rotten fruit

‘Julian Assange: Houseguest’

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Look, if Allison Silverman sends us an e-mail asking if we would post a video she made, what are we going to do, not post it? We’re going to post it automatically. Because that woman is a comedy genius.

It’s going to be a fine tragedy when the Anonymous retards kidnap her Neopets or whatever it is they do to people. [YouTube]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • PublicLuxury

    Watch out. His condoms break

  • PublicLuxury

    Reminds me a bit of my brother-in-law.

  • OvertonWindolt

    If this isn't Houseguest starring Sinbad, I'm not fucking watching it.

    • user-of-owls

      Didn't the Dalai Lama say that?

      • bflrtsplk

        The Dalai Lama is still disappointed Sinbad beat him out for the part.

  • MiniMencken

    I don't know what's more tedious, the real Julian Assange or this video.

    • OvertonWindolt

      So I actually watched the video, despite it not featuring Phil Hartman or Sinbad. I really hope Jack was being sarcastic, because this is the unfunniest 6 minutes I've ever experienced.

      And I've seen Mike and Molly.

  • Hatrabbit

    I had a similar experience when Newt Gingrich stayed at our apartment.

    Our cat still walks funny.

    • nounverb911

      Was Newt in-between mistresses then?

      • Hatrabbit

        Literally. Those three fuckers made a mess of our couch.

  • DownFist Troll

    Julian Assange: My Wiki-leaky condom, or how i learned to stop flirting and just sex my hosts in their sleep

  • SexySmurf

    Julian Assange is a pasty, insensitive horndog? I'm shocked! Shocked I tells ya!!

  • Sharkey

    I would have been so wiki-pissed.

  • aguacatero

    And yet he never gets called an asshole.

    • hagajim

      Just a Wikidick

  • Extemporanus

    If you turn the sound all the way down and imagine that the silver-wigged houseguest is Andy Warhol, the video is actually rather amusing.

  • walstib

    The two voices are douche-tastic wimps.

    If you're that much of a pussy, you deserve to get walked on, used, butt-raped, etc…

    My god they sound like Republicans complaining about their boy-toys' not washing their ballsacks.

    No wonder Colbert fired her. (At least thats the word on the street…)

    • MiniMencken

      American women in their twenties seem to come equipped nowadays with either the blue collar voice, which is a sort of Betty Boop-meets-Valley-Girl sound, or the white collar voice, which is the monotonous, jaded drone in this video. I can still remember when women had individual voices that one could listen to forever. Think Joan Crawford in "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane," Joan Greenwood in "Kind Hearts and Coronets" and, more recently, films starring Kathleen Turner.

  • Rad-T

    Reminds Mrs. Radio of me on a Wonkette jag…

    • Mumbletypeg

      Oh those wonkette jags, you say.
      Some time ago, you referenced cubism.
      I'd like to second that, and Mr. Mumblety would like to third it.
      Do consider checking it out, RadioDacted, and all the other 'dacted's..

      • Rad-T

        ex-mpeg, tonight this commenting system is more messed up than Grace Slick at Woodstock…and there is a downfister troll to boot. Tarnation.
        Mrs. Radio and I are all over the Picasso exhibit, weekday road trip. The next stop on the tour is the de Young in San Fran .

  • jus_wonderin

    Houseguest as in "Big Brother"? Oh, brother.

  • Callyson

    Someone needs to get Julian a new supplier. Whatever drugs he is taking do not work.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Assange is Australian for Kato Kalin.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Anyone ever heard of that Sara Benincasa gal?

    She makes some pretty funny internet videos, too.

  • XOhioan

    Thank you. After posts about Knut the polar bear dying, old Daniel Ellsberg being arrested for peaceful protest, and poor people being forbidden to carry money, this was welcome comic relief.

  • tribbzthesquidz

    You can bet he was "hacking" that lady's underwear drawer.

  • [redacted]hse

    What can I say? Mr. Assange and I have similar house-guesting styles.

  • LocalGirlMakesGoo

    The fact that I still have a celebrity crush on this guy gives myself the creeps.

  • MinAgain

    I guess Ben Franklin was correct. Julian Assange, like fish, begins to smell after three days.

  • fxgeorges

    Well, I guess we won't be having him to stay, then. Thanks for the heads-up!

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