CORN MAZE  11:15 am March 24, 2011

Bachmann Going To Officially Run For President As Soon As They Make Her

by Jack Stuef

History.By this point, the Republicans who are going to run for president all have to know they’re doing it, right? It’s not like any of these people have to “talk it over with their family”; nobody’s going to let expendable things like a spouse or children get in the way of their rightful place on the big stage before a roaring sitting ovation of adoring old Teabaggers on scooters. According to CNN, Michele Bachmann is planning on filing her exploratory committee in June, though she will get that set up earlier if it’s a requirement for her to enter debates. We can all breathe a sigh of relief — Michele Bachmann is running for president, and she’s bringing her into-the-distance banshee death glare to the speakey contests.

But if she knows she’s running now, why wait till June? Bachmann is traveling around these early primary states like a common floozy right now, even though she has yet to put on her white dress and make the commitment before God and the community to run for president. Campaigning is only safe and proper within the bounds of an official presidential run. She should abstain from it and save her purity while she still can. Campaigning is a special thing, and waiting until you’ve filed the papers and can share it with a devoted electorate is the greatest gift you can give to them. It’s cynical to do it now just because you promise to file in a few months. If you think you’re ready for this commitment, you should just file now, Michele.

Haven’t you learned from Bristol Palin’s mistakes at all? [CNN]

 

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{ 190 comments }

GuyClinch March 24, 2011 at 11:19 am

Hopefully when she goes in to file the papers, the clerk accidentally (or not) hands her papers for self-commitment. This lady's needed a straight-jacket for some long while now.

Whatever March 24, 2011 at 5:33 pm

yeah, VERY true but… (you knew there was a butt)

I would do her. (Over a table with a ball gag, granted but still.)

Yes, yes, hit me with the downfist (right) ban hammer (left).

ManchuCandidate March 24, 2011 at 11:20 am

Sweet Zombie Jeebus. She's like a little insecure (weren't we all, but she's supposed to be a fucking adult) kid going around passing notes to all the teabaggers that say:

Please check one. Do you:

Like Me?

Hate Me?

Dipshit.

Fare la Volpe March 24, 2011 at 11:50 am

___ Like Me?

___ Hate Me?

_X_ Dipshit

Preferred Customer March 24, 2011 at 12:39 pm

I pick "dipshit."

PresBeeblebrox March 24, 2011 at 11:20 am

I totally want her. Is that bad?

ManchuCandidate March 24, 2011 at 11:24 am

Crazy in head, great in bed.

Problem is what comes after to paraphrase George Bluth Sr:
"You don't fuck crazy. You never fuck crazy"

Which leads to:
"Fucked in the head, better off dead."

ttommyunger March 24, 2011 at 11:24 am

Everybody wants a little dose of crazy once in a while. 'Course, she's a great huge fucking ginormous dose, though…

MildMidwesterner March 24, 2011 at 11:28 am

From what I hear of Berlusconi, Bachmann could only improve relations with Italy.

harry_palmer March 24, 2011 at 11:29 am

I wouldn't mind being on her exploratory committee, nudge nudge wink wink say no more.

refudiatedness March 24, 2011 at 11:41 am

I hate to admit it that I am right there with you. And while Manchu is correct that never stopped me in my youth.

Lascauxcaveman March 24, 2011 at 1:08 pm

She looks really good in that photo, in an almost Stepfordian kind of way. (Someone has flicked the switch on her back to the "standby" mode, until her services are needed)

In most shots of her, however, it's "Eww. Neck wattles."

hagajim March 24, 2011 at 11:42 am

Drop a batch in her eyes and run like hell!

PresBeeblebrox March 24, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Perez would have added a dribble to the corner of her mouth in that photo.

BarryOPotter March 24, 2011 at 2:36 pm

Drop a batch in her eyes…

HA! Damn near choked on my lunch!

SorosBot March 24, 2011 at 11:48 am

Yes. She's hideous, both in looks and personality.

mrblifil March 24, 2011 at 12:09 pm

There is no sex in the Champagne Room.

June_Cleaver2.0 March 24, 2011 at 12:17 pm

No, sad, but you are only off by one letter.

mrpuma2u March 24, 2011 at 12:33 pm

If you hit something as crazy as that, you make up a crazy get the f$%& out story like "I have to go break into a planned parenthood and vandalize it" and someone as nuts as her will believe you. Just do not go to sleep anywhere near her afterwords, if you value your life/intact man parts.

Oblios_Cap March 24, 2011 at 12:46 pm

I used to feel that way. But the more I see and read about her, the more repugnant she becomes. It's the classic "She was really hot and then she had to go and open their mouths and ruin it" sorta thing. Especially if there's no booze around to make things easier to stomach.

PresBeeblebrox March 24, 2011 at 12:52 pm

That's what ball gags are for.

MrsBiggTime March 24, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Ball gags on a teabagger. God I love it when things just come together like this.

GortRay March 24, 2011 at 1:38 pm

I think I saw her, err..I mean this guy I know saw her on that website "Moms in Sperm"

chascates March 24, 2011 at 11:20 am

Exploratory committees are the new Ponzi schemes.

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] March 24, 2011 at 11:39 am

Hello to you good sir or madam, I am an exiled Nigerian prince who wishes to run for the Republican presidential nomination. If you will allow me to use your bank account to transfer funds into my PAC I will let you keep 10% and allow you to be my running mate…

WriteyWriterton March 24, 2011 at 2:57 pm

…please send me your e-mail address, bank account and routing numbers, and Hoverround VIN.

PopeyesPipe March 24, 2011 at 11:20 am

Her insides are made of tentacles, tar, and crystal figurines.

Trannysurprise March 24, 2011 at 1:28 pm

And a tentacle laden tar crystal Jesus.

BlueMonkeh March 24, 2011 at 1:32 pm

If it's black tar that could explain a few things.

Tommmcatt March 24, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Nah. Those are "Precious Moments" figurines for sure.

教授 Zoom March 24, 2011 at 11:22 am

Hmmmm…will there be enough crazy to go around?

SayItWithWookies March 24, 2011 at 11:30 am

There will be — 2012 is gonna be the insanity equivalent of the wedding at Cana.

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] March 24, 2011 at 11:46 am

If the history of America teaches us anything, it's that crazy is a renewable resource.

harry_palmer March 24, 2011 at 11:22 am

Would te rest of the world just say fuck it and nuke us from all sides if this fembot became Pres? Would they be wrong?

DaRooster March 24, 2011 at 11:45 am

At least they could put us out of our misery that is bound to come should such a thing happen.

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] March 24, 2011 at 11:50 am

Moot point. I'm pretty sure Crazy Eyes there being elected would usher in Armageddon. See Babylon, whore of.

BlueMonkeh March 24, 2011 at 1:33 pm

I don't know. I think Putin would want to do her first.

Terry March 24, 2011 at 11:22 am

Wonkette should hold a contest to see if anyone can find a photo of Bachmann where she doesn't either have a vacant stare or the crazy eyes.

DaRooster March 24, 2011 at 11:46 am

Quick, snap a shot while she's asleep.

trondant March 24, 2011 at 11:56 am

♫ And she's watchin' us all – in the eye of the cougar ♫

trondant March 24, 2011 at 11:23 am

She has the eyes of a retarded housecat captivated by a bird outside her window.

Jim89048 March 24, 2011 at 1:02 pm

I am so stealing this, which will make me look funny on other blogs, which are not Wonkette…

freakishlywrong March 24, 2011 at 11:24 am

This is a little OT, or not, but it needs to be said. Because if ole' crazy pants is taken seriously we're too far gone.

Here's how it works:
Obamar: "The Sky is Blue"
Immediately, Frank Luntz scribbles the talking point:
"The dithering tyrant, Obama, has said the sky is blue. It is, in fact, azure. He is a Muslim.
Hoards of wingnuts, appear on Fox 24/7 to advance this meme including apoplectic meltdowns and tears from the hate filled, pink balloon that is Glenn Beck.
Cable "news" picks up the "controversy". CNN promptly devotes hours of coverage as to whether or not the sky is blue.
All Sunday "news" shows quickly book a line-up made solely of Conservatives.
The sky actually was never blue, it has always been azure. Obama is incompetent.
Enhanced interrogation techniques are not torture.
The End.

Ducksworthy March 24, 2011 at 11:42 am

I hope to Gawd that you are freakishly wrong.

freakishlywrong March 24, 2011 at 11:50 am

And I hope that mean comments roll off your thick skin, like the Wassillabilly.

Fare la Volpe March 24, 2011 at 11:54 am

The Onion did a fantastic piece on just that subject
http://www.theonion.com/video/obama-denies-accusa

freakishlywrong March 24, 2011 at 12:06 pm

I have only seen a few of those, they're showing them now on IFC. Almost too spot on. That anchor really is the female Billo, smug and mean. And wrong.

DustBowlBlues March 24, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Exactly. Which is why the Democrats should launch a campaign to legislate shooting yourself in the head as illegal. And talk about it a lot. Obama should give a speech about the pending legislation, giving a exclusive interviews to Mother Jones and The Nation editorial boards. Just box those fuckers into committing suicide, as is their constitutional right.

June_Cleaver2.0 March 24, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Would you please email your comment to the lamestream media, so they can see what they look like in the mirror?

LabRodent March 24, 2011 at 11:24 am

I've been around the block a few times and thats the cold dead stare of a very freaky girrrrl.

jus_wonderin March 24, 2011 at 11:32 am

"the kind you don't take home to mother'???

freakishlywrong March 24, 2011 at 11:36 am

Nor elect for President.

horsedreamer_1 March 24, 2011 at 11:41 am

She will be Bottom Secretary for the D/s, though.

widestanceroman March 24, 2011 at 11:57 am

Watch yo mouf.

Oh, damn, wrong song again!

WordSaladNation March 24, 2011 at 3:59 pm

+69!!!!!

Lefty_Lucy March 24, 2011 at 11:25 am

She needs to swap an eye with Scott Walker. I think they got switched in the Teabagger factory.

mereoblivion March 24, 2011 at 11:25 am

Ain't this fear of commitment the proof we've needed that Michele's a man?

Fare la Volpe March 24, 2011 at 11:46 am

Her husband sure as hell ain't.

mereoblivion March 24, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Futher proof? Hmm . . .

Hatrabbit March 24, 2011 at 11:25 am

Things the exploratory committee could explore Michele Bachmann for:

a clue
a soul
tapeworms

Jaded[redacted] March 24, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Also, Dentata.

superdave March 24, 2011 at 11:26 am

Yes, Yes, a thousand times YES!!!

Sign me up for TEH CRAZYZ!!!

Blendergoathead March 24, 2011 at 11:27 am

I'm sending a big-ass publisher's clearing house-style posterboard check for a million Ameros to her campaign, just to see how long it takes her to figure that out. Fucktard.

Hatrabbit March 24, 2011 at 11:28 am

Apocalypse Barbie For President.

widestanceroman March 24, 2011 at 11:29 am

I'd vote for her, but I'm waiting for an endorsement from my 'black-robed master.'

ttommyunger March 24, 2011 at 11:29 am

" …save her purity… "? It is to larf! That bitch has had her cherry pounded so far up her ass she uses it for a back-up light! Her pussy hangs down like a wet pea-coat sleeve, fer Chrissakes! She has a cunt like a horse-collar. She thinks it's tight because when you get both hands in, you can't clap them… Thank you, thank you very much. I'll be here all week.

mrpuma2u March 24, 2011 at 12:35 pm

The phrase "throwing a hot dog down a hallway" comes to mind….

ttommyunger March 24, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Strapping on snow skis…

Swampgas_Man March 24, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Or, "Landing a toy airplane in the grand canyon."

mog253 March 24, 2011 at 1:37 pm

ewwwwwwwww, just say'n

ttommyunger March 24, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Me tewwwww!

Schmannnity March 24, 2011 at 11:30 am

Bachmann and Palin in head-to-head competition. Hey Limbaugh! Where's your party of ideas now?

jus_wonderin March 24, 2011 at 11:54 am

Deathmatch????

Swampgas_Man March 24, 2011 at 3:14 pm

BAD ideas are still ideas.

baconzgood March 24, 2011 at 11:32 am

Sarah and Michele both running? That debate will be more scripted than the WWF doing a production of Glengarry Glen Ross.

nedbeaumontjr March 24, 2011 at 10:45 pm

If "Pam Atlas" joins in, we'll have Sarah Michele Gellar, and Buffy will save us all.

harry_palmer March 24, 2011 at 11:32 am

"Lie a doll's eyes …"

Conflabberdaddled March 24, 2011 at 11:32 am

she has yet to put on her white dress and make the commitment before God and the community

oh for purity's sake, say she has to shave her head, pleeaaase –

"And underneath her wimple
She has mad hornets in her hair
Michelle is not an asset to the Party –

I'd like to say a word on her behalf.
Michele
makes me
laugh ♪♫

SexySmurf March 24, 2011 at 11:32 am

This should be her campaign song.

ويجا المجلس March 24, 2011 at 11:36 am

Some girls indeed!

BTWBFDIMHO March 24, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Or Bitch, or Stupid Girl, or Oh No, Not You Again.

ThundercatHo March 24, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Thank you Jesus, Thank you Lord. Yep.

Texan_Bulldog March 24, 2011 at 11:32 am

I think she's still daydreaming about that time she rammed her tongue down W's throat after a SoU address. That's the only time W has ever quickly retreated.

jus_wonderin March 24, 2011 at 11:56 am

What, no bach rubs for Michelle?

riverside68 March 24, 2011 at 12:39 pm

How about when Babs pulled out the fetus-in-a-jar?

Weenus299 March 24, 2011 at 11:32 am

Bachman/LarryCableGuy 2013

user-of-owls March 24, 2011 at 11:33 am

The only difference between her and Tiririca is that he explicitly ran as a semi-literate clown.

ablington March 24, 2011 at 11:34 am

As far as ridiculous GOP ladeez go, Palin is the the big loser here. She has been usurped by a crazy gal who is actually DOIN' IT BETTER. I predict Bachmann will wipe the floor with Mittens and Newt, and the USA will enter a Golden Age of Crazy.

V5¹∞ª℠≠½6³√•4° March 24, 2011 at 12:10 pm

Barry got lucky in '08 when McCain (1) won the nomination, (2) "suspended" his campaign to solve the financial crisis, and (3) picked Alaskunt.

Could Barry get that lucky again? Signs point to yes!

GunToting[Redacted] March 24, 2011 at 12:40 pm

In the spirit of bipartisanship, Barry will concede the election in late September 2012.

riverside68 March 24, 2011 at 12:43 pm

I always said Barry was smart and good, but most important, he was lucky.

Opponent in Senate race forces wife to strip club and divorce papers leak during the campaign. The whole economy tanks in September.

My moneys on the black guy!

V5¹∞ª℠≠½6³√•4° March 24, 2011 at 12:46 pm

When they asked Napoleon whether he preferred courageous or brilliant generals, he said, “Neither. I want lucky generals.”

WriteyWriterton March 24, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Wait, what? Barry's black?

randcoolcatdaddy March 24, 2011 at 11:34 am

Bachmann's probably be the only candidate capable of giving Kim Jong Il a run for his money in the bat-shit crazy department.

Swampgas_Man March 24, 2011 at 3:17 pm

A true meeting of minds, and they'd both have nukes. Yipe!

baconzgood March 24, 2011 at 11:34 am

Michele Bachmann/ Sarah Palin in the Thunderdome

"TWO BITCH ENTER ONE CUNT LEAVE!!! TWO BITCH ENTER ONE CUNT LEAVE!!! TWO BITCH ENTER ONE CUNT LEAVE!!! TWO BITCH ENTER ONE CUNT LEAVE!!!"

DownFist Troll March 24, 2011 at 12:03 pm

I award you 2 intertubes for this post.

baconzgood March 24, 2011 at 12:08 pm

THANKS

I'm trying my best to get 112 pee today because work is attempting to disable Wonkette on me.

Allmighty_Manos March 24, 2011 at 11:34 am

The funniest/saddest part about all this is she's as much of a "serious" contender at this point as Tim Pawlenty or Haley Barbour.

Fare la Volpe March 24, 2011 at 11:42 am

Or that Pizza McCain guy.

SorosBot March 24, 2011 at 11:50 am

When the most reasonable, sane candidate is fuckin' Mittens, you know we're in for a parade of psychotic clowns.

jus_wonderin March 24, 2011 at 11:58 am

Stephen King, are you listening?

jus_wonderin March 24, 2011 at 11:34 am

We're gonna need a bigger chalkboard.

SayItWithWookies March 24, 2011 at 11:35 am

Oh, to see a debate with Bachmann, Palin, Huckabee and Gingrich all on the same stage — I could record that and if the acid supply completely disappeared I wouldn't miss it.

jus_wonderin March 24, 2011 at 11:59 am

If only spittle and crazy could be a power source.

Jim89048 March 24, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Throw in The Donald, and you'd really have something.

betweenstations March 24, 2011 at 11:35 am

Don't you remember when she was a 'Presidential Exploratory Committee' during a Bush SOTU address? Her tongue did plenty of exploring.

I think her new 'Exploratory Committee' may be looking for Obama's birth certificate.

SorosBot March 24, 2011 at 11:36 am

But is she a duck?

lowaltflier March 24, 2011 at 11:36 am

Palin and Bachmann in the Primary debates? Comedy Gold.

Not_So_Much March 24, 2011 at 11:44 am

Going to be a run on the word 'also' — better stock up now.

betweenstations March 24, 2011 at 11:55 am

How about Palin and Bachmann skipping debate and doing Jello wrestling? Bill Cosby can referee.

LionHeartSoyDog March 24, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Puddin' Pops…

nounverb911 March 24, 2011 at 11:37 am

Her first executive order will be to close all of the socialist public schools and make everyone home school their kids, just like she did.

Not_So_Much March 24, 2011 at 11:42 am

She's a shining example of what education can do for you in this country. Wait, maybe that's just the light shining through her ears?

Hatrabbit March 24, 2011 at 11:37 am

It looks like wasps are eating her brain in that photo.

elviouslyqueer March 24, 2011 at 11:43 am

Oh please. Her brain shriveled up and died of despair years ago. I'd wager those wasps are having to navigate through the forest of cobwebs between her ears.

BlueMonkeh March 24, 2011 at 1:42 pm

The wasps are starving.

metamarcisf March 24, 2011 at 11:37 am

When Ms. Bachmann finally throws her hat into the ring, if she can decide which hat, it is incumbent on Wonkette to adhere to the double standard promoted by the mainstream media. She must be derided for her opinions because she's a "chick", not because her statements can cause the paint to peel off the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.

V5¹∞ª℠≠½6³√•4° March 24, 2011 at 12:13 pm

What does she know about national defense? Never been in the military!
What if she has her period when Putin rears his head? (Well, okay, that ship will have sailed by Jan 2013)

For the record, the Sistine Chapel ceiling is a fresco, where the paint's mixed w/plaster, so not even Miche1e's braying midwestern nose-tones could strip it, thank Jeebus and that Michaelangelo dude.

Fare la Volpe March 24, 2011 at 11:39 am

"W-A-T-E-R, Michelle. WATER."

jus_wonderin March 24, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Win!

widestanceroman March 24, 2011 at 12:04 pm

We 'see' what you did there.

gullywompr March 24, 2011 at 11:00 pm

best

Hatrabbit March 24, 2011 at 11:40 am

Watching Michele in the debates will be like watching Carrie being crowned Prom Queen.

Swampgas_Man March 24, 2011 at 3:18 pm

She's already covered w/ pig's blood.

ويجا المجلس March 24, 2011 at 11:40 am

So instead of SexySmurf's Grrrl With the Faraway Eyes you'd be more for When the Whip Comes Down as Bachmann's campaign song?

elviouslyqueer March 24, 2011 at 11:45 am

That, or Devo's classic "Whip It." Potato, potahtoe.

Not_So_Much March 24, 2011 at 11:40 am

How many of her government-funded terror babies will she use as props at speaking events? Is there a kicker payment if the over/under is above 6?

nounverb911 March 24, 2011 at 11:40 am

"Haven’t you learned from Bristol Palin’s mistakes at all?"
Bachmann's having an illegitimate meth baby?

jus_wonderin March 24, 2011 at 12:04 pm

I think it is just a warning about getting banged in the toolshed on the back of a snowmachine. An ounce of prevention thing…….

freakishlywrong March 24, 2011 at 11:40 am

Debates should be interesting because she NEVER goes off sanctioned talking points. Ever.
Moderator: "What would you do about high unemployment"?
MB: "I FOUND 102 MILLION DOLLARS HIDDEN IN OBAMACARE. THEY DIDN'T READ THE BILL AND THEN RAMMED IT DOWN OUR THROATS11!"

Moderator: "Uhh..ok..thanks. Mr Obama?"

hagajim March 24, 2011 at 11:47 am

And she'll have signs to hold up

betweenstations March 24, 2011 at 11:56 am

That's what is known as 'deep throating the bill.'

Although she had 5 kids. Maybe if she'd learned to swallow she'd have gotten enough protein that her brain wouldn't have atrophied.

Hatrabbit March 24, 2011 at 11:42 am

Hey Downfister,

When I was fucking your mother the other day she told me all about your bedwetting problem.

So sad..

jus_wonderin March 24, 2011 at 12:04 pm

For some, that is a game of auto-watersports.

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] March 24, 2011 at 11:42 am

…she will get that set up earlier if it’s a requirement for her to enter debates.

That dead eyed zealot wants to be part of the debates? Oh, this should be good.

(And by good I of course mean soul-killingly horrific.)

hagajim March 24, 2011 at 11:46 am

So does this mean that the current five stooges (almost) running for Preznit are Fatty (Haley), Snoozy (T-Paw), Creepy (Newt), Cunty (Palin) and Schizoid (Bachmann)…sounds like a murderers row of FAIL!

DownFist Troll March 24, 2011 at 11:46 am

Look out right of center Democrats radical communists! Michelle Bachman's gonna use the entire power of the Scooby team Federal government and smoke you out!

Ducksworthy March 24, 2011 at 11:47 am

I've dated a few girls like Michele. The always smelled funny.

mrblifil March 24, 2011 at 12:14 pm

It's the left over cooze that seeps into the pitted areas caused by thigh chafing.

jus_wonderin March 24, 2011 at 12:25 pm

Maybe she needs the one with "wings".

Jim89048 March 24, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Or a propeller.

CapeClod March 24, 2011 at 11:47 am

Finally. A candidate that can mangle the English language and American history. A double threat.

rocktonsam March 24, 2011 at 11:48 am

I'm worried about the money being pissed away on these exploratory committees.

What about the money? Who will care about the money?

Does extortion quack like a duck also?

ulTIMum March 24, 2011 at 11:49 am

Every minority, beit the street thugs in 30s Berlin or the fascists in the same era in the UK or Repugnant plutocrats today, must herd the ignorant mobs to attain goals. The problem is what to do with the useless slogs when they've served their purpose. Hitler used the Night of the Long Knives, and Lady Mosley, the effete Metford twit, when asked if she would be socializing with the goons they used to beat up communists at rallies, replied "Certainly not!"

Now you have Rational Repugs trying to prick the balloons of these fabulous frauds. Long may they run.

WhatTheHeck March 24, 2011 at 11:53 am

Her exploratory committee’s first rule is to visit Israel and then stop off in India for a cameo role in a Bolywood singing/dancing film. This is the sacred path of republican women seeking the presidency as prescribed by rightwing gurus.

ويجا المجلس March 24, 2011 at 11:54 am

Jack I think you missed something with your photo mark-up. Looks to me like Michele had a confused (no shit) and put her iPad in her knickers and she's trying to text on her LightDaze.

johnnymeatworth March 24, 2011 at 11:59 am

So "deer in the headlights" is a plus for this gig? Neat!

Steverino247 March 24, 2011 at 12:00 pm

A Presidential debate with Bachmann and Palin would be like watching the women of Barley Townswomen's Guild re-enacting the Battle of Pearl Harbor.

BlueMonkeh March 24, 2011 at 1:48 pm

HA!

Walkinwiddaking March 27, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Good one.

MozakiBlocks March 24, 2011 at 12:00 pm

So Batshit Crazy joins Batshit Retarded, Batshit Horny, Batshit Boring, Batshit Racist and just plain Batshit in the GOP 2012 fandango.

"Winning!"

BklynIlluminati March 24, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Shouldn't the theme music from the exorcist be playing?

Steverino247 March 24, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Presented as a public service, Tubular Bells… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYmIKcP7Nbc

Winnie_Cooper March 24, 2011 at 12:07 pm

I don't know about Bachmann, but this certainly explains the Huckabees: http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2011/03/24/frequent

Steverino247 March 24, 2011 at 12:08 pm

And now for the staff directory of her Exploratory Committee…
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079945/fullcredits

jus_wonderin March 24, 2011 at 12:52 pm

"To seek out millions of dollars, to oldly go where no crazy has gone before…."

mrblifil March 24, 2011 at 12:12 pm

Yeah this is going nowhere because she'd have to unleash her gay husband…
http://media.nowpublic.net/images//6b/b/6bbe7a7e1

mavenmaven March 24, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Her attack on schools should help her popularity: http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20110323/us_nm/us_iowa
But isn't Justin LaVan that Satanist guy?

PrezCamacho March 24, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Palin – Bachmann 2012 – making sure the Apocalypse starts on time!

ph7 March 24, 2011 at 12:25 pm

I'll contribute if she poses as the Page 3 girl for the DailyCaller.

freakishlywrong March 24, 2011 at 12:25 pm

Don't forget "Teh Donald"…Jesus H. we're fucked..

freakishlywrong March 24, 2011 at 12:27 pm

When she speaks it sounds like a puckered anus as well.

Callyson March 24, 2011 at 12:28 pm

But if both Bachmann and Palin run, which one will Tina Fey portray? They'll have to hire a new comedienne just for the primary…
…but at least we know where the jobs are now…

Jim89048 March 24, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Sara Benincasa, obvs!

philpjfry March 24, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Civilization is officaly over

prommie March 24, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Why don't they just dig up Reagan's corpse and run that for president? The Constitution nowhere specifies that a president must be "living" or "alive." Sure, there are provisions for when a president dies while in office, but I don't see how those would apply to a president who was already dead when elected.

MinAgain March 24, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Seriously, there must be some lead paint in her eyemake-up.

PublicLuxury March 24, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Will someone just kill me now? Oh wait. Fuck me first then kill me, I wanna die happy.

GeneralLerong March 24, 2011 at 12:47 pm

$arah vs. Michelle – Death Match 2012. Better than women-in-prison movies!

I think I'll go pop some popcorn right now – even the mind movie is worth watching.

hagajim March 24, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Throw in some plastic sheeting and some Santorum and it'll be a party.

BTWBFDIMHO March 24, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Ha, yes!

[redacted]hse March 24, 2011 at 12:57 pm

This should be good.

owhatever March 24, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Moderator: How should the budget be proportioned?
Sarah: Americans are supportin' me.
Michelle: No they're not. Bitch.
Sarah: Are too, you librul ho.
Michelle: I'm gonna kick your skanky ass at the polls.
Sarah: Leave my family out of this. Only pole you know is the one you dance with.
Moderator: I quit.

VaWyo March 24, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Ok, Sara Benincasa, it's time for another video!

pinkocommi March 24, 2011 at 1:31 pm

We've elected a Catholic and now a black President. It's time that the certifiably mentally ill had their day in the sun.

MissTaken March 24, 2011 at 1:39 pm

My liver is already scared of the drinking games that will accompany the primary debates with Michele. __

Steverino247 March 24, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Let us not forget Ryan's Law: Never fuck anybody crazier than you are.

lulzmonger March 24, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Welfare Queefs!

frostbitefalls March 24, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Oh please, please MIchele, don't throw me in the the briar patch!

DustBowlBlues March 24, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Meanwhile, scores of comedy writers from Will Durst to SNL to Comedy Central announce a prayer vigil for Batshit to declare immediately AND introduce a bill calling for the reinstution of HUAC. (And that last one would make Tweety happy. )

I, meanwhile, wait to hear David Brooks' tortured rationalizations on why this Republitard lineup isn't completely bonkers, batshit losers while Mark Shields and EJ Dionne sit back and laugh.

BTW–I still hate Republithugs, dead, alive or in a coma. Hate them. Hate them with a fury that would render me dangerous, if I weren't a liberal with no guns and no knowledge of how they work, even if I had one.

BarryOPotter March 24, 2011 at 2:46 pm

logical disconnects measured in parsecs

Parsecs? Psh. At least gigaparsecs and that's just during the 'exploratory' phase of this mission

BarackMyWorld March 24, 2011 at 2:58 pm

For those of you keeping score at home:

4 years as U.S. Senator and 8 as state legislator = not enough experience to be president.

4 years in U.S. House and 6 as state legislator = plenty of experience.

Pragmatist2 March 24, 2011 at 3:09 pm

With Liz Taylor gone, there is a vacant "Gay Icon" slot.
Who better to fit the bill than Michelle!

Walkinwiddaking March 25, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Gay Icon? Nah, hot looking MILF. And nothing more.

WVUer21 March 24, 2011 at 5:33 pm

This would be the single greatest thing to happen to Wonkette. Ever.

moar_plz March 24, 2011 at 9:46 pm

Suddenly someone is running for office
The girl with kaleidoscope eyes

cpmondello March 27, 2011 at 11:23 am

Only the elimination of all conservative Christians will allow all Americans to be free and the world to no longer have to live in fear of the U.S.A.'s imperialist, terrorist holy war. The conservative ideology has never helped mankind in any way, it has not only never helped mankind in anyway, it has oppressed, murdered, raped and killed all those in it's way to gain power. History shows us this. Fact shows us this. James Madison, the "Father of the U.S. Constitution", along with many founders of this country, regardless of their religious or non-religious affiliations, knew keeping politics and religion separate not only preserves each, but helps them flourish: "The number, the industry, and the morality of the Priesthood and the devotion of the people have been manifestly increased by the total separation of the Church and the State."

cpmondello March 27, 2011 at 11:24 am

5-17-2010
Republican Conservative Christian Rep. Bachmann’s clinic takes in thousands from “socialized medicine”: http://www.americanindependent.com/9517/bachmann%

Troglodeity March 28, 2011 at 5:45 pm

The GOP needs an elder statesman. I hear Tom Tancredo's available.

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