wanted Bristol instead of her.
The rejection letter from SNL didn't help things either.
Meghan needs to get laid; unfortunately most Republican men aren't interested in chicks.
Can't she borrow one of Bristol's rejects?
Would YOU want one of Bristol's rejects? Jesus…the mind boggles.
No shit–they must be the human equivalent of downer cows deemed too sick to go to golden corral
Bristol has rejects??
I'm not sure Megs isn't, however.
Too bad Ben Quayle will only titty fuck her, and that doesn't really count as getting laid. Or does it?
Outside the sanctity of marriage?
/pearlclutch
Meghan needs to get laid; unfortunately most Republican men aren't interested in
chicksadults.this is good news for…you know who else…oh fuck it show us your tits already.
Don't you mean, show us the rest of your tits already?
Meghan's dialogue would ring more true if she depicted Sheen as asking Sarah if she thought Willow might be down to hang on the bus, rather than Bristol.
Cartoon character writes unfunny crap about hypothetical presidential cartoon character candidates… anvil? gong? mechanical slappy-hand?
Banana peel?
I wish someone would drop her off at CASS for a month without any outside contact–including 'blog' privileges..
As a practicing political scientist, I take great umbrage to this. That's right, I said umbrage.
un-Bra-ge ?
Are you taking umbrage while waxing wroth? I believe they're contraindicated.
It's especially risky if you're in high dudgeon. Consult a doctor if your dander is up for more than four hours.
As a practicing Crayola artist, I take burnt umbrage to this.
"Burnt Umbrage" would be an awesome name for a band.
Come back when you're done practicing, we want to see finished product!
Yes, well, as a practicing Anglophile, I say "Pip-pip!" and "Cheerio!" but not to any useful purpose.
"That's right, I said umbrage."
*monocle falls off in shock*
"Good day, sir."
"I siad good day!" waves hand, sniffs diffidently, strides off head down.
But is she bi-winning?
"Irrelevant RINO blogger". On March 24, 2011, It became self-aware.
Liquid mimetic poly-alloy or GTFO.
Has she finished her father's "dang fence" yet?
Boy, I wish people would pay me money just because my parent was a failed candidate. What the hell is wrong with my Mom and Dad?
Meghan or Bristol?
Or George Clooney?
I'll take her politically serious as soon as she pole dances for Jebus.
Anythin this girl has to say, I'm standing in line for her autograph. She is the mastermind of the sure-fire GOP tits-and-lizards ticket in 2012.
She likes to pretend that photo was a casual, impulsive tweet and that everyone was guilty of making it pejorative with many sexual undertones.
She wanted to be seen as sexy, hiding behind Andy Warhol, the irony. . .
Leading political scientist Meghan "Look it's me Again" Mccain did diss Bachmann saying “Michele Bachmann in my opinion is no better than a poor man’s Sarah Palin.”.
No doubt drawing on her extensive knowledge of poor people. But still how many Repubtards have had the ball to call out both Sarah and Michele in public?
I always thought Palin was the poor man's Bachmann.
I do not want to research this, maybe a practicing Poli Sci could do a thesis on it.
Ha ha, the joke's on Tina Brown.
Perhaps literally.
I cannot believe how acceptable she makes that little douche Tucker Carlson look in retrospect.
I think the real left vs. right battle is struggling to leap out of that shirt.
I'm sorry Meghs, come back to Wunkerville and we'll be nice again.
Mmmmmmmmm. Casabas.
If you were to send Meghan McCain through Jeff Goldblum's inverter-transporter of "The Fly," I believe you'd get Intern Riley Waggaman.
Anagrams of "Meghan McCain" include Manna Chic Gem and Am Caching Men. Also.
What are you talking about, Jack? I just clicked on Meghan's article and I thought it was incisive and scintillating.
Oh, wait — that was just the Newsweek pop-up ad. No, her article sucks. Sorry.
Megs can invade my no fly zone any time.
Poor Meghan McCain. People initially stereotype her as dumb because she is a beautiful blonde with big tits. And then she writes articles that definitively prove it to be true.
Now now. Beautiful?
Given that I read a post today in which someone shockingly said he found Michele Bachmann attractive, yes I would call Meghan beautiful.
Fake blonde; fake tits?
I don't care, I don't care, I don't care….
Just let me do my progressive romp on those big Repug titties. The ball gag will take care of the rest.
Boo ya!
"SKITS or GTFO"?
I believe that you may have misheard us, Megs.
Your wit is sharp, even in the late hours!
Yeah, he's always perky.
Thank you both for providing such good support.
This is a lot funnier when you realize it's sock puppets, and that the socks are on her tits.
Puppetry of the sweater puppies.
Is her middle name "Mary Sue?" I've seen better Care Bear slash fiction!
Dingbat rack-peddler is a lousy writer.
the only thing that prevent people from treating her like Ann Coulter is because Meg has boobs
And a less prominent Adam's apple.
And a vagina.
Yes, but did she get on the bus?
I saw that, uh, coming, a mile away.
Goddamn, which idiot hired Tina Brown to run the stupid website? Anyone who would pay money to Meghan McCain for writing anything must be incompetent.
You know who else had nice thingies and was involved with convoluted plots?
Charlotte and Emily Bronte?
Haley Barbour?
Hayley Mills…
Mary Shelley?
Oh oh oh.
Mata Hari.
Mae West?
Margaret Thatcher?
Valerie Plame?
Elizabeth Taylor?
At least she's not Bristol Palin.
If Sheen wins*, the First Lady could return to what she loves: Adam & Eve presents, in conjunction with the Library of Congress, Bree Olson in Mowing the South Lawn.
*Axiomatic.
Let's cut to the chase: If Meghan were to campaign topless*, everybody would forget about the deficit.
*One can only dream.
Once again, I clicked, and no boobs. Page views do not grow on trees, Stuef.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again — satire should be left to the professionals. Or at least people who have some semblance of a sense of humor.
She is just so cheap and trashy. I would not have sex with her if she were the last woman on earth.
(yes I would)
For what its worth, I never even think about Megs until teh Wonkette brings her up. So fuckin' stop it, will ya?
Well, to be fair to Hooty McBoob, she's right as Charlie Sheen the "Demrat" * would be the only person Sarah Palin could beat in an election.
*from what I understand, the Torpedo of Truth is more of a libertardian politically.
But her humor is seriously lacking. Why couldn't she just copy/paste/childishly edit songs or movie or famous quotes into parody… not that I know anyone who is lazy enough or stupid enough to do that.
I fart in your general direction.
Why would she plagiarize from a 6 year old?
Kind of like Maureen Dowd, except totally lacking in occasionally being charming and funny.
Plus Dowd's bust measurement accrues much more in her favor, when taking relative proportion into account.
Dear Jack: please keep posting that picture of Meghan McCain on articles. Hell, even if the post doesn't have anything to do with Meghan McCain. Doesn't matter.
Well, that pic of Megan's mammaries certainly seems to have cheered up the male Wonketteers. But, listen Megs, the liberal fantasy is Martin Sheen, not Charlie, with Catherine Zeta-Jones as first lady. I mean, did you see those pics of her getting her medal thingy from the Queen? Top notch.
Did she get her medal for her work in the T-Mobile commercials? Because that was the first (only) time I've seen her.
Meghan graduated from Columbia University? I did not know that. So is that sort of like when they let dumb jocks go to a nice college on scholarships because they play with balls? Meghan is like the dumb jock of female bloggerdom / political science writers. I get it. [Roscoe winks at everyone in the thread, then takes a long drag from his cigarette, and coughs and chokes on it]
And she plays with balls?
BOOBIES!
It is called a permanent captial campaign/endowment funding. You have to find 10% or so of your student body whose parents can actually pay the full list price of an Ivy degree to fund scholarships for everyone who actually is smart enough to maintain the academic reputation of the institution. Sure it means you have some rich idiot alumni, but they make the best donors (them and the scholarship kids who make good but have a chip on their shoulders and need to prove it to everyone).
And yes, I said endowment.
WankerBone du Jour–a pic of the Underachiever-in-Chief:
http://www.moronail.net/img/2716_i_aint_doin_shit
What is it with these Rethug spore that always brings the aammm-bee-ants of East Texas trailer trash? (no Frog pronunciation of ambiance, svp, merci)
She spent five years as a POW somewhere, right?
Under the control of Ilsa the Wicked Warden, yes.
She has been held in a cage and poked by Asians with sticks. But no, never a POW.
Ms McCabe missed the obvious and went for the gratiuitous. S. Palin's campaign song… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OwJdS8lH7yA
because Goddamn it, God's on my side
You have to admit that seeing President "Monster Tits" McCain throw out the first pitch would be ratings GOLD. And give Sarkozy something to do at the G8.
Today, we are all incompetent humor writers.
Didn't she write a book called "Sweaty, Sexy Politics", or something like that?
Midnight posting, then we have to listen to the crickets through most of the work day? Lay off the crack, man.
<s>T
Meghan McCain….right breast Republican, left breast Liberul…..oh hell just show us your milk jugs already!
Teh bewbies. Yr argument is invalid.
In her defense it was rather surprising how quickly the liberal elite gathered around to embrace Charlie Sheen and his lifestyle choices.
Wait, what the fuck is she talking about again? Hey Tits MacGillicutty…after you're finished blowing me how about you pick any one of the crazy ass murdering terrorists on the far right, Loughner, McVeigh, Randall Terry, Eric Alan Rudolph…go ahead pick any one of them as the counter to your mendacious "left-wing crazy" trope. Oh wait that's right, your friends pretend Loughner was a "leftist."
Senator McCain, I would like to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage
I refrain from saying anything about that horribly unfunny block of text since its covered well in both comment sections. ..except Daily Beast commenter "dookyhole" apparently thought it was humorous.
Charlie Sheen trying to hit on Rachel Maddow…
Did Lynn Cheney ghostwrite this Lesbian porn?
boobs!
winning!
oh man megs you seem like a decent girl and you certainly have friends in the right places (all puns intended) and you're awful pretty to boot. but i have said it before and you really need to stop:
comedy is really really hard.
leave it to the pros.
Mmmm… headlights.
The typical conservative woman likes to keep her boobs out of sight. I like that, actually. It makes me listen closer to what she has to say, and how fucking horrible it actually sounds.
Meggie? Newt calling on line three. He promises to divorce Callista. Says that picture makes him really patriotic.
Holy Shamoley. Is that picture photoshopped or are those puppies the real McCoy? Or, I guess, McCoy's
Or, McCain's.
MM should just bare her breasts and cover her face with a yashmak.
About time. America hasn't had a President with ample boobage since Traft.
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