SNOW ON THE PLANTATION  4:29 pm March 22, 2011

Tim Pawlenty To Attract Voters With Yosemite Sam Voice

by Jack Stuef

Yosemite Sam: Secret Muslim, just like Pawlenty!Tim Pawlenty has been running for president for years now; yesterday, he made it official in a video that utilized quick cuts and a shaking camera so you couldn’t put your finger on exactly how boring he is. This man will really have to do anything to make himself seem interesting, and in Iowa, he may have figured out one solution: to speak in a rootin’ tootin’ non-Minnesota accent that sounds like it comes from a cartoon. “Weh have the firsst and only gov’ment shutdown in the hundred an’ fiftee year hist’ry of mah state, on mah watch,” said Pawlenty, shooting both of his guns in the air, smashing a bottle of whiskey on the pianey, and buying a slave with the change left over from his bar tab.

“I say, I say, that walleye hotdish Mrs. Ericsson made for the Lutheran church potluck was great washed down with pop, I say, I say.” [Minnesota Public Radio]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 209 comments }

fartknocker March 22, 2011 at 4:33 pm

I know Yoesmite Sam. Yosemite Sam is a good friend of mine. T-Paw ain't no Yoesmite Sam.

WIDTAP March 23, 2011 at 8:45 am

We'll take your word for it, Bugs.

ManchuCandidate March 22, 2011 at 4:33 pm

T-Paw: I'm a gonna beat that Obamer! I'll beat him-a real good! Now, who turned out the lights? Where's my lighter?
/sees himself in a room full of TNT/
T-Paw: Ooooooh boy!

BOOM!!!

Barry Rabbit: "Ain't I a stinker?"

baconzgood March 22, 2011 at 4:33 pm

"GREAT HORNY-TOADS"

-Tim Pawlenty-

jus_wonderin March 22, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Defund Minnesota Public Radio!!!!!

aguacatero March 22, 2011 at 8:25 pm

Defund MPR? Why go soft on them? Fuckin' UNALLOT their ass!!!

Mumbletypeg March 22, 2011 at 4:34 pm

"Great horny toads! Ah'm a-gonna blast ya — with *meh*."

PublicLuxury March 22, 2011 at 4:34 pm

"buying a slave with the change left over from his bar tab."

As long as he's usin' his munney wisely it ain't any uhv are bidness.

poncho_pilot March 23, 2011 at 5:01 am

this must've been before Socrates Johnson, Strom Thurmond, Thomas Aquinas, and the Justice League wrote the Constitution which banned slavery.

hagajim March 22, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Ah say, Ah say, cook, BRING ME MY HOSSENFERRER!

Blendergoathead March 22, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Having photos or video(!) of Ginny Thomas riding him reverse-cowgirl style surface at Politico would “liven things up a bit,” one could say.

Now I’m going to vomit.

hagajim March 22, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Ah Say, Ah Say, COOK – BRING ME MY HOSSENFEFFER!!!

Oldskool_ March 22, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Shoulda went with Foghorn Leghorn.

SorosBot March 22, 2011 at 4:44 pm

What the fuck is wrong with the comments? Will this even appear, probably with a squiggly alien thingy? Where is IntenseDebate?

Fukui_SanYesOta March 22, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Looks like an attempt to get rid of p-scores.

I miss my Chairman Kaga avatar

SorosBot March 22, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Yeah, but at least you got a cooler alien squiggle than me; I miss my robot, here in the netherworld of the new/old comment system.

baconzgood March 22, 2011 at 4:57 pm

intense debate Libel

Chillwaver March 22, 2011 at 4:45 pm

I'm not sure which one is less exciting, T-Paw or Yosemite-Paw. Is there a "Dislike" button somewhere?

Beowoof March 22, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Those wascally wabbits better watch out or Elmer Fudd will be the front runner.

Radiotherapy March 22, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Can ya’ play the pie-anna, ya’ varmit?

elviouslyqueer March 22, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Still needs moar razzin-frazzin consarn idget, also too.

aguacatero March 22, 2011 at 4:55 pm

He may be an obvious phony loser of a candidate.

He may have fucked over his state in the vain hope of building a national reputation as a teabagging hero.

He may be a risible embarrassment when he tries to talk tough or claim gravitas.

But Pawlenty evidently has the heart of a vigilant downfister on Wonkette, so don't count him out!

KenLayIsAlive March 22, 2011 at 4:55 pm

This guy is going to have the poser vote all locked up for sure.

KenLayIsAlive March 22, 2011 at 4:56 pm

This guy is going to have the poser vote locked down for sure.

bflrtsplk March 22, 2011 at 5:02 pm

DRAGNABBIT, WONKITS! WHAT IN SAM HILLS IS GOIN’ ON HARE?!

Is all-a y’all namby-pamby galoots fixin’ tah feel tha dadburn commentah MOMENTIM, or ain’tchya?!

Extemporanus March 22, 2011 at 5:03 pm

DRAGNABBIT, WONKITS! WHAT IN SAM HILLS IS GOIN’ ON HARE?!

Is all-a y’all namby-pamby galoots fixin’ tah feel tha dadburn commentah MOMENTIM, or ain’tchya?!

SorosBot March 22, 2011 at 5:09 pm

How’d you manage to keep your avatar?

Extemporanus March 22, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Ah ain’t got no idear, hombre…

Frankly, I’ma more conflabberdaddled about hows ah managed tah common-tater as if ah was dat dare no good “bflrtsplk” dude!

Radiotherapy March 22, 2011 at 5:10 pm

the only momentim I’m feeling is throwing my dagnabit laptop out the winder.

Radiotherapy March 22, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Here’s your pie-anna.

Julian Assange must be really pissed about that side post. This system is like a leaky condom.

elviouslyqueer March 22, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Um, Jack? I think all that radiation you soaked up over in Tokyo has royally fucked up Intense Debate. Just sayin’.

Beowoof March 22, 2011 at 5:15 pm

It seems intense debate has been hacked by James O’Queef and his ilk, trying to shut down those whould pick on him.

Rad-T March 22, 2011 at 5:19 pm

You know who else had an iconoclastic mustache and was a fiery orator?

elviouslyqueer March 22, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Sarah Palin?

ManchuCandidate March 22, 2011 at 5:43 pm

Adolph Obamer?

LocalGirlMakesGoo March 22, 2011 at 5:51 pm

P.T. Barnum?

GuanoFaucet March 22, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Tom Selleck?

nounverb911 March 22, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Mark Twain?

ProgressiveInga March 22, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Ron Jeremy?

poncho_pilot March 23, 2011 at 5:04 am

no…orator–i think you were thinking of something else.

GhostBuggy March 22, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Bebe Rebozo?

jus_wonderin March 22, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Oral Roberts?

DashboardBuddha March 22, 2011 at 6:10 pm

That video gave me epilepsy.

Rad-T March 22, 2011 at 6:56 pm

Sorry, this is the one that got lost in the great intenseDebate purge of '11.

SorosBot March 22, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Teddy Roosevelt?

user-of-owls March 22, 2011 at 6:14 pm

Captain Kangaroo?

genxr March 22, 2011 at 6:25 pm

Snidely Whiplash?

PublicLuxury March 22, 2011 at 6:39 pm

John Bolton?

Rad-T March 22, 2011 at 6:58 pm

T-Paw/Bolton '12

SayItWithWookies March 22, 2011 at 6:42 pm

Leon Trotsky?

user-of-owls March 22, 2011 at 9:31 pm

Who axed you?

Zvi_Bleindmeis March 22, 2011 at 8:07 pm

Pastor Terry Jones?

Lascauxcaveman March 22, 2011 at 8:12 pm

Cleopatra?

(I know that's a lousy answer, but it's the one I used last night on one of these "you know who else…" threads, and I got, like, 16 thumbs up on it, so I figured I'd stick with it.)

Rad-T March 22, 2011 at 9:45 pm

Who asped you?

neiltheblaze March 22, 2011 at 8:17 pm

Thomas Friedman?

loulouroo March 22, 2011 at 8:53 pm

Saddam Hussein?

WriteyWriterton March 22, 2011 at 11:36 pm

My mother?

imissopus March 22, 2011 at 11:45 pm

Rollie Fingers?

poncho_pilot March 23, 2011 at 5:02 am

Yanni?

baconzgood March 23, 2011 at 7:59 am

Wonkbot?

bflrtsplk March 22, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Hello

emmelemm March 22, 2011 at 5:22 pm

But, guess what, chicken butt:

6 out of 10 Republicans don't know who T-Paw is

emmelemm March 22, 2011 at 5:22 pm

But, guess what, chicken butt:

6 out of 10 Republicans don't know who T-Paw is

WhatTheHeck March 22, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Yosemite Tim always gits his ass kicked by that rascally negro wabbit.

JoshuaNorton March 22, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Thufferin' Thuccotash

bjkeefe March 22, 2011 at 5:32 pm

In response, the Haley Barbour campaign released a statement saying, “The governor anticipated this, and consequently, has spent many weeks working on his Sa®ah Palin voice.”

Ducksworthy March 22, 2011 at 5:34 pm

He sounds more like Barbour the Hutt to me. But, as I've said before, he needs to gain 300 pounds to be acceptable to the base.

Extemporanus March 22, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Is this thing on…drugs?

Ducksworthy March 22, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Or maybe he's trying too hard not to sound like SP, ya know, you betcha, eh Margie?

LeAlbatross March 22, 2011 at 8:11 pm

Nah. He's just good ol' Pandering Pawlenty.

Callyson March 22, 2011 at 5:36 pm

I gather Minnesota Nice does not sell in the Republican primaries…though I can't wait to see the footage of him trying to sell that fake accent south of the Mason – Dixon line. Southern hospitality only goes so far, T – Paw…

TheMightyHaltor March 22, 2011 at 5:58 pm

I don't know. They bought W's "accent".

Extemporanus March 22, 2011 at 5:37 pm

FRAGNABBIT, WONKITS! WHAT IN SAM HILLS IS-A GOIN' ON HERE?!

Is all-a y'all namby-pamby galoots a-fixin' tah feel tha dadburn common-tater MOMENTIM, or ain'tchya?!

SorosBot March 22, 2011 at 6:03 pm

And just as you kept your avatar on the hidden Wonkette, your comment has not vanished like the others.

Extemporanus March 22, 2011 at 7:33 pm

The new radiation-proof mecha I picked up while Jack was in Japan likely explains the inexplicably sticky avatard.

As for the "FRAGNABBIT" comment, here's how things actually went down:

- Submitted said comment on Wrongkette
- Comment posts on Wrongkette, albeit under the name of fellow Wonketteer "bflrtsplk"
- Whahhh?!
- Just before re-submitting said comment, I notice a prompt to enter one's name and email address before doing so
- I then notice that said fields are already filled in with the name and email address of "bflrtsplk"
- Whuh-whuh-whahhh??!
- I delete the fields, enter my info, and re-submit said comment on Wrongkette
- Said comment posts a second time, albeit under my name
- After refreshing the page, I'm whisked away from the oddly comforting confines of Wrongkette, and find myself adrift amongst fellow shellshocked commenters here on our Wonkette
- After determing that the twice-submitted comment in question had not in fact crossed over from the other side (under either user name), I re-submit it for a thrice time on our Wonkette
- Said comment posts successfully(?), at which point you pithily reply to it

The End.

neiltheblaze March 22, 2011 at 8:23 pm

Ah – the exact same thing happened to me today – except the name and e-mail address was, eh, yours. Seriously. It ate a comment of mine too. Something cute – like "fuck God" on the tread about the In God We Trust bullshit. For a second I thought I'd been ban-hammered – but then I remembered I wasn't on Huff-Po offending the church ladies that moderate the comments.

SorosBot March 22, 2011 at 8:37 pm

The name/email address thing happened to me as well, when I was replying on The Other Wonkette; I think it was the name/email of the person I was replying to, but not sure.

Extemporanus March 23, 2011 at 3:21 am

Mine?!

I feel so…so…violated.

(Do it again!)

Mumbletypeg March 22, 2011 at 7:20 pm

Except one comment *did* disappear. In which he used a word I am struggling to remember — "confladaddled"? It was so good I was going to make it my username. Consarn it!

Extemporanus March 22, 2011 at 7:49 pm

You be righter than a one-armed cowpoke, pardner!

It was a reply to SorosBot's question regarding how I managed to keep my avatard pit-chur in the bizarro world of Wrongkette…and thanks to the magic of digital clipboards*, here it is:

Ah ain't got no idear, hombre…

Frankly, I'ma more conflabberdaddled about hows ah managed tah common-tater as if ah was dat dare no good "bflrtsplk" dude!

*(When you mentioned that word, I remembered that I'd copied the comment because I didn't wanna forget it either, and praise Jeebus, it was still there!)

Extemporanus March 23, 2011 at 3:29 am

YIPPEE-CONFLABBERDADDLE-YAY, MOTHERFUCKER!

PublicLuxury March 22, 2011 at 5:38 pm

I think Muscular Jeebus is vexing the site. He likey the Timmeh so he is gonna spanky your banky.

jus_wonderin March 22, 2011 at 6:04 pm

"He's so fine. Wish he was mine. That good looking Jeebus over there. The one with streaked blond hair………"

Gopherit March 22, 2011 at 5:40 pm

Tim, you may sound like yosemite sam, but you look like Pepe LePew's ass. No way you'll ever be president. Stop wasting people's money.

WriteyWriterton March 22, 2011 at 11:38 pm

The entire Republican candidate-slate appears to have gone grifter/opportunistic-y.

Hey! They're all pander-dates! (TM)

finallyhappy March 22, 2011 at 5:40 pm

When will we have a comprehensive list of the crazies and losers running for the GOP nomination?

Jukesgrrl March 22, 2011 at 5:44 pm

Maybe if he added Randal Paul's wig to the mix …

bumfug March 22, 2011 at 5:45 pm

I can't wait for his bumpersticker: "Shitloads of unallotments!"

user-of-owls March 22, 2011 at 6:35 pm

"And Unguents for your Shitloads!"

bagofmice March 23, 2011 at 9:32 am

Wahoo! He failed to allot and was the only Governor who failed to keep his government running. I get the feeling that he's not too good at his job.

[redacted]hse March 22, 2011 at 5:45 pm

That accent is similar to the "Western" accent that Dub-it picked up at his New England prep school. It also carries about the same timbre.

i_AM_ready March 22, 2011 at 5:45 pm

His normal voice is Martin Prince, so I guess Yosemite Sam is an improvement.

But yesterday wasn't he going hip-hop with T-Paw?

Too confusing. We don't want a President with multiple personalities disorder.

poncho_pilot March 23, 2011 at 5:06 am

don't put words in my mouths.

mavenmaven March 22, 2011 at 5:47 pm

Well, I guess as a result of this, if T-paw's elected president NPR will be toast.

DustBowlBlues March 22, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Toastier?

jus_wonderin March 22, 2011 at 6:05 pm

I think we need to take him a plate of Schweaty Balls.

DustBowlBlues March 22, 2011 at 5:49 pm

For a price, I can teach him to say "shit fahr," how to execute the negative-positive question, and the key verb tenses to get wrong. Not to mention which gerunds are appropriate for adding "est" at the end. What action should follow, "You might as well . . . ", the fine art of "Whaddaya know versus "Hey" as a greeting, and the proper verbs to use in lieu of ripen.

For a price, that is. I'm not fixin' to give away this knowledge for free, Teepaw.

kissawookiee March 22, 2011 at 6:11 pm

Lord willin' and the crick don't rise.

natl indecency cmdr March 22, 2011 at 6:40 pm

can you give wonkette that info for free? t-paw won't find it.

DustBowlBlues March 22, 2011 at 9:15 pm

Just don't tell teapah. (How many possible ways can the wonkeratti invent to fuck up his gangsta' name?).

Bubba, behind the wheel of the Silverado extended cab all wheel drive (that cost approximately 4 times as much as he paid for the trailer that he and Wahneeta– because her parents thought it sounded cooler than spelling it Juanita– and their three no-neck kids live in.

"Leon, let's go see if Junior Floyd's truck ain't down at the arena. "

"I've went yesterday. He's already took and got the trash cleaned up from the ropin'. He don't got no more community service to do."

Bubba: "He is the workin'est man in the county. "

Leon: "Shit fahr, we was drunk that night, wadn't we?"

"Whooee, Bubba. Sure am glad it was Junior's truck they hauled to the IMpound." (teepaw might take note that the emphasis is often on the first syllable, regardless –or irregardless as Bubba, Leon and the unfortunate Junior Floyd might say–of how it's supposed to be pronounced.)

And, wonkeratti who's sorry he asked, there you go. A standard exchange between the kind of men to whom Tiepaw, in his pathetic dialect, hopes to relate.

I'm fixin' to tell ya': he tries that shit down here and some of these old boys is like to kick his ass.

HempDogbane March 22, 2011 at 10:50 pm

TP heads down I-35, but he dudden go allaway ta Okenlahoma.

natl indecency cmdr March 23, 2011 at 12:46 pm

i'm still confused. is "shit fahr" an affirmative? and is it "shit far" or "shit fair" or something else? or is it like "holy shit" in that it can be used in any number of ways, like "holy shit that's good!" or "holy shit look out!" i need to incorporate "shit fahr" into my daily conversations w/ job interviewers. where's my oklahoma-to-english dictionary?

no-neck little monsters.

DustBowlBlues March 23, 2011 at 8:03 pm

This thread is cold, but I have to answer your question lest you come to the Dust Bowl someday for, fuck, I don't know–to stay in my B&B–and need to for president, or something.

Shit fahr, cheesehead, don't you know how to talk 'merican? You would probably pronounce it fire. Shit fire.

You're welcome. Will you be visiting Iowa first?

Lascauxcaveman March 22, 2011 at 8:31 pm

If he ever manages to use the verb "hie" properly, he's got my vote. I'm a sucker for that one.

HempDogbane March 22, 2011 at 10:56 pm

TP hies down ta Des Moines onna I-35, but he dudden go allaway ta Okenlahoma.

tessiee March 22, 2011 at 11:51 pm

Ah heard THAT!!

Negropolis March 23, 2011 at 4:32 am

Ya' heard what the Plains lady said, TeaPaw? That dog won't hunt.

Barbara_i March 22, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Getting into Wonkette today was harder than getting out of the birth canal all those years ago. I am glad someone fixed it.

jus_wonderin March 22, 2011 at 6:06 pm

It is the new anti-terror stuff. WTSA. Did you get frisked too??? Details (only so we can warn others).

HistoriCat March 22, 2011 at 7:50 pm

So it's not just me? My connection at work is so craptastic these days I thought it was just me. Wonkette withdrawal syndrome is not pretty …

Jim89048 March 22, 2011 at 9:53 pm

It was so bad, I'm still chained to my desk trying to catch up.

kissawookiee March 22, 2011 at 5:58 pm

He is light-skinned and has no Southern dialect, unless he wanted to have one.

jus_wonderin March 22, 2011 at 6:06 pm

But is he clean?

WriteyWriterton March 22, 2011 at 11:40 pm

And articulate?

FlipOffResearch March 22, 2011 at 6:01 pm

I was just in the comments with the squiggly aliens and no P score. The comments people make over there don't show up over here. To get around that: go to the intense debate site

http://intensedebate.com

log in there. Then come back to Wonkette and refresh the comment section. That seems to work about 80% of the time for me. Good luck.

jus_wonderin March 22, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Sounds like a dangerous mission with low odds. Can I send Ensign Red Shirt first?? The eagle flies at midnight.

emmelemm March 22, 2011 at 6:16 pm

But… in order to log in, I'd have to log out, as it says I'm already logged in. And I probably don't remember my password.

I'm scared. Hold me.

proudgrampa March 22, 2011 at 6:01 pm

I don't have a comment. I just wanted to see if my avatar turns into one of those tentacle-y thingies.

DustBowlBlues March 22, 2011 at 9:38 pm

They're kind of creepy, aren't they?

SorosBot March 22, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Can I haz comments now, maybe? Besides my hidden comments on the underground Wonkette from the new-old system.

pinkocommi March 22, 2011 at 6:04 pm

If John Kerry and George Bush had a baby, it would be Tim Pawlenty.

John's scintillating presence and oratory skills and George's bad politics and accent.

fuflans March 22, 2011 at 6:07 pm

i heard john kerry today (and am about to again).

man he is SOOO ornery. course, if i lost to george bush i would be too.

WriteyWriterton March 22, 2011 at 11:41 pm

Oooh, where's the p-bismol when T-paw takes teh stage?

poncho_pilot March 23, 2011 at 5:08 am

or John Kerry and Rene Auberjonois.

chicken_thief March 23, 2011 at 8:04 am

With a dash of Al Bore, er, uh,… Gore.

SorosBot March 22, 2011 at 6:06 pm

T-Paw is from Minnasoda, don'cha know, so even if he coulda' pulled off the drawal he wouldn'ta been foollin' anybody.

fuflans March 22, 2011 at 6:06 pm

i guess this is why garrison keillor is quitting.

frostbitefalls March 23, 2011 at 12:05 pm

Keillor's been goin' down south vocally for years too. It's an odd hybrid of effete classical announcer, bluegrass musician and uptight sleepy person. Nobody here except Kevin Kling wants to talk the way they did growing up, it seems.

user-of-owls March 22, 2011 at 6:09 pm

You know, when ImmenseDebate was down, I made some really killer comments. I mean, really, really good. Droll, trenchant, biting…all that stuff. They were easily worth at least 100 p's, so if you don't mind, could you just boost me a hunnert or so? Thanks.

OkieDokieDog March 22, 2011 at 6:28 pm

So it was them? I was cussing at my Verizon connection – which deserved a good cussin' anyhoo.

natl indecency cmdr March 22, 2011 at 6:43 pm

"Droll, trenchant, biting" was my description on that whore-diamond website.

gef05 March 22, 2011 at 6:59 pm

They were some of the greatest comments I've never read.

DustBowlBlues March 22, 2011 at 9:39 pm

Absolutely.

Rad-T March 22, 2011 at 9:55 pm

dustb OWL blues. That had to be the funniest thread evah.
The Great IntenseDebate Purge of '11…NEVER FORGET!!1!

WriteyWriterton March 22, 2011 at 11:41 pm

Best. Ever.

proudgrampa March 22, 2011 at 6:09 pm

I can tell by other comments that I'm not dreaming this shit. STOP MESSIN" WITH MY HEAD!!!

Love,

proudgrampa

jus_wonderin March 22, 2011 at 6:15 pm

The restraints are for you own good. Though, yes, those are bugs all over your legs. Sleep tight.

proudgrampa March 22, 2011 at 6:23 pm

They promised me that I would only see a few pink elephants!

DashboardBuddha March 22, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Affecting a southern accent? Well, god bless him.

ProgressiveInga March 22, 2011 at 6:19 pm

He-ya in Jawja we say, 'bless his thumpin' gizzard". But we don't mean it.

PublicLuxury March 22, 2011 at 6:42 pm

No. No. NO. It's "Bless his heart"! That is Southern for he's seriously fucked up and I want to kill him.

DashboardBuddha March 22, 2011 at 6:54 pm

Thank you for the correction. I like…correction.

PublicLuxury March 22, 2011 at 6:57 pm

I like coercion better

DashboardBuddha March 22, 2011 at 7:32 pm

Too bendy for my tastes.

PresBeeblebrox March 22, 2011 at 6:14 pm

Needz moar lutefisk.

教授 Zoom March 22, 2011 at 8:26 pm

Bobbiqued lutefisk, y'all

FlipOffResearch March 22, 2011 at 6:15 pm

Oh yeah, that last bit of dialog sounds more like Foghorn Leghorn than Yosemite Sam. Which reminds me, we've got a fat mouthed teabagger in my town that I've called Foghorn Leghorn since before there was even teabaggers. You guys should hear him wax philosophical like: " I was a liberal in my youth, but age and maturity has made me into a conservative" like he made that up and not Churchill. Or "The way I read the constitution you should be required to own a gun."

user-of-owls March 22, 2011 at 6:16 pm

You should hear him on his Spanish-language ads. He's got Speedy Gonzalez down pat.

karen March 22, 2011 at 6:16 pm

By the way, Jack, it is called pop.

O-H! I-O!

ThundercatHo March 22, 2011 at 8:10 pm

That's right. Soda is the clear stuff you can mix into cocktails or get a stain out of your clothes. People who are round on the ends and high in the middle know this.

XOhioan March 22, 2011 at 6:20 pm

I guess he's saving Foghorn Leghorn for South Carolina.

tessiee March 22, 2011 at 11:54 pm

What, I say, what are you talkin' about? [mutters] Stand up when I'm talkin' to ya, boy.

XOhioan March 23, 2011 at 1:38 am

Smart boy, got a mind lahk a steel trap….full o' mice.

hockeymom March 22, 2011 at 6:23 pm

Now THIS is the kind of investigative reporting I like.
And I'll bet the reporter didn't even have to dress up like a pimp.

tessiee March 22, 2011 at 11:55 pm

Well, no… but it couldn't hurt, could it?

BklynIlluminati March 22, 2011 at 6:27 pm

Pawlenty looks like he got picked on in school a lot.

SayItWithWookies March 22, 2011 at 6:32 pm

T-Paw wishes he sounded like Yosemite Sam — he's closer to being the love child of Haley Barbour and William Shatner. Without the excitment, of course.

ThundercatHo March 22, 2011 at 8:12 pm

Please leave Capt Kirk out of this sordid affair, today is his 80th birthday.

SayItWithWookies March 22, 2011 at 10:40 pm

You don't find his inflection Shatneresque? I could totally see Pawlenty, his shirt torn open, clutching a busty blonde alien chick in his left arm while crooking his right arm heavenward and exulting, "Ah had the first government shutdown in the history of mah state — on mah watch." I can't be the only one who sees that.

WriteyWriterton March 22, 2011 at 11:43 pm

Holy moly! Really. Shatner's 80? Someone who finally makes me feel young.

KenLayIsAlive March 22, 2011 at 6:45 pm

He is going to have the poser vote all wrapped up for sure.

LeAlbatross March 22, 2011 at 8:19 pm

That's a lot of the GOP…

WriteyWriterton March 22, 2011 at 11:44 pm

That would be poseur, frenchily speaking.

Beetagger March 22, 2011 at 6:46 pm

Maybe this will convince my daughter not to go to school in that frozen wasteland.

predilectrix March 22, 2011 at 10:12 pm

If it's Macalester or Carleton, or maybe some of the UofM programs, she'll be cocooned in a liberal-socialist, down-filled embrace.

Neoyorquino March 22, 2011 at 6:48 pm

Now who can argue with that? I think we're all indebted to T-Paw for stating what needed to be said. I'm especially glad that children can hear that speech. Not only was it authentic frontier gibberish, it expressed a courage little seen in this day and age.

PublicLuxury March 22, 2011 at 6:53 pm

"He sounds like George Bush" (giggle)

Meh favorite lineh of the broawdcast.

He acts like him too.

Extemporanus March 22, 2011 at 6:56 pm

Ah say, ah say, ya know who aylse ain't did fee-yuhl no waays tie-yurd when they was a-campaignin'?

Sure as shootin': Ol' "Black Hillz" Clinton herself!

Mumbletypeg March 22, 2011 at 7:03 pm

I don't guess it would be too much to ask this affector of mannerjizms to BACK OFF!"?

Warpde March 22, 2011 at 7:03 pm

T-Drawl,
The new Loonytoon character.
Hucka, Hucka, Huckabee!

bflrtsplk March 22, 2011 at 7:04 pm

Yosemite Sam was always outsmarted by Bugs Bunny. Ba-da-da-da-da-da-daaahhhh what's up doc.

Rotundo_ March 22, 2011 at 7:06 pm

I'll bet he's a great horseman like Dubya was too, lotsa "aw shucks" and "Howdy" but doesn't know which end gets the feed. The sad part is, there will be idiots that will think he's "one of us" with this crap. Satire doesn't just lap reality with these crackers, it spins around it like an electron.

DustBowlBlues March 22, 2011 at 9:46 pm

I saw Farenheit 9/11 in the theater (or theATer, as teepaw might say in his fantasy brogue) because I took the moveon pledge to do that, but rented it later for my husband.

When he saw Junior Bush use that fucking chain saw he howled–according to the old man, if it hadn't been for the Secret Service that moron would have cut his leg off because he didn't how to use it correctly.

Gag. I fucking hate Republitards, all of them, everywhere, dead, alive or in a coma.

PuckStopsHere March 22, 2011 at 11:52 pm

I fucking hate Republitards, all of them, everywhere, dead, alive or in a coma.
I copied this because I want to make it my own.

tessiee March 22, 2011 at 11:56 pm

"Satire doesn't just lap reality with these crackers, it spins around it like an electron."

I read that as, "it spins around it like an erection."

Dudleydidwrong March 22, 2011 at 7:16 pm

Pawlenty: trying to make a shit sandwich exciting by inserting a sprig of kudzu.

WriteyWriterton March 22, 2011 at 11:45 pm

When ya got kudzu, ya make kudzu-ade.

ويجا المجلس March 22, 2011 at 7:56 pm

Huzzah, we Word Pressers are back out of timeout. For some reason Ken had us in purgatory this afternoon. We Word Pressers, like prommie, memzilla, Dr Zoom, Hatrabbit, and weejee swear that we genuflect anytime the Kitty Pope avatar shows up and we apologize for stealing Wonkette holy water, freezing it, and selling the results as poopcycles Popecycles.

rocktonsam March 22, 2011 at 8:03 pm

This just in…

Fox News endorses Pawlenty.

"Tim is the white choice for Amerkia"

Oblios_Cap March 23, 2011 at 8:16 am

It used to be that only boxers were referred to as "The Great White Hope".

Tim is the "Mediocre White Dope".

ويجا المجلس March 22, 2011 at 8:10 pm

Fucking douchenozzle Thumbelina is baaaaaaaaaack.

Yo Thumbie, are you too afraid of the keyboard to type wordz and thereby show yer ackuhdumbic crudentials, so you just work the down fist clickie?

教授 Zoom March 22, 2011 at 8:28 pm

Sounds every bit as authentic as when Obama tries droppin' his g's in an attempt at soundin' like jus' reg'lar folks.

gurukalehuru March 23, 2011 at 9:25 am

bullshit

El Pinche March 22, 2011 at 8:54 pm

"My bisquits are burning! My bisquits are burning!!" – Tim Pawlenty , Oct 2011.

jqheywood March 22, 2011 at 11:10 pm

Toy Story 2 reference FTW!

Blendergoathead March 22, 2011 at 9:15 pm

All I know is that the next time those squiggly little alien avatars pop up, I'm going to have the goddamned sense enough to snag a few.

LocalGirlMakesGoo March 22, 2011 at 10:05 pm

I have another breitbart troll following me! My p-ness just grew! Thanks, faggots!

I wanna thank the Academy, everyone at Breitbart TV, FW De Klerk for shaping my worldview, my parents, god, Barbara_i and Crank Tango for believing in me… Thank you all so much. This means so much to me.

SorosBot March 22, 2011 at 11:23 pm

It's probably the same one; it looks like old stalker has changed his name againl; for some reason the mentally ill man unfollows/refollows all of us whenever he changes his name and icon.

And they're definitely the same guy; note that all of the posts that "liberal=intolerant","unionsrstreetgangs", etc. makes on the Breitbart forums are "lol that's so funy" replies to spanky, except when one of us goes over there.

(edited because I mixed up who the sockpuppet was a sockpuppet for, how embarrassing).

LocalGirlMakesGoo March 23, 2011 at 9:25 am

Sometimes I feel really bad about myself for X and Y reasons, but I don't right now because THAT IS LITERALLY THE MOST PATHETIC THING I HAVE EVER HEARD.

(editing mistakes = higher intellect = sexy = win)

jqheywood March 22, 2011 at 11:05 pm

And in Atlanta, it's Coke….no matter what it really is: "Hon, what kinda coke youuwan? We got orange coke, and 7up coke, and root beer coke…."

tessiee March 22, 2011 at 11:38 pm

"OOooh, I needs an eraser!"
/MST3K/

WriteyWriterton March 22, 2011 at 11:42 pm

In Chicago, it's pop [a cap in his a**]. That's how we roll, ahem.

WriteyWriterton March 22, 2011 at 11:46 pm

T-Paw. Making the Teapublican world safe for pander-dates.

mrblifil March 23, 2011 at 12:01 am

Why that boy, I say that boy's about as sharp as a cue ball…

KeepFnThatChicken March 23, 2011 at 12:09 am

He's mimicking Dubya.

Jim89048 March 23, 2011 at 12:55 am

A modest man, with much to be modest about.

bflrtsplk March 23, 2011 at 2:30 am

Yo-semite is the opposite of anti-semite, amiright?

Lost_Teabaggers March 23, 2011 at 3:53 am

Yosemite Samlenty has pretty much decided to emulate his namesake in always being outsmarted, losing every confrontation and never learning from his losses….waiiitttt a moment, I just described Mittens! Okay so if he's Samlenty then Romney is Wile E Dumbass?

Negropolis March 23, 2011 at 4:40 am

We call it "failing vertically/upwards."

Negropolis March 23, 2011 at 4:23 am

ROTFLMAO! This reminds me when our former governor, Jennifer Granholm, tried to affect a "black preacher" accent during Rosa Parks' nationally televised funeral, and it made me cringe like no other. It was even worse than Hillary's affectations during her campaign. Obama's not much better, to be honest.

"Wait, is that Pawlenty?", indeed. lol

Again, this guy is Michael Scott. He is just that unaware of himself.

Negropolis March 23, 2011 at 4:28 am

Needs more refined Foghorn Leghorn/Colonel Sanders, and less Yo Mamitty Sam.

poncho_pilot March 23, 2011 at 5:13 am

when i lived in Texas sometimes i would fake a bit of an accent to blend in. i also had to talk a bit slower. if i talked too fast people gave me looks of distrust. probably thought i was a carpet bagger.

Oblios_Cap March 23, 2011 at 8:18 am

You should have just started yelling "Exterminate. Exterminate" and vaporized as many of the bastards as you could.

chicken_thief March 23, 2011 at 8:08 am

No Real 'Merikun would have change left over from his bar tab. If he does on a regular basis, I might start hanging out with the fucker.

gurukalehuru March 23, 2011 at 9:42 am

He says government shutdown as if that were a good thing.

PhilippePetain March 23, 2011 at 11:24 am

OPEEEEN, SESAME

schvitzatura March 23, 2011 at 6:46 pm

Tim's a Silesian Bohunk-Hessian without no aggression. If you can't (and won't) join'im, beat'im.

bagofmice March 23, 2011 at 9:29 am

How exactly do you violate a radioactive pedobear? Iodine suppositories?

natl indecency cmdr March 23, 2011 at 8:31 pm

thanks dust bowl! i finally get it. i need to get out more and discuss my unallotments. can i be president of your b&b?

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