yeah that thing was getting too respectable

PULITZER WATCH: Daily Caller Hires Clarence Thomas’ Wife, For Journalism

! The Exclamationer !Ginni Thomas, the Teabagging lobbyist wife of Clarence Thomas, has taken the next step in her natural progression of odd influence-peddling conservative jobs, accepting a “special correspondent” position at The Daily Caller. “We could not imagine a better person to take on this role,” said some Daily Caller guy. Yes, who on Earth could take this important journalism job? Certainly not all the out-of-work journalists. The position could only be filled by somebody who is not a journalist and earns her living making judicial ethics violations on her husband’s behalf.

Asked for comment on her move to The Daily Caller, Thomas said, “It is a privilege to join such a fast-growing platform with a capable, fun-loving team who are filling a niche that the dinosaur media has underserved.”

How dare she impugn the work of our nation’s proud paleontology trade journals? She’s never held a media job in her life.

We understand why Ginni Thomas was a lobbyist, but why does Tucker Carlson need a favor from the Supreme Court? This is a very confusing move, but perhaps the work of this hard-hitting journalist will finally bring to light why Anita Hill should apologize and why the Tea Party is so awesome and right about everything. [Business Wire]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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124 comments

      1. walstib

        Now that's some special talent.

        How does a Nazi spew purple spunk?

        Can a layman do it too or is it just a Nazi trick?

      1. LesBontemps

        Those aren't death's heads; I kid you not, they are actually black penises. (Stuef thinks they're exclamation points, but blow up the picture, and you make the call.)

    1. littlebigdaddy

      Yeah, what is up with that? Is there anyone fabulous enough to look good in such a costume? I don't even think a young Richard Simmons could pull that off.

    1. DownFist Troll

      Lord i hope not. I don't want to know the status Clarence's pubes…even if he seems to think we should.

  1. PublicLuxury

    They're adding a feature. "Drunk Dialing Your Husband's Sexually Harassed Women".. It will be Fab. Nobody drunk dials like 'our Ginni'. What a leader!

    1. Lost_Teabaggers

      Hey…that's a good idea and as many women as Thomas harassed, they could have several seasons of material to work with. Wilt Chamberlain slept with 10,000 women and Thomas harassed 5,000 and slept with 4. Nah, they hired ole Ginny here to do what she always does: take absolute pro-corporate talking points and add some hick to them so the wingnuts always think they're advocating on behalf of personal liberty and small business while her benefactors lower their wages, scrap their benefits and burn $100 bills just to mock the poors. Did I mention this woman disgusts me? Oh, and it's hilarious that wingnuts get offended when any black Democrat calls Thomas an uncle Tom, and yet you can't get any whiter culturally or politically than Ginny.

  2. OC_xenon-133_Serf

    special correspondent position at The Daily Caller: like Tucker, she know what black balls slapping upon the chin feels like

    1. Lost_Teabaggers

      Yes…they haven't quite ensared the entire world in their octopus tentacles yet. I wonder if they'll ever have enough? $43 billion dollars, a huge corporate empire inherited from daddums the Birchite and an army of white, male wingnuts willing to blow them. Haha, who am I kidding? When you're as emotionally stunted as the Kocks they'll never have enough until every worker is enslaved and every customer is poisoned by cost cutting while they purchase Mars for their own little Ayn Rand kingdom.

    2. Lost_Teabaggers

      See this is why I still own Bioshock…it's cathartic to go and blast pixelated Randites from time to time…the only problem is there is just one creature in the Bioshock universe who resembles Limbaugh and that's this massive blob in a tank you get to electrocute in Bioshock 2….ah, what the hell that feels good too.

  3. nounverb911

    “It is a privilege to join such a fast-growing platform with a capable, fun-loving team who are filling a niche that the dinosaur media has underserved.”
    Is Ginni referring to Rupert Murdoch or John McCain?

  4. SmutBoffin

    Maybe Tucker gave Old Lady Thomas the job on the condition that he gets access to Thomas's "national treasure"?

    1. Rotundo_

      "Here's the keys to the porn library Tucker, a fresh remote control for the video wing, and a bale of Bounty." "Don't mess anything up."

  5. SorosBot

    This is probably the first time Tucker Calson's been called "fun-loving" in a non-ironic way; at least outside of of a public men's room.

  6. user-of-owls

    The only time I want to see this cunt's name and the word "platform" together is when the connecting phrase is:

    "…was pushed off the high speed train…"

  7. pinkocommi

    What is most amazing about this story is that someone has taken a person named "Ginni" seriously. Are there hearts over both 'i's?

    1. SorosBot

      "besides shoving the gay thing down our throats"

      And to think that this woman used to work under Al Franken.

      1. widestanceroman

        She was there to provide breasts to look at, which if you're into that sort of thing, helped pass time while you were busy not laughing at some of SNL's very worst years (which is most of them by now). I cannot recall her doing anything other than dumb blonde schtick.

        I'd like to think she's just doing some inside joke on the far right, but it's more realistic to think she's just a dumb fat cow (then, now and forever).

        1. SorosBot

          Worst years? The late 80s were the glory days, with besides Franken Dana Carvey, Jon Lovitz, Phil Hartman, Jan Hooks, later Chris Rock and Mike Myers before he got all smug and annoying; yeah, you had to deal with Jackson's single annoying character but the show was good at the time.

          1. widestanceroman

            I'll mostly agree with Carvey, Hartman, and Meyers, but not the others (based on nothing more than personal opinion, not laying down law here). It could be an age thing–everyone seems to have a favorite period of the show. For me, after a few years, it became too formulaic, like a comedy version of 'Real World.' Each new cast member seemed molded, and the staggering number of them helped not the problem. Not to say there have not been bright spots throughout, but it went down and stayed down after a point.

    2. Lost_Teabaggers

      Yeah…I think Victoria Jackson kind of had a similar experience to Robert Downey Jr. I say similar rather than the same because he went Republican the log cabin way in prison while she shoves food up her ass and poops the refuse out her mouth. The point is, she's a big fat bitch….there's only two type of wingnut woman: the skinny, sometimes midly attractive faghag (because they marry wingnut males) and the big, fat, mean bitches who's greatest fear is someone is doing something social without their expressed written consent.

  8. PublicLuxury

    I feel bad for her husband, Clarence. He's trying his hardest not to get into the shit by opening his mouth and saying ANYTHING and his wife just keeps on bringing the controversy.

    1. Preferred Customer

      Her "column" will be called the Late Night Weekend Caller, and it will be less a column than a performance piece.

  9. LabRodent

    I think I speak for all the brothers when I say Clarence Thomas needs to step his white woman game up.

  10. hagajim

    “We could not imagine a better person to take on this role,”

    “We could not imagine a better person to take on this rolepole,” – That's better. I have to assume they meant pole – as in Clarence's big black one.

  11. dox[acted]

    Ginni Thomas provides the last crucial piece for Tucker's grand strategy: To call up each liberal in America and piss them off individually and personally, just because. She's the Daily Caller's daily caller.

  12. OvertonWindolt

    Her salary from the Daily Caller will be disclosed on Clarence's 2034 disclosure filing.

  13. KeepFnThatChicken

    HAHAHAHAHA, what's it like for a fifty-something to declare anything out-moded.

    And, don't get me wrong, Ginni… but you can't say anything sexier than Lilian McEwen right now. I don't care if you read a porn script.

  14. user-of-owls

    Nice! How about:

    "…'s feet scraped sharply against the polished wood as the chair beneath her was kicked away from the gallows…"

    1. Crank_Tango

      "was killed with her husband clarence "uncle" thomas in an explosion, while touring an offshore drilling…"?

      I don't think I know many more platforms LOL.

  15. baconzgood

    Hey Clarence Thomas! You want to bring back the 1950s america so much why don't you begin at home? Tell your wife to get back in the house, bake some cookies and SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!

    1. pinkocommi

      Just to point out the lack of internal coherence in your comment, I don't think Clarence would be allowed to marry a white lady in most states in the 1950s.

  16. chascates

    First you take over the local & state legislatures. Then you dominate the media. Then you elect a Congress to cut everything but defense.

    Then we all lose.

  17. Rosie_Scenario

    “We could not imagine a better person to take on this role.”

    GHW Bush said something similar when he appointed Clarence to SOTU.

  18. LesBontemps

    Now Tucker and Ginni can do awesome prank calls/texts/emails together! They'll be the new wacky and hi-larious "Morning Zoo"(tm) gang, but on the interwebz and the Twitter and such as.

  19. Allmighty_Manos

    “It is a privilege to join such a fast-growing platform with a capable, fun-loving team who are filling a niche that the dinosaur media has underserved.”

    Who knew Joseph Goebbels was on the cutting edge of journalism?

  20. Not_So_Much

    Just threw up in my mouth. But, if it does happen, let's hope she has the good grace to apologize for it.

    1. i_AM_ready

      Yeah, that's all you need to know about Clarence and Ginni. They have plenty of money, and their idea of a vacation is to drive around in a Winnebago.

      I cannot get my head around how stupid they must be. Nothing says fun like cleaning out your onboard toilet.

    1. fuflans

      one of the many unremarked joys of wonkette is rediscovering musical treasures.

      this for instance makes me think of 'she's lost control (again)'.

  21. littlebigdaddy

    I've said it before, but it so often applies to these end-of-empire bottom-feeders: cold, dead eyes of a killer.

  22. EatsBabyDingos

    Ginni, Rummy and Vodky walk into a bar. "ouch, we should have walked around the bar."

  23. Jim89048

    Ginni Thomas proves my theory that politics is show business for ugly people.
    Speaking of show business, I would like to thank the Wonkademy on finally bestowing upon me triple-digit p-ness. I swear, it was like what happens at the end of every episode of The Highlander…

  24. BarackMyWorld

    When I look at Mrs. Thomas, all I can think is "Couldn't someone as successful as Clarence Thomas done a little better?"

    1. jus_wonderin

      Looking at Ginni makes me want to be overserved. Then arrested. And sleep off the vision in a warm cell.

  25. JoeBiteme

    That doesn't necessarily set her apart at The Caller. I believe Tucker has some experience in that, ahem, arena…

  26. BlueStateLibel

    Because there's nothing better to have lurching around your workplace than a 300-lb. psycho. Makes for great hijinks!

  27. Winnie_Cooper

    Dear Santa,

    I am writing early this year because no gift could possibly top what I am about to request. Please, please, pul-ease let Ginni Thomas interview Sarah Palin as part of her new job in journalism. And let there be video.

    Thank you in advance.

    Kisses,
    Winnie

  28. bordo2

    It looks like Ginni ought to be the restaurant critic for Tucker's toy news operation. The woman looks like she spends a lot of time at Golden Corral.

  29. CBH77

    So she's a living incarnation of that character in the Harry Potter movees…the one who punishes the kids by making them etch into their own skin…

  30. irishdave3

    Let’s remember her husband was named by Skulker Bush as “the most qualified man in America” to the Supreme Court (Republican) Of The United States (SC(R)OTUS.

  31. JackObin

    Ginni? Funny, she doesn't look Italian. Why do the black fellas love ugly white gals? Christ she's hideous.

  32. lulzmonger

    One shudders at the thought that she's even uglier on the inside than on the surface.

    Man, what a mug. Not someone you leave alone in the kitchen with a baby & a bottle of BBQ sauce, that's for damn sure.

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