the homosexuals!

God-Fearing Gay-Curing iPhone App Destroyed By Homosexual Radicals

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Totally gay.Well, well, well, you say, look who’s rolling up into the Wonkette like he never left!  That is right, it is your Reporter of the Homosexual Menace, who has been frankly quite busy lately with his full-time gig at another pro-America website. But he is here to gloat about his organization condemn the activities of Radical Homofascists, who have truly crossed the line this time, by taking away the only iPhone app (besides Grindr) which was ever any fun for the untold thousands of (apparently invisible) “ex-gays” among us.

Here’s the Official Statement:

Truth Wins Out and praised Apple today after the company removed a virulently anti-gay iPhone app launched by Exodus International that promoted “curing” gay people. The move came after 146,000 people signed a Truth Wins Out petition on calling on Apple to remove the app from iTunes.

“Apple made a wise and responsible decision to dump an offensive app that demonized gay and lesbian people,” said Wayne Besen, Executive Director of Truth Wins Out. “The real winners today are LGBT youth who are safer and less at risk for receiving Exodus’ malice and misinformation.”

Besides the fact that it is preposterous to suggest that there are 146,000 homosexuals on the Internet, this is a shameful thing to do to the Constitution, because as we all learned in Michele Bachmann Constitution School, the First Amendment only applies to Fundamentalist Christians and their various bitching about things!  Moreover, what part of “wingnuts will fellate to a filthy death any company’s right to do anything it damn well pleases, unless that company does something wingnuts do not like,” do these homofascists not understand?

This is America, and these “gays” are ruining it for Godly Christians who wish to deny their true selves, in order that they might enter into bitter, sexless marriages, wherein they admit, to people, that they are in denial about the shame boners they get around guys. (No, really, Alan Chambers, the president of Exodus International totally admits he’s still into dudes.)

(Oh, and one time another “ex-gay” leader told people, in public, that his wife’s vagina is “enough,” and that if it’s not, that it’s “his problem.”  Be honest, ladies:  is there anything else you’d rather hear from your sexing partner than that your lady business is enough?  Who wants a Godly Christian marriage?!)

Anyhow, for shame, homofascists!  What is this world coming to when a corporation responds to the outrage of its customers and does something in line with its own policies, but which makes the fee fees of fundamentalists hurt this bad?

We will give the last word to hate group leader and leather-sex photographer Godly Christian Man Peter LaBarbera, who felt led by his Lord and Savior, on the Twitter, to write a cheer for this terrible occasion, which is worse than the Japanese earthquake and tsunami, surely:

Indeed, who can rhyme at a time like this, when all the Fundamentalist iPhones are still weeping so?  That would be, indeed, Too Soon. [Truth Wins Out]

Sponsored Intermission

About the author

Evan Hurst spends his days deflecting the sad glances of his black lab, Lula, who would please like him to stop typing letters to the internet and throw the squeaky chicken in the backyard instead. As a Noted Homosexual, Evan is obviously condemned and has nothing to lose at this point, so he spends his days as the Director of Social Media for Truth Wins Out, and lends a hand at the Wonkette in order to protect its gentle readers from the Homosexual Menace. Also, he writes songs and plays the piano, at the same time! Lastly, Evan is a Southern person, and thus is casting polite judgment on you, right now, for reading this. Bless your heart.

View all articles by Evan Hurst


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    So if the claims of this App-maker are true, does that mean that someone could release an app which CAUSES teh Ghey?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      What do you think Angry Birds is?

    • elviouslyqueer

      I thought that was the whole reason for Craigslist CE.

    • Rad-T

      Yeah, blame it on Angry Birds.

    • teebob2000

      I thought that's that those Zwinky things were. That's why I never click them.

      • Swampgas_Man

        Are those the "Dress up your virtual paper doll" ads? Yeah, totes gaii.

  • horsedreamer_1

    Who needs an app, in the Christian Right, when they can just put their iphone on vibrate, shove it in their fart-box, & repeatedly call themselves from a landline?

  • Cicada

    I am shocked, shocked I tell you, that yet another conservative Christian schmoo doesn't understand the concept of free speech.

    Hurr durr, tolerance means everyone who's different than me has to shut up. Because, that's why. *drool*

  • HalluxValgus

    Pretty soon, these wingnuts are going to be communicating in nothing but hastags.

  • PublicLuxury

    Teh gays ruin everything, even casseroles.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Homos hate hotdish. It's in the Bible (just ask Victoria Jackson).

    • elviouslyqueer

      Duh, homos hate hotdish. It's in the Bible, and is yet another reason why Victoria Jackson wants to exterminate all us skinny bitches.

      Also, GAH Wonkette eated my comment!

  • Chillwaver

    But the app worked for Ted Haggard, didn't it?

    • Beowoof

      Yeah now Ted is taking it in the ass from his wife with a strap-on. What could be more straight than that.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Given that almost anyone connected with Exodus ends up being picked up in a gay club or at a bathhouse, I sort of assumed their app was in fact a hidden list of the best gay orgy sights.

  • Ducksworthy

    Well to be fair to Alan Chambers, if you're into guys but the gay guys aren't into you, what better way to get even?

  • elviouslyqueer

    Wait. LaBarbera twatted Signorile? He's just asking for his closet to be ransacked again, isn't he?

  • undeterredbyreality

    Peter La Barbara, huh? Wonder what s/he's hiding?

  • LabRodent

    There's an app for that………

  • DownFist Troll

    Right wing christian fundies calling Left wing gays, fascists. Only in 'merica

  • PublicLuxury

    What is to become of us? Where will we turn? How will I feed and bathe myself? Teh gay is trying to take away my vajayjay humper. Boo hoo boo hoo. Oh wait. I forgot. This doesn't harm ME at all. So of course the X-tian conservatives are frothing at the mouth.

    • ttommyunger

      and other parts…

  • EdFlintstone

    The anti-gay app is part of the Texas board of education's technology upgrade.

  • jdoleman

    Peter has a whole site aimed at telling THE TRUTH ABOUT TEH GAYZ.

    Not that he is obsessed with visions of sweaty gayz sex, no siree.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Good lord, after all this time, has he *still* not learned to spell his name "La Barbra"??

  • Callyson

    another “ex-gay” leader told people, in public, that his wife’s vagina is “enough”
    I'd bet the rent money that his wife thinks his member is not "enough"

  • MildMidwesterner

    I'd recommend that you not ride the quiet car. Those people get really annoyed when one lets out even the tiniest of moans.

  • JoshuaNorton

    Everytime one of these fundie wingnutters invokes how their "freedom of speech" is being denied them, it only proves that they don't have even the most minuscule understanding of the Constitution – or elementary civics at a third grade level.

    Have they ever even noticed that the amendment begins by telling the Congress that it "will make no law". The amendment is designed to protect citizens from intrusive government. That is all.

    Nothing in it says I have to agree with what they say or I don't have a right to be offended by it and tell them so. But noooo. The teatards and their fellow bigots think only they get to say what they want, and others have to shut up about it

    • fuflans

      actually i'm pretty sure that apple and disney have a protection clause in the constitution.

    • finallyhappy

      Yes, Apple is a business, removing the app is not censorship nor is it denying Exodus its "God given right" to be hateful and homophobic. Of course, these people have no idea what freedom of speech or censorship mean- that involves having having an education.

  • Extemporanus

    Welcom back, Evan!

    Were you off somewhere shoving your agenda down peoples' throats?

    • EvanHurst


      • CalamityJames

        My mom always told me "I don't care if you're gay, just find a man with a big wallet and a small dick."

        I share this tidbit because I heard you had a fancy new "hob" and I noticed your little p-ness, so I figured what the hell, nothing else has worked.

        • jus_wonderin

          By this criteria I can no longer date myself. Damn. I was getting along so well with myself.

          • CalamityJames

            Tell me about it. I just text-dumped myself. Things were great for a while, but the unemployment, lack of education, improper hygiene, and constant masturbation just got to be too much. I hope I'll be ok. I'm really a good guy.

  • Guppy06

    "Be honest, ladies: is there anything else you’d rather hear from your sexing partner than that your lady business is enough?"

    Since when has what the woman wanted been anywhere near the Bible, let alone Leviticus?

    Heck, I'm suspecting the "as with womankind" bit in Leviticus originally meant "without consent."

  • Troubledog

    Homofascism? Holy shit, I've nothing to wear!

  • elviouslyqueer


  • pinkocommi

    Is there an app for curing Tea Partiers?

    • finallyhappy

      yes, a real education but most of them didn't get one and aren't smart enough to self-educate

  • SorosBot

    I like how protecting the right of minorities against bigots is a form of fascism apparently; because Hitler, Mussolini and Franco all totally loved the gays and allowed marriage and didn't allow any anti-gay persecution at all.

  • Tommmcatt

    So, what will it be, Porn and Meth? A Rent Boy? Some kind of furry pedophillia?

    I sense a breakdown in Mr. LaBarbara's future…

    • Erkhyan

      I think that it would be an insult to even pedophile furries (and we furries tend to really dislike them) that this excuse of a human being become one of them.

  • Pop_Socket

    Being associated with an Ex-Gay conversion group is a better indicator of homosexuality than having a Grindr profile. Not that there isn't a lot of overlap between the two.

  • mull_man

    Rats – I just wrote an app for curing salami, and now it's getting pulled as well.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    I'm confused-"app" means "gay escort's belly button?" I thought that was Ted's favorite meth mirror.

  • Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum

    Thank goodness the homeopathy apps are still available.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    After the story earlier this week about the woman who stuffed 50 heroin bags in her "lady parts?" Boxcar sized vajajay's are not enough. Nor are needledicks, but that's between him and his seagull sex slaves, because one good tern deserves another.

    • ttommyunger

      Should have left that stone un-terned.

  • WhatTheHolyHeck

    It's okay, wee downfister. Now that this terrible app is no longer inhibiting your natural urges, you're free to admit you really want to fist-up all our boyishly handsome Wonketteers. All you have to do is ask.

    We're here for you, buddy.

  • RodneyBadger

    Peter LaBarbera looks like a fag.

    • Erkhyan

      Hey now, that's insulting to fags!

  • phlox✔

    That's too bad, I was getting some really hot hook-ups using that app.

  • ProgressiveInga

    Elizabeth Taylor dies on the same day that the Exodus app gets canned. Coincidence? I think not. Way to go, Liz.♡

  • SorosBot

    I hadn't looked at who this message was too – so the ex-gay self-loathing closet case is angrily twitter-stalking well-known lesbian bloggers, kind of like a twitter version of our downfister I guess. Nice.

  • jus_wonderin

    I avoid all of this app mania by not owning an iPhone. I do however have an iBone.

  • jonzin

    I just got divorced and I place the blame squarely on the homos. If there were more people out there like this guy, trying to get the gays to go straight and fighting for the sanctity of marriage, I would still be married!

  • PalinPussyPower

    Is there a check-in function on this app? It would be a fabulous way for gay conservatives to hook up, covertly.

  • VeraSevera

    Damn! I suppose this means Apple won't be selling my Plan a Lynching Party app after all.

  • magnetite

    The app would never have lasted anyway. Apple is a secret, but dedicated bottom. It'll take almost a third of whatever you've got straight away.

  • bagofmice

    Liberal Fascism strikes again! Let's hold a rally at the tomb of the unknown app.

  • mookwrthwilson

    I have been screwing with him on twitter…so glad he finally took my bait and replied…hahahaha

    • EvanHurst

      He sadly tries to talk to me sometimes, but I don't give him the thrill up his leg a response with me would engender.

  • ttommyunger

    Which do you think is harder; Chinese Arithmetic or a Conservatard's dick in the locker room?

  • GOPCrusher

    I guess I don't understand the whole attraction to the iPhone. It doesn't run Flash, so you can't download any good porn to it. So why bother?

  • Come here a minute

    Be honest, ladies: is there anything else you’d rather hear from your sexing partner than that your lady business is enough?

    Better than hearing that it is too much.

  • Failure_Artist

    So how the hell does the app "work"? Because when I first heard about this I was wondering if it was some sort of joke app.

  • simplyblue7

    the best thing about being a homofascist are the cute boots!

  • freddymcmurray

    How soon we all forget the old rainbow Apple logo.

  • Swampgas_Man

    A boot to the head?

  • elfgoldsackring

    Something like these I imagine (see 1:00 etc etc etc):