America’s greatest political movement, Sketchy Old White People Driving Their RVs Around On Government Checks, have decided they just can’t quit Washington — so they’re coming back for yet another rally. We are super happy to still be on their mailing list.
Thursday, March 31: Never Forget! Why not the weekend, like usual? Well, when you don’t work for a living there’s no need to wait for the weekend! Or, as Justin Bieber’s parents used to sing, “Everybody’s workin’ for the weekend, everybody but olds on SSI!”
Shall we have an equally lame “Wonkette Gay Freedom/War On War/Sex Thing/Lunch Picnic” at the same time? The Tea Party Patriots inform us that they’ve really organized nothing at this point, so we can really “set the agenda.” For example, maybe we should make it a “Paintball Competition,” for freedom.
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Continuing Revolution sounds like a really lame Beatles tribute band.
I think it was that 80s one hit wonder Dead or Alive…
You teabag me right around baby right round like a hoveround wide load round round round…
"lame Beatles tribute band."
That's redundant.
Lame tribute band is redundant period.
i thought the idea of permanent revolution was…communist!
Actually it was Leon Trotsky was talked about the permanent revolution.
well, that would explain his fate. who's the Trotsky of the Tea Party, then?
Whereas Trucknutz Fartstack is the best Beatles tribute band name EVER.
Yes. Yes it is.
Pie eating contest please
Ka-ro drinking contest to follow
Mrs. Fartsack should be proud!
Yea, but Mrs. Shit for Brains is insanely jealous!
Sure, fine, but Mrs. Shit-for-Brains is going to be insanely jealous!
Don't go bringing Crazy-Eyes Bachmann into this yet.
Ahhh, Trucknutz. Which reminds me — do they make Trucknutz for Hoverounds?
Don't need to cause the nutz are real. Gravity doesn't just work on boobs, you know….
It's the only way these particular group of fatties know they still have a pair.
You should make them and sell them at the event, for the capitalism, because Jeebus loves capitalism.
"Rascal Nutz" – why didn't I think of this sooner? This is why I can't have nice things.
No, they are all eunuchs!
How about a frolf competition? I'd love to bounce a few frisbees off of some teatards' heads.
How about just a rolf competition? I'd love to bounce a few knuckles of some teatard's soft tissue.
"Are you angry about something? Tell us what it is! Then we'll be angry about it too! Also, money please."
"And pie… delicious, delicious pie."
Not to be outdone by that hip pizza joint in Madison, the Capital Hill CVS is taking online orders for Metamucil to be delivered to the protesters.
Hey. Watch it with the Metamucil jokes. Perfect dumps!
Me likey psylllium fiber. Me colon likey, too.
Don't forget the Depends.
Wonkette Thirsty Thursday Freedom Orgy '11!
HOW THE FUCK DOES ONE PROTEST ONESELF EXACTLY!!!? That's it I'm cutting a switch and going to give you tea-baggers such lickin' for the "principle of "logic"!
Hey now… according to standard teabagger protocols, switches are only used for beating children, women, and minorities. Bonus if the person is all three.
"going to give you tea-baggers such lickin' "
Please let bacon have meant to say "give them such *A* lickin'", please please please…
You're gonna rip a rotator cuff tryin' to pound logic into a perfectly dense medium. Their brains have the specific gravity of lead.
Brainnnnnsssss…..
"demand they make tough decisions"
Unless said decisions mean cutting their Rascal subsidy, Social Security, and Medicare.
Tough decisions: violently ejecting from the country anyone hispanic, asian, brown or 'other' in appearance, legalizing shooting on site any colored who 'looks suspicious,' and forcing grandkids to stick around for longer than an hour on Sunday even if gramps is having one of his windy days.
Delimiting the date with periods seems a little French, innit?
Shit, Thursday is when I am at Natural History – of course, I guess Teatards would find coming from Capitol Hill on their hoverrounds a long trip to 10th street. On the other hand, I also hate the GOP reps and senators so we actually have something in common.
Sorry, I'll be napping from noon to 1:30.
can i fill my paintballs with diarrhea?
Santorum?
No, but black shells with white paint inside looks like a big bird shit on you when they hit, so there's that.
We insist upon it.
Last time, the saddest sight was the ocean of fat-inflated yellow T-shirts lined up at the food court of the Potomac Mills outlet mall off I-95, and the sad, hopeless, bloated faces of those wearing said shirts. The really earnest teabaggers are pathetic, defeated people with the body language of the self-hating and beaten-down satisfied with sharing a combo meal at Wendy's with a barely-tolerated and sexless spouse. Fucking depressing.
Nice word painting, Mr Turnstiles.
thanks…
but be thankful I didn't bring a camera that day I needed to buy a jizz towel from Nordstrom Rack and encountered the amoeba-form of the American political unconscious
nice, double win!
Wow, yellow, bad idea. I'd suggest black but that looks a little too alt/beat for them. But really, navy blue, they should check into it.
You used them words things good: ELITIST!
(True story: my newly-conservative mother once insulted me by calling me 'urbane')
I think I'm suburbane. But I'm not proud of it.
funny, i use the euphimism "urbane" when i refer to obama in "mixed company."
But is he very, very urbane?
Maybe she was trying to tell you about the brief but torrid affair she had with an urban man.
"an urban man."
One of those guys that wears the thing on his head? No, wait, that's a *turban* man…
"Urban Turban Dick Durbin". Coming to you soon.
This is my favorite explanation so far. Mind if I use this in anecdotal situations? I'll totally give you credit…um, Failure_Artist.
Maybe she was mumbling about her chilblains and you misunderstood her? No?
"urbane" is just code for "gay".
"Newly conservative", eh? They are about as bad as Born-Agains, who are just awful. It's like Christianity on a meth bender.
You nailed it, 4; I can almost smell the Marlboros and bacon grease.
thanks. But much of this crowd was definitely post-Marlboro… either can't afford national-label smokes OR instead smoking the oxygen tank tube from the ET basket on the scooter handlebars
I have, no shit, observed them alternate between the Oxygen and Cigs….Flabbergasting!
Free. Dumbs.
Cost-Cutter, I'm sure.
Wall-Mart Store Brand, no doubt.
Cost-Cutter is the Kroger store brand.
"Fucking depressing."
Or, you know, schadenfreude-tastic.
Why hello downfisty anonymous troll. Fret not, as you too are invited to Wonkette's Day of Gayze. I'll even save a spot for you in my leather sling. Hope you like mango-flavored lube.
Upfisties 4 allz!
Ken, how the f*** do I have more pee points than you? There must be an Upfist Gap in this country.
Nice Tea Klux Klan alias, also.
Crap! I hit the downfistie by mistake. I shall upfist you forever from now on.
Sorry, sorry.
Man, I did that today with a couple of comments. I went in on my other computer and upfisted everyone in the post in penance. (Sorry to the Fine Wonkette Commenters I goofed on.)
mango-flavored lube, eh? Sounds like just the think to celebrate National Chip and Dip Day!
It's magically delicious!
Srsly – this troll is really into the pee and the fisting. NASTY!!! Hope it brings the baby wipes.
"Business as usual" means they're pissed they haven't gotten around to impeaching Obama.
They're still waiting for Biden and Kucinich to do that, silly.
The Kochs have unleashed a multiheaded blubber monster on the US America. A bunch of rascal riding, diabeetus 2 having, corn syrup eating revolutionaries who don't get this math, gubbiment, or lojick but assume they know it all.
Heehee.
You forgot the Meth!
That's mef, thankyouverymuch. You and yer elitist librul consonant clusters.
Koch addicts.
Today, we are all…never mind.
When I read that, I thought, "Lojack? What's Lojack got to do with it? Do they have Lojacks on their Rascals?"
Clearly I'm not fluent in IDIOT.
Well, whatever Our Wonkette organizes, it will no doubt feature Lovely Liz Glover and Young Riley, so it'll be fabulous!
Where in the hell is Young Riley anyway?
He only goes to parties where he is sure to be molested.
Sadly, my first thought about this post was that I wish your subscription name were "Tonguepunch Fartbox."
I'm going to have to take a moment to reflect on my priorities.
Is Ken going to be there? Jeeze, he oughta walk around wearing a tricorn hat.
Wait, they didn't get their freedoms back in the November election?
Rich fuckers like Kochs did, but not the Teabaggers… Suckers.
I'm mad at deficits! and Taxes! Please lower them both but don't touch my fucking medicaid. Also I would like to eat some cake and have the cake after I am done eating it, too.
And if you don't give me a nice "COLA" on my Social Security I will be MAD. Gummint spending on White People Like Me: Not Bad. I would like to go to the anti-gummint rally on the Metro, also, too.
Poor TeaTards. They just don't realize that protestin' is as effective as downfisting: it works at first but then it is easily undone.
Ha! We learned that in early 2003. They're behind the curve a bit.
You mean defunding NPR and Planned Parenthood weren't the "tough decisions" to solve the deficit?
Ken, let me get this straight. You are offering to have sex with scooter-bound sextegenarian fascists who bathe infrequently in exchange for funny fotos. We are all in favor of this, of course. Way to take one for the team!
Ken, Ken, he's our man! If he can't do it, no one can!
No one should, actually. The notion of sex with a TeaOp moran is repugnant.
Damnit. I'm flying into DCA on April 1st.
Let's just hope the Rascals break down so I might be able to commune with my diabetic brethren, as they sit, stranded, on the thoroughfares of the Capital.
Hahahahah teatroll, lick my ass!!!
Bristol has a lot of free time since DWTS ended. She will lick your ass but you have to pay first. She's a hard ass licking worker!
haha, ass but
cash on the counter as always with teh palinz!
Are they going to have a Koch sucking competition?
This is good news for Golden Corral.
I would say it would be good news for whoever makes batteries and tires for "mobility scooters", but then I realized teatards tend to get those with my tax money via medicare fraud.
Can we rent the Ron Paul blimp, and go all old school and dump some "revolution" on them from above, a la' the Kaiser? I figured the WWI reference would bring a tear of nostalgia to the down-fister.
Why would you drop rolls from a blimp? You could hurt somebody if they're 'day old'. Safety first, Crunchy.
The GOP isn't doing enough to satisfy their needs. TeaTards want more Koch!
Is this thing a potluck? What do you bring? A hotdish? Pickels? Chips?
I must confess to my fellow Wonketters…. Pickles Hotdish is my porn name.
*blushes*
Now I want to know you. Any woman who picks up the name "Pickles," there is usually a good reason reason.
Hey, wait a minute, are you a woman? Nevermind.
Wasn't "Pickles" Laura Bush's nickname?
I thought it was Barbara Bush's dead fetus name…
I got yer pickle!
I see your pickle and raise you a flag pole
I believe I own several DVDs of your work, sir/madam. Or wish I did.
This is good newz for D.C. area hover round rental profits.
Snicker all you want, commies. This rally will be a game-changer, on the order of Y2K.
And what exactly is the name of this "game" which will be allegedly changed? Tardopoly?
Strip Twister.
Sorry.
Hey Meta – the last time I peed red it wasn't a good thing. But your red pee looks so purdy. You have a much stronger stomach for the Breitfarting masses than I do. Rage on!
I remember Y2K when Republicans to the Dade County Canvassing Board to stop the recount.
At least there won't be any crowds on the Green Line that day.
best
Will this trump the "Let's Roll. . .to a Stop" roadside Rally on 3/13/2011?
Did we get to flesh out that imagined imagery?
Paint balls? Is this something the kids are doing now a days?
Tea baggin' is the gateway activity.
Instead of their music, I hope. Don't get me started.
Teabaggers love visiting Washington, on a weekday, to protest, and my friend who works in a DC tourism job loves parting them from their money. Generally less thrilled about their casual racism, though.
I understand some of my co-workers in the Hall of Human Origins(you know, where we suggest the earth wasn't created 6ooo years ago) have some trouble with these folks.
I'm sure nothing quite as amazing has having one of them try to haggle with you in a gift shop because you happen to be Asian-American.
Wait, the Hall of Human Origins? You mean the Koch-funded one that was quietly altered to include small bits of climate denial? Wow- it's kinda amazing that the Kochs' army of puppets consist of people too ignorant even to consume Koch propaganda.
Teabaggers! 1st to fight, but always from the rear
Well, at least the good news is that radical liberal ideas seem to have gotten to the crazed down-fister (which, OT, I'm sure he does a lot of in his mom's basement, "1980s Sears catalog!"). He's now quoting Joey Jo Jo Biden now in his fake name! Pretty soon he'll be saying how foxy he finds Nancy Pelosi. The next thing you know, the homo-cults snare another member.
I'm confused. Am I being followed by three repugnant trolls, or just one that keeps changing its name?
My guess is that it's one asshole who is so offensive, even to other baggers, that he has to keep changing his name to be their 'friend.' Either that or someone keeps going off their meds and has a very short attention span. This is also probably why he doesn't have a job.
Bacon paintballs and fat white teatards on Hoverounds sounds like a carny lover's paradise. Let the NOMing begin.
PS I nominate Mr Trucknutz Fartstack for Preziduhnt of the local chapter of Tea Party Patriots. He is truly leading the pack.
They could be doubly effective if, on their way to the protest, they all pull over to the side of the road and sit there.
So this is a continuing revolution? This means that the teabaggers are constantly revolting? That they are always revolting, that they are continually revolting, that they are relentlessly, endlessly revolting? They must be the most revolting revolutionaries in human history.
(I stole that joke from an early 1970s Readers Digest story about the US POWS in the "Hanoi Hilton," which reported that a POW, forced to make a propaganda broadcast praising the glorious North Vietnamese revolution, went on and on about how revolting the Vietnamese were. Since it was Readers Digest, I am sure it never happened).
In that sense, the teabaggers resemble Castro, Mao, and a number of other "continuing revolutionaries" – fighting the counter-revolutionary imperialists!
Name change suggestion:"the koch brothers are TAXED ENOUGH ALREADY"
Slightly OT, but whatever happened to the Republicans you used to be able to have a reasonable discussion with? You know, you could see where they were coming from , and they could see where you were coming from, and where you had a difference, you could just agree to disagree and then go get a beer? Going to college in Northern AZ, I had a bunch of those kind of friends, but now….nada. I have come to the conclusion that
Republican = lying sack of shit
and that makes me sad. Really. Sorry for the lack of snark, but it really does bum me out and make me worry about the country my kids are inheriting.
They all resigned with Nixon.
Even my grandparents, who still think black people all smell funny and only live to shout out of car windows at you, won't vote for these people. But they have some sense of kindness towards the smelly people, unlike these people.
Yup. Ev Dirksen was the last one.
Or the Republican women who donated to Planned Parenthood because they thought it would help the poor (read: blacks) stop having babies.
you are absolutely right and another sad thing: many of the old line (country club type) repubs really have no clue that their party's been taken over by an incoherent rabble. poor dears think they are just 'fringe' and of no great consequence.
They all left when the Moral Majority took over
Mr. Trotsky Goes To Washington
Who are they kidding? It's really an excuse to see the cherry blossoms!
I guess there will be a huge selling off of gold coins so these patriots can make book to D.C.
Then there’s the problem of parking all those trailers and assembling all those with guns to march in an orderly fashion.
I wonder who the Grand Marshall will be?
Garry Marshall?
Marshall Crenshaw?
I think you meant Grand Wizard.
In that case, Haley Barbour.
And Victoria Jackson will be their Queen. (Until they get the news that "Jackson" is a black name.)
Von Runstedt?
"I guess there will be a huge selling off of gold coins so these patriots can make book to D.C. "
Which will seriously delay their travel plans as they try for hours to peel off the foil and get to the delicious, delicious chocolate inside.
You'll get my hanukkah gelt when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers.
Just in time. The fast food and male prostitute businesses in DC were in a slump.
With all of the elevator and escalator problems in the Metro lately, this could end up being absolute hell. Our decrepit transit system can't handle this much girth!
Oh! The HumaniTEA!
a frothy mix of wd40, etc.
Regarding setting the agenda for them, how about a Jim Jones in Guyana mass suicide?
Little cups of poisoned HFCS?
Well, at least they'll have to move their XXXLLL bodies around a bit. They may even lose a little arm flab.
Hmm…my invitation must've gotten lost in the Hotmail.
YIPPEEE!!!!
I'm being followed by a troll!!!! Wha Hooo! and I don't even post that much… there goes what little p-ness I have left.
They are apparently starting to scrape the bottom of the barrel…..
me too- but I never cared about my pscore anyway(unless there are prizes-have there been prizes that I don't know about???)
is it our old friend, unionsRstreetthugs, formerly TheStenchofLiberalism?
why do the teabaggers have so much time on their pudgy little hands?
because they are professional sucklers at the goverment teat!
I think it's name is "Biden- Impeach Obama"
You are correct sir.
It found me some time today… I didn't even know I had it until my GF ask me what I was tracking all over the carpet.
By the way; thanks for the extra p-ness.
Same old clown, same old crying, new and slightly less stupid user name.
I'll follow you, too. I like khaki stripes on my Wonkette.
Perhaps they will steep out…
Let's organize a scooter demolition derby.
I want the Foojool brothers to come and the new Taco truck that was at 7th street yesterday- Muslims and Messicans(or at least pretend ones)!
shoots and larders.
slapblacks
and they can't play Uno because…you know…it's…Mexican.
reloaded questions?
The Tea Party Patriots inform us that they’ve really organized nothing at this point…
Except the Second Coming… 5/21/11.
I doubt these pudge-wagons could manage a first cumming, let alone a repeat.
Wait – what were we talking about?
I hope you like blue; that's what color mine are.
Get a grip, laddie. No, wait, that'll only make it worse.
Too late!
Dear Teabaggers,
We're still waiting for our invitation to come to your house and leave protest signs, HFCS bottles and fast food wrappers all over YOUR lawn.
Signed,
The Residents of the District of Columbia
PS — Yes, it's a 5 cent bag tax — it pays to clean up the river. If you don't like it, bring your own goddamned bag. Isn't that individual responsibility, that golden Libertarian BS you lurve sososo much?
If fifteen TeaTards show up Fox will manage to make it look like the King Speech Crowd, but more pale, much more pale, in fact white, all white, blindingly, totally white.
shutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutup
ok i feel better.
If any of you get fired, I would suggest putting together a diorama of every-day cave life with Adam and Steve.
You'd better watch out – as recent events have proven, their numbers are HUGE.
Behold: THE SHEER BRUTE POWER OF USA FREEDOM!
http://thinkprogress.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/...
I guess they got tired of hanging out in the casinos all day. After the 'revolution', bingo!
Whatever that's a euphemism for, it's disgusting!
Will Pedobear be there… Oh right. Nevermind.
Makes slurping sounds.
Eye roll back in head…
Dang, I wish I could go, holding up a sign which reads:
Cut Social Security in Half
Cut Military Spending in Half
Cut Medicare Spending in Half
or GO THE FUCK HOME
I went to a crappy blind-canned-beer tasting party a couple of years ago. The hands-down unanimous winner of the worst-swill award was PBR.
Any chance of someone dropping some stink bombs on these guys and letting them know that it is not cool to crap their diapers and not change? I really, really hate these comemierdas and I wish people would just beat the caca out of them.
May I suggest that anyone feel free to show up with a "The Koch Brothers thank the Tea Party for showing up" sign? Everyone likes a thank-you note, and the Tea Partiers in Madison seemed sincerely confused by the sentiment (although I did get the impression they might have thought Koch Brothers was a local lumberyard or something).
The teabaggers need to have a big protest on August 27-30, 2012 outside the St. Pete Times Forum in Tampa, Bring yer guns, maybe we can geta photo-op of a national guardsman with face camo sticking a daisy in your barrel.
I was going to suggest the cupcake truck (a DC-based pal of mine loves it and when I get there, I want to find it), but there would probably be a stampede for it, and the line would take three times as long as they processed the price of a cuppycake with non-crap ingredients and kvetched about it like the whiny babies they are.
Anyone feel free to appear with a sign reading, "The Koch Brothers thank the Tea Party for showing up". Everyone likes a thank-you note and, at least in Madison, it seems to make the Tea Partiers sincerely confused. I think some of them thought the Koch Brothers were a local lumberyard, or something.
They're only beginning to understand who's paying for the bus.
Who is this "Gay Marry" and why is she for freedom?
Rapture these fuckers, already. Gawd.
Methinks the tea-toddlers are getting nervous. After the whole Wisconsin thing, they are seeing that they aren't the only Americans mad as hell.
Paintball! Great idea, my dudes are totally into it. Come dressed in all your gear (boy says body armor is for lame pussies tho) and don't forget to freeze your balls.
I will be laughing my ass off when the Congress finally capitulates and cuts all of these stupid fuckers Medicare and gubmint assistance checks….hahahahahahahahahaha
A. Men.
Life-Expectancy Cutter is more like it.
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