THE PRETEEN SENATOR  12:15 pm March 24, 2011

Chuck Grassley Tells Us All To ‘Quit Complaining’ About His Twitter

by Jack Stuef

Thursday is the day before Friday, unfortunately.
Oh no. This is like an effeminite kid telling YouTube not to call him gay. Look what everybody did on Twitter! We upset Chuck Grassley. No, the Twitter character limit is not 120, it’s 140. And no, it’s not explained why Grassley needs to shorten the word “about” here when his message is less than 100 characters, or why he feels the need to capitalize “but,” or why he doesn’t use any punctuation. Old man Grassley was using proper English when your parents hadn’t even been born yet, so LAY OFF.

And really, it’s not like his tweets are that bad. Let’s just take a look at two of his most recent ones!

Put this in the English textbooks. It's perfect.
See, there are like four whole words here you can understand — “of,” “at,” “I,” and “really.” That’s all you need, right? Don’t be such a dirktor, you guys.

This was in the Globe Theater.
This one makes sense too, when you think about it. A pathetic 14 Iowans came to see Grassley speak about the importance of migrating ethanol debt into wetlands that educate endangered animals about Libya. Only 14? That sounds pretty exciting.

You children on the Internet should stop cyber-bullying this poor grandpa. He just wants to inform you of the current scores of women’s college basketball games he’s attending! LEAVE GRASSLEY ALONE! [Twitter]

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Hola wonkerados.

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Steverino247 March 24, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Which is 55 higher than the average IQ of his supporters.

mavenmaven March 24, 2011 at 12:20 pm

gr8 pr4mnce
Charles Grassley OG

Bonzos_Bed_Time March 24, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Is someone going to Explain the whole proper noun Capitalization thingie to him At some point?

DaRooster March 24, 2011 at 12:31 pm

But is a proper noun, RighT?

MikeHawkstrong March 24, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Or punctuation?

assistantatlas March 24, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Actually, he's using proper capitalization, if one assumes he's tweeting in Olde English, the language of his youth.

Callyson March 24, 2011 at 12:20 pm

And get off my damn lawn, you bratty kids!

weejee March 24, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Still can't figure why it's your house that gets TPed on Halloween?

Troubledog March 24, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Be warning of conc for #soybeans of 1ST Will march of people and Debt 4 #assisting ppl Grt time w/them!

CrunchyKnee March 24, 2011 at 12:21 pm

@ChuckGrassley #ASSHOLE #olds

Moonbatting Average March 24, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Is Trig Palin Grassley's Twitter intern? Or does he have Megan Fox thumbs and can't type on his Blackberry correctly? The world wants answers!

V5¹∞ª℠≠½6³√•4° March 24, 2011 at 12:48 pm

People look at Megan Fox's thumbs? Pix, plz

SorosBot March 24, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Well at least "Debt Wetland mitigation Libya Education this was in Emmetsburg" all Uses full, real Words, if Inconstantly capitalized for No apparent Reason; they're just put together in a way that makes absolutely no sense.

nounverb911 March 24, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Old shorthand class sign from the NYC subway:
"if u cn rd ths u cn gt a hi pyn jb 2."

Obviously Grassley failed.

rocktonsam March 24, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Chuck, be a duck, dumb fuck.

Crank_Tango March 24, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Why does Chuck Grassley blood libel Sarah Palin's Facebook page in this way?

GunToting[Redacted] March 24, 2011 at 12:30 pm

On a related note, The Snowgrifter just made some defensive Twat about attacking the LSM (LameStream Media, but I prefer to translate to "Lying Spaghetti Monster") and how they are characterizing her. Apparently she's under attack again.

SorosBot March 24, 2011 at 12:32 pm

So that's what, one hour she kept her promise not to whine about the media?

DownFist Troll March 24, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Learn to spell motherfucker!

Troubledog March 24, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Mtg w/o atten of locl #economy SmBiz to incl All #subsidy IA biofuel farmers summit WE SPRT IA troops #GoodJob!

MissTaken March 24, 2011 at 12:24 pm

This is why Sarah's T will hold up as genius literature for generations to come. And you can't refudiate that.

jus_wonderin March 24, 2011 at 1:01 pm

"Young Cemil, have you taken care to unseal the Palin Text in the clean chamber? And, have you prepared the glass with cleaning agents so those that view the text will see it in all it's simply glory? Do take care to stay inside the chamber. But take note of the gasps of amazement as they view the Sacred T."

bagofmice March 24, 2011 at 1:12 pm

Refudiated to a T.

widestanceroman March 24, 2011 at 12:24 pm

Kss m ss n lke it fkr.

Conflabberdaddled March 24, 2011 at 12:24 pm

Chuck Whine-o-saurus Grassley: Proof that if a twitter never wins, then a whiner never quits

chascates March 24, 2011 at 12:24 pm

Shakespeare made up words too. Got to celebrate it!

Wait, wrong attention whore.

harry_palmer March 24, 2011 at 12:25 pm

He twats like a 21st century man, but he still capitalizes random words like they did in the 18th century, when he went to school.

Crank_Tango March 24, 2011 at 12:25 pm

Also, isn't Xtra delite a massage parlour term? or is it a plus-size stripper? or a tranny prostitute? Prolly all 3 knowing this guy.

Not_So_Much March 24, 2011 at 12:45 pm

It's an Iowa corn-cob ethanol powered buttplug (manufactured in Taiwan).

bflrtsplk March 24, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Xtra Delite is a tranny hooker with whipped cream and a cherry on top.

WhatTheHeck March 24, 2011 at 12:26 pm

I’ll know he’s mastered the Twitters when I see an entry from him which reads:

GuyClinch March 24, 2011 at 12:27 pm


Bonzos_Bed_Time March 24, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Loads of T

baconzgood March 24, 2011 at 12:28 pm

"Thow hast impuned my twitterest honnor. Knowest that I Refudiate thine heinous jibes regaring my twat. And thoes that due shall feel my rath."

-Chuck Grassley-

metamarcisf March 24, 2011 at 12:30 pm


freakishlywrong March 24, 2011 at 12:30 pm

He really needs to take this out on his ghost twitter-er. Not us.

phlox✔ March 24, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Chuck, start tweeting in lolcat speak. It'll be more intelligible.

Guppy06 March 24, 2011 at 12:34 pm

Chuck Grassley is apparently proud that his Twits look like he's sexting a 14 year-old.

Not_So_Much March 24, 2011 at 12:44 pm

He's a republican, so I'm glad you didn't limit the gender of the aforementioned 14 year-old…

PublicLuxury March 24, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Chuck Chuck bo buck fee fi fo *gasp*

second_gen March 24, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Long tweets will pull the plug on grandma

Gopherit March 24, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Honestly, his tweets make about as much sense as he ever does.

Oblios_Cap March 24, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Who the fuck cares what that twat tweets anyhows?

DahBoner March 24, 2011 at 4:57 pm

What That Twat Tweets

Charlie Sheen, is that you?

el_donaldo March 24, 2011 at 12:40 pm

I get the impression that he enjoys toes? And shares this and a wetsuit fetish with indebted Libyans? Something like that. To get any clearer I guess I'll have to go run some things through Urban Dictionary.

Hatrabbit March 24, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Iz a Repub Fcknut. Plz retweet.

SayItWithWookies March 24, 2011 at 12:42 pm

OMG u guyz stp being meen ChkGrssly nows #gramer and #spllNg.

Not_So_Much March 24, 2011 at 12:42 pm

So he can 'spell good', but he can't count? Keep fuckin' that chicken Iowa!

weejee March 24, 2011 at 12:44 pm

In the Iowa primary is Chuck going to be Michele's bitch or T-Paw's? Grassely is so obvs the Iowa twatting champ.

V5¹∞ª℠≠½6³√•4° March 24, 2011 at 12:49 pm

You haven't really lived until you've had a Hayward Hoso.

user-of-owls March 24, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Elected ruminant ruminates.

johnnymeatworth March 24, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Well, Sarah Palin's "No More Whining About Media" Farewell Tour is going to need an opening act….

Texan_Bulldog March 24, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Shame on all you hoity toity liberals with all your fancy book learning & demanding people know how to properly spell, punctuate and capitalize. It's Twitter's fault that America is so dumb, you bunch of damn Socialists!

cheaphits March 24, 2011 at 1:02 pm

ɐı ʎǝuɹnoƃıs ɹɐʍ ʎ6 ɐʎqıl 01oƃ4 sɐɥ ǝɥ ʇsǝq ʇ sʇı ɯıɥ ǝʌıƃ4

And come on…he was in Emmetsburg – Anyone would be excited!
It's the entertainment hub of Palo Alto county. Home of a privately owned collection of dolls located in downtown Emmetsburg, and is impressive in its number and variety of sizes, ages, and types. (of dolls, I guess…but maybe people?) Open by special appointment only. and there's more –

Everything up to date in Emmetsburg, Little House on the Prairie is located off of Highway 18 behind Subway. This privately owned and built reproduction of the house seen in the TV program . Be still my beating heart!

The Grotto of the Redemption is located about 25 miles southeast of Emmetsburg at West Bend. The Grotto represents the largest collection of minerals and petrifaction concentrated in any one spot in the world. The Grotto, built in nine sections, represents in stone the story of the life of Christ.. The petrifaction of Jebus – Chuck was psyched, so cut him a break.

Come here a minute March 24, 2011 at 2:52 pm


OneYieldRegular March 24, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Is our children learning?

__kth__ March 24, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Silly, he knows it's 140! 120 is his abbreviation for 140. It's 20 less than 140, so that frees up 20 more characters!

ironhead77 March 24, 2011 at 4:04 pm

ZING ! ! !

Extemporanus March 24, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Don't think of Senator Senile's (R-Front Lawn) cyber shout-outs as incomprehensible tweets — think of them as incomprehensible "Wheel of Fortune" puzzles, and spin again.

"id lke 2 mov A vowl Im consonapatd loljk"

Ugh March 24, 2011 at 1:08 pm

I'll cop to using "abt" in task lists, when taking notes, and stuff like that- okay, I use it WHEN NECESSARY on Twitter to make the limit- but there's a big fucking difference between that and the incomprehensible gibberish Granpa Cornpants is using.

I don't understand what it is about the olds- people I know who are my parents age and use IM are often the ones who do this. Everyone in my age cohort (mostly tries) to spell correctly and not use abbreviations cooked up by a Justin Beiber fangirl on LSD.

DownFist Troll March 24, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Ah, good point.

Lern to spl MthrFukr!

GregComlish March 24, 2011 at 1:09 pm

@ChuckGrassley: Where my NRGs at?

fartknocker March 24, 2011 at 1:09 pm

I just opened a new Twitter account. Tweet me:


DaSandman March 24, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Ok fair enough. Why don't we blame you for being a repulsive old recationary asshat instead?

MissTaken March 24, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Huuked on foniks werked fer mee!

mrblifil March 24, 2011 at 1:43 pm

suk mah 8——-> chk u fk

trampndirtdown March 25, 2011 at 11:46 pm

3===D~ O-;}

widestanceroman March 24, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Has it occurred to Capt. Asshat that a character-limited media might not be appropriate for entire press releases, but rather for short missives, like 'OMG I am sofa king retarded'?

And for the record, I am not complaining. I am flat out mocking the hell out of his dumb ass for my own personal gain.

DashboardBuddha March 24, 2011 at 2:01 pm

No Networking For Old Men

DahBoner March 24, 2011 at 2:12 pm

There was a box:

Upon forcing the boxes open, we discovered several guns, amour and some boxes amongst which two contained bullets, one filled with
harddrugs(heroine)and the other two to my amazement contained some US Dollars which amounted to $23.5M after I and two of the soldiers counted them for about3 hours. I believe the boxes if not owned are linked to the Al Qaeda and Ayman al-Zawahiri.

I however instructed them to keep this in high secrecy so that we can have the money to our selves, they all agreed to the plan and we were going to get the money out of the country but first we had to hide the money in some safe and untraceable location. This made me toconsult with a friend in our force who went with me and the two other officers to secretly keep the boxes in a safer place after which we handed over the drugs and the weaponry to our superiors.

I am now in desperate need of a Reliable and Trustworthy person like you who would receive, secure and protect these boxes containing the US Dollars forme up on till my assignment elapses here.We cannot afford to leave the boxes here in Iraq for any reason since Iraq is getting unsafe and dangerous everyday….

dox[acted] March 24, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Grassley's struggle with Twitter has way more to do with mental limits than character limits.

CapnFatback March 24, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Grassley says he knows how to spell-butt? I may be wrong, but I believe that this is Twitter speak for "I'm into ass play."

elviouslyqueer March 24, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Et bg psnd rt dks Grassyass #mthrfkr

Gleem_McShineys March 24, 2011 at 3:21 pm

lght NaCl plz

BarackMyWorld March 24, 2011 at 2:48 pm

My twitter is going to be devoted to complaining about his complaining about my complaining.

So there!


edit: And the serial downfisters be back. I'm giving a retaliatory thumbs up to everyone on this thread. Boo-yah!

BarackMyWorld March 24, 2011 at 3:02 pm

And the serial downfisters be back, yo.

HolyCow!! March 24, 2011 at 2:51 pm

I follow his feed just to read the dumb things he tweets.

ironhead77 March 24, 2011 at 4:03 pm

I don't "tweet."

Personally, I find it offensive. It's an attack against language, among other things.

natoslug March 24, 2011 at 5:14 pm

I have a twitter account, but have yet been able to bring myself to use it. It's sort of like the condom I used to carry in my wallet — useless, unused and a vain attempt to show that I am cool. And probably just as likely to guarantee that I'll get laid.

ultraducharme March 24, 2011 at 7:54 pm

120 characters: That reminds me of when a Brit told me that while "Americans weren't very good in geography" (true dat), he knew "all about my 52 states."


ttommyunger March 25, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Hahahaha! The joke is on us! Don't need to be able to spell, count or govern, so long as he can suck that sweet, sweet, rock-hard Koch.

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