Well, here’s a shocker: America’s most deluded religious group, the fundamentalist Christians, “are 50 percent more likely to turn into obese middle-agers as those with no religious involvement.” Being dumb and poor and racist and homophobic apparently wasn’t enough for Jeebus’ true children here in America — now they’re doomed to fatness, too. Again, this is according to Scientists who studied people who go to church all the time. There are many theories, including one by Purdue University sociologist Ken Ferraro that “churches are a feeding ground for gluttony and obesity.” But what about religions and philosophies that demand moderation in eating, like Buddhism? Not so many Buddhists in America, we guess! What about Catholics? They are mostly alcoholics, plus they rarely go to church except for the big holidays because they’re scared the priest is going to rape their kids again. What about Anglicans or whatever, maybe Episcopalians or Unitarians? Ha ha, there are only about 2,000 of them, and they’re old preppies who go on walks every day and go canoeing at their summer houses.
Maybe it’s getting married to some fat person from your church?
“We know that weight gain is common after marriage and that marriage is highly valued in most religious groups,” he said. “Thus, one wonders if the results could be partially due to religious people being more likely to get married earlier and then gaining weight.”
Yvonne Bennett, a Chicago-area fitness instructor, said the study is right on track. Her own church’s “food and fellowship” practice, inspired her to start the program “Spirit Fit Ministry” at Trinity Baptist Community Church International in Crystal Lake.
Also, Baptist women and fundamentalists in general are most at risk of becoming obese, because of their terrible church habit:
Baptist women are at highest risk of obesity, followed by Fundamental Protestants, according to Ferraro’s work. Though the South, home to many Baptists, is known for its less healthy eating patterns, Baptist women were still more likely to be obese when the researchers controlled for residency.
And that is how we got to “Pole Dancing For Jesus,” the end. [Chicago Tribune]
{ 243 comments }
Lucky for them they don't believe in science.
No wonder Republitards are so against Michelle Obama's anti-obesity campaign… They realize it is a campaign against their Fundamentalist Christian way of life.
At about 9:30 on Sunday morning, I was at Raceway Gas filling the tank when a big BIG white guy in a maroon over black '87 Chevy Blazer with a Jesus fish pulled into a parking space by the store door. After I finished at the pump I went inside to get my change and Big Blazer Boy was at the register buying three single-packed Twinkies, one two-liter bottle of Mountain Dew, and one pack of menthol Pall Malls. Just sayin'.
Until they are dying of something. Then it's bring on the expensive medicare funded sciency healthcare, please.
What about Catholics? They are mostly alcoholics, plus they rarely go to church except for the big holidays because they’re scared the priest is going to rape their kids again.
Nailed us, Ken.
~
Thats why I'm Episcopalian. All of the booze, and none of the child raping. It's the same great Catholic taste (wine and not grape juice FTW!) but less filling (for your kids bunghole).
One might say: Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.
That's pederasts.
"none of the child raping"
That's not what I hear. (From evangelicals E.s mean-mouthing the Anglo-Catholics, it's true.)
Fuckin word! I claim the Church of England, American branch, when asked cuz I was brung up that way. I was even an acolyte and no touching that I can remember occurred. We even let the kids get some wine, that shit was awesome when I was 10.
Plus us Episcopalians have a schedule, if you are in church at 10, you are out at 11.15 unless it is Easter or something. No long drawn out services. Maybe the Baptists are fat cuz they have to gas up on calories to make it through a 3 hour service every week.
The east coast NFL jeebus loves the Episcopal church, all it's followers are at sports bars or at home by 1pm kickoff.
its
Nailed us, Ken
Father Ken?
I think I just got promoted to Cardinal.
That's what the altar boy said.
Too bad most of the fat is in their heads. And it ain't gray matter.
More weird…as you add in the fact that the stronger the faith the less the remaining teeth
A message from not-your-editor.
less is for uncountable, fewer is for countable
I can usually resist point this out, despite the pain, but in this case your rather amusing comment would have scanned much better as "the stronger the faith, the fewer the teeth"
Feel free to downfist me for being a pretentious grammar asshole. The less/fewer thing is a pet peeve of mine. The therapy failed and it was expensive anyway. What can I say?
While we're on the subject, sort of? It's "a person who", not "a person that". Thanks, guys.
How about "a person which"?
Only on Hallowe'en.
Thanks. I'm the one who has to be physically restrained from defacing the "less than 12 items" sign at Wally World.
Good thing Easy-Mac, Hunt's Snak-Pacs, and Miracle Whip don't require a lot of mastication.
I just hope these fatties don't attempt pole dancing. Seeing them in scooters is disgusting enough.
The one in the YouTuber trying to pole dance was pretty chunky. Her attempts made me worry about the stability of the Jesus pole. Probably should stick to just Jiggling for Jesus, to be on the safe side.
♫It's jigglin', baby♫
♪Go 'head, baby…♪
I take it you also don't like Marx Bros movies?
Fat, stupid, and fundamentalist is no way to go through life, Mr. Dorfman.
Pretty much sums up the South (from what I've seen.)
Mr. Barbour
(cut to shot of Haley in a lobster bib eating a manatee)
MISTER BARBOUR. Zero. Point. Zero.
Maybe it's because they replace healthy eating and exercise with faith-based weight loss; works about as well as faith healing.
Maybe they need an app to help them lose wight. Kind of like that iHaggard app.
Reminding you to pray the flab away! It's the fat fucks app. Ew, I just looked at that literally and grossed myself out.
I don't know. Meth-fueled sex parties probably take the pounds off……that has Southern Baptist written all over it.
That's reserved for the shepherd, not the flock.
Fundies–when you eat the body of Christ, try leaving a little on the plate. Also, the loaves and fishes miracle wasn't meant as a commandment for you to cram your face with fish sticks at Golden Corral.
At least the sweetbreads
I'm a believer! The Baptist church close to me has a fat pastor and his wife is a rotundo too.
Hey now! I resemble that remark….
P.S. Upfists for all for crackin' my ass up with that one.
Once they perfect gluttony and sloth, they can focus on the other five deadly sins. I suggest pride and wrath as the next two within reach.
Once you perfect Gluttony and Sloth it makes it difficult to take on Lust.
Which definitely yields Anger and Envy.
Their in-the-closet and meth-addicted ministers and priests have made good progress on Lust, at least where young boys and male prostitutes are involved.
"Once you perfect Gluttony and Sloth it makes it difficult to take on Lust."
Which is why I've made it my mission in life to balance the three.
Well, they have the Greed thing all locked up. Fat bastards. They don't realize their masters worship Gordon Gekko.
Needz moar transubstantiation.
Sweet Jesus H. Christ is that study the mother of all post hoc fallacies. Dear scientist: Baptist doesn't make them fat, fat makes them Baptist. There's your null hypothesis.
Also downfister has a sad.
Isn't there that verse: It is easier for Chris Christie to pass through the eye of a needle, yadda yadda yadda?
Pretty soon they'll all be too fat to be raptured up to heaven.
Can God make a devoted follower so heavy that He cannot lift them?
God got ruptured doing the rapture.
How many fat rapturees can fit on the head of a pin?
Oh, I wish I had a plus 10 super upfister.
Cholesterus 25:14-15
"And the Angels did descend from the Heavens, upon golden HoverRounds of Fire!
And ye, the Angel of the Lord did spake, mouth chock full of White Kasul."
You're misreading the signs. Jesus is filling his followers with helium in preparation for the rapture. It's closer than you think!
I'm confused….isn't Gluttony one of the Seven Capital Sins?
Show me in the bible where eating a family sized bad of Doritos, three, one liter bottles of Mountain Dew, and two, twenty piece Chicken McGonads is sinnin' against Jeebus! When did Jeebus preach against eating a dozen Krispy Kremes, half a box of Froot Loops and biskits and gravy for breakfast? Heck, with the loaves and fishes trick, he proved he wants people to eat, and if he done it in Alabama or Georgia it would have been biskits and gravy. None of this vegetable stuff Nobama's' wife keeps harping on!
Amen, brother. Amen.
mmmm biscuits and gravy. . . . wait, what were we talking about?
It's all the donuts that Jeebus makes people eat at church dinners, church recitals, church outreach, church fund raiser dinner, church family bar-b-ques, church baptism, church bible studies, happy birthday Jeebus candies and dinner, pork rind church festival, gravy laden cake church program, corn syrup celebration Sundays and because when they promised the homeless food if they come and listen, the homeless decided staving was better.
Hey donuts. Yum.
We Episcopers had donuts and coffee after the late service, but it would just be poor form to eat more than 1. Even as a kid, I knew the Others were watching me and passing silent judgement. You eat 2 donuts and next week the priest gave you half of a broken wafer at communion, just to send a message.
This is why fast food companies cave so regularly to xtian pressure. Remember when the fundies threatened to boycott McDonalds because they liked the gays? Victoria Jackson going to chik-fil-a instead could have bankrupted them.
Eating for Jesus will get Huckabee the nomination.
Isn't Chick-Fil-A already owned by fundie types?
And Domino's; mmm grease and cheese-like product on cardboard.
It's one of those things in life that works out neatly; boycotting shitty pizza made by clinic bombers.
"If God hadn't intended us to eat his fat followers, he wouldn't have made them out of meat."
~S. Palin
Ken, once again you fail to realize, Jesus will have a cure for the overweight just like he has a cure for homosexuals.
And it'll work just as well; we'll find another Haggard-style preacher licking bacon grease off of his rentboy's pecs.
Hey when you get to wave a magic prayer to get all your low self-discipline sins wiped away for your free ticket to sit at god's knee, why bother with details like eating yourself to death?
Jesus dieted for your sins.
John 8:7 "Let him who is without Cinnabon grab the first scone."
Ugh, puns. Well played.
"I'd heal a leper for a fillet-o-fish." Neo Jesus for McDonalds during lent.
I was going to give up puns for Lent, but then I realized that I wouldn't be able to reply to you, Gopherit.
Yes…..yes I know.
WWJE = What Would Jesus Eat
Who would be the better question.
Himself?
3rd base!
Dog will get you for that ExtempPBear!!
*wipes coffee sprayed from his nose off the keyboard and desk*
Is there a LOL Food Bible somewhere I've been missing out on??
Combine the US America maps of highest incidents of diabeetus2, obesity, lowest income, most religious, most GOPer, lowest edumakashun and you'll realize that it's pretty much the same map.
Don't forget divorce and VD rates!
And child abuse and big honkin' truckz.
And murder!
And highest teen pregger rate! Very important that.
Q: Why is Mississippi called "The Hospitality State"?
A: Because "Leading the Nation in Fatties, Flunkies, Fundies, and Fucktards" wouldn't fit on the license plate.
thou shall not covet thy neighbors deep fried sticks of butter.
Seems downfister's all upset. Keep putting that chubby finger on the downfist button, fatty, cause I'm pretty sure it's the only exercise you get.
They have no time for the Sunday morning long run, the most spiritual part of the week.
More likely it's a Sunday morning hoverround.
As to the book, Jesus' diet, if he existed, was mostly bread and wine; that was pretty much the diet for the poor throughout the Roman empire, with some fruits and vegetables as an occasional treat. That's why those are the foods he magically turned into his flesh and blood for his followers to cannibalize.
The Jesus Diet (a sponge full of vinegar and a spear through your belly) can make anyone lose weight! It's basically the Roman Empire's version of the Lap Band.
And spending your day tied to a piece of wood in the hot sun is a great way to sweat out the weight!
so it's the followers of jeebus that have the buddha belly? irony, you don't have to be this blatant.
But rubbing their bellies for good luck doesn't work so well. No sense of humor about that at all.
The Body and Blood of Christ is very high in carbs.
Needs more matzoh and bitter herbs.
\
I am betting that our downfister is some kind of fat cunt as this thread appears to have struck a chord.
IM EATING YR IMAGINARY INTERNET POINTS LIBERULS
NOMNOMNOM
I assume you mean "cunt" in the limey sense?
what is cunt in the limey sense?
is this like the chips vs. crisps thing?
Plumpelina on the double axle quad scooter rather than Thumbelina with the tiny penis. You're on to something here Lizzie.
Sitting in the corner of his basement, the "Defender Of Liberty" hunches over his monitor and keyboard, his light sabres in this holy war against liberalism. The Cheeto stains on his tee shirt and tightie-whities betraying his only failing, his Achillies Heel. From on high a voice summons him to a greater mission: "Bobby Ray, Git yer ass up here and eat yore dinner, you can go back on that computer later". He cradles his 50 year old balding head in his hands and replies in turn: "Yes Mother" and heaves a heavy sigh, knowing the battle is eternal but that being only human, he must pause from time to time…
The Rapture Diet: No Fat Left Behind
It's all those potluck suppers of deep fried hobo beans and macaroni salad lime jello molds with Miracle Whip frosting and fritos garnish. 25 kinds of tuna casseroles with potato chips also.
Dig in.
And sweet tea, with Kool Aid for the kiddies!
Kool Aid? Shit, all we ever got was generic Orange Drink. Damn austere Methodists.
I'm pretty sure it hits really close to his home, but then again thanks to his gravitational pull everything does.
Gravity? Isn't that one of those heathen *theories*?
They may not believe in science, but science believes in them. They may feel free to test the theory of gravity by jumping off a building.
Cool moniker, but I think fatti fundis might be better–sounds sort of Muslim, which will freak them out even more.
Who knew that apostasy was so slimming?
What's my diet secret? A pact with Satan.
I don't think you can claim apostate if you worship anyone. Up or down.
Apostasy is like, ecstasy that they made in the middle ages out of rye mold…
Ken, most normal "Catholics" define themselves as Catholic because the Catholic church is the church they don't go to. But there are Wacky Catholics, too, and they are dangerous, because they are fundamentalists with brains, much more dangerous than the dumbass bible-thumping fundies. The jesuit-educatedwacky-catholics can be wicked good at argument, because they have learned to camoflage their inevitable sophistry. These are the kind that get appointed to the Supreme Court.
You mean Bill Donahue doesn't actually speak for all of America's Catholics? But he says he does!
This is why fast food companies cave so regularly to xtian pressure. Remember when the fundies threatened to boycott McDonalds because they liked the gays? Victoria Jackson going to chik-fil-a instead could have bankrupted them.
You never see a fat Muslim. I'm just saying…
I think it's because those asplody vests only come in small and medium.
Oh, I dunno – the Taliban leaders back in the day were somewhat chunky, as I recall.
They get pretty porcine if they have the title Sheik. Wasn't that why they always needed Bush II to hold their hand to get around?
Keep eating entire family meals of barbeque! It keeps the muslins away!
The author sent a prerelease copy to the Huckabees but one of the boys ate it, out by the mailbox.
…and then he ate the mailbox.
…and the sad thing is that two Huckebee boys waddled out to the mailbox that day, but only one came back. Dabbling daintily at the corners of his mouth.
With Jazzy ramps and more big & tall stores.
This sickens me to no end!
So, Walmart is some kind of church?
So, now we have a valid reason to bully Christians.
I guess that whole "sitting on a cloud" thing is off.
Jabba the Hutt = Baptist.
Baron Harkkonen = Fundie.
Hmmm, do Fundamentalist Christians become obese because they are Fundamentalist Christians? Or do obese people become Fundamentalist Christians because no one except Jesus will love them?
And he could be jiving, too.
They join the way they by lotto tickets: they're desperate and they want to take a chance. Fundy Prot'ism promises them health and wealth. Just tithe to the preacher…. They eat because they are unhappy at being poor and food makes them feel better. They are angry and hate-filled because they need to blame someone else for their problems.
you need alot of gravy to wash down all that hate.
and corn syrup.
Wow, thumb-downed within seconds of posting. If I thought our trolls were literate, I'd suspect they had some sort of script set up to do the downfisting for them, the lazy fucks.
It is either someone who is offended by the Jesus jokes or an obese shut in who spends all day every day in front of their computer monitor. Either way they have no sense of humor.
Pass me a spork and a moist towelette, please.
Hell, I know I'm still working off the glob of Communion wafers slowing digesting in my gut from my days as a pious youth.
Barry: What's that, Soldier?
Troopie: That's a Tomahawk missile, Mr. P.
Barry: 'Thought so, just wasn't sure. Expensive, aren't they?
Troopie: Yes sir. Over a million a copy.
Barry: A million? Is that a lot?
Troopie: Yes sir. Sir, are we going to get a raise soon?
Barry: No, not with missiles costing that much, wealth to redistribute–communist revolutions are expensive or so I've heard. Besides, the next election's coming soon and I have to convince the would-be voters I have balls.
Troopie: OK, Mr. P. Good luck with that "balls" thing.
Barry: Allahu ahkbar!
WTF? What does this neocon wet-dream material have to do with the article?
If you're going to troll, at least stay on topic.
I topically departed no more than all of your ass-buddies railing on Christians, using "downfisting" as frequently as possible, continually alluding to things perineal, and "right-winger" bashing. Got hypocrisy? You may go, now.
I am still trying to figure out how trolling websites, being dishonest, making stupid racist comments, and making hateful remarks falls under Christian behavior.
Your grandmother can send me the dry-cleaning bill for getting the santorum out of her extra-wide Walmart panties if she's still upset about last weekend. Otherwise, go fuck yourself.
Where is the part about fat?
Right there in the wingnut.
Children, enough with the communist garbage. You are still enjoying your anusburgers, you still don't exercise, you visit your doctor once a year for an allergy shot, the government isn't all up in yo' bidness anymore than it has been the last 40 years, and the only place the wealth has been redistributing to is the top one percent.
"Government is the shadow cast by business over society." You want change? Change the substance, the shadow will follow.
But you forget, another centrist Democratic President who gives in to the right wing way too much and stands to the right of Nixon on certain issues is to these idiots A COMMIE-SOCIALIST AND TEH MOST LIBRAL PRESNINT EVER@!
I thought you worshiped everyone who bombed brown people?
I can't keep up with the fickleness.
Troopie?
Kilroy was here…
"Barry: Allahu ahkbar! " – but you guys aren't racist at all, no.
Um… and your point being?
I'm beginning to think DownFister thinks it gets indulgences for past sins by downfisting us.
Why does anyone care about Downfister? Can he/she help you or hurt you?
Fat, saved and stupid is no way to go through life son.
We're different than the regular poor, racist, homophobic fat people.
We are saved.
Oops, missed this one and copied you.
This is promising news for Zach Galifianakis' long-awaited production of Fat Jesus.
(Though rip-off artist Seth McFarlane will likely get his feature length Fat Jesus made first.)
A retaliatory thumbs up to everyone on this thread.
Suck it, wingtards!
Fundamentalist seem to have forgotten that gluttony is a DEADLY SIN.
For Catholics, actually. The seven deadly sins are for dirty papists, so, obviously, they don't count for the born-agains.
The only deadly sin for Prot Fundies is not tithing to pastor Blitzafritz.
Obviously this is Obama's fault.
Obama's abortion armies are winning the war on fetus, so there are less AMERICANS alive to eat all the ANUS DORITOS AND ANUS CORN DOGS and since somebody has to eat all that fucking crap (there are (non-muslim) people starving in Africa, after all), REAL MERICANS ARE GONNA GET FAT.
Duh!
Fatties always bogart the Eucharist
How can you stay in shape when you're potlucking three times a day 7 days a week? Would you like another helping of Mac & Cheese? Some tuna noodle casserole?
Haley Barbour's state, Missihaha leads the league in obesity, inbreeding, and rural dumpster-diving. Just one more reason for Vitter-Ensign, 2012.
Is that the whoremonger/adulterer ticket?
i started to write something snarky but honestly, how sad all this is. sex is proscribed, alcohol is frowned on, fiction is often off-limits, travel and education are suspect, there's a black man in the white house and he's way smarter than you.
and as if god was actually laughing at you: you are morbidly obese.
The no sex or other fun rules may explain why the fundies are so rotund; the only source of pleasure that's not against the rules is eatin' a bunch of tasty, lard-ridden shit.
Access Denied
My boss does not approve of your suggestion.
Jesus said not to eat the leaven of the Pharisees — but he said nothing about their Double-Down sandwiches, cheese fries, and Mountain Dew.
Every time a Fundamentalist Christian gains a pound, an angel gets his wings.
Or a scale breaks it spring.
"What about Catholics? They are mostly alcoholics, plus they rarely go to church except for the big holidays because they’re scared the priest is going to rape their kids again."
That's pretty spot on except I only go to church for AA meetings every few years when I hit bottom, again.
I was hoping that's how AA works, because the meetings are a bit to Jeebusy for me to keep going weekly…
One word: casseroles.
"What about Anglicans or whatever, maybe Episcopalians or Unitarians? Ha ha, there are only about 2,000 of them, and they’re old preppies who go on walks every day and go canoeing at their summer houses. "
Wait, I have a canoe at my summer house! I thought I was Jewish all this time! Do I get Daisy Buchanan, too?
Can I have Daisy Duke instead?
Wifey and I are Episcopalian, and we only invite our Jewish friends to use our canoe/summer house. They bring better food plus they make us feel less like Catholics…
Whoa- I am Jewish and the only person I knew with a summer house was my friend's German Jewish grandparents(all of of the rest of us had grandparents who barely spoke English and were just glad to escape the Pograms). When I was an adult, I met a woman in my Hadassah group who told me she and her sister had ponies as kids- I asked if she was Jewish when she was growing up.
Unitarians these days are mostly Wiccans in disguise, aren't they?
First they get fat, then they get bald and stupid. Oh wait – I think the stupid part prolly happens first.
Born stupid, grow fat, become bald is the usual pattern. Dental issues also come into play between fat and bald.
Apparently making fun of mayonnaise abusing pig-eyed fundamentalists offends our little breibart neurotic stalker.
weejee needz moar coffee, or gin, read that as bugger heaven.
Looks like you've been promoted to Cardinal, too.
HAHAHAHA teri gross is interviewing some MD about diabetes and he's talking about 'western organs encased in fat' and 'visceral fat' and 'fat making us numb to vital signals' and patients 'waddling in to see him'.
it is obvious this man is canadian and does not know jesus saves.
Oh god, is this the doctor who treated war injuries in Afghanistan and could barely recognize the innards of an Afghan because they weren't totally swollen and fat-laden?
the very same.
Ugh.
"all about identity politics and not at all about personal conduct"
Fist-fist. So true. The denouement from moral responsibility into moral reprehensibility.
“Thus, one wonders if the results could be partially due to religious people being more likely to get married earlier and then gaining weight.”
Nope – it has to do with them being inbred unintellegent morons who largely eat everything deep fried, and who read the bible to only fit their fucked up worldview. Ya think maybe all of those fatties in the southern "obesity belt" forgot about that gluttony thing as being one of the 10 deadly sins? Or do they just not care because when they die Jeebus is going to forklift their fat asses into his heavenly celebrity slop house.
I thought Jesus Juice was part of a low carb diet…
Oh, personal conduct. You mean Jesus said you should live like he did? Well i'm sure if J were around today he would be fat, driving a hunk of metal the size of 3 mangers and hating on the Muzlims, right? Also, he would long ago gave up on turning the other cheek.
Jesus was a Jew! I wonder what certain anti-Semitic relatives will say at Judgement Day when he reminds them of that.
You may know the song "Would Jesus Wear a Rolex on His Television Show?"
All this give new meaning to the expression "pound it."
Christianity began as a lower class political reaction among Jews under Roman occupation and then was turned into a form of protest against Roman rule amongst the 40% of the population within the entire empire that were slaves, so it should not be surprising that it still is a political religion today. The Baptist version of Christianity was created by the lowest of the low in the North American colonies, transported convicts from the British Isles and kidnapped Africans traded to Europeans by their tribal rivals and kept in bondage and illiteracy. Among major USA religious denominations, Baptists rank dead last in education and income. Figures are still not in for followers of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, so this post will have to be continued at a later date.
And the ressentiment of the early Christian morality lives on, so that a group that comprises 70% of the population and controls most of our powerful institutions likes to play the victim and pretend they are being persecuted, usually when they are prevented from forcing their views on everybody else.
Considering that history's first Baptist preachers were proud illiterates, the only surprise these days is that there's a semi-intellectual component of that denomination that had to split off from the wackier, dumber clown versions.
The thing about religion, of course, is that the merits of the philosophy or mythology are completely meaningless once it becomes a social-control method for the state. Even benign religious movements like Buddhism and Judaism become wicked in the hands of despots and wingnuts.
This could be the farthest I've ever seen a thread drift from the Sea of Snark. Quick, furl the sails, get the oars shipped and whip the slaves! Get this vessel back to the relative safe harbor of Witt, in the south of Snark.
Prithee, good Sir! Thou hast recalled me to my senses!
"the relative safe harbor of Witt, in the south of Snark. "
Yarrr, Cap'n! There be no Witt in the south, says I.
Damn, I miss the Wittenburg Door website.
Let us not forget that political movements have been making up for lost time the last couple centuries. The thing to avoid is violence.
Don't forget Pentecostals (like Sarah P). They are mostly sub-Baptist when it comes to education, etc. Every time you get a wild hair, it's a message from G0g!
As can be imagined, it's been a while since I've seen the inside of a church. Have they cleared out the pews and replaced them with Rascal charging stations yet?
My wife's been threatening to go back to church lately. If it happens, and I can be guilted into going along (just don't fucking expect me not to let loose with a string of obscenities during fast and fucking testimony . . . ), I'll let you know.
Oblio?
Buddha got fat. I've seen the statues.
That's the Buddha of the Future, Maitreya. Obviously, an American!
You mean Bob and Jillian hate baby Jesus? That your Biggest Loser Transformation Moment is just another way to Turn your back to the Lord? My Weight Loss Journey is a Highway to Hell?
please tell me which media memes to believe in verbatim so's my life will have meaning and my belly will have twinkies
So it is my devotion to Bacchus that's added on the pounds . . .
Such a gathering of individuals of immense stupidity in one room hasn't been seen since George Bush tried to eat a pretzel alone.
i blame the communion feeding troughs.
Ken, it's the gallons of sweet tea (pronounced sweet tay) consumed as if 'twere nectar of the gods that is to blame for the fundamlentalist's girth. They even put it into their baby bottles. I ain't a-kiddin'!
This leads to the question: how many obese angels can dance in the bed of a pick-up?
Wait, wait, care for the poors? Are you kidding? Jesus said to do that, you crazy if you think Xians would get on board with that shit.
I didn't follow your link, but are you insinuating that a lack of satisfaction in one key area might encourage over indulgence in another?
Clinging to their Bibles, guns, flags, jugs of corn syrup and mobility scooters.
THEMS MY PEOPLES…
I heard Jesus could even make a kind, veggie burrito appear out of nowhere at a Dead Show…
Its all those bake sales in support of giving the rich more tax cuts.
Yes, I know Christians(of which I am not one-Christian- also I am not fat) who believe that eating too much is a sin especially when so much of the world goes hungry.
Psssst. (in a whisper) Don't forget the munnies, In eligion-Ray, it's unny-May that atters-May. (Since I'm not a believer, pig latin is as close as I can get…)
The group broke over Vatican II, over such radical liberal reforms over allowing mass to be conducted in languages the congregation would actually understand and no longer condemning all Jews for killing Jesus.
If the Jews, or anyone, hadn't killed Jesus, these gluttonous bitches wouldn't have had their asses saved in the first place. What? Jesus was supposed to just go on living forever, like some, um, wandering Jew-like guy? Jesus, they can't be that stupid, can they?
Actually, it was Italians that did it, they just blamed the Jews.
This reminds me of the Lenny Bruce bit where the guy tells the Jews to quit blaming the Crucifixion on the Roman soldiers, and says he found a note in the Jews' basement that said, "We did it, signed Morty".
Who fucking cares!? I guarantee you the rapture's coming before my arteries snap shut or Obama ain't a Mooooslim. Now shut yer commie pieholes and hand me that bucket of KFC!
Tell us all about it, 22 May!
Trinity Baptist Community Church International in Crystal Meth Lake.
If so, then how come all the women who grace the covers of Hustler magazine stay so slender? Because I haven't met one yet who didn't have an evangelical upbringing.
There's a window of nubility, 14-18 or so. Notice how Bristol is putting on the pounds?
But the most federal funds.
Yes indeed. Pat Buchanan (Buttcannon) too.
they're gonna need a bigger pole.
But I had to clean my plate – kids are starving in Africa!
I find sidewalk vs. pavement and government schemes to be the oddest of the bunch.
Oh, that and knocking up a friend, so he isn't late for work. That's my fav.
Or someone rubbing off on you.
Maybe just maybe it's all that disgusting mini-marshmallow infested macaroni "salad" they fervently shove down their gullets.
Who will felch me if I call it Samhain?
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